One Man’s Miracle Is Another Man’s Misery.

ONE MAN’S MIRACLE IS ANOTHER MAN’S MISERY.
A life for a life was the statement that was made in a show I was watching last night.
And with this statement I found myself sending out a deep heartfelt prayer for the family who lost their sweet two year old child yesterday. This family who lost the life of their baby, I do not know.
In truth they would have never meant anything to me other than being my fellow human beings and only wanting the best for all.
However, yesterday this family became a blessing.
A life saver.
Their child was the miracle that was needed for my family.
And in their sacrifice, another life was offered hope.
As I fell asleep last night, awaiting the news of my grandson’s heart transplant surgery I was caught here between the realms of excitement and joy blended with anguish.
The reality that it was truly a case of a life for a life.
That both could not,
cannot exist here in our physical existence together.
Both children cannot have an opportunity to live.
That they must come together in an essence and create one life.
Amazing what our medical advancements offer us.
It’s magical.
It’s a miracle.
And it is great pain and suffering.
I fell asleep worried about my grandson,
praying for no complications, for a speedy surgery.
And I fell asleep with a pain for the loss that this miracle family must be going through at this very moment.
The life altering, never imagined event.
The sun rose this morning with beautiful news for my grandson.
And my heart smiled for my daughter and son-in-law.
My soul rejoyced at the good news.
And I thanked the heavens for the blessing, knowing that it was still a long journey ahead, but that this was a pivotal moment.
As I listened to the birds singing their morning song, staring into the flames of the fire I was sitting by,
I realized that THIS is always the case.
A LIFE FOR A LIFE.
We can never receive the life that we desire,
we can never live our dreams,
we cannot thrive,
without giving up our life first.
The life that we have become so familiar with.
The life that has brought us to where we are now.
Yes.
This life we must sacrifice.
We must offer it up at the altar to the life that we desire to live if we want to even have a chance at living out our dreams.
And so it is.
So is the hero’s journey.
The journey of the soul.
The journey of you and I.
Much like the blessing of a new heart for my grandson,
where another child had to leave this earth and not live,
so that my grandson could be offered the hope, the chance of more years to walk this earth and live,
You too must give up your life that you have been so comforted in to expand.
To have.
To do.
To be.
These little deaths of who we are must happen.
They are the ONLY WAY.
And they may feel like great suffering and misery.
They will bear with them much fear and doubt.
You will be altered by these little deaths.
And you will feel tested.
You will question, “why?”
You will wonder and feel it is unfair.
You will feel abandoned and lost.
You will weep at the loss of all that you were.
And when you awake from your slumber one morning,
and look around your world,
you too will rejoice.
You will be in gratitude for all that you were,
for all that you learned,
for all that you suffered.
You will see the miracle of this life.
And you will realize too that it is always the case…
A life for a life, because not one of us can remain who we are and expect to live the life we were born to live in the same mindset, the vibration that we are currently in.
We must transform.
We must let go of all that we know.
We must make the familiar, unfamiliar.
And the unfamiliar, familiar.
If we are to LIVE.
To THRIVE.
Today look at your life and allow yourself to explore where you are holding onto all that you are fearful of letting go of, but is holding you back and ask yourself if you are ready to say yes…
YES to living UNBOUND.
YES to living your DREAMS.
And as always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
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Maybe so.
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Photo Credit DandelionImages

HOW TO MANIFEST YOUR GREATEST LOVE STORY OF THIS LIFETIME.

YOU OPEN UP TO A RELATIONSHIP A THOUSAND FOLD DEEPER, MORE LOVING, MORE FULFILLING AND STRONGER WHEN YOU DO THIS…
My heart was broken.
My trust was broken.
I felt abandoned, lost, unlovable and could never see myself in love again at this level. How could I? He was “the one,” he was the one who opened me at levels of my soul I had never touched, my heart shuddered and longed for him. I was ignited when we were together and I felt like I was in heaven.
And when he chose to say good-bye…
I was crushed.
I clung to the idea of him coming back to me,
I could see him knocking on my door and asking for me to forgive him, that he was mistaken. I convinced my heart and mind that our energetic connection was untouchable.
I told myself that THIS lost love was as good as it got.
I had settled on this concept.
The idea of him. Of us. And that I simply had to remain loyal to him by keeping my heart unattached.
This idea grew to bitterness and a deeper sadness as months went by and they turned to years and he never knocked.
But I had built him into this idea in my head and attached such emotion to it that I armoured myself up to everything and everyone else.
I would date.
I would explore.
I even got into a longer standing, seemingly “committed” relationship and the outside world would say,
“She has moved on. She has healed. She is loving again.”
However my internal world was a drastic F-ck No! to it all.
Stuck in the quicksand of yesteryear with my heart still broken and clinging to the idea and the longing of his love.
I called into my life everything that was not for me.
I called in what would soon need to be let go of.
And I blinded myself to the possibilities of something grander than what I could have dreamt of possible with my lost love.
So blind I was.
So stuck, that I missed him.
I missed the soul that was knocking at my door.
I missed the soul that could take me further, carry me higher, expand my heart into the omniverses and beyond.
And I missed him because of my stubbornness and false loyalty to a love that was no longer mine for the keeping.
One day though something happened.
One day I grew so weary of carrying all this pain and fear of letting go that I just sat it down somewhere along the path.
I was done mourning.
I was done being smaller than what I was born to be.
I was done denying myself the love that I wanted, the connection that my soul craved for, and I was done holding up all this emotional armour to protect myself from ever feeling that sort of pain again,
While speaking words to the opposite and saying that all I wanted was my soulmate love.
Rock solid love and commitment.
A conscious man.
A relationship that was based in love and integrity.
A true union of the souls.
Yes that is what I was saying,
while holding up the armour on my heart and soul,
making sure that I could never be penetrated by such a love.
That day, that I sat the shield and sword down,
my heart cried. And with each tear I found myself awakening to the presence of something magical.
There he was.
Yet again.
He had not left me, he had just stepped back,
doing his own work, taking down his own armour,
identifying what he wanted and who he was at his core.
There he was.
And as I took him in with a soft breath in a hug shared,
my heart recognized.
Months passed,
the story built between us,
We danced on the field in this scary land where we were wanting, were recognizing and we were being asked to trust ourselves and each other. Until one day we could no longer deny,
we could no longer hide.
We could no longer use the shielding of our past loves and losses to hide the radiance of what we had together.
With a great senses of urgency we united,
the outside world questioning us.
Fighting against us even.
With each blow the world has given,
the bonds that entwine us grow ever stronger.
And here I sit today,
present to the beauty and the power.
Aware of the depth and amazed in each day how much deeper we go within each other.
As our hearts speak to one another,
our souls smile in the knowing.
Here he is.
Here he is each morning,
and every night,
He does not knock at my door.
No he does not.
But instead he takes my hand and places his heart within it.
Armour down from a day of battle with the world.
We lay together,
we breathe deep into each other,
feeling as though every cell of our earthly being has come home,
Not needing.
Not clinging.
A feeling of fully being seen, being witnessed and with it a desire.
A desire to jump all the way in.
A desire to melt together.
When we set down our armour,
when we let go of the self-imposed bondage of what we feel is lost,
when we let ourselves rise again,
we allow something unimaginable,
magical to form before us.
We allow someone greater.
More aligned.
To love us.
And our souls smile at our coming home.
To all those out there that have lost a great love,
who are clinging to the idea that that was as good as it gets,
that it can never be any more, any better.
No one can love you like that.
That it is not safe to open up to love again,
or that you owe that lost love some loyalty to hold on to it and be impenetrable to all others,
I share this musing today.
Drop your ideas that clinging to what is not yours for the keeping will ever support your desire for your heart’s true love.
It will only block.
Loving you from a scrumptious land,
deep in my heart.
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers and Lover’s”
 
