A BIG ROUND OF APPLAUSE TO ALL THE BETWEENER RELATIONSHIPS…
I am sitting here this cold dreary day in North Texas in total utmost gratitude for all those men that have graced my life with their energy, time, connection, sex and more.
Those men that I have laid in bed with enjoying what seemed like endless pillow talk, laughter and life shares.
Those men that made my heart sink from the loss of their presence in mine.
And for those men that infuriated me, made me feel crazy, were narcissistic, power hungry control freaks but also made me laugh and believe in the moment.
The men who caused me bodily harm.
The men who tried to destroy my dreams, my relationships and my self-esteem.
Yes to all these masculine, I give thanks and honor.
For without them I would not know what I want today in a man, in a life partner.
I would not be aware of my worthiness.
I would not be woken to my greatness as a woman.
And without these men,
I would continue on a path of dancing with “betweeners.”
First let me explain what I mean by “betweener.”
BETWEENER: A relationship that you know is not long lasting or “the one” but you choose to play with for a certain period of time while you figure your shiz out.
Betweener relationships help us heal.
They help us clarify what we want and need in a relationship.
They are educators.
And we ALWAYS, yes always know that they are between “real” relationships because there is something, just something that just does not fit.
Often this comes up in the feelings of:
*not being able to fully commit
*a nagging sense that they are not 100% with you
*insecurity in the relationship
*lack of turn on or passion
*our bodies will act shut down sexually
*we won’t feel safe stating our truth or just doing us
*there is a feeling of this is short term, a second guessing
These are betweener relationships.
Anytime, we know that we are not ready or able to jump into the deep end with someone, then we should get real with ourselves that we are not really aligned to this other person either for a lifemate sorta situation.
Often betweener relationships are lower vibration relationships.
Meaning that we call them into our relationship experience when we are wounded, heart broken or feeling lost in our lives, in who we are as individuals.
They are relationships asking us to accept less than what our heart and soul is desiring for and that most certainly reveals itself in the heart centered connection that we DO NOT have with a betweener.
But thank goodness for these relationships.
No matter how long they last for,
some we end up marrying,
some we date off and on for years,
and some are just flashes in the pan.
However, all of them bring forth great beauty and lessons to us if we so choose to receive them as such.
Knowing that we are co-creators to our reality and life experiences,
taking the responsibility for just that can allow us as individuals to see why each of these people walked into our lives when they did.
Perhaps they were there to help us get firm in a boundary.
Maybe they were there showing us such great beauty and love so that when our soulmate manifested that we could recognize them with greater ease.
Some betweeners, ask us to speak up louder, shine brighter or see our ego’s in more light.
Others ask us to learn how to guard our hearts and honor our truth with self-compassion and respect.
No matter the lesson.
They are powerful educators.
And today I just want to applaud all the “betweeners’ ‘ of my life,
because thanks to you bloaks I know who I am and what I want in a man.
Thanks to you I have done the clarifying of my heart’s desire and learned to slow down and listen with my heart and my intuition.
Which is exactly how we avoid betweeners and recognize “the one” that is right for us.
That soulmate love.
Loving you from this overcast day in Texas.
Remember that you are worthy of a great love.
A true connection of heart, mind, body and soul.
And to have that,
you MUST LISTEN to your Soul GPS.
Your heart and stop disregarding its directional offerings because you fear a life of being alone.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
And Queens who want a Conscious Man 🙂
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WE RISE AND WE FALL…
This is the cycle of love.
This is relationship.
We lean in and we reveal our deepest aspects,
trusting to be fully received, to be held and loved,
here in this space where we are willing to sacrifice ourselves so often to hold onto love,
to hold onto connection.
The feeling of love that whafts over us,
carries us and seems to heal our wounds,
heal our fears,
and make us have faith again in love,
in ourselves and in others.
The feeling of love has us want for more closeness,
makes us want to take away the space between ourselves and the the one we have put our attention toward,
we go deeper,
and we open in faith that this other human being will hold us safe no matter what,
we feel as though they will always choose us over anything else,
and we drift.
We drift into our delusions away from the truth,
away from our core,
away from reality and in this moment of believing that they will always choose us over even themselves,
we give away our power.
We lose ourselves.
And thus we lose the relationship.
For in the rise of what we call love,
we create our own suffering.
We cling to this other human making them our everything,
and we forget who we are.
Soon, we swirl and twirl within ourselves,
losing our footing,
and becoming whatever this other needs us to be,
instead of standing true to our core.
We start to lie to ourselves,
we tell ourselves that we do this or that for love,
that we must be something that we are not,
and that that is just how life is,
how love is and what is expected.
Our lies to self eat away at our core,
our spirit becomes enraged and feels suffocated,
but we continue the process of being,
being what our love needs of us.
Sharing our ideas,
sharing our hearts,
sharing our soul,
becomes less and less and we become a vessel of empty space,
empty space that leads to poison of the relationship,
of the love that we cherished so deeply.
And we fall.
What lifted us into the heavens,
what washed a smile over our face,
what lit us up and made us want for more,
now has us hiding.
Now creates pressure that we cannot breathe under.
And we fall into our own inner abyss,
fearful to share.
Fearful to damage,
fearful to hurt self or other by speaking our truth,
by leaning back into the space that we know we must go.
To stay alive,
to awaken from this pain body that we trapped ourselves in,
we must decide to choose us over the love,
over the other,
And we lean in.
We lean into the raggedy edge of loving self,
enough to be true to our core.
And so we stretch into the awkward space that we had abandoned,
the space of US.
Here in this container of our soul,
we retrieve the lost aspects of who we once were.
We tap back into knowing our core,
and without warning we breathe in and find our world crumbling.
The version of who we were for them, for the love that we had sacrificed ourselves for,
had believed their inauthenticity of loving us through anything,
of supporting us of being strong in our power,
in their claims of wanting all of us,
in holding us,
become clear once we choose coming home to self.
Coming back into alignment with soul.
Knowing our core and igniting ourselves from that space.
now that we are breathing,
now that we are feeling our core,
aligning back to soul,
it is no more,
and it appears that we are falling,
when in truth we are rising.
And what we were blind to was the reality that while we were choosing the relationship over our core,
that that was when we were actually falling.
True love is to lift us up to our greatest potential.
True love does not require us to step away from our core,
from our truth,
True love does not shame you for who you are,
true love not not desire to destroy what it fears,
because love does not fear anything,
least of all the rise of the soul.
To all those who sacrifice their core selves,
who step away from their soul and who they are,
in the name of love and have found themselves lost at the end of the day.
Love never expects you to be anything more or less then who you are.
Love expects you to love self first and most,
can hold your truth without reason or question and will never lie to you about its desires, or provide false hope in lieu of getting what it wants from you: You to conform to it.
Never second thyself.
And speak your truth even if it means goodbye.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”WE RISE
That feeling of coming home,
where you feel as though life is fully aligned,
where you have a peace inside no matter how hard the storms outside blow.
There is a stillness that overtakes,
the rhythms of life seem to ripple from your heart,
and you just cannot seem to imagine how the feeling can expand any further,
and yet it does.
Each breath awakens a greater sense of knowing.
Bringing forth a desire to be fully revealed,
to drop all guards,
all armour being put down as the magnitude of authentic sight comes into play.
In total free fall,
going against all that you might have paused over in the past,
fear may rise up but is quickly washed over with your inhale of the reality of what is being presented before you.
as though in a strange intoxication,
a slumber where you are conscious,
where you are hungry for more.
Yet, in full gratitude for this moment.
Accepting that if this were to be the last moment that you would count yourself blessed to the ends of the earth for having just this moment.
This beautiful, timeless moment.
Leaning toward another moment,
breathing in the here and now,
not wanting to miss it.
of self, of life, of this timeless love.
That seems to have been here making itself known from sources that were false, revealing itself in the eyes of others,
for you to recognize.
