WHEN WE ARE WILLING TO HARM OURSELVES FOR LOVE.

WHEN WE ARE WILLING TO HARM OURSELVES FOR LOVE.
 
Or so we tell ourselves that this is what we are doing.
We say that we would do anything for the one that we love.
We say that we just want them to be happy.
We say that we are willing to put aside our needs, boundaries, wants, etc.
and often we do.
 
Then we sit back and let our love kick us in the gut with what they want.
We sit there watching them doing what they want,
what they “need” and what we agreed to but we question how it is possible for them to be alright with doing whatever it is,
TO US.
 
And what are we really wanting from our lover at this moment?
We are wanting them to put us first.
We are wanting to know that they would do the same for us.
Meaning not that they would offer the same experience back,
but that they would actually sacrifice this “thing” for us.
 
That they see us as enough.
That they desire us, just as is without whatever else they may be wanting.
We want them to see our pain and then not want us to be in it at their hand, so prevent it. Protect us.
 
We want to be the MOST IMPORTANT THING.
And yet we are so often quick to set aside ourselves and allow the space for our mates, our lovers to be themselves. To enjoy what they need and want, to get the healing that they need however they need…
and we do it willinging at the cost of our own self-esteem and respect.
 
Sadly once we humans start to allow our respect and esteem to be stripped away in relationships, we lose ourselves and in doing that we lose the intimacy and connection we once had to self and our partner thus we lose the relationship.
 
How can we expect our partner to respect us if we do not respect ourselves enough to set a healthy boundary and know when we are a NO?
 
So instead…
 
Not wanting to control our love.
Not wanting to be conditional.
Not wanting to appear weak or jealous.
We say yes.
 
A death sentence to most relationships.
Pain and bitterness build up with a sweet smile of fake acceptance and a nod of fake approval.
Our emotional bank accounts go in the red with each pain stabbing event that takes place,
and we wonder over time where the love went?
We wonder why it’s never enough giving and accepting?
We wonder when our pain will come to an end?
 
Or if it ever will.
Believing that we are strong enough to withhold,
we attempt to stand strong and support our partner.
 
But an empty beam has no strength to support anything substantial.
 
In the name of love we exhaust ourselves until we break.
 
THIS is the tale of so many love stories gone wrong.
In working with thousands of couples over the last couple decades I have repeatedly been witness to this traumatic saga.
 
There is hope.
There are solutions.
You can repair the shattered hearts and ego’s.
You can reconnect at a deep soul level and recapture trust and respect in your intimate relationship.
 
But it requires a desire to step out of the comfort and lies you are telling yourself that you are doing this for your love.
 
That this is what love is even.
 
Love is not about sacrificing yourself to the point of no return.
Love is not about denying yourself respect in a relationship.
Love is not about embracing constant pain from your mate.
 
A healthy, harmonious love relationship understands that we are in a relationship to heal at a deeper level.
It understands that we both enter a relationship with baggage and that that baggage will get triggered repeatedly by our mate.
It sees this, accepts this but knows that loving communication that is focused on problem solving NOT being right or understood is key to a successful, happy and soul connected relationship.
It knows that saying yes when we are a no of any level, will do more damage than good.
 
It does not play games of take away,
it does not hide from its truth or from confrontation.
It comes to the relationship wanting to connect deeper,
to love deeper and to expand in that love.
 
Relationship is said to be hard,
I believe that relationship is easy.
It’s not difficult getting into one,
It’s not even that difficult to get out of one.
What’s hard is communicating our authentic YES and NO and having faith that it will be accepted by our loved one.
 
What is even more challenging is consciously hearing in love our partners YES and NO.
Relationship is a clarifying tool to our lives,
It helps us to see who we really are, what we really want in life,
Where we have been settling for so little and how much expansion we have still to gain from.
 
True love centered relating comes from putting our ego’s to the side to the best of our abilities and wanting to hear and feel where our partner is at in any given situation. It is sitting in compassion with ourselves and our mate, not in pity, fear, shame, guilt or blame.
 
Realize that in times you fear loss and pain in your relationship that you are stepping away from your heart space, you are no longer hearing yourself or your partner authentically because your ego has run away with your ears and mouth. You are ten steps ahead of what they are trying to share because you are not being present with them or yourself but instead are assuming you already know and are trying to solve the problem alone. You did not arrive here alone! And you will never solve the problem as long as you are acting from the energy of the problem.
 
Look into your heart today and see where you are stepping away from your heart, away from your relationship and love and allowing yourself to act from pain.
 
How is this serving your relationship?
 
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
Ready to claim your life back from suffering, fear, doubt and misfortune? Ready to call in the love relationship you desire. The abundance you crave for and the joy you know can be yours.
 
This Is what I have worked with thousands of people like yourself to have over the last two decades. Reach out to me today.

WE ARE THE ONLY SPECIES THAT WANTS TO GO AGAINST OUR BIOLOGY.

WE ARE THE ONLY SPECIES THAT WANTS TO GO AGAINST OUR BIOLOGY.

 

Well, mostly we women that is.

Guys will claim THIS, but somewhere inside they get it is not so, they know that they claim it to just keep that doorway there,

where we women tend to want to disregard, ignore and act as though we are above our biology.

 

It was not that long ago that I was one of these women myself.

I thought that I could manage it.

I truly believed that I could have the relationship and it just be what I was calling it and that both parties were feeling the same way.

I believed that we were elevated in consciousness to the level that sexual desire did not play a role and that I could seriously “just be friends” with my male friends and that they were down for it just being that and even wanted just that.

 

THEN I came into the awareness that most if not all of my male friends were actually attracted to me and that if given the opportunity would happily walk through the door of a sexual encounter with me.  So I justified the friendship by saying that they respected me and my wishes and that it was manageable.

I came to terms, with if a guy was hanging out in my life as a friend of some nature that he most likely wanted to bed me and I then believed that that was just the way it was and I had to accept it, but could still have the friendships, just needed to be aware.

