WHEN SOMEONE WANTS YOU TO BE SOMETHING THEY REFUSE TO SEE WHO YOU ARE…
Over and over again I am reminded of just how blind we humans can be in our relationships.
And then we wonder why people shut down, walk away or get upset with us.
But it is often because we are blinded by our own desires and beliefs of who people are and how we want them or expect them to show up in relationship with us that creates this disharmony.
Recently I have been blessed with the opportunity to witness numerous people in my life sharing with me how they perceive me. Who they think I am, how they think I should react or expect me to react, what they believe my desires are in life, work, and even in my intimate relationships and more.
And it is interesting and saddening to witness these people do just this because I sit here realizing that the reality is that no matter how much I show up differently then what they believe,
no matter how much I communicate who I am RIGHT NOW, or what my desires are, what my boundaries are that they simply cannot hear me and actually believe often that it is not them but me with the communication issues.
I have served my fair share in the land of not communicating well.
I have had my issues with boundaries and stating what I am a F-ck Yes too and what I am a F-ck No too,
and I have moments in my current as well where I drag my feet and try to read between the lines or make the best decision that will cause the least amount of hurt feelings, be the best for someone else and put myself on the back burner….
(I am human and all and get caught in my own crap. Shhhhhh…. I get it…. I know better. I do.)
But at the end of the day,
I have looked my shadow self in the eye many a time,
I have felt into my ego and called it out of the darkness and see it for what it is more frequently then not,
and when it comes to speaking up and out on things,
well often I don’t give two sh*ts and just state it as it is.
So in this understanding of the timid young woman that was the wall flower just a little over decade ago who would get trampled by many, to the woman that I am today that has a deep understanding that I am only responsible for my emotions, thoughts and actions and I cannot make anyone else happy,
I find myself in awe of so many people in my life who simply refuse to see who I am.
Old lovers, spouses, friends, children and even clients have recently revealed how they are stuck in an older version of me.
To the point that they REFUSE to see or allow any sort of change in my pattern, even when it is so vastly different right in their face.
But WHY IS THAT?
Why do we humans refuse to allow others to change?
Why do we ignore who someone is, trying to become or even acting on being in any area of their life?
The answer in my opinion is pretty f-cking simple…..
BECAUSE IT DOES NOT SERVE OUR BEST INTEREST IN OUR MIND OR DOES NOT GRANT US WHAT WE WANT FROM SAID INDIVIDUAL.
If our drinking buddy who has been our wing man for the last decade suddenly sobers up and gets married,
then where does that leave us?
In our life and choices?
If they start to make changes and different choices that do not support what we are wanting then no matter how happy we may be for them, we find ourselves feeling lost and lonely suddenly.
And the reason is that we are looking for some form of our happiness, our fulfillment to be met by this other person.
And in order for us to have what we want THEY NEED TO STAY OR BE SOMETHING THAT SUPPORTS THIS VERSION of who we want.
It has nothing to do with the other person and everything to do with us.
We can say that we want the best for someone else,
and I have heard that statement a lot over the 100 days,
but when it comes down to it we will tell our loved one that they are overreacting, that they are not seeing things straight, that they are having a midlife crisis, going crazy, are no longer fun or are now being anti-social. We will find fault in their actions, demeanor, thoughts and feelings and when they share who they are and what they want from life we will unconsciously plug our ears, close our eyes and act like a four year old by chanting nah-nah-nah in our heads and never notice that we are doing any of the sort but instead turn around and tell our loved one that they got it all wrong, it’s this way and not that. That they want this or that instead.
To take it to extreme levels,
its like we are raping our loved one’s.
And what I mean by that is that it is like the rapist that tells the woman that she is wet when she is dry and that she is turned on when she is terrified and then thanks her for making him feel so good.
Now granted that I know that this is an extreme,
but the truth is that anytime when we refuse to see who someone is showing up as, refusing to hear their words and tell them that they are the ones who are not communicating or saying something else, or tell someone that they are just this or that when they are not, what we are doing is denying that person in totality.
We are making our desires and views of who they are more important than who they really are and we are forcing our will on them.
We all are guilty of doing this in life and in relationships.
First we must recognize this fact.
We are all blind to the people in our lives and we get caught up in who we perceive them to be.
That is why it is so true that perception is reality.
