EFFING SICK & TIRED OF THE WOKE, CONSCIOUS, DIVINE REAL MAN EPIDEMIC I HEAR FROM BOTH SEXES…

 

EFFING SICK & TIRED OF THE WOKE, CONSCIOUS, DIVINE REAL MAN EPIDEMIC I HEAR FROM BOTH SEXES….

 

Such utter bullshiz!

It’s a hot topic, right. 

Every woman wants just this. A man that is “in touch” with his emotions, spiritually aware, above all the other jokers out  there who are not “real” men. A man who will be strong, but not too strong because he better not effing step on her toes, be a good daddy figure, but let her rule the roost, but still know how to support and romance. 

Today we have a society of women and men who believe that this ideal that we have concocked is “good and desired” and then we wonder why we do not respect, truly love and trust our partners. We wonder why we are not happy. 

 

Pretty stinking easy to figure out. 

We have created an imbalance to the polarities of men and women. 

Masculine and feminine. 

And we have done just this through the use of becoming “spiritual.”

Gods and goddesses. 

Kings and queens.

Divine masculine and feminine. 

Conscious lovers. 

Woke society. 

 

Can’t you see it?

We are condemning our relationships through judgement, comparison and spiritual labeling as to  what is real or not. What is good or not. A man who is just being a (do I dare say it???) a normal dude, average guy, just human is no longer acceptable. Well, maybe he has never been acceptable in truth, I mean men have always had to show what they could offer, their love and ability to get into relationship and partnership with a woman has mostly been based on what value he provides, not what his heart is about, or her heart. Not about love but the value. 

Just like we women have long been looked at for our sex and ability to bare children. 

In today’s world however, women don’t need men as much for what they can bring to the financial support or safety table of relationship so they are now looking at men to be emotional support, girlfriends with extra tools to use when needed, fathers who are emotionally sensitive and don’t mind changing a diaper or staying home with the kids. 

 

In truth, none of this is bad.

Our world of today certainly requires a couple to support each other on all fronts, especially with child rearing and house chores. 

The best relationships and partnerships are always found with the mate that you call your best friend. So it is natural to have and want emotional support from your partner and even expect it more today than in times past. It is required in fact. 

 

With that said, we women tend to really mess up our men in relationships and stir insecurities knowingly and unknowingly. A lot of it has to do with the reality that we attempt to relate to our man as though he is a woman, not understanding that we are triggering him and placing judgement, comparison, and using toxic communication to tell him he is not enough or good enough. 

 

We can say all day long that he should not be so sensitive…

Lol, we want a sensitive dude that is tuned into his emotions but we don’t want him to be sensitive about our unkind communication that we are not aware of.

 

I hear so many women get frustrated with their man’s ego sensitivity. 

They quickly gaslight the situation with a pointing of the fingers to, “well he should just not feel that way, that’s immature of him.”

 

And then the true gut wrenching statements come out. 

 

“If he were a real man then he would not act/feel/say/do this or that.”

 

Or…

 

“A conscious man/woke man/divine masculine, would be mature enough to see this, tap into his enlightened whatever and shut up and feel what I am saying or how I am feeling.”

 

So this “quality” or “bracket” of man is feeling, but not too feeling, knows always what to do and say? Always puts his stuff to the side for his partner? 

 

It’s all a bunch of bunk.

And we women do not  respect that sort of guy.

 

We respect a man who knows who he is, has purpose in his life and direction, can see his mistakes, is not afraid to fail and get back up, can tap into his heart but not get washed over by emotions. We want to be protected, supported, led, seen and heard and opened up by our man. However none of this is possible if we women slam our men to the ground with such comparisons as I see happening and consistently telling them they are not good enough.

 

Recently, I have been oh so aware of my own old programs relating to men. 

I find myself triggered sometimes with my partner and sometimes unaware of falling into old wounds and loops, but then when I become conscious of what has happened I am often surprised to discover that he was triggered into a wound as well, and not by the event that was happening but by my poor choice of words.

 

I am frequently reminded that healthy communication is all in the delivery.

 

Just the other day I fell into an old wound of feeling like my partner was telling me what I felt and thought and I shot off coldly my boundary around my feelings. I told him with shortness and almost a mama bear tone to not do this. I had zero feeling toward what he was sharing and how he was triggered, thus his concerns coming up in what we were sharing with each other. I got caught in my wound and spoke from it which in turn created an unkind toxic communication back to him. Luckily for us, we are both hyper focused on rising above such things and working toward happiness instead of “being right” in a communication. So it was washed to the side pretty quickly. 

 

If our relationship were different, if we each were not always focused on developing ourselves and being as raw and real with each other as possible, and not wanting to truly hear and feel where each other are at, this would have turned out differently. 

My statement from my wound would have created a ripple effect and he could have taken it more like a command, a stern parenting, shaming even of my disapproval and thus turned that into I was disapproving of him. Even though that was the furthest thing from the truth, which would have created a backslash of emotionally immature communication to happen where we would have felt great separation and fear seep into our relationship.

 

Such statements as,

 

“Don’t interrupt me, I am….”

“Let’s get directions.”

“Oh, gosh are you one of those guys who can’t get directions?”

“Such a guy thing to do…”

“Well my old lover/partner/guy I dated always did….”

“I wish you could listen to me the way (insert male friend/old lover here) does/did.”

“Why don’t you just hire someone to do that?”

“No, I got this. I will just take it into the….”

“You’re doing that wrong..”

“You don’t know my body.”

“You don’t feel me.”

“I don’t feel you.”

“A real man would….”

“A conscious/divine/woke man would….”

 

Don’t get me wrong here. Men have a way of putting their foot in their mouth as well and being insensitive A-holes. And in truth, these statements I share here are brought on because men have not been taught how to pay attention, how to deal with their emotions, and in today’s world men don’t know what it means to be a man any longer. They are damned in all directions and it’s quite defeating for our men to just try and be “good men.”

 

I find that compassion and grace are the healing agents to figuring out how to best communicate. 

 

Putting ourselves quickly into the receiving of the statement that we are tempted to make often allows us to step back and say, “Wow, that might hurt.”

 

If we can see the judgement, criticalness, labeling, shaming or guilting of our statements then we can choose to either reword it to get our actual message across better or choose to not share, because it may just do damage and create insecurity in the person and relationship. 

 

Such as the statement of, “A real man would…”

Or “You are not doing it right.”

We women tend to tell our men they are not touching us right, kissing us right, listening to us right, making love to us right, supporting us right. However, we do it from the critical point instead of the space of communication based in love. Something I have learned is “seed planting.” When my partner does something that I really enjoy/need/want I make sure to tell him that I really liked it and how it made me feel. I compliment the good and ignore the not good. Now, if the not good is painful ( say a sexual exploration) I do not hold back from saying “ouch” or “Less pressure” or “softer.” I do not let him believe that its good when I am truly needing a change up. But my communication is closed ended and clear. I do not say shaming statements or critical judgments and I do not bring those times back up unless he says something to me. We are all human. We error. We get caught up in things and we can never know what someone else is feeling or experiencing, so there is no need to condemn the one we love for being human. This is where the grace part comes in. 

