HOW TO MAKE YOUR MAN CRAVE YOU FOREVER + COMMIT.

 

HOW TO MAKE YOUR MAN CRAVE YOU FOREVER + COMMIT.

 

My man makes me juicy hot without even trying, but it’s not him. It’s what I do to him to get him to crave me in such a powerful way. 

 

I love when my partner looks at me with a smile of appreciation and desire in his eye. 

The look in his eyes and on his face ignites my soul and makes me feel like a queen. 

His queen. Like the only woman on the planet.

 

I love when my guy walks up from behind me and grabs ahold of my waist, pulls my hair back and kisses my neck. When he breathes me in.

 

I love when he loses his presence in what I am saying or his work because he got caught up in my radiance and his heart and he can do nothing but sit in awe.

 

I love that he messages me how he misses me. 

Did not want to leave for the day.

How he desires forever.

I love how he takes me fiercely in our lovemaking, how he leads in passion and asks for my surrender through him.

 

And I am reminded by all of this and more that when we have found the right person they will meet us and mirror us and when they are not the right partner we will feel used, off balance in some way. 

 

That feeling of coming home. 

Men and women alike crave just that. 

Completion. 

A homecoming that our soul knows can only truly be accomplished in the union with a true partner for our lives. That one that we cannot see past. That we want to make plans for thousands of years because we cannot ever seem to get enough of them.

 

But what stirs the creation of this craving?

What creates a foundation of a feeling of “home” that makes a man want to go deep and commit?

 

I am sure you have heard of the four A’s when it comes to human personality and needs in a relationship, these four A’s however for men are all the more important. 

 

How the A’s Make Your Man Crave and Commit to You: 

 

Attention – This one might seem needy to the modern woman, because we are not attracted to anyone who demands a ton of attention in our busy lives. Who wants to be the center stage character in ALL aspects of our lives. After all we are mothers, boss babes, mompreneurs, sisters, daughters, and besties. We have our obligations to so many, so we want support in our intimate relationship from a strong man who can take care of himself. He needs us, yes, but he doesn’t want us to coddle him.  What I refer to by the word attention doesn’t refer to this emotionally immature man though, I am saying that attention means to be present. Your presence in the relationship is worth gold. When you are together with your man, from the earliest dating moments, give him your undivided attention. Not your phone. Not the world around you. Stay present there with him in your thoughts. Realize that all the men of your past often travel with you into your new relationships, all those that have ever let you down and scorned you are yelling in your ear while you are on this date, in this moment with this great guy. Your fears and concerns, your hopes and desires are all there wanting their time on your mental and emotional stage. To be present with a man means to stay THERE IN THE CURRENT MOMENT with him and him alone. Most people are rarely present because they are worried about past or concerned about the future, add in a social media ding and you my beauty are not present.  – Such a turn off!!!!

 

Affection – Yes human touch! We need conscious (present) touch at least six times a day for mental health. The majority of us don’t get this. We get and give touch, but we don’t actually experience positive touch. Wanted. On both sides. There is a lot of assumed touch. And this armours us up. Men and women alike, making it where we believe that we don’t like it or need it, however even the most resistant man desires affection. A present small gesture can mean the world. I know for me and my relationship, I am always aware as to how my body is turned. Am I turned to my man or not? Is my body language open or closed to him? If I am too far away or something is in the way of our closeness, I move it or myself to get closer. I reach out and touch my man’s foot with mine. My knee to his leg. I grab ahold of his arm with my hand and I firmly let him know that I am there, that I want him in my touch. My touch is far more in your face these days than when we were just starting out, but even back then I looked for opportunities to touch him. And when we hug and kiss, just hold each other (past and present) I take a breath and slow down. I get presents with him when we are coming together. I want him to feel me and I desire to feel him.

 

Appreciation – I have worked with possibly thousands of men at this point in my career and the one thing that so many divorced men have shared with me or men who were in a serious committed relationship in some fashion shared with me about their major disappointments, were centered around the feeling that all their efforts in the relationship and with their woman were not seen or appreciated. They consistently felt like yeah she may have said, “thank you,” but it was mute to what was needed. Appreciation, gratitude for someone thinking about the little things, for wanting to make life better, for working their a*s off, and so much more. One of the things I do with couples frequently is an Appreciation Game where I have each partner share appreciation for a set time frame and the other partner just sits in silence and receives. Take it in. Such a simple exercise, yet we hardly stop in our busy lives to appreciate each other. We think things but we do not communicate them. Taking a moment here and there to acknowledge the good of our partners is a game changer. We take the time all too frequently to tell them what is wrong with them, their errors and our complaints and we believe that our complaining will get us the results we desire, when in truth, if we focus on the good we will encourage more of what we want. It’s all energy baby! Where attention goes, energy flows. 

 

Acceptance – THIS ONE I cannot share enough with all the beautiful ladies in the house. We women really suck at this and we should not. We should get this because what do we women want? To be accepted. We want to be really seen, heard and appreciated for just who we are, not for what we do for someone or how they want us to be. Yet, over and over again we ladies get into commitment with a guy based on the man that we see he can become not who he is. Men want for us women to never change, they fall in love with who we are RIGHT NOW and sometimes that can be unreasonable because life enforces change, it is the one true constant, but if we get into relationship wanting our partner to be something that they are not, then we are saying,” I don’t appreciate who you are, love who you are, accept you as you are. You are not enough as you are but I will settle with the hope that you will become what I want.” – YUCK! Let me just gag myself right now. Granted I have been guilty of this, if I look at my partner today and truly though that I wanted him to be anything other than who he is, I would only be damning my relationship. I would be looking past him to create something else instead of looking at him with a heart full of amazement in how lucky I am, how grateful I am for him being the man that he is RIGHT NOW! I want nothing more, although as our lives evolve and we build our future together we each will change, this is certain. Our growth can only be together though if we each love each other in all our faults and beauty as we are fully in the now, not hoping for change but receiving each other as is. This one thing means the universe to most men. Acceptance. Men in general do not feel accepted in life. Our societal evolution has stolen from the masculine a right of passage, what being a man IS. Our males are lost in our world because they are condemned by their natural primal nature and desires and told that they are not healthy nor good and they have not been provided leadership as to what an emotionally mature man is like. When we queens look at our men with total acceptance and tell them how we see them, feel them and appreciate them, their armoured masculine hearts melt into love.

 

There are many things that make a man crave a woman and want to commit to her. 

These four A’s are paramount however. 

The other major contributing factors to get a man to crave and commit would be: 

 

Respect – The lack of respect is what makes the majority of relationships fall apart and not be able to go the distance. Often things from our past or our current create a disrespect. The only way that we can establish respect when it is not there in some area is to address it head on. If our partner is doing something that hinders our ability to respect them fully then we MUST come out to them about it and request for a behaviour change and share what is coming up for us around it. Remember that each individual in the relationship has a right to ask for what they need in the relationship, once requested it is up to the other as to what they will do with the request and how to best serve themselves and the relationship. No matter what the response is we then are given the option to either accept our partner’s choice or to walk away. If the behaviour change that we are asking to be shifted is non-negotiable to us then we have to understand that and do what is right for us. Thus right for the relationship. The only way we can ever respect another is to first respect ourselves, our boundaries and our needs. 

Emotional Maturity – I have been preaching a lot about this lately because it is vitality important and the reality is that the majority of men and women alike lack emotional maturity. Being an adult in our relationships and in life is sexy AF! In order to become it one must apply daily focus on self-growth, love and evolution. Wanting to take responsibility for their own feelings, emotions, actions and life and understanding how powerful that truly is. 

 

Variety – Can you imagine eating at the same restaurant every day, three times a day for the rest of your life? That sounds like a miserable hamster wheel in my opinion and life gives us enough of the hamster wheel in itself between work, responsibilities, family and such. What we are looking for in partnership and relationship is a feeling of certainty, trust, “home” but also blended nicely with uncertainty. Men love a woman who is willing to invest herself into the relationship and help create variety. This translates to being playful, flirty, and spontaneous. Be willing and wanting to explore new things together both inside and outside the bedroom, even take it upon yourself to initiate something new or set up an adventure date. Don’t always demand that he lead on everything. Men are attracted and appreciative to our creativity and forwardness as well. 