Stop settling for your Bullsh*t Love!
You are the only thing that is preventing you from the love, the money and the life happiness that you so want for.
Are you ready to take a deep dive into clearing your sh*t once and for all and openning up to your greatness? Join me for the April Session of Unavavailble for BullSh*t! Reach out to me for deets now or go to
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101 DAYS OF PSYCHO AND THE GIFTS GIVEN…

101 DAYS OF PSYCHO AND THE GIFTS GIVEN…
You know those moments in life where you just wonder,
“Why the ‘F’ me?”
When you question what is happening and cannot see the purpose behind it. Perhaps even wonder if it will ever stop,
because it seems like a storm that has no end.
Well that has sorta been where my last 101 days have been.
And when I say that Hollywood would kill for some of the storyline,
‘cuz you just cannot make this stuff up, I mean it.
I guess you could also say,
when it rains it pours.
And often that is the case.
Or maybe,
Things come in threes – and to that I would say the same as I do to all these statements.
“TIME TO WAKE THE F-CK UP!”
And that is exactly what God is wanting us to do in situations where it feels like we are being pushed through a keyhole with immense force. We are indeed required not requested to WAKE UP.
To get clear.
To look at our lives.
Our inner realms and how they correspond to our outer worlds.
And to know that these things that are occurring, no matter how crazy they may seem…
No matter how much pain and suffering they may bring…
No matter how many restless nights you may have,
nor how high your blood pressure may get…
THESE THINGS are happening perfectly just for you.
If it was supposed to be any other way,
well guess what?
It would be doing that,
but it is not,
and therefore it is perfectly designed for you even though it is uncomfortable AF.
And that is the hard reality that I have been reminded of over the last 101 days of my life.
That is also the beauty in the crazy.
The light in the suffering.
And the reason that I keep putting my armour down even though I hold it so close when an attack comes my direction.
There is always a gift being given.
The only question for any of us in moments like these is if we can receive the gift.
And receiving it simply means being aware that it is there and allowing ourselves to feel past the pain and fear,
past the discomfort and exhaustion,
and feel into the love of who we truly are.
And into our internal GPS.
OUR SOUL.
The gifts given in psychotic moments of life,
when a hurricane of what feels like certain destruction is up on us,
are always about waking up and clarifying our lives.
For me I am referring to this period as a time of housecleaning on all fronts. It is requiring me to get in there and put some good old elbow grease into getting the results that I want and need, it is requiring me to sort and sift through a bunch of old things that no longer serve me, from actual furniture and household items to relationships and pathways in business as well as personal affairs.
It has clarified who I can trust and who is a wolf in sheep’s clothing. It has allowed me to analyze my desires for my future and get more aligned to my core in the process of doing so.
It has revealed to me all the little and not so little trappings that I have placed on myself, where I am overly passive and where I am too strict. It has shown me, that I am the creator of my own destiny and that I have a strong powerful soul, but in order to tap into it and call down my blessings in even greater capacity that it is up to me seeing the blessings in THIS moment and not getting caught up in the bondage of what others perceive of me.
In times of struggle,
we are being told that our old world is over.
That it is time for us to embrace our BIGNESS.
And see that up to this point we had grown too comfortable in what was thus keeping us small.
God does not want any of us to live small lives.
We were born to THRIVE.
And just like in the making of a diamond,
there is great pressure on all things that must be transmuted,
for our clarity, beauty and radiance to emerge.
Loving you from the darkness and into the light of the birth of your new life and world.
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Taking applications for limited 1:1 clients who not just want to expand but who want to THRIVE and claim the life that God set for them in love, health, wealth and success. Reach out to me today to say F-ck Yes! I deserve a BIG LIFE now.

IT COULD HAVE BEEN EASIER.

