Why Every Man Should Watch At Least Three Chick Flicks a Year.
“So it’s not gonna be easy. It’s gonna be really hard, and we’re gonna have to work at this every day. But I wanna do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever. You and me. Every day.” —The Notebook
A woman’s world is an emotional world. I cannot state this more to my readers of both sexes as one of the main issues that I see in modern relationships is both sexes being irritated with female emotion. No heterosexual man wants to be in union of any sort with another man, he is not aroused, drawn in or nurtured by the masculine. These are the things his primal nature craves and can only receive from the feminine – a woman strong in her intrinsic nature. Yet, men and women alike look at the emotional aspects of the feminine as weak, untrustworthy, scary, crazy and simply put “not good.” Leaving most women in a constant fear of themselves and forced hiding of their core essence, where unfortunately they stop communicating authentically, they mask with drugs, alcohol, pharmaceuticals, work or anything else that can sidetrack their emotional selves. Attempting to be agreeable and provide the environment that society, family and partner have deemed correct and healthy. However, nothing else could be further from the truth and no woman can hold her shiz together for a lifetime without it eroding away at her health physically, mentally, emotionally and sexually.
Women for all of time in any relationship status run simply by these rules: 1) Take care of a partner, if you have one, 2) Take care of family/children 3) Take care of responsibilities, house, work place, etc. 4) If you have any energy or time left – take care of self ( this includes sexually often).
Granted many women will mix up 1-2-3 but it is a rare woman who puts herself first, especially when it comes to her emotions or sexual pleasure. These two areas are taboo for women and terrifying grounds where we are typically fearful of what Pandora’s box may hold if we dare to explore it, ask what’s going on with ourselves or over invest in what may feel right, pleasurable or good. Women really are not fans for setting the stage of getting our feelings hurt, at least once we are over the age of thirty and have suffered some heartache and loss, disappointment and trauma, we certainly attempt to guard our hearts more, even if we tend to be more “open and playful” sexually, or so perceived, our hearts are not on our sleeves and we do not soften into sweet surrender with ease or comfort in any relationship making our ability to receive pleasure or feel authentic desire almost impossible.
Which is why chick flicks exist! There are so many genres of movies to capture different moods, romantic movies provide heart opening around the most important topic to almost every woman – love.
We women are the emotional delicate creatures that we are, empathic by nature, designed to feel and be sensual to life, crave and need romance and love. We must have something that shows us that our hearts, our emotions, this love that we have is desired, valued and can have brief moments of safety in the arms of what we want so badly – our man.
The above quote from the movie The Notebook, is one of many lines that make many women’s knees weak, stomachs flutter and hearts melt into love and it has nothing to do with the leading man Ryan Gosling. Truth be told, this line is what every woman wants to hear from the lips of her man. It says to her soul that she is worth the struggle, the work and the time. It says that he values and wants her, that she matters and that he is willing to fight for her. Granted there is no dragon or demon to fight, but life itself can become these terrifying beasts and present many an untimely challenge for a couple. Today’s women often do not trust that the men in their lives have the courage to stand in any fire for them. They do not trust that they are not replaceable and they certainly do not trust that they can reveal themselves at any emotional level or they will be abandoned.
I blame both sexes and our need for inclusivity and equality of the sexes. These concepts that go against mother nature and how all of life has evolved are not doing our romantic front any justice, they are only weakening an already treacherous land that takes great courage, desire, strength and commitment to venture into on a good day.
Today’s relationship world provides what may seem more of an equal playing field, one where women are not as objectified, can demand for their rights, needs, pleasure, equality and can safely be heard if they are abused in any fashion. We have focused on the emotional and psychological aspect to great degrees, making any perceived negative response, just that negative and evil, condemning the one who dares have it. One main issue with the dating and relating world of today, okay maybe two main issues, is 1) people say they are looking for love and connection but they only chase sex and surface level relating and 2) they spiritually bypass, dismiss and use projection consistently when engaged in an intimate relationship, not turning inward but almost always pointing outward.
No one is slowing down and wanting to do the work it takes for their relationship!
Yesterday I wrote an article on women’s lack of playfulness after a time frame in a relationship and one of the comments that I made to men was, “Women must be courted! If she was good enough to court to get into the relationship, then she needs to be good enough to be courted to keep the relationship. Yes, courting is relationship maintenance…” This however is a two way street, much like anything in relationships and we women need to do our part to help keep the fires of love and desire kindled and burning, which means that we women need to speak up and not fake it, we need to ask for things and we need to take responsibility for our emotions, health and even sexual pleasure. No man or partner can “give you an orgasm,” – female orgasms that are not just a reflex of nerve stimulation are based on a woman’s ability to get out of her mind and into her body, to surrender to herself, the moment, her partner and the pleasure. The catch 22 on this is that if a woman is not receiving consistent conscious touch, communication, connection and yes romance and adventure she will drift away from herself and from the relationship. Meaning she will not invest emotionally into the relationship after a time frame and succumb to just a mode of survival which is what equates to “average and ordinary” or the majority of modern relationships as we know them.