 

After all, I am one of those women who has never not had a male friendship since I was 2 – years old.

I have had far more “good” friendships with men than with women over the course of my life.

The thought of giving up my male friendships pained me.

Feeling as though I would have no one left in my true friendship circle if I dumped the guys.

 

Then I had a few conversations with my son’s who are grown and almost grown, with some of these male friends, with male clients and even with my man.

 

Their shares can be summed up here,

“Why would I hang out with a female if I was not attracted to her? If I wanted to hang out for all the reasons we guys hang out and do what we guys do, then I would certainly choose to hang out with a guy friend, not a female.”

 

They all came back with, if they were hanging with a female there were desires to be with her intimately.

 

And I started to really allow myself to feel this.

To get right with male/female relating.

I looked at my conversations, my shared moments with the majority of my male friends and saw the intimateness.

Sure there was no sex, there was no kissing or intimate touch, but we certainly did share intimacy. Only the kind of intimacy that you can get from the opposite sex.

 

That vibe.

That feeling.

There was even a flirtiness at times.

 

Beautiful as it is, it is ground that is not stable.

And no matter how respectful and loyal a male friend can be to us women, if given the opportunity to have a door crack open and him get a chance to be with us, he will.

Meaning that if you are a committed woman, in any label of relationship out there (and I have been under a few labels over the course of the last two decades) that if you are pissed, upset, feeling disconnected in any fashion or form with YOUR MAN, and you share confidence with a male friend, know that you are cracking a door open.

 

If you are a single woman and you have guy friends,

and believe that they can maintain without issues,

understand first you are almost being cruel to the men in your life,

because without realizing it you are teasing them.

Yes just by being you.

Just by doing you.

 

If you want to be taken on dates,

experience the male energy,

etc. then perhaps looking at doing just that is the answer.

GO ON A DATE.

 

And realize that often the best romantic and intimate relationships are based in friendship.

The fact that you think of a man as a good friend,

If you have a trust, a vulnerability there, a fun playfulness with your male friend and you are both open to a relationship that is of more than your pseudo friendship, then maybe the universe has already blessed you with a wonderful man to explore in a romantic fashion.

 

If you are good with just “managing” these male relationships and keeping them at bay in some fashion, ask yourself:

 

💃 What am I really gaining from this friendship or looking for with it if I know that he wants me sexually but is just holding back because of what I have stated the boundaries are?

💃 How can this male friendship impact (positively /negatively) an intimate relationship I am in or want to be in?

💃 If I was in an intimate relationship with someone and they were having deep conversations, moments and connections of a vulnerable/intimate yet non-sexual version with another woman frequently what sort of impact would that have on the relationship? Emotionally? Physically?Energetically?

💃 What does significant other or primary relationship mean to me and how does opposite sex relationships outside of this hinder or support?

 

Now, I know what you might be feeling.

You may say, that is such an emotionally immature way of looking at relationships.

You may say that a “conscious man” is above this.

You may say that there is zero harm from being flirty with your male friends, no matter if you are in a romantic relationship or not with someone else.

You may actually believe and point to lifelong friendships that have never let you down and you are certain that they are “just a brother” to you.

 

I have thought all of this.

I have believed all of this.

And repeatedly been blown out of the water from these.

 

We cannot deny our biology.

Men are men.

Women are women.

And we relate differently.

We bond differently.

 

Men love boobs, booty, legs, hair, our eyes and are wanting to  explore us inside and out.

 

They will smile, chat it up, be helpful and drive from a state away to to  show us how much they want to  give us their attention.

They will support us in the worst of times.

They will applaud us in the best of times.

 

And they mean it.

But they still want the woman that stands before them.

They would not be putting their attention on us if they did not desire us in some fashion.

 

This is why so many men fall in the face of a woman’s attention.

Wars have been based, fought and won for the chance to be with a woman.

 

It’s just biology.

 

We women need to get right with it and stop being silly,

thinking that it’s harmless however.

 

Time to level up your relating.

 

As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Believing

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Ready to claim your life back from suffering, fear, doubt and misfortune? Ready to call in the love relationship you desire. The abundance you crave for and the joy you know can be yours.

This Is what I have worked with thousands of people like yourself to have over the last two decades. Reach out to me today.

THIS IS THE MOST UNDERVALUED THING IN LOOKING FOR GUIDANCE TODAY.