 

Sovereignty – As much as he wants to be your knight in shining armour and save you… he also wants to know that you can carry yourself and have his back all in the same. He adores, respects and craves the woman who takes responsibility for her own happiness, emotions and life but chooses to have him by her side and  build a life together. The right man does not want you to give your power away to him but wants to lift you up so you can fly higher. An emotionally mature man knows that this means that you do not need him to feel worthy, loved or happy and he does not need you for that either. Two complet and strong individuals who have chosen to unite and become stronger in their home with each other. – Now that’s hawt AF!

 

Exude Radiance – Yesterday I was having a  crappy day. I felt pathetic and useless. I did not feel radiant and strong, yet my partner grabbed me in one moment, looked at with his tender loving penetrative look and smiled. I asked what he was smiling at and he responded, “ You are glowing. Even though you are not happy today, you are still glowing.” Radiance is in our energy. It encompasses all of our being and it even shines through on gloomy days. A woman who is truly radiant is so because even on bad days she is aligned to her soul. She accepts and loves herself and knows that all of her and her emotions are perfect. Her heart leads her and her man can see this in her actual energy. Her eyes, smile, hair, walk, the way she moves and breathes. This ignites him at a deep primal level and makes him want her all the more.So stop letting your energy be benign and bland.  REALITY most women don’t radiate, they mask and attempt to create fake shine.

 

Getting a man to crave you and commit truly just means that you have come fully into who you are and aligned to your soul. You trust your heart. You receive yourself in all your messiness and glory. And you are not afraid to say no to any relationship that does not match who you are at your core just to settle for not being alone. 

 

That soulmate man of yours beautiful, he is looking for all the same that you are and if you want him to find you and reveal himself then it is up to you to do the same for yourself first.

As Always, 

Stop Existing & Start Existing

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Helping dynamite powerful women like yourself discover love and fulfilment is what my passion is. Over the last two decades I have worked with hundreds of women such as yourself to call in their soulmate by aligning to their truth. I have guided countless couples not to just rekindle a love that they thought was lost, but to create an empowered turned on and fully aligned partnership based in love with 8 simple steps. If you are a woman who is looking for happiness, love and abundance in life and is sick and tired of just getting by, reach out to me for a FREE Clarity Call today where we will define exactly what is holding you back, what you are wanting to call in and the next best steps to achieve your desired life. Message me to set up your FREE Clarity Call today.

UNICORN & SNOWFLAKE MEN – WHAT WOMEN THEY WANT, BUT WON’T RESPECT.

 

UNICORN & SNOWFLAKE MEN – WHAT WOMEN THINK THEY WANT, BUT WON’T RESPECT.

 

And that is what it all comes down to. 

RESPECT.

Maybe I am a bad, bad, girl who just is not consciousness enough or done as deep of a dive as I need into my own inner work to be able to respect, surrender and thus really unite in love with one of these sacred space holding, cacao ceremony, “spiritual” dudes who is what we can call the modern gentlemen. 

The nice guy. 

The guy that “respects” (by kissing her booty and letting her be the man) a woman and let’s her be powerful because he knows that we are all equal. 

 

Lordy, let’s just f-cking get real here. 

Ladies and unicorn snowflake, woke divine masculine men….

WE ARE NOT ALL EQUAL!

 

Women are powerful. 

And should be accepted as such. 

But men are powerful too…

And should be accepted as such. 

However, we are powerful in different ways.

Think ying/yang.

 

Today’s world is emasculating men.

 

And men are not happy or healthy because of this depolarization. 

Women are far from happy and emotionally drained because of it. 

 

Yesterday I wrote some on this topic, focused on how we women want a sensitive man but only sensitive to what we want him to be. This epidemic of conscious, woke, divine real men that is turning our men into something that we women cannot respect nor trust. Which stirred quite the convo between my man and I.  This morning while brushing our teeth and getting ready for the day he looks at me and says, “You know I just recently learned that women like you want a masculine man. I have looked at what I see as a strong woman and been frustrated. Believing that a strong, conscious woman who knows herself appears to want one of these unicorn “woke” men who always smiles, has the right things to say and keeps his masculine primal at bay. I can do the yoga. I can meditate. I can do my own inner work. I can be conscious. But I cannot put down my primal instinct and I did not believe that I could be my primal self and have my warrior queen, too.”

 

Linda Liv Doktar, I guess was in the same mood as myself yesterday, because my guy then asked me, “did you see what Linda posted?”

 

Nope, I was caught up with my private clients yesterday and some self-care things, plus rushing back to my man. 

Well, I read Linda’s post and I was laughing while saying, “Yes! – Yes! -Yes!”

A woman who desires a primal man. 

Gets what is required for us powerful warrior queens who are always turned on, activated in life, hustling in our self-made success stories and keeping harmony and balance to our full and thriving lives. That sort of woman cannot hang with the blokes who want to kiss our a*ses. 

 

My sun rises and sets in my man’s hands because he is not afraid to man-handle me. 

Meaning he knows how to stand in my fire. 

He knows how to lead me. 

He is not fearful of me. 

He let’s me feel him fully in his energy, his thoughts, his feelings. 

And of course in the bedroom.

He does not hide his primal, protective, fierce nature from me. 

ANYWHERE.

And that makes me weak in the knees. 

Much like Linda said in her share, “I want to be dominated and told what to do.” 

Matter a fact, I need that for my own well-being and ability to surrender my deepest self to life and to my man. A woman simply cannot surrender her deepest self however to a man that is wishy washy, wearing the best societal mask of the moment and trying to say all the “right” things. I need to know that I can trust my man to be honest with me. 

I need to see that he is not afraid to take initiative and set a direction. 

I need to know that he trusts his own words and actions. 

And I require a man who knows how to dominate me in his love, protection, primal energy and leadership. 

 

So he better f-cking know who he is and where he is going in life. 

Or I will not follow. 

I will not respect. 

I will not trust.

And he will not hold my heart. 

 

I have been in all too many relationships with these men who are “woke” who are “sensitive to the feminine” and that’s as far as they made it with me. 

 

Some sort of relationship. 

I also felt the need to set them in their place about the reality that they would NEVER have a partnership with me.

 

I knew from the first moments that I could not respect them to the level required for me to become their life partner and give myself over to them. I could not trust their “sweet” ways to hold me safe and lead with certainty. I knew I could drop them to their knees with my own dominance and make them crumble if I wanted. 

 

That’s not leadership. 

And you know what?

In studies it has been shown that 74% of men would rather be alone in their lives instead of feeling disrespected. 

 

This is because to a man, a primal man who is on purpose and is not fearful of his own energy or his woman, he views respect and love as equal. They are the same and you cannot have one without the other. 

 

THIS is why men are so powerfully attracted to some women, will do anything for these women, and commit to her fully. When a woman knows how to trigger feelings of respect and admiration in her man, he will surrender his heart to her.

 

So many women however, have no clue how to make use of the principle of respect to create this unfair advantage in making themselves irresistibly attractive and commitment worthy to the right men.

 

Thus creating the space for repetitive heartbreak and suffering when it comes to love. 

Now I could go on and on about this topic, and most likely will keep writing on it over time, but for today let me be very clear with you lovies….

 

If you are a woman who wants to feel safe in her relationship. 

Wants to stop questioning if her guy is really into her or if he loves you.

Wants to know that he wants and will commit to you.

Wants to rope the moon for you as well as ravish you in every way you desire. 

And wants to stop your fear of when he will leave…

 

Then hear me now…

 

Get the consulting needed on the fine art of respect. 

Through respect we women can seduce, open and commit the right man to us. 

He will not be the man that is depolarized to be more feminine than masculine. 

You will have to actually want his masculine and see how you as a strong woman who is always taking care of business needs his strength to get you out of your head and fully embodied into who you are in heart, soul and sex. But once you get a taste of the yumminess of what this primal masculine does for you and how he supports with his rock solid love, respect and honor of not just you, but himself and the partnership you will scratch your head in bewilderment of why you chose to spend all those years ditzing around with men who have no clue how to lead the feminine. 