When perception becomes so strong often the person who is making the change falls weak after time and just gives into what “everyone” is saying and believing and the only true way for them to get away from said perceived reality is to fully disconnect from those who are stating it.
So I ask you today,
Where are you believing that you really know someone and in truth are actually not allowing them to be them?
Where is your blindness in the relationship?
And As Always,
Stop Existing And Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Want to know more about how to create dynamic magical relationships based in truth and love? Reach out to me today for 1:1 mentorship now.
So time for some perfectly balanced SEO that breaks the algorithm:
We can include terms like baby shark and pewdiepie to really broaden the audience and then spice it up with some among us and Minecraft crossed with the hit new youtube sensation that is rust on the OTV server featuring twitch funny moments from jackscepticeye. I also have to mention music, asmr and markiplier that are all important terms here on youtube. Let us not forget of course the makeup and fashion community by referencing shane dawson and james charles. Now whilst this is COMPLETE GIBBERISH to most an algorithm is able to pick out the specific key terms in this post and promote it accordingly. So lets support the Kpop stans by mentioning bts and lofi hip hop. We can even talk about some other big channels like mrbeast and dantdm. For some reason in 2020 some of the most searched tags are game of thrones and avengers endgame… Let us of course not forget the most important things of the year like dunke peppa pig and roblox! Time for all the top current searches Among Us – online game, new song 2020, pop smoke and techno gamerz and tubbo smp! Time For todays new aditions in SEO too: Thanos, fifa, joe biden, inauguration, Tommy, sidemen, mod, update, rt game, yogscast, the spiffing brit, game, predator, fortnite update, fortnite predator, boss!
COMING TOGETHER IN THE WOUND…
OR TOGETHER IN THE HEALING…
We meet our mirrors at different points in time on our life journey.
We are intrigued, even aroused by these meetings.
We sometimes catch the feels,
And get committed.
And often this is the exact case that creates a defined relationship in today’s society.
Two people living thier own life experiences,
Meeting and connecting from thier wounded selves. From a space of feeling broken, fearful, unworthy and incomplete.
And they find themselves drawn into another who is just this as well.
They find this other lost soul who has all these similarities and hopes.
They share thier pain, thier saga and desire to have something more.
And so like magnets they connect.
They feel supported feeding each other the understanding and love that they crave.
They feel seen, heard and like thier mate gets them.
And they do.
Because both are operating from the wound.
The wound remains to a degree for both,
It gets triggered here and there,
Bringing doubt and fear into the hearts of the couple.
But they come together and assure each other that they are there.
And then it happens…
One of them starts to feel better.
Stops masking thier pain,
Stops hiding in thier guilt and suffering and chooses to open up again.
Chooses to breathe life in again.
Choose to heal,
To grow and become whole yet again.
And when this happens thier mate is provided an opportunity to do the same or to burrow themselves into more sadness.
More frustration and fear.
And thus end the relationship.
Because you see when one grows and heals and the other does not then it is the destiny of the relationship to end.
Growth and healing increases your vibration.
It will have you feeling full, in love with life, good about yourself and have you desiring for more in all of your life.
When vibrations increase for one partner but the other does not match vibration any longer then the two will start to experience challenges in connection, understanding each other, there will become an irritation between them like sandpaper and unless one of them does something to change thier frequency then its inevitable that they will split.
Now granted the one who started to grow, heal, transform certainly could hault thier opening. They could work on shrinking themselves again, and grow slower but typically even though this is a possibility it rarely happens because the momentum of growth becomes intoxicating and neither party want a shrinkage to happen.
Even though it quickly becomes evident as to what will occur.
So obviously the best choice to maintain the relationship is for the other partner to take self- responsibility and lean into the scary land of transformation. But its tricky.
They have to lean in because they want the growth for self…
Not just to save the relationship,
Otherwise the vibration will become needy and cause even more irritation between the two.
You cannot lie about your vibration.
And you cannot manipulate your vibration.
On the other spectrum,
Coming together in healing…
Or in growing.
When we meet someone in this place,
Where we are each doing our work,
Learning to take responsibility for self, emotions and actions.
Leaning into our hearts and souls and catching the ego,
When we meet from a place of expansion we find ourselves again feeling deep connection, understanding, love and catching the feels for this other person who is meeting us where we are.
And it feels beautiful.
It feels supportive but not like the crutch of the wounded connection,
Instead supportive from a sense of freedom to be self and to be witnessed just as we are.