THANK HEAVENS MY GRANDSON’S HEART TRANSPLANT WAS DONE BY AN EXCELLENT SURGEON WITH EXPERIENCE.
Right?
I mean can you imagine if the task had been handed over to a store clerk or a mechanic?
That sounds crazy right?
We would never allow that to happen.
Surgery of any kind is serious business.
It’s our health, our life.
It bears serious implications if not done well.
So of course you would never think to turn over the knife to someone who does not know how to use it or understand the human body.
Yet we do this frequently in other parts of our life.
We do it with ease.
We do not even stop to hesitate.
We just lay it all down and take the best priced option typically.
Or the quickest sounding.
We may ask if they have understanding, experience or degrees but we don’t slow down and actually inquire about their hands on knowledge.
And depending on what area of life you are asking for help and guidance in, the person you are turning toward may need certain skill sets or wisdom about what “could” happen or how things work in the real world, not just what they read in a textbook or saw on a training video.
I would say that you get what you pay for,
However our new world which has an on sloth of “experts ” and “guru’s” reveals something totally different in my opinion.
Being part of many coaching communities I see tons of new coaches coming on board, building their businesses, working with people, learning from mistakes as we all do and also getting told,
“Just proclaim yourself an expert in the field and you are one.”
This is the truth though.
If someone proclaims themselves such.
If someone shows up enough on social media and in livestreams.
If someone writes well and can be believable to some level.
If someone puts on the face that others want to see for that trade.
THEN…
They are experts.
They suddenly have wisdom that they did not earn.
They suddenly can just lean on tales they have heard as their own and make others believers of their experiences.
They are foxy little wolves in sheeps clothing for sure.
And this is what our world is full of.
It’s frustrating to myself and I am sure to others out there in the world who see this occurrence happening daily.
We see the damage that it causes.
The relationships that it destroys.
The pain and suffering that individuals are going through because of poor leadership and guidance.
But we as a society do not value experience.
REAL LIFE EXPERIENCE.
We want the virgin to give us the mind blowing sex tips.
We want the priest to tell us what to expect in the delivery room.
We want the mechanic to tell us how to build our health practice.
We want the person who has never been in a relationship to share the best strategies on how to deal with our mate.
We want the person who eats nothing but fast food and is sedentary to show us how to get the body and health of our dreams.
It’s worse than asking the devil for the steps to get to the kingdom of heaven. Sure he may know them, but is he likely going to share them? And what he does share are you going to blindly trust because he says I know God.
At least the devil does know God.
Is a fallen angel.
And does know what it takes to get there.
But we rely on those who do not know their bum from a hole in the ground for vital, life altering guidance in so many areas of life and we do so just because they have proclaimed something.
Because we are to effing lazy to inquire.
To pay attention.
To do the research.
To listen to our intuition about someone.
Or we hand the reins over because they are cheaper or claim to get quicker results.
Or give us answers that feel more comfortable than the truth.
They were nice.
They were pretty.
They had a nice voice.
I liked their shirt.
Experience.
It truly is the most undervalued thing we have these days.
We do not value wisdom.
We have lost ourselves in some strange concept that youthfulness is powerful and wise.
Wisdom is built on the foundation of failure.
And failure only comes from life experience.
Learning what works and what does not.
Wisdom, life skill, understanding…
TAKES TIME.
But you want it quick.
You want it handed to you.
And that will cost you dearly.
But at least you may learn from your error and gain wisdom.
Right?
So there is something good after all to come from choosing poor leadership and guidance.
What area are you feeling you may need support in?
What subject area of your life needs guidance from someone who has walked there before and come through the thick of it only to rise back into the light, a stronger, more wise soul?
Will you choose wisely those you allow to guide your life, your love, your money, your freedom and health?
Or will you do what is easiest?
As Always,
In service.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Ready to claim your life back from suffering, fear, doubt and misfortune? Ready to call in the love relationship you desire. The abundance you crave for and the joy you know can be yours.
This Is what I have worked with thousands of people like yourself to have over the last two decades. Reach out to me today.

DON’T LET YOUR FAITH BE STOLEN JUST BECAUSE THE SH*T COMES DOWN.

DON’T LET YOUR FAITH BE STOLEN JUST BECAUSE THE SH*T COMES DOWN.
Okay it’s Sunday and I feel preachy.
Life has been sharing some reminders with me about:
Light.
Dark.
God.
Devil.
Good.
Evil.
It’s hard for us humans to wrap our pretty little heads around abstract things. We want there to be titles, labels and certainties that if we do this or that, that we are untouchable.
We want to be untouchable here and now,
in this lifetime.
At this very moment.
Yippie for being saved in the afterlife.
Yippie for salvation.
Yippie for heaven.
Yippie for eternal life.
If we do this or that.
Yeah, it’s all groovy AF.
But let’s get real.
We are spiritual beginnings living a physical life.
We want goodness and blessing now.
We want security and safety now.
We want happiness and good tidings now.
We want our love, our finances, our health, our families to all flourish and be blessed.
And this is why we pray.
This is why we go to church.
This is why we ask for saving.
This is why we read our scriptures and listen to the wisdom of the masters.
Because we want it NOW.
There are a few statements I am reminded of as of late,
“The path is narrow and few will find it.”
“Then it goes and brings with it seven other spirits more evil than itself, and they enter and dwell there, and the last state of that person is worse than the first. “
“You cannot partake at the table of God and the table of demons.”
And I do not recall the exact passage, but I know it’s out there ( so if you know please feel free to share in comments) about how Satan goes after those with the most light.
As we expand our vessels in light, as we turn our faces to the path, we are tempted. Most temptation however is not overt, it is not there showing itself as foe. Darkness seeps in and feeds off our light by befriending us, supporting us in times of weakness. The darkness of this world does not have a desire to turn those who are already sitting at its table partaking in the food and drink there. The darkness desires your light.
The darkness desires to turn your faith into fear.
The darkness desires to overcome you gradually as your friend.
Truly the wolf in sheep’s clothing.
And it aims to conquer over anyone who turns toward the light,
who stands strong in their faith and calls themselves a believer.
And THIS, is why so many good people experience bad things.
In the here and now.
Your goodness,
your good deeds,
your acts of kindness and mercy,
your heart of service,
your faith,
is the BIGGEST magnet that you can imagine to call in the darkness.
Because you my love are food for evil.
By getting you to feel fear, doubt, envy, jealousy, hatred, revenge, lust, greed and more the darkness sinks its talons into you. Planting a seed that it can now easily water with its friendship.
And without knowing you will find yourself laying down arms, lowering your gates and trusting the love of this dear friend.
The greatest trikery of the devil is to present as an angel of light.
But we forget this vital information.
We also forget that we are living on the battlefield of good and evil.
We forget that our lives are what we are fighting for.
And that in our accomplishments in this life,
in the love we share, the success that we have, the service that we do that we must be aware that lies are all about.
And when our goodness seems to be rewarded with strife.
When we fall ill for no reason.
When suffering comes down upon us and we feel lost that it is a sign that we have allowed the trickster close to us.
That we have somehow opened our gates to a friend that was not truly such.
So we must now choose.
Choose which table we will sit at.
Choose if we want to see the truth.
Choose if we are willing to sever the head of the beast and claim our lives.
Claim our joy and happiness.
In the here and now.
We were not born to sacrifice our lives here on earth.
We were not born to suffer.
We were born to conquer the darkness.
We are God’s army of earth angels.
And we get to make heaven on earth.
We get to live in joy and love.
Abundance and strength.
But it will require us facing our own inner demons.
It will force us to witness that the gate is narrow and that few ( yes even those we love the most possibly) will not find it.
It will reveal to us that those we have entrusted to guide us, support us and show us the way because they are so “Godly” because they proclaim to be servants, or claim to be believers or that they are saved may in truth be our foe.
Be the darkness cloaked in light.
On this beautiful Sunday evening,
I ask you to take a moment and to call in your angels.
Cast out the demons that plague your world.
I ask you to believe that you were born for greatness.
That you are worthy of love and blessing.
NOW.
To know that God does not make unworthy things.
But it is up to YOU to see the truth.
And pull back the wool.
It is up to you to realize that none of us are safe.
None of us get to say that we do not want to be on this battlefield.
You were born and therefore you are on it.
Now choose sides.
I hope you choose light.
I hope you choose love.
I hope you choose goodness.
I hope you choose sight.
And no matter how the sh*t comes down in your world, I hope you choose faith. And have a knowing that these measures of darkness in your life are signs.
But if you fall prey,
also know that you open yourself to seven times the destruction.
As Always,
In loving service.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Want to know how to live a life on fire and with purpose. In love with clarity. Understanding your intuition and the signs that God/universe send to you daily assisting you to triumph over negative forces? Reach out to me today about my 1:1 coaching/mentoring to learn how to Claim Your Life and Love NOW!