Naked before self,
before each other,
under the starry sky,
there revealed in full surrender,
the answer that you have looked a millennia for,
that you fear of missing now,
Here it is.
Right before you.
Asking for you to be no more than who you are.
Desiring no more than your openness.
It’s all you have craved,
and you find yourself torn.
A gripping fear of losing it,
of messing it up,
somehow it escaping yet again.
and then the knowing…
The knowing that it is timeless and it cannot be lost.
It has found you,
it has aligned you,
it has awakened and healed your core,
and it is here now to take you deeper than you have ever gone,
to lift you higher then you have ever been before.
There is no need to question,
no need to fear,
no need to worry about your intoxication,
there is only the acceptance of it filling you,
lighting you up and revealing you from your soul level.
For in the eyes of a timeless love,
there is only this moment.
Surrender to it.
Drink it up,
Breathe it in and realize self.
Realize the power that has been gifted,
embrace the passion that is emerging from your soul,
allow yourself to be ignited,
to awaken and be raw,
Naked in every way.
Beyond the physical.
A timeless love is always there,
it is there at your greatest depths of self knowing.
It is what we all are called toward,
but few allow themselves to embrace.
Timeless love is here to reveal our truth.
To open us to our power and see how beautiful we are.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Wanting to tap into that space of learning how to stand naked in every way with life, love and soul?
Reach out to me to learn the steps to awaken your soul today to the freedom based life that you are called to live.
TWO DIFFERENT WORLDS BECOMING EVIDENT
There is a necessary evil,
A violence in discovery.
And we don’t want to face its existence.
But that does not change the fact that it is there and it is necessary.
For us to evolve, to expand and awaken we must come to terms with it.
For when we awaken, and stand on the brink of the world that we once knew and the world that awaits us, we will feel torn apart at our very existence.
We will seize to exist as we have been and we will be forced to recognize who we are at our core.
It will be terrifying and beautiful.
And we must storm with courage toward it if we are to have the life that we desire that we were born to live.
The defiance of such will cause your utter destruction and yet by leaning into the fires of your purification and awakening to your power you will expect the same.
And to a degree you are accurate.
However without this destruction of the old self,
Of the world that you cling so tightly too,
You will never have anything that your soul desires and was born to live for.
You will be no more,
Only leaving in your place a skeleton of who you actually are.
Hungry to have flesh on your bones,
You will wonder the world aimlessly,
Depressed, anxious and fearful.
Lost in the world and in yourself.
You will mimic and hide under the masks of those you envy.
Not knowing self.
And here is where you must stand,
Stand for you my love.
Know your worth.
Have grace for where you have been.
Take stance to where you are going,
Set free your inner child,
Set free the wolves of your soul and let your heart escape its bounds and shackles.
The day is afresh,
Your life is before you,
The new world is calling.
Go unto her my love.
She hungers to give to you.
She wants to swallow you up in her rhythm and song,
Have you dance upon her flesh,
And laugh into her mysteries.
But you must claim it.
You must allow it and demand for it.
It will never be handed to you without your asking.
But once asked for it will be given.
You are the seeker,
Do not remain blind any longer.
You are walking the tightrope of your life,
Which way will you fall?
It is time that you see one way is up and the other down.
You have heaven and hell at your feet.
It is time to choose.
Will you settle for what you have always known?
Or will you awaken and see the evidence of your soul’s arrival.
The shifting in time.
You are being called too.
The angels support you.
Your shadow fears.
It is not of creator,
Not your truth or destiny.
Turn away and run toward the path.
Where two different worlds become evident.
Lest you let go of the reigns of your very life to salvage what will have you lost and hungry.
Broke and battered by the currents of this chaotic world.
Washing and racking you upon its treacherous shores.
You will not be able any longer to have discernment, nor love.
Compassion will fall to the side and you will be haunted by its remembrance.
This is the life that you fight for.
This Is the war on self and soul.
Can you survive?
Make amends today my love,
And open your wings to the heavens.
Drop the skeletons that you believe are yours,
And enter your rightful place.
You are worthy, beautiful and strong.
Time to own your reality.