 

When looking at our bedroom life, there is no deeper wound a woman can make than to tell a man that he does not know what he is doing here. The quickest way to humiliate a man is to kick him in the bedroom with his skill, presence or stamina. All of these tell him he is inadequate as a lover, in pleasing you, bringing you pleasure and thus he is not good enough. Granted many men need some help with skill, presence and stamina, but if you focus on the good and don’t fake your orgasm but instead share how much you really enjoyed the connection, the touch, how he took his time here or here, I promise you that he will want to be his best. Men want to be their woman’s hero.

Men feel on top of the world when they see their woman in rapture. 

But fack rapture followed up with irritation and slamming him into the ground when you finally share the truth is detrimental. If you are going to share a negative with your guy, do it outside of the oment of sex or intimacy and DO NOT compare through a story of an old lover. (palm to the head). The same holds true if you are wanting more intimacy emotionally with your guy. Realize that he will only lean in and trust you with his heart and emotions if he knows that you trust him to lead. Meaning that you are not questioning if you need to stop and get directions or should hire out to do what he wants to do for you, the home, family or other.

 

Its all interwoven. 

We can not correct our man over wanting to be a man and fix things even if he fails at fixing it, and then think that he will be able to hold space for us to vent all our garbage to him and just say the right thing or have the best answer for wherever we are at the moment.  

 

We cannot compare him to friends, old lovers or others and not expect him to show some insecurity, jealousy and even distance. After all men are territorial typically, especially if they see long term with you and they  will quickly question if you care more for this other man then them or if you are attracted in any way to the other guy. They will see how you “value” the other man’s whatever and are shrinking them and their value. Creating a barrier to trust and security in your relationship and emotional connection. 

 

What we women need to understand is that often our communication is unkind to men. 

We do not give the respect and understanding because we want our men to be able to be egoless as if the ego is ever going anywhere and/or as though a man with an ego intact is low vibe, not divine or conscious and certainly not part of the woke society. What we do not realize is that we all have ego’s. And those who are proclaiming their “high vibe, enlightened” state of being have some of the biggest and they are still men, wanting what all men want. 

 

Feminine connection, physical connection, safety in a woman. 

Partnership with the right woman.

 

His ego is not going anywhere.

Nor is yours. 

Kind delivery in our communication is vital however to a happy relationship and partnership.

Learning to not compare, criticize, mother, shame or guilt are just loving things to do do for anyone we love, especially our man.

 

Our partner. 

Our soulmate. 

Our best friend.

 

Let him be your hero.

 

As Always, 

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

Ready to say YES! To your soulmate relationship today?

That’s what I have been helping countless individuals do for the last two decades and now it is your turn. Reach out to me today to explore 1:1 coaching

HOW TO GET YOUR MAN TO REUNITE WITH YOU FIERCELY.

THERE I WAS LAYING IN HIS ARMS, HAND ON HIS CHEST, HEAD RESTING NEXT TO IT.
We were entangled, like we are each night as we fall asleep.
Yet tonight I felt a million miles between us.
The feeling of isolation was harsh and cold.
I was concerned.
My heart ached.
My mind raced.
And my desire was to inquire.
I wanted to ask him what was bothering him.
At my core I knew the cause.
I recognized where the distance seeped in.
Where the armour came up.
I knew that it was not me.
Nor anything that I had done.
I knew that it was the emotional armour of protection for our relationship that was coming up and being witnessed in this very moment. And it infuriated me that this seemingly “tiny” event from an outside perspective could put such a large space between us.
Earlier in the day I felt it.
I felt it as soon as it happened.
I am far too empathic and connected to him to not feel the subtle changes in his energy and emotions, I can read him. His microscopic expressions. But most of all I feel him.
So how could I not be aware of this change.
This armour that got picked up in such haste.
Moments before we were laughing, connecting, in joy and playful with each other.
And so I had spent the day wanting to chase after him with my inquiry.
I had spent the day pressing myself ever so close to him,
quietly begging him to put down the shield that he had picked up to protect not just him but both of us, our relationship, and our love.
The thing is, the great masculine cannot put down the shield so quickly once it has been picked up.
A man, in his heart, is vulnerable with his woman.
He allows her to lead him deeper into his heart and soul,
into his feelings, his emotions. She carries him to heights that he cannot take himself alone. However, no matter how surrendered he is to her, outside pressures and threats can cause him to go into protection mode. Sometimes, the things his woman says or does can trigger his wounding from the feminine as well and cause him to retreat, armour and protect.
No matter the reason for his armouring, once he picks up that shield and sword, he is bracing for impact. He is witnessing the slightest changes in the environment, he becomes the protector. The hunter. The guardian. The warrior.
And this is his divine nature as man.
And we women…
We fear the warrior as much as we love him and desire him.
We fear the hunter as much as we need him.
We fear the protector as much as we respect him.
We fear the guardian and much as we want to be called his queen.
We do not understand how he can retreat from us.
Walk away from us.
Close down to us.
To our love.
To his feelings.
His heart.
And so it is that we do what women have been doing for all of time. We do the “typical” female thing and we chase, with our words and inquiries, our proding to understand and our emotional support. We chase him physically when he needs to escape our emotions and his own. We accuse him of not caring.
We accuse him of running from us.
We accuse him in our fear of losing him.
When in truth if we just allowed him his space he would go,
sure enough he would pull away from us and we would be forced to deal with our own emotional wounding of the masculine and of abandonment, but if we women focused on healing our wounds and regaining our own truth, becoming self-empowered and stable inside ourselves, then we would see something magical happen with his pull away.
HE WOULD REUNITE WITH US FIERCELY.
This dance of the masculine and feminine,
the picking up of armour and the guiding back to his masculine heart, can only be done through the strength of a wise and loving feminine.
My dear women, it is up to us to guide our men back to us and thus his own heart.
But not through force.
Not through chasing them.
This process is much like putting a rubber band on your finger and pulling it away. If you allow the rubber band to stretch out as far as it needs to go until it is ready to release, it will retract back to its natural state with the greatest speed and impact.
It will snap back into place.
But if you just remove the finger that was holding the tension,
holding the stability, then it just flops back into position.
And the finger is no longer part of the scenario.
When we women chase our men with a “need” to understand and out of fear, we are no longer the stability our man needs from us, nor do we create the tension that is needed for desire, love and the shields to drop. We in turn end up mothering our man and causing an imbalance in the polarities of the relationship. After a long enough time, this causes separation and distrust in the relationship.
On both sides.
A woman will never respect a man that she is mothering.
If a woman feels she has to coddle her man, he is no longer a man, he is but a boy.
And if a man is being coddled by his woman like his mother, he cannot have desire for her. If his desire for her starts to diminish he will no longer be able to view her as his queen, but instead disconnect from his heart with her as he cannot trust her to hold the tension from her side to support the relationship.
Men need to escape the feminine to recenter themselves and come back to the feminine.
They do not need their woman to be their therapist or mother.
As much as a man does need to communicate his emotions and feelings, doing so must only be done when he is unarmoured with her so that he can trust himself and feel.
FOR THE FEMININE HOLDING SPACE IS TO LISTEN HER.
FOR THE MASCULINE HOLDING SPACE IS TO ALLOW EMOTIONAL AND POTENTIALLY PHYSICAL SPACE WITHOUT THE CHASE.
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
Ready to claim your life back from suffering, fear, doubt and misfortune? Ready to call in the love relationship you desire. The abundance you crave for and the joy you know can be yours.
This Is what I have worked with thousands of people like yourself to have over the last two decades. Reach out to me today.

