In the realm of modern dating, the winds of change have swept away many traditional gender roles and expectations. The shift towards equality and shared responsibilities has led to a reevaluation of various aspects of relationships, including the question of who should foot the bill on dates.
However, there’s an alternative perspective that suggests men taking the lead in paying for dates isn’t solely about equality, but rather about honor, chivalry, and demonstrating a desire to provide and protect their partners.
Yesterday I posed the question on social media of “should men pay for dates, social activities and courtship things during the courtship phase of relationship” and there was a vast array of different views on the topic.
Some people professed that if a woman expects a man to pay for everything that it is a sign of childishness and low conscious thinking, while others said that the most important thing was equality and by going Dutch on dates and events was a sign of equality and valuing each other and other’s said that it was the gentlemanly thing to do and the only way it should be.
Some of my favorite comments from this POV inquiry were:
“If a man wants to create masculine polarity with the feminine, I’d suggest he take action, lead the courtship, and step into the provider role.”
“Fully integrated masculine energy provides, plans, and protects during courtship and beyond. The radiant feminine energy receives and appreciates with warmth and openess. This is balanced polarity. A relationship can’t be successful without balance. One partner embodies the feminine and the other embodies the masculine… Yin and yang. I prefer men to be in the masculine.”
The reason these are my favorite comments to share with you here is because of two-decades of working with men and women around love and relating at ALL phases of the relationship and what the major obstacles are in relating as time goes on between a couple.
Unfortunately, we live in a time that is damning traditional values and relating.
We are more focused on the concept of the self then we are on what the “entity of us” and what it truly means.
We enter relationship fighting for equality and waring with a potential partner over who foots the bill and what it might mean. Believing that if we women expect or allow a man to lead in this fashion that what we women are doing is sacrificing our personal power and sovereignty and that we are not bringing value to the relationship nor are we being valued as a human but instead becoming a prostitute in the relationship.
The flip side of this is seen years down the road when a couple is living together or married and the polarities are all sorts of fucked up. All too often, and I mean like 80% of the time and in couples where the woman consistently fought with the man on such issues and the man caved and let the woman step more and more into the masculine energy and provider role, the end result was a lack of desire, respect and deep connection.
In these instances, I have seen many women say:
“He never romances me.”
“I have to plan everything and be the one who is making it happen.”
” I love him, but he is so weak of a man.”
“I just don’t desire him anymore.”
“I don’t feel safe in the relationship with him any longer. There is no emotional connection.”
” I feel used.”
And I hear the man say:
“I feel empty in my relationship.”
“She never lets me do anything for her.”
” I question what purpose I serve in her life.”
“I don’t feel desired anymore.”
“Her softness and feminine beauty has just left for some reason.”
“She does not like romance, so I stopped a long time ago.”
A few people said that entering a relationship correctly was the important thing, and to thing I fully agree!
But what is correctly?
And is what is correct for one correct for all?
Are we truly being childish or expectant, low consciousness if we lean on traditional ideas of courting and who foots the bill?
Or are all of these things nothing more than judgements made about others who are simply not our people, that we are not aligned with for intimate relationship and what our “style of relating” is?
Could it in fact be a case of dogs and cats trying to date?
Today, I would like to share some views on why men paying for dates and courting on the front side of dating and even the majority of the time throughout a relationship is valuable and needed for so many people and how it is not about equality or even a lack of value of the woman or making her a prostitute, but instead a strong polarity that upholds a beautiful container of love, caring, respect and honor of the divine masculine and feminine dance in relationship.
8 Views to Consider on the Value of Men Paying for Dates
1. Respecting Tradition: Throughout history, men have often been seen as the providers and protectors in relationships. While this traditional role has evolved, there’s value in honoring the roots of courtship. Paying for dates can be seen as a respectful nod to those historical dynamics, allowing individuals to connect with their past while navigating the present.
2. Chivalry in Action: Chivalry, often defined as courteous behavior towards women, holds a place of reverence in the realm of dating. Paying for dates can be considered an embodiment of chivalry, showcasing a man’s intention to treat his partner with respect and care. This act of courtesy extends beyond financial matters to demonstrate thoughtfulness and consideration.
3. Expressing Care and Protection: For many men, the act of paying for a date is more than a mere financial transaction. It’s a symbolic gesture of care and protection towards their partner. This sentiment conveys that they are invested in ensuring their partner’s comfort and well-being, both emotionally and practically.
4. Creating a Comfortable Environment: The act of taking the lead in dating can create a comfortable environment for both partners. While equality is essential, it’s worth acknowledging that the dating landscape can be complex and sometimes overwhelming. Men stepping into the role of initiator can provide a sense of stability and assurance, making the experience more enjoyable for everyone involved.
5. Demonstrating Dedication: Paying for dates is not just about covering expenses; it’s a tangible way of demonstrating dedication and commitment. By investing their resources, men show that they are willing to put in effort and make sacrifices to nurture the relationship, fostering a sense of trust and reliability.
6. Cultivating Connection: The dynamic of men taking the lead can actually deepen the connection between partners. It allows for a dance of reciprocity, where both individuals appreciate each other’s roles and contributions. This interplay of energies can enhance the sense of mystery, excitement, and attraction in the budding relationship.
7. Embracing Personal Choice: It’s important to note that the idea of men taking the lead is a choice, not an imposition. Each relationship is unique, and the dynamics that work for one couple may not work for another. The essence lies in embracing the freedom to choose roles that resonate with both partners, fostering a sense of authenticity.
8. Shaping Future Traditions: As society evolves, so do its traditions. By infusing modern relationships with elements of traditional values, we create a bridge between the past and the future. Men taking the lead in dating can pave the way for new traditions that embody equality, respect, and the spirit of partnership.
Like one person said directly in my POV inquiry, “This is an important first Relationship Agreement.”
And when dogs stop trying to date cats and vice versa then the feeling of being used or always dating the wrong person who may appear to believe themselves entitled through an expectation of dating etiquette can be released to a true higher perspective that there is no right or wrong here, it is unique to the individuals involved and that so often we are attracted and wanting relationship with someone who is “NOT OUR PERSON.”
This view takes away judgements and ego, and is fully allowing and filled with gratitude that we discovered this early on instead of years down the road like so many of my clients.
Discovering your own internal ying/yang and then finding your match is what is important.
While the concept of men taking the lead in dating and paying for dates may seem at odds with the push for equality, it’s crucial to recognize the nuanced nature of relationships. This perspective goes beyond financial matters and delves into the realms of honor, chivalry, and the desire to provide and protect.
Ultimately, the key lies in navigating the dating landscape with authenticity, open communication, and a deep understanding of what resonates with both partners.
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As always loving you from here.
Stop Existing & Start Living,