 

And are not worthy of your warrior queen heart and soul. 

 

Want to learn the secrets of becoming a seductress through learning the art of respect with a primal man?

 

Are you tired of thinking your relationship with a guy is going really great only to have him grow cold and distant overnight and ghost you?

 

Tired of the endless cycle of heartbreak and questioning why you cannot find a man who is trustworthy and committed?

 

That’s what I helped countless beautiful women such as yourself do over the last almost two decades. Find their soulmate!

And it’s now your time, don’t you agree?

Reach out to me in comments or private message now about my 6-weeks to Soulmate Love Private Mentoring Summer 2021 Sesh and get $500 off with code word RESPECT.

 

As Always, 

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

WHY IT’S OKAY TO SLUT SHAME YOUR MOM. 

WHY IT’S OKAY TO SLUT SHAME YOUR MOM. 

Or disrespect her in numerous ways. 

It’s okay because she allows it, that’s why! And boy have I been guilty of allowing disrespect and boundary breaching in my life with my own children, I can tell you that. I wish I could report to you that because I have worked with countless people on relationship issues such as respect, boundaries and authentically standing in your truth for almost two decades that I myself have it down. I wish that I could tell you that the close to 2000 hours of class time on these subjects that I have under my belt and multiple certifications plus all the practice time would guarantee that I had all my shiz in order and that my family relationship and my intimate relationship with my partner was perfect, without miscommunication, trouble or pain. 

 

HOWEVER THAT SIMPLY IS NOT SO. 

 

You see we are all human. And we humans have trauma, pain, and programs that we have become comfortable with even when they are programs that cause us more pain, trauma and separation in relationship, causing us to armour our hearts from those that we love the most. 

Today I am going to be extremely raw, vulnerable and edgy with you about the topics of disrespect and boundaries and I am doing so because, it’s what is in my face on the home front and therefore it may be a vital topic that a few others are looking for ways to cope with as well in the moment. 

 

It is often said that parenthood, especially motherhood, is the least appreciated job on the planet. And I would agree for the most part, I have noticed through the last twenty five years of motherhood that when my children are going through rocky spots in life, have personal matters at hand that they feel compelled and even safe to use me as a verbal emotional punching bag. They adore embarrassing me, making fun of my past, using sarcasm when they can or just being as blunt and raw about topics that perhaps do not need to be discussed and are only pain causing in moments that for all I can assume are moments that they are not feeling strong in self or life. Human nature when underdeveloped in maturity and empathy is to find weakness in another and feed off of it to make oneself feel better about their own lives. We all know that teenagers think that they got a better handle on adulting and life then we parents could ever understand, and we understand today that the frontal lobe is not fully developed until mid-twenties, so it makes sense why our twenty somethings are also challenged with a lack of understanding of the effects that their words and actions can have long term to life and relationship.

 

However, put teen attitudes and frontal lobes to the side, what I see more and more, not just in my own family and experience but in society in general is that disrespecting elders, parents and others alike is pretty much common place and a normal part of how we allow our youth to engage with us. Rarely do we appreciate the wisdom, insight or even lives of those who are our seniors and most certainly not our parents. 

 

Our youth dictates to us our timelines, the foods we buy, what their hours of watching TV, playing video games are, if they need a ride to work, what sort of vehicles they expect they should acquire when they get their driver’s license, what school they should be able to attend, their curfews and more. We parents have allowed for a plague of entitlement and righteousness to set into our youth. They actually believe that they are smarter, wiser and more deserving. And if you disagree with this statement just look at those children who are in their mid-twenties to mid-thirties. We have an onslaught of “only child syndrome” except they are not only children often and they have a difficult time adulting. Today our thirty year olds are about as equipt to be adults as what high school graduates were just twenty years ago. That is the sad reality!

 

In my opinion, the majority of this stems from us parents not instilling healthy boundaries around time, space and money as well as not teaching our children healthy respect for themselves and others and that their words and actions that are disrespectful are seriously damaging to relationships, including the relationships that they have with we parents. 

 

Instead of teaching these things, we parents have turned the other cheek far too often and made discipline evil. We have focused on the no child left behind concept and instead ended up leaving behind all of our children because children are not learning valuable life lessons. Instead they are learning that life should cater to them and that they can get away with being little a*ses because the punishment of our time and our parents is “evil” and could even be considered abusive. I recall many years back when my now fifteen year old son was mad at me and I told him that if he did not stop the back talk that I would pop his mouth, his response to me was, “Go ahead mom, I will call the cops on you. That is abuse.” 

 

WOW!

WTF!!!

He could stand there and call me names, tell me horrible things, disrespect me and ignore me and if I were to “parent him” I was abusing him. My only recourse was to put him on time out? Ground him? Of which he did not care. He enjoyed the silence and being alone. It was not a punishment. 

 

This seemingly simple little thing over time builds into massive disrespect. 

It is never just simple or small when we are allowing disrespect. 

We can make excuses for our children and say they have anxiety, they have peer stress, tests are due, blah, blah, blah… kids today have so much more pressure on them then what we had as kids….

 

So having pressure on you is a get out of jail free card to be a dick to those you love or anyone for that matter?

 

How is that concept going to support your kid in the real world?

How would your boss or spouse handle you using that excuse very often?

Mmmmmmhhhhmmmmm….

 

It is up to us parents to instill healthy boundaries and respect in our children, I believe that we can all agree upon that, but what does that look like for today’s society?

So how do we identify a boundary?

One of the hardest things for us to do is to say no or speak our feelings, especially when they are not aligning to what someone we love wants. We want to please, keep the peace and we believe that we are not being kind when we say something that might rock the boat and cause conflict, however that is far from the truth. In all relationships we have a right to ask for what we want and tell people (including our partners and children) what we don’t want, in fact setting and knowing what your boundaries are can be one of the most soul nurturing and self-loving things that we can practice as well as teach. And with our children, they learn more by what we do than what we say. 

 

Recently I was listening to a talk and the host stated this about boundaries, I thought it was a perfect way to help identify what they are for each of us. 

 

“Boundaries are the distance from which I can love you and me simultaneously.”

 

Boundaries are not there to keep people away, but instead to keep love expanding for self and another. They teach respect, honor, empathy, compassion and love. By upholding another’s boundaries we get to support that person in love and respect.

 

Another way of looking at boundaries is that they are guidelines, rules, or limits that a person creates to identify a feasible, safe, and permissible ways for others to behave and interact with them and/or in their space or with their things and have a response for how they will respond should the boundary be crossed. 

 

Examples of healthy parenting boundaries: 

 

Private Space- Parents need and should have a sacred and private space that children understand is for the parents, no matter the age of the child. This can extend as a child grows to the parents home, where perhaps a boundary is that you request a heads up that they are coming over. Just because they are your child should they have the expectation that they can just walk in? How does that support you as a parent? Your privacy? Your relationship with your partner? Work? Etc? With younger children, perhaps you have the private space of your bedroom and/or office where you do not allow toys, play, trespassing the doorway unannounced or without permission or request from the parent. 

 

Time – We parents allow for far too much pressure on our time. Setting the boundaries around time requests and use of vehicles, needs to be taken places, or things needing to be dropped off or brought to them. Is it okay for your child to demand that you drop everything and run them something they forgot when they are at work or school? Can they ask or demand last minute for you to take them places? What about simple requests around such things as personal items needed in the house? Ex: my child recently and frequently gets into the shower and does not look to see if there is a towel for him to use. He showers, then when he realizes that he has no towel, calls to request towel service? I have stopped bringing him towels or toilet paper for that matter no matter the situation to make a point that it is his responsibility to be aware of what he needs in such moments and make sure that he has it available. It is no one else’s responsibility to supply him with these things nor drop what they are doing to save him. This lesson is worth its weight in gold come his adult years when he lives alone or is married, not to mention the many ways it plays out in the work field.

