IS GOING MONOGAMOUS AFTER BEING POLYOMOUROUS LEVELING UP YOUR RELATIONSHIP?

👊💥👉IS GOING MONOGAMOUS AFTER BEING POLYOMOUROUS LEVELING UP YOUR RELATIONSHIP?😳👈

 

It’s a personal thing.

Well it should be a personal thing.

 

Recently I saw a status update from a man who was in a polyomourous relationship with a woman and she was in a relationship with another man. She decided that she wanted to “level up ” her relationship with this other man and came to the man I know and shared her decision and reasons. Although he was hurt, he understood and they parted with respect and understanding.

 

Another person recently shared that they had gone through something similar:

 

Can anyone relate? Several love connections have recently decided to monogamously close their new relationships

We’ve stayed in touch, but there’s been no acknowledgment or curiosity of how this transition may affect the feelings of someone who still has active desires. While I believe everyone has the absolute freedom to decide what relationship structure they desire at the moment, I’m having emotions around the lack of attunement or transitional “aftercare”. 😔

 

Now granted this share stirrers a bunch for me and I will be sharing it over the week as we go along but for today I am focusing on the transition from poly to monogamous and why some people feel it is “leveling up” a relationship.

 

As many of you may be aware, I was once upon a time married for almost two decades. It was a monogamous marriage, very traditional, very normal by the standards and we had with it all the typical challenges that come with marriage.

 

I realized over the course of time that I felt trapped. I felt unseen. I felt controlled and like I had to sacrifice pieces of myself to keep the marriage going. I found myself not speaking my truth, hiding my emotions and thoughts around tons of things and it was all eating away at me. I became dead to life, caloused to my heart and feelings, as well as to my sex and a zombie in so many ways.

 

So one day, I decided that things had to change and I asked for a divorce.

 

My purpose was now to discover myself, learn myself, my sex, my body, my likes and dislikes. I felt like I had been living according to what my husband wanted of me and the lack of integrity was ridiculous. So my only focus in finding myself was to remain in integrity at all cost.

 

This concept of radical integrity which I quickly discovered was hard AF!

And scary, it was beautiful beyond measure.

It allowed me a space to do exactly what I wanted.

Learn me.

 

I entered this next phase of my life, dating multiple men, speaking what I wanted, setting boundaries on time, my heart and my sex that I felt good about. I was in control of myself.

 

Giving my best to each partner I chose to share myself with and getting only the aspects of them that they wanted to give, which was of course the best aspects. The fun. The play, the ability to hold space, to listen and share without concern or judgment.

It was beautiful.

 

Or was it?

As time went on, I truly believed that I was most likely not meant for just “one ”. After almost two decades of control and rules that monogamy seemed to impose on couples, I truly believed that it was not healthy or loving. I believed that monogamy was only for small minded, control based relationships where relationships were based in fear, insecurity, need and a desire to control someone else. I counted monogamy as an ego driven style of relating.

 

🙏Open relationships felt more loving and accepting. 🙏

 

It felt safer.

 

I did not have to put all my eggs into one basket.

I did not have to have needs met by one.

And that was a loving thing, to not expect everything from “one.”

 

As time went on, I found myself moving into less open relating and wanting more depth and connection with just a couple of men.

 

Here I landed into a double primary relationship, where I had two men and I was the primary to each of them and they to me.

 

Allowing for my stability in my life.

And for some amount of years we were pretty successful in our poly-based relationship.

 

That was we were successful UNTIL “I” got really stable in who I was, what I wanted, what I liked and did not like and spoke my truth.

 

My one partner was highly upset that  after years of going along with things and being playful and adventurous, I suddenly changed my ways and had harder boundaries in what I wanted and did not enjoy in our sexing. He stated that I did not know myself. Saying that I needed to trust him. You see he was great with me having boundaries around my heart that I had instilled through open relationship where it was vital for me to not get overly attached to anyone and lose myself in them.  But when it came to my boundaries around my sex and body, he was frustrated with me. He wanted to act out his fantasies with my body and he wanted me to want it and trust him in it. Of which I could not because his fantasies were not mine AND he did not penetrate my heart.

 

My other partner, with him I could soften and move into our sexing with ease. I trusted him here. I knew that he wanted for my pleasure and safety not for his fantasy. He had accessed a bit more of my heart and I was wanting to move more into that lush space with him. I wanted to go deeper and commit more. And so I found myself requesting to move to a more monogamous relationship with him.

 

Now granted he chose differently.

He did not want that with me.

He found it with someone else and he set me free.

 

Thank goodness he did too.

Because he gifted me with the best thing ever, my freedom.

Freedom to get very clear on what I really was aligned too and what I really desired in relationship.

 

I had learned so much from all my experiences.

And I knew that what I truly wanted was depth in a relationship.

I knew that I wanted to surrender fully into a relationship and let my heart be held by another.

 

I was tired of the armour that an open relationship had created in its attempt to drop all the armour that had been created in the monogamous marriage of my past.

 

And so fast forward to NOW.

 

👉The relationship that I was not  ready for 25 years ago when I was still married.

 

👉The relationship that I could not have handled just two years ago as I sorted through my feelings, perspectives and views on freedom, commitment and authentic love.

 

👉The relationship that over a decade ago I was not ready for because I believed that immersion was bad and ego based.

 

Today I am monogamous.

And so many people ask me, “WHY?”

 

How can I go from being so open in love, relationship and sex to only having “ONE?”

 

“So in the past you have had non monogamous relationships, but it seems like now you are happy in a monogamous relationship.  So do you think that was because It ultimately wasn’t the right relationship in the past?  Or do you think it was more about where you were in your life and what you wanted at that time vs now?  Or was it more about the partner and what they were comfortable or ok with? Or a combo of all.” – Client inquiry.

 

💥💥💥And to these people and the individuals above who recently went through a transition in their polyomourous loves “leveling up” to monogamy I say this…

 

To some yes, monogamy means all the negative terms I shared and more. It means control and loss of rights. It means that you sacrifice who you are, what you want to explore and who you get to explore with.

 

But when someone is moving from polyamory to monogamy, if they are not being pressured into it but actually want it, it is because they are wanting “more” in their relationship.

 

More:

👉depth

👉commitment

👉transparency

👉trust

👉respect

👉aligned goals

👉connection

👉surrender

👉heart

 

And they have come through the beautiful education of what polyomourous relationships teach and offer and are ready to fully immerse themselves into what they feel is “home.”

 

Why have I come back full force to monogamy?

Simple….

 

💥HE SEE”S ALL OF ME – There is nothing hidden in my relationship. He has witnessed me through a few years in different relationship labels and he has seen my weakness, my fears, my inner battles, my demons. He knows me and he is willing to keep unearthing the parts of me by my side as I go deeper into my soul and heart with him. He continues to choose me, all the while standing strong in who he is and what he needs and wants in our relationship.

 

 

💥WE ARE ALIGNED IN MIND< HEART< SOUL AND BODY – This means that our values are aligned in these areas. We have taken the time not only to delve into each other and truly listen and watch, but to also stand in vulnerability with each other and share. Our lives blend together with ease, not asking either one of us to make massive life changes or be something that we are not. Our views on the world are similar. We live in a dance of joint commitment to relationship happiness and strength instead of who is right or wrong.

 

💥A WHOLE PACKAGE- Not what you might think I mean here. The whole package is all about the alignment and the feeling of “home.” Here is the thing, we may enjoy other destinations when we are world travelers but the feeling of coming home is fantastic if you have a good home. But what if you live in your dream destination and have everything you can ever want for? What if the thought of being a world traveler sounds exhausting and full of drama, even empty? If your home is that spectacular then you just  want to bask in your joy of the home you have and really sink into it. You want to build your life there. This is called full immersion. And it is what the soulmate relationship is all about. I believe that we are all looking for this and we simply don’t believe it’s a real thing because we get led astray and hurt so much that we end up armouring our hearts to it. There is something inside we humans that want the equal yoking and entwinement of the whole being where we become one. This is because we crave at our deepest level to have rock solid trust, love and transparency with another and it can only truly happen when two people commit to each other and make zero room for interruptions, chaos or things that distract.

 

👊I HAD TO WANT AND BE WILLING TO BE HELD LIKE THIS.👊

 

And this is a scary AF place to want to set up camp.

Let me tell you this.

Open relationships allowed for detachment, even encouraged it.

I taught myself that was the most loving thing to do.

 

💥Soul-monogamy💥requires unbelievable trust in surrendering into your mate and removing anything that can be perceived as a barrier. Ultimate transparency and acceptance of self and your partner. The reality is you cannot have soul-monogamy with just anyone. You must be ready for it and you must have the right person show up to meet you in this meadow of the rest of your life. 

 

It is Soul-penetration.

 

Yeah, there is a lot here and I hope that you found something for where you are at in your relationship and style.

There is no right or wrong in relating.

The only thing you ever need to do is find ALIGNMENT for where you are and speak your truth about it.

Your soul and heart are learning, and it is your responsibility to listen to the lessons and have faith in your steps.

 

For me, Soul-monogamy is my true path.

The rules that I was once intolerable of are now my heart’s desire.

I am not controlled by the container that we have built together but instead freed by it to know that I am protected and supported by my choices and my commitment and that my partner is aligned to these as well.

 

Freedom comes with responsibility.

Responsibility is defined by the guidelines that help us to have clarity to know what is needed in any situation or choice to be made.

 

Commit to these things and you will find yourself one day in the arms of your soulmate. 

 

As Always, 

Loving you from here on your journey. 

 

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Helping dynamite powerful souls like yourself discover love and fulfilment is what my passion is. Over the last two decades I have worked with hundreds of women & men such as yourself to call in their soulmate by aligning to their truth. I have guided countless couples not to just rekindle a love that they thought was lost, but to create an empowered turned on and fully aligned partnership based in love with 8 simple steps. If you are a woman or man who is looking for happiness, love and abundance in life and is sick and tired of just getting by, reach out to me for a FREE Clarity Call today where we will define exactly what is holding you back, what you are wanting to call in and the next best steps to achieve your desired life. Message me to set up your FREE Clarity Call today.

DON’T LET YOUR INNER CHILD SABOTAGE YOUR RELATIONSHIP, BECAUSE IT WILL!

