And that is what it all comes down to. 


Maybe I am a bad, bad, girl who just is not consciousness enough or done as deep of a dive as I need into my own inner work to be able to respect, surrender and thus really unite in love with one of these sacred space holding, cacao ceremony, “spiritual” dudes who is what we can call the modern gentlemen. 

The nice guy. 

The guy that “respects” (by kissing her booty and letting her be the man) a woman and let’s her be powerful because he knows that we are all equal. 


Lordy, let’s just f-cking get real here. 

Ladies and unicorn snowflake, woke divine masculine men….



Women are powerful. 

And should be accepted as such. 

But men are powerful too…

And should be accepted as such. 

However, we are powerful in different ways.

Think ying/yang.


Today’s world is emasculating men.


And men are not happy or healthy because of this depolarization. 

Women are far from happy and emotionally drained because of it. 


Yesterday I wrote some on this topic, focused on how we women want a sensitive man but only sensitive to what we want him to be. This epidemic of conscious, woke, divine real men that is turning our men into something that we women cannot respect nor trust. Which stirred quite the convo between my man and I.  This morning while brushing our teeth and getting ready for the day he looks at me and says, “You know I just recently learned that women like you want a masculine man. I have looked at what I see as a strong woman and been frustrated. Believing that a strong, conscious woman who knows herself appears to want one of these unicorn “woke” men who always smiles, has the right things to say and keeps his masculine primal at bay. I can do the yoga. I can meditate. I can do my own inner work. I can be conscious. But I cannot put down my primal instinct and I did not believe that I could be my primal self and have my warrior queen, too.”


Linda Liv Doktar, I guess was in the same mood as myself yesterday, because my guy then asked me, “did you see what Linda posted?”


Nope, I was caught up with my private clients yesterday and some self-care things, plus rushing back to my man. 

Well, I read Linda’s post and I was laughing while saying, “Yes! – Yes! -Yes!”

A woman who desires a primal man. 

Gets what is required for us powerful warrior queens who are always turned on, activated in life, hustling in our self-made success stories and keeping harmony and balance to our full and thriving lives. That sort of woman cannot hang with the blokes who want to kiss our a*ses. 


My sun rises and sets in my man’s hands because he is not afraid to man-handle me. 

Meaning he knows how to stand in my fire. 

He knows how to lead me. 

He is not fearful of me. 

He let’s me feel him fully in his energy, his thoughts, his feelings. 

And of course in the bedroom.

He does not hide his primal, protective, fierce nature from me. 


And that makes me weak in the knees. 

Much like Linda said in her share, “I want to be dominated and told what to do.” 

Matter a fact, I need that for my own well-being and ability to surrender my deepest self to life and to my man. A woman simply cannot surrender her deepest self however to a man that is wishy washy, wearing the best societal mask of the moment and trying to say all the “right” things. I need to know that I can trust my man to be honest with me. 

I need to see that he is not afraid to take initiative and set a direction. 

I need to know that he trusts his own words and actions. 

And I require a man who knows how to dominate me in his love, protection, primal energy and leadership. 


So he better f-cking know who he is and where he is going in life. 

Or I will not follow. 

I will not respect. 

I will not trust.

And he will not hold my heart. 


I have been in all too many relationships with these men who are “woke” who are “sensitive to the feminine” and that’s as far as they made it with me. 


Some sort of relationship. 

I also felt the need to set them in their place about the reality that they would NEVER have a partnership with me.


I knew from the first moments that I could not respect them to the level required for me to become their life partner and give myself over to them. I could not trust their “sweet” ways to hold me safe and lead with certainty. I knew I could drop them to their knees with my own dominance and make them crumble if I wanted. 


That’s not leadership. 

And you know what?

In studies it has been shown that 74% of men would rather be alone in their lives instead of feeling disrespected. 


This is because to a man, a primal man who is on purpose and is not fearful of his own energy or his woman, he views respect and love as equal. They are the same and you cannot have one without the other. 


THIS is why men are so powerfully attracted to some women, will do anything for these women, and commit to her fully. When a woman knows how to trigger feelings of respect and admiration in her man, he will surrender his heart to her.


So many women however, have no clue how to make use of the principle of respect to create this unfair advantage in making themselves irresistibly attractive and commitment worthy to the right men.


Thus creating the space for repetitive heartbreak and suffering when it comes to love. 

Now I could go on and on about this topic, and most likely will keep writing on it over time, but for today let me be very clear with you lovies….


If you are a woman who wants to feel safe in her relationship. 

Wants to stop questioning if her guy is really into her or if he loves you.

Wants to know that he wants and will commit to you.

Wants to rope the moon for you as well as ravish you in every way you desire. 

And wants to stop your fear of when he will leave…


Then hear me now…


Get the consulting needed on the fine art of respect. 

Through respect we women can seduce, open and commit the right man to us. 

He will not be the man that is depolarized to be more feminine than masculine. 

You will have to actually want his masculine and see how you as a strong woman who is always taking care of business needs his strength to get you out of your head and fully embodied into who you are in heart, soul and sex. But once you get a taste of the yumminess of what this primal masculine does for you and how he supports with his rock solid love, respect and honor of not just you, but himself and the partnership you will scratch your head in bewilderment of why you chose to spend all those years ditzing around with men who have no clue how to lead the feminine. 


And are not worthy of your warrior queen heart and soul. 


Want to learn the secrets of becoming a seductress through learning the art of respect with a primal man?


Are you tired of thinking your relationship with a guy is going really great only to have him grow cold and distant overnight and ghost you?


Tired of the endless cycle of heartbreak and questioning why you cannot find a man who is trustworthy and committed?


That’s what I helped countless beautiful women such as yourself do over the last almost two decades. Find their soulmate!

And it’s now your time, don’t you agree?

Reach out to me in comments or private message now about my 6-weeks to Soulmate Love Private Mentoring Summer 2021 Sesh and get $500 off with code word RESPECT.