IT WOULD HAVE BEEN EASIER.
“It would have been easier if he did not behave like a psycho.
Would have been easier if he did not destroy things.
Would have been easier if he was not wasn’t actively causing discontent with family.
Would have been easier if he was not stalking and making sure he lived down the street.
Would have been easier if he had not slandered and bad mouthed, made up lies to destroy relationships and cause issues in other areas of life and work.
Would have been easier if he had not been a self-centered asshole who demonstrated that he only cares about himself at ALL cost.
Yeah it certainly could have been easier.
Could have been easier if he respected initial communications and requests for space.
Could have been easier if he had not spread lies to family.
Could have been easier if you didn’t know that the only reason he did not destroy the family home and belongings was because of outside intervention.
Could have been easier if he was not a MF narcissist.
Could have been easier if he was not sneaking around in the dark like a rat causing trouble and destroying other people property.
Could have been easier if he had not gone to those in traumatic situations and expect his issues to outweigh theirs and make a scene.
Could have been easier yes…
But not for the reasons that he thinks and wants everyone to believe.
Could have been easier if he took some responsibility for his actions.
And not spin it to look like it’s others who are making it not easy on him.
Could have been easier if he did’nt demonstrate his emotional imbalance and once again self-centeredness by crying wolf and telling how he just wants to commit suicide.
Yeah could have been easier.
Could have been easier if he did not continue to stalk and drive by, message and demand.
Could have been easier if he had just been honest throughout the relationship with himself and others.
Could have been easier if he had not expected his mind and heart to be read and refused authentic communication.
Could have been easier if he had listened in the communication being shared for years.
Could have been easier if he had accepted that you can not force your will on others and get their core to change or their heart.
Could have been easier if he respected boundaries and did not get so caught up in his ego to be blind.
The fact is it’s not easier by his own doing.
And the fact that he knows that he is a shell without the connection,
that he is lost in who he is.
Is revealing his true issue.”
I share this above from my heart and soul to all those out there who have had relationships that were broken and shattered.
That ended unexpectedly, and had their ex partner exhibit such control, fear, “craziness” toward them.
Or perhaps the reverse might be true.
Perhaps you were that ex-partner/lover/mate who went crazy at the loss of the one that you were in relationship with.
Perhaps you lost yourself in your pain,
in your lack of sight of how out of alignment the relationship truly was and how it was no longer serving either of you.
I offer my above tale to wake you up today.
To wake you up to the reality that in our loss we often cannot see our truth,
we cannot recognize what love is,
We often believe that we must make our pain known by forcing the other to feel pain as well.
And we do it all in the name of LOVE.
There are two realities in this tale that I share that I hope that you can gain for current and future happiness in relationship.
1. None of the above is based in love. Not love of the other nor of the self. The concept that we need to make another feel pain, know what they have done, that we need to be understood, heard or seen are not based in love but in need and ego. The hunger to do ill things to the one that we proclaimed to love so deeply until we part is not of soul and heart, it has nothing to do with love and not even with our pain of the loss, but instead it has everything to do with our desire and need to control a situation and others because we feel out of control in our lives and in our emotions. We are lost in self. We are not strong at our core or in whom we are and therefore we act out toward others attempting to scare and manipulate them to surrender to what we want of them.
Again, this has nothing to do with love of self or other and certainly does not respect the relationship, the memories, the lessons or either soul.
But instead shows the discontentment and lack of alignment as well as emotional maturity of the one acting out.
There is no proactivity in such actions, only reactivity and a believing that one is a victim to life and others.
2. It could have been easier is what we believe in situations like this.
We say this to life, to people and wonder why we have to be in such pain and suffering.
Why life is so rough and why we just seem to be destined to struggle.
The reality is that it is only difficult and painful because we make it such.
It is our resistance to our core,
to living by our heart and leaning into love and soul that creates the struggle.
The truth of this is evident in ALL subject areas of life, not just relationship and love.
We are in the power position.
We are not victims to circumstance or to others even.
We get to choose at any given moment how we perceive what is happening, what our role is in the event and how we are going to handle it best.
We get to decide moment by moment if we are going to create beauty or pain.
We get to choose if we are going to act from a place of certainty, love and truth or from fear, ego and a need to control and dominate a situation or person, an outcome.
OUR CHOICE DEFINES OUR REALITY.
These are the lessons of relationship break up and how we choose to move through it.
There are many more lessons,
Some are personal to the individual, some to the couple and others are spiritual awakenings that we all must evolve through.
How do you handle break up?
What is your goal in communication with your partner of current or of past?
Is it to be understood?
To feel as though they care or love you?
To know that your pain is felt or that they feel the same?
How do these questions serve you truly?
How are they defining who you are and helping you to become your best person?
And most importantly do these questions with their desired answers come from love and an unconditional elevated space or do they reside and come from your fear and need, your desire to control a situation and an outcome?
One will bring you happiness and growth,
the other suffering and resistance to truth,
YOUR TRUTH.
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Make 2021 a year of love and beauty.
Heal your relationship,
heal your heart and move mountains so you can have that soulmate relationship of your dreams.
Reach out to me for deet’s on how to do this today.
 
PhotoCredit to DandelionImages

IF YOU EVER LOVED ME.

IF YOU EVER LOVED ME.

 

If you ever loved me you would not let me hurt like this.

If you ever loved me you would rethink your actions.

If you ever loved me you would take the time to hear me.

If you ever loved me you would want to share.

If you ever loved me you would give me closure.

If you ever loved me you would make this all go away.

 

And so many other if you ever statements.

 

Boy, oh boy  do I ever understand the pain of loss.

The pain of break up, divorce, seperation, being lied to and abandoned.

 

I understand how it feels when our worlds crash,

when our beautiful plans seize to exist,

and it all seems like it happens within a flash of time.

 

How can this other person who loves us,

or at least proclaimed that they did,

or at very least said that they cared,

just walk away?

 

How can they turn their backs to us and just keep on living their lives?

 

Don’t they care?

 

And so the story of love and loss goes on throughout all time.

And so our hearts expand and we are elated when those that we love are turned toward us,

and when they are no longer by our side we crash into pain and suffering. Feeling abandoned.

Feeling as though we spent all this time in a lie.

 

It just cannot be so.

It certainly is not fair or right,

and we don’t have it coming to us.

 

Right?

I mean how is it possible that this sort of thing could be of our own doing?

 

“THAT” other person made those decisions,

acted that way, said those things and lied to us,

after all.  We would not bring this upon ourselves.

 

Well I can tell you this beautiful,

YOU MOST CERTAINLY DID BRING IT UPON YOURSELF.

 

One of two things happened.

Your vibe either went up past the other person or it crashed below them.

Either way it held there for a long enough period of time and was a great enough difference in frequency that the two of you were no longer in alignment and thus the relationship had to end.

 

So which direction did you go?

This is actually the important thing to question if you truly give a sh*t about your future and who you are.

 

If you love yourself that is.

And so many people just don’t.

Hope that this is not you though.

 

You can tell what direction you went by looking at your thoughts,

your feelings and your actions.