WHEN WE ARE WILLING TO HARM OURSELVES FOR LOVE.

WHEN WE ARE WILLING TO HARM OURSELVES FOR LOVE.
 
Or so we tell ourselves that this is what we are doing.
We say that we would do anything for the one that we love.
We say that we just want them to be happy.
We say that we are willing to put aside our needs, boundaries, wants, etc.
and often we do.
 
Then we sit back and let our love kick us in the gut with what they want.
We sit there watching them doing what they want,
what they “need” and what we agreed to but we question how it is possible for them to be alright with doing whatever it is,
TO US.
 
And what are we really wanting from our lover at this moment?
We are wanting them to put us first.
We are wanting to know that they would do the same for us.
Meaning not that they would offer the same experience back,
but that they would actually sacrifice this “thing” for us.
 
That they see us as enough.
That they desire us, just as is without whatever else they may be wanting.
We want them to see our pain and then not want us to be in it at their hand, so prevent it. Protect us.
 
We want to be the MOST IMPORTANT THING.
And yet we are so often quick to set aside ourselves and allow the space for our mates, our lovers to be themselves. To enjoy what they need and want, to get the healing that they need however they need…
and we do it willinging at the cost of our own self-esteem and respect.
 
Sadly once we humans start to allow our respect and esteem to be stripped away in relationships, we lose ourselves and in doing that we lose the intimacy and connection we once had to self and our partner thus we lose the relationship.
 
How can we expect our partner to respect us if we do not respect ourselves enough to set a healthy boundary and know when we are a NO?
 
So instead…
 
Not wanting to control our love.
Not wanting to be conditional.
Not wanting to appear weak or jealous.
We say yes.
 
A death sentence to most relationships.
Pain and bitterness build up with a sweet smile of fake acceptance and a nod of fake approval.
Our emotional bank accounts go in the red with each pain stabbing event that takes place,
and we wonder over time where the love went?
We wonder why it’s never enough giving and accepting?
We wonder when our pain will come to an end?
 
Or if it ever will.
Believing that we are strong enough to withhold,
we attempt to stand strong and support our partner.
 
But an empty beam has no strength to support anything substantial.
 
In the name of love we exhaust ourselves until we break.
 
THIS is the tale of so many love stories gone wrong.
In working with thousands of couples over the last couple decades I have repeatedly been witness to this traumatic saga.
 
There is hope.
There are solutions.
You can repair the shattered hearts and ego’s.
You can reconnect at a deep soul level and recapture trust and respect in your intimate relationship.
 
But it requires a desire to step out of the comfort and lies you are telling yourself that you are doing this for your love.
 
That this is what love is even.
 
Love is not about sacrificing yourself to the point of no return.
Love is not about denying yourself respect in a relationship.
Love is not about embracing constant pain from your mate.
 
A healthy, harmonious love relationship understands that we are in a relationship to heal at a deeper level.
It understands that we both enter a relationship with baggage and that that baggage will get triggered repeatedly by our mate.
It sees this, accepts this but knows that loving communication that is focused on problem solving NOT being right or understood is key to a successful, happy and soul connected relationship.
It knows that saying yes when we are a no of any level, will do more damage than good.
 
It does not play games of take away,
it does not hide from its truth or from confrontation.
It comes to the relationship wanting to connect deeper,
to love deeper and to expand in that love.
 
Relationship is said to be hard,
I believe that relationship is easy.
It’s not difficult getting into one,
It’s not even that difficult to get out of one.
What’s hard is communicating our authentic YES and NO and having faith that it will be accepted by our loved one.
 
What is even more challenging is consciously hearing in love our partners YES and NO.
Relationship is a clarifying tool to our lives,
It helps us to see who we really are, what we really want in life,
Where we have been settling for so little and how much expansion we have still to gain from.
 
True love centered relating comes from putting our ego’s to the side to the best of our abilities and wanting to hear and feel where our partner is at in any given situation. It is sitting in compassion with ourselves and our mate, not in pity, fear, shame, guilt or blame.
 
Realize that in times you fear loss and pain in your relationship that you are stepping away from your heart space, you are no longer hearing yourself or your partner authentically because your ego has run away with your ears and mouth. You are ten steps ahead of what they are trying to share because you are not being present with them or yourself but instead are assuming you already know and are trying to solve the problem alone. You did not arrive here alone! And you will never solve the problem as long as you are acting from the energy of the problem.
 
Look into your heart today and see where you are stepping away from your heart, away from your relationship and love and allowing yourself to act from pain.
 
How is this serving your relationship?
 
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
Ready to claim your life back from suffering, fear, doubt and misfortune? Ready to call in the love relationship you desire. The abundance you crave for and the joy you know can be yours.
 
This Is what I have worked with thousands of people like yourself to have over the last two decades. Reach out to me today.

ARE YOU GUILTY OF CHEAP TALK? IT COULD BE WHATS DESTROYING YOUR RELATIONSHIPS.

TALK IS CHEAP! AND IT’S PERVASIVE AROUND YOU.

 

“I am here for you.”

“Let me know what I can do.”

“I got your back.”

“Yeah, I totally agree.”

“I see what’s been happening, where you are at, what you are saying, etc.”

 

There are so many things that we tell others with little to no meaning behind them.

We speak these statements with good intent often,

but we don’t understand the value of actually following our words up with action. Sometimes the action is just more words of support, or helping one find answers, or just simply holding space for someone who is going through a rocky time in life and needs to have that space. Other times, it means that we need to follow through with supportive action to those words.

 

Recently in my life I have had an onslauth of what you could say shiz going down in my personal life.

 

I find myself standing here not thirty days into a new year amazed at everything that has occured over the last ninety days.

Some mornings I wake and find humor in the events,

realizing that you can’t make this shiz up.

Hollywood would pay a mint for the tales I could tell.

And then other days I realize that it’s just life,

my soul wanting to expand who I am and strengthen my vessel so I can become everything I desire and live that unbound beautiful life I know is mine.

 

And then there are the days that I wake in total frustration.

Anger.

Fear.

Judgement.

Bitterness.

Anxiety.

Exhaustion.

 

And I wonder why me?

Why now?

How much more does God think I can carry?

And WHY do the people in my life not see it? hear it? Why do they just keep wanting more from me in the face of everything else?

 

No matter how I wake,

what I have been blessed to witness is a reality check in my relationships. Revelations on no matter who we are, we are all human at the end of the day and our humanness when overtaken by our ego is extremely superficial and self-centered, even when we attempt to support and give love.

 

We blind ourselves and ignore others’ needs and desires, even though we can see what is happening in their lives and how at the end of a string they may be. How close to crashing they truly are.

 

And we do this NOT because we don’t care or cannot understand,

but because we want what we want for ourselves.

 

So we act as though we did not see.

We claim they did not communicate clearly.

We say they never told us.

We spout back, “Well I tried but you would not connect, answer, etc.”

 

YOU WERE NOT CLEAR ON WHAT YOU NEEDED FROM ME.

 

We push back the blame to the other.

