LOVE BOMBING + GASLIGHTING = NARCISSISM.

 

LOVE BOMBING + GASLIGHTING = NARCISSISM.
What we may perceive as romance, or sweet gestures to share how much someone is into us or wants to honor us might actually be signs that they are narcissists.
Yep, you read that right.
But, Kendal, a narcissist, does not give a rats rear end about anybody but themselves. They are self-centered and stuck in the ME, ME,ME way of existing and they have the mentality that everyone should feel the same way about them. They have zero to no empathy or concern about others so WHY would they romance me, or do an obscene amount of kind gestures?
It is true that the word narcissist comes from the tale from Greek mythology about a young man named Narcissus who fell in love with his reflection in a pond. However, a true narcissist’s nature is to guarantee that you provide them what they need. Which is worthiness, love, adoration and to be the center of your attention.
THEY NEED YOU TO SEE THEM.
Because the reflection is not enough.
Because it is not fulfilling.
And they have an inflated ego, and as is the case with inflated egos or anything, there must be something to support and keep the inflation there or it will lose its luster.
The narcissist, typically subconsciously goes about trying to achieve the love needed from others because they do not know how to love themselves fully and are too empty to even understand what they could do to feel complete without the manipulation of others.
In their pursuit to gain your attention and be center stage, they believe that they have to first show you what you would be missing if they were not there. So they try to swoon you in an attempt to win you over. They come on hot and heavy often with what is referred to as love bombing. And throughout the relationship, when you wake up to some of your senses and start to question why you feel so drained and out of balance in life, they will quickly swoop back in with some love bombs to further confuse you.
Because you see the BIGGEST characteristic of a true narcissist is not the lack of empathy, however that is a major player, but it is the game of manipulation and gaslighting. Consistently making you feel off balance and question yourself.
There are many ways that narcissists go about confusing their prey but for today’s topic I want to address the term, “LOVE BOMBING,” as it makes being in a relationship with a narcissist ever so difficult to leave.
Narcissists are typically pretty intelligent, they are good at reading you. They can pick up on when you are starting to pay attention to the manipulations and seeing them for what they really are and in these moments they will, “Love Bomb,” you so your heart goes all a flutter and you you believe that they were just having a bad week at work, it was family trouble, health issues, their hormones, stress of one nature or another or just simply a miscommunication. They will have you believing in no time, or at least contemplating that perhaps it was not them, but instead you that was seeing things and acting out of place.
They do this through gaslighting, as they are masters of it.
What is gaslighting you may ask. Its something we hear so much about in today’s world, its a keyword for sure to be searched on, but here is the basic breakdown to assist you in recognizing your happy love bombing narcissist in action through gaslighting. Realize that these things will most likely occur with flowers , wine, a beautiful dinner or trip that was unexpected, or just snuggling on the couch or chatting where you believe that you are being heard and seen by them but in truth, the stage is only getting set for them to make you question reality.
🤯5 SIGNS OF GASLIGHTING NARCISSISTS ARE MASTERS OF
1.They tell blatant lies, they may say it was a white lie, a lie of omission or even that you misconstrued their words or the event, but it’s still all the same.
2.Deny they said or did it, EVEN THOUGH there is evidence. Yes they will go to the grave telling you it is not so and that you are mistaken. They will attempt guilt, pity, shame and anything that they can to make you believe differently than the evidence right before your eye’s.
3.They will use what is near and dear to you as ammo against you. They are masters at playing take away. If you don’t see it their way then they will take their ball or yours for that matter home with them and give you the space that you are asking for, see how much they care? They will also attempt to sabotage you through people close to you by talking smack, sharing secrets and revealing their “concern” for you as though they are wanting to help when in fact they are just setting a stage for you to look and feel crazy.
4.They wear you down over time. THIS is possibly one of the most used and overt things that a narcissist does. How they go about wearing you down comes back to the love bombing, and the using what is near and dear to you as ammo. They are patient MFers and they will just sit and wait for their prey to forget all the “stuff” back there that they were manipulating. Understanding that time has a way to get us to not see clearly and forget the details that were getting them busted.
5. They throw in positive reinforcement! (AKA Love Bombing) and empathy, support, caring, being kind, being sweet, giving space, etc. And they do this as a way to confuse you. They understand that confusion weakens people. So they will love bomb you as well as gain positive reinforcement from others who they have aligned with them in “concern” for you. That is where you will hear such statements as, “ You are overreacting or are crazy.” – “They will tell you that everyone else is lying to you and that they are not liked by the others in your life, that’s why these things are being said/done and the reason youa re feelingthe way you are.” – They will reach out to those they have been aligning with to get them to support these things and further question yourself.
What is love bombing you may wonder?
10 SIGNS YOU ARE BEING LOVE BOMBED BY A NARCISSIST
👉They lavish you with gifts. Yes, that is correct. They will be excessive, they will buy jewelry, trips, the finests of fine and work hard to impress you. Which as a stand alone is nothing to fear, and can just be romance from a partner that wants to honor and adorn you, show their appreciation and love and share beautiful experiences with you. However, the love bomb narcissist will do this pretty much out the gates to win you over and not try and get to know you as much as win you. UNTIL – You don’t give thanks and appreciation the way they deem fit, then they will take their lavish gifts home with them and remove evidence of them as it will cause them too much pain to have the memories..