As Always, 

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”


I love to numb out.
When a wave of emotion or “feelings” come my way and I get that tension in my chest or gut, I look at those feelings and say, “Nope, not today!” and I turn and run from them. I find myself aimlessly surfing through my emails, social media, allowing all my boundaries to get crossed by my friends, family, and my partner. I welcome the sidetracks. I might grab a glass of wine or one too many sippers of my favorite whiskey. I find myself standing in front of the pantry, the freezer or fridge completely blank in my stare, but hungry to my core. Avoiding these scary things that are lurking inside of me.
I find myself wanting to shelter myself with whatever measures I can from the storm of depression, anxiety, fear, anger, loneliness, lostness, guilt, or pain that I don’t want to deal with at that moment. Now, as a coach with thousands of hours of training and in office practice on these subjects plus my own healing that I have gone through since I was in my late teen years, I am very aware of how my actions of avoidance are not great coping mechanisms, in fact they are massively counterproductive.
A lot has shifted in the way that I process my feelings about having feelings since I was 18.
I look back at youthful me, immature me and wish I could jump into a time machine and go back and smack some sense into myself. Back in the day, I numbed out strictly through avoidance of life. Everything was overwhelming to me. I literally was scared of my own shadow and walked pigeon-toed with my head hung, looking at just the steps before me. I was blessed and cursed to have a mother who helicopter parented me (although she did that because of her own codependency issues) and owned a clothing store that I helped run. This enabled me to avoid life, people and flapping my own wings all the more. To make matters better and worse, I home schooled. Which got me through high school a year and half early, kept me out of a shiz storm of trouble most likely but also did not teach me how to cope with the real world. The day I went for my first interview I almost passed out. I threw up and dropped into a three year old tantrum saying that I could not do it, that I was not good enough.
Seriously, a three year old tantrum, I am not kidding here AT ALL.
The kicking, yelling, tears, all of it. The whole show.
I recall my mother who had nothing to do with any of it but drove me there because I was too freaked out to get my diverse license. She was just in tears because she had no idea how to help me. She just told me that if I really did not want to go in, that I did not have too. I looked at her and felt ashamed. I was pathetic and I knew it. I did not want to let her down. So I went in, I got the job. It lasted three days, it was cold calling in a little box which felt like a prison. The worst thing I could imagine, spending hours calling strangers, ‘cus that’s what you should do when you have bad anxiety… just push through. And to a degree, yes, facing the fear and push through is the answer,but not without the tools to support. Of which I had zero.
So what did I do with my patheticness and inability to enter the world?
I shut down of course.
I colored my hair jet black.
I went goth, when goth was not a thing.
I cut my hair short.
And then I dyed it flaming red!
I told my mom that I was good just working at the store with her and living with her.
My mother was happy she was not losing her baby girl.
And thus became the true start of me learning how to numb out.
Step one – avoid what you fear.
Step two- grab a glass of wine.
Step three- change your outside image so you can pretend it never happened and you are not that pathetic person any longer. Which is just avoiding the true problem… The problem of self-love and acceptance is creating self-sabotage and the inability to walk strong in life.
Step four – grab the numbing drug of choice (alcohol, weed, food, sex, work, video games, social media, anything that shelters you and helps you to not feel the feelings of sadness and fear.)
Step five – if none of the above work, hide and sleep, praying the world will end or you won’t wake.
I recently read, “When you’re busy numbing out your feelings, your feelings are in the other room doing push-ups. Then, when you’re done smoking weed or watching Netflix or whatever you were doing to numb out, and you walk into the other room, you’re like, Wait a minute. These feelings are worse than they were before. That’s because you gave them all that time and space to do push-ups.” According to Caroline Fenkel, D.S.W., L.C.S.W., executive director of Newport Academy which is a rehab center for teens that deals with such issues as I was having and worse.
This statement is so very accurate and terrifying.
It is exactly what happens.
And it leaves one in a nasty loop of hopelessness.
The overwhelm of not believing that you are good enough, strong enough, smart enough, equipt. Not knowing what to do and not really being able to hear the answers even when they are presented because the anxiety, fear, anger, depression keeps our cognition at a low level. It’s literally like we are three years old and operating from this space of the world being this big, scary place that WILL squish us if we venture out.
Well, my tale only got worse.
I spent my early adult years acting out and appearing to be a crazy chick.
God bless my poor husband at the time and our children for putting up to the best of their abilities with my issues.
Fast forward, I did manage to step out of my comfort zone and get my drivers license when I was 25. I know right… WOW! Big grown up step that was.
Fast forward through some more shiz, a bunch of heartache, fights, tears, losses and lessons, I did manage to get a bunch of study done, certifications in all sorts of psychological stuff and coaching, nutrition, energetic practices, and more. I discovered that I could numb out with being a f-cking fantastic student and I was just that. A quick learner. A great sponge. But then came a few years in my late twenties and up to 30 that I found myself tremendously lost in a deep depression. Mama to five babies. Remodeling a 1942 house in the middle of the Sierra Nevadas in California, no friends, my husband’s family around but I was alone. And I was done with life.
It got so bad that I could not leave my home. I refused to leave. I was convinced with every fiber of my body that if I left the house something horrible was going to happen. My negative self-talk and separation from society and life had cornered me into the darkest space I had ever ventured and it was ugly there in my mind. The feeling of sadness, anxiety, fear, anger and just feeling lost and not belonging anywhere as well as being totally unimportant to everyone including my husband and children overtook me. I shut down. I stopped eating. I stopped consuming anything but alcohol and some prescription drugs that allowed me to feel nothing.
I was wanting out.
And I had been pondering a plan as to how to go about it.
Now, I am not going to get into that tale any further, but God sent in an earth angel you could say to smack me around and guide me back to the light. Back to hope.
What this earth angel did and said is what I truly want to share with you today.
He told me, “Feel your feelings. You have a right to feel them. You are safe feeling them. We all have them.”
And then he told me to pull my head out of my a*s. That this world needed me and my heart.
He reminded me that I had tons of people in my life that needed me and if nothing else to get my shiz together for them.
Then he went on to not enable me in my guilt, fear, sadness or desire to create or cause myself pain and drama. Because that is what we do even though we do not want to admit it, we actually have this little voice in our head in these times that creates plans of how we can do harm to self to prove to ourselves that no one cares, or to create drama to show us that no one will show up for us, because we are that worthless. We have no desire to harm our loved ones, but the end result is that we do serious damage to self and others in this process.
My earth angel refused to let me create such a drama triangle.
He told me that I had to do this myself and that I had a big girl choice to make in my life right now. I could continue down this path and blow up my world and live in sadness alone, because I would push everyone away. That I WOULD PUSH THEM AWAY. Not them leave of their own free will. Or I could do what I was thinking of and take my life, put an end to it and abandon my loved one, destroy their lives. OR…. I could choose to reclaim my life.
Reclaim my life?
Then he shared his own story of being on the ground with depression and wanting to take a gun and end it all and how he was pulled out by his earth angel in the last moment. He told me how he had to relearn himself and find a safe space inside of himself.
I realized that I was not alone and that if he could do it, so could I.
From there I chose each day to feel.
I chose to take the action steps I needed to to support myself and to learn how to fall in love with ME. To accept myself no matter what.
And I learned to stop looking outside of my own backyard for approval and love.
But I had to stop the insanity of running to the 1,2,3 of numbing out so quickly.
I had to learn what my go-to numbing behaviours were and what they changed too as time went on. I had to keep tabs on them and still do, because those behaviours and desire to hide from my emotions and feelings are still with me, but today I know that its healthy to feel ALL OF LIFE. I know that in order for me to feel the ratures of love with my partner and surrender my heart in my partnership as well as be blessed with the joy of being a grandmother and witnessing my now seven children grow, that I am required to feel.
To feel it all.
In order for me to do the work that I do with countless women and couples, I have to be able to tap into who I am and feel the correct thing to guide them, to support them and that I could not do this if I numbed out.
I would be missing my beautiful blessed life if I allowed myself to hide from me.
I also had to learn how to identify my feelings. I actually started a practice of naming my feelings. Getting okay with them. I journaled on them. I felt them. I became friends with them, even the ones that scared me.
For me to befriend even the negative ones, I had to stop judging my feelings. This was tough. I am a super critical soul. But step by step. I did it more frequently. And I still judge them here and there, but I have learned grace and compassion with my feelings and thus myself to allow for error.
I started a practice of inquiry with my feelings, as though they were my therapist or friend. I asked them, “What do you want me to know?” Then I asked myself, “Is that true?” and I kept asking that until I moved past my fear and ego and found my truth.
Then I learned to not hold onto the feelings but to get moving mindfully and safely. Today you will find me doing random things, I clean with velocity, I take a quick paced walk, I ask to go do an activity with a loved one that gets my body moving and if I don’t want any of that, I let the tears roll. I scream in a pillow, I punch my mattress or the punching bag. I move the emotion from getting stored up and creating physical memory in my body.
Nowadays, I teach a lot of sensational talk with my clients. I teach them to communicate what the sensations in their body are instead of what they “think” or have coming up as an emotion. The mind body connection is powerful and cannot be ignored in the healing process of emotional distress.
I created something called the Pause Button and I use this exercise often with my couples that I work with to help them process through what they are feeling and want to communicate but perhaps are not in the right frame of mind or literal space to do so. This came about because one thing I had to learn to get okay with was hitting pause on my own emotions and allowing myself to step away from a situation, person or even the emotions in that moment. I felt like I was avoiding them, but what I was doing was honoring the reality that it was not a safe space to deal with them right there.
Today, one of my biggest coping mechanisms and numb outs is distraction. I am damn good at it. But what is important to realize about distraction is that it is exhausting AF! You can get too much on your plate in a hurry and have nothing left to give to yourself or others. It’s important to be cognitive of this and learn how to say no to distractions when you realize that you are using them to avoid bigger matters at hand or that they themselves are creating more serious complications such as exhaustion. Allow yourself a rest day or weekend.
And finally, realize that if you are among the millions of souls out there feeling like you don’t fit in. You are lost in who you are. Anxiety, fear, anger, depression has you by the balls that its a life long practice to keep yourself healthy and strong. Much like healthy eating and exercise or making sure that someone you love knows that you love them, you cannot do it just once.
Imagine if you told someone that you loved them just one time in the life of the relationship…
How would that pan out?
You have to keep showing up. You have to keep practicing the seemingly hard steps of loving yourself and learning yourself.
Your whole life, my love.
I assure you though, you can make it through.
You can overcome the darkest storms and find shelter not in the numbing but in the love of you.
If this musing was helpful to you, share it with someone who needs some words of encouragement. If you would like more information on how to implement these self-love and acceptance steps and how these steps can lead you to your F-ck Yes! Life and yoru soulmate relationship then reach out to me today. My true passion is bring individuals such as yourself into alignment with their dreams.
You are worthy.
Claim Your Life Today.
And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Image of me during my fire engine red of lostness at age 17.


