5 Secret Turn-Ons To Seduce A High Quality Man.

 

👊👊🌹5 Secret Turn-Ons To Seduce A High Quality Man🌹👊👊

 

Last night over dinner I looked at my man and asked him,

“What have I done differently than other women that makes you want to commit so deeply and go all in with me?”🤔

 

He responded with, “So much.”

 

And then I began to think about it.

I thought of how just this last week he and I were in Half Price Books looking for Viktor Frankl’s book, Man’s Search for Meaning, when we found ourselves drifting up and down the psychology, spiritual, health, finance and self-growth aisles. Inquiring with each other what we had explored in our past. Having read so many of the same books or similar minds we found ourselves once again connecting and understanding each other’s views and why we mirror one another in so many ways.

 

As I looked at this tiny moment from last week I realized that THIS was just it…

 

👉🤯WE ARE BOTH ATTRACTED TO THE MIRROR.👈😍

 

That mirror being that we match each other on so many levels.

It is far past our attraction to one another’s physical or the chemistry that we certainly have.

 

Our lives have brought us through multiple relationships in our past that taught each of us what we valued and what we did not desire in a partnership. Which is often the case as we emotionally mature through our lives.

 

You see often in relationships we find ourselves calling in the opposite of what we want and we cannot figure out 👉WHY👈?

 

It has to be like this.

As long as we resist doing the inner work and remain emotionally immature, focused on only “me” and being right, a victim to life in essence and not taking responsibility for our emotions and the events in our lives then we MUST call in the opposite of what we desire and want so that we can enhance our clarity and build up our emotional maturity.

 

As we mature in the heart and mind and do the inner work to connect us deeper to our soul we start to find different attributes attractive then what we use too.

 

Beauty changes in our eyes. 🌹

 

The other day when we were walking around the bookstore chatting about our reading history and thoughts on topics, one of the books that popped out on the shelves was, “The Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz.” We have both read it and it bears with it one of the sexiest things a woman can do to turn-on a man and get him to think long term about her.

 

💋💃🔥CONSISTENCY – This really just always comes back to actions match words and you are consistent about what you say, how you think and the way you act.  The majority of people ( male and female) have challenges around this vital ingredient to building a lasting relationship because they suffer from the belief or thinking of:

“I’m not good enough.”

“I’m not likable or lovable.”

THIS very thought process makes it difficult for the majority of people to be, as The Four Agreements puts it, impeccable with their word.

 

👊Yet this single thing is sexy AF when a man or woman portrays it!

 

💋💃🔥BEING A MF GROWN UP! – Adulting has a heck of a lot more to do with how we play with others then with paying bills and holding a job. Although these things are vitally needed as well, in the land of the heart and emotional maturity, adulting has more to do with 👉HOW WE FIGHT👈.

It’s called conflict resolution.

And the vast majority of people operate from the land of, “I am right, you are wrong.” This is all based in ego and again a need to be validated by another in some fashion.

 

👊What’s ever so attractive is a person who can be an actual grown up and listen as well as accept that the other party’s point is true for them.

 

When both parties can do this for each other you can communicate from a higher vibration based in love and a desire to find resolution versus being right and having the other agree that you are right.

 

There is nothing worse than to find yourself in a mis-communication or some form of friction with your partner and have them tell you that YOU are misconstruing things or are wrong in how you remember it, see it or feel about it. This only builds walls between the two of you, not bridges.

 

Being able to see that others’ views and feelings are just where they are and that you can agree to disagree because you are individuals with different  takes is highly seductive and attractive in looking at a lifelong mate.

 

Being a MF Grown Up is NOT about being right and maintaining the friction until the other person caves to your way of seeing or feeling about something. That is not love based nor emotional maturity. Finding resolution in the relationship is however.

 

💋💃🔥 EASY TO BE A ROUND-  No one enjoys being around someone who has a stick up their booty. It’s simple, friendliness, authentic friendliness not that sugar coated fake stuff is a turn-on.

When a person is uptight, anxious, scared of their own shadow and aquard about doing life and relating it reveals the wounds that they have not yet conquered and dealt with.

 

👉The energy we portray says everything about our inner scape.

 

If you are a woman (or a man) who “thinks” they are easy to get along with, has a big heart but no one accepts it, calls yourself friendly but when you are trying to do a relationship you find yourself getting the opposite of what you want and desire?

 

Look no further than the wounds that you bare still and keep coming back too.

 

You know what they are.

It’s what holds your bitterness, your anger, your pity party, your envy and makes you feel insecure.

Want to authentically be friendly and easy going, let go of that high maintenance attitude… then deal with your inner BS.

Until you do this you will continue to feel like no one appreciates your heart and intentions, cares or values what you have to offer. That jaded view will hold you back from fully embracing your confidence, your own self-love and acceptance and  will make your childish attempts at being seductive, attractive and turned-on to life empty and laughable.

 

👊People who authentically smile from within and love life, feel good in their own skin are attractive AF!

 

💋💃🔥BRING JOY NOT DRAMA – #1 desire of men and what the vast majority will put on their dating profile.

“Looking for a drama free woman.”

 

A high quality man (meaning an emotionally mature man) knows that he is not responsible for you emotionally. 🤯🤯🤯

 

And he finds it DAMN Sexy when you get this too!

He is not wanting you to babysit him or mother him and he does not want to have to take care of you in this fashion either.

This is an extreme level of neediness A.K.A High Maintenance that emotionally mature men don’t find attractive.

 

He wants you to know that you are beautiful, powerful, radiant, sexy AF, a queen without him. If he is what validates these things for you then YOU ARE NOT THEM!!!👊

 

And you will jot have joy streaming from your soul.

Drama happens in life.

It happens to all of us.

What a high value man is looking for in a lifelong partnership and love is a woman who does not look at how she can create it but instead how much joy she can bring into life with or without him and this joy for her life also manifests into her making his heart smile by just being her.

 

💋💃🔥HEALTHY LIFESTYLE =SEXY AF! – