Marriage is a profound journey that involves the fusion of two unique individuals, each with their own set of dreams, desires, and needs.

To create a harmonious and fulfilling partnership, it is essential not only to recognize but also to prioritize the needs of your spouse.

Today I spent a few hours speaking with couple’s clients on these very matters of relationship, union and love and now I want to explore the importance of this topic of “meeting or trying to fulfill your spouse’s needs” to the best of your ability and how it can lead to a stronger, happier, and more enduring marriage.

It’s interesting, but the reality is that our world is so self-absorbed in today’s time and yet we all desire and want someone to just love us, be there for us, support us, commit to us, stand by our side when shit is hitting the fan and we are falling apart, but then in the very next breath we forget that relationship, marriage in this conversation or domestic union for that matter is a two way street.

Simply meaning that if you want all of that, then you better be willing and wanting to provide it back to your mate.

You also need to understand that one person’s needs and desires are not always the same as another’s. Yes, here we have love languages, we have apology languages, and so much more.

If we desire to have a true union of the heart, mind, body and soul with our partner and not just some superficial surface level fake relationship that can’t hold together in the face of any storm then we have to comprehend the importance of at least trying to meet and fulfill our partner’s needs.

One of the primary reasons for marrying is to create a deep emotional bond with your partner. Meeting your spouse’s needs, whether they are emotional, physical, or psychological, builds trust, security, and intimacy. When your partner knows that you care about their needs and well-being, they are more likely to reciprocate, creating a cycle of love and affection.

Fulfilling your spouse’s needs is not just about addressing their practical requirements but also about showing that you genuinely understand and care about their feelings. This emotional connection forms the foundation of a strong and lasting marriage.

In speaking with Pamela today, she shared with me her struggle around being able to trust and drop down, surrender into her marriage. When we dug around a bit in the why she was feeling this, what came up was her husband’s instant defensiveness around any request that she had, making it where she did not feel valued in the relationship at all and that her voice did not matter. Leading her to not speak up any more about her needs and instead just accepting that she could not have them met and shrink herself as to not have constant arguments between her and her husband.

Her tale is a common on in relationship.

Often creating divorce down the road or cheating.

Trust is the cornerstone of any successful marriage. When you consistently meet your spouse’s needs, you reinforce their trust in your commitment to the relationship. They feel secure in the knowledge that they can rely on you, and this sense of security is invaluable in maintaining a healthy partnership.

When both partners feel safe and secure in the relationship, they are more likely to express themselves openly, share their vulnerabilities, and work together to overcome challenges. Trust and security foster an environment where love and affection can flourish.

Unfortunately, when we are stuck in “ME” mode in our relationship, we often forget how important security is for both partners. Pointing fingers of blame and shaming our partners for what they are not providing for us with little compassion or empathy as to how depleted they may be feeling from our own lack of taking care of them.

These sorts of attitude and actions of blame and shame, create communication barriers and a sense of manipulation between partners.

Effective communication is the key to resolving conflicts and understanding each other’s perspectives. When you prioritize meeting your spouse’s needs, it sends a powerful message that their opinions and feelings matter to you. This, in turn, encourages open and honest communication.

As you work to fulfill your spouse’s needs, you become more attuned to their desires, which can lead to more productive and empathetic conversations. This improvement in communication helps prevent misunderstandings and promotes a healthier, happier marriage.

all relationships require maintenance! Don’t be like my one client Phil who believed that the right relationship would not require work or maintenance and just keep existing and even thriving???? without the effort, it did not end well for him…

Meeting and fulfilling your spouse’s needs goes beyond mere maintenance; it encourages both partners to grow and evolve together. It prompts you to adapt, compromise, and work together to build a shared future that meets the evolving needs of each individual.

In a marriage or domestic union where both partners actively strive to meet each other’s needs, personal growth and development are nurtured. This mutual support creates a sense of togetherness and a shared sense of purpose that can enrich your relationship over time.

But what about just focusing on love? Why can’t love be enough to get us through? Why all the work and struggle?

Reality is that love needs to be fostered.

When you consistently meet your spouse’s needs, you foster a loving atmosphere within your marriage. Acts of kindness, selflessness, and consideration demonstrate your commitment to their happiness. Such actions create a positive feedback loop, where both partners strive to make each other’s lives better.

A loving atmosphere not only makes your marriage a joyful and fulfilling experience but also serves as a model for your children (if you have any) on what a loving, supportive relationship looks like.

So in closure here to my thought, I would love to hear your feedback and views on this subject. What have your experiences been in relationship? How well do ask for your needs to be met and how well do try to provide for your partner’s needs?

A thriving marriage is a dynamic journey that requires ongoing effort, understanding, and a willingness to meet and fulfill each other’s needs.

When we can gain pleasure and join in supporting, nurturing and taking care of “our person” as well as the ability to receive and appreciate our partners efforts to do the same for us, we have come into a mature love-based relationship that nurtures both partners for life.

Leave you comments below.

Share with someone who needs to hear this.

As always,

Stop Existing & Start Living,

Loving you from here.

Rene Schooler