 

If you are the one who leveled up your frequency then this relationship transition will be pretty smooth and easy. You may be in pain, you may feel a tad lost, you may want closure even but at the end of the day you will recognize that the most loving this you can ever offer someone is space to expand, to be them and to have a beautiful life with or without you and in this case it means without you. That may be a stinger, but a high vibe soul will walk away in love and know that the lessons offered in that relationship were powerful, perfect and have helped them gain clarity in who they are and what they want. A high vibe soul will know that what they need to do now is turn their full attention to themselves and clearing out anything that no longer serves them from within.

 

A high vibe soul will be in appreciation and gratitude for the relationship and the break up.

 

Yep I said that.

Gratitude for the break up,

because they see its purpose.

 

However, a low vibe soul will flounder in pain, suffering and blame.

They will demand attention and stomp around like a three year old having a tantrum. They will act out in childish ways, trying to cause pain in hope of gaining attention from the one they lost. They will not be able to take responsibility for their part in the transition and they will feel as though they simply cannot move forward until the other person does this or that to clear things up for them.

They will focus on fear and they will want the other to feel pain as well.

 

They will not see the growth and opportunity that the transition brings with it, but instead see destruction and attack.

A low vibe soul cannot see past their own ego to find the love that was there in the relationship and still remains.

A low vibe soul is caught in their own inner hell where they will reside until they choose to view life differently and take responsibility for the events, thoughts and feelings that are all thiers. They will be destined to repeat the drama that they believe is happening to them over and over again, where they will mask themselves from their beauty, their core and alignment to God all in the concept that “it’s not fair.”

 

So you see beautiful,

It is very important that you know what direction you went in the transition. It says bundles as to where you are now and what you are manifesting for your future.

It shows just how much love you have for yourself and whether you  understand how powerful you are.

 

Because you are powerful.

You co-created this transition for the purpose of becoming more of WHO YOU REALLY ARE.

 

No matter the direction you went ( up or down in frequency) this fact remains the same.

 

Now the only thing you need worry about is not if the other loved you, or still does, but if you love you enough to let go and thrive.

 

You are so f-cking worthy of a F-ck Yes! Life.

It’s time that you recognize that and see that ALL relationships are here to elevate you, educate you and clarify what you want and who you really are.

 

As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Want to kick 2021 off with a high vibe and call in the relationship of your dreams? Meet your soulmate and know that you really got this? Message me for deet’s on what I have in store to make just this happen and more for YOU.

Randevuing With The Sweetest Parts Of Life – No Matter The Pain they Cause Us.

LATELY I WAS GIFTED THE FREEDOM TO FULLY FEEL BACK INTO ME, BACK INTO WHAT I WANT FOR, CRAVE FOR, DEMAND IN LIFE AND RELATIONSHIP.
I have been sitting with this feeling of peace with elation now for a couple of weeks,
where if you had asked me a few weeks prior what I was feeling I would have shared that I felt like I was on uncertain grounds, a feeling of egg shells and anxiety which is nothing of the sort of person I am or in alignment to the life that I desire.
I knew that things were about to change,
This shift was upon me.
My energy had been quaking for months to be set free.
Transformation was in the cards you could say and I knew that when the momentum was fully upon it that there would be no turning back,
no side stepping out of the way and that my world would forever change.
I felt fear and doubt.
I felt as though I should try and hide,
to shut down this immense urge to just run forward and let gravity take me.
I had been restricting for so long,
putting up walls and barriers as to hold in place the container that I had built.
A beautiful, fun and loving container,
but one that had become harnessing of the energy that was birthing in me.
And so I felt the doubt rise up in me,
I felt afraid to move forward.
I thought that I had it under control…lol
And like every soul who says “I got this,” and turns their back on transformation, God steps in and reminds us that we have so much more to live for, so much more to do and share and that our turn away is unacceptable, for we are his chosen one’s. We are the ones that must feel into our hearts and face the fears, expand our vessels and step forward in faith, in truth and with our core desires.
And here I am…
A few weeks later after yet another beautiful upheaval of revealing truth, authenticity and power.
Leaning into the new territory which bears with it an awakening of my past revelations of self that I had closed myself off too.
All my excuses, all my denials, all my “hope that things could be or would be,” –GONE!
Replaced with peace,
replaced with elation,
replaced with love, true love and allowance of the self.
Replaced with desire.
Replaced with direction.
And guess what…
a feeling of ease and flow,
the realization that all that other stuff that I had been doing for the last little bit of my life was me trying to make something happen,
trying to fit in a container that did not fit me,
trying to push things to my will,
or sacrifice myself despite my core.
No f-cking big shocker there as to why there was anxiety, constraint and egg shells.
No wonder I was not expanding, stretching and feeling fully seen or accepted.
I had settled in certain ways for something less of myself then what and who I am.
The revelation that when we are in alignment to soul and God that our worlds just collide with exactly what we need and desire,
that things manifest with ease and f-cking speed.
It is us that slows it down.
Through our fear.
Through our attempts to control it and make it fit prettily in a box that is not even our own.
And then God comes through with a clean up crew,
he strikes us down so it often appears so that we can rise stronger,
more certain and knowing in who we are.
And our rise stems from how we choose to handle the strike down.
It is here in the randevu with something that is less than wonderful appearing, that we discover the sweetest of gifts that life has to offer us.
Because it is here that we experience expansion.
So it always comes down to how we take the sweetness of all of it and not freak the f-ck out in what could feel terrifying, scary, painful and not what we had necessarily wanted for.
You see it is the freaking out in these soul appointments with expansion that feel like the absence of something that we want for that can hold us in a setback. That can lock us into a wound and keep our pain anchored and us unable to move forward and breathe into the gift that is being offered.
Our capacity to randevu with the sweetest parts of life is immense,
but we have to be willing to let go of the things that we hold onto out of fear that we will receive no more than just that.
And here my dear reader is where I find myself the last two plus weeks of my world.
Breathing into this space,
receiving in truth every f-cking thing that my heart has wanted for for some time,
stepping back into what I know is true and my core,
asking for life to give me my desires and being willing to see them manifest before my eyes in ease and with great speed,
putting down the “what if splat scenarios” and just leaning into it.
Showing up in all areas,
my business…
my health…
my family…
my relationships….
my sex and love…
in FAITH.
And actually more than faith….
CERTAINTY that as long as I stay true to my core,
and aligned to my heart which is my communication source to my soul and thus to God,
that everything,
every aspect of life is perfect and sweet.
And that the sweetest moments are here before me just awaiting my sipping of them.
I bring this 6-AM revelation to you now.
I bring to you the possibility that what you have been feeling to push on, to make happen, to direct and do the work around is actually the reason that you are still locked down where you are at.
I bring to you the concept that sometimes it’s in the letting go,
truly letting go and letting yourself fall so that you can rise again renewed that is the things we must do to have the life that we want for.
I speak to you the idea,
that maybe, just maybe everything is perfect. Even though you are scared, feeling lost, in pain, sitting in suffering that it is just what you need to become exactly who you were meant to be,
and that your power is just there under the surface of that dynamic beautiful person that you are.
Perhaps it is time that you allow yourself opportunities to be, have and do what your soul craves for.
Perhaps it is time to give yourself permission, love to know yourself and love yourself fully.
So that forever more you will be able to lean into the gravity that calls you forward and not fear the surrender but welcome the lifting.
In deep love for you today,
during our worlds topsy turvy energies and changes,
I share this little tale and pray that you take a moment in your busy day to be with the most important person in your world and ask yourself, “Who am I truly? and what do a want for sincerely?”
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
— Ready to get started on 2021 before it takes you by storm like 2020? Let’s get you moving today toward your F-ck Yes! Life and enjoying all the sweetest randevu that life has to offer you on your journey. Message me today for opportunities to say YES to YOU Now!
 