What about who I am, my choices, my boundaries, my beliefs, me being me and speaking my truth offends you?

👉Why do you let me have that sort of power and control over you???🤯🤯🤯

Have you ever just stopped and asked:
Why does this person offend me so?
Why am I so bothered and upset about them living their life, thinking the way they think, feeling the way they feel and supporting themselves how they feel they need to support themselves?
Why do I need them to see things my way?
Or even understand me?
Why is it an offense against who I am, because they see things differently and feel differently?
Why do I need them to own that they might be wrong and that I might be right?
And why do I feel that they are in the wrong?

We live in a world that somehow went from back in the day where it was understood that you would get told no, that life was not always going to hand you exactly what you wanted the way that you wanted and maybe not even at all.

To a society that believes that they should never be told no.
That when they get told no, when boundaries are asked for or set in place that the other person is in the wrong and that they are the ones who need to change or look at things differently. That they are not thinking of our feelings and that that is somehow wrong, bad, unhealthy, not in alignment to soul, unloving or low vibe.
That instead of someone standing firm in who they are and what they need, they should care more about how they might possibly offend someone else or about the emotional immaturity of others and how they should not trigger that immaturity if they really cared.

We used to parent our young with stronger boundaries and respect. We used to know it was our duty as adults, parents or other to teach our youth about respect in many aspects and that if someone sets a boundary that chances are they had a damn good f-cking reason for it and that reason was because “we” did something to create that barrier to be formed.

We could think it wrong.
We could have our feelings hurt.
We could get mad or be sad.
We could not understand the reasoning.

All of that was just fine.
But it did not change the reality that a new container had been created,
a boundary put in place,
a line had been drawn.
And no matter how we might feel we had to respect it.