👊👊👉DON’T LET YOUR INNER CHILD SABOTAGE YOUR RELATIONSHIP, BECAUSE IT WILL! 😳👈👊
I have an issue with the word, “You.”
I also am incredibly sensitive in nature and empathic you might say. I feel when my partner pulls away emotionally from me and it sends me into a tailspin in my thoughts.
I can be very self-critical, I judge myself before someone else can even get the words together and I have already sentenced myself, convinced that I am at fault, not good enough, not thinking right, feeling right and should just shut up about whatever the subject might be that has created this drama that I don’t want to deal with.
In the same, I was raised an only child (although I am not an only child) and with it I have a blended feeling of righteousness, as though the world ‘should’ just get on board with what I want. I am strong in my opinions about things and not afraid to speak them often.
I also have a blend of being the baby in the family and the eldest child in another way, because I found myself parenting my mother frequently… meaning I was the listening ear, the therapist, the peacekeeper, her friend, her sister…
I was rarely her child.
Except she guarded me and helicopter parented me like the baby.
My father wanted a son and he got me. Leaving me feeling like I was never good enough, never strong enough, a let down and there was nothing that I could do to fix it, so I was the best Tom boy that I could be with my barbies in hand, a baseball bat, fishing pole, and my fascination for nature and wild creatures.
All of this and so much more, created an inner child who is strong willed, temperamental, calculating yet hot headed at times, deeply emotional, fearful of not being worthy or good enough and yet that she is too much to handle and her truth is not acceptable for the world and especially the one she chooses to give her heart too.
And this inner child, well she gets things wrong a lot.
She acts from sheer emotion frequently and thank goodness for the parenting I have done for myself and self-healing and growing to see things so that I can nip them in the butt quicker than in years past.
I have learned that criticism is typically not a healthy stance to take.
For self or others.
And it certainly is not a loving act in an intimate relationship.
It actually creates separation and wraps both parties up into the blame game which steals our personal power and triggers wounds from childhood and past relationships.
Let me explain this just a tad bit more.
Typically when we are being critical with our partner what we are actually attempting to do is to inform them that we have a complaint about their action or behaviour.
An example might be that my partner and I have an agreement in our relationship to check in with each other. He texts me faithfully every morning when he arrives at work saying, “At office.”
I message back that I love him, letting him know that I received the message.
Now let’s say that he skips a day because he got caught up right away in a conversation at work and had to deal with something. One thing led to another as they do and he meant to message but never made it to it.
A few hours go by and my mind has now wandered into places of concern for him, or what happened because this is our pattern, our thing and he did not follow through.
Let’s say that I call him and say,
“What happened? I guess you think it’s okay to just not do what we agreed to and you obviously don’t care about my feelings or concern. I don’t believe you forgot because this is what we have been doing since we got together. It was just selfish of you to not slow down and think about texting me. How long does it take to just say at the office?”
This does not feel good, does it?
It blames him for his actions, my feelings and tells him that he is bad, selfish, I don’t trust him, I can’t trust him, I don’t believe him and that he is bad. It plays on any triggers from his youth about not getting it right and most likely may cause fear of abandonment. It also gives no space for human error and situations that arise for any of us. In truth if I were to say this to him, I would be the one who was being self-centered and not wanting to take any responsibility for my thoughts, feelings or how I am approaching him or his feelings. I am going into victim mode in this stance.
A healthy way to deal with the same situation might be,
“Hey love, just calling to make sure everything is okay. I got a bit scared since you have not texted like normal to let me know you were at the office, I thought we had agreed that we would do that for each other.”
Can you feel the difference?
Can you see the supportiveness, love, compassion and connection building in the second one versus the blame and shame in the first?
Which will lead to a healthy outcome?
Which creates a space for listening and for connection?
Exactly the second one.
Our words mean so much, and communication is vital to a happy, healthy relationship. Often people don’t express issues they are having, they instead express criticism. Expressing your frustration and upset, calmly and with a willingness to receive the others humanness shows unconditional love and support, instead of blame which creates separation, walls, fear and judgement.
The next thing our inner child might try and sabotage our relationship with is CONTEMPT. 😳
Contempt is a nasty little booger.
It goes far past criticism.
Criticism attacks your partner’s character, however contempt assumes a position of moral superiority.
Wowza!
This really shows its nasty head in situations where we get into comparison with our partner.
We tend to be acting strictly from our wound, our pain body in these moments. And we might say things such as,
“Yeah, yeah… you never feel good. You are always tired. Don’t you see what I have been doing for you, this house and family? Stop being so pathetic and just fix yourself already. If I had a dollar for every time you …”
Here is where we step firmly into righteousness land.
Making ourselves better than our partners and pointing them into the land of not good enough no matter what.
Typically our righteousness blinds us from being able to see our partners for who they are and what they are actually doing because we are caught up in our checklist and rules book of how it is supposed to look and the time line that we have impressed upon them ‘getting it right and proving themselves to us.’
Contemp arises because of the fear that we hold inside around abandonment and not being worthy enough to hold onto love.
It stems from a wounded inner child that felt unseen, unloved, not recognized and most likely was reminded of their shortcoming frequently. Anything that triggers it in our adult relating will put us here in the land of comparison and contempt that he/she has it better than us and does not appreciate it or what we have done.
This is a killer to creating lasting love and trust in a relationship and will always lead to our partners feeling like they are damned no matter what they do.
As a child, raised in the manner that I was.
As a virgo, who is super self-critical.
As a woman, who was a little girl who just desired her daddy’s acceptance and love, approval.
And not wanting to get things wrong in general but still being damn good at being human, one of the hardest grown up things that I have had to learn and get right with is, making mistakes and taking responsibility for them.
I believe that this is potentially THE BIGGEST issue in a relationship.
All relationships.
Love, parenting, friendship, work, don’t matter.
I know I am far from alone in learning how to be emotionally mature and own my own bull.
But there’s more to self-responsibility then just saying,
“I own my part.”
We have to follow that up with our actions.
And we have to make changes to not repeat the mistakes.
That says more than anything : I take responsibility for my words/actions here.
However, what happens more than this is DEFENSIVENESS.
And we make excuses for why it happened, almost begging for forgiveness and understanding.
Again we put ourselves into the victim mode instead of self-empowered mode. Plus, we say to our partner with our excuse that we don’t take their concern, feelings, thoughts, needs seriously.
We are not willing to take responsibility but instead point blame to an outside source.
Not saying that one cannot share “why” things happened the way they did, that is not a bad thing and helps our partner understand the full picture. But if we come out the gates without recognizing that our partner has a concern and instead just run over them with excuses and defense moves, or shifting the subject, pointing fingers back at them and such, we are shutting down communication and love.
Defensiveness is normal.
No one likes to be blamed or feel blamed.
But if we are to have a happy and healthy relationship then we have to shift past our normal defaults and practice a deeper, more loving communication style where both sides aim to find resolution in happiness instead of who is right or wrong.
The final wounded inner child tactic of sabotage on your relationship I want to share today is known as stone walling.
This is where the listener withdraws from the conversation. They shut down and simply stop responding to their partner rather than deal with the issue. They may all of a sudden become very busy with something and use maneuvers such as looking away, moving to a different room, saying they have to get to work, or even doing something as simple as doing the dishes or tapping their foot.
Stone walling is a childish behaviour that many people make use of when they feel extreme discomfort in discussing an issue in the relationship that may be too emotional for them at the time.
I had an intimate relationship for years just like this. My partner then, consistently would stone wall any issue. He would just act as though I did not exist anymore. In order for me to be seen by him, I would have to literally grovel and ask for forgiveness for what he perceived I did wrong and he would sit with a stone face and finally say, “Don’t worry about it.”
But that was just a lead into more stone walling.
Where he would tell me not to worry, to forget it.
What he wanted was for me to FIX MY EVIL WAYS.
Although, as it is in many instances in relationship, there was nothing to fix, or the things he was hurt about he had no idea what I could do to make better or right, just leaving me with the statement,
” You know what you did, you know what I want.”
The issue was that all I knew is that I did not like the feeling of being cast out.
I was asking for direction and wanted to do my part, but did not know what he needed from me to make it right.
And sometimes he was mad at me about what others had done, or his perception of events and was upset that he had been triggered but did not know himself what to do.
His path as a child was to coil up and hide.
To become aloof.
Separate as best he could from his pain.
And he brought this pattern to our relationship which in turn triggered my fear of abandonment.
My daddy issues about not being good enough or getting it right and a desire to please him at almost all cost.
So much so, like I did when my dad got upset with me and pulled away, I found myself in this unhealthy relationship acting the same and shrinking into my wounded child to meet his wounded child and we danced together in seperation.
Until one day, like any of these behaviours will lead to if used repeatedly and unconsciously from that sabotaging inner child state, we seperated.
 
A healthy format might have been to say,
“I am really emotional and upset about this right now. I don’t feel safe discussing it and need time to think and calm down. Can we talk later?”
 
Feel the difference from the stone walling?
I do.
And that is why I share this article today with you.
I see these behaviours being used frequently.
We are all guilty of them at different times, and if you think you are not,
THINK AGAIN.
Because you are human and wounded.
These are typical patterns of relating.
However, as we emotionally mature it is our responsibility to own our emotions and feelings, thus our actions and recognize our thoughts that lead to them.
Acting from an emotional mature space means that we as adults in a loving relationship will want to deal with any problem that arises and work through it right away. Where that inner child will choose one or more of these patterns and make excuses, point fingers and avoid.
The inner child will find themselves revisiting the wounds and fear,
sabotaging and recreating the history they did not enjoy living through in their once loving relationship of today.
Just something to ponder on this Friday.
As Always,
Loving you from here.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Helping dynamite powerful souls like yourself discover love and fulfilment is what my passion is. Over the last two decades I have worked with hundreds of women & men such as yourself to call in their soulmate by aligning to their truth. I have guided countless couples not to just rekindle a love that they thought was lost, but to create an empowered turned on and fully aligned partnership based in love with 8 simple steps. If you are a woman or man who is looking for happiness, love and abundance in life and is sick and tired of just getting by, reach out to me for a FREE Clarity Call today where we will define exactly what is holding you back, what you are wanting to call in and the next best steps to achieve your desired life. Message me to set up your FREE Clarity Call today.

WE WOMEN BOND WITH MEN PHYSICALLY.

💥💥🌹WE WOMEN BOND WITH MEN PHYSICALLY💥💥💥

 

Meaning we bond with men through physical connection.

Sex! and Touch.

 

You have sex with a guy and have an orgasm and you my beautiful are bonding to him.

 

The hormone oxytocin releases which is 👉THE BONDING CHEMICAL!👈

 

Rose tinted glasses are put on and you start to see him as something yummy, and relationship potential.

 

But the issue is that…

 

👉MEN DON’T BOND THROUGH SEX!😳😳😳

 

They want sex, they love sex, but they don’t fall in love and bond through sex.

 

They don’t feel compelled to get all up in their “feelings” because they had some damn good sex with you.

 

And it really just breaks down to basic primal natures here.

Men are created to sow their seed, women to nurture the seed.

 

(*I want to say that I am speaking generalized, of course exceptions apply to this basic human rule and the points I aim to make today are not just toward just women but also men, as they are all about development of the self to create a sustaining happy and healthy relationship with a partner.)

 

Now back to the meat and potatoes of sex, bonding and what ATTRACTS A HIGH VALUE MAN.

 

Let’s first define a high value man.

 

High value (man or women) AKA what society wants us to believe is woke, conscious, divine, spiritual, etc… whatever hootie- tootie popular labels you want to give it which are NOT (sorry, not sorry, just saying and you will see why.) EQUALS or is defined as…

 

👊Emotionally and physically Grown Up!👊

 

Of which the majority of both sexes are not.

 

To be emotionally and physically grown up you are emotionally mature, not meaning caught in your emotions, or overly emotional expressive or led by them, but that you can process them, understand them, look for understanding, compassion, love, empathy and can stand behind your words and values.