👉Compliment rich! Never without telling you how great you are, beautiful, smart or awesome. The love bomb narcissist will feed off of the understanding that we all can use a pat on the back, appreciation, applauds and a pick me up. The love bomb narcissist cannot help themselves. You can do no wrong and make no error with this soul. -UNTIL you do, and then you don’t care about them and you have misconstrued everything. Then the tides will tip.
👉Bombard you with calls and texts. Or love letters or letters of appreciation. Again we all want and need communication, connection, and support, however the love bombing narcissist will give it in excess and expect it to come back the same. After all, they are doing it out of love and concern for you and the support of the relationship, so if you do not hold up your side of the excessive “communication & appreciation” then you are the one who is being selfish.
👉They want your undivided attention. Love bombing narcissists HAVE TO BE THE CENTER OF YOUR WORLD. They will find competition with all other relationships that you have in your life. And they will assure you that they are not competing, but are just wanting connection. They will find drama or create drama to make sure that your focus is on them at all cost. If you are not giving them the adequate amount of your mental, emotional and physical time then they take this as a sign that you do not care and that YOU are the one suffering from a lack of empathy, no matter what is going on in your life and world, they are the most important thing in it.
👉They try to convince you that you are a soulmate. I love this one. I have been “the one” and had a “stream of consciousness” supposedly with so many people that I think that my eyes might be stuck in the back of my head from all of my eye rolling. Seriously though, the love bombing narcissist is INSISTENT AF that there is a unique and special connection between you and them and they are willing to go to the greatest of measures to prove it. So just do yourself a favor and start feeling it like they do, why don’t you. ( Know that in true soulmate connections or where you feel that you are on the same wavelength with another in emotion, thought and intention that both parties will feel and think this and there is zero need to convince or point to things to make it obvious, you just know. Never allow someone to tell you how connected you are to them if you don’t feel that connection yourself.)
👉They want your commitment & they want it NOW! Love bombing narcissists demand your loyalty and commitment, they want to know that you are there for them and they will tell you all the ways they have your back. This will show early on in a relationship and only grow stronger in the demands for you to commit the way they desire for you to show up as the relationship progresses. There is no conversation about what your style or needs around commitment is. It’s only what they deem right.
👉They get highly upset when you place boundaries. This is a big sign of a narcissist in general. If you want to see a narcissist go stir crazy, act pathetic, and wounded like you cannot imagine and even become deathly ill, or literally get mad AF and have a manic break, set your boundaries and they will tell you how wishy washy you are, how they don’t understand you, and how you must really be going through things because this just came out of nowhere. They will attempt to make you believe that your boundaries somehow are causing them all their pain and suffering and that you “should” reconsider your actions if you REALLY cared about them.
👉They are overly needy. We hear about how needy narcissists are, well the love bombing narcissist is even more excessive in their need for emotional support and physical time spent with them. They are what you might refer to as “high maintenance” and may even appear as though they have an anxious love attachment style.
👉You may feel overwhelmed by their intensity. Love bomb! Love bomb! Pay attention to ME, ME, ME. Are you mad at me? What’s wrong? Here I thought you could use this. Yes, all of these things and the constant demand on your time and energy may cause you to feel overwhelmed. No relationship of any definition should require you to feel overwhelmed and exhausted or have you questioning your own sanity (unless the person is actually deathly ill and needing constant support, this is not a reasonable expectation in a relationship).
👉You will feel out of balance and unsorted. Love bombing narcissists and narcissists in general drain you of your vitality. They make you question who you are, what you are doing and feeling and this tends to leave you in a state of feeling lost in yourself, empty and unbalanced. You may have trouble focusing, getting your work done, setting goals, sleeping or just decompressing because the demands from the narcissist relationship never feel to let up.
So all of this and for what?
So that they feel worthy and lovable.
Yes, the narcissist at the end of the day is the saddest one in the relationship, because they are a soul who cannot find peace and love from within and believes that these things can only come from outside of themselves. As you will someday most likely set the boundaries needed and apply the distance required for your own healing from this relationship, the narcissist will be left starving and dependent to find yet another to prey on so they can see the beauty in their reflection once again.
For they believe that the image they see cannot be true without another seeing it as well.
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Want to learn what makes you available for the narcissist relationship and how you can overcome calling them in? Discover how you can recover your heart from these relationships and how to see the writing on the wall before you enter a potential new one. DFW peeps explore my June 5th workshop on these topics and for a more comprehensive healing and coaching ask me about my 1:1 around thi dating and relationship epidemic now.
Photo credit DandelionImages