That is not the case in today’s world.
We have the direct opposite.
We argue and make our plight to be understood.
We feel we are owed a “fair trial” and ask that our past be ignored.
We make statements such as,

“That’s in the past. I am different now.”
“I did not mean it like that.”
“Stop using my words against me.”
“If you cared you would listen to me, see me, try to understand me.”
“You are misconstruing what I said, did… misunderstood me.”

And what we are saying here,
is that we want the one who is drawing a line in the sand to take responsibility for our feelings.
We want them to care more for our feelings then they do for themselves, their lives, happiness, health, etc.

We have created a society that believes that they should never be offended by another.
Believes that if someone looks at them a way that they are not comfortable with, says something that is out of alignment with their beliefs, thoughts, feelings that it is the other person who needs to change.

We have created a society that it is second nature to communicate our ego based immaturities through passive aggressive measures, to stonewall and sweetly point the blame back to the ones who we are not in agreement of their ways, boundaries, beliefs, etc.
And we then turn around and call ourselves a free society.
We preach freedom of speech, belief, sexual preference and talk about how we need to “love each other more.”

But in truth all this talk about love and freedom is only good when it is serving us and what we want as an outcome.

No such thing as an unselfish person.
The most deemed unselfish still has an ego and is acting based on what they feel is in their highest and best reward.
Maybe that is a pat on the head.
Maybe it is sympathy or pity that they crave.
Maybe they want to be right more than anything.
Maybe they simply desire to be seen, noticed somehow.
Loved or at least experience something close in what they perceive as the feeling of love.
Maybe its power or money.

We all have our reasons for doing what we do.
And wanting others to do as we want of them.
However when it comes to being offended by another,
Our culture has gotten extremely good at being a victim to anyone who dares not do as we see fit for any moment in time, and damn we all need to be empaths and mind readers to boot as to not set someones delicate, already traumatized and wounded soul into a frenzy.

And if we do…
well F-ck Us! we are the ones who need to review ourselves and realize that we are limited in our thinking. That we are misunderstanding. That we are damaging things because of our feelings and thoughts on a subject.

Damn us who dare to step out against what others want from us and inturn just say the truth….

I am doing THIS for me.
Selfish as that might seem.

Damn you for not caring about how you make me feel.
You should let me have what I want.
Like a spoiled kid in the grocery store demanding candy.
So often we give in to these mind play games.
So often we grow weak from the constant attacks and ignoring of our containers.
So often it is easier to just let another have their way, let them drain us of our time, energy and resources, so we don’t have to spend an eternity fighting for them to just get it.
Respect us.

But this is not what soul alignment is about.
By caving into anothers immature emotional responses we teach ourselves and them NOTHING.
We in turn support this unhealthy behaviour and tell them it’s okay to get their panties in a wad over every little thing and have a weak AF backbone.
We are not servants to humanity by exhibiting such paralysis and faulty ground in life.

Today I ask you to look at where in your life you are expecting someone else to make you feel good?

Where are you turning over your power to someone else by being so sensitive to who they are?

Where are you not owning your part in the “no?”

When we can see that we have a part in all that life brings us,
even and especially the parts that are uncomfortable and may cause us to feel shattered with plenty of fall out to deal with,
then we discover WHO WE REALLY ARE.

If we cannot see our part, we deny ourselves.
And we deny the love that life is offering us.
All because we are scared to expand, step out of what we thought we needed and into unchartered waters of who we really can become.

When we allow ourselves to be offended we show just how weak we really are.
We reveal to the world how small we actually believe ourselves to be.
How unimportant we find ourselves.
We prove that we are but just a child playing pretend.

Because only the immature of mind, thought, emotion and spirit would ever allow another the power to control their feelings of who they are or expect that they were to be handed something because they got their feelings hurt.

If we want to see change in our world and become a conscious society, a “woke” world and people then we MUST step out of the weak AF mindset that others are in any way responsible for our feelings.

As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

Are you ready to stop handing you rpower over to every person who bounces through your life, says something that you don’t agree with or that you want something different from?
Are you ready to claim your life, your love, your abundance by fully stepping into who you were born to be?

Reach out to me today to say F-ck Yes! to You.


Until now.
And this is the sad reality of so many relationships, marriages even of today and perhaps of all time.
We want for connection, unconditional love, trust, respect and union of our hearts, minds and souls but when we get down to brass taxes on relationships and our commitment to our said primary partners it is often revealed that the primary is not the primary. The person that we refer to as our primary partner or significant other, our lifemate, or our soulmate typically gets the short end of the stick with our emotional investment.
We give them time,
time that we designate for the relationship such as “date nights” or dinner. We may attend church or concerts with them, we may go to social functions or sit and watch TV.
We give them sex,
mainly because this is what is believed to make primary or significant other just that. Our sex is the piece that no one else gets (unless we are in an open relationship or we are having an affair). And so we rub our bodies together and we give it up. Because that is what we are to do to show our relationship commitment.
We give them support,
typically this is financial support from one partner and house/family/orderly support from the other. However in today’s times most relationships both contribute to finances and even though both try to support the labors of child rearing and chores, one partner will feel as though they carry more of the load then the other.
We give idle conversation and listening.
Simply meaning that we pretend to listen and share.
We talk to our partners about surface level items or responsibilities and we step away from the deeper conversations. The one’s where we are forced to inquire about who we are as a couple and what our long term visions are or what our current challenges are.
And so we have the average and ordinary union of today.
Where emotional investment is at a low, however our understanding of relationship is that it is more about commerce than love and connection. We live in a free trade society where we no longer sell off our daughters and sons to create peace between nations or for the survival of family but instead we barter our own flesh for the best opportunities and then wonder why we are not happy with our outcomes.
We trade our emotional happiness for the richest, hottest, youngest, strongest version of a partner, brainwashing ourselves that we are deeper than this and that we truly love them. However the truth is quickly revealed when we run into any amount of conflict in life.
When this happens we see where our emotional investments really lay and often we discover them with our children, our work, our bank accounts, and even our friends. We will make up excuses and we will point fingers. The blame game will quickly occur and with it couples will turn away from each other. They will apply focus to everything that their partner has ever done wrong, to the mistakes and how they have never felt loved or supported by them. They will make painful statements about how the sex always sucked, they were just doing it out of duty, how they have not been attracked to their mate forever and they will slaughter their partner without hesitation.
All the while saying, “If they really loved me…”
But here is the thing, long before we ever get to this conflict state you can be witness to exactly where one’s emotional investments are.
It’s in the little things.
*Do you make your primary relationship primary every day?
*Do you opt for friends over your partner?
*Do you make your partner feel safe?
*Do you consciously listen and share?
*Do you inquire about your partner’s life outside of you?
*Do you make them feel supported in the little things or when they are not feeling well or feeling stressed?
*Do you laugh together frequently?
*Do you share common goals/dreams/morals/values?
*Can you authentically say that you are the most vulnerable with your partner outside of anyone else?
These questions and many more are insights into a couples bond.
And emotional investment is all about the emotional bond that you consciously are creating.
This bond is not created based on what someone can offer us in finances, prestige or even in how they look or how smart they are, it is based in our heart centers and the heart and soul alignment that we have to someone. It is then supported by the coming together as friends not just lovers. It is enhanced and a foundation is created through the common grounds of united dreams/values/morals/beliefs and goals on all levels of life not just one or two.
And from this space the emotional investment is maintained from both individuals desire to go deeper with their primary partner then any other relationship they have. Both partners must desire to surrender without emotional armour and in total trust and vulnerability to each other.
Otherwise, the relationship will remain surface level and will never be able to solidify trust, commitment and unconditional love.
An emotionally invested couple moves together as one unit in life on all fronts, making very aware that they are the center point of gravity for each other and it is their alignment from their cores that does just this.
How does your love rate?
What are some of the areas that you feel challenged in with relationship and how can you best lean into your partner today?
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*S Believers”