This sort of bonding,
As long as both parties continue to love self first, own thier emotions, thoughts and actions and keep leaning into thier individual expansions,
Then they together will connect deeper,
Be witnessed from a truly authentic level,
Experience a quickening in personal growth as well as a melding and accelerated joint growth and transformation which will with its individual vibrational increases also create a worm hole of momentum toward the couples unity.
Here a couple can experience the highest of relationship connectedness in vulnerability, intimacy and authentic unconditional love.
They will be able to cross through challenging waters together because they both built strong individual boats first and are sailing the choppy seas of life side by side, supporting each other but not trying to glue thier boats together in need which only creates instability and weakness in self and relationship.
True mature loving relationship understand and value self and growth first.
They choose to journey together because its a beautiful transformational path to share but they do not need someone by thier side to love the path they are on.
They do what they do because it feels good to them and for them,
Not because they aim to please anyone else.
Look at your relationships of today and yesterday,
Were they founded in the wound or in healing and growth?
What is your desire in your relationship story?
And how is the founding of your current expanding you or holding you back?
Time to get clear.
Time to be real.
Time to connect from strength.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers ”
Reach out to me to discover how you can call in a high vibe relationship today.
Sometimes it will not be perfect.
Sometimes you will mess up.
Sometimes it just won’t carry the energy that you want it to.
Sometimes it will be blah…
and you will feel all humbug over it.
But that is just sometimes.
And those sometimes only build energy and power when you focus on them and give them such.
I have humbug moments all the time.
My energy ebbs and flows with the best of you.
Sometimes I write a musing or do one of my daily live streams and find myself asking,
“Why did I even do that? It was horrible.”
But you know what,
when you are building your empire,
and focused on creating that dream life that you know that you are worthy of on the days that you are not so humbug,
then what matters is not always the words that are coming from your lips or finger tips but the CONSISTENTLY to do the damn thing that you know that you need to do to call in the life that you know you are meant to have.
If this is around building a business,
then its about being consistent in your messaging and showing the f-ck up to your tribe a few times a day,
letting them feel you no matter where you are at.
If this is around relationships,
then its about consistently sharing your heart and being present in the relationship.
No matter the subject of your life that you are feeling all humbug about,
the thing to keep in mind is CONSISTENCY.
Without it you will get no where quickly.
With it you will move mountains.
And if you catch yourself feeling low vibe about the things you love so much all too often,
then you best check what kind of thoughts you are consistently thinking too, beautiful.
If you are focusing in on things that are not your core WHY,
are not coming from a place of soul,
or your heart then beware what might be taking hold of you and consistently preaching fear, doubt and worry into your system.
CONSISTENCY in your thoughts has the greatest power over your life.
What you focus on grows.
And often we do not have the self-awareness to realize that we are self- sabotaging with the conversations that we are having with ourselves. Often we choose to not do the most uncomfortable thing that we can,
and that is to LISTEN IN on the words that we speak to ourselves.
These statements that we share in our most deep and intimate space of self are the deciding factors to the paths that we take in our lives.
And anyone who has ever done something great has started cleaning up the habitual thoughts that cause the muck in clarity and truth finding.
As long as you choose ignore your thoughts and ignore taking responsibility for them,
As long as you deny your power to change them and to change the way that you are feeling right now,
You will continue to suffer and not create the life that you want.
Today is a new day beautiful.
Today is a day for you to call in the life that you want.
Today you can SAY YES to YOU.
And today you can CHOOSE what you focus on.
What is your focus for today?
or this week?
Ready to CLAIM YOUR LIFE?
I sure AF hope so!
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
NOT REALLY 100% INVESTED ARE YOU? AT LEAST NOT THIS YEAR – Maybe Next???
I ask a question of people on my applications to work with me, it goes like this:
Are you willing to invest in your coaching process fully if we decide to work together?
And the options are:
*Yes! Absolutely. I fully understand the power of investing into myself and committing to the process.
* I am unsure as to what I want or my commitment level.
* No, I am just exploring options at this time.
The majority of the people who fill out my application, no matter what their truth may be click on option one.
They proclaim that they understand the power of investing in themselves FULLY and what commitment is.
Funny thing happens though once they are faced with their truth. Or their financial situation. Or their lack of worth. Or their FEAR. This is a big effing one.