TATTOOS, GUNS, TENSED MUSCLES… THE SECRET TO DESIRE.

TATTOOS, GUNS, TENSED MUSCLES…
Just a few things I viewed while brushing my teeth this morning.
Watching my partner kneeling in the closet, taking ammo out of a shotgun, his tattoo partially showing.
His focus.
The look on his face.
All so perfect.
So protective, loving and strong.
I stood there simply appreciating him.
And it is these appreciative moments that build our turn on,
our desire.
Those moments where you take someone in when they are not knowing that you are,
like watching your partner shower or cook.
Watching them radiate when they are doing something that they enjoy or are so very good at.
Watching them parent,
laugh or sleep.
Often these are not “big moments,” they are not things that are out of the norm or uncommon to any given day. However, when we slow down and they strike us in our witnessing of our partners we are captivated by the soul.
They take us to new levels of deep love with our partners.
They ignite us and create desire.
These snapshot moments allow us to see our partners in a brilliant light outside of our relationships and all the ebbs and flows of it.
Research has shown that couples feel more drawn toward their partners at times like these because we are allowing ourselves to truly see the soul expression of our mates instead of just getting caught up in the day to day grind of life, family and responsibilities.
This space that is created in these times is where desire often stems from.
And desire is something that so many couples long to restore or to captivate once again but have no understanding of how to achieve.
You see when we first come together there is space between us.
We live our separate lives, we have times and experiences apart where we are creating life and who we are without our partner right by our side consistently.
Then when we get more serious and committed with a partner we have a longing to eliminate the space. We want to experience everything we possibly can with this other soul and we hungrily try to do what we can to achieve just that because we want to know them at a deep cellular level, we are fascinated by them and at the same time want to allow them to see all of us as well.
However as time goes on, this lack of space often creates a complacency in the relationship. We start to take our partners for granted because we know them so well, and our nature as humans is to get settled into a pattern in our lives and create habits around them. We stop looking at our partners as though they have anything new to share with us or we with them.
And desire diminishes and fades.
Add In children, work, bills and many other sidetracking things that exhaust us as individuals and as a couple and you can easily see how and why so often couples start to question if their partner desires them any longer or where their turn on went for their mate.
The common belief is that if we were to just have more sexual intimacy then things would be better and more connected. That desire would creep back in.
The issue is that to have penetrative heart centered sex you must first desire each other and want for the depth of connection.
You must look at your partner as a wonderland of new experience in that moment, not assume that you already know everything there is to know about them and just think that quantity of engagement is the key.
Desire is a mental and emotional longing first.
It comes from our hunger to explore our partner in all facets.
Then from that space the primal nature and physical desire to connect is birthed.
Much the same as our desire to get healthy.
Our desire to be successful or wealthy.
Or anything else.
At first we look at the thing we are desiring with awe, because we do not have it or we do not understand it fully. So we know that we must educate ourselves about it, explore possibilities of how to remove the space between where we currently are and having the thing that we desire.
And like anything of this nature,
once we obtain it it’s shiny newness wears off and our desire to play with it, enjoy it, delve deeper into it over the course of time and experience starts to dwindle.
UNLESS…
We consciously become aware of how desire is kept strong and prevent ourselves and our partners from falling into this common ground of relationship complacency.
But to do this we must want for an empowered relationship with our partner.
We must desire depth.
We must desire truth and honesty.
We must desire playfulness and trust.
We must desire heart centered alignment,
and we must understand that desire at its core will only be able to hold strong if our partner KNOWS that they are primary in our lives.
From this foundation we can create the space required for the embers of desire to once again be harnessed and emerge.
Want to learn the secrets to a desire based soul united relationship?
Reach out today to speak with me about my 2021 Ignited Couples Mentorship now. Limited space for this exclusive private couples training. Message me now or comment in the comments for deet’s.
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

What Fear, Anxiety and Pain Are Saying To You.

My heart felt like it was being crushed.

My chest had a weight on it that no matter how I tried to calm my breathing,

no matter the stretching and massaging that I provided my chest,

the pressure and constriction simply would not stop.

There was this low grade level of anxiety rising in my system as I could feel my body fighting with me.

 

But why was this happening?

I was not fearful of travel.

I was not feeling out of sorts with my lover who was sitting right there with me.

There was nothing that I could consciously come up with in this moment that would support the pain that I was in.

 

Fast forward a few hours….

 

We had landed. Gotten our car. And made it to the fauntleroy ferry in West Seattle. I was feeling far calmer now then just a few hours prior in the Uber ride to the airport.

 

However as soon as our Jeep rolled onto the ferry and we got parked the overwhelming feelings of being crushed and the anxiety made themselves known again.

 

Breathing deep as I could in the moment I quickly walked myself to the upper deck of the ferry and called my breath as I looked out over the harbor to Vashon Island. The wind encompassed me with the soft smell of sea salt in it,

the waves crashed up against the sides of the ferry, the sun let me feel delicate moments of warmth on the skin that was revealed and here I was in this moment,

 

crumbling.

 

There was no reason in this moment to stand here on this ferry and cry,

yet the tears came anyway.

And as they did the release into whatever was holding in my chest and begging me to let it go left with them.

 

Here on the ferry overlooking the water I surrendered to the unknown.

I let myself go into what logically made no sense.

 

I was happy.

I was excited to share my love of Washington with my lover for a few days.

I was feeling relaxed until I was not.

And my mind wanted answers.

My mind wanted to become Sherlock Holmes and figure it all out,

make reason for the pain,

the fear,

and my holding of it.

 

But my soul and heart understood its truth.

 

My body and mind had been arguing you could say.

They were not in alignment.

And THAT is what was causing me to suffer.

 

 

WIthout realizing it I was not surrendering to the beauty and release of this trip.  I was holding onto an old concept,

I was holding onto the version of me who used to live here in Seattle all those years ago and STRUGGLE in life.

who missed so much of the greatness of this place.

 

Here I was 15 years later, holding onto these fragments of self.

Not letting myself release fully into who I have become.

Who I have grown into being and the life that I have today.

 

The fear of the old me was actually creating physical pain in the current.  The old thought programs and beliefs around money and relationships that I use to try to exist in life were being unmasked in my energy and my current state of who I AM was being asked by my old sabotaging thoughts and ideas to lay down and shut up.

 

HA!

 

And here was the significant constriction that I was feeling.

The feeling like I could not breathe.

The feeling like my chest was going to explode and my ribs were being broken from the inside out.

The agony in my gut.

And the intense headache that came with it all as my whole being just wanted to flee the idea of this trip I had planned.

 

I was not surrendering to me.

I was not surrendering to this moment.

I was not surrendering to life or what it was blessing me with.

And I was not surrendering all because of an old concept and old beliefs that were trying to make themselves current.

 

I was out of alignment.

 

The issue with my alignment was causing me the pain and the fear.

 

The only thing that could save me was my own surrender into the depths of the unknown,

into self.

into this moment.

into this experience.

into life and what it was offering me.

And as I did so,

the tears streamed down my face,

the wind whipped itself around me,

the waves crashed against the ferry boat,

the sun shone through the clouds and asked to warm my skin,

and I took a deep breath letting it all go.

 

My world was right again.

My body let go of everything that it was holding,

and it let go of the need to falsely try and control what it could not control.

It let go of this moment in life and allowed the moment to JUST BE.

 

BEAUTIFUL.

Without question.

Without a need to know what was going to come next.