Gazing into his steal blue eyes,

tears streaming from his and mine alike.

We were caught in this moment. It was a timeless replay of memories. Ones that we didn’t know existed but felt deep into the very core of our beings.

There we were once again in love, in war, together and fearing the loss of one another.

As I stared deeper into his soul I was taken to a time when we were not who we were in this current moment.

My chest started to ach as though a spear had punchered it.

My breath quickened and I wanted to just move closer to him.

I could feel the storm of a warring nation around us, I could feel the fear of what was to come.

I could feel the penetration of his love from so many lifetimes ago, here now in this moment.

And I could feel our joint pain and suffering. This space between us did not even exist.

My hand wanted to reach out to that spot on his chest that I knew he had tried to protect me with.

That spot where we became one and lost each other in the same moment.

Where the spear had cursed through the bone, through his being and into me.

I could feel him holding me,

his tears streaming down.

His apology that he could not save me.

Save us.

And I thought to myself as I came back to this current moment,

still locked in his loving gaze,


“We will not lose one another in this war that is about us. We will not. Our destiny does not have to be replayed through our lifetimes. No matter how many a tale we have that supports, today here in this moment, in this lifetime, in this love we can just become one. We can make love and we can unit. We can hold each other without the fear. Without the regrets. And we can let go of the pain of a thousand years.”


I realized that everything that we are moving through is us healing our past lives (and perhaps you don’t believe in such things, but I do and could share many an intriguing story that may change your mind.)

The karmic debt of then,

that must be washed away.

The recognition of our souls and the uniting of our paths.

We are here today in this moment,

entwined in each others arms and souls,

because we are meant to be one.


The unity of a soulmate,

a twinflame,

where opportunities throughout lifetimes were lost,

but here and now,

they exist.

And it is our expansion in self,

our learning of our hearts,

our recognizing of our egos,

and the letting go of what has held us back from each other,

that we are here to fully take hold of.

To fully learn from.


The concept of becoming one,

the ceremony of marriage is to create this timeless bond,

the coming together before God is to strengthen it.

However the reality is that the majority of marriage,

unity is not true.

It is a forced unity where we commit to someone based on resumes, looks, and ideas.

Where society, family, and friends all tell us that this is good and this is bad, choose him/her or heck no don’t get with them.

And so often we follow the call of others,

so often we base our lives, our commitments and our very marriages on these things that do not create unity.

We choose to ignore our hearts.

We choose to turn away from our intuition,

and we make what we feel are “wise choices” in our lifemates,

only to find ourselves a few steps down the path of the relationship wanting for something more.

Wishing that we had listened to our hearts call that would have taken us another direction,

wondering if we missed that true love.

That soulmate.

But justifying our choices because of society, family, friends, property, safety, religion, etc.

And sacrificing our happiness.

Sacrificing our truth.


Here is where so many a marriage resides and what I believe is a culprit to so much unhappiness in the relationship.

When we choose to disregard all those outside influences,

when we choose to look past the resumes, the looks and the ideas of what it should or should not be and just slow down and listen to our intuition with someone,

We are blessed with our truth and what spirit wants us to know about the path with any relationship.

As a society we have trained trust in our gut feelings out of ourselves.

We have brainwashed ourselves to not take heed to our hearts guidance or to how someone makes us feel.

We ignore those soft little nudges that something is wrong in a relationship as well as ignoring or even fearing when something feels so perfect.


If you ever wondered what makes a happy couple happy?

What makes some people stick?

What is the secret to having that storybook romance for a lifetime,  where you are turned on, tapped in and fully engaged at all levels of life with someone?

Well here is your answer.


When our souls meet another they KNOW if they are a yes or a no to that other soul.

If we are wanting to find “THE ONE” then it is our mission to listen.


To our hearts guidance.

To our intuition.

To the soft nudges from our core.


And it is our responsibility in love to know that although others may have all the best intentions for us and our lives,

that they cannot feel what aligned to our soul for us.


Therefore they have no place trying to direct our path.


Love respects the path.

Love yourself,  love your family and friends.

Listen to your soul and mind your tongue with others.


As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”


Ready to call in “THE ONE”?

Ready to learn how to still your chaotic mind and the voices from everyone else so that you can have the romance, the love, the partnership that you so desire? Reach out to me today for the consciousness engineering that will set your path firm in 2021 and get ready for your true love to show up.



Over and over again I am reminded of just how blind we humans can be in our relationships.

And then we wonder why people shut down, walk away or get upset with us.

But it is often because we are blinded by our own desires and beliefs of who people are and how we want them or expect them to show up in relationship with us that creates this disharmony.

