COMING TOGETHER IN THE WOUND…
OR TOGETHER IN THE HEALING…
We meet our mirrors at different points in time on our life journey.
We are intrigued, even aroused by these meetings.
We sometimes catch the feels,
And get committed.
And often this is the exact case that creates a defined relationship in today’s society.
Two people living thier own life experiences,
Meeting and connecting from thier wounded selves. From a space of feeling broken, fearful, unworthy and incomplete.
And they find themselves drawn into another who is just this as well.
They find this other lost soul who has all these similarities and hopes.
They share thier pain, thier saga and desire to have something more.
And so like magnets they connect.
They feel supported feeding each other the understanding and love that they crave.
They feel seen, heard and like thier mate gets them.
And they do.
Because both are operating from the wound.
The wound remains to a degree for both,
It gets triggered here and there,
Bringing doubt and fear into the hearts of the couple.
But they come together and assure each other that they are there.
And then it happens…
One of them starts to feel better.
Stops masking thier pain,
Stops hiding in thier guilt and suffering and chooses to open up again.
Chooses to breathe life in again.
Choose to heal,
To grow and become whole yet again.
And when this happens thier mate is provided an opportunity to do the same or to burrow themselves into more sadness.
More frustration and fear.
And thus end the relationship.
Because you see when one grows and heals and the other does not then it is the destiny of the relationship to end.
Growth and healing increases your vibration.
It will have you feeling full, in love with life, good about yourself and have you desiring for more in all of your life.
When vibrations increase for one partner but the other does not match vibration any longer then the two will start to experience challenges in connection, understanding each other, there will become an irritation between them like sandpaper and unless one of them does something to change thier frequency then its inevitable that they will split.
Now granted the one who started to grow, heal, transform certainly could hault thier opening. They could work on shrinking themselves again, and grow slower but typically even though this is a possibility it rarely happens because the momentum of growth becomes intoxicating and neither party want a shrinkage to happen.
Even though it quickly becomes evident as to what will occur.
So obviously the best choice to maintain the relationship is for the other partner to take self- responsibility and lean into the scary land of transformation. But its tricky.
They have to lean in because they want the growth for self…
Not just to save the relationship,
Otherwise the vibration will become needy and cause even more irritation between the two.
You cannot lie about your vibration.
And you cannot manipulate your vibration.
On the other spectrum,
Coming together in healing…
Or in growing.
When we meet someone in this place,
Where we are each doing our work,
Learning to take responsibility for self, emotions and actions.
Leaning into our hearts and souls and catching the ego,
When we meet from a place of expansion we find ourselves again feeling deep connection, understanding, love and catching the feels for this other person who is meeting us where we are.
And it feels beautiful.
It feels supportive but not like the crutch of the wounded connection,
Instead supportive from a sense of freedom to be self and to be witnessed just as we are.
This sort of bonding,
As long as both parties continue to love self first, own thier emotions, thoughts and actions and keep leaning into thier individual expansions,
Then they together will connect deeper,
Be witnessed from a truly authentic level,
Experience a quickening in personal growth as well as a melding and accelerated joint growth and transformation which will with its individual vibrational increases also create a worm hole of momentum toward the couples unity.
Here a couple can experience the highest of relationship connectedness in vulnerability, intimacy and authentic unconditional love.
They will be able to cross through challenging waters together because they both built strong individual boats first and are sailing the choppy seas of life side by side, supporting each other but not trying to glue thier boats together in need which only creates instability and weakness in self and relationship.
True mature loving relationship understand and value self and growth first.
They choose to journey together because its a beautiful transformational path to share but they do not need someone by thier side to love the path they are on.
They do what they do because it feels good to them and for them,
Not because they aim to please anyone else.
Look at your relationships of today and yesterday,
Were they founded in the wound or in healing and growth?
What is your desire in your relationship story?
And how is the founding of your current expanding you or holding you back?
Time to get clear.