Without the need to hold onto the moment and ask that it never change or leave.

My SOUL was again in the driver’s seat,

and in it I was aligned.

Fully feeling.

Fully embracing.

And ENJOYING.

 

Some would look at moments like this or times that they feel these same constrictions and fears, anxiety and “gut reactions” as signs to turn and go another direction.

and sometimes they can mean just that for sure,

However often they are signs that we are on the tipping edge of everything that we desire to be birthed into our world and our old versions of self are there testing us.

Asking us if we are sure that we truly want everything that we have proclaimed that we do.

 

Many people at this moment misread what their body, mind and emotions are speaking to them and they turn away from EVERYTHING.

 

They will say,

“That’s just too risky.”

“I need to see it to believe it.”

“I need to know that this person is as invested as I am.”

” I don’t want to hurt so and so or get hurt.”

“Timing is wrong, I can feel it.”

 

And they step away from life.

They step away from some of the best moments of living.

They turn away from the experiences that will grow them into that next version and they do it all in the name of “having a feeling.”

 

They do it based on logic.

They do it because they look at the suffering and pain,

the anxiety as a symbol that THIS IS NOT THE PATH.

When that is not at all what is being said.

 

Your SOUL is saying this FEAR that you are having right now is here telling you that THIS….

 

THIS is the perfect path that will transform you into that next beautiful version of who you were born to become.

This fear that you are having is here because you have control issues and life is not for controlling, it is here for you to love and enjoy,

and in your loving and enjoying of each delicate moment and your release into the unknown you BIRTH YOURSELF.

 

And you BECOME.

 

But you must SURRENDER.

In the small moments as well as the big ones.

Because the universe/God is not looking at the size of the moments,

but at your ability to be in alignment with SOURCE.

 

IN ALL.

 

That is the meaning of FAITH.

That is having CERTAINTY that you will always get what you want for and need.

That is how you make MAGICK in your life and THRIVE.

 

Can you surrender to life?

We are all being asked to do just this.

 

As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Message me for deets on the Magick Minute.

What You Want For, Is Already Yours. – Here Is How.

OMFG! Do I ever have the travel bug up my butt!

Here I sit, the sun is out,

it’s freaking beautiful outside,

and my soul,

which likes to hop a plane every 5 weeks or so to go somewhere in our world is stir crazy from just popping around the back yard, a few parks and lakes and hanging with my closests peeps.

 

I am sure you can feel me on this.

I just want my feet in the sand,

or to breathe in the crisp air of the mountains,

or hike through a rainforest.

I don’t need to go popping through a city or even a village and meet new peeps.

I need mother nature,

and I need it outside of my own backyard.

I need to be set free.

 

And I am sure you do too.

 

But you see, freedom is not something that we gain from the outside.

Much like love, compassion, empathy, worthiness, or forgiveness,

freedom does not come from the outside first.

It is a feeling.

Just like all the other feelings I just listed.

 

And if we focus on the feeling,

and we just enjoy it for what it is,

and that is what we want,

then we already have at any given moment what we desire.

 

But we tend to get caught up with saying that we want this feeling…

 

whatever that might be,

or we might even go as far to claim that we already have it,

and say that we are so grateful for it,

but when it comes down to it,

we are looking for the results of something physical to happen to support that feeling that we were playing with.

 

And that’s just the issue.

We play with our feelings.

 

We don’t just have them and enjoy them and let them be the seeds to the life that we want,

we play with them and toss them all about,

then as with anything we are playing with,

we get tired of them,

or we drop them and…. oops, they shatter.

When we drop a feeling we do it by taking our focus off of the enjoyment of the feeling just being with us and start to look for physical evidence of the feeling,

such as the money in the bank,

the lover in our bed,

the return of a healthy body,

etc.

 

And when we do this,

crash… the feel leaves us and we are left with doubt.

We are left with fear.

Because now we fall back into the concept that we have to have this outside “thing” to be the feeling.

And if that “thing” is not there then obviously we cannot be the feeling we want.

 

So we attach our feelings to objects and relationships.

We attach our joy and happiness to these things and we steal our beautiful life from ourselves when we do this.

 

I will not lie,

I want to travel. And I want to get out of dodge quickly,

I am antsy as all heck.

And I will most likely book myself and family a VRBO on the gulf of Mexico sometime in the next two weeks.

Cuz, that’s the way I roll.

But, until that, I am not going to focus on the not happening right now in the physical aspect.

Because the reality is…

 

MY LIFE IS EFFING AMAZING.

and I am free.

 

I am free to think the thoughts that I want.

I am free to think and feel good vibes.

I am free to increase my vibration.

I am free to smile.

I am free to laugh.

I am free to grow.

I am free to enjoy the people that I want to enjoy.

I am free to delight in life.

I am free to share my joy.

I am free to focus my attention to the life that I am calling in and the life expansion that I want for.

I am free….

 

Because I feel free RIGHT NOW.

And it will stay such as long as I keep my focus on feeling it NOW.

 

So luv…

 

IT’S EFFING TIME!

It’s time to cut loose.

It’s time to say lets get a move on.

It’s time to open up and stop feeling so much reservation about everything.

It’s time to know your power.

It’s time to stop being fearful of everything.

It’s time to make some shit happen.

It’s time to call it all in and live it.

 

It’s time.

It’s your time.

 

It’s time to own your freedom.

Own your worthiness.

Own your lovability.

Own your power.

 

 

But you have to be willing to want for it enough to let yourself have it right now,

because THAT is the only way you will ever attract it in physical manifestation.

 

Are you ready to set yourself free?

 

Lets Go.

 

And As Always,

 

Stop Existing & Start Living

 

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

You were born worthy of so much more than what you are allowing right now.

 

It is time that you say YES to you.