Photo Credit to my amazing photographer Rebekah Lynn DandelionImages

TWO DIFFERENT WORLDS BECOMING EVIDENT

 

TWO DIFFERENT WORLDS BECOMING EVIDENT

 

There is a necessary evil, 

A violence in discovery. 

And we don’t want to face its existence. 

But that does not change the fact that it is there and it is necessary. 

For us to evolve, to expand and awaken we must come to terms with it. 

 

For when we awaken, and stand on the brink of the world that we once knew and the world that awaits us, we will feel torn apart at our very existence. 

We will seize to exist as we have been and we will be forced to recognize who we are at our core. 

 

It will be terrifying and beautiful. 

And we must storm with courage toward it if we are to have the life that we desire that we were born to live. 

 

The defiance of such will cause your utter destruction and yet by leaning into the fires of your purification and awakening to your power you will expect the same. 

And to a degree you are accurate. 

 

However without this destruction of the old self, 

Of the world that you cling so tightly too, 

You will never have anything that your soul desires and was born to live for. 

You will be no more, 

Only leaving in your place a skeleton of who you actually are. 

Hungry to have flesh on your bones, 

You will wonder the world aimlessly, 

Depressed, anxious and fearful. 

Lost in the world and in yourself. 

You will mimic and hide under the masks of those you envy.

 

Not knowing self.

 

And here is where you must stand, 

Stand for you my love. 

 

Know your worth. 

Have grace for where you have been. 

Take stance to where you are going, 

And run. 

Set free your inner child, 

Set free the wolves of your soul and let your heart escape its bounds and shackles. 

The day is afresh, 

Your life is before you, 

The new world is calling. 

 

Go unto her my love. 

She hungers to give to you. 

She wants to swallow you up in her rhythm and song, 

Have you dance upon her flesh, 

And laugh into her mysteries. 

 

But you must claim it. 

You must allow it and demand for it. 

It will never be handed to you without your asking. 

But once asked for it will be given. 

You are the seeker, 

Do not remain blind any longer. 

 

You are walking the tightrope of your life, 

Which way will you fall?

It is time that you see one way is up and the other down. 

You have heaven and hell at your feet. 

It is time to choose. 

 

Will you settle for what you have always known?

Or will you awaken and see the evidence of your soul’s arrival. 

The shifting in time. 

You are being called too. 

 

 

Lifted up. 

The angels support you. 

Your shadow fears. 

It is not of creator, 

Not your truth or destiny. 

Turn away and run toward the path. 

 

Where two different worlds become evident. 

 

Lest you let go of the reigns of your very life to salvage what will have you lost and hungry. 

Broke and battered by the currents of this chaotic world. 

Washing and racking you upon its treacherous shores. 

You will not be able any longer to have discernment, nor love. 

Compassion will fall to the side and you will be haunted by its remembrance. 

This is the life that you fight for. 

This Is the war on self and soul. 

Can you survive?

Make amends today my love, 

With self. 

And open your wings to the heavens. 

Drop the skeletons that you believe are yours, 

And enter your rightful place. 

 

You are worthy, beautiful and strong. 

Time to own your reality. 

 

KNOW THYSELF. 

 

 

Breathe. 

And expand. 

Open. 

Open. 

Open. 

 

Set free the prisoner, 

The prisoner that is you. 

 

 

It’s time to claim your life, 

Now and forever. 

 

As Always, 

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

I WILL FIND YOU.

 

I WILL FIND YOU.

 

As I lay under the starriest of starry nights,

my breath being captivated by the sight of shooting stars,

a crescent moon that I can relax into and my thoughts drift into galaxies unknown before me,

I hear the words….

 

“I will find you.”

 

A distance call from a time unknown,

a feeling of knowing that it is true,

A certainty that I am cradled in this moment by a love deeper than can be fathomed,

held at the breast of of the center of the universe,

and my breath erupts into a rolling gasm of ecstasy.

 

Each inhale carries me further into the brilliance of the night,

each inhale I can feel the earth beneath my body,

a pulse coming from her that is intimate, timeless and supportive.

 

Each exhale is a releasing of my self imposed limitations,

fears and constraints.

 

The exhale of my physical,

and the acceptance of soul.

 

“I will find you.”

 

A celebration of coming home.

A feeling of making love with the universe,

being penetrated by all of time.

 

My hunger for this deep surrender being met in the arms of my greatest lover,

my heart explodes from the revelation that is being offered,

as the night air wraps itself around me and the dewy grass beneath pulls in further,

asking to suckle on my flesh,

while the call of the wild in the distance beats its drum…

 

Calling me home.

Home where I am seen.

Where I am heard.

 

Where I am found.

 

The words are no longer something to be reminded of,

they are here,

in this moment in this wrinkle in time that I never want to let loose of again.