 

Being physically grown up means that you are RESPONSIBLE.

You can pay your bills, you take care of your stuff in all areas of life, you don’t have a bunch of chaos and baggage in your life, you are not in victim mode, you are self aware. PLUS…

You are sexually responsible for self and respect boundaries and needs. Such as birth control, safe sex methods, emotional/mental sexual boundaries and do not impose fantasies or past items onto your partner.

 

YOU GET THAT SEX IS NOT JUST PHYSICAL BUT ALSO MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL.

 

And you are human enough to care about the person that you are sleeping with.

 

💥MEN DON’T TYPICALLY BOND THROUGH SEX.💥

 

Meaning they don’t get as attached as women do in sex.

 

Men attach/bond through experiences,

through social activities with their woman,

hobbies, mutual interests, adventures.

 

👉By doing things together.👈

 

Because men are ACTION oriented.

They want to see a woman in action,

see how she deals with things.

What her responses are.

Where she loses her cool.

Her sense of humor, adventure, common grounds with them.

 

Can he drop into his masculine fully with her and trust her?

A man that is in victor consciousness NOT victim consciousness wants a woman he can trust.

 

IF HE IS LOOKING FOR COMMITMENT AND LOVE.

Partnership.

Relationship.

He wants foundation and direction.

 

 

👉What we have in today’s world is a bunch of talk and little to no action in our dating and relating.

 

Outside of some casual hook ups, which both parties enter fully armoured up emotionally and thus physically too. Providing limited pleasure or trust in any area.

 

And we attempt to build lasting relationships on THIS.

 

All that phone chatting,

that texting,

That face timing we women believe is connection and relationship building….

 

WELL IT’S NOT to a man.

 

We think we can build a deep, passionate, connective, emotional connection with  man and he will want to do life with us and take us seriously even if he is a thousand miles away and we only see him once a month.

 

Or he lives not that far away but we only see him one date night a week.

 

These sort of relating ideas keep separation and do not instill a desire from the man long term.

 

That is why so many women wonder,

 

“What happened?”

 

When the man they have been dating for so long all of a sudden ghosts them, disappears, or says that he wants to talk.

 

We women think,

“He must be a commitment phobe or emotionally unavailable.”

 

We hear all day long about those things.

👉👉👊The “wounded masculine.”😳😂🧐

 

 

Well, here is the thing…

 

It’s not about the wounded masculine, although that is a thing…

Most men however are actually just following their design code here and losing interest in you because they are NOT emotionally bonded with you the way that you are with them.

 

💥💥IT IS THAT SIMPLE.💥💥

 

Much like men.

Men are simple creatures.

Yes they are complex.

Yes they  have deep feelings.

Yes they are so many brilliant things.

 

But men, men are simple.

And when it comes to a man bonding to a woman,

opening his heart to her.

That means that he feels like he can TRUST her.

 

And an emotionally mature man, wants these things from a woman in order to that:

 

👊💥👉TRANSPARENCY – Its a popular word for today. Everyone talks about it but hardly anyone understands it, especially in relationship terms with an intimate partner. And if they do understand it at all, even one tenth then they may feel a bit of upset stomach… because transparency in relationship means this: If it is material to the relationship, meaning it may effect you or I, then it needs to be spoken, shared, etc.😳 And often we feel this is an embreaching on our personal boundaries and rights in relationship and that another person has no right to ask things of us or to know unless we are very committed. However, an emotionally mature person will want this from someone earlier on before they buy all the way into the relationship and commit. They will not have trust in you without it. ( men and women alike)

 

👊💥👉EMPATHY- Another hot word of our day and age. But empathy is more than just feeling someone else’s feelings, it’s also caring about their feelings. Women typically have bank accounts full of empathy when they are getting into a man,  so much so that many women become door mats to men and all they care about is how he feels.  THIS IS NOT ATTRACTIVE nor does it instill trust in your guy. He has had plenty of dealings most likely with women like you on this and he knows that it leads to blow up where the truth will come out. He does not want this! If he is truly a grown up man, he will want your truth in the moment and he will want to deal with it right there. Here comes your transparency… Other women get caught up in the contrast between their personal feelings and their guy’s feelings and they may become very entitled with their feelings, not caring about the man’s. This is because they may be bitter and resentful because of past situations and the fear and pain they still carry and have not worked through yet. This too, is NOT ATTRACTIVE or safe for the man. What a grown up man, a high value man is wanting and attracted to, what he can lean in and trust and commit to is him and his woman coming together and genuinely caring about each other’s feelings. That they both want to know where and how the other is.

 

👊💥👉YOU TAKE PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY – A high value man does not want a woman who is jaded, bitter, resentful and blaming men for where she is at in life. Just like you would not want that from him, he feels the same. And if someone is always complaining and not able to take responsibility for their part in past relationship failure and challenges, even if their partner ghosted, cheated, or abused them then they are still stuck in their wound and playing the victim. Taking responsibility for your actions, your choices and what is happening in your life is sexy and attractive.

 

👊💥👉YOU ARE A HEALTHY FIGHTER-  A grown A*s man understands that conflict will happen in intimate relationships. He knows that couples fight, but he wants to know that he can trust you even here to come from love and rock solidness with a desire to do what is right and best for the partnership not just YOU. He does not aim to be right and he will not be attracted to a woman whose mission is to prove that she is right and he is wrong.

 

👉Healthy fighting, especially in intimate relationships is about looking for happiness over rightness. 👈

 

This means that when friction comes up, you are willing to listen to your partner, be present, communicate back to them what you heard, receive any adjustments they may have, and ACCEPT that their viewpoint is true for them.

 

Then to offer your truth, being your viewpoint to them and explain anything in ease and understanding that they may have not fully grasped.

 

Then to come to a realistic agreement about the disagreement.

 

This is healthy conflict communication.

It is not about being right but standing in empathy and compassion with a desire to find happiness for both instead of rightness for one.

 

 

💥💥💥Last but not least…💥💥💥

 

 

👊💥👉YOU HAVE STANDARDS-  This means that your actions match your values. Yes YOUR ACTIONS!

Remember that men are action oriented and they need to see that they can trust you in different situations in life, physically, mentally, emotionally to have the standards of backing your values.

Your words ‘should’ just be a bi-product of your values.

Your actions need to line up to what you say you value.

If you say you value honesty, but you cannot be honest about where you want to go, what you need from him and then swallow your words around that and expect him to read your mind and get it right, only to bite his head off months later about it, then guess what… your actions DO NOT MATCH YOUR SAID VALUE.

 

It’s that simple.

If you wonder if you guy is a grown up, if he is a high value man, then this one thing is a vital key to finding out.

A “wounded masculine” or emotionally immature man will not want you to have standards. And he certainly will not like you supporting your standards/values with your actions and words.

 

 

👊👊👊BOTTOM LINE👊👊👊

 

MEN CAN GIVE THEIR BODIES AWAY FAR EASIER THAN WOMEN, BUT IT TAKES A LOT MORE SECURITY AND TRUST FOR THEM TO GIVE THEIR EMOTIONAL SIDE AND HEART.🥰

 

The whole package an emotionally and physically mature man is looking for starts with these elements in a woman, NOT being a freak in bed… not being his therapist on the phone for hours on end…not being his maid and cook… and not being his coach on the field of life.

 

As great as all of those things are and can be,

They have a time and place.

True partnership and commitment is based in trust.

 

👉👊😳All of these points I share here are a two way street ladies and gents. Gentlemen, a high value woman wants all the same from YOU!!!!

 

 

Ready to stop settling for less in love and commitment?

Want to call in that high value relationship that is actually a life long partnership?

Wanting your soulmate?

 

That’s what I specialize in, helping dynamic souls like you find love and happiness in a world that seems hopeless most days.

 

As Always,

Loving You From Here.

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

Helping dynamite powerful souls like yourself discover love and fulfilment is what my passion is. Over the last two decades I have worked with hundreds of women & men such as yourself to call in their soulmate by aligning to their truth. I have guided countless couples not to just rekindle a love that they thought was lost, but to create an empowered turned on and fully aligned partnership based in love with 8 simple steps. If you are a woman or man who is looking for happiness, love and abundance in life and is sick and tired of just getting by, reach out to me for a FREE Clarity Call today where we will define exactly what is holding you back, what you are wanting to call in and the next best steps to achieve your desired life. Message me to set up your FREE Clarity Call today.

IS YOUR COUPLEHOOD-PRIVILEGE CAUSING ISSUES IN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS?

 

🌹👩‍❤️‍👨👉IS YOUR COUPLEHOOD-PRIVILEGE CAUSING ISSUES IN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS?

 

It should not be, but it often does in today’s world.

 

This has been a BIG topic as of late and so here I am sharing it with you. I have heard everything from,

 

“Well your kids should be your primary relationship.”

“Is sex the only thing that changes things?”

“Why does your primary relationship have to be your mate/spouse/person you are dating-living with? Why can’t it be a friend?”

“It’s not fair that you spend the majority of your time/attention focused on your husband/wife/girlfriend/boyfriend, what about us/me?”

 

And so many more statements.

I have heard it from monogamous folks, polyomourous folks, and anything inside or outside of this as well. The children, friends, secondary lovers, family members of these couples are all complaining about…

 

👉👩‍❤️‍👨COUPLEHOOD-PRIVILEGE👩‍❤️‍👨👈

 

As if it’s a bad thing.

 

I mean how dare a couple choose each other, make each other a priority, want to focus time, attention, thought on each other and design a life together where they “do life in all ways – TOGETHER.”

 

How dare they make each other PRIMARY!

 

That is so self-centered and selfish of them, right?😂🤣😂

 

Well, the world around us with its desire to strip away labels and make everyone equal and the same certainly would have you believing so, however it’s just not true.

 

I believe that this sort of mindset comes from the same lineage as the one of , “There should be no winners or losers, we are all participants here and need to be treated equally. That’s the only fair thing.”

 

Well baby, life is extremely fair no matter what, I can promise you that.

Life gives you EXACTLY what you put into it.

The problem is that our society has come into this belief that things need to be equally balanced and fair where no one gets their ‘feelings’ hurt and no one gets more of anything (including your love, attention, time in a committed relationship).

 

👉If that were so, then what the heck is the point of getting into a committed relationship?

 

👉Why even look for love or want partnership?

 

And to a great degree what we are witnessing in the dating realm these days is just this…

 

💥A RISE IN CASUAL RELATIONSHIP.💥

 

No one wants to ask of someone else their needs.

People are afraid to share their boundaries.

They don’t want to impose on anyone else, because after all what right do they have to ask anything of the person they are wanting to be intimate with, share time and space with, make plans with, have babies with, go into debt with?

 

Instead, they just stay hushed up.

And this keeps relationships casual, disconnected, superficial and empty.

 

We fear asking because we don’t want to upset the cart, but what we don’t realize is that we are upsetting our own cart.

 

We are not loving or valuing ourselves and what we need and desire in a relationship when we do not state clearly these things.

 

And yet what do we see, with all the hushing and fear, we also have a bunch of extreme vocal victim mindset people out there, first in line to point fingers and blame as to how “others” are not being fair by not being inclusive.