How I lost 18 Pounds in 4 months with Zero Effort, Only Doing One THING!

👉👉👉CAN A MAN BE THE BEST WEIGHT MANAGEMENT SYSTEM, SLEEP AGENT AND STRESS REDUCER OUT THERE?

 

The right man certainly can be.🤯

Today I speak to all the 👑queens out there who look in the mirror, do those little sidewards poses sucking in your tummies, checkin’ out how the booty looks in those pants, if the “girls” are perky looking today or if you need to grab the extra support bra. How your eyes look. Are you needing extra concealer, are the lines, soft wrinkles and exhaustion from life showing up to boldly or…💃💃💃

 

Today I am sharing a revelation with you that I have witnessed over the course of time in different ways in my own personal life and with friends and clients alike.

 

But when I tell you that from a VERY personal and real level, I have never been through such a beautiful transformation as the one that I am in currently in and it all stems from the love of the right man. Now, don’t get me wrong here…

it’s not actually his action of love that is doing anything.

Its not a massive amount of sex.

It’s not really anything other than I can put down all my armour with him and surrender.

 

🤯Whoa…

 

Did you catch that big scary word that most queens do not like to speak outloud?

 

SURRENDER.

 

Lay down our armour?🦸‍♀️

Put down the shields and sword?⚔️

Trust the MF masculine?

 

I know, I have gone off the deep end for some of you ladies out there. In todays time when we women are able to be self-sufficent and not need relationship, just have the sex we want, when we want and live our lives without the bartering with a man, the concept of surrendering to the masculine seems shear ludicrous and crazy.

 

I get it.

 

But are you fulfilled?

Sure you may believe that you are.

You got the career, the kids, the house, the money, the “freedom” but where do you allow yourself to be held?

Where do you allow your softness as the feminine to be revealed?

And if you are a coupled queen, do you truly let your king shine as a man or do you constantly overthrow his throne with your fear of being controlled by him?

 

Do you in essence cuckold your man?😲🤔🤯

You “give him sex” but you do not actually receive him or let him receive you?

 

Coupled or single,

What we desire in a relationship on both sides of the coin is connection.

Put simply connection DOES NOT come from two physical bodies engaging in sex or physical touch.

Connection comes from emotional bonding and trust.

Connection comes from being able to embody one’s self with deep presence and thus can actually feel at an emotional and energetic level their partner.

They are willing to reveal themselves fully.

They are willing to be seen authentically.

They are willing to be naked in every way with their lover.

 

These things can NEVER be achieved with our armour up.

These things cannot happen without surrender from our deepest heart center with our lover.

 

And as long as we choose to uphold that emotional/energetic armour in our sexing, in our relationships, with our intimacy we will also bear the effects of the armour which are actual weight of the physical body.

Stress of the mind.

Emotional overload and imbalances.

We will not be able to lay our heads down and truly rest.

Because the weight of life,

the guarding of our hearts,

and the exhaustion of us “acting out a role for survival” will only create restlessness of our souls.

 

When we enter a soulmate relationship,

a union with our true significant other we have zero desire to hold onto our swords and weapons. We do not want barriers to our heart.

 

👊👊👊We want UNION.

Zero space between.

 

And when we truly enter a relationship of this divine nature we also reap the rewards here in the physical if we are willing to surrender to this sort of depth and authentic connection in love.

 

WE STAND NAKED IN EVERY WAY BEFORE OUR SOULMATE.

 

And here we find our truest freedom.

Our most unbound love.

We discover who we really are,

and we open ourselves to him.

 

And he as a heart centered man,

strong in his masculine and purpose driven in his life understands that the way he penetrates your heart as his queen is also how he penetrates his world.

He must lean fully into your gates in love and trust of the feminine or he his lack of surrender will be felt and you will not be able to trust him.

 

However you my dear queen must remember that it is a two way street ALWAYS.

 

If you as a woman refuse to trust yourself,

if you refuse to get out of your mind space,

If you refuse to speak your truth,

if you refuse to take responsibility for your emotions, your orgasms, your choices, your triggers and your fear,

then he cannot lean into your gates in trust.

 

A king cannot lead his queen to the most delicious moments of connection and intimacy if his queen does not respect him in his masculine.  And a queen can never respect a king who does not know whom he is and who has healthy boundaries and a stable heart center.

 

So can a man be the best weight management system, sleep agent and stress reducer out there?

 

Yes the right man certainly can.

The right man + the right woman can conquer their world together.

They will thrive and live unbound in their love.

They will be healthy physically, emotionally, sexually, financially and spiritually.