Recently I have been blessed with the opportunity to witness numerous people in my life sharing with me how they perceive me. Who they think I am, how they think I should react or expect me to react, what they believe my desires are in life, work, and even in my intimate relationships and more.

And it is interesting and saddening to witness these people do just this because I sit here realizing that the reality is that no matter how much I show up differently then what they believe,

no matter how much I communicate who I am RIGHT NOW, or what my desires are, what my boundaries are that they simply cannot hear me and actually believe often that it is not them but me with the communication issues.

Now granted,

I have served my fair share in the land of not communicating well.

I have had my issues with boundaries and stating what I am a F-ck Yes too and what I am a F-ck No too,

and I have moments in my current as well where I drag my feet and try to read between the lines or make the best decision that will cause the least amount of hurt feelings, be the best for someone else and put myself on the back burner….

(I am human and all and get caught in my own crap. Shhhhhh…. I get it…. I know better. I do.)

But at the end of the day,

I have looked my shadow self in the eye many a time,

I have felt into my ego and called it out of the darkness and see it for what it is more frequently then not,

and when it comes to speaking up and out on things,

well often I don’t give two sh*ts and just state it as it is.

So in this understanding of the timid young woman that was the wall flower just a little over  decade ago who would get trampled by many, to the woman that I am today that has a deep understanding that I am only responsible for my emotions, thoughts and actions and I cannot make anyone else happy,

I find myself in awe of so many people in my life who simply refuse to see who I am.

Old lovers, spouses, friends, children and even clients have recently revealed how they are stuck in an older version of me.

To the point that they REFUSE to see or allow any sort of change in my pattern, even when it is so vastly different right in their face.


Why do we humans refuse to allow others to change?

Why do we ignore who someone is, trying to become or even acting on being in any area of their life?

The answer in my opinion is pretty f-cking simple…..


If our drinking buddy who has been our wing man for the last decade suddenly sobers up and gets married,

then where does that leave us?

In our life and choices?

If they start to make changes and different choices that do not support what we are wanting then no matter how happy we may be for them, we find ourselves feeling lost and lonely suddenly.

And the reason is that we are looking for some form of our happiness, our fulfillment to be met by this other person.

And in order for us to have what we want THEY NEED TO STAY OR BE SOMETHING THAT SUPPORTS THIS VERSION of who we want.

It has nothing to do with the other person and everything to do with us.

We can say that we want the best for someone else,

and I have heard that statement a lot over the 100 days,

but when it comes down to it we will tell our loved one that they are overreacting, that they are not seeing things straight, that they are having a midlife crisis, going crazy, are no longer fun or are now being anti-social. We will find fault in their actions, demeanor, thoughts and feelings and when they share who they are and what they want from life we will unconsciously plug our ears, close our eyes and act like a four year old by chanting nah-nah-nah in our heads and never notice that we are doing any of the sort but instead turn around and tell our loved one that they got it all wrong, it’s this way and not that. That they want this or that instead.

To take it to extreme levels,

its like we are raping our loved one’s.

And what I mean by that is that it is like the rapist that tells the woman that she is wet when she is dry and that she is turned on when she is terrified and then thanks her for making him feel so good.

Now granted that I know that this is an extreme,

but the truth is that anytime when we refuse to see who someone is showing up as,  refusing to hear their words and tell them that they are the ones who are not communicating or saying something else, or tell someone that they are just this or that when they are not,  what we are doing is denying that person in totality.

We are making our desires and views of who they are more important than who they really are and we are forcing our will on them.

We all are guilty of doing this in life and in relationships.

First we must recognize this fact.

We are all blind to the people in our lives and we get caught up in who we perceive them to be.

That is why it is so true that perception is reality.

When perception becomes so strong often the person who is making the change falls weak after time and just gives into what “everyone” is saying and believing and the only true way for them to get away from said perceived reality is to fully disconnect from those who are stating it.

So I ask you today,

Where are you believing that you really know someone and in truth are actually not allowing them to be them?

Where is your blindness in the relationship?

And As Always,

Stop Existing And Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

Want to know more about how to create dynamic magical relationships based in truth and love? Reach out to me today for 1:1 mentorship now.

So time for some perfectly balanced SEO that breaks the algorithm:

We can include terms like baby shark and pewdiepie to really broaden the audience and then spice it up with some among us and Minecraft crossed with the hit new youtube sensation that is rust on the OTV server featuring twitch funny moments from jackscepticeye. I also have to mention music, asmr and markiplier that are all important terms here on youtube. Let us not forget of course the makeup and fashion community by referencing shane dawson and james charles. Now whilst this is COMPLETE GIBBERISH to most an algorithm is able to pick out the specific key terms in this post and promote it accordingly. So lets support the Kpop stans by mentioning bts and lofi hip hop. We can even talk about some other big channels like mrbeast and dantdm. For some reason in 2020 some of the most searched tags are game of thrones and avengers endgame… Let us of course not forget the most important things of the year like dunke peppa pig and roblox! Time for all the top current searches Among Us – online game, new song 2020, pop smoke and techno gamerz and tubbo smp! Time For todays new aditions in SEO too: Thanos, fifa, joe biden, inauguration, Tommy, sidemen, mod, update, rt game, yogscast, the spiffing brit, game, predator, fortnite update, fortnite predator, boss!