 

They should not be allowed to do/be/have/act in any fashion that is not okay with whomever this complaining victim person is.

 

And it shows up in relationships.

 

Recently I was working with a couple who is monogamous, the wife has a best friend that is female, they are as close as can be, like sisters. Beautiful right?

However, the wife focuses more attention, time, energy to that friendship than she does to the marriage. To her husband. And if he asks for time, a date, or even travel, the wife says, “Well what about Jenny? I told her I was going to do this or that.”

 

The husband frustrated and feeling abandoned in the relationship is on the cusp of looking outside the relationship for other intimacy. After years of this attitude from his beloved wife he is truly struggling. As one might imagine.

 

The wife will make excuses to him about the fact that her friend being single needs her, she does not  have support and companionship like a couple so the wife feels it important to take her friend out to drinks and shows, on ‘girls trips’ multiple times a year.

 

👉THIS IS NOT HEALTHY FOR THE MARRIAGE!

 

Many women get enwrapped in their female friendships.

They support their fellow women as a sister-hood and it truly is beautiful and powerful. We ladies need this.

 

The issue comes in when we make our female friendships our priority to our partnership with our spouse/ the one we are dating and committed to.

 

Simply put,

 

👊YOUR FOCUS SHOULD ALWAYS FALL TO THE ONE YOU ARE WANTING TO DO LIFE WITH.👊

 

Otherwise, you won’t be doing life with them very long. 😳

or at least it will not be happy, connected, intimate, in sync or deep.

 

People get thier booty tickled over not being primary in someone’s life, they feel as though they are just cast away and mean nothing if they are not the center of attention or getting what they deem appropriate time and energy from whomever they want it from. This happens to all of us somewhere along the line, however the emotionally mature soul will understand that we are designed to have ONE primary partner.

 

In a partnership/marriage/intimate relationship this should be the person you are committed to here. ( Monogamous or polyomourous, does not matter.) THIS person gets the majority of the time and ALL others, children, friends, family, other lovers, etc are SECONDARY.

 

Yes dear, it’s a hierarchy and it is to be such so that the primary partnership remains just that – PRIMARY AKA PRIORITY.👊💥👊

 

Putting your priorities anywhere else for very long in a committed relationship will hinder and cause major long term issues in the relationship.

 

I have heard a lot about the negativity of hierarchy in partnership/committed relationships, to be honest I don’t see an issue unless it is being used as though one partner is boss over the other. That is not a partnership to begin with. Partnership means discussions, communication is key, transparency is a must and loving self, respecting yourself enough to speak those truthful words to your partner is a requirement in a happy, healthy partnership. It only becomes an unhealthy hierarchy if one person is fearful of losing the other if they are authentically themselves. If one partner feels they need to hide, change or become something to keep the partnership then it becomes an unbalanced hierarchy.

 

But a hierarchy it still should be.

A family cannot be equal where all family members get to have equal say and rights in making decisions. If we allow our ten year old to decide on family direction then things may be lost in the land of Minecraft. If you put your financial future into the hands of your 16 year old then how well will your golden years fair? And if you just give, give, give to your children, you will exhaust yourself and only find that your children are ungrateful and expectant not understanding real life issues at all.

 

Friendships cannot overrule your partnership either.

They must be secondary. They are friendships and if you feel called to give more here than to your life partner, you might want to reevaluate your partnership, because you are obviously not committed, in love or aligned the way you once were.

 

In an open relationship, if you allow your secondary partner(s) to become the focus point of your life, they will become your primary partner and your primary partner will be gone to someone who will value them properly.

 

In ALL couplehood the “couple” is a UNIT. 

It must be that two become ONE.(the hierarchy)

Having each other’s backs or losing each other to the wolves of all the other relationships that no matter how loving and supportive those outside relationships are, have themselves in mind and at the forefront of their focused desire.

 

YOU MUST DECIDE WHAT YOUR PRIORITY IS.

Where you put your attention will show the truth.

 

Is your couplehood-privilege causing issues in your other relationships? It certainly might be with the way our world operates, but if you truly love your partner, want to do all of life with them and want to know you have each other’s backs….

 

👉Set boundaries.

👉Have difficult conversations with those asking you to give, give, give.

👉get clear on what your couplehood goals and desires are.

👉And clean your relationship house up! Don’t be afraid to take out the trash of the relationships that cannot support your couplehood-privilege or are making demands on you that can destroy the love you have with your partner.

 

As Always,

Loving you from here,

 

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

Helping dynamite powerful souls like yourself discover love and fulfilment is what my passion is. Over the last two decades I have worked with hundreds of women & men such as yourself to call in their soulmate by aligning to their truth. I have guided countless couples not to just rekindle a love that they thought was lost, but to create an empowered turned on and fully aligned partnership based in love with 8 simple steps. If you are a woman or man who is looking for happiness, love and abundance in life and is sick and tired of just getting by, reach out to me for a FREE Clarity Call today where we will define exactly what is holding you back, what you are wanting to call in and the next best steps to achieve your desired life. Message me to set up your FREE Clarity Call today.

WHY CAN’T SHE SEE SHE’S BEAUTIFUL.

💃WHY CAN’T SHE SEE SHE IS BEAUTIFUL?👈💃

 

We ladies can be so needy sometimes and not even realize what we are doing. Granted, today I am sharing some most likely pretty obvious things that we ladies are guilty of asking our men, however my point in sharing these things is to enlightened the women of my page as to what is really going on when we reach out with this sort of inquiry and what we can do to better ourselves.

 

Self-love and acceptance is vital to an emotionally healthy person and relationship with another. Both sexes have numerous challenges around self-love and it often shows up in our communication with our partners. Personally speaking I can recall many times when I have been guilty of asking these questions myself, granted after doing much deep internal work it is rare today that I ask such things, but I do still realize when the words come off my lips what is actually at play and it has nothing to do with the question asked or my partner.

 

Instead it is 👉ALL ABOUT ME 👈and my own insecurity in the relationship or myself.

 

Here is the reality, we women often are guilty of giving up our power to men when we are in relationship, we do this in so many ways from not being able to make clear decisions when he asks us a questions around what we want/need, we fear hurting his feelings or ego, we get caught up in performance issues, wanting to be perfect all the time, making sure that he believes that he is always pleasing us in bed and will say that there is nothing bothering us in the relationship. Women are great at faking it! All the while we get overly fixated on what he is doing and what’s going on in all areas of his life. We end up operating from a place of diffused hyper focus, meaning we focus on EVERYTHING and see EVERYTHING as a threat.

 

This is giving our power away and not operating from a place of self-love, trust in the relationship or him and only from the defense.

Leading us to needing what might appear like constant validation from him.

 

If you are a woman, in a relationship and guilty of saying any of these following statements or some version of them, then pause for a moment, go internal and breathe into your heart. Hear me now beautiful…

 

 

🥰🌹👉YOU DON’T NEED A MAN TO VALIDATE YOU TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF!👈🌹🥰

 

💃Does this dress/outfit make me look fat/bad? – Perhaps one of the most common and old statements in the book when talking about women, however there is still a reason for it and that is that we ladies are dang good at setting these traps for our men. Most men today know not to take the bait but I ask you this…

 

How would you feel if he said yes?

A general rule of thumb and emotional maturity understanding in relationship and life is DON’T ASK A QUESTION IF YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE ANSWER.

 

So often we ask questions and then get upset or hurt by the response we get because it’s not in alignment to what we had hoped or wanted, then we finger point and blame the other person for being insensitive to our feelings and needs. This is not a mature response nor is it coming from a place of inner power. It sets us into victimhood and has us wounded around every corner.

 

I can tell you that this question is one you should just avoid.

Especially if you are a sensitive soul. Youmay believe that you want the truth, you want to know his opinion and want to know that he finds you attractive and beautiful but I have discovered over the course of a few relationships that if your man cares about you, desires you and is present with you…

 

💥YOU WILL NOT HAVE TO EVER ASK THIS QUESTION. 💥

 

Instead you will get an unasked for response that is something like this, “Wow babe! You’re stunning/hot/beautiful.”

 

You will see your man light up like you were standing before him naked. His turn on will be obvious.

 

💃Have you noticed anything different about me? – We ask this typically when we cut our hair, got our nails done, bought a new dress, etc. We are looking to see how tuned in he is to the subtle changes that we have made. And we are inquiring because we desire to know that he is focused on us at the level that so many women tend to focus on their man.  Again we are searching for acknowledgement and validation from him to make ourselves feel safe and good.

 

We women need to understand that men are pretty simple creatures. Yes they are deep and complex but they are more hyper focused on what is happening right in front of them then looking at every little detail of what is going on in our lives as women. They are designed to be fixers, leaders and protectors. If anything in these areas arises then they are on it, a knight in shining armour ready to serve the woman he loves.  Your change of lipstick color is not on that list and although he may notice how beautiful you are he may not put 1+1 together that your lips are a different color than yesterday.  Taking offense or thinking he is not being present enough from this is simply expecting a man to observe life more like a woman than the man that he is. 

 

At our core we women understand this, and what we are looking for is a need to be seen, appreciated and told we are beautiful, good, worthy of his love instead of knowing we are loveable and whole just as we are.

 

💃Do you think that woman is prettier than me? – Or some version of this. So many women will set  a trap here too and point out an attractive woman by saying something about the other woman’s dress, hair, eyes or what have you to draw her man’s attention there slyly. Again, be careful what you ask!!!! Most men recognize that his woman is looking for the response, “No babe, you are far more beautiful than her.” 

 

The reason we women ask this is because we are feeling insecure in our bodies or in the relationship. This particular question is a major sign of a fear and insecurity under the surface. Sometimes women who feel their mate might be cheating on them will start to ask these questions and pay great attention to where her man’s eyes are going when out to dinner or other public events. Granted with  affair rates ever escalating in committed relationships of today, there are plenty of good reasons for many women to be on the defense. We women need to realise that one reason out of many for why men cheat is because they are attracted to the confidence of another woman that we have lost. And much like a man who exhibits low-self esteem and confidence, it’s not attractive. Realize that when you as a woman reclaim your own power and focus on self-love and self-validation that you start to radiate again.

 

You must shift the narrative in your head to, ” I don’t need validation or approval from anyone to feel good about myself. I can feel good and love myself.”

 

💃What’s wrong babe? – My partner and I are deeply connected emotionally, mentally, energetically and physically. When he is ‘off’ I feel it right away and I feel insecure right away as well. His offness creates a fear in me that I have done something wrong, set him off, that he is pulling away from me and I have a deep desire to reel him back in. My concern rushes through my body and I start to over analyze myself and him.

 

THAT’S THE TRUTH.

 

I am a human woman. I have my fears and concerns and my baggage. Just like anyone. But this inquiry is still no good, even though I am guilty of offering it up to him more frequently then I should.

 

There are going to be times in relationships that our partner or us are out of sorts. We are going to notice this energetic/emotional change. The feminine wants to inquire, talk about it, emotionalize it, share tears and support each other. We women move through these times by venting. Men on the other hand, not so much.