Set free the prisoner,
The prisoner that is you.
It’s time to claim your life,
Now and forever.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
CATCH ME IN THE EXHALE
The exchange of more than breath.
The release of more than just air.
The letting go.
The exchange that can only be experienced when a deep intimacy is present.
We crave to experience it,
We value and fear it.
We know its worth,
But we have little concept of it.
True intimacy eludes us in our relationships and often throughout our lives..
We hear the tales of intimate love,
Intimacy in our sex,
With God and spirit.
But we hardly grasp what it legitimately is.
That is until we have it upon us.
Breathing its existence into every fiber of our being.
And then we know.
Then it is unquestioned.
Intimacy is the most powerful energy connection that two people can share.
It exceeds the physical dimensions.
It can be felt from opposite sides of the planet,
It is a breathtaking connection of the rarest form.
But why is it so elusive to the majority of people,
For the majority of our lives?
Especially when we crave it,
Work toward it,
Value it and believe that we have it often to only discover that we are not even touching its rim when our reality awakens us to how distant we are in our lives from self, lovers and mates as well as God?
How do we so easily mistaken intimacy for the physical,
Or for communication or time shared?
How do we believe that intimacy is a physical sexual act,
Or something that can only be held in a container with just one?
When intimacy is expansive.
Just like the exhale,
It’s in the letting go and allowing of.
It’s in the leaning into its ebb and flow,
It’s in the energy of the exchange.
The crossing of energetic paths and the meeting of souls that are aligned.
It is the energetics of connection.
It is the depth that we journey into,
That exceeds words, actions and thought.
There is no distance that can prevent us from touching our lover intimately,
Through our sexual energy when we have this connection.
We can go there on the waves of emotion felt,
The visions we share,
The heartbeat of our combined ripples in time.
It is the exhale to our lovemaking,
It is the exhale from our running toward,
It is the exhale in our surrender,
And the exaltation of our joy in our meeting.
Intimacy is an energetic connection that has no reason to the ordinary.
It has no explanation as to why we have it with some and why no matter how hard we work to achieve it with others that it can never be.
There is no true methodology to create it.
It balances on the tightrope of vulnerability and unconditional love.
It needs witnessing and embracing for its truth.
And it can never live when it is controlled, harnessed or demanded to exist when it is not in its natural state.
You must catch it in the exhale of your very existence,
And in the exhale of all that you know and have known.
Because here is the only place where you can discover its beauty and strength.
Its depth and value,
It is the only place that you will be able to appreciate it for what it is and see that it is nothing like that, that you have experienced thus far.
When you release into the exhale of intimacy you will allow yourself to drift without question. You will enjoy the simplest of things and find yourself speaking without a need for words.
The silence of your energetic communication will be met with eye’s of knowing and hearts abound with love.
You will fall in trust into intimacy,
Because it is there to soothe you.
It is there to comfort and hold you in the knowing.
Can you feel it?
Have you felt it?
Or are you still captivated by the illusion of what you believe it should be and unhappy with the results of what you have?
Do you find yourself scratching your head in bewilderment at what I speak of.
Unable to grasp its power.
Unwilling still to lean into the challenging space of the unknown.
And let go.
Exhale into all that you crave with life,
With your lover or mate,
Your child and friend,
With God and self.
Intimacy is about the revealing of your deepest self.
It is about taking down all the barriers and being seen.
Intimacy has no boundaries.
Not physical nor space.
And that is the challenge of the human mind.
We resist the inability to control.
We fear what we have no say in.
And so we turn our backs on the beauty of what we crave.
We hide and complain,
We fight for the limitations of it and we disregard the fact that it us that is setting up the walls to this beautiful energetic connection.
It is our eyes that are blinded by fear.
Hidden from our sight by ego.
We can not recognize under the veils that we cover ourselves with the falsities of fear.
And so it remains elusive.
And we sit in our inner chaos,
desiring what we believe it is,
Wanting always for more.
And never satisfied.
Always lost and empty to some degree in the relationship of life.
With our lovers, ourselves and God.