They make excuses.
They do everything they can to hide from the f-cking fact that they don’t want it bad enough for themselves.
Now you most likely are thinking,
“That’s not me, Kendal, I want it. I want it more than anything. I am 100% invested in whatever I need to do or make happen to have the life that I desire and know I was born to live. ”
Are you sure?
Because I am willing to wager that you are not as invested or committed to self as you believe that you are.
I am saying this because I see you.
I see you making the statements.
And proclaiming that you want this, and this and this too.
And I see you getting side tracked.
I see life getting in your way.
I see your beautiful,
logical reasons that you are offering up as to why you have not done this or that.
Yeah I see you.
I see how you are short changing yourself.
And here is the real deal beautiful,
YOU ARE WORTH SO MUCH MORE THAN WHAT YOU ARE ALLOWING FOR YOURSELF.
But you will NEVER have it if you do not stop effing around and avoiding the opportunities to have it because you are scared of having it.
You are scared aren’t you?
Its manifesting itself as concern.
Its coming up as worry, and fatigue, and chaos.
And you continue to pretend that everything is okay.
You run along and just keep acting like life is all groovy,
that you got your shiz in order and that you don’t really need the help. But then you say I need help. I don’t understand. I cannot get movement here, this is sucking over here.
You proclaim, “I AM READY FOR A CHANGE.”
And so you call in the opportunity.
And then you cry about the commitment.
You turn your nose up at the investment.
You make an excuse.
You know what matters more to you then your desire,
than your happiness,
than whatever it is that you are claiming you want?
The bottom dollar means more.
The what’s this going to cost me.
You walk into the land of change with the objection of price, and you are under some damn idea that it should be gifted to you and Oh Yeah It should not mean that you have to apply yourself to making the change.
Let’s not forget that.
You want me to do what?
Spend how much time on my inner work?
Commit to what with my partner/spouse?
You want me to actually take action?
Nah, I don’t want it that bad this year.
When I have made my million dollars then I will revisit this.
When I am stable emotionally, financially, physically then I will explore this.
I don’t have (fill in the blank) right now to do this.
Honey, if this is you I am writing about realize that with that sort of mindset and lack of commitment the thing you are wanting to have happen WILL NEVER HAPPEN.
Do you get how miracles happen?
They happen when we expect them too.
When we open ourselves through faith and putting ourselves up to the test. You have to not just step but LEAP if you want a miracle.
Making excuses will never get you this or the life that you want.
Matter a fact, if you want to know how much something of this potency is going to cost you here is the actual answer that you need to digest and sit with:
If you don’t do it – It will cost you YOUR LIFE. Your EVERYTHING.
Because you know what you have been doing,
You know where it has gotten you,
You feel what it feel’s like to be living this way,
and you are hungry.
So if you keep doing what you have always done,
YOU WILL STARVE!
So may people are under the assumption that if you just sit in a certain position,
think great thoughts and breathe a certain way that you never have to actually get off your ass and do something to manifest your dreams and goals.
So many other people, believe that if they just keep doing what they have been doing and work harder, scrimp more and freak out more that they will be successful in time and have the life that they want.
MOFO – NEWSFLASH!
Neither is accurate.
Neither will lead to your greatest, happiest life.
You are out of alignment in both cases,
and you are not taking the action that your SOUL wants you too.
So WTF do you do beautiful?
This is up to YOU!
My suggestion is get REAL.
Make the MOFO INVESTMENT.
Stop making excuses and continuing to do the same things expecting different results,
this is crazy.
But what do I know?
I don’t know you, and perhaps you don’t know you.
That is most likely the root of your issue beautiful.
And As always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
Coaching For Grwon A*s Believers
It’s time that you start to say YES to the most important person in the room beautiful. It’s time that you accept your worth, and step onto this path that your SOUL is calling you too.
I know how hard the steps may appear.
I know that you are fearful, that you doubt if you have what it takes to make this shiz happen for you or not.
But I promise you that YOU can do it.
You can have it.The first step though is to recognize that you must let go and have faith in your process of getting there.
Listen to your SOUL and follow it’s lead.
Imagine having a coach who has been on a similar path guide you, help you discover the deeper meanings of what soul is wanting you to know.
What would it feel like to have that sort of support and guidance?
You can have this.
Message me for deet’s on 1:1 Private mentoring and coaching today.