MUST DO’S FOR SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP: ROUTINE, RITUAL & NON-NEGOTIABLE BOUNDARIES

🤣🤣😂I LOVE YOUR PUD IN MY PUTSCH! AND I LOVE WEDNESDAYS…🤨😂😅

 

Wednesdays are sacred for my man and I.

It’s the day that we both have committed to work from home.

We eat breakfast together, lunch and dinner.

We work from the same room.

We work in silence.

We do our meetings.

We look upon each other in appreciation.

We make love.

We f-ck!

We take walks.

We snuggle.

We laugh, we debate, we get real and vulnerable.

And above all else we CONNECT.

 

👊It’s our ROUTINE.

👊It’s our RITUAL.

👊It’s what we have set a non-negotiable BOUNDARY around.

 

🤯And it’s freaking critical to the success, happiness, intimacy, and connection of our relationship.

 

Maybe we should start calling them sexy Wedsnesdays, because we take hump day serious…lol

 

But not always.

Some Wednesdays we are so disconnected from the stresses of life, we look at each other as though we are on opposite sides of the Grand Canyon. But we still remain together, holding that space, providing an opportunity for our energies to reconnect.

 

Some Wednesdays, we are on sour terms between us.

Days of disconnect, disharmony in what we were wanting the other to know, understand, get about us.

Our requests have been formulated as criticism and fears, and we find ourselves on these Wednesdays going deeper into our wounds.

 

However, most Wednesdays are yummy.

🔥Juicy and hot.

🔥Tantalizing and fulfilling beyond measure.

🔥Our sex is reunited and fed to exhaustion.

🔥Our hearts are swelling in a sea of love, appreciation and acceptance.

🔥Our minds are united, we are aligned.

 

And it feels F-CKING AMAZING AND PERFECT!

 

You see the reality is and as I share with so many couples on the matter of relationship success, happiness and connection that routine, ritual and boundaries are mandatory.

 

Often we believe that a relationship should just happen, it should always be easy and effortless.

 

But a relationship like anything worthwhile in life requires our focus, attention and effort.

 

In order to have success (which does not mean longevity but satisfaction and happiness, which in turn will create longevity) you must be willing to develop sacred space.

 

You must make commitment, non-negotiable.

And our commitment to our partner must be a priority.

 

The issue is that more often than not in today’s relationships, we give our best to our work, our hobbies, our passions, our children.

And we bring our partner what’s leftover.

 

We say the cruelest of things to the one we love the most.

We blame, we finger point, we give our worst to our partner.

And we do this because we can get away with it.

No where else would it be accepted or allowed.

But this creates bitterness.

It feeds fear.

In a relationship, we end up criticizing our mates, seeing only what is wrong with them and what they are not doing for us and the relationship and it is based on the desire to have more of them.

 

👊WE DESIRE OUR PARTNERS BEST TOO!👊

 

We are afraid to ask for it and don’t know how.

But when we criticize THIS is what we are actually saying.

 

When we make everything else a priority, we put our hearts and our partners on the back burner.

 

We can have moments in life when we have to do this for sure.

Just like we can certainly have times when our worst self takes center stage with  our partner and we find ourselves acting out our worst fears and wounds.

In these times we create an opportunity for our partner to support us and see us as we see ourselves sometimes.

We build intimacy through our wounds and fears.

 

But if we allow these times to become routine,

we allow dis-harmony and dis-connection to become what our relationship is founded in.

 

👊All relationship has its rhythm. 👊

 

It’s always:

Harmony 🔥Dis-harmony😔Repair🧐

Connection 🔥 Dis-connection😔Repair🧐

 

You cannot have magic all the time!

You cannot be turned on all the time!

You will never feel aligned and connected all the time!

You will have pain and suffering.

You will have joy and triumph.

 

You MUST COMMIT to the repair portion.

 

This means that you make your priority relationship with your partner a priority.

 

👊👊Your commitment to the relationship and to finding happiness for “the entity of us” in the relationship making it a must be non-negotiable. 👊👊

 

This is the routine.

The ritual.

The boundary.

 

If you are wanting to feel aligned to your partner, to restore intimacy, connection and recapture the honeymoon phase, then find your Wednesday.

 

For my man and I, we have our daily morning routine of waking, snuggling, inquiring how we each slept, what our feelings at waking are while we enjoy coffee.

 

We reach out to each other all day long, just sharing here and there about what’s going on and inquiring how the other is doing.

 

We then faithfully come together each early evening for our “sipper” or glass of wine. We stop everything else. We kiss. We touch, We talk for an hour and we catch up with what’s happened in each other’s lives.

 

This is our daily routine.

 

Then we dedicate ourselves to Wednesdays.

 

And from this we move smoothly through the storms of life and relationships.

We still ebb and flow in our connection, but we never allow dis-connect to become the “entity of us.”

 

We desire each other more because of these rituals and routines.

We feel safer with each other and that we have each other’s backs because we have established a non-negotiable boundary around the “repair” which is based in our routines and rituals.

 

👊🧐🔥And for anyone reading this musing today,

I ask you to explore what you are doing to connect, to find harmony, to make the “entity of us,” the priority relationship that you once desired it to be?👊🧐🔥

 

Hopefully you have found something in my words here to help you.

Know that a relationship requires commitment.

It requires time, dedication, and focus.

If you are wanting for the yummy, juicy moments…

the magic…

Then you have to build the foundation for those moments.

That requires effort and desire.

 

That requires you to want to water the plant you want to grow. 🌹

 

As Always,

Stop Accepting Average and Ordinary in Your Love Life and Relationship.

 

If you want that Soulmate Relationship, that love that explodes your heart and connects you to the heavens, then let’s get you aligned today!

 

Reach out to me about deet’s for my new 💥💥Autumn Session of The Magic Minute! 💥💥

 

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

😂🤣And before you ask about the pud in my putch comment above, that was yesterday’s convo… humorous events happen on Wednesdays. I had no idea what pud meant ( I know hard to believe perhaps, and I used the word putsch when we were going to bed, ” You putsched your pillow in my face.”🤣 because his pillow hit me in the face while he was fluffing it…lol and we had to then look up the word because we were uncertain if it was a real word… it is! and it means p*ssy. So there is my title and intimacy  share with you dear reader. 😂😅

NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOUR “ACTIVE DESIRES” OR AFTER CARE! NOR SHOULD THEY…

 

👊💥👉NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOUR “ACTIVE DESIRES” OR AFTERCARE! NOR SHOULD THEY…🤯💥👊

 

Earlier in the week I wrote on leveling up your relationship by going monogamous, or why some people feel it is just this and I shared some commentary from an individual about her feelings on having her poly-based partner make this change. I also said there was a ton to her statement and I would need to write more on it.

 

👉THIS IS THE FOLLOW-UP.👈

 

First let’s refresh her words for you.

 

“Can anyone relate? Several love connections have recently decided to monogamously close their new relationships

We’ve stayed in touch, but there’s been no acknowledgment or curiosity of how this transition may affect the feelings of someone who still has active desires. While I believe everyone has the absolute freedom to decide what relationship structure they desire at the moment, I’m having emotions around the lack of attunement or transitional “aftercare”. 😔”

 

🔥🔥🔥WHAT ABOUT MY ACTIVE DESIRES?🔥🔥🔥

 

Why don’t you care about my desire?

Why do you pull away and not offer me an opportunity to fight for what I want in the outcome?

I still want this relationship/sex/friendship, etc?

 

(Insert three-year old tantrum here)😡😢😭😤

 

Okay folks, I am going to be brutally honest, real and raw here with my perspective on this. You may not enjoy what follows, just sayin’.

 

It does not  matter the relationship, you could be monogamous and dating or even married.

You could be poly or open relationship like the woman above and have your partner(s) move in a different direction.

You could just be friends with someone and have the relationship change/alter/end.

 

No matter the relationship, when one person says, “I am done moving in this direction like this and I am instead going to go this direction.” What they are saying is that they are 👉TAKING CARE OF THEMSELVES.👈

 

How self-centered and emotionally immature are you in this moment to say: (things I have been told in break ups, change ups, transition or heard from people I have coached)

 

😭How can you leave me now? It’s the eleventh hour and I really need you.

😭I don’t feel like you really care, you don’t even inquire about…

😭I have feelings too!

😭I don’t know what your boundaries are, they are always changing.

😭You tell me when we can go back to the way things were.

😭I think you are shrinking your world and will regret it.

😭But, but… I thought you needed me.

😭WHAT ABOUT ME???

 

What about you?🤨

 

This is a decision for me.  It’s about me.  My happiness. My peace of mind. My sanity. My life direction. My MF desire.

 

I am taking care of ME and you should follow my lead and take care of YOU.

 

All the above statements are based in a victim consciousness, the wounded, abandoned, fear driven inner child, NOT a mature emotional/mental or physical consciousness from a grown a*s adult who knows that they need to take care of themselves.

 

The worst thing that someone can do that is making a shift in any relationship and creating separation, space, etc is to come back in and comfort the one they are making relationship changes with.

 

This concept of “aftercare” from the person who is wanting separation and space from the other person will not do anything but cause more harm to both parties.

 

YOU HAVE STOP BEING SOMEONE’S CRACK HIT!🤯😳

 

It is first putting the person asking for space in a position of power over the others feelings as well as making them a victim to the other person, because now they have to manage their feelings all the more and THIS may be exactly why they were wanting out to begin with. Perhaps the one being “broken up” with, gave too much power to the other over their emotional state????

So why would it be healthy for aftercare here?

 

It’s not healthy!!!👈

 

NO ONE WINS.

 

Often, in a relationship we lose ourselves in another person.

We without realizing it develop a “need” for this other human being that is a form of co-dependency that is unhealthy, because without their active participation in our lives THE WAY WE WANT we no longer know who we are, what our direction is, nor have happiness.

 

There is healthy grieving that needs to happen in any transition of a relationship.

 

And if we desire to have our needs and wants met ever in a relationship then we must own responsibility for our own inner well-being and state of feeling. This is the ONLY way that we can relate long term with another person and experience stability and trust.