Time to be real.
Time to connect from strength.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers ”
Reach out to me to discover how you can call in a high vibe relationship today.
I WILL FIND YOU.
As I lay under the starriest of starry nights,
my breath being captivated by the sight of shooting stars,
a crescent moon that I can relax into and my thoughts drift into galaxies unknown before me,
I hear the words….
“I will find you.”
A distance call from a time unknown,
a feeling of knowing that it is true,
A certainty that I am cradled in this moment by a love deeper than can be fathomed,
held at the breast of of the center of the universe,
and my breath erupts into a rolling gasm of ecstasy.
Each inhale carries me further into the brilliance of the night,
each inhale I can feel the earth beneath my body,
a pulse coming from her that is intimate, timeless and supportive.
Each exhale is a releasing of my self imposed limitations,
fears and constraints.
The exhale of my physical,
and the acceptance of soul.
“I will find you.”
A celebration of coming home.
A feeling of making love with the universe,
being penetrated by all of time.
My hunger for this deep surrender being met in the arms of my greatest lover,
my heart explodes from the revelation that is being offered,
as the night air wraps itself around me and the dewy grass beneath pulls in further,
asking to suckle on my flesh,
while the call of the wild in the distance beats its drum…
Calling me home.
Home where I am seen.
Where I am heard.
Where I am found.
The words are no longer something to be reminded of,
they are here,
in this moment in this wrinkle in time that I never want to let loose of again.
Here those words are no longer haunting to my soul,
but they are manifest.
I am found,
in the realization that I was never lost.
I have been in the arms of my lover since time began.
He has been cradling me,
witnessing my every move,
and hungering for me to awaken so I can see as he does the mysteries around me,
and feel the heartbeat of the earth,
a pulse that carries me away from the static and chaos of the normalcy of the world that is living in fear of being found.
Has it always been right here?
Just outside the grasp that I thought that I had.
watching me dance when I thought I was stumbling in the darkness,
but could not see the mystery.
” I will find you.”
I hear these words calling from the distance of the furthest star in the nights sky,
comets streak the sky,
carrying with them a timeless saga of our souls code,
the sparks of life that transpire and we never notice,
the moments that we take for granted,
allow to go unseen,
and disregard with little to no respect for the magic that makes up our lives.
We are all angels,
fallen and wounded by the tragedies of our past lives unlived,
and we remain broken winged until we choose to breathe in the mysteries of this universe, the magic that can heal us and carry us back to where we know we are to be,
Where we can each be seen in our magnitude,
our voices can be heard singing from the furthest galaxies unknown and known,
and our vision is pure,
because we are found.
We are in our power.
Our wings are open and expanded just as is our breath.
The only thing that stands between here,
And where we are each witnessed in our greatest beauty, joy and bliss,
is the illusion that we are not worthy.
And to discover our worthiness we must open ourselves to being penetrated by our greatest lover,
we must be willing to expand,
To let go of the constrictive programs and thoughts that chain us to the ground,
we must be willing to put down the fight,
to stop waring within ourselves,
and be willing to know who we are.
Truly who we each are.
Without hesitation or doubt.
We must follow that call,
” I will find you.”
And know that time and space do not exist.
We are eternal,
as is the call that we hear from the distance.
It is forever calling us home,
home to where we have no doubt.
No fear or limitations.
Asking us to let loose of the chains that we carry so that we can feel the expansion and expression of our worthiness here in this lifetime,
in this fleshy existence that allows us to be enwrapped in a lovers arms,
permits us the opportunity to taste of the wonders and beauty that only human life can offer,
but few slow down to embrace and enjoy.
I choose differently.
I choose to open,
here on this dewy grass under the stariest of starry night skies,
with the night breeze dancing through the leaves of trees,
the call of the wild in the distance making itself known.