How can you prevent this sad event from becoming your reality?
There are many pieces to this relationship puzzle, however the focus here today is the one that gets lost in the dust of the majority of existing, committed, long-term one’s and that is – romance and courting.
What you as a man can learn from chick flicks and why you should watch three a year.
Anyone who knows me well, knows that I am not a chick flick sorta girl, I actually prefer action movies with things blowing up and people getting killed or monsters and aliens destroying the world, however there is a time and a place for everything including the girly emotional, lovie dovie movies where the “good guy” gets the girl and says all the right things and they live happily ever after. Where the sex scenes are not filmed for men but for women and its all about the way the leading man kisses her, looks at her and you will see that the scene focuses on soft lights, environment, music and touch. It’s slow and sensual and the majority of women when they view these love making scenes find themselves caught in a state of arousal, desire and pain for what they do not experience in their lives. The love making only happens after a deep connective moment, there is no rush or push for it, the man leads consciously with passion and care, he takes his time with her and in return she softens into surrender and gives her full self to him.
This is exactly what a woman wants to do. It’s what a man wants from his woman as well – her surrender and trust in him, her ability to allow him to pleasure her and penetrate her heart and soul through the physical is a rapturing event for both people.
“I’m scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life the way I feel when I’m with you.” —Dirty Dancing
This line says it all and it is often the feeling that gets us into the relationship. The fear of not having this feeling. You see we all do relationships because of a feeling that we want to obtain, there is really no other reason. After time passes we may look at the logical aspects of family, finances, lifestyle, safety, companionship or even that it is just what is expected of us, but the relationships that touch the very fibers of our DNA and alter how we perceive life and ourselves, these soul based love stories we get involved with, no matter their length of time, because of the feeling they create at our core. How they ignite us and destroy us.
“I love you. Not like they told you love is, and I didn’t know this either, but love don’t make things nice, it ruins everything. It breaks your heart. It makes things a mess. We aren’t here to make things perfect. The snowflakes are perfect. The stars are perfect. Not us. Not us! We are here to ruin ourselves and to love…” —Moonstruck
Women want to get messy. They want to be led with passion and care.
They need a man’s protection, direction and hunger.
Women must be courted into the relationship and through the years spent together.
95% of the time when I work with a couple where the woman has stepped out of the relationship and had an affair, it is based on this very fact – she no longer felt an emotional commitment, desire or connection with her mate. She was starving for attention, romance, touch, time and leadership. Now, as a man you can get upset with this and say that its stupid and not right or you can receive these words as words that are written to educate, enlighten and give you wisdom as to how to maintain your intimacy and love with the woman you have said that you want to share your life with. You can turn away from these words and let the cards fall where they will and explore more women, marriages and relationships of different degrees only to find that they will all end the same if you are not taking the time to care for them.
If you have an issue with this truth then ask yourself why you do not get upset and trade in your vehicle every time it needs an oil change, car wash or new tires?
“People do fall in love. People do belong to each other, because that’s the only chance that anyone’s got for true happiness.” —Breakfast at Tiffany’s
Why do men need to watch three chick flicks a year?
So that they can be reminded about what their woman truly needs and so that they can get some creative ideas as to just how to provide it for her.
Any man who loves a woman truly will hear these words and take action on them.
A woman that is open and receptive to you as a man, will give you all of herself and with her comes the world.
“At best, it’s a happy delusion—these two people who truly love each other and have no idea how truly miserable they’re about to make each other. But, but, when two people know that, and they decide with eyes wide open to face each other and get married anyway, then I don’t think it’s conservative or delusional. I think it’s radical and courageous and very romantic.” —Frida
To love fully and commit to that love with your life takes courage, but it’s worth every ounce that you can muster up and it’s what makes life worth living.
So sit down tonight and shock your girl, watch a chick flick, snuggle on the couch, have a glass of wine, dance with her in the kitchen, kiss her like it’s the first time and enjoy the rewards that you certainly will reap.
In gratitude for my leading man Craig who consistently stands firm in who he is and courageous in the flames of our love. “As You Wish.” – The Princess Bride
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
-Rene’ S. (KW)