 

👉Over and over again I have heard how the one who is being “forced”😤 into this transition feels like the other does not care.

 

🤦‍♀️They want to fight for the relationship.

🤦‍♀️They want to convince the other that they can get it right.

🤦‍♀️They want to change the mind and feelings of the other.

🤦‍♀️They just want it to go back to the way it was and are often willing to play the waiting game to make it happen.

 

👉And it’s all a self-centered ploy to “feel” loveable, wanted, needed. 👈

 

If one really wanted the best for someone, really loved and cared for a friend/partner/lover they would suck it up and take care of themselves without demand from the one who is wanting changes.

 

They would understand that if things were so great before, that changes would not be happening, so it’s crazy to “think” things will EVER go back to what they were.

 

In their attempts to convince, fight for the relationship, question the needs and desires of the other they only push the other away all the more.

 

An ex of mine used to say, ” A reason, a season or a lifetime. You won’t know what it is till you get there.”

 

How true this statement is and most relationships are for a reason or a season. We can want for the lifetime, but we lose the beauty of the moment, memories, experiences and lessons if we run around focused on the lifetime to the point of squishing our “active desire” on another person.

 

👊👊The thing about “active desire” is that it can imprison you into a state of need. 😳🤯

 

Desire is a beautiful thing.

Desire is healthy!

You were born to live a life of desire.

 

With that said, desire moves you into suffering. And it is supposed to be that way…( yeah, it is.)

Life is about your suffering.

It is about how YOU choose to handle your suffering.

The lessons and healing that you gain from your suffering.

Just because you have an “active desire” DOES NOT mean that anyone owes you anything, nor that you need to put your demands on anyone to meet your desire.

 

THAT is immature.

That is unhealthy.

That is being a victim to life.

 

To have an active desire to maintain a relationship in the same fashion that it has been in and say, ” But, but… I don’t want this transition/change/etc. you need to care about my feelings here too.”

 

Is saying, ” I put you in charge of my happiness. I put myself in front of you for you. You are being selfish by caring about you and making a move for you.”

 

I am always reminded that the most self-centered souls are the one’s pointing fingers of selfishness and self-centeredness at those who are not giving them what they want, how they want it and putting the world in charge of their happiness.

 

I get it!

I have had my heart broken.

I have thought things were going one way and were good ONLY to find out that the other person did not feel the same.

I have cried for months and shut my heart down for years from deep love because of it.

I have sworn off allowing myself ever to care at that level before.

 

And I stand here today, deeper in love and commitment than I have ever experienced and in full gratitude for all the loss, heartache and suffering of my past because it was not aligned to my soul the way I wanted, and at my core I KNEW IT!!!

 

So when, someone says to you,

” I need to make this change.”

 

Say THANK YOU to them for taking care of them and you in the long run. Because that is what they are doing.

 

They are acting from a long term place of love for both of you and leaning into the reality that you are no longer aligned.

Your relationship has served its contract, its purpose and they recognize it.

 

Let yourself be set free.

You deserve to have relationships of all labels that are SOUL ALIGNED.

 

As Always,

Loving you on your journey from here.

 

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

Helping dynamite powerful souls like yourself discover love and fulfilment is what my passion is. Over the last two decades I have worked with hundreds of women & men such as yourself to call in their soulmate by aligning to their truth. I have guided countless couples not to just rekindle a love that they thought was lost, but to create an empowered turned on and fully aligned partnership based in love with 8 simple steps. If you are a woman or man who is looking for happiness, love and abundance in life and is sick and tired of just getting by, reach out to me for a FREE Clarity Call today where we will define exactly what is holding you back, what you are wanting to call in and the next best steps to achieve your desired life. Message me to set up your FREE Clarity Call today.

IS GOING MONOGAMOUS AFTER BEING POLYAMOROUS LEVELING UP YOUR RELATIONSHIP?

👊💥👉IS GOING MONOGAMOUS AFTER BEING POLYAMOROUS LEVELING UP YOUR RELATIONSHIP?😳👈

 

It’s a personal thing.

Well it should be a personal thing.

 

Recently I saw a status update from a man who was in a polyamorous relationship with a woman and she was in a relationship with another man. She decided that she wanted to “level up ” her relationship with this other man and came to the man I know and shared her decision and reasons. Although he was hurt, he understood and they parted with respect and understanding.

 

Another person recently shared that they had gone through something similar:

 

Can anyone relate? Several love connections have recently decided to monogamously close their new relationships

We’ve stayed in touch, but there’s been no acknowledgment or curiosity of how this transition may affect the feelings of someone who still has active desires. While I believe everyone has the absolute freedom to decide what relationship structure they desire at the moment, I’m having emotions around the lack of attunement or transitional “aftercare”. 😔

 

Now granted this share stirrers a bunch for me and I will be sharing it over the week as we go along but for today I am focusing on the transition from poly to monogamous and why some people feel it is “leveling up” a relationship.

 

As many of you may be aware, I was once upon a time married for almost two decades. It was a monogamous marriage, very traditional, very normal by the standards and we had with it all the typical challenges that come with marriage.

 

I realized over the course of time that I felt trapped. I felt unseen. I felt controlled and like I had to sacrifice pieces of myself to keep the marriage going. I found myself not speaking my truth, hiding my emotions and thoughts around tons of things and it was all eating away at me. I became dead to life, caloused to my heart and feelings, as well as to my sex and a zombie in so many ways.

 

So one day, I decided that things had to change and I asked for a divorce.

 

My purpose was now to discover myself, learn myself, my sex, my body, my likes and dislikes. I felt like I had been living according to what my husband wanted of me and the lack of integrity was ridiculous. So my only focus in finding myself was to remain in integrity at all cost.

 

This concept of radical integrity which I quickly discovered was hard AF!

And scary, it was beautiful beyond measure.

It allowed me a space to do exactly what I wanted.

Learn me.

 

I entered this next phase of my life, dating multiple men, speaking what I wanted, setting boundaries on time, my heart and my sex that I felt good about. I was in control of myself.

 

Giving my best to each partner I chose to share myself with and getting only the aspects of them that they wanted to give, which was of course the best aspects. The fun. The play, the ability to hold space, to listen and share without concern or judgment.

It was beautiful.

 

Or was it?

As time went on, I truly believed that I was most likely not meant for just “one ”. After almost two decades of control and rules that monogamy seemed to impose on couples, I truly believed that it was not healthy or loving. I believed that monogamy was only for small minded, control based relationships where relationships were based in fear, insecurity, need and a desire to control someone else. I counted monogamy as an ego driven style of relating.

 

🙏Open relationships felt more loving and accepting. 🙏

 

It felt safer.

 

I did not have to put all my eggs into one basket.

I did not have to have needs met by one.

And that was a loving thing, to not expect everything from “one.”

 

As time went on, I found myself moving into less open relating and wanting more depth and connection with just a couple of men.

 

Here I landed into a double primary relationship, where I had two men and I was the primary to each of them and they to me.

 

Allowing for my stability in my life.

And for some amount of years we were pretty successful in our poly-based relationship.

 

That was we were successful UNTIL “I” got really stable in who I was, what I wanted, what I liked and did not like and spoke my truth.

 

My one partner was highly upset that  after years of going along with things and being playful and adventurous, I suddenly changed my ways and had harder boundaries in what I wanted and did not enjoy in our sexing. He stated that I did not know myself. Saying that I needed to trust him. You see he was great with me having boundaries around my heart that I had instilled through open relationship where it was vital for me to not get overly attached to anyone and lose myself in them.  But when it came to my boundaries around my sex and body, he was frustrated with me. He wanted to act out his fantasies with my body and he wanted me to want it and trust him in it. Of which I could not because his fantasies were not mine AND he did not penetrate my heart.

 

My other partner, with him I could soften and move into our sexing with ease. I trusted him here. I knew that he wanted for my pleasure and safety not for his fantasy. He had accessed a bit more of my heart and I was wanting to move more into that lush space with him. I wanted to go deeper and commit more. And so I found myself requesting to move to a more monogamous relationship with him.

 

Now granted he chose differently.

He did not want that with me.

He found it with someone else and he set me free.

 

Thank goodness he did too.

Because he gifted me with the best thing ever, my freedom.

Freedom to get very clear on what I really was aligned too and what I really desired in relationship.

 

I had learned so much from all my experiences.

And I knew that what I truly wanted was depth in a relationship.

I knew that I wanted to surrender fully into a relationship and let my heart be held by another.

 

I was tired of the armour that an open relationship had created in its attempt to drop all the armour that had been created in the monogamous marriage of my past.

 

And so fast forward to NOW.

 

👉The relationship that I was not  ready for 25 years ago when I was still married.

 

👉The relationship that I could not have handled just two years ago as I sorted through my feelings, perspectives and views on freedom, commitment and authentic love.

 

👉The relationship that over a decade ago I was not ready for because I believed that immersion was bad and ego based.

 

Today I am monogamous.

And so many people ask me, “WHY?”

 

How can I go from being so open in love, relationship and sex to only having “ONE?”

 

“So in the past you have had non monogamous relationships, but it seems like now you are happy in a monogamous relationship.  So do you think that was because It ultimately wasn’t the right relationship in the past?  Or do you think it was more about where you were in your life and what you wanted at that time vs now?  Or was it more about the partner and what they were comfortable or ok with? Or a combo of all.” – Client inquiry.

 

💥💥💥And to these people and the individuals above who recently went through a transition in their polyamorous loves “leveling up” to monogamy I say this…

 

To some yes, monogamy means all the negative terms I shared and more. It means control and loss of rights. It means that you sacrifice who you are, what you want to explore and who you get to explore with.

 

But when someone is moving from polyamory to monogamy, if they are not being pressured into it but actually want it, it is because they are wanting “more” in their relationship.

 

More:

👉depth

👉commitment

👉transparency

👉trust

👉respect

👉aligned goals

👉connection

👉surrender

👉heart

 

And they have come through the beautiful education of what polyomourous relationships teach and offer and are ready to fully immerse themselves into what they feel is “home.”