 

Unfortunately it is my opinion from my over two decades of working with couples that the harsh reality is that about 85% of unions are not soul based but need based.

Survival based.

 

And it shows my dear queen in your face.

In your eyes.

In your body.

In how you speak of yourself.

In how you show up in your life.

 

I love you beautiful.

You are worthy of a king that is worthy of you.

 

But you have to first want to find him and then be willing to lay down your armour.

 

As Alway,

Loving you from 18 pounds lighter,  radiance in my face and eyes, a good night’s sleep in my mans arms and lovin’ the skin I am in with a surrendered heart to my King 👑

 

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Queens let’s chat about getting you back into your rightful throne.

Based in that beautiful heart center, let me show you the steps to putting down the armour with your soulmate or how to call in your soulmate if that’s where you are at and how to fully become embodied in love and orgasm today.

PERCEPTION IS REALITY AND YES IT EFFECTS YOUR HAPPINESS.

PERCEPTION IS REALITY.

And Jesus could not do miracles in his home town because of this.

 

My ex-husband always hated it when I said this to him. He would argue with me that we are not responsible for how others view us and that it does not matter either. He would tell me repeatedly that all that mattered was how we saw ourselves.

 

If we believed that we were showing up a certain way,

THEN WE WERE.

 

Well, I still stand firm with the idea that perception is reality.

It may not be truth, granted… but it sure the f-ck is reality to those that are perceiving and here is how it impacts us when we are perceived in any fashion.

 

I first want to state that Einstein brought this point to light when he spoke about how reality is an illusion, quantum physics supports this by revealing to us that our perception… Our witnessing of reality in nature or life in general is the determining factor to our outcomes.

 

The law of attraction is based on this very concept in truth, that perception is reality.

 

Now we are speaking about our personal perception here to our worlds and what we desire to have as an outcome, which supports my ex-husbands belief structure that others perception does not matter, only our own view of our world and being in alignment to US is what makes our reality.

 

What if the world around us see’s us in one way and we do not agree with it though? That we do not even see it?

 

The illusion of the reality of our outside world although still an illusion perhaps,  albeit a persistent one. Is the reality that we are facing.

 

When we receive a message from this outside perspective it is our duty to self to explore its possibilities when we are faced with it more then once. 

 

Realizing that we are always receiving the perfect message, the perfect lesson at the perfect time of our lives is helpful in such moments, as  often when we have to address outside perceptions that differ with our own inner sight on things, it can be painful and scary. The most loving and responsible thing we can do as individuals is to realize that if something keeps coming back to us, and especially when it comes from multiple sources that maybe, just maybe we as the common denominator are creating it somehow.

 

Now we can say all day long that it is not our responsibility as to how others see us.

 

But I challenge you on this way of believing because relationships with others and our world around us creates our very lives. 

 

I deal with this matter of perception frequently in my life.

For years as a tantra and sex and relationship coach in open relationships and being very playful and uninhabited in my exploration I created an energy that said that I was all about free love. That I was into swinging, f-ck buddies and NOT monogomous at all.  I spoke about openness, I lived it, I breathed it and I enjoyed it, then one day it was not feeding my soul any longer and I slowed my roll. I became monogamish you could say. I let go of all the old lovers and play friends, the adventure sex, etc. but I kept up the talk, the workshops on it and the energy covered me still.

 

Fast forward…

I changed relationships and got into a deeply heart centered, soul aligned relationship with a man that I was deeply drawn to with every fiber of my being, and where that left me was wanting nothing but him. I no longer craved the outside adventures. I only wanted our sex, our union and without reservation or hesitation my whole being flipped to hard core monogamous. To the point that I would be deeply hurt at this moment if it was even suggested to change.

 

That is where I am, currently.

 

Now, the outside world still has not caught up to where I am.

I am still being made offers from old lovers to come play.

I am still being made offers by friends and acquaintances to come swing.

I am still being made offers for three-somes.

I am still being hit on and the assumption from friends, family and the outside world is that I am not in a committed monogamous relationship.

 

And even though my life is vastly different.

And my desire is what it is.

The world is having trouble seeing me as such.

 

Now I can say tough sh*t to how the world sees me, it does not matter. I know where I am. That is all that matters. Stay aligned to self and all will work out.

 

But here is the thing, in order to heal this and to stay aligned to self I must address how I am showing up in the world and with the people I relate to.

 

Over the course of the last half a year almost I have been working advertently on perception.

 

I have had to get very authentic with myself and willing to call bullsh*t on myself as to where I have been remaining blind to my old patterns and habits and how these old patterns and habits have me showing up that is causing part of the perception issue that is at hand in my life.

 

If I just turn my back to these perceptions I will end up creating chaos, frustration  and suffering as well as unalignment to self because without taking responsibility for my part in the perception I will continue to do the things that are supporting it and this will in turn not make me happy.

 

When our outside world perceives us in a way that we do not like over the course of time we will have doubt, pain and bitterness manifest within ourselves. These low frequency emotions keep us out of alignment to soul unless we recognize them for what they are.

 

Addressing our responsibility and setting appropriate personal boundaries with self and our world is what must happen in order to create a new perception over the course of time.

 

Much like anything it does take time to change perception.

It takes time to show that we have changed, transformed and our outside world follows our inner world.

 

But if we simply continue to act and say that others perceptions have no effect on our reality, then we are choosing to remain blind to our part in the co-manifestation of our lives and we create a victim mindset toward how life is showing up for us.

 

Owning our part and acting on new patterns gives us power.

 

So if you find yourself in a perception battle,

and you question how someone,

or how the world around you sees you as something that you are not.

Know that you are responsible for those perceptions,

and responsible for changing them as well if they do not serve your greatest happiness.

if the relationships that bring them to you,

mean nothing,

then walk away and start afresh.

If the relationships are ones you desire to heal and keep,

then know that it will take time,

and only your actions and how you choose to reveal yourself and show up will create the perception and truth that you want for.

 

As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

Participation in Life is an Accomplishment.