Not wanting to see ourselves and how in these times we disregarded what was right before us with our loved one for the sake of our own self-centered needs and wants.

 

If we were to get real with our words,

and to honor them and have the self-respect and respect of the other parties as well, we would stand behind our word.

 

UNDERSTANDING THAT OUR WORD IS EVERYTHING.

 

This is not just some old school statement that our word makes up our character.

It’s not just a line from Scarface or the Godfather,

John Wayne and Clint Eastwood are not the ones proclaiming the strength of a human is in his words.

No.

But I tell you that our word is all of this.

Our word is OUR CHARACTER CHECK POINT.

Our word is our STRENGTH.

or our weakness.

 

And when we say that, “I got your back.”

 

It should not be a light matter.

These words should come with an understanding that in them we are denying the self for another.

 

That we are willing to sacrifice our short term desires, needs or wants to fully support someone else and to stay aware of what is happening with them and in their lives.

 

Unfortunately, the majority of the time this is not what will occur.

The reverse is actually true.

We will state that we are supportive,

and then we will take the opportunity to bulldoze over our loved one to get our needs met instead, all the while pretending to be blind to it all. Pretending that if they had just spoken up, made it more clear, done their part that the boundaries would not have ever been crossed.

 

OUR WORDS ARE OUR RESPONSIBILITY.

Meaning that with them we take responsibility for who we are and our actions and reactions.

 

Responsibility to being consciously aware of situations, people and what is truly needed despite our self-centered desires to get our own needs and wants met.

 

THIS IS UNCONDITIONAL LOVE AND SUPPORT.

Anything else is empty.

 

Making our words,

our actions,

and us as a human weak and untrustworthy.

 

What do your words say about your character in a relationship?

In life?

 

Want to have deep, committed, trusting and loving relationships in all areas of your life?

 

Then it’s time to stand behind your words,

and realize they are your strength or your weakness.

Your words are your bond.

Without them you have nothing.

 

 

As Always.

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

Want to learn the secrets of a dynamic powerhouse relationship?

Overcome the drama circles and superficial ego based relating game that you are so used to? Reach out to me today for 1:1 opportunities in mentorship now. Limited space.

 

WOMEN WHO ARE BAD IN BED SHOW SIMILAR SIGNS.

WOMEN WHO ARE BAD IN BED SHOW SIMILAR SIGNS.

Sex is fucking fun to me.
If with the right person that is.
I can be really fun and adventurous in bed and I can be boring as well.
It really depends on how into the person I am,
if I am caught up in my head,
if I can trust the person I am having sex with and to what level,
if I feel like they can handle all aspects of me.
and of course the chemistry, the connection, that energetic spark.
If it is there then I am more than likely going to be far more “fun” than if I am trying to create a spark that is not really there for whatever reason,
like seeing how great a guy is or how awesome a catch he is but not having that natural primal spark.

When I have all the stars aligned,
and am with someone then it’s certainly adventurous and playful,
There is communication happening from body to voice and desires are shared and asked for.

Which I have found not a ton of men expereince in sex with women.
I have been told repeatedly by just a few hands full of men,
lol… we are not getting into my body count today.
That I make sex extra enjoyable.
That my partner can feel me fully with them.

So I decided to start to inquire with my current and past lovers about this topic to get a greater depth,
wanting to know what it is about my sexing and relating style that keeps guys hooked for decades and knocking at my door to see if I am open to more with them. What has landed me with many men wanting to commit so eagerly?

Here is what I came up with:

WHEN I AM INTO A MAN I TURN UP MY KISSING –
I have been told that I am a bad kisser by a few guys over the years, or meh kisser, nothing special and I have been told that I made a guy cum just from a kiss and left mystery and desire with a kiss. The difference that I have figured out is my openness to the man and my attraction to him, my desire for him. If I am not feeling it then I am a shitty kisser, and if I am feeling it then get ready for mind blowing. I believe that this is true for many people of both sexes however. Then there are the people who are just crappy kissers in general, they have no rhythm, they show no passion, they do not know how to get fully engaged in a kiss. An old lover/friend of mine who is from the UK always has told me that I understand snogging, (kissing with intent). I believe that this is a key secret to mind blowing kissing, can you make your partner feel as though you are ravishing them in bed just by kissing them? Women who suck in bed cannot.

I LET MY LOVER KNOW WHAT I WANT IN BED NON-VERBALLY PRETTY GOOD… AND IF HE DOES NOT GET IT I SPEAK IT!
When I have good or great chemistry with someone then our non-verbal communication is on point. I have learned and have pretty much always been that woman who is not afraid to take a man’s hand or cock and put them right where I want, let alone wrap myself however feels best to me and grind how I desire. Recently an old lover/friend of mine said to me, “You know you are a switch.” For those of you who are not familiar with this term it means that I switch from dominant to submissive in sex. And yes I am just that. I love a good power play in bed. It also requires one to have pretty good non-vevrbal communication skills and a sense of playfulness and confidence.

Women who are bad in bed have trouble communicating verbally and nonverbally. They fumble and feel insecure, often presenting a rag doll or limp noodle version of themselves because they are uncertain as to how or what to do. Women who cannot communicate non-verbally in bed are not good at increasing sexual tension through their eye contact, body language, breathing and actions. I have found that non-verbal communication in bed is a great sign as to how good chemistry and energetic connection is with a partner. One of my longest sexual relationships would always share with me that he loved how our bodies engaged and I always moved with him in perfect rhythm.

I AM EXTREMELY VERBAL ABOUT MY SEXING AND DESIRES, PAST, PRESENT AND WANTING FOR THE FUTURE.

I read awhile back about a study done about women who could not talk about sex opennly and how that related to their sexual confidence. It was stated that open relating about sex showed a persons comfort with their sexuality and desires. Which would also lead to a sign that someone is more likely to be fun and tuned into sex better. I have heard from many men over the course of the years how they wish women would share more about what they want, need and desire sexually and how so many women shut down around actual communication or questioning. Funny how us ladies will talk to our girl friends about what is happening in the bedroom but we won’t talk to the people we are actually having sex with in such candid fashion. Women who talk about sex are more confident in bed. Not to mention sex is just better if you can get a little vocal and not freak the fuck out about someone hearing you or what anyone thinks.

I LOVE BEING NAKED AS WELL AS CLOTHED.
Sexual confidence can be seen outside of the bedroom and it is not just about nudity, however it certainly can show up here most because women in general have a massive amount of body images. Self included. But can you let go of the insecurities that you have and surrender to the moment. Can you learn to truly love yourself no matter your imperfections. A woman who shows signs of insecurity in other areas of her life will more than likely have insecurities in the bedroom. If she is struggling with money, health, body, feeling worthy or lovable, then you will see this come out in her sexing as well. She will struggle to drop down and be able to connect at any real level. Your sexing will feel shallow with her, making for a poor lover.

I LOVE AN ADVENTURE.
Adventurous women are sexually fun women I believe and so I have been told by men. Just the other day a man looked at me and said, ” You are one of those fun women.” This was said after we had shared a deeply profound and passion driven few hours together without any sex. When we are open to experimenting, to play and adventure in our lives we are more likely to explore in the bedroom as well. Having sex in the same manor all the time, getting into the same routine or not being open to oral sex, exploration of any sort shows a person who is boring in bed. Women are more known to shut this arena down then men, making for a dimmer sex life.