 

Join me in a 4 week 1:1 mastermind intensive to learn the 7 keys to creating the life of your dreams no matter the chaos of the world.

 

Message me for deet’s now before the special ends on May 3rd, 2020.

How Prince Charming Looses His Charm.

How Prince Charming Looses His Charm.
 
Alright gents,
here is a little musing that you need to read if you have a lady love or you ever want to be in a relationship with a woman and keep it sizzeling.
 
Relationships on the front side can be so playful, adventurous, passionate, hot, caring, supportive and can make you feel like the other person “just get’s you.”
 
This is how we start.
In the beginning we are focused on discovery of each other,
we are focused on courting and sharing.
We are facinated by this person that has walked into our lives and we find ourselves being deeply vulnerable and open with them.
 
It’s beautiful.
And we feel like this is love.
 
In fact it is NRE – new relationship energy.
After a period of time however, this NRE starts to dwindle.
It dies down and we start to meet the real person,
which can be nice but it can also shed some light on all that we had not noticed and that we don’t align too as well.
 
On top of that, with the NRE dwindling down so does the sexual chemistry.
 
What was once a hot turned on relationship with ton’s of playful sex and intimacy,
can quickly turn the corner to boring and dull,
effortless friction based sexing.
 
Then unfortunatley,
both parties allow for this to happen,
making excuses along the way for why it is,
 
“Work has been exhuasting.”
“I am just tired all the time.”
“Kids and family.”
“We just can’t find the time to squeeze out anymore.”
 
And with the excuses years pass.
 
As time goes on,
and connective turned on sex becomes less and less of a thing, the bonding chemicals between the couple become depleted. If one partner is still getting orgasm while the other is not (typically this shows up as the man having an orgasm and the woman going months or even years without) then bittnerness and frustration start to form.
 
 
If we look at the typical relationship out there,
what ends up happening is that the sex becomes what is referred to as ABC Sex – Anniversary, Birthday and Christmas. And for some “lucky gents” they get it once or twice a month. Believing that this is just how relationship is to be, that this is couplehood, its normal, its natural.
 
And that the relationship is still doing good.
 
But what they may not understand is the subtle change in personality in their female partner.
 
The once bubbly, playful, connective, confident woman who could light up a room is now sour to life, irritable, moody, depressed, tired, sick and insecure.
 
Again excuses get made.
 
“Its money worries.”
“Its exhaustion over the kids.”
“Its her age.”
“Its this disease that she has.”
“Its her work stress.”
 
And with this sublte personality change your lady love goes from looking at you as her prince charming to viewing you as her keeper, her controller, her boss, her child, an irritation in her life.
 
She is quick to attack,
she is easy to offend,
she is critical and judgemental.
She is tired and frustrated.
She does not want to be touched.
She does not want to play and gets irritated at your play.
She no longer see’s the humor in things.
She burries herself in her work or in the home or a TV show or book.
 
And when she is sexing with you…
she either fakes it or goes limp without much response.
 
But you are happy and you are grateful.
You got yours my sweet prince.
The sex was amazing,
maybe not the best you have had,
but some sort of sex is better then no sex,
and she is such a doll for taking care of you.
 
But with each giving of herself,
she empties her very soul,
she dims her light,
to keep the peace.
As she awaits for her knight to awaken and see that she needs saving.
 
And with each thrust that you provide,
you fall futher and further off your horse.
Your charm is no longer seen,
for the pain of her emptiness is all she can feel.
 
So if you desire to not loose your charm with your lady love,
then take heed to this musing,
and realize that the true knight in shining armor will conconquer the nights of empty sexing by applying his focus to making sure that she cums first and cums a few times,
by not accepting her willingness to just give herself up for your pleasure alone, will not support the trauma of her emotions or body with a lack of depth in presence or orgasm.
 
A true prince charming understands that in order for him to succeed at winning and keeping his ladies heart that he MUST educate himself on the ways of the feminine.
And not deny them or ignore.
 
So if you claim to love your woman,
then take on the mission of filling her up with orgasm.
Deep.
Connective.
Multiple.
Rich.
Orgasm.
 
Will you take on the mission of your woman’s pleasure and joy?
 
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
Want to explore more in depth ways to tap into healing your relationship, accessing a truly beautiful turned on bedroom life and deepen your intimacy? Message me for deets on my couples and indiviual coaching available globally.

A Letter To My Mr. Forever.

A Letter To My Mr. Forever:
 
I already know who you are,
you have come to me in a dream long ago.
I have sampled our life together,
through relationships of the past.
 
I have felt your soft touch upon my skin,
the tickle of your finger tips as they profess their love,
I have felt your breath against my flesh,
breathing in the moments together.
 
I have felt your force,
your strength and determination,
your passion and hunger.
As you devour me with life itself.
 
I have watched you my love,
your heart expanding,
your kindness, compassion and fiercness.
I have laughed and danced with you.
Loving each twirl that you lead.
 
I have embraced the moments of powerful emotion,
sitting in your lap,
our hearts beating as one,
eye’s gazing into forever,
tears steaming from our blended joy.
 
I have felt you penetrate me,
holding me deep commanding my surrender to your presence.
I have witnessed the magic,
and felt it move through my veins in our loving of our flesh,
the loving that trandscends,
both time and space.
 
I have heard you sing to me,
eternal love songs,
smiling with your ocean eye’s,
and letting me know that I am your queen.
 
I have shuddered from your touch,
and pushed myself past boundaries I never knew existed.
I have explored raptures that only few will ever know.
 
I have witnessed the depth of your soul,
and felt the elation of my own,
united with yours.
Becoming one.
 
I have been blessed to feel the presence of heaven and of God,
in our union.
The scent of fresh roses wafting about the room,
as if manifest from thin air.
I have felt the magnitude of your love.
 