Men need to be able to go internal and contemplate. They need to navigate their own emotions and thoughts without our neediness to be validated by them while they are problem solving. The one thing you can be certain of with a man who is strong in his masculine energy and who he is, is that if he has an issue he will bring it up pretty quickly. He is not going to let it sit and fester.

 

Most of the time when a man grows distant with his woman for a split second it has nothing to do with her or the relationship.

Again men are more hyper focused on what is right before them, unless they are problem solving a greater picture item or planning the future. However, for most life challenges they are dealing with whatever problem has made itself known in front of them. And this could be related to work, health, house, family, etc.

 

Where we women like to wrap it all together and hyper focus from a more global view making everything about us and the relationship.

 

💃What are you thinking? – This should have been number one or two in truth as it’s right in alignment with the last bullet point. We ladies are notorious for asking our men this question when we feel he is not being present with us and often this happens when he is focused on something else such as a sports game, a work project, or just chilling watching birds. Women in general have more issues with silence than men in relationships. Silence equates to disconnect. The natural feminine wants to be vocal and chit chat. Vent and share.

 

However, the natural mascuiline is about directness. It’s logical and based on what is needed versus taking up space with things that are just wasters of time, energy, or focus.

 

💥MEN FOCUS ON WHAT IS IN FRONT OF THEM.💥

 

So when you step into the path and shift his focus from what he was problem solving, contemplating or him just escaping away to his ‘nothing box’ as Mark Gungor shares in his talk, ‘The Tale of Two Brains” which I highly recommend all men and women who are in relationship or want in relationship listen to the full version of on Youtube, that you are shifting the narrative to:

 

“What are you thinking?”

 

Only says, I am feeling insecure and I need you to validate me and tell me we are good, safe and I am good and safe.

 

👊🤯💃LADIES, ALL OF THESE THINGS REFLECT A LEVEL OF NEEDINESS THAT IS NOT SUPPORTIVE TO YOUR RELATIONSHIP OR YOUR MAN.💃🤯👊

Let alone yourelf.

 

It’s high time, we women get clear on loving ourselves.

 

If we want to live a life of abundance and devote ourselves to love and a soulmate relationship, then we have to do our own deep inner work and know that we are worthy without the validation from anyone else.

 

Consistently, handing over our power in relationships and allowing ourselves to feel this level of insecurity creates a wishy-washy energy and makes us appear less attractive, strong, centered and trust worthy to a high value man.

 

We are more likely to step away from our authentic selves and offer up what we feel will keep the peace or to try and become something that we believe he wants instead of being who we truly are.

 

💥A HIGH VALUE MAN DOES NOT WANT THIS VERSION OF YOU. HE WANTS YOUR AUTHENTIC YES OR NO. HE WANTS YOUR BRILLIANCE AND CONFIDENCE.💥

 

And he most certainly does not want to feel like he is responsible for your emotions.

 

Which he is not!

 

👉Ready to step into a conscious, loving, emotionally mature soulmate relationship?

 

👉Desiring to feel complete in yourself and no longer needing validation from any man?

 

👉Wanting to immerse yourself in the relationship of your dreams but tired of calling in men who cannot hold you?

 

Then it’s time to claim your power.

Reach out to me today to learn the secrets and mysteries of the empowered women.

 

As Always,

Loving you from here.

 

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

Helping dynamite powerful souls like yourself discover love and fulfilment is what my passion is. Over the last two decades I have worked with hundreds of women & men such as yourself to call in their soulmate by aligning to their truth. I have guided countless couples not to just rekindle a love that they thought was lost, but to create an empowered turned on and fully aligned partnership based in love with 8 simple steps. If you are a woman or man who is looking for happiness, love and abundance in life and is sick and tired of just getting by, reach out to me for a FREE Clarity Call today where we will define exactly what is holding you back, what you are wanting to call in and the next best steps to achieve your desired life. Message me to set up your FREE Clarity Call today.

4 TYPES OF MEN THAT WILL NEVER MAKE YOU A PRIORITY.

👊👊💥4 TYPES OF MEN THAT WILL NEVER MAKE YOU A PRIORITY💥👊

 

Or ladies…

This bit of relationship reality can pertain to both sexes, however I will be addressing it toward the women looking for love and commitment with a man.

 

👉👉👉SO YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW TO STOP BEING AN OPTION TO HIM?

 

The simple answer would be, ‘BE A MF HIGH VALUE WOMAN!’

I mean that’s what a lot of relationship coaches will tell you.

Just lean into your feminine.  Relying on the man to do it all will never work, it will however land you in the middle of heartbreak over and over again. You cannot rely on the man to vet the relationship. You as the woman MUST do your inquiry on the front side and take full responsibility for figuring out if he is one of these four types of men or not. If you truly want to find love and commitment then before you ever meet you need to explore who he is and how aligned you really are.

 

You see our world supports swipe dating and this sort of dating desensitizes us to actual connection to another human being.

 

It focuses us on attraction instead of values, how our lives may blend together or not and if a person is emotionally mature.

When we focus on attraction we get caught up in the idea that the most valuable thing is chemistry and if you have chemistry then love will solve all other challenges.

 

👊👊🥰LOVE DOES NOT SOLVE RELATIONSHIP WOES!🥰👊👊

 

 

Sorry to break it to you beautiful, but love is not the answer to everything, as wonderful as it may sound. 👉What solves issues in relationship is emotional maturity and alignment. 👈

 

And there is a major difference between emotional maturity and being in touch with your emotions.  That is a whole nother conversation however, and if you want more in depth coaching on how to discover the difference as well as to develop your own emotional maturity to call in aligned matches, reach out to me in the comments or privately. This is my expertise.

 

Your hyper focus on chemistry is killing your vetting game!

Unfortunately, both sexes are walking into the dating realm looking for the generalized idea of what they deem love and commitment. However, they have no real intentionality in their exploration, meaning they are not being conscious about, “Who is really compatible with me? or What sort of questions should I be asking before I give my heart/solitude/space in my life away? And how do I know if this person is emotionally mature?”

 

The concept of , “Time will tell.” is not something that many people really want to invest in and with good reason. For the majority of the singles who are over fourty years old, midlife dating means that they don’t want to waste time with bad eggs. However 75% of that bracket of singles looking for love are divorced. They have alimony, child support, visitation rights, family court stuff, erectile dysfunction, menopause, job issues, retirement fears, and elderly parents just to name a few things. A completely different set of challenges than those in their twenties and thirties and if you are a midlifer they you get it.

 

EVEN MORE IMPORTANT TO FIND ALIGNMENT AND EMOTIONAL MATURITY THEN JUST LOOKING FOR CHEMISTRY AND PHYSICAL ATTRACTION.

 

👉The idea that if we have mutual chemistry it will lead to love is false! 🤯

 

REALITY: Love only comes over time and life challenges that two people commit to overcome and support each other on.

 

You do not find love on a first, second, or even third date.

That feeling of love at first sight…

Yeah it’s actually lust or limberance.

 

You could say that love is earned.

Might sound conditional, because it most certainly is and should be on the front side. Giving your heart away so freely is naive and immature. It is not self-loving or respectful and it drives me crazy to hear so many ladies out there say, “I can’t help it… I have such a big heart and so much love. I wear my heart on my sleeve.”

 

Well ladies (and sensitive gents alike), if you are guilty of this, realize that you need to do a little bit of internal work and learn to love yourself enough to be clear with who you are and what you want and be emotionally strong and stable. This is a major piece to emotional maturity. Handing over your heart and love so easily will only cause you suffering.

 

👊👊💥 MUTUAL ATTRACTION DOES NOT MEAN THAT HE IS THE ONE FOR YOU!💥👊👊

 

He may take the lead and drop you into your feminine.

You may have that knee popping kiss that we see in movies and desire.

He may have all the right bullet points on the resume that you have created in your head.

And you may “feel this energy” that you just want to lose yourself into.

 

None of that means that he is your soulmate however.

None of it means that you are aligned or that he is emotionally mature.

Only going deep into inquiry, asking the right questions, being honest about your intentions around relationship will set the stage for you to better make an informed decision on if he is worth your time, energy, heart and sex.

 

Men can leap through many relationships far easier than women.

Understand that. They are designed to sow their seed. For the majority of women however, if they are wanting love and commitment not just a hookup where they remain armoured up against true connection and unity, this sort of bouncing the spectrum with so many men will shatter them emotionally.

Leaving them feeling unwanted, not valued except for their sex, not lovable and as though they are always an option to the men they set their eye and heart on.

 

👉So what are the 4 types of men that will make you an option?

 

Being an option to someone means that you are not a priority.

Basically speaking, when someone is always too busy ( and we are all busy AF in our lives, especially us midlifers. ) They are saying, 💥”You are not important to me.”💥

 

You can always see where someone’s priorities are seated, because that is exactly where they will be investing their time, energy and heart.  If you are looking for a relationship, a partnership for a lifetime and love, then realize that if you are not creating the space for it in your life then you really do not value it or want it.

 

👊The 4 Types of Men (or Women) Who will NEVER Make You A Priority Are: 👊

 

💥Men who lack purpose and/or passion. – The majority of our world goes to work each day. They identify themselves with their career but they hate what they do. They are not passionate about their work or what they are offering the world and this often goes hand in hand with purpose, because the purpose behind their work is simply to pay the bills.  The issue with passionaless and purposeless people is that they are suffering internally. They suffer from core identity, putting who they are as a career and a responsible person in place of truly knowing themselves. This translates to them typically having destructive behaviors because they lack core foundation and THAT makes them incapable of creating a healthy foundation in a relationship as well. When a person lacks passion/purpose you may see it come out in the use of drugs and alcohol, they may date excessively, become sexaholics or even develop avoidant personalities.

 

👊👊💥REALIZE THIS: EXCESSIVE DATING AND A NEED TO BE AROUND PEOPLE OR HAVE SEX EXCESSIVELY IS A FORM OF SELF-MEDICATION.💥👊👊

 

These sort of men will never make you a priority because they are lost in who they are at a core level.  Our passions and purpose can and will change/transform through our lives, however if we do not know who we are we are not ready for authentic love, relationship or soulmate partnership.

 

💥Men who have a bunch of chaos going in their life. – (Job issues, health, financial, child issues, family, etc). This might seem like the net to meet someone just shrinked incredibly, especially for all the midlifers out there. And I am not saying to totally disregard these men and not date them, just don’t get caught up in the web of believing that you can “fix them” and if you do fix them that they will be yours and love will heal it all. Those of you who want to always fix someone, are falling into the idea that things will change,   you are making excuses for your partners behaviors and attitudes, for their immaturity. Realize that you will only exhaust yourself. Don’t get made at the fact that you are the one choosing these projects only to discover that you are beating your head against a brick wall.

 

👊👊💥STOP BEING IN RELATIONSHIP WITH A PROJECT!💥👊👊

 

You want to play and learn yourself with a project? FINE.

You want to learn about your likes, dislikes, needs and desires with a project? FINE.

But if you are just getting to know someone and they are project central, then get real with yourself and don’t give your heart away.