SEX IS ABOUT HUMOR AS WELL AS PASSION.

I laugh a lot in sex. I laugh about the very human things that can take place such as queefing, passing gas, burping, sweating and accidents that cause things to break like your bed or a lamp. When I have had a few orgasms I get a real high and laughter rolls from me easily in my sex, I giggle like a school girl as I am cumming sometimes and may throw myself into a sneezing fit, I have been known to cough or sneeze my partner right out of my body as well as squirt so much female ejaculate that the whole bed had to be replaced ( that happened for reals in Mexico one time). Sex is messy. There is no space for OCD, there is no space for fear of being human, and there is no space in good sex for insecurities around sex related humor. I am very serious when I say if your woman is playful then you are more than likely going to have fun in bed, if she is overly caught up in fear of being seen or making a mistake then you will most likely not be happy in bed with her.

A woman who is passionate about life will be more likely to show passion in bed as well.
If your woman is lost in life and uncertain about who she is or her life purpose, then she will show this in bed too and be uncertain and cautious with her passion. She may even not be able to feel passion in sex as it is such a foregin things for her.

WHAT YOU EAT YOUR PARTNER CONSUMES TOO.

Diet and exercise. OMFG! Don’t get me started. This is vitally important and I cannot image sex with a woman who does not take care of her diet and exercise being very pleasent let a lone good. To put it simply, why would you ever expect your man to desire you sexually if your pH is all sorts of out of whack, making your vaginal juices and body odor to breath nasty. What we eat plays such a big role in our sex and as I just recenlt told one man, ” Clean eating is sexy.” Our diets say a lot about our overall health, emotional and mental as well and physical. Eating healthy helps to stabilize hormones and guarantees a healthy gut which is where 80% of our immune system comes from. Eating shit foods causes yeast infections, bacterial infections and more. Not fun for sexing for sure. And exercise provides us with the ability to have better stamina and flexibility, so that we can comfortably maintain a playful moment with our partner.
Women who disregaurd their health for whatever reason are uncaring of their sex as well.
An older lover of mine would often say to me that I had a pampered pussy. When I asked what he meant by this he shared that he loved going down on me because he knew how I pampered her with my diet choices, hygiene and exercise for my whole body as well as my vaginal exercises that I consistently do. He made it clear that he loved what he was enjoying and he shared it was not normal.

I have heard from many men over the years that they are fearful of going down on a woman because of hygiene and bodily smells and tastes. This applies to men as well, no fun for us ladies if you guys are not conscientious. Clean eating is fucking sexy!

Okay, so there is my little share from what I have learned from current and past lovers.

Everything shared here pertains to men as well.
A man who is good in bed will be aware of these things as well.
Where a man who is not good in his sexing and does not have the consciousness to be aware of these things will prove to have all the same challenges that a woman does who sucks in bed.

Making your sex life gourmet has more to do with your confidence, ability to find humor in life and let things go, play and explore, be adventourous and knowi yourself as well as a desire to take care of yourself and communicate then it does with what you choose to wear, what your body figure is actually like, your age or how great you deem your physical skills.

A great lover knows that CONNECTION is primary,
COMMUNICATION is secondary,
and KNOWING YOURSELF AND LOVING YOURSELF is key.

How do you rate your sex?

As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

October Asskickery Month is almost upon us.
Are you wanting to make some changes in your life, love or sex?
Want to take action but do not know where to start?
Need a swift kick to get what you want?
Reach out to me about this global opportunity to have that F-ck Yes Life that you are wanting for now.

 

Random Morning Conversations – Pedophiles to Compliments That Trigger.

There I was sitting on my bed naked with my morning cup of coffee when he said it….

 

I know what he was saying was to be a compliment.

I know that what he meant was that I was amazing and that he loved me.

I logically understand.

But that’s not how it translated after it got grabbed up by a wound from my past.

 

Okay so let me explain about what I am saying here.

You see in my house we have this thing,

“Morning Conversations”

and you simply never know where these conversations will go,

nor how they will get stirred up and be birthed either.

It is drastically different each day.

 

Yesterday morning,

after some decent sexing,

I found my lover and I in bed,

I was naked drinking my morning cup of coffee,

I opened my phone and saw something on all the pedphillia conversations that are currently bouncing around. It struck a chord with me instantly and I shared with him my utter disgust and anger on the concept that pedaphillia should be accepted as a representation of love. I showed him an image that is being put up in Denver, Colorado right now of a rainbow background and silhouette of a man and small child that might be four years at best chasing butterflies, the image says, 

 

” Pedophiles are people too. Because Love is Love.”

 

My share to him on this topic was that yeah, pedophiles are people too, but having sexual feelings or engagement toward a child, especially a small child is not love and that a child does not have the emotional/mental or physical maturity to understand. These “people” are stealing not just the innocents of our children but actually causing emotional/mental and physical damage to the child.

 

And that sure AF is not okay and  is NOT love.

 

After that conversation and agreement on the topic, I told him I needed to get to work and write a musing for the day and that my topic was going to be,

 

“My boyfriend would be perceived a sex addict if he was dating someone else…”

 

To this he smiled at me and said,

 

“If you were with you, you would be a sex addict too.”

 

And this is where it all went dark folks.

In his compliment he unknowingly triggered an old wound.

Now an average and normal woman would have said something coy, kicked the statement out without too much attention, or done whatever she could to change topics if she were triggered,

but not I…..

 

I paused,

took a deep breath and allowed myself to feel the trigger.

To feel this wound that just got scratched.

I looked at the wound,

identified that it was not in current and that he had no ill will in his statement.

However, the truth was it triggered me.

And I did not want to spend my day retracted from him or life in general with this trigger and wound playing tennis in my psyche.

So I spoke up.

I said,

“That was a triggering statement you just made.”

And then I shared why.

I shared that four years prior when I was in an open relationship,

I found myself in a threesome with my primary two lovers,

who’s intent was to create a yummie experience one day for me where they would both ravish me and we would play and enjoy one another.

However my ex got so excited he did not apply the time or attention needed to my physical body that I needed him to take.

Even though I was highly turned on,

my physical being was not caught up to my mental and emotional turn on for the experience.

And he quickly grabbed a glass dildo with no lube on it and penetrated me with it,

unfortunately it was rough at entry and because I was not organically lubricated yet it tore the delicate skin of my vaginal lining,

leaving me feeling torn and burning for days to come.

He did not take much time going down on me as he was too excited about the whole event and penetrated me quickly after removing the glass dildo.

His hast and excitement level created the scenario of him being a two pump chump in this moment,

and he came so quickly that I barely even knew what had happened.

He then looked at me and said,

 

“If you were not so hot I could withhold it better.”

 

Again, I believe that his intent was to compliment,

but what he actually was doing was blaming me,

making me responsible for his inability to last,

to be in control of his body,

his thoughts and feelings,

his sexual energy.

And he tossed his power over to me and made me responsible.

My feeling after hearing this was,

” I need to not be me.”

I felt like if I did not moan that way,

if I was not playful like I am,

If my body did not look like this,

If I was not open the way I am,

If…

If…

If…

 

Then he would be able to stay with me longer,

last longer and I too could engage in pleasure in these moments.