 

Here those words are no longer haunting to my soul,

but they are manifest.

 

I am found,

in the realization that I was never lost.

 

I have been in the arms of my lover since time began.

He has been cradling me,

witnessing my every move,

and hungering for me to awaken so I can see as he does the mysteries around me,

and feel the heartbeat of the earth,

a pulse that carries me away from the static and chaos of the normalcy of the world that is living in fear of being found.

 

Has it always been right here?

Just outside the grasp that I thought that I had.

Beside me,

watching me dance when I thought I was stumbling in the darkness,

but could not see the mystery.

 

” I will find you.”

 

I hear these words calling from the distance of the furthest star in the nights sky,

comets streak the sky,

carrying with them a timeless saga of our souls code,

the sparks of life that transpire and we never notice,

the moments that we take for granted,

allow to go unseen,

and disregard with little to no respect for the magic that makes up our lives.

We are all angels,

fallen and wounded by the tragedies of our past lives unlived,

and we remain broken winged until we choose to breathe in the mysteries of this universe, the magic that can heal us and carry us back to where we know we are to be,

back home.

 

Where we can each be seen in our magnitude,

our voices can be heard singing from the furthest galaxies unknown and known,

and our vision is pure,

because we are found.

We are in our power.

Our wings are open and expanded just as is our breath.

 

The only thing that stands between here,

And where we are each witnessed in our greatest beauty, joy and bliss,

is the illusion that we are not worthy.

 

And to discover our worthiness we must open ourselves to being penetrated by our greatest lover,

we must be willing to expand,

to evolve.

To let go of the constrictive programs and thoughts that chain us to the ground,

we must be willing to put down the fight,

to stop waring within ourselves,

and be willing to know who we are.

Truly who we each are.

Without hesitation or doubt.

 

We must follow that call,

 

” I will find you.”

 

And know that time and space do not exist.

We are eternal,

as is the call that we hear from the distance.

 

It is forever calling us home,

home to where we have no doubt.

No fear or limitations.

 

Asking us to let loose of the chains that we carry so that we can feel the expansion and expression of our worthiness here in this lifetime,

in this fleshy existence that allows us to be enwrapped in a lovers arms,

permits us the opportunity to taste of the wonders and beauty that only human life can offer,

but few slow down to embrace and enjoy.

 

I choose differently.

I choose to open,

here on this dewy grass under the stariest of starry night skies,

with the night breeze dancing through the leaves of trees,

the call of the wild in the distance making itself known.

 

Here I lay,

taken back by the magic,

the orgasmic rush of the earth’s pulse moving through my veins,

with every inhale I feel the depth of the penetration,

my back arches as though there is string coming from my breast and pulling me up to heaven’s gate,

my body rolls and moves to the instrumental vibrations of hearts meeting in the cosmos,

my eye’s roll back and take in the sky from a different perspective,

and I exhale….

 

Releasing into the current.

Letting go of time and space.

 

And allow myself to be taken home.

 

The words that I am reminded of are no more a reminder,

they are here.

 

I am here.

In the arms of my greatest lover.

And he takes me.

 

As I exhale deeper…

 

Deeper.

 

Deeper I am carried.

 

And I am found.

 

 

As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Discover who you are.

Start searching for the life that is before you.

It is time to know your worth and live it.

Claim your life today.

WHAT WOULD YOU SAY IF – I WERE TO TELL YOU I WANTED YOUR SEX, HIS SEX, HIS SEX AND HIS….

WHAT WOULD YOU SAY IF….

I WERE TO TELL YOU I WANT YOUR SEX…

HIS SEX… HIS SEX… AND HIS…..

 

That’s a hard pill to swallow no matter if you are a man or a woman hearing it from your partner.

 

When the one you have invested your life with,

shared so many firsts with,

are doing this thing called life with,

comes to you and says that they desire to explore another,

or a few others.

 

The first reaction is fear.

The next anger.

And then you question,

“whats wrong with me, why am I not good enough.”

 

It feels like your partner has just told you that you mean nothing to them.

It feels like they just drove a million swords into your heart,

into your love and happiness.

And you find yourself not trusting.

feeling lonely, jealous and mad AF!

 

Whether they have acted on the desire of exploring another or not,

Most people struggle with their partners sharing a hunger for anyone but them.

Most feel threatened that their partner would ever even admire someone else.

Let alone say that they may want to explore someone else.

This goes against everything that we have taught since marriage came into play thousands of years ago.

 

But I tell you this little tidbit of truth in relationships.

No matter if you are in a monogamous or open relationship,

it is crazy stupid to think that all our desire,

all our noticing of others,

all of our attractions end for anyone else on this planet and is to ONLY be directed toward the one that we have sworn our sex too, our hearts too, our lives with.

 

The belief that desiring another is not healthy is perhaps one of the most toxic beliefs that can fall into a relationship.

It causes shame, guilt and separation in the relationship.

It prevents each party from being truly authentic with self or each other, and it creates a victim mindset.

 

Think about it,

In our culture that values but does not uphold monogamy we have programmed ourselves to believe everything that is not coming from love.

 

We say that we unconditionally love someone.

We say that we value honesty and truth above anything.

we say that we want our partner to shine,

to be happy and feel their best.

We claim that freedom is high on our list of desires.

We say that we do not want to own anyone.

And then we do everything in our power to do just the opposite.

 

And we start by preventing our partner from feeling their truth.

and ourselves as well.

 

We start by saying that from here forth we are it for each other.

Neither of us will EVER think about, look at or have a desire for anything or anyone outside of this relationship.

 

And if one of us do,

well we certainly better never admit it,

but if we do have a thought or feeling and it gets seen by the other then that will cause great jealousy and fear.

It will prove that the desiring partner is not to be trusted.

It will prove that the love was not real.

It will prove that there is a lack of commitment.

 

Here we have some of the greatest lies told to humans in relationships.

 

THE LIE THAT JEALOUSY IS NORMAL AND IT IS AN INDICATOR OF LOVE.

 

Jealousy has zero to do with love and everything to do with fear and lack of self-worth. It is about controlling someone else through emotional warfare to hold them in place to where we remain comfortable and feel safe. Jealousy is a sign of insecurity in the one feeling it and has NOTHING to do with actual love.