 

Why have I come back full force to monogamy?

Simple….

 

💥HE SEE”S ALL OF ME – There is nothing hidden in my relationship. He has witnessed me through a few years in different relationship labels and he has seen my weakness, my fears, my inner battles, my demons. He knows me and he is willing to keep unearthing the parts of me by my side as I go deeper into my soul and heart with him. He continues to choose me, all the while standing strong in who he is and what he needs and wants in our relationship.

 

 

💥WE ARE ALIGNED IN MIND< HEART< SOUL AND BODY – This means that our values are aligned in these areas. We have taken the time not only to delve into each other and truly listen and watch, but to also stand in vulnerability with each other and share. Our lives blend together with ease, not asking either one of us to make massive life changes or be something that we are not. Our views on the world are similar. We live in a dance of joint commitment to relationship happiness and strength instead of who is right or wrong.

 

💥A WHOLE PACKAGE- Not what you might think I mean here. The whole package is all about the alignment and the feeling of “home.” Here is the thing, we may enjoy other destinations when we are world travelers but the feeling of coming home is fantastic if you have a good home. But what if you live in your dream destination and have everything you can ever want for? What if the thought of being a world traveler sounds exhausting and full of drama, even empty? If your home is that spectacular then you just  want to bask in your joy of the home you have and really sink into it. You want to build your life there. This is called full immersion. And it is what the soulmate relationship is all about. I believe that we are all looking for this and we simply don’t believe it’s a real thing because we get led astray and hurt so much that we end up armouring our hearts to it. There is something inside we humans that want the equal yoking and entwinement of the whole being where we become one. This is because we crave at our deepest level to have rock solid trust, love and transparency with another and it can only truly happen when two people commit to each other and make zero room for interruptions, chaos or things that distract.

 

👊I HAD TO WANT AND BE WILLING TO BE HELD LIKE THIS.👊

 

And this is a scary AF place to want to set up camp.

Let me tell you this.

Open relationships allowed for detachment, even encouraged it.

I taught myself that was the most loving thing to do.

 

💥Soul-monogamy💥requires unbelievable trust in surrendering into your mate and removing anything that can be perceived as a barrier. Ultimate transparency and acceptance of self and your partner. The reality is you cannot have soul-monogamy with just anyone. You must be ready for it and you must have the right person show up to meet you in this meadow of the rest of your life. 

 

It is Soul-penetration.

 

Yeah, there is a lot here and I hope that you found something for where you are at in your relationship and style.

There is no right or wrong in relating.

The only thing you ever need to do is find ALIGNMENT for where you are and speak your truth about it.

Your soul and heart are learning, and it is your responsibility to listen to the lessons and have faith in your steps.

 

For me, Soul-monogamy is my true path.

The rules that I was once intolerable of are now my heart’s desire.

I am not controlled by the container that we have built together but instead freed by it to know that I am protected and supported by my choices and my commitment and that my partner is aligned to these as well.

 

Freedom comes with responsibility.

Responsibility is defined by the guidelines that help us to have clarity to know what is needed in any situation or choice to be made.

 

Commit to these things and you will find yourself one day in the arms of your soulmate. 

 

As Always, 

Loving you from here on your journey. 

 

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Helping dynamite powerful souls like yourself discover love and fulfilment is what my passion is. Over the last two decades I have worked with hundreds of women & men such as yourself to call in their soulmate by aligning to their truth. I have guided countless couples not to just rekindle a love that they thought was lost, but to create an empowered turned on and fully aligned partnership based in love with 8 simple steps. If you are a woman or man who is looking for happiness, love and abundance in life and is sick and tired of just getting by, reach out to me for a FREE Clarity Call today where we will define exactly what is holding you back, what you are wanting to call in and the next best steps to achieve your desired life. Message me to set up your FREE Clarity Call today.

DON’T LET YOUR INNER CHILD SABOTAGE YOUR RELATIONSHIP, BECAUSE IT WILL!

👊👊👉DON’T LET YOUR INNER CHILD SABOTAGE YOUR RELATIONSHIP, BECAUSE IT WILL! 😳👈👊
I have an issue with the word, “You.”
I also am incredibly sensitive in nature and empathic you might say. I feel when my partner pulls away emotionally from me and it sends me into a tailspin in my thoughts.
I can be very self-critical, I judge myself before someone else can even get the words together and I have already sentenced myself, convinced that I am at fault, not good enough, not thinking right, feeling right and should just shut up about whatever the subject might be that has created this drama that I don’t want to deal with.
In the same, I was raised an only child (although I am not an only child) and with it I have a blended feeling of righteousness, as though the world ‘should’ just get on board with what I want. I am strong in my opinions about things and not afraid to speak them often.
I also have a blend of being the baby in the family and the eldest child in another way, because I found myself parenting my mother frequently… meaning I was the listening ear, the therapist, the peacekeeper, her friend, her sister…
I was rarely her child.
Except she guarded me and helicopter parented me like the baby.
My father wanted a son and he got me. Leaving me feeling like I was never good enough, never strong enough, a let down and there was nothing that I could do to fix it, so I was the best Tom boy that I could be with my barbies in hand, a baseball bat, fishing pole, and my fascination for nature and wild creatures.
All of this and so much more, created an inner child who is strong willed, temperamental, calculating yet hot headed at times, deeply emotional, fearful of not being worthy or good enough and yet that she is too much to handle and her truth is not acceptable for the world and especially the one she chooses to give her heart too.
And this inner child, well she gets things wrong a lot.
She acts from sheer emotion frequently and thank goodness for the parenting I have done for myself and self-healing and growing to see things so that I can nip them in the butt quicker than in years past.
I have learned that criticism is typically not a healthy stance to take.
For self or others.
And it certainly is not a loving act in an intimate relationship.
It actually creates separation and wraps both parties up into the blame game which steals our personal power and triggers wounds from childhood and past relationships.
Let me explain this just a tad bit more.
Typically when we are being critical with our partner what we are actually attempting to do is to inform them that we have a complaint about their action or behaviour.
An example might be that my partner and I have an agreement in our relationship to check in with each other. He texts me faithfully every morning when he arrives at work saying, “At office.”
I message back that I love him, letting him know that I received the message.
Now let’s say that he skips a day because he got caught up right away in a conversation at work and had to deal with something. One thing led to another as they do and he meant to message but never made it to it.
A few hours go by and my mind has now wandered into places of concern for him, or what happened because this is our pattern, our thing and he did not follow through.
Let’s say that I call him and say,
“What happened? I guess you think it’s okay to just not do what we agreed to and you obviously don’t care about my feelings or concern. I don’t believe you forgot because this is what we have been doing since we got together. It was just selfish of you to not slow down and think about texting me. How long does it take to just say at the office?”
This does not feel good, does it?
It blames him for his actions, my feelings and tells him that he is bad, selfish, I don’t trust him, I can’t trust him, I don’t believe him and that he is bad. It plays on any triggers from his youth about not getting it right and most likely may cause fear of abandonment. It also gives no space for human error and situations that arise for any of us. In truth if I were to say this to him, I would be the one who was being self-centered and not wanting to take any responsibility for my thoughts, feelings or how I am approaching him or his feelings. I am going into victim mode in this stance.
A healthy way to deal with the same situation might be,
“Hey love, just calling to make sure everything is okay. I got a bit scared since you have not texted like normal to let me know you were at the office, I thought we had agreed that we would do that for each other.”
Can you feel the difference?
Can you see the supportiveness, love, compassion and connection building in the second one versus the blame and shame in the first?
Which will lead to a healthy outcome?
Which creates a space for listening and for connection?
Exactly the second one.
Our words mean so much, and communication is vital to a happy, healthy relationship. Often people don’t express issues they are having, they instead express criticism. Expressing your frustration and upset, calmly and with a willingness to receive the others humanness shows unconditional love and support, instead of blame which creates separation, walls, fear and judgement.
The next thing our inner child might try and sabotage our relationship with is CONTEMPT. 😳
Contempt is a nasty little booger.
It goes far past criticism.
Criticism attacks your partner’s character, however contempt assumes a position of moral superiority.
Wowza!
This really shows its nasty head in situations where we get into comparison with our partner.
We tend to be acting strictly from our wound, our pain body in these moments. And we might say things such as,
“Yeah, yeah… you never feel good. You are always tired. Don’t you see what I have been doing for you, this house and family? Stop being so pathetic and just fix yourself already. If I had a dollar for every time you …”
Here is where we step firmly into righteousness land.
Making ourselves better than our partners and pointing them into the land of not good enough no matter what.
Typically our righteousness blinds us from being able to see our partners for who they are and what they are actually doing because we are caught up in our checklist and rules book of how it is supposed to look and the time line that we have impressed upon them ‘getting it right and proving themselves to us.’
Contemp arises because of the fear that we hold inside around abandonment and not being worthy enough to hold onto love.
It stems from a wounded inner child that felt unseen, unloved, not recognized and most likely was reminded of their shortcoming frequently. Anything that triggers it in our adult relating will put us here in the land of comparison and contempt that he/she has it better than us and does not appreciate it or what we have done.
This is a killer to creating lasting love and trust in a relationship and will always lead to our partners feeling like they are damned no matter what they do.
As a child, raised in the manner that I was.
As a virgo, who is super self-critical.
As a woman, who was a little girl who just desired her daddy’s acceptance and love, approval.
And not wanting to get things wrong in general but still being damn good at being human, one of the hardest grown up things that I have had to learn and get right with is, making mistakes and taking responsibility for them.
I believe that this is potentially THE BIGGEST issue in a relationship.
All relationships.
Love, parenting, friendship, work, don’t matter.
I know I am far from alone in learning how to be emotionally mature and own my own bull.
But there’s more to self-responsibility then just saying,
“I own my part.”
We have to follow that up with our actions.
And we have to make changes to not repeat the mistakes.
That says more than anything : I take responsibility for my words/actions here.
However, what happens more than this is DEFENSIVENESS.
And we make excuses for why it happened, almost begging for forgiveness and understanding.
Again we put ourselves into the victim mode instead of self-empowered mode. Plus, we say to our partner with our excuse that we don’t take their concern, feelings, thoughts, needs seriously.
We are not willing to take responsibility but instead point blame to an outside source.
Not saying that one cannot share “why” things happened the way they did, that is not a bad thing and helps our partner understand the full picture. But if we come out the gates without recognizing that our partner has a concern and instead just run over them with excuses and defense moves, or shifting the subject, pointing fingers back at them and such, we are shutting down communication and love.
Defensiveness is normal.
No one likes to be blamed or feel blamed.
But if we are to have a happy and healthy relationship then we have to shift past our normal defaults and practice a deeper, more loving communication style where both sides aim to find resolution in happiness instead of who is right or wrong.
The final wounded inner child tactic of sabotage on your relationship I want to share today is known as stone walling.
This is where the listener withdraws from the conversation. They shut down and simply stop responding to their partner rather than deal with the issue. They may all of a sudden become very busy with something and use maneuvers such as looking away, moving to a different room, saying they have to get to work, or even doing something as simple as doing the dishes or tapping their foot.
Stone walling is a childish behaviour that many people make use of when they feel extreme discomfort in discussing an issue in the relationship that may be too emotional for them at the time.
I had an intimate relationship for years just like this. My partner then, consistently would stone wall any issue. He would just act as though I did not exist anymore. In order for me to be seen by him, I would have to literally grovel and ask for forgiveness for what he perceived I did wrong and he would sit with a stone face and finally say, “Don’t worry about it.”
But that was just a lead into more stone walling.
Where he would tell me not to worry, to forget it.
What he wanted was for me to FIX MY EVIL WAYS.
Although, as it is in many instances in relationship, there was nothing to fix, or the things he was hurt about he had no idea what I could do to make better or right, just leaving me with the statement,
” You know what you did, you know what I want.”
The issue was that all I knew is that I did not like the feeling of being cast out.
I was asking for direction and wanted to do my part, but did not know what he needed from me to make it right.
And sometimes he was mad at me about what others had done, or his perception of events and was upset that he had been triggered but did not know himself what to do.
His path as a child was to coil up and hide.
To become aloof.
Separate as best he could from his pain.
And he brought this pattern to our relationship which in turn triggered my fear of abandonment.
My daddy issues about not being good enough or getting it right and a desire to please him at almost all cost.
So much so, like I did when my dad got upset with me and pulled away, I found myself in this unhealthy relationship acting the same and shrinking into my wounded child to meet his wounded child and we danced together in seperation.
Until one day, like any of these behaviours will lead to if used repeatedly and unconsciously from that sabotaging inner child state, we seperated.
 