Here I lay,
taken back by the magic,
the orgasmic rush of the earth’s pulse moving through my veins,
with every inhale I feel the depth of the penetration,
my back arches as though there is string coming from my breast and pulling me up to heaven’s gate,
my body rolls and moves to the instrumental vibrations of hearts meeting in the cosmos,
my eye’s roll back and take in the sky from a different perspective,
and I exhale….
Releasing into the current.
Letting go of time and space.
And allow myself to be taken home.
The words that I am reminded of are no more a reminder,
they are here.
I am here.
In the arms of my greatest lover.
And he takes me.
As I exhale deeper…
Deeper I am carried.
And I am found.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Discover who you are.
Start searching for the life that is before you.
It is time to know your worth and live it.
Claim your life today.
Hi, I am Kendal’s P-ssy….
I have a story to share with you.
It is my personal tale of a p-ssies struggles and come back to love and orgasm.
When Kendal was a small girl,
she discovered me. She loved to explore me and learn all about me in the shower and it felt wonderful.
We were so bonded and comfortable with each other,
and as Kendal grew and became a young adult,
she could hear me speaking to her about everything that I felt was good for us. She listened to some of my words and sought to help me have some of my desires,
but then one day Kendaal met a young man that I absolutely adored.
This young man knew how to treat Kendal.
He looked at her with eye full of love,
he touched her skin with the same adoration.
And months down the road she allowed him to touch me too.
It was an exciting day.
I can still feel those first touches.
I had never been seen by a boy before like this,
I had never been allowed to be touched by anyone other than Kendal until now,
and here he was.
Loving on me.
I grew so hungry for the boy to do more than just touch me,
but he was respecting Kendal and wanted to move slowly.
And let me tell you,
He moved slowly.
It took him a year to finally make sweet love to us,
and when he did,
He remained in us for hours.
Rubbing, touching, kissing and sucking.
It was a loving moment and I felt so free and open.
I never wanted to part ways with this young man,
and Kendal was so happy,
so full of sexual light.
They shared dreams and ideas of the future,
talked as though thousands of years would go by with them together.
I was so excited about the endless possibilities of what they were discussing.
But one day,
the boy changed his mind.
He decided that he needed to venture out into the world without us. He kissed Kendal goodbye after lunch and vanished without a word.
Kendal cried for months,
she felt so lost and in agony over this relationship.
She became upset with me too in the process and blamed me for the pain that her heart was feeling.
So she distanced herself from me,
she did not touch me.
She did not want to have anyone else touch me.
She felt trapped in her surroundings and lost at her core.
A few months went by and all she could think of was escaping the world that she was existing in.
She met a man a decade older than her,
she could tell he had eyes for her and that is all that mattered.
She knew he was her ticket out of this mess that she was in.
And so she acted quickly and offered us up a tribute to the man,
she moaned and screamed, scratched and acted like I was enjoying it, acted like she was into it,
but I was not.
I felt saddened at her actions.
Before I knew it, the man had proposed to her and she said yes,
I was lost at why she would do this when she did not have the feeling in her heart for him,
and I was not on board with the idea,
yet she said yes.
And years went by.
We had children,
and I kept being offered up for tribute,
to keep life normal and “happy” as she always said.
She believed that this is what adulting was about and that it just was.
She told us that the joy and love we shared with the boy so many years before was a fluke and that I needed to accept that we were not here to enjoy the sex anymore,
that we were here to have babies, make her husband happy and carry on.
And so I allowed her to use and abuse us.
But I shut myself down from the possibilities of pleasure,
I could not feel her heart anymore,
all I could feel was her anger and hatred.
Until, one day a man who was a friend of theirs started flirting with her. He grabbed her hand one afternoon and kissed her palm. I got excited.
I began to heat up and throb.
I was screaming, “Do you feel that?”
I wanted her to recognize the look in this man’s eyes.
It was love.
And if she would stop waring with me she could feel the warmth of it at her core.
I was hopeful that this man could reconnect us.