I Love Us In All Our Rawness

Even though we look between the lines,
we come back to our truth,
to our commitment to keeping it real.
We breathe in deep,
as we let our tears fall,
we feel our hearts as we press ourselves together even tighter than before.
Our frustration,
our fear.
Our love overcomes ALL.
And I am reminded that this is the relationship,
the love that I have always wanted for.
The Raw.
The Real.
The Committed.
I feel my heart swell when I hear you come close,
Your touch ignites me to my core.
The softness of my feminine feels safe in your arms,
as our feet entwine and dance in the night.
I breathe you in as you do I.
Not ever wanting to lose your scent.
And I am at home.
Here in the rawness of my humanity.
Here in the home of our love.
I find peace,
I find comfort,
I find joy.
But you owe me nothing.
And I, the same to you.
I do not ask for you to make me happy.
I only ask for your rawness.
Your core truth.
Your respect, honesty and trust.
I ask for your open communication,
your desire for our intimacy.
To go deeper.
To feel into the valleys and shadows of yourself,
so we can lay here in this rawness of our humanity,
and love fully.
The most sound and beautiful relationships are based on the simplest truth,
that we are not here to make anyone happy,
not even our soulmate.
But we are too meet each other with our own happiness,
our own self-love and respect.
And in this meeting we will unite as a team.
Our bond is based in self.
The coming together of like minds, souls and hearts.
The wanting of common goals.
Beyond desire and passion ( although we have plenty),
We have this river of consciousness,
a friendship,
where there is no questioning,
only knowing.
A knowing that I got you and you I.
We will never be lost at sea,
for we have this love between.
This is a love that can survive anything.
A love that will conquer.
And it is based on our rawness.
It is a product of our commitment.
We have walked through fire and brimstone,
we have laughed under the full moon,
we have been torn at by wolves,
and hunted in the night.
No fire or furry holds a candle to our connection.
As the new day sets upon us,
I am forever reminded,
that this is the love that I have always asked for.
And you are the man I am committed to keep it real with.
To all those beautiful, strong and real couples out there,
this is the sorta love that last centuries and storybooks are based on.
Keep it real, raw and committed.
Know yourself first and foremost.
Be strong in who you are,
and know that no matter how long you have been together,
the journey is forever transforming,
always teaching you and molding your love to its most elevated state,
if only you will keep it raw.
Love truly is the greatest teacher of our lives.
From my heart to yours,
keepin’ real and raw with my man.
Always remember,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
And those who want to keep it REAL!
Want that dynamic relationship?
Reach out to me today for what’s happening with KW Coaching and mentorships in 2021 and how you can change your love life and abundance forever.

If You Ever Loved Someone

Love is one of the best self-development courses you can ever sign up for.
Love causes us to not want to loose it.
Makes us want to change ourselves to the core.
Love makes us think, “well I can sacrifice this or that, its not that big a deal.”
Love can make us feel like our hearts are being ripped from our chests when we feel that our love is being threatened.
But here is the thing…
Love is one of the best self-development course if we are conscious to what all this ego based fear around it is actually saying to us.
And it certainly is not proclaiming to step away from being whom you are,
To change your core or heart.
To hide your desires,
Your truth,
Your fear,
Your anger,
To stop communicating because you fear confrontation or potential loss.
No that is not what love is teaching.
Love is saying to have faith in it.
Find your courage and strength in it.
To know that in the midst of the storms that can make your heart shake,
That you will still be held.
Love is saying that in these ego reactions that cause us to not feel aligned, happy or just not right in any fashion that we are being offered a great teacher.
The teacher of wisdom to see where we hold ourselves so tight that we cannot see the path back to our hearts.
The teacher that knows that no matter who we are, that we are all still students to life. That we have so much to learn.
The teacher that is aware that we are human,
And make mistakes as those that we love will do as well. And that often in life things are rarely what we think they are.
When you love someone you meet your edge.
You meet your ego.
You meet your darkness and your light.
When you love someone,
You see where you need to expand.
Where there is room for deeper healing inside yourself.
You discover lands that you had forgotten about,
Or thought you could ignore.
When you love someone,
Truly love them.
You want to be the best you.
For them.
For you.
For the team.
Being the best you,
In love is elevating.
It is what you came here to do.
To see yourself, FULLY.
To accept and love yourself,
With all those little quirky traits,
And things you fear will drive your love away.
Being the best you,
Is about living unbound.
Being the best you,
Is about BEING LOVE.
And when you love someone,
You will consciously want to see and be seen.
Knowing that this is the greatest work of your lifetime.
This is the expansion.
This is the transformation.
This is how you get closer to your truth.
To access your soul.
It will not be easy.
It will not always be pleasant.
It will have you holding your breath at times.
But if you choose to love with this consciousness,
To see its beauty and stand in its fire.
You will have no choice but to expand.
Your thinking.
Your feeling.
Your beliefs.
Your soul.
And for that my love,
You will touch the heavens,
And be blessed with a joy and depth that is ever so rare.
Loving you from here always.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Lets get you expanding in a high vibe conscious relationship based in true love today.
Don’t wait another year to manifest tour soulmate relationship. Reach out today to learn the secrets to calling in your ideal love.