It was my fault that my partner has premature ejaculation issues.

 

Fast forward to current moment and my partner telling me that if I was with me, I would be a sex addict too….

 

This too speaks that I am responsible for my partners thoughts, actions, desires, habits, feelings, etc.

 

He is not responsible.

He is innocent and cannot help himself.

It’s my fault for being me the way that i am that causes the issues,

So what should I do if I am not okay with an issue?

 

Well I need to shut my shit down.

I need to not be as turned on.

I need to guard my moans.

I need to go limp.

I need to not engage in sex.

I need to not dress this way or that.

I need to not be as playful.

I need to change myself so that he can handle being around me.

 

But THIS is not what men want their women to do in truth.

And most men don’t actually believe that it’s the woman’s fault that they have weak stamina or high turn on.

Not fully that is.

They do however blame her to a degree,

just like she takes responsibility.

 

It’s because of how we were raised.

Girls are told from a young age that we are responsible for how boys look at us.

How they speak to us.

That if we wear yoga pants then we are at fault for a guy thinking things or desiring things.

If a girl or woman gets raped or any sexual harassment then its her fault typically because she was asking for it based on her looks, choice in clothes, attitude, playfulness, how she blinked or smiled, etc.

 

And guys are told that,

“Boys will be boys and that they cannot help it.”

 

This all steals one’s individual power from them. 

Men become disempowered by escaping responsibility for their own consciousness or lack thereof, their feelings, desires and actions, they get to turn away from and hand the reins of power over to the woman. 

 

Women lose their power by believing this responsibility transfer and shutting themselves down, changing who they are so to not cause issues. 

 

I believe that Namaste Moore puts its so well, 

And her statement is true for ALL subjects of our life.

 

“People who are not conscious about their OWN power will always sound the alarm about other people’s power. People who recognize their own power… understand that no one has power over them and they have power over no one else. Freedom.”

 

It’s easy to see the truth in this statement when we look at some of the political and world topics of current, 

But can you see its truth in our sexing and relationships as well. 

Because it’s there too. 

 

In owning that we get triggered, 

In speaking up about what is stirring in us as to prevent separation from self and thus another and life, 

We reclaim our power. 

In pausing on our words and asking ourselves, 

“Is this a statement of love or of fear?”

In looking at what our words are actually speaking, 

Because often we try to compliment but in truth a transfer of our power to another is happening. 

And when these transfers in power happen we create chaos in our relationships, 

In communication we thus create contrast that feels uncomfortable because we are not consciously processing and taking responsibility for our own inner shadow lands. 

 

Today look at your relationships. 

Look at your sexing. 

Look at your expectations and desires. 

And ask yourself if you are owning your power or handing it over to someone else?

 

As Always, 

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Want to learn how you can claim your power and have a turned on life and relationship?

Reach out to me today for deet’s on couples or individual coaching now.

Let’s Get Real About What Define The Relationship Really Means.

 

“I like you pretty good, let’s see where this goes.”

 

Maybe I have commitment issues some would say,

and I have been told this from past lovers.

They were convinced that because I refused to be labeled,

because I refused to DTR ( define the relationship) that I was not good with commitment.

 

They could not just accept my looks of love and desire for what they were.

They could not accept the sweet and tender vulnerable moments shared for what they were,

They could not just go with the passion shared and the hours and days or even weeks spent enthralled with each other.

 

No, they wanted the MF LABEL.

And for some reason, the label is what made everything real.

Not the actual effing relationship that was presenting itself each day, each moment.

No, they could not trust that.

They needed the words spoken,

just how they wanted to hear them too mind you,

for it to actually be real.

 

Nothing mattered but the label.

 

And because I am a person who understands what labels are actually about,

I have a really tough time getting down with defining any relationship for that matter.

 

And here is why.

 

You see labels and definitions of relationships have NOTHING to do with love or commitment for that matter.

 

They don’t have anything to do with trust either,

and they are not offering any more security for either party as well.

 

What they do is allow us to compartmentalize the relationship, cause separation because now we segregate this relationship from the rest of our lives.

 

Labels allow us to define what the relationship “should” look and feel like. How it “should” play out and what the expectations are within the pretty little box that we have put it into allows for.

 

Labels are often asked for because one party or both are wanting validation for their existence and level of importance in the relationship.

 

This validation gives a false sense of security.

Which makes the partners feel safe and believe that NOW since the relationship has been properly defined that neither party will step out of the box that it has been filed in.

 

And that is what DTR is all about folks.

Validation of self through another, false security and control.

 

Because with this DTR what we are wanting is the safety ultimately of knowing ( well believing) that our partner is now “OUR PROPERTY” as defined by the label provided.

And of course they are down with abiding by the rules of this definition.

 

Funny little note, most people just assume that other people’s definitions and rules of the label are exactly what their own are and never stop to discuss these important things with the person that they are trying to do a relationship with and get a label on.

 

In my opinion,

(and maybe…. just maybe… I have worked with just a few couples over the last few decades) that one of the major reasons so many couples are not satisfied or in full alignment with their partner is because they miss this vitally important conversation on the front side.

 

The conversation around, “Why do you do relationships? And what are your needs/desires/expectations within a relationship?”

 

Can you imagine if we started having these inquiries between ourselves and our lovers?

 

And what if….

what if our lovers answered authentically.

 

OMFG! That would be amazing.

But often because so many have limited worth and self- esteem issues,

they find themselves needing to feel safe through the validation of their partner instead and therefore answer accordingly to get the result that they want from their partner instead of being truthful and having a truly intimate conversation around their differences.

 

All relationships at some point come to a place where the definition sorta just manifests organically.

But it is an energy that a couple will grow into as time and depth in the relationship is established,

not some words stated because partners feel pressure from what they have been told is important to ask for come date three or month six, or whatever the f-ck timeline you are working on.

 

If you are among the many people out there that feels that need the label to lean and trust more,

or to not have your jealousy anymore,

or to be able to be more vulnerable or intimate with your partner,

and believes that the label is a sign of love,

then you truly need to explore what your definition of love really is about.

 

And ask yourself if this label is truly what you are wanting or if you are actually requesting to set up agreements with your partner as to what your relationship rules are and are not.

 

Then ask yourself how this desire to label and set up these tidy little box homes for your relationship to get cramped in is actually serving the relationship or your supposed love for this other person?

 

What if you became extremely present with your partner and chose to focus on all their good traits each time you were together?

 

What if instead of fearing them doing something that might destroy the relationship, you chose to commit to look for how well they are showing up in it right now and how much beauty you are enjoying with them right now?

 

What if you opted to actually practice authentic unconditional love with them and just wanted to enjoy them in all their radiance because your desire for them was to be that person who can hold loving space without a need to contain their soul and own them?

 

What if you chose to just allow them to be them and you to be you?

 

What if you choose consciously to come into the relationship each new day as though it was a new relationship that you were excited and appreciative of?

 

What if you started to define your relationship by saying,

” I like you pretty good, let’s see where this goes.”

 

Can you imagine how much more depth, love, compassion, witnessing, love, trust, and joy would come through your partner and the relationship?

 

Or continue on your path,

you know the one.