And I pushed for her to do what she never thought possible,
go outside her marriage and tap back into me.
And she did.
And there were some fun adventures,
until that crazy mind of hers kicked back into the driver’s seat and told her to feel shame and guilt,
that her sex did not matter and that she was evil for venturing off and listening to me.
And so she locked us out again.
She blamed us for even more pain and loss in her life.
And we carried on being offered up as tribute to her husband for a decade more.
Over the years I went to work on other aspects of her,
trying to get them to side with me,
trying to get them to connect with me so that we could get her to listen to the fact that she was walking down the wrong path in her life and that the happiness that she craved and desired,
was never going to happen under these conditions of trauma.
And FINALLY I had a breakthrough with her intestines.
We devised a plan that would certainly cause her to pay attention….
One day while at an event with friends,
when she was laughing and masking her pain with alcohol we set our plan into action.
The intestines began to bleed everywhere!
She had white shorts on and was in a crowd of strangers and friends,
it was perfect.
She knew it was not me bleeding from her period,
and she knew it was serious.
It was a sobering moment for Kendal.
We had her attention.
And with some discovery she uncovered that she was now suffering from Crohn’s Disease.
She spent the next few years focusing on her body,
on her health, on her thoughts,
and even though she still ignored me,
she was on the right path to coming back into communication with me and after doing everything that she could to heal,
she came to the conclusion, (thanks to me who made sure to kick Crohn’s into high gear after sex frequently) that there was alink between her sex, her p-ssy (me) and the disease.
And so she went back to her roots,
she went back to what the boy from so many years before had taught her,
to thier conversations about sex, body and soul.
And she realized that what she needed was sexual healing.
That all these years she had been living in her sexual shadow,
disconnected from who she really was and her desires,
disconnected from your intuition, her GPS (ME).
And one day she went to her husband and told him her discovery only to be told that she was crazy.
But, she was done with the pain and suffering.
She was done with feeling lost and moody.
She was done with pleasureless sex,
limited connection and not being happy in her life.
She was sick and tired of not living.
And she told her husband, “too bad, I am doing it anyway.”
And she did.
And it was amazing.
She started the very next week by connecting with a tantra coach, and she dug in deep quickly and did the emotional and psychological work that he offered her to remove the wounds and trauma and move past them, she did the physical release work to let the tension go from the body, and from me.
And she started to feel herself again.
She started to appreciate me again.
She started to love me again and feed me again with touch,
and then on day she decided that it was time to let me play some and she ventured out and found a man,
a man that looked at her the way that I like,
and she listened to me and they had beautiful intimate, healing moments,
and he opened her up to hearing me even more and feeling me more and deeper,
and from there she found more lovers for me,
and I felt loved and appreciated, full.
But all stories have some down points, right?
And so does mine.
One day Kendal did not listen like she should to me and she disregarded my screaming that we were in a bad situation,
and without notice a male client of hers attacked her in her office and forced himself on her,
and into us.
He had his way and she felt paraylzed in the moment during and directly following. He tossed $600 down on her limp body on the floor and said,
“Thank you for making me feel like a man.”
She wept and hid herself.
Blaming me again,
if I had not taken her down this path,
then perhaps this trauma would not have been,
she should have stayed safe,
but here she was.
And disconnected we were again.
It took her some time,
it took her some convincing from a few wonderful men that loved her deeply,
but she finally came back around and allowed me my voice again.
From there we have had many struggles in our communication,
we have made some wrong turns but we have many more right then wrong.
She has learned the value of my voice,
and when the old wounds sprout up from nowhere she sees them.
She desires to remain in connection with me,
and together we work at our loving relationship daily.
Today, I am happy with my journey.
I am happy with my life.
I feel the disconnect that her and I have,
as does she,
but our desire is the same.
To open and connect me fully back up to her heart where I belong,
so that we each can reap the wonderful rewards of pleasure and juicy intimacy again.