We can all be projects at times in our lives.

We can all have a bunch of chaos blossom in our lives.

Alignment and emotional maturity however, will show you if you are in a constant construction sight, where the person you have set your eye on is willing and able to build something or not. And from here you can make a decision if you want to support and grow together or if you need to look elsewhere.

 

💥A man who is set in his ways. -Typically this happens as we age. People who are older, who have not been in any or very few or limited significant primary relationships to any degree can become VERY set in their ways which means that they are set in how they do life ALONE, making it a challenge to put someone else, especially on the front side of learning each other, as a priority. They may also suffer from a lack of emotional immaturity because they have not had the relationship challenges and lessons as others.

 

💥A casual relationship man who offers/request monogamy/exclusivity out the gates but has no real desire to be in a committed relationship. – This is a bit harder to identify than the others, because we believe that making a request or offering up exclusivity is a sign of commitment and desire to explore a relationship. However, that is not always the case and you will often find that one or more of the other items will come into play with this person, from above.

 

You must understand what commitment means if you are wanting it, and realize that it is not exclusivity. Nor does it come right away… commitment comes with love.

 

👉LOOK AT THE TRADITIONAL MARRIAGE VOWS IF YOU WANT A GOOD DEFINITION OF WHAT COMMITMENT IS.👈

 

Commitment means, “I’ve got your back!”

For better or worse.

In sickness and health.

Richer or poorer.

 

If you are not willing to wipe the puke off of someone’s face, sit by their bedside in a hospital room for weeks/months on end, support them in a time of financial strife, etc. then you are not committed!

 

You have to want and be willing to commit to all the shiz that comes with someone else when you get into a real authentic relationship and encompass all of what it means to be partners in life.

 

This alone takes courage, emotional maturity, and commitment to the relationship.

Of course loves plays a significant role,

and love grows the commitment.

 

However as long as you stay focused on being wined and dined, romanced and following the energy, the lure of someone’s physical appearance and the chemistry you have in the moment that feels so hot and yummy, YOU WILL NOT BE A PRIORITY TO WHOMEVER THIS OTHER PERSON IS.

 

Get aligned to yourself!

Set your intentions in what you want in a relationship.

Ask the right questions before you have sex, open your heart up and let all the butterflies in your tummy loose.

 

🌹BEFORE YOU PUT THOSE ROSE TINTED GLASSES ON – INQUIRE, INQUIRE, INQUIRE ON IF THIS PERSON IS THE MOST COMPATIBLE FOR YOU.🌹

 

And if you want some help learning those questions to ask,

on developing your core and loving yourself into a place of commanding in respect, and being valued to a level of being someone’s priority, then reach out to me today. Its my passion and purpose to help people like you find their soulmate relationship and thrive in abundance.

 

As Always,

Loving you from here.

 

Stop Existing & Start Living

 

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

Helping dynamite powerful souls like yourself discover love and fulfilment is what my passion is. Over the last two decades I have worked with hundreds of women & men such as yourself to call in their soulmate by aligning to their truth. I have guided countless couples not to just rekindle a love that they thought was lost, but to create an empowered turned on and fully aligned partnership based in love with 8 simple steps. If you are a woman or man who is looking for happiness, love and abundance in life and is sick and tired of just getting by, reach out to me for a FREE Clarity Call today where we will define exactly what is holding you back, what you are wanting to call in and the next best steps to achieve your desired life. Message me to set up your FREE Clarity Call today.

I’LL LOVE YOU RIGHT OUT THE DOOR.

👉👉🤯I’LL LOVE YOU RIGHT OUT THE DOOR!👈👈
What a topic this seems to be.
And yet not.
We are living in a world that wants unconditional love.
Free love and acceptance.
We want to be able to have our cake and eat it too.
And I have been an advocate of this movement for a decade!
Only to turn around and say WTF!
So today I am going to share with you my thoughts and conversations on my recent road trip to Kansas City and back home.
It all started with a few posts about the polyomourous lifestyle.
Open relationships and what’s good or not good.
And then it drifted into the ideas and desires of our relationship world that has so many believing that it’s best to have multiple relationships and not tie down a partner.
Because after all…
🦄IF YOU LOVE SOMETHING SET IT FREE.🥰
So here is the jist of what I read from someone else + my added feelings about it…. please imagine that my words are in red… they are actually in parenthesis.
💥“One of the most important things you’ll ever do in your relationship is set your partner free.” (Beautiful sentiment and so true… I couldn’t agree more… what sort of freedom are we talking about?)
💥“An insecure person may interpret that as setting them free to be with someone else or setting them free to run the street! Or simply free to get away from you.” (You can never force someone to stay with you, unless you are using actual force or mental/emotional/financial abuse to some measure. At the end of the day we are all “free” to be with someone or not. Married or not. Setting someone free does not mean you are saying “fine leave me… or is it? because perhaps, and the point behind this article, sometimes that’s exactly what it means. Perhaps the most loving thing is to set your partner free to leave you. – Free to run the street? What does that mean? to hook up as they like? to do drugs/drink/hang with the wrong crowd and bring nothing but drama and trauma back to the home? IDK about you, but that’s not love to allow a loved one, partner or child/sibling/friend to do that. intervention might be needed. Free to have sex with whom ever they choose???? And this is what it comes down to, right?
But this is called defining the relationship. It’s called being aligned. It’s called knowing what you want in a partner and what your most loving self-boundaries are… did you hear that? 👉SELF-BOUNDARIES👈 not I love you so much that I will let you stomp all the f-ck over me telling me that if I don’t say yes to your desire that I don’t love you. As for the insecure part of this statement, well not sure there… Are your needs in a relationship coming from your need to control another person or from your desire to protect your relationship and did you priorly discuss the above items only to have them changed on you?)
💥“But when you love something you don’t smother it, you don’t restrict it, you don’t try to control it! When you love something you want to see it reach its full potential, to be as happy as possible, whether you’re part of creating that happiness or not.”
(ABSOF-CKINGLUTLY!!!! – however why is it that if someone asks for exclusivity with someone that is related to smothering, controlling, handicapping the other? Why is it okay for one side to ask for the other to just put their boundaries/needs/etc down and even risk their health so that another can just pretend to be single yet have all the rewards of a committed couplehood? Well it’s not okay! And either side you sit on, if you are requiring your partner to be/do/act/allow something that they themselves are a f-ck no too, then you are on the un-loving side. 👈Thats is self-centered and immature. Plain and simple, if you are dating a dog🐶 but you are cat 🐱then stop expecting the dog to be good with your cat needs and desires!!!!! and vise versa. Date your species… marry your species! Do you want happiness? Do you want compatibility? do you want to feel understood, seen, heard, loved, accepted, respected? well it comes down to box checks my luv… get right with how you do relationship and what you want in a relationship. Know where you are at in life, and I speak this to you from a deep understanding as I was monogamous and VERY unhappy for almost two decades, then I was polyomourous for a decade, then I went back to monogamous because I was tired….lol yet I was still ‘playing around and not serious in relationship’ THEN I met someone… and I knew at my core it was time to get REAL, to level up my relating and to go deep like I never went before. And you know what changed it all? 🤯ALIGNMENT & HEART CONNECTION🙏I knew it was real for the first time in my life, what I had was worth saying no to the surface level sexing, relating, connecting and my own solitude and individuality. That’s how you know luv!!!)
💥“Setting my partner free to me means allowing them to do what they want to do, have the friends they want to have that make them happy, and support their dreams and aspirations, even if it takes away from us!” – (OKAY… yes to some of this but here are my thoughts, do what you want to do, sure as long as it does not cause trauma/drama/chaos/or sabotage you, me or us. Friends that make them happy… absolutely, as long as we both understand that oposite sex friends can and often do cause issues in relationship. Opposite sex friendships on both sides are doorways waiting to be entered, so be careful because they may actually be your backup line incase our relationship does not work out and just waiting for an opportunity to support you better than me. BTW, that’s called protecting the relationship… if you value it that is and know that your partner is worth the protection. Support dreams and aspirations, well hell yes… did you know that watching your partner do what they love and are good at is one of the ways we build desire for our mates. Seeing them shine is a connective agent and is a win-win for both parties. It allows us to have healthy space and see our partner in a different light. 👉☠Even if it takes away from us☠👈. Yes, this is a death statement. Granted in life and in relationship there are phases to everything and sometimes that means we have to work longer hours to achieve our goals and this may for a time frame take away from the us factor, however this needs to be discussed and agreed upon, and IF both parties are emotionally mature and centered in who they are, not needing constant build up and attention from their partner, then there should be little to no issue. Goals and dreams are good for the whole. If ones partner wants to put more time into another relationship, such as a friendship or if you are in an open relationship a secondary partner, THEN you have to question what does my partner value more? Who is primary? A friendship or secondary lover SHOULD NEVER take primary relationship status unless your primary is not cutting it and you are walking out. If you claim to be in love with your partner and that they are your significant other, you are exclusive with them, they are your primary relationship then realise that, that means that most of your time and attention will be focused toward them. If it’s any other way then you are asking for unalignment to form.
💥“The mistake that many of us make is that once we get in a relationship we make our partners world smaller… not bigger!” – (TRUE THAT!!!!! but not by asking for alignment. Not by having healthy agreed upon boundaries in all areas. Not by defining the relationship to what BOTH parties want and desire. We only make our partner’s world smaller by forcing our will on them and not accepting that if they say otherwise that they don’t love us unconditionally or at all.)
🤯🥰🥰THIS FREE SPIRITED OPEN MINDED AND RELATIONSHIP WOMAN would say bye-bye to her man in two seconds if he wanted a secondary partner or if he requested from me something that was harming to my mind, heart, body or soul. And he would do the same if the tides were turned… this I am certain.
I know what open relating is about, after a decade of living and breathing, teaching it, I get it.
AND I THINK ITS POWERFUL AND BEAUTIFUL.
But it is just as controlling as monogamy if your partner is not aligned to you.
In truth, it teaches great communication skills.
It teaches all about transparency and jealousy.
It gives you permission to explore and get to know yourself like no monogamous relationship will allow.
But once you know who you are and you know what you want,
you certainly might find out that you are sick and tired of the game playing and the uncertainty of always knowing that your love may just walk right out the door and say, “You knew what you were getting into, you should not have become so attached.”
Well my luv, detachment is a powerful tool for sure.
But when we speak of love, commitment and soulmates…
YOU MUST BE WILLING TO IMMERSE yourself fully into that other soul, into the relationship and thus yourself.
Meaning that you will no longer settle for what is not aligned and allow your love to be greater for another than yourself.
From here you will love them right out the door, because they are not your home.
As Always,
Loving you from here.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Helping dynamite powerful souls like yourself discover love and fulfilment is what my passion is. Over the last two decades I have worked with hundreds of women & men such as yourself to call in their soulmate by aligning to their truth. I have guided countless couples not to just rekindle a love that they thought was lost, but to create an empowered turned on and fully aligned partnership based in love with 8 simple steps. If you are a woman or man who is looking for happiness, love and abundance in life and is sick and tired of just getting by, reach out to me for a FREE Clarity Call today where we will define exactly what is holding you back, what you are wanting to call in and the next best steps to achieve your desired life. Message me to set up your FREE Clarity Call today.