The one that has you believing that controlling your partner and defining your relationship and owning them as property in any f-cking fashion is LOVE.

 

And enjoy all the trauma that creates and the broken expectations and pain.

 

Because that is the result when we attempt to control the human spirit and not allow others to live authentically.

 

Not to mention,

When we do this it is only supporting our fear and at our core we feel the out of alignment that is caused with God and our soul.

 

Level Up Your Love Now.

 

And Remember,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Want to level up your relationship or learn more on authentic relating skills that can rekindle, ignite and bring average relationships into Enlightened?

 

Reach out to me about my Passion Coaching for Couples Program today.

Are You Hiding From The Truth In Your Relationship?

Retraction.
The holding of the breath.
The gripping of one’s fist.
Fidgetting.
 
What we expereince when something is shared that we don’t want to hear.
 
It can be hard to hear our partner speak about what they are feeling. How they are thinking. Or the challenges that they are having in the relationship.
 
It can be terrifying at times and make us question if the relationship will survive.
It can make us feel weak,
defeated, not enough, lost even.
 
When our partner throws a verbal dagger at us,
whether they know it or not,
it hurts.
 
And we find ourselves tossed between gratitude for finding out and a desire to not know any more.
To just make it go away.
 
The gratitude is our soul telling us that this is what is needed,
if our partner had not openned up and shared then that would mean that the relationship was already dead and it was just a matter of time till we discover its corpse.
 
This is what happens frequently however,
so often couples carry on and one partner is blind and deaf to the truth of what state the relationship is in, until it is too late and then they scratch their head in confussion of , “How is this possible, I thought everything was good?”
 
If we lean into the desire to make this pain go away and to not hear it anymore,
we may find ourselves retracting our love to our partner.
We may find ourselves just simply disregaurding what they are sharing and moving along as though it never happened.
Hoping that if we don’t talk about it or give it attention that it will change on its own.
 
This is detrimental to the releationship, however.
Making excuses up as to why you cannot focus on this right now, saying that this is the wrong tme to bring it up, saying that its all in our partners head or that thats not true, are all statements sharing that you do not value your partners feelings, thoughts or heart and that you are more caught up on the gut punch and how bad it was of them to make you feel this or to ask for something.
 
This is also detrimental to the realtionship.
 
The ONLY path to choose in this instance “IF” you desire to keep the relationship that you have and to make it strong and happy again is to PAUSE and listen without denial, without hiding, without excuses or fighting.
 
This is what is referred to as
“holding space.”
 
Coaches and therapist’s do this all the time for their clients.
The answers are often formed through the venting,
the sharing, the allowance of the feeling.
 
As a couple, if you desire to take some bad news shared and turn it into gold, then this is the sapce to start in.
 
If you close the door to the communication,
if you get angered or bitter about the sharing,
if you go into attack mode,
or allow your fear to control,
then you will find yourself pushing your partner further away.
 
Communication is the key to holding a relationship together.
Communication is the key to healing a relationship.
Commincation is the key to building trust, intimacy and love.
 
But communicating means listening without judgement or a need to be right or change what someone else is feeling or thinking.
 
Comminucation also means presenting a safe space where your partner feels permission and safety in speaking what they need and that their words will be heard and acknowledged.
 
Commincation means sharing your truth.
Sharing what you are feeling, fearing, troubled with, needing, not liking, liking, loving.
 
If you want a turned on, empowered relationship then you have to move away from surface level relating.
You must be willing to hear it all and hold that space for self and your partner.
 
You must be willing to offer what is going on with you and INQUIRE about what your partner is expereincing,
 
Most relationships today do not do this.
They believe that they do,
but they don’t.
 
Most relationships accept the answer of,
“I am good. I am fine. We are good.”
 
The simple truth is that relationship requires work, time, energy, truth, compassion,communicating, stepping back from a need to be right.
 
If you don’t take the time right now to share with your partner or to hold space for your partner to share and actually listen to what they are sharing, understanding that every share is valuable, then what you will discover is that your relationship will end.
 
If you claim that you love your partner.
Claim that you love your relationship.
Claim that it is the most important thing to you.
That it and them matter.
 
Then let it be witnessed through your actions of taking the time and making it priority.
 
Without shame.
Without guilt.
Without anger.
Without retraction.
Without accusations.
 
But with LOVE.
 
If you think you don’t have time to do this,
then I promise you that you will find a time that it will not longer beasking for your time.
 
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
Message me for 1:1 couples and individual coaching availble world wide and/or group coaching focused on this and more.

Why Women Don’t Trust Men.

Tears that cannot be seen are still tears felt.
 
Often I meet people in some of the most difficult spaces of their lives.
They come to me in thier wounding,
in their fear,
in their bitterness and revenge.
Trauma masks them from their truth.
They are lost.
And with thier lostness they have comfort.
 
It is this way for anyone who has experienced pain.
And the pain much of the time is rooted in our thoughts of ego,
which continues to trap us in a nasty loop of past fears, thoughts, feelings and expereinces.
Due to this loop we feel comfort, but we never feel fulfilled or happy as well.
 
Abandonment is one of the the major culprits to this pain.
To these tears that are unseen.
 
Abandonment happens when we least expect it too, does it not?
 
Last night I was having a discussion with a close friend about this very topic. We sat over a bottle of guava rum and had some deep dives into vulnerable shares around relationships and how we could each see a pattern in our past relationships with men. The men that touched us in such a power way, the one’s who openned our hearts, expanded our thinking and taught us incredible lessons about our lives and who we are as women.
 
I sat there and shared about the four past relationships that I find most significant and that I can say that three of them I was deeply and still am today even (if I am real with you and I in this moment) in love with. These men awakened the woman that I am today. And I am ever grateful for them blessing my life as they had.
 
All four of these relationships, professed their undying love for me.
They all asked me to marry.
They all went deep into my heart and soul and penetrated me like no other. Each built on the one before,
taking me into new relams of love.
Oh the stories I could share, and have in other musings.
These four men,
they changed my world forever and taught me to love.
 
They also crushed me in ways that I am sure none of them ever intended of.
Their words of, ” I will fight for you.” – ” I love you unconditionally and want nothing more than your happiness.” – “I can see forever with you.” – “I would NEVER do anything to hurt you.” – You are my world.”
 
Yes, these words as if from a storybook romance,
so lovely, so enticing.
So real for the moment they were spoken,
were the words that also crushed me after a period of time.
 
These words became poison and what they all loved – me,
they tried to kill in their own way by severing through retraction, removal, disposal and even physically action down the road of our relationship.
 
Now, here is the thing I want you to get from this musing:
Was there pain? yes.
Is there still pain? In moments, yes.
But I am more in gratitude than pain at this point, some of these relationship I speak of were from 20 years past even.
Some just a few years back.
It is the lessons, the patterns that I see and want to share with you today.
 
All four men chose to say good bye.
All four shared this pattern in that good bye,
the pattern of not speaking their integrity.
 
They chose to hide from me,
from thier hearts truth.
They chose to lie to my face day in and day out,
even when I inquired directly about what I was feeling from them.
They chose to run and hide instead of face me and say goodbye with clarity and heart.
They chose to abandon.
And this lack of integrity,
caused unfinished business between us,
and shame for them.
They supported my programs of:
 
” I am not good enough.”
“I am unlovable.”
” I am disposable like trash.”
“I am not worthy of true love or even truth.”
“I am not worthy to have someone fight for me.”
“I cannot trust men.”
“I am not safe.”
 