SOMETIMES I JUST NEED AN ADULT PARTICIPATION AWARD…

 

Can you relate?

Do you sometimes just wish that someone would say,

“Hey I see ya doing all that adulting stuff over there, good job!”

 

Sometimes do you just wish that someone would acknowledge your pain and struggle with you? Or say hey, life is not fair.

 

Do you wish that your partner or friend would just recognize that you are off a bit, read your mind, or just pat you on the head per se?

 

Acknowledgement.

We all want it.

We need it to a degree.

Or so we are raised these days to believe.

 

We live in a society of adults that were raised with their mama’s praising them for everything, running to their side every time they got a bang on the knee, not allowing them to feel the pain, move through it, problem solve it and “grow a pair” of their own.

 

We live in a world today where we don’t have winners and losers.

We have a good job for showing the f-ck uppers!

 

Participation in life is an accomplishment it seems.

And because of this piss poor upbringing we believe that we are entitled to life handing us something without us having to do the actual work for it. 

Or feel the pain in the gain to achieve it.

Or to build the muscles to have the strength to succeed in anything.

 

We have a society of adults who are overgrown infants wanting to suckle at the bottle of life everytime they don’t get the recognition that they “believe” is theirs.

 

And this leads to tons of issues.

 

This weekend I read an article on just this and as I sat there with my youngest children who are both boys, screaming and fighting with each other, running onto the play set yelling back at me,

“Mom, mom…. look at me… aren’t you proud of me climbing up the stairs, sliding down the slide, being this high up…”

 

Wanting recognition for participating in being alive, in being a child.

I wondered how many parents out there would say,

“Good job honey, I am so proud of you. You are such a big kid.”

 

Pat.

Pat.

Pat.

 

The majority would, right?

Maybe you would even.

 

I did not.

 

I glanced at them, smiled slightly and made eye contact.

That’s all they got from me.

 

They had nothing to get a big pat on the head for,

and the last thing I want to raise are adults that believe that this world owes them something, that their happiness and centeredness or feeling of being lovable or worthy of blessings should ever come from an outside source of being acknowledged and patted on the ego.

 

Now you may very well differ and that is great if you do.

Maybe you believe that constant acknowledgement and recognition, false awards and making sure that no one’s feelings get hurt or that no one whacks another a little around in a good tossel or a race is the way that life’s supposed to work.

But I ask you this…

 

where else in life does this happen?

If you look at any other living creature out there on this planet of ours, where does life baby you? where does it pat you on the head and give you a participation award, go light on you because you are struggling or have gone through whatever sh*t?

 

The answer is no where.

 

Now you might say, well Kendal we are not wild animals.

We are advanced with intellect and we live in a civilized society.

 

For the most part yes.

But it’s a weak society.

A society that allows its liberties and freedoms to be stripped from it because everyone is running scared.

Because no one knows how to put in the elbow grease or take a MF hit on the field of life.

 

Our society takes offense to EVERYTHING.

 

You are damned no matter what in today’s world.

If you don’t say it politically correct on whatever given day it is then F-ck! You are ruined for life.

If you don’t make sure that you are always taking care of everyone else’s feelings and thoughts, views and attitudes well then you are horrible and self-centered.

Uncaring.

Not kind.

 

Have boundaries just not with him, her, her, or him.

Take care of yourself unless it interferes with you taking care of me.

Live your truth unless I don’t like it.

You are powerful unless I deem others because you are not doing life the way I think you should.

 

And oh yeah, pat me on the MF head for being the best friend, the best husband or wife, the best lover, the best… the best….

 

You know that you could not do life without me.

So tell me so, damn it!

 

P-A-T M-E O-N T-H-E H-E-A-D!

 

Tell me that for showing up this morning, breathing and just being here that I am good. 

That I you owe me.

That you see me.

 

Recognize me.

 

Well folks….

That’s not reality.

Life supports the strong.

Life supports the bold.

Life supports those who support themselves.

Life supports the ones who don’t need the recognition and can just put their heads down and do the damn thing they need to do because they know that they need to do it, because that damn thing, is the damn thing that scares the sh*t out of them and their soul is pushing them to do, no matter anyone else.

Especially all those participation award folks.

 

 

And when you gain recognition and awards by just doing the damn thing, guess what?

 

You sure AF don’t hand over accolaids to others who just showed up on the MF sidelines of life that day.

 

Demanding that they have a right to your time, your money, your love, your space, or your energy in any fashion.

 

There is a BIG difference between recognition and love I want to add. That is there is a big difference between authentic love and recognition.

 

And a major issue with this participation award society outside of training us that we are owed a win when we have not earned it, or we are safe in the face of danger because someone has always saved us, or that we always will have someone running to our side to pick up the pieces and kiss our boo-boo’s when a true adult sucks it up and know that they have to hold themselves in all ways the majority of the time and that it is no one else’s responsibility to save us, make us happy or feel safe.

 

But on top of all of this vitally important life success training that is NOT happening, and the lack of character building that our society is struggling with or ability to KNOW WTF we are as individuals in any area of life without someone else leading us first and telling us that it’s okay, we have a society believing that recognition is a sign of love.

 

That applauds equal love.

 

So far from the truth we have fallen.

This is why so many people are lost and will fall for false love, end up being used and abused, and trying to constantly be something for someone else that they are not.

This is why so many are out of soul alignment.

They misjudge what true love is and they do not know themselves.

They are blocked from their core.

From their strength.

 

 

I ask you, how important is it that you get the pat on the head?

Do you believe that recognition and constant approval and noticing of the fact that you exist is actual love?

 

Do you find your strength here?

Or can you feel your weakness?

 

Time to wake the f-ck up my love.

You are worthy.

You are lovable.

You are valuable.

You are beautiful.

 

Recognize these facts in your core.

Stop needing the false approval of this world.

 

You must choose if you are a sheep or if you are a lion.

 

Life favors one,

the other is blinded by the wool it chooses to hide behind.