I see the man that you are,
and because I see you so clearly,
and feel you so deep,
I know the woman that you demand me to become.
 
And I am not yet your woman,
I am not yet the one for you.
I hold you close and yet at arms length,
because I know.
I know who I must become,
not for you my love,
but for myself.
 
You demand of me to become ALL of me.
You call me from the future,
reminding me of the woman that I truly am.
You lead me now,
in the moments that my heart awakens,
that my body explores,
you guide me with your patience,
and smile from afar.
 
I see you watching me.
Yours eye’s following my moves.
I see your pleasure in your witnessing of my birth,
waiting.
Waiting for me to relaize.
 
And this my love,
shows the man that you are.
 
You will never cave or be something that you are not.
You will never step out of your superiour masculine energy to beg me, or taunt me, or lead me to believe it is our time yet,
when it is not.
You get the value of trust and what it takes to have it truly with another.
You are not fearful of your desires,
you embrace them as you will one day embrace me.
You penetrate this world with purpose, passion, play and confidence,
and you wait to take my heart, body and soul in the same measure.
 
I can feel you here and now.
Your presence grows closer by the day,
and I foretaste of your love in my current.
I am in gratitude for the man that awaits me,
the man that holds me,
the man that guides from time and space.
 
I am coming.
 
———————————————————————————–
 
This musing goes out to all the ladies in waiting,
whether you be single or coupled in current,
if you are lacking or looking,
if you cannot find “the one” and wonder,
where is that man of my dreams?
If you are with a love, but it s not true,
you feel lost still to your core,
and you have tasted of the love that you desire,
this musing is for you.
 
Love my beautiful,
is for the expanding not the shutting down.
Love is for the healing and the recognizing,
not the wounding and the masking,
Love elevates not deflates.
Love holds your truth,
and smiles as you discover it.
 
Love does not fear loosing,
because it knows it has everything you need.
Love watches your dance,
embraces your play and your fear,
Love knows who you are,
and guides you just to that.
 
Love does not control.
Love does not run.
Love does not waiver.
 
And this my beautiful,
is who is calling you from the future.
This is your Mr. Forever.
 
But first my dear,
you must recognize,
the Queen that YOU ARE.
 
To unit with this sort of love,
the demand is for you to receive YOURSELF,
in all your emotion,
all your joy,
all your fear,
all your beauty,
seen and unseen.
You MUST be ready my beautiful,
to become the match for this man.
 
Go.
 
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
Ladies in the house want to call in your Mr. Forever, reach out to me for guidance today to become the the woman that matches the man of forever.

Stop Fearing Your SOUL! and Step the F-ck Into Your Life Baby!

You say you are not afraid.
You say that you can feel the call,
that the desire is alive in you and that you truly WANT for something more in your life.
You say that you are not afraid, that you know that you must make these things happen.
You say that you are COMMITTED,
that you are READY.

You say that you WILL FIND a way, no matter what.
You say that you know,
you know how critical this is to your life.
Your SUCCESS.
Your HAPPINESS.

You say a lot for someone who is doing NOTHING!
Just sitting there on the fence line of life,
waiting for something to change.
Waiting for life to improve enough for you to get committed and do the things,
the things that your SOUL is calling you to do.

And yet there you are beautiful,
proclaiming all of that.
Wanting all of that.
And still doing NOTHING.

The thing is baby,
what you are not fully grasping is that YOU are scared as F-ck about actually just leaning into your SOUL guidance and LETTING GO!
You are scared as F-ck to finally CLAIM YOUR LIFE!
Making it happen by having FAITH.

Yes! You claim a lot for someone who is scared of SOUL.
Who wants for so much,
but won’t actually STEP the F-ck into what YOU want.
You try and get the world to believe that you don’t know what you need to do,
or that you are already doing it all.
But at your very core,
you know the THING,
the thing that you must do.
That thing to step the F-ck all the way in on your life.

And yet,
there you sit.
Another day.
another worry.
Another avoidance.
Saying that you need to do this or that,
saying that you feel the call.
The call of your SOUL.
And knowing that you are but one small yet HUMONGOUS step away from having all your dreams and desire manifest like magic.

But there on the fence,
you sit.

Scared of saying YES!
Scared of Stepping the F-ck in.
Scared of your SOUL.
Sacred of your DREAMS.

Oh, BABY…
If only you fully understood the power of LETTING GO.
If only you fully believed in your POWER.
In your WORTH.
In Just Stepping the F-ck IN.

But there is hesitation is there not?

You may claim that there is not.
And so if that is what you say,
what you truly think.
Then ask yourself,
“What then is holding me back from living the life that I feel called to live?”

I guarantee,
that it is not money.
That it is not time.
That it is not luck.
That it has nothing to do with your education.
Or your work, relationship or even the amount of sex that you are having or not.
Nope,
it is not body image.
It is not your religious beliefs.
It has nothing to do with your childhood wounding,
your phobias,
or who your parents are,
or how they treated you.

None of this is the REASON.
Some of it is the RESULT,
the result of what is actually holding you the f-ck back.

And you do know the THING,
the THING that is holding you back.
It is the same thing,
the only thing,
that ever holds you back.

But no,
it cannot be.
But yes,
it is just so.
You must SURRENDER yourself,
once and for all to your SOUL.
Stop fearing it.
Stop hiding from it.
Just STOP and LISTEN.
Listen and Act.
Act only from here beautiful.
It is the space of all knowing.
It holds all your answers,
all your power.
Yes here beautiful is what you MUST do.
Once and for all.

Stop FEARING YOUR SOUL.

And remember,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

Want to take that step?
I sure hope that you have come to realize that this fence that you are sitting on is not a fence of safety,
but a fence of saying no to self,
saying no to your dreams and desires and living the way God intended on you living.
THRIVING.