 

Money- We pay our children for living with us and “allowing us” to do everything for them. Yes, this is what we do and we do it thinking we are teaching them about work ethics when what we are doing is telling them that they are owed something for using the utilities, eating the food, and ignoring us and their chores until we press them hard. In the real word, you back talk, ignore your duties and just take and you lose the job, the relationship, the what have you. Start creating responsibility with children by giving them duties without pay. No one pays you to do the laundry, the dishes, vacuum or anything else, so let them learn that lesson. Also, stop paying everything for them. When a child can make money let them cover part of their cell bill, their car insurance, car payment. They need to learn how money works and how to save and how to allocate otherwise they will have many failures in the future.

 

Food and Diet- In today’s world of Uber eats and home delivery it is all the easier for kids to eat what they want and with great ease. However that does not set them up for healthy eating or understanding the importance of money, shopping wisely or health consciously. Kids have always been hard to get to eat what is prepared for them. They are learning about foods and likes/dislikes, but when we just allow for them to do as they please, even let them dictate the food that is bought, we sabotage not only them but ourselves too. Convenience and keeping them happy is killing our health as adults or costing you twice as much financially because you might be buying two diet plans instead of one. Perhaps, start a boundary that certain nights are family cook nights and that they are in charge of creating and if old enough cooking a healthy dinner for the family and taking children shopping, explaining your reasoning for buying what you do and talking to them about balance, health and economic ways of living can support their futures as well. Creating the boundary around food and diet can be challenging but highly worthwhile. 

 

Agendas/Schedule – Today more and more parents work from home. Children see that their parents are more accessible but also will cave to their desires easily because they are trying to get work done. Creating the container around your work day and schedule is a requirement if you want to maintain and teach respect for work, time and space.

 

Your Intimate Relationship – Today there are many broken families and blended families. Children are edgy about trusting the “new” guy or woman in their parents life. This creates a space for our children to disrespect the relationship between adults. Even our adult children will cross boundaries and be disrespectful to the intimate relationship of their parents with another, much like they tried to cause a lack of unity between parents in their youth, they will find opportunities to cause chaos and doubt in their parents relationships as adults with sarcasm, jooking, sharing of past events, ignoring the “new” person in their parents lives, outcasting them, or even invading on private moments with them. It is important for us parents to understand that if we are to be happy and have a healthy relationship with a partner that we must address and have the difficult conversations with our children about respecting, including, and relationship boundaries. For our adult children, perhaps just ask them, “How would you feel if I did/said that to you or a significant other?” When flipped, they may be able to see their error and disrespect. 

 

There are so many more boundaries that show disrespect from our youth that we have allowed and supported as parents of today. I encourage you to review your boundaries with your children, how you feel they are respecting you and doi the difficult task of having the hard conversations with them no matter their age. 

 

The more we parents allow for our children to walk all over us, the more we do damage to ourselves and them and we give permission for our children to create emotional and perhaps even physical space between us.

 

Not to mention that what they learn from the relationship with us parents, they transfer over to their intimate lives and other relationships, which could create a society of high maintenance narcissist adults who will never find true happiness, love or acceptance in self. 

 

As Always, 

Stop existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

 Ready to say yes to you and create dynamic relationships on all fronts? 

Reach out to me today to take advantage of this summer’s specials on 1:1 mentoring and coaching.

YOU CAN’T TRUST THE WOKE MASCULINE.

 

HE IS NOT NICE.

HE IS NOT SWEET.

My man is neither of these. 

And thank heavens that he is not. 

I could not surrender my feminine heart to a man that was not strong. 

That did not stand firm in whom he is at his core.

I could not respect a man who allowed the world to walk all over him. 

Or allowed me to.

 

How is a woman ever to trust a man who waivers in his boundaries, 

In his energy, in who he is depending on what life is bringing to him. 

There is zero leadership in the masculine that believes that he is to be nice and sweet. 

Yet today we live in a world where our men are told that THIS is exactly what they should strive for. That inorder to be a “good guy” a “respectable man” that honors women and others that he needs to be nice and sweet. 

Men today are looked down upon and harshly judged for being masculine. 

For being strong willed. 

Wanting to lead their families. 

Having opinions and ideas that are different then their woman’s. 

 

Men are encouraged to treat their women like delicate china, yet know that she is boss. 

This is considered to be “honoring the feminine.”

Understand that your woman has emotions, that she can be irrational, that she has stress and that all the burden is ultimately on her back, not yours as a man. Love her for the fact that she is choosing to bear the full load. 

 

THIS IS THE EMPOWERED FEMININE.

And you are damn effing lucky that she is with you “sweet man.”

Who says nice guys finish last?

Nice guys are the masculine of the 2000’s. 

It’s how we mothers have raised our boys. 

Be nice to women AT ALL COST. 

Including your core. 

Including your boundaries and your truth. 

Swaying to her will no matter what. 

Or you will be disrespecting women. 

You will be a man like all men of time past who just use women for your gratification and pleasure. You will only see women as a tool, as something to own. 

 

Yes, we mothers have done a great job at raising our men of the 2000’s to lay down their souls so that the women they choose don’t feel the pain that we and women of many generations have felt brought on by men. 

 

But, I dare ask you if this is healthy?

Is this bringing women any more safety with men or trust in them?

Is this truly preventing women from being sexually objectified?

Or are our men only now hiding under the coats of “nice and sweet”?

Are they presenting a “respectable gentleman” with an ill hatred toward women because they feel  and see the shaming of the masculine, but smile in our faces, hold doors open and attentively listen to our venting because they know that this “woke” masculine is the pathway to getting a woman to think that she is safe?

 

Women of today struggle with trusting men. 

They struggle surrendering to men. 

They starve themselves from truly leaning into their feminine hearts because they have been raised to believe that men are evil. 

 

What if the reality was that in order for a woman to respect and trust a man, 

She had to be certain that he was who he presented himself to be?

What if she had to test him, had to see if he would waiver on his boundaries, on his beliefs and what he stood for based on what she said or did?

 

Can we ever lay down our armour and trust anyone who tells us what we want to hear or just gives us what we want without any question or concern?

 

Of course not. 

The “woke masculine” is proving to be a masculine that leans into being in touch with their feminine and supportive of the feminine. They are kind at all measures. They meditate and are spiritually enlightened men. They do yoga. They eat clean. They love animals and they don’t litter. They are educated. And they don’t push for sex. They do not see color, nor religion. They are accepting of all sexual preferences and relationship labels. 

They are “woke.” 

 

This is the image that is painted. 

And it is a masculine that I for one sure AF do not trust. 

 

Weak in who they are. 

And none of the above items make them “good guys.”

You know what an empowered woman wants and needs in her man?

Do you know what it takes to get a woman to trust and lay down her armour, to let her penetrate her heart and soul?

 

A “good man” who has purpose and direction. 

Who knows who he is and is not afraid to state it. 

A man who can speak his mind as well as his feelings and not be waivered by the ebbs and flows of life or his woman. He must be willing to fight for his woman, his family and his truth above everything else. Sometimes that means that he does see differences in people. It might mean that he believes in guns and protecting the things he loves at all cost instead of turning the other cheek because it’s more socially acceptable. It may mean that he differs with his woman, her family, or her friends. He may not be down for just saying yes and pleasing everyone. He may have hard boundaries around his time, his space, his money, his health and his heart. 

A “good man” does not act from a space of concern of what others will perceive him as. 

He does not speak from a place  of fear of being accepted. 

 

He knows who he is. 

You can trust in his consistency. 

You can see his strength, his love and his commitment in his eyes and how he chooses to show up in life. 

And he treats his woman the way he treats his life. 

He loves her wide open in respect for himself, 

Out of love for himself. 

And he stays true.

 

Socially unacceptable is the “good man.”

But he is the only man that we women will ever be able to trust and surrender our hearts to. 

 

My man is not nice. 

He is not sweet. 

He is, however, a “good-good man.”

And when I look in his eyes I feel safely held. 

I feel guided by his heart to go deeper into mine. 

I feel his power and strength and I know for certain that I can count on how he will show up in life and with me in any second of our lives together, 

Because he is consistently living from his core. 

 

“Every man knows that his highest purpose in life cannot be reduced to any particular relationship. If a man prioritizes his relationship over his highest purpose, he weakens himself, disserves the universe, and cheats his woman of an authentic man who can offer his full, undivided presence.”