I Love This Man

2020 has been a stormy year.
It has been that way for so many of us.
Bringing forth our truth,
our hearts desires, and our fears.
We have walked through the year barring as much courage as each of us could handle, wanting for so much more beauty, searching for the light at the end of this tunnel,
and here we are at the close of this year,
asking ourselves,
“What is waiting in the wake of 2021?”
For me as many of you know,
My year has been filled with untold beauty.
I never allowed the shut downs and quarantines to prevent me from living out loud and enjoying my incredible family, nor did I let it stop me from traveling or sharing new experiences outside of my own backyard with my children and friends.
I connected deeper in so many ways with my clients over the course of this twelve months,
witnessing them as they explored possibilities, found faith in their talents and personal power and discovered their truth as individuals and couples.
I have certainly nothing to complain about health wise,
2020 has potentially been one of my healthies years ever. I think the only thing that got me down was a bad beet juice I ordered one day… ( and I am still having issues coming back to beet even now, but maybe I can venture out and try drinking one in 2021 again. – IDK)
On a very personal note however,
2020 brought with it some surreal moments that I never thought I would experience and yet feel blessed to have walked through.
I am still learning the lessons from these experiences I am sure.
Although, these lessons seem to bear with them the bitter sweet feel that is hard to swallow at times.
My grandson, at 18 months was discovered suddenly to have a rare heart defect and had to have open heart surgery. From which he has spent the last few months in ICU, surviving two strokes and having the cardio team come to the conclusion that he needs a new heart ASAP… one moment a happy, healthy toddler. His precious sweet morning hugs to mimi (me), seeing him daily and enjoying those brief moments, suddenly within moments gone.
Now, sitting on the edge of my seat every time I see my daughters beautiful face pop up calling me on my phone.
What does the next moment hold?
Breathtaking, shocking and I still cannot believe that it is happening. That this is part of our family storyline.
And even in the midst of this,
I feel blessed.
I feel a great love.
I feel a holding from life.
For me.
For my children and grandson.
I can see the perfection as I look back through the moments that led up to the discovery and with each passing day.
Flipping to my personal intimate life,
again surreal moments of shock and disbelief.
A witnessing of how we all cope differently and how we try and hold on to what should no longer be out of fear of loss,
fear of of rejection and a need to try and control events, people, life.
Here 2020 brought with it a closure to a three-year relationship.
What was a beautiful relationship,
but was one that no longer vibed with each of us.
Through the end of this year, I have witnessed my ex stepping away from his soul and acting out of rage, fear and ego. I have found myself again stunned by the witnessing of how we humans believe that we are acting out of love when in truth it is the farthest thing from love, hoping for what? To be understood? To feel right? To gain closure? Instead of loving ourselves and the time spent and allowing for life to do what life always does…
Move on.
There have been many more little events,
both beautiful and painful that 2020 has brought forth to its end.
I have come to terms with it being a year of massive truth finding in self, in relationships and direction of life itself.
Breathless in its lessons offered,
I stand here just a little over a day away from its turn,
the most stunned and speechless over the love that 2020 has revealed to me.
The support.
The connection.
The beauty and the soul entwinement.
As I look over the last quarter,
I see how everything has had to happen.
As I look over the last year plus,
I see the connective fibers and the release points in the stitching of what was,
all bringing into light what was needed.
What was intended.
What would be that next journey.
And I find myself,
here at the precipice of the next great adventure.
The adventure is a love that I have wanted for.
A connection that I have desired.
And a life shared authentically, beautifully, fully.
Not just because that is what we humans crave for and go searching for.
Grabbing hold of relationship after relationship in hopes of “this” being the one,
but instead because NOW I am ready for it and I KNOW that I am.
Now I am ready to embrace myself at levels that I was not available to in years past.
I am reminded in 2020,
that it is always darkest before the sunrise.
2020 in many ways has been that darkness.
And even though there are more moments left to learn from till the sun rises I can feel the turn of this journey.
I can sense in the darkness the light that is emerging,
the depth of the love being revealed daily,
and how without the darkness,
the light would not be revealed with such breathtaking beauty.
I share this with you sweet follower this evening,
in hopes that you too can witness how everything that life has brought forth in the tribulations and trials of your past,
has in truth brought with it a beauty that you would never have wagered on.
Because of those past moments that brought suffering, fear, anxiety and doubt,
you were asked to have great strength and courage.
You were required to step forth firmly into your power,
and you found a connection where you most likely never thought it would be.
The truth of relationships,
of what your heart longed for and what you truly desire and need would never have been fully realized without the onslaught of what felt like overwhelm and loss.
In our disorientation,
we often find ourselves.
But that is only true for those of us who choose to stand witness to life and go within.
Calling on our greatest power.
for the breathless moments shared in the rockiest times of me finding my footing.
For doing his own inner work and embracing his soul.
And for following the guidance of his soul,
to the deepest connection and reveal.
I love this man for the light that he has made me witness in myself through the consistent calling out of my truth.
I love this man for showing up in the darkness and pointing out the surise we shall watch together.
To each of you out there looking for love, peace, joy, a feeling of belonging…
None of these things truly reside anywhere outside ourselves,
and they cannot be revealed to us until we take the great journey within.
The journey of loving thyself.
Here at the close of 2020 I pray that you embrace that truth and make it your mission for the coming year,
to open to the sunrise that awaits your life,
and loving each moment of the darkness for what it brings forth in you.
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Lets start 2021 off with a F-ck Yes!
Want to learn the secrets of discovering how our darkest hours can reveal our brightest lives? Reach out to me now.

The Dance of Love

These feeling I have are not new to me.
They are but like a distant memory,
that is not distant enough for my heart to not recall the pain that they potentially can bare with them.
These thoughts I have of you,
that my mind, body, soul yearn to experience are not strangers either,
they too carry the distinct scent of surrender,
of love,
of commitment.
And they too hold a fear.
I find myself,
sitting here,
looking into your eye’s,
captivated by the light that dances through them,
mesmerized by the the turn of your lips and the soft smile you carry upon them.
I find myself,
looking away in hopes that you will look toward me in these moments,
so that I can feel your desire,
I can feel you taking in my essence.
And I do.
Each time our eye’s meet,
each time our lips touch,
each time you stroke my mind with inquiry,
each time you twirl my soul,
and tell me your desires.
I find myself being lifted.
I find myself feeling as though I am soaring.
Joy captivates my soul in these moments.
You demand my presence.
You demand my depth.
You demand my vulnerability.
My surrender.
And you do it fiercely.
With certainty,
and confidence,
and ohh so smoothly.
Like velvet, I find myself wanting to be touched more.
More with your words,
with your thoughts and ponderings.
I find myself wanting to be touched with the emotion that I see and is not fully spoken within your eye’s.
Your perfect eye’s.
Those perfect eye’s that carry me.
That shine the light of love on me.
A love that I have felt before,
a love that is so captivating,
so stimulating,
it stirs,
Stirs my being,
and makes me believe that more is possible.
This thought of more,
it terrifies,
it electrifies,
and it asks for me to choose.
I hear the sweet whisper of love,
I hear it revealing all that I know already,
it is uncovering,
what I fear to let be seen.
And I ask myself,
“Why do you fear this love?”
The raw truth is that,
I do not fear.
The shudder that quakes inside of me,
at the possibility,
is not fear,
it is settling.
Settling into all that I have asked God for,
that man,
that lover,
the moments,
and all the beauty that come with them.
Oh yes my love,
I do not fear what in being uncovered.
Instead I welcome it.
I crave it.
As I covet the sweet surrender,
as I melt into your strength,
into your passion and presence.
As I allow you to twirl me in this dance,
that we are becoming breathless in.
It is with this potency,
that I find myself,
Opening yet again,
to all that I fear,
all that I want.
I bare myself to you,
raw, real and with intent.
The intent to give myself over to this beautiful moment.
This dance.
And so it is,
and always has been,
when lovers meets.
The beauty of true love,
is not in the needing of it,
It is in the wanting.
Not the wanting of the love,
or even of a person,
It is in the wanting to be there.
Be there fully, authentically and ready to be penetrated.
here in this space,
with love,
true love, we find ourselves.
Communing in the moment,
rapturing into our own glory,
and embracing the dance.
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Are you ready to set 2021 on fire?
With your love, your money and your F-ck Yes! Life?
Reach out to me to discover the possibilities for 2021 now.