But it is time my love.
It is time to let go and exhale.
That is where you will catch me at.
That is the space that I choose to surrender into and meet you there.
“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field. I’ll meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass the world is too full to talk about.” Rumi.
Here my love.
Here is where you will find me,
Witnessing self and life.
Exhaling into intimacy.
Will you catch me in the exhale?
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
It’s time to receive the lover of your dreams.
It’s time to stop fearing the what ifs.
It’s time to say yes to your F-ck Yes Life,
Now and forever more.
Reach out to me for coaching opportunities globally.
LIVING FOR SELF.
One of the hardest lessons I keep learning in this lifetime is just this.
The constant reminder that we are truly not here for anyone’s else’s happiness but our own.
Its a difficult lesson,
Because we are trained from our birth forward that putting others feelings, well being and happiness “should” always come before our own.
However the reality is not so.
You will never find happiness or fulfillment in putting yourself on the back burner of your own life.
We are all here for the same reason,
To expand and thrive.
Through our wanting for more in our life experiences we expand the universe.
It is through our conscious creation and desire that life manifests and we create everything that is, that was and ever will be.
We grow this desire and our wanting by experience of all that we do not want for,
Such as lack in any subject area that we want abundance in.
But for us to have the life that we are desiring we MUST become the person who can take hold of it. Meaning WE have to grow ourselves.
We have to become our truest self and get into alignment with out desires.
As vibrational beings this means that we HAVE TOO PUT OUR HAPPINESS FIRST.
No more playing around and taking responsibility for everyone else’s joy while we sit in toxity of giving our last drop of us to this other who at the end of the day cannot even fully gain happiness through our exhaustion.
Sure we can offset anothers sadness or life issues to a degree,
But cannot eternally fix anyone else’s shit.
We cannot actually make anyone else happy for the long haul.
Just like gratitude, love and the feeling of abundance is an inside job. All we can do is assist someone feeling those things in the short term, but if they do not find it within and know thier own worthiness then at the slighted retraction of our energy,
They will fall the fuck apart.
This is how you know that someone has become dependent on your energy.
Not realizing it often when we are in this state of dependence we are actually being what is known as an energy vampire,
One you must feed on the kindness,
The love, the empathy, and even the sadness or anger of another to keep themselves stable in life.
Those who are not acting from thier authentic selves, who are out of alignment with God thus thier own soul and who do not know themselves, love themselves, often are guilty consciously and subconsciously of doing this.
And they can make those around them feel guilty for thier life misery. They will play and toil with others emotions, acting the victim and helpless lost soul just to get thier feeding.
But this is where we all must realize that NONE OF US are here to save anyone else.
And we cannot even help them save themselves if we do not care for self first.
Its just like the speech we have all heard on the airplane at take off about the oxygen masks.
“Put it on yourself first before helping anyone else, including your child.”
This is because you are of zero help if you can’t breathe, if you are passed out or worse dead.
And the same applies to our day to day life and relationships.
You are of zero use if you exhaust yourself to the point of fatigue, disease and illness, depression all under the belief structure that you need to put every other asshole on this planet in front of self.
You MUST LIVE FOR SELF.
You must get selfish and love yourself enough to say no to everyone,
Especially when they are playing on your emotions and hoping you will feed them.
They need to learn how to love themselves enough to align the fuck up to source and not need your beautiful ass anymore.
They need to take fucking responsibility for thier own lives and energy.
For thier emotions.
And stop handing over the reigns to each and every Joe that passes by.
And you my dear,
You need to just do the same.
Its time to take back your power.
Take back your life.
Take back your energy and LOVE YOU.
Because baby you are so worthy of being in alignment and feeling fucking awesome.
You are worthy of living the life that you desire.
You are worthy of happiness, love and abundance.
Well being and satisfaction of who you are.
But you will never get any of this as long as you keep sacrificing your energy for all the vampires that you love.
Stop enabling them,
And start being you.
With all my love on this transitional day.
Stop Existing & Start Living
Coaching for Grown A*s Believers
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