I CONTEMPLATE DEATH FREQUENTLY… AND THIS IS WHAT I HAVE LEARNED ABOUT LIFE, LOVE, PLEASURE AND JOY BECAUSE OF IT.

🧐☠️🤯I CONTEMPLATE DEATH FREQUENTLY… AND THIS IS WHAT I HAVE LEARNED ABOUT LIFE, LOVE, PLEASURE AND JOY BECAUSE OF IT. 🤯💀☠️
“Nothing is permanent.”
There are few things that we can be certain of in our life experience.
Those being:
👉Change.
👉Suffering.
👉Death.
And THAT is all you get!
That is what life offers you my love.
Anything else is for your molding.
It’s very zen of me to focus on death and suffering in truth.
Life is truly about suffering and how we choose to deal with it.
Suffering is not really a bad thing, I say that from my deepest heart space. Suffering brings with it the birth of desire. It creates in its wake the contrast needed for us to learn who we are and what we want to experience in life.
Life is a wild ride and God/universe is its reign holder.
But you my sweet are equally in charge of the way that your life moves. And you do so by accepting that the above three guarantees are just that – 👊GUARANTEES. 👊
From there you get to choose how you will live your life.
And the sad reality is that so many of us humans choose poorly. 😢
Now, don’t let this share today rain on your parade by any means.
It’s actually a share of sunshine, rainbows and unicorns farting glitter dust everywhere. 🤣🧚‍♀️🦄
I find myself contemplating death frequently when I look with depth into my relationship with my man.
Never before have I feared this space of transition, ending, death.
I have never walked into an intimate relationship thinking to myself, “Wow, I better really practice detachment here. This man holds me to a level of my soul that I have always dreamt of but never anticipated to manifest. I fear losing him.”
And that is the truth.
🥰”I FEAR LOSING THIS LOVE.”🥰
I do not fear him leaving me.
I do not fear my saying goodbye.
I do not fear the passing of our love into something that is no longer love, HOWEVER I do respect the reality that someday,
and in my book all too soon, because a thousand years is not long enough to wake in his arms, that we will have to say goodbye to the physical that we know so well and find comfort in.
Life has taught me much about suffering and loss.
From the loss of my parents, the loss of siblings and dear friends.
From the edge of the sword with my grandson and his heart transplant to the loss of financial security, business, health, safety and love.
👉Life has revealed its cruelty and beauty all in the same.
The blessings within the fear. 👈
And what I am certain of is that until we humans fear with respect death, change, and suffering for the blessing that it is we find ourselves never truly living.
We avoid living to our fullest and allowing ourselves to be ravished by life, because we fear these things I share here.
We stand aloof in our hearts and souls, armoured and protected at our gates worrying about a future that we are preventing by staying unattached from the greatest experiences life has to offer.
We run from these blessings by some psychotic idea that we can control life and its outcome.
Which is the same for every living thing on this planet.
Death. ☠️
And by doing so we armour ourselves and hide in our suffering instead of embracing it.
We avoid what we deem bad or evil.
Crap luck.
We drink ourselves into blindness.
We hide under the covers of drugs and medicines.
We harbour our hearts with dis-ease and scarcity.
And we point our fingers outward and blame.
Blame life for these evils and pain that we experience.
Ignoring what we are being blessed with altogether.
The beauty of the opportunity to live fully.
We are fearful that God/universe will come and steal it all away from us if we allow ourselves to be fully immersed into everything sacred, beautiful, yummy and good.
Yet this my love is the sacred romance from God/universe.
This is God courting us into the deepest levels of who we really are and our desires.
We deny our truth and desire for living unbound, fulfilled and in rapture by being irresponsible with the blessings that are bestowed upon us in the blessings of suffering, change and death.
We focus so much on losing, that we step away from our present blessings of love, joy, happiness, fulfillment to focus on what is inevitable.
All things transform. Nothing is permanent.
At first in my relationship with my partner, I avoided my heart.
I spoke non-truths and attempted to hide my heart and soul from him and myself so that I would not feel pain again. I knew at my core that he was what I had been waiting for. I knew that we were deeply bonded as though we had already been soul-merged for a millenia, and it scared me.
I trembled in fear of losing him before we ever became intimate.
I feared him turning away from me, from God snagging him out of my life long before we dated. Long before I admitted my heart to myself I feared the loss. And I did everything in my earthly power to armour against him, to hide myself from the love and connection.
I ran.
And then when we stepped down the path of couple-hood, I still tested the waters of arguing with my soul.
Hiding and not allowing myself the permission to breathe him in.
To feel this love.
Still some days, I wake in fear.
And I want to run because I do not want to experience the pain.
The emptiness.
I fear my heart being torn right out of my body.
At the thought of losing him.
And then I come back home to him and I.
I bring my attention into the present.
And I allow myself to fully be immersed into the NOW.
I stop the worry, the fear, the agonizing over what will certainly come in our distant goodbye of this physical AND instead I breathe into us here and now.
I share this with you today, because I see many people suffering without any end in sight.
I see so many couples agonizing over the things that they have no control over and the fact that they desire control over the natural cycles of life and love.
I see so many couples and singles alike ignoring the beauty of their lives.
The depth of their relationships and sex.
I witness so many dynamic souls hiding from living the abundance and glory that they were born to live and instead pursuing fear and pain.
🤯YOU WERE BORN TO BE RIPPED OPEN BY LIFE AND LOVE!
That is your sole purpose.
You are not to be tamed by life.
You are not to be safe in life.
You are not to be harboured up and feel nothing, detached from your heart and soul.
NO my love, you are here to feel.
To experience.
To transform.
And if you can understand this truth today,
you will meet me in the garden of death and appreciate your NOW.
Because that is all any of us ever have.
👉The NOW.👈
And you are missing it and all its rapture of love, joy, abundance and pleasure that it offers because you are looking so far into the future and fearing what will come for all of us.
☠My take on the lessons of contemplation of this subject is that I would rather die knowing that I have lost myself in the full immersion of loving completely (body, mind, heart and soul) than to continue to hide myself from it.
☠I would rather embrace life and all its wonders and joys by knowing that I have shared every breath of my soul experience in the way that feels most aligned at my core then to blame the world and life for the shortcomings that are not really such but instead opportunities to expand and grow.
☠In looking at life, I see that there really is nothing to fear but fear itself as the saying goes. God is a wild God, a creator of dramatic experiences that birth us into all that we are meant to become.
And if we are to gain every blessing we can in our lives then we must have faith and lean all the way into such beauty as intimate love and commitment of our souls with another that we know at a soul level like no other.
We must stop the insanity of getting caught up in our futures that are never coming and instead Awaken to our present.
Embrace joy, pleasure, love, abundance.
And dance in our shattering, our rapture, our birth.🦄🥰🥳
Because that is exactly what uniting at a soul level with another is.
Are you ready my love for this beauty?
Ask yourself today:
👉🥰👉”What aspect of your love story do you fear will be taken away by life if you give yourself permission to fully immerse into it and receive?”
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
Helping dynamite powerful souls like yourself discover love and fulfilment is what my passion is. Over the last two decades I have worked with hundreds of women & men such as yourself to call in their soulmate by aligning to their truth. I have guided countless couples not to just rekindle a love that they thought was lost, but to create an empowered turned on and fully aligned partnership based in love with 8 simple steps. If you are a woman or man who is looking for happiness, love and abundance in life and is sick and tired of just getting by, reach out to me for a FREE Clarity Call today where we will define exactly what is holding you back, what you are wanting to call in and the next best steps to achieve your desired life. Message me to set up your FREE Clarity Call today.

“ON THE MARKET” TILL YOU PUT A RING ON MY FINGER.

💍”ON THE MARKET” TILL YOU PUT A RING ON MY FINGER.

 

So some say.

How do you feel about this?

Would love to hear all the comments on this topic.

 

Recently I was privy to a conversation around “what defines couplehood?” And to my surprise (and yet not) so many men and women alike focused on the legal aspects of what makes you  a couple.

 

Making statements such as,

“How do you file your taxes? There you have your answer if you are single or a couple.”

 

“According to legal paperwork you have to fill out, ‘dating’ or ‘engaged’ is not an option for selection, so you are single unless married.”

 

“If someone passes away and you are not married then you are just considered friends no matter the time you have no rights, so you are single unless married.”

 

And so many more statements along these lines.

 

True as these statements are when looking at couplehood from a legal aspect, the question is not one of legalities unless you only value the legal and not the heart.

 

🌹💍🌹 SO WHAT DEFINES COUPLEHOOD?🌹💍🌹

 

Is it monogamy?

Exclusivity?

What about those couples who are in an open relationship? Swingers? Poly?

Are they not couples because they have agreed upon multiple partners?

 

Is it the legal aspect, a ring, an “I DO.” and a contract that binds?

What about those who are living together but have not crossed that line yet, are engaged? Or maybe don’t believe in marriage but believe in love and commitment?

 

👉🤯DO YOU CONTINUE TO SHOP FOR THE BEST MATE UNTIL A RING AND CONTRACT ARE DRAWN UP? -NO MATTER THE LIVING ARRANGEMENT, THE SPOKEN COMMITMENT, THE PLANNING?

 

And how does this equate to love and commitment?

 

Would you want to marry someone who is still shopping for the better choice even though they tell you they are in love with you?

 

Here is what one woman said, and I quote:

“Until you’re married you are single 👌

Now you may be courting, dating or in a committed relationship,

but you’re still “on the market” until you’re no longer available.”

 

Last time I looked at this thread 44 people agreed and loved this woman’s sentiment.

And maybe you are one of them.

 

I cannot help it, as polarizing as it may be to some, I strongly disagree.

 

This statement says – ” I AM NOT COMMITTED NOR IN LOVE.”

 

IF YOU WANT:

👊Commitment

👊Trust

👊Rock Solid

👊The ability to surrender to love.

 

Then baby you gotta give up the market.

 

If you count yourself “still available until paperwork and a ring” you will NEVER find the above list of vital ingredients to a strong, stable, loving relationship.

 

You will NEVER feel loved nor safe.

 

👉Because you CANNOT trust someone who is always looking for something better.👈👈👈

 

The issue with this statement is that love, one’s heart and soul, true soul connection is being ignored in the pursuit for the shiniest new object that can fill the greatest amount of earthly needs.

 

THIS LEAVES WHOMEVER YOU ARE WITH FEELING REPLACEABLE.🤯

 

Uncertainty is the foundation to lack of trust.

Which translates to lack of respect.

And no desire to open the heart.

 

This way of viewing love (if you can even call it that) is based in need alone.

 

And in my opinion after working with thousands of individuals and couples over the last almost two decades I can tell you honestly THIS is the cause of so much pain and suffering.

 

More often than not, couples come to me because they discover that they never loved their partner fully. They never felt fully aligned, or matched to them.