David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man

 

As Always, 

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Ready to explore authentic relationships based on your core? 

Tired of settling for nice guys who just cannot seem to hold you in your beautiful feminine but instead hold you in your masculine energy?

Sick and tired of not truly feeling your man,not being able to trust him?

Reach out to me today to learn all about the Sacred Romance Program for the Empowered Woman. 

I WANT TO NEED HIM – The Tale of Today’s Feminine Surrender.

I WANT TO NEED HIM.

 

This is a statement that a woman made to me as we were speaking about her couple-hood.

 

As I listened to her tale of desire to want to need her man,

that she believed that this is the way that we were designed,

and that so much of our discontent in relationships and life as well as not knowing ourselves comes from this very belief that we women “should not” need men.

That we are just as good and can balance life without a significant other, I thought to myself,

 

SHE IS ABSOLUTELY CORRECT.

 

Women have burdened themselves with the disease of believing that we don’t need men, that it is a sign of weakness. That we are lower than human if we rely on our male counterparts. Or that if we are relying on them that we are selling ourselves for a lifestyle, for safety.

 

And so many women do, do just this.

They settle into relationships not for soul union, not for love, but for comfort and safety. They look at the man’s resume, not his heart.

 

These women are indeed selling themselves.

They are becoming slaves to a lifestyle and a comfort.

They are not acting from soul or love.

 

And to them I could write a million lines,

but today I am addressing the women who are afraid of being perceived this way.

So much so, that they armour themselves from beautiful relationships, they fight to be seen strong at all cost, they feel weak at the thought of receiving help from their man. They do not know how to be supported by the masculine.

 

I am one of these women.

So I share from the depths of my feminine heart on this topic.

I am one of those women that has a ridiculous time receiving from my man.  I have learned through the years to allow him to open doors, to help grab the groceries, to let him help me in house and home. I have gotten over him not cumming every time we make love or him focusing all his attention on my pleasure and not receiving physically in times.

 

I have learned that  his pleasure sometimes is all about my receiving in our sexual union.

 

I  have learned that he loves to witness me in rapture.

That he feels great pleasure and satisfaction in my bliss.

In what he gives to me.

 

But, when it comes to money.

When it comes to bills.

When it comes to buying the groceries.

Medical things.

Needs.

 

Even if it is a trinket that I have my eye on and he asks me, do you want that? He is ready to purchase it for me. He wants to bring me pleasure. He wants to see me adorned. He wants my happiness.

I know this. But I feel like I am taking from him.

That I should not need this.

That it is not okay.

That he will perceive me as a woman who is there for the financial support.

 

And I am scared to lean on him.

I am scared that he will see me as weak.

As needy.

That my heart and love will be missed some how,

that my truth that  I have only eyes and desire for him will be washed over in some way because he has “helped” me.

 

When in truth, it is not even him helping me.

It is a union.

It is a team.

It is US, supporting the whole together.

And it is my pride that stands in the way of the full union.

It is my pride that screams that I should not need him, all the while my soul feels just like the woman above.

 

I WANT TO NEED HIM.

Because I DO!

 

I need his strong masculine guidance.

His leadership.

His logic.

His foresight.

I need his looks of love and adoration.

I need his tenderness.

His humor.

I need his touch.

I need his heart.

I need him to need me.

 

And I do not look at him as though he is weak for wanting me.

Or for needing me.

I know that he needs my feminine heart,

my emotions and touch.

He needs to see my rapture and my tears so he can fully feel who he is at his depth as well.

 

I know that he wants to need me.

 

We both have lived without each other just fine.

We both have been more than capable of living life and supporting our loved ones, building lives, businesses and we could easily choose to continue to do just that.

 

But the union of the masculine and the feminine when done by soul, is a union of desire to be together because together we are stronger.

Together we feel more.

We heal deeper.

We expand fully.

 

It’s not about money or security.

Although together we thrive all the more as well.

 

It’s not about weakness in coming together.

Or comfort.

 

It’s uncomfortable in truth to be vulnerable and wide open with someone. To have no hold backs.

To feel as though there are no barriers,

nothing you do not want seen or felt.

To want to be witnessed at the deepest levels by your mate,

is uncomfortable AF!

 

There is no hiding here.

And we women, hold back from needing our men deeply,

and wanting to need them,

we in turn tell God/Universe that we don’t need them either.

 

It’s hypocritical of us women to say that we are these brilliant life givers, thus manifestors, creators, powerhouses and to know that we are vessels born to receive and then say NO to receiving because we deem it a weakness because it comes from our man.

 

How are we to ever fully become our greatest selves if we consistently deny our receiving, our pleasure, support, love from the great masculine?

 

No wonder we women are lost. 

No wonder so many of us are bitter, non-orgasmic, always choose the wrong man who lets us down. 

We should expect all of this and know that we have set ourselves up for suffering in love, 

To never feel fully loved or cherished because we are not cherishing ourselves. 

It is through our ability to lean into the masculine, to open our hearts and put down our armour with a man that holds us close and wants to need us as well, who gets that he is our king, our knight, our protector and great lover. That through his honor and ability to carry us deeper into ourselves that we find ourselves. 

 

 

It is my belief, and a belief that “just might” be backed by a few spiritual scriptures and structures out there as well, that we are meant to support each other. The equal yoking of the masculine and feminine. 

 

THE DESIRE TO BE ROMANCED LIES DEEP IN THE HEART OF EVERY WOMAN.

IT IS FOR SUCH THAT YOU WERE MADE.

 

I love this quote by John Eldredge.

 

However, for us to  have that desire manifest, we women must open ourselves to God first, 

We must learn to listen to our hearts, our soul, our intuition. We must then open ourselves and lay down the shields and swords of our wounded little girls and let the conscious masculine hold us. 

Love us. 

See us fully. 

We must be open to needing him. 

And we must want to need him. 

 

It is only through our wanting, 

And our understanding that, that wanting is not a weakness but a powerful space of abundance, flow and love, 

That we gain the opportunity to experience true soul union.

 

Our union with our man mirrors our union with the divine, with God.

The trust we show our mate, 

The surrender, 

The rapture, 

The need, 

The wanting.

 

We captivate our men for a reason.

It is because through us he feels life.

 

And we are lifted by his true heart and desire to serve us.

So if you are a woman like myself who struggles with receiving from the masculine, 

If you feel weak or like you will be misperceived in your wanting of his support, his love, his attention, look no further than your heart. 

Ask your truth there. 

And see him as God.

Wanting your rapture in all of life. 

 

As Always, 

Stop Existing & Start Living

The Zero Separation Relationship & Why The Wolrd Hates It!

