Tantric lovemaking incorporates breathing exercises, muscle contractions, music and sound, visualization, affirmations, creation of a sacred loving and safe space and other ceremonial rituals. Points of focus are meditation, stimulating sensual massage, and sexual play. In order to build a high sexual energy that moves the lovers into ecstatic states of divine connection Tantra encourages extended lovemaking over several hours, experiencing ever expanding levels and waves of pleasure along the way.
Tantra is powerful because you can receive immediate results with limited practice, but the depth and blissful states along with personal transformation that emerge over years of practice or the full life-style change can far exceed what the majority of students expect. Below are a few tantric steps to make your lovemaking tonight more blissful, fullfilling and spiritually deep.
If you are in the DFW area and want to learn hands on techniques or expereince a transformative session (for men and women) or a sensual, transformative couple sessions please email me. Or view my Services or my teacher Duncan Knight’s Services.
Tantra Tonight
1. Intention
For most of us our daily lovemaking has but one goal, orgasm. For men they try and last as long as possible so the their female partner has a chance to orgasm, for women we often find ourselves trying to push to the the big “O” before our man pops, and often we don’t reach our climax and instead fake one so that he can feel good and release himself into a quick moment of bliss. Now if we “come” together and its real then we have reached the top of the mountain. We have experienced what all the great sex gurus speak of. The problem with this intention in our lovemaking is that it causes anxiety, frustration and emptiness in both partners. Sacred Tantric lovemaking puts NO goals on the experience. The only thing longed for is “union.” Your intention is to merge with your lover in all aspects. Body, mind, heart and soul, not just physical body. This can be achieved through looking for the creator in our partner. See them and yourself as a God/dess. Realize that we are each a spark of the Universe and we hold within ourselves the power to create just as if we were the Creator.
2. Creating a Sacred Loving & Safe Space
Transformation of any ordinary space, bedroom, living room, etc., into a sacred space takes only a few minutes and often we have everything we need within our homes already. Again intention is the starting point. Put conscious effort in the items you choose to pull energy into your Sacred Space. Start by cleaning the room of cluter, dust and any work related items. Then make the room as dim as you can. Candle light is the most arousing and sensual sacred lighting you can use. Pull in the energy of the earth by bringing in plants and fresh cut flowers. Choose a relaxing music to play. Make use of fresh fruits, chocolates, wine, etc. Look for any special objects that you may want to enhance your space with, art work, statues, a small waterfall, heated stones, etc. or anything that has an emotional importance to you. Finally create your lovers bed. This can be your bed, cushions or even a table that you have creatively padded and dressed up. The most important thing is to make it comfortable, playful and sensual. You should have lot’s of pillows as well.
Once you have done this and are happy with the looks and smells of your your Sacred space, it is now time to energetically clean the room. This means to consciously send away any limiting, negative, fearful thoughts and feelings in the room. You do this by setting your intention in love, incorporating insence such as sage to purify, perhaps using a hymalaian salt crystal or blessing the room with blessed oil or water. Create a ritual that best fits your spirit and intentions, feel it in your heart and soul and have fun. It is important to note that “As above, so below,” meaning that the connection with your higher self through rituals make the physical act of the ritual ‘real and binding.’ Annointing oil truly makes it blessed and vibrate at a different energetic level. Know that your conscious thought is powerful.
3. Sacred Purfying Bath
Cleanse each other in preparation for your sacred union. Wash away the dirt and cares of the world. A hot bath with essential oils and bath salts is perfect. A shower is the next best thing. Enjoy the cleansing process. Realize that it is serving multiple purposes: hygene and erotic foreplay. Take your time bathing each other. Make it luxurious and focus on honoring each other. I strongly suggest that you bathe in dim lights as well or by candle light. Another powerful sacred act is to undress each other slowly and honoring.
4. Honor, Respect and Permission
There are keys that far exceed technique needed to enter the gates of sexual and spiritual bliss. The most important being trust, surrender and an open heart.
Men, your goddess holds the opening of the universe with her yoni (vagina). The most important thing to do is to speak to her out of love, respect and honor as if you were speaking to the creator of all of life. It is this beautiful goddess in front of you that has been blessed with the task to manifest your light energy into the miracles your world needs. She is the vessel that will carry your strength and power and do great things with it. Remeber her divinity as you kiss her softly. Support her sexuality. Make sure that she knows that you are honored to expereince her whole sexual being. Build her up with positive statements. Tell her how important she is to you, how much you believe in her, how beautiful she is in spirit and body. And finally ask her permission to be her lover.