 

However, their partner had the money, the house, the romance, the looks, the stamina, the intelligence, was a ‘great’ guy or sweet woman… blah… blah…blah…

 

And then they find themselves one day on a trip with friends, having a few too many drinks and having an affair with the resort tennis instructor from Italy because he is the shiny new object that rocks their boat and makes them feel alive.

 

And after all, they are not married.

So they owe nothing to the person at home.

Forget the last however many years…

Forget the lifelong plans…

The goals and dreams supposedly shared.

 

OR…

 

Maybe they are married.

And, “Oops, I slipped, it won’t happen again. I drank too much.”

 

I can tell you this, no matter the agreements what defines couplehood is COMMITMENT, TRUST, TRANSPARENCY.

 

And above all else LOVE.

 

And when you are really  in love with someone,

you have zero desire to dilute that  love with outside influences.

You see the beauty in the mirror of your partner.

You respect them, honor them, appreciate them and realize that communication, authenticity and a desire to make your relationship rock solid is priority.

 

YOU ARE NOT LOOKING FOR SOMETHING BETTER.

 

💍Ring or no ring…

It Doesn’t matter.

 

Although it may to those in your life.

 

🤯Perhaps your family and friends will not honor, respect or see the relationship as committed UNLESS there is a ring and a contract signed?

 

🤯Perhaps you will find yourself always fighting off the wolves who want to test your commitment until they see that there is a “REAL” boundary there?

 

All that matters however, is how you define couplehood.

How do you view love?

Commitment?

What are your values around relationships?

 

If you are with someone and still looking for something better, but holding onto them because “something is better than nothing” then at very least BE REAL with the one you are with and tell them that this is how you feel.

 

Give them the option to hang with you while you explore or to find someone who will want them for them and match their needs/wants/desires in a relationship that’s aligned to their soul.

 

👊👊CAUSE BABY, IT AIN’T TRUE LOVE NOR YOUR SOULMATE CONNECTION IF YOU ARE STILL OPEN TO THE MARKET.👊👊

 

And I share that from personal experience. 🙄

 

👉Ready to get real and call in that soulmate love that makes you want for no other?

 

👉Sick and tired of feeling like love is fleeting and something that is not possible to hold on to?

 

👉Looking for the one who makes your heart and soul soar but uncertain how to identify if he/she is the one?

 

Helping dynamite powerful souls like yourself discover love and fulfilment is what my passion is. Over the last two decades I have worked with hundreds of women & men such as yourself to call in their soulmate by aligning to their truth. I have guided countless couples not to just rekindle a love that they thought was lost, but to create an empowered turned on and fully aligned partnership based in love with 8 simple steps. If you are a woman or man who is looking for happiness, love and abundance in life and is sick and tired of just getting by, reach out to me for a FREE Clarity Call today where we will define exactly what is holding you back, what you are wanting to call in and the next best steps to achieve your desired life. Message me to set up your FREE Clarity Call today.

 

As Always,

 

Stop Existing & Start Living

 

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

5 Secret Turn-Ons To Seduce A High Quality Man.

 

👊👊🌹5 Secret Turn-Ons To Seduce A High Quality Man🌹👊👊

 

Last night over dinner I looked at my man and asked him,

“What have I done differently than other women that makes you want to commit so deeply and go all in with me?”🤔

 

He responded with, “So much.”

 

And then I began to think about it.

I thought of how just this last week he and I were in Half Price Books looking for Viktor Frankl’s book, Man’s Search for Meaning, when we found ourselves drifting up and down the psychology, spiritual, health, finance and self-growth aisles. Inquiring with each other what we had explored in our past. Having read so many of the same books or similar minds we found ourselves once again connecting and understanding each other’s views and why we mirror one another in so many ways.

 

As I looked at this tiny moment from last week I realized that THIS was just it…

 

👉🤯WE ARE BOTH ATTRACTED TO THE MIRROR.👈😍

 

That mirror being that we match each other on so many levels.

It is far past our attraction to one another’s physical or the chemistry that we certainly have.

 

Our lives have brought us through multiple relationships in our past that taught each of us what we valued and what we did not desire in a partnership. Which is often the case as we emotionally mature through our lives.

 

You see often in relationships we find ourselves calling in the opposite of what we want and we cannot figure out 👉WHY👈?

 

It has to be like this.

As long as we resist doing the inner work and remain emotionally immature, focused on only “me” and being right, a victim to life in essence and not taking responsibility for our emotions and the events in our lives then we MUST call in the opposite of what we desire and want so that we can enhance our clarity and build up our emotional maturity.

 

As we mature in the heart and mind and do the inner work to connect us deeper to our soul we start to find different attributes attractive then what we use too.

 

Beauty changes in our eyes. 🌹

 

The other day when we were walking around the bookstore chatting about our reading history and thoughts on topics, one of the books that popped out on the shelves was, “The Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz.” We have both read it and it bears with it one of the sexiest things a woman can do to turn-on a man and get him to think long term about her.

 

💋💃🔥CONSISTENCY – This really just always comes back to actions match words and you are consistent about what you say, how you think and the way you act.  The majority of people ( male and female) have challenges around this vital ingredient to building a lasting relationship because they suffer from the belief or thinking of:

“I’m not good enough.”

“I’m not likable or lovable.”

THIS very thought process makes it difficult for the majority of people to be, as The Four Agreements puts it, impeccable with their word.

 

👊Yet this single thing is sexy AF when a man or woman portrays it!

 

💋💃🔥BEING A MF GROWN UP! – Adulting has a heck of a lot more to do with how we play with others then with paying bills and holding a job. Although these things are vitally needed as well, in the land of the heart and emotional maturity, adulting has more to do with 👉HOW WE FIGHT👈.

It’s called conflict resolution.

And the vast majority of people operate from the land of, “I am right, you are wrong.” This is all based in ego and again a need to be validated by another in some fashion.

 

👊What’s ever so attractive is a person who can be an actual grown up and listen as well as accept that the other party’s point is true for them.

 

When both parties can do this for each other you can communicate from a higher vibration based in love and a desire to find resolution versus being right and having the other agree that you are right.

 

There is nothing worse than to find yourself in a mis-communication or some form of friction with your partner and have them tell you that YOU are misconstruing things or are wrong in how you remember it, see it or feel about it. This only builds walls between the two of you, not bridges.

 

Being able to see that others’ views and feelings are just where they are and that you can agree to disagree because you are individuals with different  takes is highly seductive and attractive in looking at a lifelong mate.

 

Being a MF Grown Up is NOT about being right and maintaining the friction until the other person caves to your way of seeing or feeling about something. That is not love based nor emotional maturity. Finding resolution in the relationship is however.

 

💋💃🔥 EASY TO BE A ROUND-  No one enjoys being around someone who has a stick up their booty. It’s simple, friendliness, authentic friendliness not that sugar coated fake stuff is a turn-on.

When a person is uptight, anxious, scared of their own shadow and aquard about doing life and relating it reveals the wounds that they have not yet conquered and dealt with.

 

👉The energy we portray says everything about our inner scape.

 

If you are a woman (or a man) who “thinks” they are easy to get along with, has a big heart but no one accepts it, calls yourself friendly but when you are trying to do a relationship you find yourself getting the opposite of what you want and desire?

 

Look no further than the wounds that you bare still and keep coming back too.

 

You know what they are.

It’s what holds your bitterness, your anger, your pity party, your envy and makes you feel insecure.

Want to authentically be friendly and easy going, let go of that high maintenance attitude… then deal with your inner BS.

Until you do this you will continue to feel like no one appreciates your heart and intentions, cares or values what you have to offer. That jaded view will hold you back from fully embracing your confidence, your own self-love and acceptance and  will make your childish attempts at being seductive, attractive and turned-on to life empty and laughable.

 

👊People who authentically smile from within and love life, feel good in their own skin are attractive AF!

 

💋💃🔥BRING JOY NOT DRAMA – #1 desire of men and what the vast majority will put on their dating profile.

“Looking for a drama free woman.”

 

A high quality man (meaning an emotionally mature man) knows that he is not responsible for you emotionally. 🤯🤯🤯

 

And he finds it DAMN Sexy when you get this too!

He is not wanting you to babysit him or mother him and he does not want to have to take care of you in this fashion either.

This is an extreme level of neediness A.K.A High Maintenance that emotionally mature men don’t find attractive.

 

He wants you to know that you are beautiful, powerful, radiant, sexy AF, a queen without him. If he is what validates these things for you then YOU ARE NOT THEM!!!👊

 

And you will jot have joy streaming from your soul.

Drama happens in life.

It happens to all of us.

What a high value man is looking for in a lifelong partnership and love is a woman who does not look at how she can create it but instead how much joy she can bring into life with or without him and this joy for her life also manifests into her making his heart smile by just being her.

 

💋💃🔥HEALTHY LIFESTYLE =SEXY AF! – Anyone who says that the physical does not matter is blowing smoke up your booty. We are all human and our bodies matter and anyone who counts themselves as being self-loving, accepting and high vibe that is not taking care of their temple is full of malarkey, to say the least.

 

👊Healthy eating, exercise, mindset, taking care of self and wanting to look good, feel good is sexy AF!

 

A high value man values this in himself and wants it in his partner as well.

 

Life is always about investment.

And we each get to choose where we invest.

Mumford and Sons has a great song “Awaken My Soul” where they have one of my favorite lyrics, “Where you invest your love, your invest your life.”

 

As with anything, whatever we choose to water grows.

People who choose to invest their love in health of all arenas live longer, are less sickly, have more stmina for life and sex, have healthier moods, live a more harmonic balalnced life and view things from a bigger picture mindset.

 

Those who make up the excuse of “I don’t have the time, energy, money.” DO NOT VALUE themselves nor life and will never hold a mate that values these things.

 

🔥🔥🔥I get turned-on like no other watching my man work out, eat a healthy meal and/or check himself out in the mirror as to how his arms or abs are looking in a shirt. His pleasure and care for himself shows that he values health and reveals itself in ALL other areas as well. 👈🤯🔥

 

So you say that you want 👉High Value Man👈 yet you yourself beautiful are not value the true jewels of life and relationship!🤯

 

You are still getting caught up in the immature focus points that will only ever lead you to more lessons being offered and suffering from them.

 

Become the 💃High Value Woman💃 that mirrors the man you want for and he will be called into your life with ease as if over night.

 

👉Want to learn the full list of secrets to manifesting your soulmate?

👉Ready to stop accepting less than what you are worthy of?

👉Sick and tired of letting your wounds hold back the love, sex, money and joy that you feel is yours in your gut?

 

Helping dynamite powerful souls like yourself discover love and fulfilment is what my passion is. Over the last two decades I have worked with hundreds of women & men such as yourself to call in their soulmate by aligning to their truth. I have guided countless couples not to just rekindle a love that they thought was lost, but to create an empowered turned on and fully aligned partnership based in love with 8 simple steps. If you are a woman or man who is looking for happiness, love and abundance in life and is sick and tired of just getting by, reach out to me for a FREE Clarity Call today where we will define exactly what is holding you back, what you are wanting to call in and the next best steps to achieve your desired life. Message me to set up your FREE Clarity Call today.

 

As Always,

 

Stop Existing & Start Living

 

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”