What I see often in my couples work with clients are all these programed statements and beliefs in women and the men not underestanding why she feels this way or what he has done to cause it.
 
I tell you sweet men of the world,
it is your lack of integrity.
 
When you do not stand in your truth to your core,
when you waiver,
when you hide like a little boy behind your mother’s skirts,
you support these fears of the feminine.
When you tell us that all is well, when it is not,
you support these fears of the feminine.
When you take without care,
demand that she gives you her sex, her heart, her smile even though she is not a yes,
you support these fears of the feminine.
When you do not stand in her fire but instead try to coddle and fix,
father, shame, guilt, or teach,
you support these fears of the feminine.
When you shut down your heart to hide from us,
when you close off and retract your love through ignoring,
you support these fears of the feminine.
 
When you promise what you have no right to promise,
making firm statments of forever,
preaching your unconditional, undying devotion without the understanding of what you are actually saying,
you support these fears of the feminine.
 
And most of all…
when that moment comes,
if it does,
when you know that she is not the one,
you choose to say goodbye as a coward,
without an eye to eye meeting of the hearts,
when you ghost,
go distant and even turn it into her fault because you are not man enough to stand in your truth,
 
Yes my sweet men of the world….
HERE, here you create these fears of the feminine.
 
The advice I have for you,
is simple.
 
Realize that abandonment does not happen at the moment that you choose to walk away,
your abandonment happened long before,
it was in the very first stages of your lack of integrity.
When you chose to not speak it and be it,
you abndoned not just her,
you banadoned yourself as well.
And this is why she cannot trust.
This is why she cannot surrender.
This is why you will find yourself repeating the same issues with a different women in your life.
 
If you want to have your woman fully,
learn to stand true in who you are.
Even if you do not have an answer for her in a moment,
or unable to fix what has gone astray,
if you feel lost in your emotions,
speak just that sweet man.
 
“My integrity in this moment, is that I don’t know.”
 
Whatever your truth may be,
she will respect and love you for it,
if she knows that she can trust you.
 
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
Message me for deet’s on learning how to create an authentic relationship based in love, integrity and desire.
*Photoe credit to www.photographyinwonderland.com

Are Your Relationship Idea’s Making You A Prostitute?

Every woman wants a guy to have a rockin’ resume!

I mean all of us want that night in shining armor.
We want him to be tall, dark and handsome.
We want him to be rich.
We want him to be generous and compassionate.
We want him to be romantic and a good listener.
We want him to be world traveled.
We want him to be intelligent.
We want him to love our bodies as they are.
We want him to love our minds and hearts more.
We want him to just get us.
We want him to be passionate and playful.
We want him to be confident.
We want him to act like a grown up and take care of his responsibilities.
We want him to do everything right in the bedroom.
We want him to be a good kisser.
We want him to appreciate everything that we do.
We want him to respect us.
We want him to worship us.
We want him to be everything that we want him to be and just get it without us ever having to tell him what we want.

I mean if he just paid attention and was present,
if he inquired and asked the right question at the right times,
then he would know.

If he listened then all would be right in the relationship.
That is of course as long as he never pushed us to do or be anything that we did not want to do or be….

And he just accepted what he got for all that grandness that he is offering up.

Now we live in a world where sugar babies, paid hook ups and lies are just a way of relating.

We live in this world where if a woman wants something at work that she pretty much can get it for the right price.
And smart, well educated, go getter women EVERY DAY pay these prices with “respectable” bosses and elite men in power to advance themselves.

How can this be?
How can this be a designer relationship that anyone is happy with?
Its merely based in the man getting a place to stick his junk occasionally and release somewhere outside of the palm of his hand or the toilet and in return for this the woman gets taken care of financially or gains promotions, business advances, networking deals, or simply a monthly payment and some gifts and travel.

Either way its what many relationships for both single and married people are like.

I know many very affluent people who have mistresses of this nature. And I know many married women as well as single women who are gaining power and success in business and finances this way.

And its not even looked down on.
Where I live in North Texas just outside of Dallas,
its almost assumed that if you are a woman in her 20’s or 30’s that you have at least one if not two or three sugar daddy’s supporting your lifestyle, schooling and goals.

It is the sin that is not spoken of,
but is expected if you had an open raw unfiltered conversation with almost any man who makes decent earnings and if you sat with any woman who was “dating.”

That’s why such websites such as whats your price, sugar daddy, seeking arrangements and others of this nature are growing at the levels that they are.

So the question comes,
“What is the turn on to this style of relationship?”

Because obviously it may appear empty of true connection, love, friendship and a desire to be long standing. It is simply based on two people using each other to meet their needs.

Or is it?

Just last night this very topic came up on a double date I was on with a good friend. And as we conversed about it, the statement came around that these sort of relationships may perhaps be great examples of people doing what they “should” be doing no matter the relationship.

In such relationships, people:

* ask for their needs to be met
* set boundaries and non-negotiables
* discuss what the relationship is and what is not
* communicate about what is working and what is not
* keep a certain level of detachment
* lean in and trust the other to meet the proposed agreement
* don’t try and fake who they are or what they are there for

Unlike today’s marriages and committed relationships where both parties typically:

* don’t talk about needs unless they are fighting about them
* don’t understand boundaries and the only non-negotiable that is ever discussed is cheating
* Assume that the other side knows what they want from the relationship and assume they know what their partner wants
* don’t communicate about issues until its too late and therapy is needed, resentment has happened, one or both parties are feeling abandoned, misunderstood
* Think that co-dependency is love
* Have trust issues and use guilt and shame to try and control the other, the relationship and events
* Fake who they are and what they want on the front side of a relationship to get the relationship committed, then end up faking their intimacies with their partner and not willing to be authentic or have their partner be authentic
* Give surface level connection all the while saying they desire depth

Sounds exciting huh?

Yet it’s the truth of relationship in today’s world.

Today’s relationships certainly have their challenges no matter what labels , guidelines they may have set for them.

At the of the day what I want to focus you on is authenticity.
A good relationship is NOT based on that want list that a woman has.

A good relationship is not based on financials and quantity of sex or how adventurous the sex is even.

A good relationship,
a turned on, supportive, loving relationship is based in truth on the list that people who entertain “paid” relationships set.

The most important one being COMMUNICATION.

Because communication,
no matter how difficult it may be,
is the foundation to everything else.
The communication however, needs to be REAL.
And it needs to come from a centered place of KNOWING THY SELF first.

This will provide a level of maturity,
understanding and presence that the majority of people never achieve in their relationships.

But when we offer this sort of authentic relating we can then feel into the who we are even more, grow and expand mentally, emotionally and allow our partners the same.
We limit our expectations.
We speak our needs.
We respect boundaries,
and we take responsibility for our happiness.

Here is the ground to create a successful relationship based in unconditional love and respect instead of ego and need.

How does your relationship ideas, goals and ways of relating line up?

Are you exploring authentic relating or something else?

As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

Message me for deet’s on creating an authentic relationship, no matter its current status TODAY.