A healthy format might have been to say,
“I am really emotional and upset about this right now. I don’t feel safe discussing it and need time to think and calm down. Can we talk later?”
 
Feel the difference from the stone walling?
I do.
And that is why I share this article today with you.
I see these behaviours being used frequently.
We are all guilty of them at different times, and if you think you are not,
THINK AGAIN.
Because you are human and wounded.
These are typical patterns of relating.
However, as we emotionally mature it is our responsibility to own our emotions and feelings, thus our actions and recognize our thoughts that lead to them.
Acting from an emotional mature space means that we as adults in a loving relationship will want to deal with any problem that arises and work through it right away. Where that inner child will choose one or more of these patterns and make excuses, point fingers and avoid.
The inner child will find themselves revisiting the wounds and fear,
sabotaging and recreating the history they did not enjoy living through in their once loving relationship of today.
Just something to ponder on this Friday.
As Always,
Loving you from here.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Helping dynamite powerful souls like yourself discover love and fulfilment is what my passion is. Over the last two decades I have worked with hundreds of women & men such as yourself to call in their soulmate by aligning to their truth. I have guided countless couples not to just rekindle a love that they thought was lost, but to create an empowered turned on and fully aligned partnership based in love with 8 simple steps. If you are a woman or man who is looking for happiness, love and abundance in life and is sick and tired of just getting by, reach out to me for a FREE Clarity Call today where we will define exactly what is holding you back, what you are wanting to call in and the next best steps to achieve your desired life. Message me to set up your FREE Clarity Call today.

IS YOUR COUPLEHOOD-PRIVILEGE CAUSING ISSUES IN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS?

 

🌹👩‍❤️‍👨👉IS YOUR COUPLEHOOD-PRIVILEGE CAUSING ISSUES IN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS?

 

It should not be, but it often does in today’s world.

 

This has been a BIG topic as of late and so here I am sharing it with you. I have heard everything from,

 

“Well your kids should be your primary relationship.”

“Is sex the only thing that changes things?”

“Why does your primary relationship have to be your mate/spouse/person you are dating-living with? Why can’t it be a friend?”

“It’s not fair that you spend the majority of your time/attention focused on your husband/wife/girlfriend/boyfriend, what about us/me?”

 

And so many more statements.

I have heard it from monogamous folks, polyomourous folks, and anything inside or outside of this as well. The children, friends, secondary lovers, family members of these couples are all complaining about…

 

👉👩‍❤️‍👨COUPLEHOOD-PRIVILEGE👩‍❤️‍👨👈

 

As if it’s a bad thing.

 

I mean how dare a couple choose each other, make each other a priority, want to focus time, attention, thought on each other and design a life together where they “do life in all ways – TOGETHER.”

 

How dare they make each other PRIMARY!

 

That is so self-centered and selfish of them, right?😂🤣😂

 

Well, the world around us with its desire to strip away labels and make everyone equal and the same certainly would have you believing so, however it’s just not true.

 

I believe that this sort of mindset comes from the same lineage as the one of , “There should be no winners or losers, we are all participants here and need to be treated equally. That’s the only fair thing.”

 

Well baby, life is extremely fair no matter what, I can promise you that.

Life gives you EXACTLY what you put into it.

The problem is that our society has come into this belief that things need to be equally balanced and fair where no one gets their ‘feelings’ hurt and no one gets more of anything (including your love, attention, time in a committed relationship).

 

👉If that were so, then what the heck is the point of getting into a committed relationship?

 

👉Why even look for love or want partnership?

 

And to a great degree what we are witnessing in the dating realm these days is just this…

 

💥A RISE IN CASUAL RELATIONSHIP.💥

 

No one wants to ask of someone else their needs.

People are afraid to share their boundaries.

They don’t want to impose on anyone else, because after all what right do they have to ask anything of the person they are wanting to be intimate with, share time and space with, make plans with, have babies with, go into debt with?

 

Instead, they just stay hushed up.

And this keeps relationships casual, disconnected, superficial and empty.

 

We fear asking because we don’t want to upset the cart, but what we don’t realize is that we are upsetting our own cart.

 

We are not loving or valuing ourselves and what we need and desire in a relationship when we do not state clearly these things.

 

And yet what do we see, with all the hushing and fear, we also have a bunch of extreme vocal victim mindset people out there, first in line to point fingers and blame as to how “others” are not being fair by not being inclusive.

 

They should not be allowed to do/be/have/act in any fashion that is not okay with whomever this complaining victim person is.

 

And it shows up in relationships.

 

Recently I was working with a couple who is monogamous, the wife has a best friend that is female, they are as close as can be, like sisters. Beautiful right?

However, the wife focuses more attention, time, energy to that friendship than she does to the marriage. To her husband. And if he asks for time, a date, or even travel, the wife says, “Well what about Jenny? I told her I was going to do this or that.”

 

The husband frustrated and feeling abandoned in the relationship is on the cusp of looking outside the relationship for other intimacy. After years of this attitude from his beloved wife he is truly struggling. As one might imagine.

 

The wife will make excuses to him about the fact that her friend being single needs her, she does not  have support and companionship like a couple so the wife feels it important to take her friend out to drinks and shows, on ‘girls trips’ multiple times a year.

 

👉THIS IS NOT HEALTHY FOR THE MARRIAGE!

 

Many women get enwrapped in their female friendships.

They support their fellow women as a sister-hood and it truly is beautiful and powerful. We ladies need this.

 

The issue comes in when we make our female friendships our priority to our partnership with our spouse/ the one we are dating and committed to.

 

Simply put,

 

👊YOUR FOCUS SHOULD ALWAYS FALL TO THE ONE YOU ARE WANTING TO DO LIFE WITH.👊

 

Otherwise, you won’t be doing life with them very long. 😳

or at least it will not be happy, connected, intimate, in sync or deep.

 

People get thier booty tickled over not being primary in someone’s life, they feel as though they are just cast away and mean nothing if they are not the center of attention or getting what they deem appropriate time and energy from whomever they want it from. This happens to all of us somewhere along the line, however the emotionally mature soul will understand that we are designed to have ONE primary partner.

 

In a partnership/marriage/intimate relationship this should be the person you are committed to here. ( Monogamous or polyomourous, does not matter.) THIS person gets the majority of the time and ALL others, children, friends, family, other lovers, etc are SECONDARY.

 

Yes dear, it’s a hierarchy and it is to be such so that the primary partnership remains just that – PRIMARY AKA PRIORITY.👊💥👊

 

Putting your priorities anywhere else for very long in a committed relationship will hinder and cause major long term issues in the relationship.

 

I have heard a lot about the negativity of hierarchy in partnership/committed relationships, to be honest I don’t see an issue unless it is being used as though one partner is boss over the other. That is not a partnership to begin with. Partnership means discussions, communication is key, transparency is a must and loving self, respecting yourself enough to speak those truthful words to your partner is a requirement in a happy, healthy partnership. It only becomes an unhealthy hierarchy if one person is fearful of losing the other if they are authentically themselves. If one partner feels they need to hide, change or become something to keep the partnership then it becomes an unbalanced hierarchy.

 

But a hierarchy it still should be.