Yes BABY.
It is time that you decide..
Grab a consult TODAY with me. 
Learn more in depth about 1:1 Elite Coaching for a F-ck Yes! Life.

Take Caution Not To Dishonor Your Lover’s Love.

You dishonor who I am.
You dishonor my life.
You dishonor the love I have felt.
You dishonor my choices.
You even dishonor yourself.
And for what?

To proclaim that you are better than,
greater than.
That you know,
you understand,
you are more of a man.
Than he.

You proudly stand before me,
claiming your love.
Never stopping to realize that I have felt a greater love then you can even fathom.
You will never know the love that has captivated my heart,
my soul and carried me into the heavens.
You will never know of it,
or understand it because you refuse to accept that I have ever even been loved.
In your proclamations of how you can show me love.
You can reveal to me how a woman is to be cared for.
What “real dating, courting” is about.
That you, yes you are the gentlemen that knows this better than any other who has ever crossed my path.

As you stand there,
with that glimmer in your eye’s,
with that smirk on your face,
with that smugness in your body,
and you vocalize how it should be.
And how you aim to show me.

You do nothing more than dishonor me.

You state with each word of disbelief,
a declaring that I have never felt anything worth anything,
that I am naive,
unknowing,
and have poor taste in men.

If this is true,
if you truly believe that no man has ever really loved me.
If you really believe that,
then why should I believe that you are any better?
And realize that we all have fears around love and being lovable,
so when you make such assumptions,
in an essence you support this fear that I am just that.
Unlovable.

So if I have felt this deep.
If I have opened up in vulnerability to this level,
surrendered my very soul over to another,
smelled of this loves sweetness and been blessed to inhale the intoxicating scent of roses in my love making.
But none of it is true…

Then what possibly could you offer me sir?

You say I was nothing more than a pretty piece on his arm.
You say he wanted me only for my sex.
You say that he had never an intent of going the distance.
You say that he never brought true life experience to me.
You say that he never romanced me properly,
dated me properly.

You say a lot for man that has no clue.
That is blind.
That is making a lot of judgments based on only your own hopes that this is such.

But I will tell you this sir.
I will tell you that you have not a clue.
And because you come at me in such dishonor,
preaching of your love,
trying to kill what I hold dear.

Realize that you will NEVER succeed at killing off this love.
You will never destroy my heart.
Your fear,
your hunger,
your desire to control,
will never compare to that which I hold dear.

I welcome your childish attempts.
They do nothing but strengthen what has always been.

And so I say this loud and true,
please hear me now blind sir,
you have not a chance at ever captivating this heart of mine.

You refuse to listen.
You refuse to truly feel me.
You refuse to accept that in order to come into my heart that you will have to top this love,
and trying to destroy,
to mock,
or make light of what my soul has felt,
is not the way to penetrate my heart.

But I do assure you,
it is the way out of my life.

You dishonor me with your fear.
You dishonor me with your desire to make me small.
You dishonor me with your hatred of my love.

And so we say goodbye.

—————————————————————————–

I share this intimacy from my heart and soul today to all of you gentlemen and women alike who find a need to discredit someone’s past relationships.

No matter your relationship with someone,
but for sure if you have romantic interest in them,
please take heed to this poem here.

Never try to captivate their heart by attempting to destroy a past love.

This only show’s your weakness.
Your fear.

Instead listen to the sweetness that that love has brought to them,
allow yourself to hear,
learn what another has done and what your lover wants more of.

Do not be foolish enough to believe that because this love they speak of is not present in the here and now,
that it is any less than potentially the love of this person’s life.

Not all love is meant to be held for a life time.
But all love does expand us and transform us.

Never make judgments on another’s heart.
You only weaken or destroy your place in theirs.

Instead be –
Present
Open
Vulnerable
Supportive

And cherish this moment with them.

As always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

Want to learn more 1:1 secrets about a woman’s heart and soul and how to captivate a HIGH VIBE woman today?

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My Lessons Did Not Start Here.

Lessons from today. 
For every day and all of life. 
I look at today like any day,
as a day filled with lessons. 
I ask myself in moments that I struggled what I would want myself to learn had I been the one to give this challenge as a lesson. 
I looked deep into the souls of those I shared time and space with and desired more connection. 
I listened to those that touch my heart, 
as they spoke and my heart yearned to hear more.

Yes the lessons of today.

My lessons have never ended. 
Just like yours. 
They did not randomly just pick up at 1-am this morning when I woke to my four year old son having a nightmare, calling for me. 
As I realized that I had fallen asleep in the arms of a lover on my couch in front of a raging fire.

No they did not start there.

They did not start as I came to the realization that I had so much I wanted to share with this man, 
what my heart was feeling,
or what I wanted to stand in integrity with before him, 
but lost to sleep.

No they did not start here.

They did not start as I felt like opportunity for a perfect communication moment, 
a heart to heart had been escaped without a desire to escape it. The comfort of spirit sharing with me as I looked at the clock and saw 2:22 am. ( All is as it should be).

Snuggling between my youngest two. 
Connected, close and nurturing. 
Sleeping with moments of being shook awake from the fear of what I could not see. 
My babies scared of lands that only they would travel.

The reality that I can only do so much. 
I can only hold space and love.

No they did not start here.

They did not start when I looked at my morning texts and saw beauty in words shared. 
The claiming of one that I am his queen. 
The claiming of another his love.

No they did not start here.

They did not start as I drove my kindergartner to school and he exclaimed, ” Madriella’s (that’s what my boys call me), I am always so excited to make money. Getting money is fun!” and I shared that he should never loose that feeling, that that is how we keep money flowing to us.

No they did not start here. 
They did not start as I sat with my client, looking into his eye’s and looking directly into his intrigued little boy, the part of him that was scared, excited and so open to grow. As I realized that he hungered for love, he desired to set down his fears and shame, 
and JUST BE.