 

As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

kendalwilliams.com

FAR FROM F-CKING PERFECT…

FAR FROM F-CKING PERFECT.

That’s what I am.
And no matter where one goes,
There one still is.

That’s the life lesson we all need to learn.
Funny how we want to hide and mask who we are. We want to put under cover our imperfections or ride on the coat tails of those things that truly don’t make us who we are.
We want to flaunt our genius and our trauma.
In hopes that others will think grander of what we have overcome, when in truth the most powerful soul aligned and beautiful thing we can ever do is surrender to our perfectly imperfect humanness.

That surrender is shown with our ability to laugh and let go of all our needs of acting like we got it all goin’ on and perfect.
As though we have no troubles,
We have no doubts.
We have life figured out.
As though we know ourselves when the last thing we ever reveal is truth in who we are.

The soul that let’s the ego stand embarrassed is a soul on fire with self-love.

If you are anything like me,
You may find yourself looking in the mirror,
Judging yourself.
Your body.
Your finances.
Your life choices.
You may make excuses and call bullsh*t on yourself all in the same moment.

You may sit with your lover and wonder what they see in you.
Why are they still hanging out?
And in the same feel ever so grateful for the unconditional deep love they bring you into.

You may find yourself not wanting to mess up in life.
You may be super self critical and know that there is so much more that you could be and should be doing, hoping that no one discovers just how human you really are.

How far from f-cking perfect you actually reside.

Oh but baby,
You know what is beautiful beyond measure?
You know what show’s courage and strength like no other?

Taking the mask down.
Allowing yourself to see all those imperfections and loving yourself all the more.
Letting joy and play bless your life,
Knowing that when you truly connect,
Armour down with those you love,
That this is soul alignment.

That feeling.
That feeling of beauty that washes through you.
That feeling of happiness that shows itself upon your face.
That feeling of love that fills your heart.
That is truly who you are,
When you stand revealed in authenticity.

That is your soul aligned.
That is your truth.

And when you hide and run from what you deem imperfections, flaws and weakness you hide from YOU.
You hide from your strength.
Your Love.
And you stand in armour before those you love.

So go now,
Look in the mirror of self-criticism and hatred,
Smile into those beautiful eyes of yours,
Run your hands across that body in gratitude for the temple that it is and all that it allows you to experience.
Stand there and speak up your life.
Speak up your heart.
Speak up your truth,
And laugh at all those human imperfections.

You are beautiful beyond measure.

In love from my f-cking imperfect temple to yours,
Remember,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers “

WOMAN YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.

AS THE SAYING GOES… EVERY BODY IS BEAUTIFUL.

 

Some days however this forty-four year mama of seven has a tough f-cking time loving the skin I am in.

 

Some days all I can see are the stretch marks,

that my breasts are not as perky as I wish they were.

 

All I see are the few extra pounds,

the “love handles” that I do not love.

The jiggle and the wiggle of what I want to be lean and firm.

 

All I see is how imperfect this skin is.

And here I AM…

In it.

Each day is a challenge to balance body well-being, work and motherhood.

Add in my desire to connect daily with my man and I find it often extremely difficult to stay focused on the practices that I know help me to love the skin that I am in and see my inner radiance and my sexyiness as a woman who has given life multiple times over.

 

Yesterday I felt GORGEOUS.

Today I struggle.

 

My children yelp for my attention.

They fight and bicker as siblings do.

I look about this house of mine with all the chores that need completed. My list grows ever longer with work items, clients that need attention, friends that need support, taxes that need finished, and laundry… there is always laundry and dishes.

Today I see nothing but the drudgery of this day.

Trapped here in this body that as I pass a mirror I am frustrated with.

The scale never says what I want.

The skinny jeans that I am holding on to with hope of fitting in once again are collecting dust as they nag me from my closet shelf.

 

I pass by a mirror,

check myself out,

and huff.

 

That is today.

 

Yesterday, I was lean, strong, turned on and felt full of desire for life.

For my man.

For our future together.

I was a rapture of juiciness and love.

I stretched my body out in the clean white sheets of our bed,

feeling each muscle move and open.

I arched my back and opened my chest to the heavens and drew my man in to kiss on it.

I felt yummy.

I felt beautiful.

I wanted to be in my skin.

And with that love and want my day was smooth and peaceful, passionate and fulfilling.

I felt no hast.

No stress.

Only good vibes.

 

That was yesterday.

 

I am all of this, all the time.

As each woman is.

 

Our bodies and how we feel in them from waking to falling back asleep again has a radical impact on our life views and the energy that we put out into this world.

 

When we women feel yummy and juicy in our bodies.

When we are turned on to life, to our partners and to ourselves,

our worlds are juicy and supportive of our natural creative abilities.

Our view on life is expansive and we are strong in whom we are.

When we love the skin that we are in.

We are powerful.

 

EVERY BODY IS BEAUTIFUL.

 

And this is very true.

Our tiger stripes of pride,

our crows feet of laughter and wisdom.

Every grey hair and random hormone one that pops up where hair should never be.

 

We wrestle with our ego’s.

We fear that we are not desirable.

Not lovable,

if we are not what we deem perfect.

See the world appreciating on social media, magazines and TV.

 

Big booties.

Small booties.

Big breasts.

Small breasts.

Real or fake.

 

Depending on what season we are in,

we are told what our beauty standards should be and how we should aim to meet them.

 

To be beautiful is to be young?

To be beautiful is to be slim?

To be muscular?

Blonde?

 

TO BE BEAUTIFUL IN TRUTH IS A FEELING.

 

It is nothing that our bodies will ever look like.

Never measure up to.

It is not a weight on a scale.

It is not to mimic our favorite celebrity or model.

 

It is a feeling.

And no one on this planet can make us feel that way permanently.

 

Ladies,

when our men look at us with love and adoration,

with hunger,

Do you truly believe that they see all our flaws?

Do you believe that they care that your makeup is not perfect?