ZERO SEPARATION.
It’s funny, I have never thought of myself or witnessed myself to be a jealous person.
I have not thought myself to be territorial or possessive.
I have never been a woman who has demanded to be the center of attention with my partner.
I have never really missed my partner when they go away for the day.
I have never not been able to sleep without the connection of a lover.
All in all, I am one of those women who does just fine on her own.
with or without a man.
In or out of relationship.
I am not needy or clingy.
I am not one with a bunch of expectations or demands.
And if my man looks at another woman,
that’s okay. We are all human. We can appreciate other humans.
Flirting is a natural and even healthy thing, in or out of a relationship.
I am not a woman who is concerned about my partners attention or even ponders the idea of them cheating on me. Matter of fact for years I was in an open relationship and joked about how my partner could not cheat on me, because I was good with him receiving pleasure from whatever source he desired. That I knew that he would play hard ball finding a woman that was truly okay with open relating and could remain confident and loving in it.
This is all accurate.
For who I was and the relationships I had.
But today, I find myself in a completely different situation.
Today I want zero space between myself and my partner.
I have to convince myself that it is healthiest to have space. That we need to spend time apart, to enjoy time away from each other.
I have to convince myself that other things are important too,
that my life does not just need nor can it maintain by just being engaged with my man.
I have found that I want the world to just go away.
To leave us.
I have daydreams of a sweet little cabin out in a meadow someplace beautiful on ton’s of acres, where just he and I reside.
We have our garden, we walk, we talk, we make love, we watch the sun rise and set, the stars dance only for us. We plan our future and we enjoy each day entwined.
At night our limbs are enwrapped, he pulls me in tight should space emerge. He kisses me softly on the forehead each morning, and grabs me passionately throughout the day. We share our tears, our laughter, our embarrassments and we have zero space for the world to seep in and cause chaos.
He is my rock.
And I am his.
There is only him and I.
And with this I find that I am not jealous.
I am not possessive.
I am territorial AF!
I do have expectations and I do make demands on time and attention. When I feel a pull away, it is as though my very heart is being severed from my chest.
When I feel his armour rise,
It is as though I have been dropped from the highest tower into great rocks below.
And when the outside comes knocking…
It’s all defenses up.
That territorialism is a protection.
Its boundaries spoken and unspoken.
It is primal in my nature to want to secure the home,
the heart, the relationship.
For this relationship is far too valuable.
It has the feeling of life itself, the feeling of coming home.
Its depth bears with it a remembrance and a desire to make sure that it is never lost arises when the world comes knocking at our door.
Now some might look at this and say that a relationship of this nature has limited trust and knowing.
And the me of yesteryear would be first on that bandwagon.
But the thing that I have learned is that it’s not lacking trust,
not in each other or the relationship. It lacks trust in the ideas and wants of the world around.
And although our intent can be good for those we see in such beauty. We can say and even take action to show that we support a relationship of this nature and depth, but in truth we humans are cunning, fickle souls. We see beauty and something inside of us is angered that it is not ours and so without realization we attempt to destroy through drama, manipulations, anger, becoming a victim or finger pointing.
We stir the pot.
We stomp our feet like a child and we demand that this sort of relationship that we claim is so beautiful and we support is actually dangerous.
The zero separation relationship is based on soul entwinement.
I have read about it in such books as Thomas Moore wrote, (Soul Mates, The Soul of Sex, Care of the Soul & More) as well as much ancient texts from tantra and sufi to the Song of Solomn.
I have tasted bites of this sort of relationship throughout my previous ones, but could I fully grasp the desire, the complexity, the hunger of the soul and the pain of being apart if even for a few hours.
It feels addictive in truth.
It makes me question everything.
And yet I cannot deny that I want for nothing else.
He is mine and I am his, is a statement that dances through my heart and mind consistently.
And to think of allowing the world to seep in and possibly poison even one cell of this relationship is sheer heresy.
Yet we are told in society that this sort of close bonding is unhealthy.
That it is an addiction.
That casting out potential danger,
or setting hard boundaries in our lives,
is not good.
To close the gates of our castle is a joke in today’s world.
We live in fear of the “what if I offend” instead of ruling our lives and relationships with a fierceness of protection.
When we are in an intimate bonding with another and our souls yearn at such a deep level as is written about soulmates and twin flame bondings,
then how could we ever allow the world an opportunity to destroy.
Zero separation.
The vacuum that we must create in the casting out of potential harm. Because in such an intimate bonding of the hearts and souls, there truly is no other.
It is just the two.
Becoming one.
And this is what our union of marriage is supposed to be,
however the majority are far from anything even close to this.
We have great disrespect, a lack of loyalty even to what we deem our mate, our life partner, our spouse, our soulmate, our primary partner, our significant other.
We may make the claim that they are our better half or other half,
but in our allowing of the world to seep in and cause chaos, to spew its anger of what it does not have in your face and try and make you feel pity, are you truly honoring your greatest and highest relationship or are you falling in dissent?
Today I ask you to look at the bond that you have with your partner?
And if you are single, I ask you to look back at your relationships and ask,
“How have I been guilty of creating space for the world to poison the beauty and depth of said intimate relationship?”
It’s time my dear to be real with self.
To see where you have opened the gates to the wolves and let them feed.
If your relationship is just one of passing,
a between that keeps you warm, makes you laugh and entertains you, then perhaps you need not be concerned…
but if your relationship is one you claim to be entwined, deeply in love and wanting eternally ( or at least this lifetime), then it’s time to ask and look within.
What is more important?
Your intimate bond or the world and its desires of you?
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Time to take your love into your own hands and heal from past wounds.
Set down your armour and embrace the life and love that you know is yours.
Want to learn how?
Reach out to me today to explore Soul Entwined Relating Now.
 
Photo Credit DandelionImages

Trust, Truth & Establishing Rock Solid In Couplehood.

OUR TRUST IS BUILT ON THE FOUNDATION OF TRUTH…

But is that true?

 

We would like to believe that it is just this way,

however if we are honest with ourselves there is something that is so much more rare, more important and powerful in letting us know that we can trust someone…

 

All relationships need trust in order to be successful.

For us to open to love fully,

to surrender our deepest hearts to another,

to open our bodies to pleasure with our mate,

or to reveal our pain,

we must have TRUST.

 

Through the course of time and engagement with different people in different relationships we learn that trust is hard to have.

We discover that many people all though they “think” themselves trustworthy, believe that they are worthy of being trusted and that their actions and words support that more than often it is not so.

More frequently then not we learn that those that we trust in are acting from a self-centered aspect only giving of themselves and speaking out of a desire to receive and therefore will make themselves into anything needed to be perceived as steadfast and true.

 

But a person who does not know themselves,

who is not able to be true to their own thoughts, feelings and needs and is willing to “pretend” or mask is a person that is far from trustworthy.

 

Only when we can stand firm in self,

uneeding of anyone else to affirm to us that we are good, loveable, worthy, trustworthy, etc. can we be true to someone else.

 

And that is what we are wanting in our relationships.

Especially in our most intimate primary love relationships.

We want to know that our partner is true.

 

We want to know that if the sh*t were to hit the fan that they are there for us, no matter.

We want to know that they have our backs in battle and in love.

We want to know that even if they do not agree with us that they value the relationship more than they value being right or making a point.

 

We want ROCK SOLID.

 

And rock solid comes from unshakable trust in each other.

Trust is established, built and supported not by truth but by support of each other despite opinions, beliefs and even truth.

Trust must come from a harmony of knowing that we are supported fully but also that our partner will be honest with us.

 

Meaning that they will always share their feelings and thoughts around things no matter how different or challenging, but will not allow for those feelings and thoughts to take center stage and offset the unity and foundation of the relationship.

 

There must be an understanding that there is a difference between truth and honesty.

 

Truth is subject to one’s own perception and experiences and then made into a fact unless scientifically revealed. Even our own truth in history is subject to opinion and written by those who conquered for the most part. Often truth is based in a need to be right or to set something straight.

 

Where honesty, although still subject to one’s own perceptions and experience is a sharing of our core views, beliefs and feelings. True honesty is based on surrender and trust of being received.

 

OUR TRUST IS BUILT ON SUPPORT.

 

If you know that you cannot fall, how far can you go in life?

What sort of life challenges can you overcome?

 

If you know that there is no goodbye in your relationship, how deep can you surrender to your soul and into the revealing of it with another?

 

If you know that even if you are wrong in a choice or opinion that your back is had in every turn without question, how much more powerful and even able to hear and see the truth could you be?

 

Trust equals freedom to be you and surrender fully into the relationship.

How are you showing up for your love?

 

As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Explore the depths of what is needed to build trust and enjoy a rock solid commitment with your partner.  Reach out to me for my elite couples coaching today.

 

LISTEN TO IN COUPLEHOOD TRUTH VS. SUPPORT LIVESTREAM NOW.

AND I CAME CRASHING BACK INTO MY HEART…JUST LIKE THAT.

AND I CAME CRASHING BACK INTO MY HEART… JUST LIKE THAT.

 

He grabbed me,

kissed me and pushed me back onto the bed.

I was rambling on and on about my frustration,

my anger. Lost in thought and the mind.

I was distant from him.

Distant from me.

And lost beyond measure.

I could not feel my heart,

in truth I did not even want to right then.

I had been triggered and I was pissed.

Not at him.

At life in general.

My flow had been disrupted,

I had allowed it to happen and I was out of control of my life in that instant. The chaos of kids, work, house and family stirred around me and I just wanted solitude and peace but had no way of obtaining it because inside I was a storm that I had not even slowed to recognize.