Women, tell your man he is safe. No matter how macho he may seem to be, how tough he may want to appear, see him as the creator and as a teddy bear. Feel his heart and how pure it is. Allow yourself to open to him. Most men are afraid of emotional intimacy and have issues with trusting and surrender. Let him know that you admire his strength, but that it also turns you on when he allows himself to be vulnerable by showing his feelings. Tell him how handsome he is and how talented. Share all the things you like/love about him. Share how you miss him when he is gone, how you need him, what you fantasize about. Make him believe that you really want him sexually. And then get his permission to be his lover.
5. Foreplay
Soul gazing (spending a few moments just gazing into each others eyes) and harmonizing your breaths (place your hands on your lovers chest and breathe together) are two of the simplest emotionally and energetically connecting expereinces that you can do.
Playfulness is the next step to Tantric foreplay. Allow your inner child to come out. Know that there are no wrong moves. If you are feeling animalistic then act on it, purr, talk about animals, rub on each other. Do whatever you are called to do. Tantra is wonderful at pulling in the creative fun and playful side that many of us have let go of because we are now “grown ups.” Look at each others bodies as if you had seen them for the first time. Take your time exploring each other. Start with the fingers and toes, the neck, the back. Do not just start caressing the gential areas and breasts. Remeber tantra is about slow, conscious lovemaking. There is a time for higher paced love making that will increase energy rapidly but foreplay is to increase sensations and enhance the rolling energy you are most likely feeling.
Generally men enjoy having their genitals touched at any time, but women usually only enjoy having their breasts and genitals touched after they are already sexually excited from other forms of stimulation. Make sure your goddess is well lubricated before any attempt at intercourse and if at all possible, help her to have a clitoral orgasm before moving on to intercourse. It is important to note though that women become very sensative after a clitorial orgasm, similar to the tip of the penis. So be sensative to this.
6. Sacred Intercourse
Typically women need more then 5 to 20 minutes of lovemaking to feel satisfied. Through practice men can learn to delay ejaculation so that they can extend lovemaking. A man can actually delay ejaculation for weeks and or months at a time (there are many health rewards to this as well). A man who masters his ejaculation response can separate orgasm from ejaculation and become a multi-orgasmic-man! Opening the doorway for his partner to experience multiple orgasms as well.
Tantra teaches extended lovemaking but this does not necessarily mean that you need to have intercourse for hours. Lovemaking comes in many forms. You can extend your lovemaking session through sensual touching, oral play, quietly holding each other, dancing,massage or feeding each other.It is a positive idea for a man to allow his erection to subside every 30 minutes to exchange the blood supply and recharge his oxygen and hormone levels in the lingam (penis).
7. Channeling the Sexual Energy
Becoming completely sexually aroused and maintaining it is the surf board for the wave of bliss. This energy that you build up is sexually hot and you will actually feel heat within your body. If you are energetically sensitive you may be able to pick up on the energy vibrations and waves in yours or your partners body. For a man this energy builds up in one place and has no where to go, it puts increased pressure in the prostate that will cause an involuntary spasm and ejaculation which will end the lovemaking.However, with a combination of breathing, relaxation, and muscle contraction exercises (of the pc pump) both men and women can learn to circulate sexual energy through their own and their lover’s body. Once boundaries are erased the two can come together in full union as one soul.
The PC exercise is very simple. Imagine you needed to urinate and had to stop the flow mid-stream, you would be contracting the PC muscle. This is all you do. This squeezing and relaxing of the muscles around your genitals is called the PC Pump. It is the most valuable exercise you can practice to circulate sexual energy.
At the highest peak of sexual stimulation STOP your lovemaking and circulate your sexual energy through the use of the PC Pump. Use slow deep abdominal breathing and relax your thighs and buttock. Visualize your sexual energy swirling up from your genitals and expanding out through your whole being and flooding into your lovers body as well.
8. The After Show
In our regular lovemaking once the man ejaculates our lovemaking session has come to an abrupt end. Normally we end up laying next to each other feeling distant and tired or for many women wanting more while our male partner is getting sleepy. In Tantra though once a man has some control over his ejaculation, lovemaking can end consciously and when partners still have desire. The man has the ability to consciously decide if he wants to ejaculate or if his orgasm was enough without it. Lovemaking can be finished off with sensual touching, caresses and communication. Honoring each other through feeding each other and warm embraces.
Tantra teaches lovers that they are each personally responsible for their own sexual fulfillment and bliss. That it is a spiritual process. Through healing of the mind, body and soul bliss can be captured in a grander union then we were taught to expect in our intimate relationships through traditional upbringing. The art of Sacred Sex and Lovemaking can start tonight for you and your beloved.