Your hair needs attention?

That you are not revealing your most perfect pose,

(you know that one that you practice for selfies).

 

No.

They see your beauty.

And not just your inner beauty.

They stand in awe at the goddess that they have in their life.

They are in love and desire for how our glance makes them feel.

They love watching us move.

Even the wiggle and the jiggle.

They love those little laugh lines they helped put upon your beautiful face.

They love the strength of your body.

How they can get lost in our touch.

 

And that feeling of beauty that they give to us…

That is our true radiance.

They are helping us to access WHO WE REALLY ARE.

They make it easy to be in alignment with our SOUL.

With our true beauty.

Because they don’t see our fear of imperfection.

 

They know our truth.

 

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.

YOUR BODY IS BEAUTIFUL.

Love the skin you’re in.

And be compassionate to your heart, mind and body the days you do not.

 

WOMAN YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.

 

As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Calling all you BadA*s Mama’s Out There who want to love your body and feel empowered.

Reach out to me for a private 1:1 consultation to feel empowered in your skin EVERYDAY.

STOP WORKING THROUGH YOUR SH*T – IT’S JUST AN EXCUSE TO BE YOU.

A spiritual path is not meant to “fix” who you are but instead to “reveal” who you are.

 

So stop your MF processing around the path.

How much do you have stop and stare at the rocks, the weeds, the trampled flowers, the horse sh*t that was dropped and anything else that you deem to not be pleasant and an imperfection to your path?

 

Granted I am not telling you to disregard your sh*t.

That would not be good for sure,

and we can easily look out into the world of the energetically blind and deaf who do just this ALL THE TIME, and see what A-holes they are,

but what I am wanting to bring your awareness too is that perhaps you are actually using your “processing” of your sh*t as an excuse to not move forward.

As a reason a.k.a excuse/blame of the outside world and past events/people so that you can lean out of your power right now and just sit in your victim status.

 

Maybe, just maybe you are thinking that all is forgiven in your “working through it” and that because you are oh so responsible and aware of your sh*t that the world should just bow to you and be okay with you NOT GETTING THROUGH YOUR SH*T…

 

Because you have been working’ it.

You have been doing the damn THING that you know you need to do,

it is not your fault that it’s just not seeming to get through to the core.

 

Well, I get all that.

 

Virgo here!

Processor here!

Hyper-Critical of self for sure here!

Analyzer and Overly responsible for self and the world here!

 

Yeppers, those are all me.

And they are always me even when I write up musings like this one handing you your sh*t back.

I write this because I feel responsible,

I want to help,

I am speaking to myself as well,

and I get the “awoken mindset” of processing is key to growth and transformation.

 

After all, you cannot change the things that you are not aware of, right?

 

Right.

 

So now that you are aware of your sh*t,

and if you are a relatively intelligent person,

or at least can get some basic common sense,

then WTF makes you believe that by standing in the epicenter of your sh*t and focusing on it, digging through it, and smelling it much longer is going to ever clear the path and make you perfect?

 

Let’s just ask,

“Do you honestly believe that the path or you were ever intended on being perfect according to our idea of perfection?”

 

Would you ever learn a damn thing if the path was perfect?

Would you really be happy if you believed yourself to be perfect?

Would you really want a relationship with a said “perfect” person?

 

Life is about clarifying who we are.

Life is about growth and expansion, and growth and expansion ONLY occurs when we can learn, gain knowledge and insight, have experiences, and gain wisdom.

 

Wisdom among other things comes from mistakes.

A.k.a learning.

 

Or you could also say CONTRAST.

 

Contrast is another way of looking at the life that we are manifesting and the life that we desire to manifest.

What we perceive as good and bad.

 

And we cannot have, nor even truly know what we want if we do not ever experience what we do not want at some level. When we experience these spaces of growth and learning in the contrast of life it makes us want for something better and it sets us to a grander vision for who we are.

 

Expanding us.

 

That expansion creates room for us to manifest in what we learned that we wanted from the contrast that was provided.

And we easily manifest it when we RELAX into the knowing that it is ours when we sooth ourselves back into a feel good place in our hearts and thoughts.

 

Now let me ask you this…

 

How does processing make you feel?

Does it excite you?

Is processing and over analyzing your every pile of sh*t soothing to your soul? your thoughts and feelings?

 

Or have you discovered that all the processing out is actually just causing you stress because NOW you really see where you have been f-cking up and the more you focus on your f-ck ups, the more insecure you are feeling in who you are, your path and your choices?

 

I am betting it is the latter here. (Just sayin’)

 

So what are you to do if you don’t want to keep repeating some sh*t on your path,

but you now sorta realize that your hyper focus to your sh*t is causing you to remain in your sh*t and even creating a neediness and lack of personal responsibility that is in turn making you out of integrity with WHO YOU REALLY ARE?

 

Are you ready for it?

 

Here is my big answer for ya.

Stop trying to be like someone else.

Stop trying to get it all right.

Stop fearing who you are and JUST DO YOU.

Be YOU.

 

You have got to accept and love you in all your sh*t,

or you will run around this life with everyone avoiding you because YOU ARE AVOIDING YOU.

 

If you are looking to the outside world to give you direction as to who you are then that is the sh*t pile you need to turn and walk away from right now.

 

Find your soothing thoughts.

Appreciate the contrast of your life.

Follow what feels legitimately good to your soul,

and stop acting out of fear of losing people or things.

 

It has you over processing you.

 

And that,

that will get you into a pile of pity, victim sh*t like no other.

 

So JUST STOP.

 

SAY IT WITH ME….

 

MY OVER PROCESSING AND SELF-CRITICISM IS KEEPING ME OUT OF PERSONAL INTEGRITY AND SOUL ALIGNMENT.

 

LET THAT SH*T GO.

 

As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Ready to be unavailable for bullsh*t?

Yours and others?

 

Reach out to me now for the April start of a powerful transformative 8-week 1:1 intensive where we will learn just how to do this.