A family cannot be equal where all family members get to have equal say and rights in making decisions. If we allow our ten year old to decide on family direction then things may be lost in the land of Minecraft. If you put your financial future into the hands of your 16 year old then how well will your golden years fair? And if you just give, give, give to your children, you will exhaust yourself and only find that your children are ungrateful and expectant not understanding real life issues at all.

 

Friendships cannot overrule your partnership either.

They must be secondary. They are friendships and if you feel called to give more here than to your life partner, you might want to reevaluate your partnership, because you are obviously not committed, in love or aligned the way you once were.

 

In an open relationship, if you allow your secondary partner(s) to become the focus point of your life, they will become your primary partner and your primary partner will be gone to someone who will value them properly.

 

In ALL couplehood the “couple” is a UNIT. 

It must be that two become ONE.(the hierarchy)

Having each other’s backs or losing each other to the wolves of all the other relationships that no matter how loving and supportive those outside relationships are, have themselves in mind and at the forefront of their focused desire.

 

YOU MUST DECIDE WHAT YOUR PRIORITY IS.

Where you put your attention will show the truth.

 

Is your couplehood-privilege causing issues in your other relationships? It certainly might be with the way our world operates, but if you truly love your partner, want to do all of life with them and want to know you have each other’s backs….

 

👉Set boundaries.

👉Have difficult conversations with those asking you to give, give, give.

👉get clear on what your couplehood goals and desires are.

👉And clean your relationship house up! Don’t be afraid to take out the trash of the relationships that cannot support your couplehood-privilege or are making demands on you that can destroy the love you have with your partner.

 

As Always,

Loving you from here,

 

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

Helping dynamite powerful souls like yourself discover love and fulfilment is what my passion is. Over the last two decades I have worked with hundreds of women & men such as yourself to call in their soulmate by aligning to their truth. I have guided countless couples not to just rekindle a love that they thought was lost, but to create an empowered turned on and fully aligned partnership based in love with 8 simple steps. If you are a woman or man who is looking for happiness, love and abundance in life and is sick and tired of just getting by, reach out to me for a FREE Clarity Call today where we will define exactly what is holding you back, what you are wanting to call in and the next best steps to achieve your desired life. Message me to set up your FREE Clarity Call today.

4 TYPES OF MEN THAT WILL NEVER MAKE YOU A PRIORITY.

👊👊💥4 TYPES OF MEN THAT WILL NEVER MAKE YOU A PRIORITY💥👊

 

Or ladies…

This bit of relationship reality can pertain to both sexes, however I will be addressing it toward the women looking for love and commitment with a man.

 

👉👉👉SO YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW TO STOP BEING AN OPTION TO HIM?

 

The simple answer would be, ‘BE A MF HIGH VALUE WOMAN!’

I mean that’s what a lot of relationship coaches will tell you.

Just lean into your feminine.  Relying on the man to do it all will never work, it will however land you in the middle of heartbreak over and over again. You cannot rely on the man to vet the relationship. You as the woman MUST do your inquiry on the front side and take full responsibility for figuring out if he is one of these four types of men or not. If you truly want to find love and commitment then before you ever meet you need to explore who he is and how aligned you really are.

 

You see our world supports swipe dating and this sort of dating desensitizes us to actual connection to another human being.

 

It focuses us on attraction instead of values, how our lives may blend together or not and if a person is emotionally mature.

When we focus on attraction we get caught up in the idea that the most valuable thing is chemistry and if you have chemistry then love will solve all other challenges.

 

👊👊🥰LOVE DOES NOT SOLVE RELATIONSHIP WOES!🥰👊👊

 

 

Sorry to break it to you beautiful, but love is not the answer to everything, as wonderful as it may sound. 👉What solves issues in relationship is emotional maturity and alignment. 👈

 

And there is a major difference between emotional maturity and being in touch with your emotions.  That is a whole nother conversation however, and if you want more in depth coaching on how to discover the difference as well as to develop your own emotional maturity to call in aligned matches, reach out to me in the comments or privately. This is my expertise.

 

Your hyper focus on chemistry is killing your vetting game!

Unfortunately, both sexes are walking into the dating realm looking for the generalized idea of what they deem love and commitment. However, they have no real intentionality in their exploration, meaning they are not being conscious about, “Who is really compatible with me? or What sort of questions should I be asking before I give my heart/solitude/space in my life away? And how do I know if this person is emotionally mature?”

 

The concept of , “Time will tell.” is not something that many people really want to invest in and with good reason. For the majority of the singles who are over fourty years old, midlife dating means that they don’t want to waste time with bad eggs. However 75% of that bracket of singles looking for love are divorced. They have alimony, child support, visitation rights, family court stuff, erectile dysfunction, menopause, job issues, retirement fears, and elderly parents just to name a few things. A completely different set of challenges than those in their twenties and thirties and if you are a midlifer they you get it.

 

EVEN MORE IMPORTANT TO FIND ALIGNMENT AND EMOTIONAL MATURITY THEN JUST LOOKING FOR CHEMISTRY AND PHYSICAL ATTRACTION.

 

👉The idea that if we have mutual chemistry it will lead to love is false! 🤯

 

REALITY: Love only comes over time and life challenges that two people commit to overcome and support each other on.

 

You do not find love on a first, second, or even third date.

That feeling of love at first sight…

Yeah it’s actually lust or limberance.

 

You could say that love is earned.

Might sound conditional, because it most certainly is and should be on the front side. Giving your heart away so freely is naive and immature. It is not self-loving or respectful and it drives me crazy to hear so many ladies out there say, “I can’t help it… I have such a big heart and so much love. I wear my heart on my sleeve.”

 

Well ladies (and sensitive gents alike), if you are guilty of this, realize that you need to do a little bit of internal work and learn to love yourself enough to be clear with who you are and what you want and be emotionally strong and stable. This is a major piece to emotional maturity. Handing over your heart and love so easily will only cause you suffering.

 

👊👊💥 MUTUAL ATTRACTION DOES NOT MEAN THAT HE IS THE ONE FOR YOU!💥👊👊

 

He may take the lead and drop you into your feminine.

You may have that knee popping kiss that we see in movies and desire.

He may have all the right bullet points on the resume that you have created in your head.

And you may “feel this energy” that you just want to lose yourself into.

 

None of that means that he is your soulmate however.

None of it means that you are aligned or that he is emotionally mature.

Only going deep into inquiry, asking the right questions, being honest about your intentions around relationship will set the stage for you to better make an informed decision on if he is worth your time, energy, heart and sex.

 

Men can leap through many relationships far easier than women.

Understand that. They are designed to sow their seed. For the majority of women however, if they are wanting love and commitment not just a hookup where they remain armoured up against true connection and unity, this sort of bouncing the spectrum with so many men will shatter them emotionally.

Leaving them feeling unwanted, not valued except for their sex, not lovable and as though they are always an option to the men they set their eye and heart on.

 

👉So what are the 4 types of men that will make you an option?

 

Being an option to someone means that you are not a priority.

Basically speaking, when someone is always too busy ( and we are all busy AF in our lives, especially us midlifers. ) They are saying, 💥”You are not important to me.”💥

 

You can always see where someone’s priorities are seated, because that is exactly where they will be investing their time, energy and heart.  If you are looking for a relationship, a partnership for a lifetime and love, then realize that if you are not creating the space for it in your life then you really do not value it or want it.

 

👊The 4 Types of Men (or Women) Who will NEVER Make You A Priority Are: 👊

 

💥Men who lack purpose and/or passion. – The majority of our world goes to work each day. They identify themselves with their career but they hate what they do. They are not passionate about their work or what they are offering the world and this often goes hand in hand with purpose, because the purpose behind their work is simply to pay the bills.  The issue with passionaless and purposeless people is that they are suffering internally. They suffer from core identity, putting who they are as a career and a responsible person in place of truly knowing themselves. This translates to them typically having destructive behaviors because they lack core foundation and THAT makes them incapable of creating a healthy foundation in a relationship as well. When a person lacks passion/purpose you may see it come out in the use of drugs and alcohol, they may date excessively, become sexaholics or even develop avoidant personalities.

 

👊👊💥REALIZE THIS: EXCESSIVE DATING AND A NEED TO BE AROUND PEOPLE OR HAVE SEX EXCESSIVELY IS A FORM OF SELF-MEDICATION.💥👊👊

 

These sort of men will never make you a priority because they are lost in who they are at a core level.  Our passions and purpose can and will change/transform through our lives, however if we do not know who we are we are not ready for authentic love, relationship or soulmate partnership.

 

💥Men who have a bunch of chaos going in their life. – (Job issues, health, financial, child issues, family, etc). This might seem like the net to meet someone just shrinked incredibly, especially for all the midlifers out there. And I am not saying to totally disregard these men and not date them, just don’t get caught up in the web of believing that you can “fix them” and if you do fix them that they will be yours and love will heal it all. Those of you who want to always fix someone, are falling into the idea that things will change,   you are making excuses for your partners behaviors and attitudes, for their immaturity. Realize that you will only exhaust yourself. Don’t get made at the fact that you are the one choosing these projects only to discover that you are beating your head against a brick wall.

 

👊👊💥STOP BEING IN RELATIONSHIP WITH A PROJECT!💥👊👊

 

You want to play and learn yourself with a project? FINE.

You want to learn about your likes, dislikes, needs and desires with a project? FINE.

But if you are just getting to know someone and they are project central, then get real with yourself and don’t give your heart away.

We can all be projects at times in our lives.

We can all have a bunch of chaos blossom in our lives.

Alignment and emotional maturity however, will show you if you are in a constant construction sight, where the person you have set your eye on is willing and able to build something or not. And from here you can make a decision if you want to support and grow together or if you need to look elsewhere.

 

💥A man who is set in his ways. -Typically this happens as we age. People who are older, who have not been in any or very few or limited significant primary relationships to any degree can become VERY set in their ways which means that they are set in how they do life ALONE, making it a challenge to put someone else, especially on the front side of learning each other, as a priority. They may also suffer from a lack of emotional immaturity because they have not had the relationship challenges and lessons as others.