They did not start when I eye gazed naked with another. Revealing all of ourselves, holding sacred space, with no need for anything more. This moment, this moment that we allowed ourselves to JUST BE, and to see deep into soul. Where we had no thought. We had no intent. We just escaped into nothing.

It was not any of these moments that were the start. 
It was not the witnessing of my kindergartner getting his first awards, his pride that shone so bright, that we adults hide from as to not be seen in ill light of loving ourselves too much.

It was not the moments when I watched my ex try and connect to our youngest, only to be shunned and pushed away. Witnessing my sons anger. Witnessing my ex’s pain. My ego laughed, my heart hurt. Although not my lesson, it is still the same.

It was not the sweet moments spent, watching my children light up at a surprise treat of ice cream or running and screaming without thought at the park. Arms open wide, hearts filled with joy, laughter turning to a fist fight between brothers.

What could the lesson be?
But what it always is, 
and always will be, 
a lesson to JUST BE.

No it did not start here or anywhere in today, 
or yesterday. It is a lesson that keeps on ticking along, 
with every breath my soul takes in this body.

The lesson of just being, 
being free, 
being true, 
being in the moment.

Not judging but observing. 
Not thinking but accepting. 
Not hindering but opening.

Yes these are the moments, 
the moments that we are called to enjoy. 
The moments that we often miss.

We even try to escape them, 
because to JUST BE is among the most difficult of tasks God has given to each of us. 
To be and to receive?
How can this be what we are meant to do?

Our lessons are many. 
And each day holds a ton. 
But our lessons always come back to love.

And the LOVE of self should never be forgotten, 
for it is the one thing that will heal us. 
It is the one thing that will unit us to the divine.
And THRIVE we shall as we BECOME.

As Always, 
Stop Existing & Start Living
” Coaching for Grown A*s Believers.”

Who Will You Be In 2019?

Who will you be in 2019?

Here is the question that my mentor asked me recently.

At first when I heard it I wanted to jump to the answer. 
I wanted to confidently state all my dreams and goals as though they were already. 
But as I sat with this question, 
truly sat with it and allowed it to settle into every cell of my being I could feel great emotion bubbling up with it.

I could feel myself not simply wanting to state with confidence my dreams and goals, 
No, I wanted far more than this.

I wanted to truly feel myself expand. 
And I was already being gifted this beautiful idea of expansion in being asked,

Who will you be in 2019?

And here is what I came up with.

I will be a woman on fire, 
on fire for her life. 
I will be a mother, 
present, in love and compassion, 
showing my children how to live fully, 
and how to fly.
I will be a lover, 
learning what I truly want for this next season of my intimacy. Committing to my true heart and core.
I will be a thought leader, 
helping those who feel aligned to me to expand who they are and tap into the f-ck yes life they deserve.
I will be the soul crusader that I have always known that I am. 
Never allowing for settling, 
willing to rock the boat, 
to stand in the face of that which is uncomfortable and THRIVE.
I will be a content creation magician, 
open to my aligned intuitive desires and letting them unfold in ease.
I will be SOUL ALIGNED, 
I will be ONLY a F-ck YES to myself, 
at all cost.
I will live from a place of ease, grace, gratitude and joy.
I will be vulnerable, open and turned on.
I will be SOULFUL.
I will be magnetic.
I will be AUTHENTIC.
I will be deliberate.


I will be a mother f-cking bad a*s!!!!!
I will be a Rock Star in my business and in my life!

The truth is love, 
my goal is to make 2019 a year that I am so effing proud of that I cannot help but brag about.

And what is wrong with that?

I know that some people cringe at the words, 
brag and proud or pride.

I know that it may sound cocky to say that this is my desire, to be a F-ck YES! only to myself.

I know that to some, 
who I aim to be for 2019 is not desirable, 
and the thing is that I don’t really effing care.

And neither should you love. 
because who you are. 
Who you want to be. 
Who your soul is screaming at you to get into alignment to becoming, 
is most likely not going to please the majority of people.

And the sooner that you get right with this fact. 
The sooner you realize that when you firmly, 
confidently and unapologetically step into your true self, 
that the majority of the world will not approve.

And the reason,
although it does not ultimately matter,
I will share with you for clarity and understanding.

The reason so many will hate on you.
The reason so many will mock and point, 
will show their cruelness and even shun you. 
Is because your light will be so F-CKING BRIGHT that it will reveal to them all that they are hiding from and do not have the courage to become.

Yes my love, 
the more you SHINE
the more the haters will make themselves known.
The more the darkness will try and take you down.

The average and ordinary, 
never like the ones who CHOOSE to LIVE UNBOUND.
The ones who choose to be free, 
to be turned on, 
prosperous, 
and in SOUL ALIGNMENT.

SO know this my love, 
know that as you answer this question for yourself, 
that the only right answer, 
is the one that makes you squirm, 
makes your feel as though you are hanging on the edge of cliff and taking in all the beauty. 
It is the one that makes you shudder, 
not from fear but from the thrill, 
the thrill that you are FINALLY being a F-ck YES! to yourself.

Ignore all those naysayers.
Ignore all their threats. 
Ignore all that they may throw at you, 
and walk forward into this year. 
This year of your GREATNESS. 
This year where you make yourself proud.

Let your LIGHT be seen brightly.
Let your SMILE beam in joy.
Let your LAUGHTER shake fear into their walls of misery, 
as you BRAG in GRATITUDE
of this F-ck YES! Year.

As Always, 
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers!”

Stop fooling around and take the leap that you know that you need.

Stop with all your excuses. 
There are 51 weeks left in 2019, 
how many more will you let pass with the acceptance of lat years attitudes for this years life?

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