WHEN SOMEONE WANTS YOU TO BE SOMETHING THEY REFUSE TO SEE WHO YOU ARE…
Over and over again I am reminded of just how blind we humans can be in our relationships.
And then we wonder why people shut down, walk away or get upset with us.
But it is often because we are blinded by our own desires and beliefs of who people are and how we want them or expect them to show up in relationship with us that creates this disharmony.
Recently I have been blessed with the opportunity to witness numerous people in my life sharing with me how they perceive me. Who they think I am, how they think I should react or expect me to react, what they believe my desires are in life, work, and even in my intimate relationships and more.
And it is interesting and saddening to witness these people do just this because I sit here realizing that the reality is that no matter how much I show up differently then what they believe,
no matter how much I communicate who I am RIGHT NOW, or what my desires are, what my boundaries are that they simply cannot hear me and actually believe often that it is not them but me with the communication issues.
I have served my fair share in the land of not communicating well.
I have had my issues with boundaries and stating what I am a F-ck Yes too and what I am a F-ck No too,
and I have moments in my current as well where I drag my feet and try to read between the lines or make the best decision that will cause the least amount of hurt feelings, be the best for someone else and put myself on the back burner….
(I am human and all and get caught in my own crap. Shhhhhh…. I get it…. I know better. I do.)
But at the end of the day,
I have looked my shadow self in the eye many a time,
I have felt into my ego and called it out of the darkness and see it for what it is more frequently then not,
and when it comes to speaking up and out on things,
well often I don’t give two sh*ts and just state it as it is.
So in this understanding of the timid young woman that was the wall flower just a little over decade ago who would get trampled by many, to the woman that I am today that has a deep understanding that I am only responsible for my emotions, thoughts and actions and I cannot make anyone else happy,
I find myself in awe of so many people in my life who simply refuse to see who I am.
Old lovers, spouses, friends, children and even clients have recently revealed how they are stuck in an older version of me.
To the point that they REFUSE to see or allow any sort of change in my pattern, even when it is so vastly different right in their face.
But WHY IS THAT?
Why do we humans refuse to allow others to change?
Why do we ignore who someone is, trying to become or even acting on being in any area of their life?
The answer in my opinion is pretty f-cking simple…..
BECAUSE IT DOES NOT SERVE OUR BEST INTEREST IN OUR MIND OR DOES NOT GRANT US WHAT WE WANT FROM SAID INDIVIDUAL.
If our drinking buddy who has been our wing man for the last decade suddenly sobers up and gets married,
then where does that leave us?
In our life and choices?
If they start to make changes and different choices that do not support what we are wanting then no matter how happy we may be for them, we find ourselves feeling lost and lonely suddenly.
And the reason is that we are looking for some form of our happiness, our fulfillment to be met by this other person.
And in order for us to have what we want THEY NEED TO STAY OR BE SOMETHING THAT SUPPORTS THIS VERSION of who we want.
It has nothing to do with the other person and everything to do with us.
We can say that we want the best for someone else,
and I have heard that statement a lot over the 100 days,
but when it comes down to it we will tell our loved one that they are overreacting, that they are not seeing things straight, that they are having a midlife crisis, going crazy, are no longer fun or are now being anti-social. We will find fault in their actions, demeanor, thoughts and feelings and when they share who they are and what they want from life we will unconsciously plug our ears, close our eyes and act like a four year old by chanting nah-nah-nah in our heads and never notice that we are doing any of the sort but instead turn around and tell our loved one that they got it all wrong, it’s this way and not that. That they want this or that instead.
To take it to extreme levels,
its like we are raping our loved one’s.
And what I mean by that is that it is like the rapist that tells the woman that she is wet when she is dry and that she is turned on when she is terrified and then thanks her for making him feel so good.
Now granted that I know that this is an extreme,
but the truth is that anytime when we refuse to see who someone is showing up as, refusing to hear their words and tell them that they are the ones who are not communicating or saying something else, or tell someone that they are just this or that when they are not, what we are doing is denying that person in totality.
We are making our desires and views of who they are more important than who they really are and we are forcing our will on them.
We all are guilty of doing this in life and in relationships.
First we must recognize this fact.
We are all blind to the people in our lives and we get caught up in who we perceive them to be.
That is why it is so true that perception is reality.
When perception becomes so strong often the person who is making the change falls weak after time and just gives into what “everyone” is saying and believing and the only true way for them to get away from said perceived reality is to fully disconnect from those who are stating it.
So I ask you today,
Where are you believing that you really know someone and in truth are actually not allowing them to be them?
Where is your blindness in the relationship?
And As Always,
Stop Existing And Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Want to know more about how to create dynamic magical relationships based in truth and love? Reach out to me today for 1:1 mentorship now.
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