NEVER HAVE I EVER BEEN EMOTIONALLY INVESTED IN A MAN…
Until now.
And this is the sad reality of so many relationships, marriages even of today and perhaps of all time.
We want for connection, unconditional love, trust, respect and union of our hearts, minds and souls but when we get down to brass taxes on relationships and our commitment to our said primary partners it is often revealed that the primary is not the primary. The person that we refer to as our primary partner or significant other, our lifemate, or our soulmate typically gets the short end of the stick with our emotional investment.
We give them time,
time that we designate for the relationship such as “date nights” or dinner. We may attend church or concerts with them, we may go to social functions or sit and watch TV.
We give them sex,
mainly because this is what is believed to make primary or significant other just that. Our sex is the piece that no one else gets (unless we are in an open relationship or we are having an affair). And so we rub our bodies together and we give it up. Because that is what we are to do to show our relationship commitment.
We give them support,
typically this is financial support from one partner and house/family/orderly support from the other. However in today’s times most relationships both contribute to finances and even though both try to support the labors of child rearing and chores, one partner will feel as though they carry more of the load then the other.
We give idle conversation and listening.
Simply meaning that we pretend to listen and share.
We talk to our partners about surface level items or responsibilities and we step away from the deeper conversations. The one’s where we are forced to inquire about who we are as a couple and what our long term visions are or what our current challenges are.
And so we have the average and ordinary union of today.
Where emotional investment is at a low, however our understanding of relationship is that it is more about commerce than love and connection. We live in a free trade society where we no longer sell off our daughters and sons to create peace between nations or for the survival of family but instead we barter our own flesh for the best opportunities and then wonder why we are not happy with our outcomes.
We trade our emotional happiness for the richest, hottest, youngest, strongest version of a partner, brainwashing ourselves that we are deeper than this and that we truly love them. However the truth is quickly revealed when we run into any amount of conflict in life.
When this happens we see where our emotional investments really lay and often we discover them with our children, our work, our bank accounts, and even our friends. We will make up excuses and we will point fingers. The blame game will quickly occur and with it couples will turn away from each other. They will apply focus to everything that their partner has ever done wrong, to the mistakes and how they have never felt loved or supported by them. They will make painful statements about how the sex always sucked, they were just doing it out of duty, how they have not been attracked to their mate forever and they will slaughter their partner without hesitation.
All the while saying, “If they really loved me…”
But here is the thing, long before we ever get to this conflict state you can be witness to exactly where one’s emotional investments are.
It’s in the little things.
*Do you make your primary relationship primary every day?
*Do you opt for friends over your partner?
*Do you make your partner feel safe?
*Do you consciously listen and share?
*Do you inquire about your partner’s life outside of you?
*Do you make them feel supported in the little things or when they are not feeling well or feeling stressed?
*Do you laugh together frequently?
*Do you share common goals/dreams/morals/values?
*Can you authentically say that you are the most vulnerable with your partner outside of anyone else?
These questions and many more are insights into a couples bond.
And emotional investment is all about the emotional bond that you consciously are creating.
This bond is not created based on what someone can offer us in finances, prestige or even in how they look or how smart they are, it is based in our heart centers and the heart and soul alignment that we have to someone. It is then supported by the coming together as friends not just lovers. It is enhanced and a foundation is created through the common grounds of united dreams/values/morals/beliefs and goals on all levels of life not just one or two.
And from this space the emotional investment is maintained from both individuals desire to go deeper with their primary partner then any other relationship they have. Both partners must desire to surrender without emotional armour and in total trust and vulnerability to each other.
Otherwise, the relationship will remain surface level and will never be able to solidify trust, commitment and unconditional love.
An emotionally invested couple moves together as one unit in life on all fronts, making very aware that they are the center point of gravity for each other and it is their alignment from their cores that does just this.
How does your love rate?
What are some of the areas that you feel challenged in with relationship and how can you best lean into your partner today?
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*S Believers”