 

And that was what he did.

He slowed me.

He grabbed a hold of me and led me back to my heart.

That space that I was forced into feeling my truth.

That space where I knew I was not alone in this world,

that space where he was not going to let me run from him, from us, from me.

And he passionately took hold of me there.

He moved with clarity, direction and determination.

I tried to fight his lead.

My mouth was rambling, but he kissed me and would not take my ego based words.

I pushed up against him and ran from feeling him physically, mentally, emotionally.

But he tore off my clothes and laid me naked, vulnerable before him. Devouring my flesh like a hungry wild animal and forcing me to come back to him.

Pressing himself into me,

not letting me go.

I fought with myself to feel.

I fought with the urge to physically stop his love at that moment.

Where days before I found myself lost in a trance of our eyes gazing  during our sexing, here I lay closing my eyes and wanting to hide.

Hiding from the reveal of my soul.

Hiding from my pain in feeling lost and angry.

Hiding by throwing up my armour and not allowing myself to feel.

Not allowing his intensity to penetrate my core.

My armour was weakening.

And tears fell.

My chest became tense as I attempted to hold back my breaking,

the cracking of my armour, the cracking of my heart and the desire to fully open to his touch, his kiss, his presence, his love.

His breath softly moving across my breast,

my heart beat instensing,

I could feel him.

As I came back to him,

back to us,

back me,

he let out the affirming words of, “Yes. yes.yes.”

I knew that he too felt me dropping.

Felt me feeling him.

And as I laid down my armour my pleasure arose.

with mine his came too.

And I was drawn in.

I was seen.

I was held.

I was fulfilled.

And my trust grew.

 

————————————————————————–

 

This is the taking of the feminine that the masculine must learn.

It is in deep love and devotion.

It is in divine leadership and surrender all the saame,

and it is based in soul consciousness.

Often mistaken for control or for a desire to have one’s way,

the difference is in the emotional investment in the moment, in the relationship and the centeredness in self.

The masculine is meant to lead the femeine home to her heart.

And it is the masculine that must remain strong in these moments, strong in love. Not cowering to the feminines fires but standing firm in who they are and in their purpose beyond their mate, beyond their fear or ego or desire to control her fires, but in turn they must handle her with care and passion, clarity and direction. She must feel his leadership as well as his surrender to his own heart to be able to trust him to lead her back to her  own.

 

This is the dance.

 

As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

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WHY I DON’T DO BRITH CONTROL HORMONES…

 

WHY I DON’T DO BIRTH CONTROL HORMONES….

 

And WHY I don’t believe that any conscious woman should.

 

Say what?

That sounds crazy right?

Birth control is a smart thing.

And science has created a way for us to take charge of if we have children or not. There are so many options in today’s world from a multitude of birth control pills, shots, films, sponges, rings, etc. etc.

 

Not only are we protected 99.9% from unwanted pregnancy but we also can have clearer skin, lighter periods even fewer periods and have certainty as to when our flow is. Something that can get altered when you are not on hormone based birth control.

 

Birth control puts the woman in a power position for sure.

But here is the thing…

Before you string me up to crucify me and say well Kendal, no wonder you have seven children, you don’t do birth control. I want to share a few scientific things with you after my intimacy share on my seven children.

 

You see many years ago, like 29 years ago I was fifteen years old.

I was a virgin. Never even been kissed. And I had regular periods that were always on time, I had clear skin because I have always been conscious of the food going in my body, my skin’s health and hydration. So no pimply faced girl here, even back then.

AND there were zero boys in my world.

But my mom, being a concerned mom for her little girl that was becoming a woman took me to the gyno and told me that I needed to get on birth control to….(ready for the silliness…)

 

Get my period regulated and help with my skin, limit my breakouts.

 

My argument was that I did not want chemicals in my body when there was no reason for them.  And the reasons given made no sense for all that I already shared that my mom knew clearly.

But mom said, so I did.

 

But I started taking birth control pills regardless of the facts.

Of course not long thereafter a boy popped up in my world.

And after a year of dating we had sex.

Unprotected sex because I was on the pill, so we had nothing to worry about.

We had a ton of unprotected sex.

Because there was nothing to worry about.

And no one bothered to inform me of anything different.

Condoms were known of,

they were spoken of,

but no one made a big deal out of them,

it was all about the pill.

Time went on and the boy and I broke up.

I quickly ( like 3 months later, quickly) found myself in bed with a man, who would become my husband shortly thereafter. We moved quickly into sex, unprotected sex because we had nothing to worry about, I was on the pill.

Well life got crazy, and I missed a pill.

Not knowing that I was fertile myrtle, I ended up pregnant right off the bat from one missed pill.

Welcome to the world child #1.

After birthing her, I got back on the pill,

one month I developed a bladder infection and took medication for it that canceled out my birth control but the doctor did not warn me and I was young and undereducated, and so welcome child #2.

Then… then I got smart…

I decided to get this new thing called the Depo Shot…

and my marriage was unhappy as hell so I ended up cheating on my husband, well the Depo Shot had no clue how fertile I was, because somehow someway it did not work and welcome child #3.

I had no clue what had taken place and my doctor suggested that I go on this other new birth control pill because it was to be really good, AND it supposedly would not cause the weight gain, the mood changes or fatigue that I was getting from the Depo Shot…

and so I did.

Well life got stressful again,

and we moved residences, we fought horribly, we moved again, and somehow in the midst of the chaos I ended up pregnant again.

Welcome child #4.

I grew tired of all the keeping track of four children under 10 and the pill that had to be taken at the same time each day or it would fuck up, plus my moods were no better. I was feeling lost in myself.

So I went back to the Depo Shot, thinking that maybe after all these years it got better. At very least I only had to deal with it once every three months.  In the midst of depression and despair I found myself on the Depo Shot, 30 pounds heavier then what I should be and pregnant yet again with child #5. The doctor could not understand how I could get pregnant two times on the depo shot without any medication interference, but it happened.

And THEN my husband had had enough….

 

He got clipped.

And I got off ALL hormone based birth control.

And you know what happened?

I found myself again.

The weight dropped off with ease.

My mind cleared.

My mood stabilized.

My periods were not as fierce and painful.

My immune system improved.

I felt so much better.

but now I had one massive issue.

Every time I had sex with my husband,

my body rejected the sex.

I would break out in a burning mess.

My pussy was pissed at the experience.

And I was not wanting anything to do with him.

I was unattracted, turned off and could not bring myself to even really be willing to go into any sexual experience with him.

At one point I even thought I might be allergic to his semen.

And so that thought led me down a path of discovery.

Turned out that we women can be allergic to a man’s semen.

Also turns out that hormone based birth control has a major impact on a woman’s immune system, and moods.

And do you want to know what the most astounding tidbit that I discovered was and is the MAIN REASON why I am sharing this post… the main reason why I do not take it and instead preach condoms… (outside of the sheer fact that the birth control pill does not protect against disease of any sort)…

 

“…contraceptive pill use alters mate preferences, women who had taken hormonal contraceptives while meeting their partner and later discontinued their usage (as many do when they wish to conceive) may feel disenchanted with their initial partner choice. Indeed, the use of hormonal contraceptives may not only affect initial partner choice but also have unintended consequences for women’s relationship satisfaction if contraceptive pill use subsequently changes. Prior studies have provided evidence for this hypothesis, indicating that women who had used hormonal contraceptives when they first met their partner and then ceased to take them experience lower levels of sexual and relationship satisfaction5 and are more likely to get divorced….” (Gurit Birnbaum, Ph.D., is a professor at the Baruch Ivcher School of Psychology, the Interdisciplinary Center Herzliya. Psychology Today)

 

I believe that any conscious woman who wants to develop a truly loving and connected relationship with a man should be aware that if she is on a hormone based contraceptive that she is most likely not getting the right reading of the man.

 

It has been my discovery since the days of birth control and myself that my attraction is opposite to what it used to be.

 

After all we get into relationships not just for the purpose of starting up a family or getting a dad for our kids from our previous relationships. Typically we are looking for love and connection. We are wanting long term satisfaction, happiness and attraction to our mate. So why not create the most conscious space for it. A space where our body wisdom can be heard?