 

THE LIE THAT YOU SHOULD MEET YOUR PARTNERS EVERY NEED AND IF YOU DON’T THEN YOU ARE INADEQUATE OR THEY ARE TOO NEEDY.

 

This is a most unreal expectation placed on all of us in a relationship.

No one will ever be able to meet someone elses every need. No where else in our life experience are we expected to fulfill every need met for any person in our lives, children, friends or work related, we understand that it takes a village to meet all the needs. However when it comes to our sexual/romantic relationships we believe differently.

 

Here we get trapped in the concept that our partner MUST be our everything. That they must complete us. And if they do not or we cannot for them then we are not good enough or they are not.  If we do everything that we can to fulfill every need and fall short then perhaps our partners are too needy, perhaps they want for too much and are even using us or taking us for granted.

 

When in truth these expectations are simply unreal, causing shame, guilt and feelings of a lack of worthiness or enoughness in one or both parties.

 

THE IDEA THAT YOUR INSECURITIES ARE YOUR PARTNER’S RESPONSIBILITY TO TIP TOE AROUND AND NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO WORK ON.

 

We are told that if our partner loves us then they will do everything in their power to not hurt us. To not harm our feelings and that if our feelings get hurt that it is a direct attack from someone who is being selfish and uncaring. We walk into a relationship expecting the other to magically never trigger us into any negative feelings or thoughts and to be able to read our past memories and current moods and thoughts without us having to say anything to them. And when they do not… OMFG! how disrespectful and uncaring.

The blame game is among one of our favorite games to play because it takes our responsibility away from managing ourselves and allows us to manipulate our partners emotions by having them believe that they are so powerful because of the love that we hold for them to make or break us in any given moment. We expect them to change and to grow, to become better so that we can somehow avoid the hassle of ownership of our own mind, hearts and actions. “You made me feel….” ” You should have known…” etc.

 

The truth is that NO ONE is responsible for our feelings or thoughts. Our hyperactive sensitivity has nothing to with this world or anyone else in it, instead it shows how insecure we are in ourselves about who we are and how we choose to turn over our power consistently in the pursuit to get what we want the most in that moment… control over someone else’s actions, thoughts and feelings.  The only person who can ever help us or change us is the person in the mirror and until we fall in love with that person and fully accept them in all their humanness we will never feel secure in the arms of another.

 

THE BELIEF THAT COMMITMENT IS SYNONYMOUS WITH EXCLUSIVITY.

 

Commitment = Exclusivity is the common belief. If you desire or need any other romantic/sexual or emotional relationship then you are not committed. Matter a fact you are considered to have commitment fears and issues.  This is sort of like saying if you have more than one child you can only be committed to one child and none of the others. There is only so much love to go around. Only so much concern. If you are committed then you should not ever have any curiosity. You should never feel a connection with anyone else.

And if you do, well you are not committed. You are not to be trusted. And certainly do not value the love that you share.

 

When the truth is that these two are not the same.

To be committed is to be dedicated and loyal to someone.

That does not mean that you have to exclude every other person from your life and all relationships that may trigger your partner.

Commitment is something that is unique by definition to each individual, because loyalty or dedication means something different to each.

Yet in many relationships we believe that once we are with someone that we can no longer have friends of the opposite sex, that we have to be completely different around the opposite sex, and we have to close off our personalities, close down the things that we enjoy and avoid at all cost or risk the perception that we are not committed in our relationship. This also comes back to the concept that we are responsible for our partners’ insecurities.

But it is not true.

 

THE IDEA THAT YOUR VALUE TO YOUR PARTNER IS DIRECTLY PROPORTIONAL TO THE AMOUNT OF TIME AND ENERGY THEY SPEND WITH YOU, AND ZERO-SUM COMPETITION WITH EVERYTHING ELSE THEY VALUE IN LIFE – INCLUDING OTHER RELATIONSHIPS.

 

When we are in a romantic relationship we feel like we need to attach at the hip.  After all, this person is our person. This is our best friend, our lover, our life partner. We should want to spend as much time together as possible, right. And if they care, if they really love us then there will be zero competition with anything else in their lives. They will want to be with us more than they want to learn that new skill, or play with their hobby, more than they want to work on themselves or build their career, and they most certainly will ALWAYS choose us over any other relationship.

 

Just because we are in a romantic relationship does not mean that all of our desire for everything else should go away.  It does not mean that we stop wanting to explore and expand alone. It does not mean that we must spend every possible waking moment together nor that we need to experience every first with each other. These are ridiculous, illogical ideas that can not be manifested without killing desire for our partner and creating boredom.

In order for us to crave our partners we must expand as an individual. We must have a life outside of our mate.  So often people feel like they have lost themselves, that they don’t know who they are anymore or that their partner does not see them anymore. This all stems from the fact that they prevented the space for growth as an individual and thus lost the magic of the relationship.

 

THE IDEA THAT BEING OF VALUE TO YOUR PARTNER SHOULD ALWAYS MAKE UP A LARGE PORTION OF HOW YOU VALUE YOURSELF.

 

You complete me is a common statement that you hear in romantic relationships.  The idea of being completed by someone lends to it the concept that because we feel fulfilled by a relationship that if that person ever changes or needs for something else or more that in turn we are not of as much value to them therefore we lose our own self-value because the thing that shows of the evidence of being worthy and valuable/lovable has changed.

 

This is crazy. Self-worth, love and value should never be sought for or hinge on anything outside of ourselves and our relationship to self and if we believe in God then to God or Source. The outside world and everyone in it just like ourselves are ever changing. We have no control over what occurs outside of ourselves and if we hinge our value on such we will never be strong in who we are or know ourselves. We will never feel safe or be able to trust.

 

THE IDEA THAT THERE IS A “ONE” OR SOULMATE AND THAT THIS INSURMOUNTABLE LOVE CAN OVERCOME ANY OBSTACLES OR DIFFERENCES.

 

We buy into the idea that there is only “one” true love and that when we find it that it will be able to conquer all challenges.  However, when that does not happen then we feel shortchanged, untrusting and question if love even exists.  The reality is that love, any love has its limits because we do not think of love in an unconditional way. We mix love up with need therefore the love that we desire to achieve in our relationships often comes with many hidden expectations as well as feelings of a need to control it out of fear of losing it. 