 

💥A casual relationship man who offers/request monogamy/exclusivity out the gates but has no real desire to be in a committed relationship. – This is a bit harder to identify than the others, because we believe that making a request or offering up exclusivity is a sign of commitment and desire to explore a relationship. However, that is not always the case and you will often find that one or more of the other items will come into play with this person, from above.

 

You must understand what commitment means if you are wanting it, and realize that it is not exclusivity. Nor does it come right away… commitment comes with love.

 

👉LOOK AT THE TRADITIONAL MARRIAGE VOWS IF YOU WANT A GOOD DEFINITION OF WHAT COMMITMENT IS.👈

 

Commitment means, “I’ve got your back!”

For better or worse.

In sickness and health.

Richer or poorer.

 

If you are not willing to wipe the puke off of someone’s face, sit by their bedside in a hospital room for weeks/months on end, support them in a time of financial strife, etc. then you are not committed!

 

You have to want and be willing to commit to all the shiz that comes with someone else when you get into a real authentic relationship and encompass all of what it means to be partners in life.

 

This alone takes courage, emotional maturity, and commitment to the relationship.

Of course loves plays a significant role,

and love grows the commitment.

 

However as long as you stay focused on being wined and dined, romanced and following the energy, the lure of someone’s physical appearance and the chemistry you have in the moment that feels so hot and yummy, YOU WILL NOT BE A PRIORITY TO WHOMEVER THIS OTHER PERSON IS.

 

Get aligned to yourself!

Set your intentions in what you want in a relationship.

Ask the right questions before you have sex, open your heart up and let all the butterflies in your tummy loose.

 

🌹BEFORE YOU PUT THOSE ROSE TINTED GLASSES ON – INQUIRE, INQUIRE, INQUIRE ON IF THIS PERSON IS THE MOST COMPATIBLE FOR YOU.🌹

 

And if you want some help learning those questions to ask,

on developing your core and loving yourself into a place of commanding in respect, and being valued to a level of being someone’s priority, then reach out to me today. Its my passion and purpose to help people like you find their soulmate relationship and thrive in abundance.

 

As Always,

Loving you from here.

 

Stop Existing & Start Living

 

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

Helping dynamite powerful souls like yourself discover love and fulfilment is what my passion is. Over the last two decades I have worked with hundreds of women & men such as yourself to call in their soulmate by aligning to their truth. I have guided countless couples not to just rekindle a love that they thought was lost, but to create an empowered turned on and fully aligned partnership based in love with 8 simple steps. If you are a woman or man who is looking for happiness, love and abundance in life and is sick and tired of just getting by, reach out to me for a FREE Clarity Call today where we will define exactly what is holding you back, what you are wanting to call in and the next best steps to achieve your desired life. Message me to set up your FREE Clarity Call today.

I CONTEMPLATE DEATH FREQUENTLY… AND THIS IS WHAT I HAVE LEARNED ABOUT LIFE, LOVE, PLEASURE AND JOY BECAUSE OF IT.

🧐☠️🤯I CONTEMPLATE DEATH FREQUENTLY… AND THIS IS WHAT I HAVE LEARNED ABOUT LIFE, LOVE, PLEASURE AND JOY BECAUSE OF IT. 🤯💀☠️
“Nothing is permanent.”
There are few things that we can be certain of in our life experience.
Those being:
👉Change.
👉Suffering.
👉Death.
And THAT is all you get!
That is what life offers you my love.
Anything else is for your molding.
It’s very zen of me to focus on death and suffering in truth.
Life is truly about suffering and how we choose to deal with it.
Suffering is not really a bad thing, I say that from my deepest heart space. Suffering brings with it the birth of desire. It creates in its wake the contrast needed for us to learn who we are and what we want to experience in life.
Life is a wild ride and God/universe is its reign holder.
But you my sweet are equally in charge of the way that your life moves. And you do so by accepting that the above three guarantees are just that – 👊GUARANTEES. 👊
From there you get to choose how you will live your life.
And the sad reality is that so many of us humans choose poorly. 😢
Now, don’t let this share today rain on your parade by any means.
It’s actually a share of sunshine, rainbows and unicorns farting glitter dust everywhere. 🤣🧚‍♀️🦄
I find myself contemplating death frequently when I look with depth into my relationship with my man.
Never before have I feared this space of transition, ending, death.
I have never walked into an intimate relationship thinking to myself, “Wow, I better really practice detachment here. This man holds me to a level of my soul that I have always dreamt of but never anticipated to manifest. I fear losing him.”
And that is the truth.
🥰”I FEAR LOSING THIS LOVE.”🥰
I do not fear him leaving me.
I do not fear my saying goodbye.
I do not fear the passing of our love into something that is no longer love, HOWEVER I do respect the reality that someday,
and in my book all too soon, because a thousand years is not long enough to wake in his arms, that we will have to say goodbye to the physical that we know so well and find comfort in.
Life has taught me much about suffering and loss.
From the loss of my parents, the loss of siblings and dear friends.
From the edge of the sword with my grandson and his heart transplant to the loss of financial security, business, health, safety and love.
👉Life has revealed its cruelty and beauty all in the same.
The blessings within the fear. 👈
And what I am certain of is that until we humans fear with respect death, change, and suffering for the blessing that it is we find ourselves never truly living.
We avoid living to our fullest and allowing ourselves to be ravished by life, because we fear these things I share here.
We stand aloof in our hearts and souls, armoured and protected at our gates worrying about a future that we are preventing by staying unattached from the greatest experiences life has to offer.
We run from these blessings by some psychotic idea that we can control life and its outcome.
Which is the same for every living thing on this planet.
Death. ☠️
And by doing so we armour ourselves and hide in our suffering instead of embracing it.
We avoid what we deem bad or evil.
Crap luck.
We drink ourselves into blindness.
We hide under the covers of drugs and medicines.
We harbour our hearts with dis-ease and scarcity.
And we point our fingers outward and blame.
Blame life for these evils and pain that we experience.
Ignoring what we are being blessed with altogether.
The beauty of the opportunity to live fully.
We are fearful that God/universe will come and steal it all away from us if we allow ourselves to be fully immersed into everything sacred, beautiful, yummy and good.
Yet this my love is the sacred romance from God/universe.
This is God courting us into the deepest levels of who we really are and our desires.
We deny our truth and desire for living unbound, fulfilled and in rapture by being irresponsible with the blessings that are bestowed upon us in the blessings of suffering, change and death.
We focus so much on losing, that we step away from our present blessings of love, joy, happiness, fulfillment to focus on what is inevitable.
All things transform. Nothing is permanent.
At first in my relationship with my partner, I avoided my heart.
I spoke non-truths and attempted to hide my heart and soul from him and myself so that I would not feel pain again. I knew at my core that he was what I had been waiting for. I knew that we were deeply bonded as though we had already been soul-merged for a millenia, and it scared me.
I trembled in fear of losing him before we ever became intimate.
I feared him turning away from me, from God snagging him out of my life long before we dated. Long before I admitted my heart to myself I feared the loss. And I did everything in my earthly power to armour against him, to hide myself from the love and connection.
I ran.
And then when we stepped down the path of couple-hood, I still tested the waters of arguing with my soul.
Hiding and not allowing myself the permission to breathe him in.
To feel this love.
Still some days, I wake in fear.
And I want to run because I do not want to experience the pain.
The emptiness.
I fear my heart being torn right out of my body.
At the thought of losing him.
And then I come back home to him and I.
I bring my attention into the present.
And I allow myself to fully be immersed into the NOW.
I stop the worry, the fear, the agonizing over what will certainly come in our distant goodbye of this physical AND instead I breathe into us here and now.
I share this with you today, because I see many people suffering without any end in sight.
I see so many couples agonizing over the things that they have no control over and the fact that they desire control over the natural cycles of life and love.
I see so many couples and singles alike ignoring the beauty of their lives.
The depth of their relationships and sex.
I witness so many dynamic souls hiding from living the abundance and glory that they were born to live and instead pursuing fear and pain.
🤯YOU WERE BORN TO BE RIPPED OPEN BY LIFE AND LOVE!
That is your sole purpose.
You are not to be tamed by life.
You are not to be safe in life.
You are not to be harboured up and feel nothing, detached from your heart and soul.
NO my love, you are here to feel.
To experience.
To transform.
And if you can understand this truth today,
you will meet me in the garden of death and appreciate your NOW.
Because that is all any of us ever have.
👉The NOW.👈
And you are missing it and all its rapture of love, joy, abundance and pleasure that it offers because you are looking so far into the future and fearing what will come for all of us.
☠My take on the lessons of contemplation of this subject is that I would rather die knowing that I have lost myself in the full immersion of loving completely (body, mind, heart and soul) than to continue to hide myself from it.
☠I would rather embrace life and all its wonders and joys by knowing that I have shared every breath of my soul experience in the way that feels most aligned at my core then to blame the world and life for the shortcomings that are not really such but instead opportunities to expand and grow.
☠In looking at life, I see that there really is nothing to fear but fear itself as the saying goes. God is a wild God, a creator of dramatic experiences that birth us into all that we are meant to become.
And if we are to gain every blessing we can in our lives then we must have faith and lean all the way into such beauty as intimate love and commitment of our souls with another that we know at a soul level like no other.
We must stop the insanity of getting caught up in our futures that are never coming and instead Awaken to our present.
Embrace joy, pleasure, love, abundance.
And dance in our shattering, our rapture, our birth.🦄🥰🥳
Because that is exactly what uniting at a soul level with another is.
Are you ready my love for this beauty?
Ask yourself today:
👉🥰👉”What aspect of your love story do you fear will be taken away by life if you give yourself permission to fully immerse into it and receive?”
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
Helping dynamite powerful souls like yourself discover love and fulfilment is what my passion is. Over the last two decades I have worked with hundreds of women & men such as yourself to call in their soulmate by aligning to their truth. I have guided countless couples not to just rekindle a love that they thought was lost, but to create an empowered turned on and fully aligned partnership based in love with 8 simple steps. If you are a woman or man who is looking for happiness, love and abundance in life and is sick and tired of just getting by, reach out to me for a FREE Clarity Call today where we will define exactly what is holding you back, what you are wanting to call in and the next best steps to achieve your desired life. Message me to set up your FREE Clarity Call today.