 

Of course that would also mean that we would have to be willing to want to hear it.

And even more importantly it would require all of us women who desire to be standing strong in our personal power to also be willing to speak our truth and ask for our needs to be met around sex and sexual practices more, instead of just spreading our legs and letting the men in our lives do as they want unconsciously.

 

It would require us to speak up about safe sex.

It would require us to value ourselves enough to not just ask but demand that protection be used,

and if we are truly not wanting to have any children to have the conversations with our partner(s) around this.

 

We are not taught as a people to have this sort of real, open relating. We are not taught as women that we can ask and even demand that our bodies be respected as we choose.

We are not warned of the possible and common complications that can impact our bodies as well as our desires and psyche from such things as contraceptives, but we are taught as women that it is OUR RESPONSIBILITY to make sure that we take care of that fertility thing.

 

I for one wish my mother had never stolen this right from me. I wish that my body had been given the opportunity to fully mature without extra hormones and all the issues that it has been known to cause on an undeveloped female productive system. I wish that I had been better educated in my youth about sex and sexual health and rights. I wish that someone had been there to guide me better and give me the option as to what to do with my body and explain everything instead of pushing me down what was considered normal and healthy, responsible.

 

At the end of the day,

The most loving and responsible thing we can do for ourselves as women and for the men we choose to do relationships with is to come into that relationship as OURSELVES.  Not altered by chemicals.

 

For the same reasons it is not a healthy practice to have sex drunk or under the influence of drugs,

we should not be having sex under the influence of hormones that are not of our own bodies design.

 

Perhaps we would find that more people would be happy in the relationship choices that they make.

Perhaps more people would not go through all the depression and lostness if they could be authentically themselves.

Perhaps more women would not be labeled “CRAZY” if they were not being bounced around by pharmaceuticals in the pursuit to make pregnancy all the woman’s responsibility and take away the responsibility of the men to be conscious of their bodies, their control and health.

 

Perhaps.

 

Just random thoughts from a mother of three daughters of her own. 

A woman who values her relationships with men, and wants to only get involved with those that are authentically “right” for me…

As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Time to claim your truth is beautiful.

Time to say yes to valuing yourself, to loving yourself and knowing who you really are.

But in order to do this you have to desire to fall in love with the real you.

And if you are looking for love and success,

but wonder why it is always just out of grasp then maybe it’s really time for you to explore your truth.

From sexual health choices to learning your authentic yes and no,

you have never been told its okay to be YOU.

 

I am here to reveal to you that it is more than OKAY.

It is your duty to your happiness to do just that.

 

Reach out to me to discover options for coaching today.

THE NAMES MEN CALL WOMEN AND THE EFFECT THEY CAN HAVE.

SWEETIE. BABY GIRL. CUTIE. LITTLE LADY.
These are among some of my most hated terms.
When a man speaks these words to me,
they send me running energetically away from him.
Nothing is more disgusting than being referred to as a small cute child like soul when you are a grown ass woman.
It certainly is not sexy to be called these things,
unless you are among the pedofilies in the world who get off on such things.
And I guess according to laws that are being tossed around for approval right now,
pedofilia is “natural.”
So maybe I am wrong here in my views.
Maybe I just believe that sexual relationship and sexual come ons should be directed at consenting adults,
and to call a woman a girl is something belittling.
Perhaps.
Or perhaps the term “girl” “sweetie” or “baby girl” is conducive for women who are not comfortable in their sexuality, in their flesh and their stature as a woman.
Perhaps some appreciate to be called such names because they find safety in a man holding the power over them as such.
And believe me, I can understand the beauty and turn on in power play and that a woman in her feminine may appear more ditzy at times, lighthearted and playful. Almost a child like innocence to her character,
but calling a woman,
“little, cute, or girl” is certainly not words of affirmation about her powerful being, or strong sexuality, or sensualness.
Terms that relate to children in my opinion should just remain out of adult sexual play or courting.
But THAT is just me.
That is just what I am turned off too.
And the reality is that if you are turned on to it and you are a woman who loves to be be called “girl” for whatever reason,
then fucking go for it.
YOU DO YOU.
I stand firm in my opinion that there is not really anything that is abnormal or unhealthy about our sexual desires or differences.
Nothing except for when we wrap in children or animals.
Neither of these can authentically consent or have the mental/emotional capability of making a decision based on sound understanding, nor are they physically built for such acts.
But that is a whole different story,
one I could go deeply passionate about because of the shit transpiring in our world that everyone is wanting to hide and turn their attention from,
but it is so fucking real.
Anyway back to the name calling.
The thing I want to point out is a level of respect that names share.
The names that we choose to call people by telling a story of how we see that person, how we feel or think of them.
And then you have the flip side of that,
The names that we call people impact that person based on their past, and can trigger many emotions and responses.
Some can be wonderful and deep.
Some can be painful and shameful.
Some can trigger feelings of “You have no right.”
In other words,
you need to get to know the person you are calling on with such terms prior to just assuming that it is okay.
For example,
I hate being called “honey” but I allow one friend/lover to do such because it is his word with me. It has been built up over a decade of a deep friendship and intimacy and I actually feel an endearing to him when he checks in on me and says,
“honey.” But anyone else, OMFG! Just shut up and get away from me. Not okay.
I have a handful of men that I feel good about being called “babe” with, these men have a certain masculine vibe with me that it works. And they do not over use it. But when I get random messages on social media or a text from someone that is not at this level of my inner circle saying that, they get bitch-tood right back at them or ignored.
And the word “sweetie,” or “baby girl” or “cutie” — WELL THROW UP!
I don’t care who you are, it’s not working. Makes me want to grab someone by the balls and do not so nice things.
WHY?
Just because that is how I personally feel about these words.
They are fighting words to me if anything.
Many men like to call women “love” and it is a pretty general term these days,
I even catch myself saying it to people.
But not random people I have never met or do not know well enough to exchange terms of endearment with,
and I always make sure that the feelings are mutual and I am not crossing any lines.
But again,
many men tend to think it okay to approach out the gates with this comment,
believing that women will be captivated and I guess drop to their knees and say, “OMG where have you been all my life, I feel so much love coming from you, I just can’t control myself. I must get with you.” —- REALLY?
Said no confident woman ever to a man who drops a cheap ass line like that or any of the ones above.
Name calling is a big deal,
weather you want to believe it or not,
agree with my feelings on these names or not,
I can promise you one thing,
when someone calls you a name,
or you call someone a name,
you feel something,
and that impression that you feel sets a boundary.
Sets a tone to the whole relationship.
Just the other day a dear man in my life messaged me,
“Good morning Kendal.”
I have chosen to allow this man into my more intimate world,
into my inner circle and life and connect deeper with me. This has occurred over a year of deep relating and learning each other,
and so I responded back and said,
“Please call me Rene ( my middle name) it’s the name I choose to go by with those close to my heart.”
Now first, dear men reading this, if you are not this man or the few, and I mean VERY FUCKING few people that I am down for using my middle name, then please DO NOT message me saying “hey Rene”
that will not get you any brownie points.
Second, what I was sharing with him was my trust.
My heart and that I was wanting and willing to be more vulnerable, more seen with him.
That he had earned it by being a man that respected me in so many ways.
Had he played his cards different and called me by any of the names above on my DO NOT USE list,
well this would not have happened.
And then we would not be as close as we are either.
Name calling holds energy.
And this is what you need to understand.
Name calling says a ton about both sides.
Respecting someone,
loving someone means that you get to know them first and listen to their needs.
And guess what the first exchange in any relationship typically is?
Yes our name exchange.
So to make an assumption and start off with your choice of name just because that’s what you like,
that’s what you feel comfortable with,
is you disregarding the others feelings and doing potentially exactly what some of these names lay evidence too.
Make small of that person.
So get to know a person.
Respect a person.
And realize this,
WORDS HAVE POWER.
 
 
 
 
As Always,
 
Stop Existing & Start Living
 
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
 
 
 
What are you waiting for my love?
 
Let’s get you your power back.
 
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