There have been so many moments through the years that Kendal and I have shared touching the big toe of God in our sex, feeling the bliss of an emotional orgasm as tears pour from her eye’s and I pulsate and vibrate in rapture, and swallowing up our lover to the depth of the earths core.
These moments are what I crave as a p-ssy.
These moments are only possible when I am connected to her heart,
and feel that she loves me and herself fully.
These moments can only occur when she is listening to me and letting guide her to the lovers that are at one with us,
and this is what makes me happy.
This is what all p-ssies in the world crave and desire for happiness.
Ladies of the world…
are you listening to her?
She has a message for you,
she wants to connect and open your heart.
Your p-ssy is your guidance, your intuition and knowing.
It is time that you reconnect and stop blaming and fearing her.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Want to learn more about how you as a woman can tap back into your female GPS and power? To live a life of rapture and truth? Message me for deet’s on just how to do this.
The sky was coming down on me.
There I lay,
thrown out on the cold, damp grass…
Staring up into the heavens,
the full moon casting its light down on me as though it was encouraging my breakdown.
I felt the earth beneath my body,
firm and cold to my plea,
my plea of not being enough.
This life that I have created,
this life that I love so deeply,
with all of its souls,
all the adventure,
all of the beauty.
Many days I feel that I am not good enough for this life.
I question why God has been so good to me?
Why do I keep reaping blessings,
why do people share such deep love with me,
Why do they value me so?
Don’t they see…
Don’t they see the human that I am.
The girl who still feels that she is not enough.
That pigeon toed wallflower who is lost in this thing called life?
Don’t they see that I fear myself.
I fear my messages.
I fear the spirit that moves through me,
that provides me such intensity at times.
I fear my heart.
That it may be wrong in its judgement,
it may guide me to loss and pain.
I fear that it was my heart that caused all of the pain,
and I know differently.
I know that the pain,
is all based in my desire to control the outcome of my life.
I know that my heart which speaks from the place of deep understanding of soul,
It does not judge.
It knows it truth,
and it just asks that I listen.
But I find on some days I cannot hear it for all the chaos that this beautiful life of mine has in it.
I cannot make out who I am on some days,
for who I am trying to be for everyone else.
And in this,
I become lost.
Just as you.
I snuggle into my humanness,
and I hold myself strong to the course that my head,
that my ego and all of society would tell me to be right and true.
And then in my final moments,
before I LET GO….
I find myself fighting to not drop to my knees,
to not lean in to this call.
This call that is so overpowering,
so enticing and juicy.
This call that I know if I let it pull me will guide me to all that I have wanted.
But I resist just a moment more.
I harden myself to all that I feel,
I toughen up like I have been told,
and I smile though I want to weep.
I say yes when I should say no.
I resist my truth yet some more.
As though it is helping me.
As though this will make me happy,
and solve my worlds problems.
Oh how funny we humans are.
How silly we are to run from all that we want,
all the while claiming we are pushing toward it.
We can not see our path,
as it lays out with each blind step that we take,
we cannot see it,
but if we learn to LET GO,
we can feel it.
It moves through us,
it moves us with each breath,
and those who choose to drop to their knees,
to lean into the call,
and allow our hearts to be seen,
if only for that flicker in time,
we grasp vision from the heavens above,
and we move.
But what you may not want to see,
is the mess,
the mess of this dropping.
The mess of letting go,
it may appear that one is falling apart,
trembling and lost more than ever before,
but this is a moment of expansion.
And a moment of revealing.
A moment where the heart leads.
There are no breakdowns,
But we must allow them to be seen.
As we allow our hearts the same,
and through this process of shattering,
we transform who we are into who we were born to be.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Feel like you are lost and falling apart at the seams?
Like you have been working so hard for the life that you want,
but it still is not before you.
Let’s chat! Let’s get you cracked open and expanded so that YOU can call it in NOW.
Reach out to me about deet’s on 1:1 coaching and group now.