“ON THE MARKET” TILL YOU PUT A RING ON MY FINGER.

💍”ON THE MARKET” TILL YOU PUT A RING ON MY FINGER.

 

So some say.

How do you feel about this?

Would love to hear all the comments on this topic.

 

Recently I was privy to a conversation around “what defines couplehood?” And to my surprise (and yet not) so many men and women alike focused on the legal aspects of what makes you  a couple.

 

Making statements such as,

“How do you file your taxes? There you have your answer if you are single or a couple.”

 

“According to legal paperwork you have to fill out, ‘dating’ or ‘engaged’ is not an option for selection, so you are single unless married.”

 

“If someone passes away and you are not married then you are just considered friends no matter the time you have no rights, so you are single unless married.”

 

And so many more statements along these lines.

 

True as these statements are when looking at couplehood from a legal aspect, the question is not one of legalities unless you only value the legal and not the heart.

 

🌹💍🌹 SO WHAT DEFINES COUPLEHOOD?🌹💍🌹

 

Is it monogamy?

Exclusivity?

What about those couples who are in an open relationship? Swingers? Poly?

Are they not couples because they have agreed upon multiple partners?

 

Is it the legal aspect, a ring, an “I DO.” and a contract that binds?

What about those who are living together but have not crossed that line yet, are engaged? Or maybe don’t believe in marriage but believe in love and commitment?

 

👉🤯DO YOU CONTINUE TO SHOP FOR THE BEST MATE UNTIL A RING AND CONTRACT ARE DRAWN UP? -NO MATTER THE LIVING ARRANGEMENT, THE SPOKEN COMMITMENT, THE PLANNING?

 

And how does this equate to love and commitment?

 

Would you want to marry someone who is still shopping for the better choice even though they tell you they are in love with you?

 

Here is what one woman said, and I quote:

“Until you’re married you are single 👌

Now you may be courting, dating or in a committed relationship,

but you’re still “on the market” until you’re no longer available.”

 

Last time I looked at this thread 44 people agreed and loved this woman’s sentiment.

And maybe you are one of them.

 

I cannot help it, as polarizing as it may be to some, I strongly disagree.

 

This statement says – ” I AM NOT COMMITTED NOR IN LOVE.”

 

IF YOU WANT:

👊Commitment

👊Trust

👊Rock Solid

👊The ability to surrender to love.

 

Then baby you gotta give up the market.

 

If you count yourself “still available until paperwork and a ring” you will NEVER find the above list of vital ingredients to a strong, stable, loving relationship.

 

You will NEVER feel loved nor safe.

 

👉Because you CANNOT trust someone who is always looking for something better.👈👈👈

 

The issue with this statement is that love, one’s heart and soul, true soul connection is being ignored in the pursuit for the shiniest new object that can fill the greatest amount of earthly needs.

 

THIS LEAVES WHOMEVER YOU ARE WITH FEELING REPLACEABLE.🤯

 

Uncertainty is the foundation to lack of trust.

Which translates to lack of respect.

And no desire to open the heart.

 

This way of viewing love (if you can even call it that) is based in need alone.

 

And in my opinion after working with thousands of individuals and couples over the last almost two decades I can tell you honestly THIS is the cause of so much pain and suffering.

 

More often than not, couples come to me because they discover that they never loved their partner fully. They never felt fully aligned, or matched to them.

 

However, their partner had the money, the house, the romance, the looks, the stamina, the intelligence, was a ‘great’ guy or sweet woman… blah… blah…blah…

 

And then they find themselves one day on a trip with friends, having a few too many drinks and having an affair with the resort tennis instructor from Italy because he is the shiny new object that rocks their boat and makes them feel alive.

 

And after all, they are not married.

So they owe nothing to the person at home.

Forget the last however many years…

Forget the lifelong plans…

The goals and dreams supposedly shared.

 

OR…

 

Maybe they are married.

And, “Oops, I slipped, it won’t happen again. I drank too much.”

 

I can tell you this, no matter the agreements what defines couplehood is COMMITMENT, TRUST, TRANSPARENCY.

 

And above all else LOVE.

 

And when you are really  in love with someone,

you have zero desire to dilute that  love with outside influences.

You see the beauty in the mirror of your partner.

You respect them, honor them, appreciate them and realize that communication, authenticity and a desire to make your relationship rock solid is priority.

 

YOU ARE NOT LOOKING FOR SOMETHING BETTER.

 

💍Ring or no ring…

It Doesn’t matter.

 

Although it may to those in your life.

 

🤯Perhaps your family and friends will not honor, respect or see the relationship as committed UNLESS there is a ring and a contract signed?

 

🤯Perhaps you will find yourself always fighting off the wolves who want to test your commitment until they see that there is a “REAL” boundary there?

 

All that matters however, is how you define couplehood.

How do you view love?

Commitment?

What are your values around relationships?

 

If you are with someone and still looking for something better, but holding onto them because “something is better than nothing” then at very least BE REAL with the one you are with and tell them that this is how you feel.

 

Give them the option to hang with you while you explore or to find someone who will want them for them and match their needs/wants/desires in a relationship that’s aligned to their soul.

 

👊👊CAUSE BABY, IT AIN’T TRUE LOVE NOR YOUR SOULMATE CONNECTION IF YOU ARE STILL OPEN TO THE MARKET.👊👊

 

And I share that from personal experience. 🙄

 

👉Ready to get real and call in that soulmate love that makes you want for no other?

 

👉Sick and tired of feeling like love is fleeting and something that is not possible to hold on to?

 

👉Looking for the one who makes your heart and soul soar but uncertain how to identify if he/she is the one?

 

Helping dynamite powerful souls like yourself discover love and fulfilment is what my passion is. Over the last two decades I have worked with hundreds of women & men such as yourself to call in their soulmate by aligning to their truth. I have guided countless couples not to just rekindle a love that they thought was lost, but to create an empowered turned on and fully aligned partnership based in love with 8 simple steps. If you are a woman or man who is looking for happiness, love and abundance in life and is sick and tired of just getting by, reach out to me for a FREE Clarity Call today where we will define exactly what is holding you back, what you are wanting to call in and the next best steps to achieve your desired life. Message me to set up your FREE Clarity Call today.

 

As Always,

 

Stop Existing & Start Living

 

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

5 Secret Turn-Ons To Seduce A High Quality Man.

 

👊👊🌹5 Secret Turn-Ons To Seduce A High Quality Man🌹👊👊

 

Last night over dinner I looked at my man and asked him,

“What have I done differently than other women that makes you want to commit so deeply and go all in with me?”🤔

 

He responded with, “So much.”

 

And then I began to think about it.

I thought of how just this last week he and I were in Half Price Books looking for Viktor Frankl’s book, Man’s Search for Meaning, when we found ourselves drifting up and down the psychology, spiritual, health, finance and self-growth aisles. Inquiring with each other what we had explored in our past. Having read so many of the same books or similar minds we found ourselves once again connecting and understanding each other’s views and why we mirror one another in so many ways.

 

As I looked at this tiny moment from last week I realized that THIS was just it…

 

👉🤯WE ARE BOTH ATTRACTED TO THE MIRROR.👈😍

 

That mirror being that we match each other on so many levels.

It is far past our attraction to one another’s physical or the chemistry that we certainly have.

 

Our lives have brought us through multiple relationships in our past that taught each of us what we valued and what we did not desire in a partnership. Which is often the case as we emotionally mature through our lives.

 

You see often in relationships we find ourselves calling in the opposite of what we want and we cannot figure out 👉WHY👈?

 

It has to be like this.

As long as we resist doing the inner work and remain emotionally immature, focused on only “me” and being right, a victim to life in essence and not taking responsibility for our emotions and the events in our lives then we MUST call in the opposite of what we desire and want so that we can enhance our clarity and build up our emotional maturity.

 

As we mature in the heart and mind and do the inner work to connect us deeper to our soul we start to find different attributes attractive then what we use too.

 

Beauty changes in our eyes. 🌹

 

The other day when we were walking around the bookstore chatting about our reading history and thoughts on topics, one of the books that popped out on the shelves was, “The Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz.” We have both read it and it bears with it one of the sexiest things a woman can do to turn-on a man and get him to think long term about her.

 

💋💃🔥CONSISTENCY – This really just always comes back to actions match words and you are consistent about what you say, how you think and the way you act.  The majority of people ( male and female) have challenges around this vital ingredient to building a lasting relationship because they suffer from the belief or thinking of:

“I’m not good enough.”

“I’m not likable or lovable.”

THIS very thought process makes it difficult for the majority of people to be, as The Four Agreements puts it, impeccable with their word.

 

👊Yet this single thing is sexy AF when a man or woman portrays it!

 

💋💃🔥BEING A MF GROWN UP! – Adulting has a heck of a lot more to do with how we play with others then with paying bills and holding a job. Although these things are vitally needed as well, in the land of the heart and emotional maturity, adulting has more to do with 👉HOW WE FIGHT👈.

It’s called conflict resolution.

And the vast majority of people operate from the land of, “I am right, you are wrong.” This is all based in ego and again a need to be validated by another in some fashion.

 

👊What’s ever so attractive is a person who can be an actual grown up and listen as well as accept that the other party’s point is true for them.

 

When both parties can do this for each other you can communicate from a higher vibration based in love and a desire to find resolution versus being right and having the other agree that you are right.

 

There is nothing worse than to find yourself in a mis-communication or some form of friction with your partner and have them tell you that YOU are misconstruing things or are wrong in how you remember it, see it or feel about it. This only builds walls between the two of you, not bridges.

 

Being able to see that others’ views and feelings are just where they are and that you can agree to disagree because you are individuals with different  takes is highly seductive and attractive in looking at a lifelong mate.

 

Being a MF Grown Up is NOT about being right and maintaining the friction until the other person caves to your way of seeing or feeling about something. That is not love based nor emotional maturity. Finding resolution in the relationship is however.