The concept of “the one” is beautiful and brings with it the idea that we are uniquely made just for someone else, meaning that we are indispensable to our partner. However this like so many other toxic beliefs in relationships is illogical. We each are unique no matter what, however if we are so needed by someone else is that love or need that is ruling our relationship and thus heart and with that is there any room for each individual to grow, change or transform as life will do to all of us? There is not under the guise of this belief. Because if we evolve as individuals then we may grow out of certain needs with our soulmate. Thus creating separation and a disconnect if both are not growing singularly as well as a couple.

In truth what we see with “the one” is that we are each “the one” for RIGHT NOW for someone and they for us. And maybe that relationship is romantic, maybe it is not.  But what we are to gain from the relationship experience is a greater knowing of self through the experience of another who challenges us, triggers us and calls us forth to become so much more of who we truly are.

 

These relationship myths and beliefs are an under current to our society. They are put on pedestals in our culture from movies and songs, to paintings and literature. They are focused upon in our spiritual study and ingrained in us from our pastors, family and friends.

All of them lead us to a false concept of love.

Unreal expectations of relationships for self and our partners and separation of self by preventing us from not owning our hearts, our thoughts and feelings, let alone our desires and needs out of fear of losing what we call love that is actually control over another.

 

No matter the label that you put on your relationship the question that you should ask of yourself and your partner of RIGHT NOW is,

“Can I be me unapologetically and authentically without a fear of losing you because of me being me? “

 

If you can both answer yes truthfully then you have love and acceptance of self and each other. These are the building blocks to an ever evolving relationship and life.

 

If not, then you need to ask yourself if sacrificing yourself for your lifetime will ever bring you the happiness and love that you are hoping it will?

 

As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Want to learn more about authentic relating and how to develop a relationship based in unconditional love? Reach out to me to learn more about my couples and individual coaching today.

It’s time to realize that you are worthy of a beautiful relationship.

WHEN YOU OPEN YOURSELF, THE WORLD IS BEAUTIFUL AND SCARY.

WHEN YOU OPEN YOURSELF, THE WORLD IS BEAUTIFUL AND SCARY.

 

But boy is it ever worth it.

And I believe that it is how God intends on each of us to live.

Remaining open,

breathing into life,

and allowing ourselves to always lean forward in love no matter what the perception of a situation may be.

 

How freeing is it to all those we engage with when we enter into a situation from love and from a place of knowing that we can always feel good. It is a choice.

It is a habit to make feeling good our priority in life.

 

Sure there are those times when shit hits the fan and you feel your heart tugged,

you feel like you may not  be able to breathe or even survive from the sheer pain that is moving through you,

but even in these moments where suffering feels inevitable there can still be love,

there can still be joy.

You can align to your inner being and to God and you can lean into the feelings,

into the pain and see it for what it is.

A mask.

A mask that is blocking our truth.

The truth of who we are and how beautiful we all are when we are open to our true nature.

 

It is hard to see our beauty or how lovely our lives can be when we are washed over with difficult times,

when our emotions are sharing with us the opposite of anything that feels good.

When we are full of questions, concerns, worry and fear.

When we feel like we have made massive mistakes and that we are “bad people.”

 

But if we choose in these moments to open ourselves up,

to face those fears,

to stand before our egos illusions and to breathe further into the experience,

to lean further into that, that we fear so deeply,

that has us wanting to run and hide,

and we do it from our innermost spaces,

which are love.

 

Then we can experience bliss even in the midst of pain.

We can expand further into who we truly are,

and we can stand strong in our knowing of self.

Here there is no fear of getting it wrong.

Here there is no worry of what will be or come,

There is only love.

 

And love does not feel pain.

Love is not fearful of the moment or the future.

Love does not question if it is right.

Love does not doubt its experience.

Love just is that love,

and love is blissful.

 

It ignites us.

It is seeing our lives through rose tinted glasses.

It has us hungry to feel deeper and more of it.

Love expands us and has us desiring to share it,

freely,

without constraints and restrictions,

there are no rules to love because it just is our purest state of being.

 

For us to feel this glory however,

we must push past the ego based will and programs of our human state,

where we shackle love,

where we control it and dictate how it is to move and be expressed,

where it is okay to share according to what the world, society and our peeps deem fitting.

As long as we sit back and let this world tell us how to love and what to feel and what is correct or not,

as long as we hold our hearts out in approval from those who do not even feel our hearts,

and ask that they be forgiven for feeling the way that they do,

as though love is a mortal sin,

an evil that cannot or should not be seen,

unless it fits in this tidy little expression of itself,

yes until we let go of these beliefs,

we will never feel our truth.

We will never be able to fully access our highest potential and to live in full expression of our soul.

We will forever be preventing the mystery of God to move through us in its full capability,

because we have not learned how to trust in love.

How to be moved by it,

and how love is the gateway to our truth.

Our power and our wisdom.

It is the aligning agent that we all crave and search for,

but as we feel it empressing itself upon us we fear its power,

thus fear our truth.

 

We fear the pain of losing love,

but we cannot ever lose it.

 

When we feel love with another being it is just showing us how beautiful we are.

The feeling of love for another is a mirror reflection of our alignment to our truth, to God and how our inner beings feel about us and this life that we are living.

The masks of the ego are not residing in these moments of truth.

Only our souls are speaking and letting us feel their words through the flutter of our hearts.

 

Fear and beauty dance in this space of opening up.

We move from ego to soul,

soul to ego.

And the world keeps spinning and sharing its illusions with us.

Our next steps into our truth will only ever be determined by what we choose to focus on,

by what we choose to listen to more.

 

soul or ego.

beauty or fear.

 

These are our options.

This is the human experience,

the expansion of our vessels,

the meeting of who we are,

the meeting of our truth.

 

Lean in and feel the raggedy edge of your ego,

where you will fear your heart but desire to be set free.

 

Unshackled.

And in love.

 

 

 

As Always,

 

Stop Existing & Start Living

 

Coaching for Grown A*s Believers

 

 

October Asskickery Month is almost upon us.

 

Are you wanting to make some changes in your life, love or sex?

 

Want to take action but do not know where to start?

 

Need a swift kick to get what you want?

 

Reach out to me about this global opportunity to have that F-ck Yes Life that you are wanting for now.