 

💋💃🔥 EASY TO BE A ROUND-  No one enjoys being around someone who has a stick up their booty. It’s simple, friendliness, authentic friendliness not that sugar coated fake stuff is a turn-on.

When a person is uptight, anxious, scared of their own shadow and aquard about doing life and relating it reveals the wounds that they have not yet conquered and dealt with.

 

👉The energy we portray says everything about our inner scape.

 

If you are a woman (or a man) who “thinks” they are easy to get along with, has a big heart but no one accepts it, calls yourself friendly but when you are trying to do a relationship you find yourself getting the opposite of what you want and desire?

 

Look no further than the wounds that you bare still and keep coming back too.

 

You know what they are.

It’s what holds your bitterness, your anger, your pity party, your envy and makes you feel insecure.

Want to authentically be friendly and easy going, let go of that high maintenance attitude… then deal with your inner BS.

Until you do this you will continue to feel like no one appreciates your heart and intentions, cares or values what you have to offer. That jaded view will hold you back from fully embracing your confidence, your own self-love and acceptance and  will make your childish attempts at being seductive, attractive and turned-on to life empty and laughable.

 

👊People who authentically smile from within and love life, feel good in their own skin are attractive AF!

 

💋💃🔥BRING JOY NOT DRAMA – #1 desire of men and what the vast majority will put on their dating profile.

“Looking for a drama free woman.”

 

A high quality man (meaning an emotionally mature man) knows that he is not responsible for you emotionally. 🤯🤯🤯

 

And he finds it DAMN Sexy when you get this too!

He is not wanting you to babysit him or mother him and he does not want to have to take care of you in this fashion either.

This is an extreme level of neediness A.K.A High Maintenance that emotionally mature men don’t find attractive.

 

He wants you to know that you are beautiful, powerful, radiant, sexy AF, a queen without him. If he is what validates these things for you then YOU ARE NOT THEM!!!👊

 

And you will jot have joy streaming from your soul.

Drama happens in life.

It happens to all of us.

What a high value man is looking for in a lifelong partnership and love is a woman who does not look at how she can create it but instead how much joy she can bring into life with or without him and this joy for her life also manifests into her making his heart smile by just being her.

 

💋💃🔥HEALTHY LIFESTYLE =SEXY AF! – Anyone who says that the physical does not matter is blowing smoke up your booty. We are all human and our bodies matter and anyone who counts themselves as being self-loving, accepting and high vibe that is not taking care of their temple is full of malarkey, to say the least.

 

👊Healthy eating, exercise, mindset, taking care of self and wanting to look good, feel good is sexy AF!

 

A high value man values this in himself and wants it in his partner as well.

 

Life is always about investment.

And we each get to choose where we invest.

Mumford and Sons has a great song “Awaken My Soul” where they have one of my favorite lyrics, “Where you invest your love, your invest your life.”

 

As with anything, whatever we choose to water grows.

People who choose to invest their love in health of all arenas live longer, are less sickly, have more stmina for life and sex, have healthier moods, live a more harmonic balalnced life and view things from a bigger picture mindset.

 

Those who make up the excuse of “I don’t have the time, energy, money.” DO NOT VALUE themselves nor life and will never hold a mate that values these things.

 

🔥🔥🔥I get turned-on like no other watching my man work out, eat a healthy meal and/or check himself out in the mirror as to how his arms or abs are looking in a shirt. His pleasure and care for himself shows that he values health and reveals itself in ALL other areas as well. 👈🤯🔥

 

So you say that you want 👉High Value Man👈 yet you yourself beautiful are not value the true jewels of life and relationship!🤯

 

You are still getting caught up in the immature focus points that will only ever lead you to more lessons being offered and suffering from them.

 

Become the 💃High Value Woman💃 that mirrors the man you want for and he will be called into your life with ease as if over night.

 

👉Want to learn the full list of secrets to manifesting your soulmate?

👉Ready to stop accepting less than what you are worthy of?

👉Sick and tired of letting your wounds hold back the love, sex, money and joy that you feel is yours in your gut?

 

Helping dynamite powerful souls like yourself discover love and fulfilment is what my passion is. Over the last two decades I have worked with hundreds of women & men such as yourself to call in their soulmate by aligning to their truth. I have guided countless couples not to just rekindle a love that they thought was lost, but to create an empowered turned on and fully aligned partnership based in love with 8 simple steps. If you are a woman or man who is looking for happiness, love and abundance in life and is sick and tired of just getting by, reach out to me for a FREE Clarity Call today where we will define exactly what is holding you back, what you are wanting to call in and the next best steps to achieve your desired life. Message me to set up your FREE Clarity Call today.

 

As Always,

 

Stop Existing & Start Living

 

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

WHAT MAKES A MAN BEAUTIFUL…

🌹MY MAN IS BEAUTIFUL AND I TELL HIM ALL THE TIME…🌹

 

I recall the first time I told my man that he was beautiful, he looked at me and cocked his head to the side and said, “Huh?” with a smirk on his face of love as he allowed himself to absorb what I had said.

 

I just looked at him softly and said it again,

“You are beautiful.”

 

With the second time his eyes became glossy,

his skin started to radiate a golden glow,

there was a light that came from him,

that was there but was expanded as he felt the love between us and the love in his own heart that he constituted for love that he had for me.

 

And true as that was, this love that was bringing forth emotion of great mass to his eyes as I could watch his heart flutter and stir with  his desire and passion, this love was more for himself than for me.

 

It is his love of himself that allows him to love me so deeply.

It is his acceptance of self that allows him to accept me fully.

It is his desire for health, for stability, and alignment in life, with soul and source that allows him to achieve these things with me and co-create a mature unconditional loving relationship like none I have ever experienced before.

It is his passion to live, to embrace all of life and enjoy its sweetest delicate moments that allows him to see those moments that are often missed in relationships in our commitment to each other.

 

👊👊👊HE LEADS. 👊👊👊

 

He leads our relationship just as if we were on the dance floor of life.

 

For you see, the feminine cannot lead.

The feminine in our greatest power must flow,

must be fluid and able to twirt through life in creativity.

Our purpose at our core as women in creation.

 

We are master creators.

Master manifestors.

Life births through us. 👼

And with it all the blessings that a sacred union can ever hope for.

But these blessings are not possible if the masculine  is not certain in who he is at his core nor what his direction is.

 

I relate a lot to the dance floor.

💃Especially ballroom dancing. 💃

 

I believe that any woman that believes  that she should be leading the relationship and is irritated at her man being the leader needs to do a few things…

 

👉Ask herself why she is with him if she does not support his agenda?

👉Ask herself if she trusts him and if not why?

👉 Inquire deeper to find out within herself who she believes should hold the greatest power in the relationship?

👉Ask herself if she wants to co-create the relationship and if so what does that actually look and feel like to her?

 

 

🌹🌹🌹 And depending on what she comes up with from these prompts, if she wants to make the relationship last forever and go deeper in love and trust, then to ask her man to go ballroom dancing or take lessons. 🌹🌹🌹

 

A few years back I was taking ballroom dancing,

and I was shocked at how horrible a lead so many men were.

It was quite sad in truth.

 

As I danced (and mind you I am far from a good dancer in my opinion) I noticed that many men would be too soft with me. They were scared almost to really take the lead and be firm in their stance. They could not hold the container nor pull me back into them. Causing my flow to  be greatly disrupted.

I found that I was stumbling, missing many dance positions, did not feel safe to sway and did not feel held in the chasses.

 

AND THERE WAS ABSOLUTELY NO EFFING WAY THAT I COULD SURRENDER TO THESE MEN DIPPING  ME !

 

Why?

Simple….

 

I could not trust them.

A strong feminine cannot truly lean and trust a weak masculine.

In order for a woman to surrender her heart to man she must trust him and trust in his leadership or she will not be able to surrender.

 

TRUST COMES FROM RESPECT.

 

It is based in respect that it is.

And who can respect wishy-washy?

 

Well most certainly not the feminine.

Many women attempt to “fall” for these soft men,

but they do so because they themselves are dominant in the masculine and all relationships depend on polarities.

Someone must be true north and someone must be true south.

 

Masculine and feminine.

Yin and yang.

 

Often in modern day relationships, we see more the feminine acting in the leadership role and wondering why they are so harsh, lost, discontented, aloof and unorgasmic.

 

This happens because their man is soft.

he cannot lead because he himself does not  know how,

is afraid to step up and do so,

AND because  often she will not allow him to.

 

Believing that by handing over the leadership reigns to her man that she gives up power instead of understanding the harmonic balance of yin and yang and how this is co-creation of their relationship where they each support one another through their own unique organic strengths as man and woman.

 

A man who can lead is beautiful

 

A man that can feel into his heart and lead from this space is radiant.

 

When I look into the eyes of my man and I see all his love for himself,

for me and our life that we build each day together,

I marvel at his brilliance.

 

He allows me to feel how deeply he wants to be with me.

How intensely he wants the best for our life, our union.

He shows me in his look of surrender to me through his leadership that I can trust him, he is certain in his boundaries, his direction is clear and he knows what he wants.

 

I can trust this. 

 

I can trust him because he is this strong leader.

And he acts out of a deep divine love that he lets me see in tender moments when his heart erupts with great intensity.

 

I can trust him, because I choose to surrender to his leadership and let him conquer me so that we can rule our world together.

 

He chose me for this very reason.

And I him.

 

I ask you today, reader of this page…

 

Are you ready to surrender to love and step away from the blindness based in fear of losing power by uniting with your soulmate?

 

Will you keep fighting to me the masculine my sweet woman and wake each morning wanting to ravished but scared of losing your power in allowing it to happen?

 

If you are a woman who wants depth, connection, commitment and that soulmate union but has not found it and fears losing herself in the wrong man, then reach out to me beautiful..

 

Let’s do the deep dive into who you are and what you want so that you can once and for all align and call in the man of your dreams.

 

Message me today.

 

As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”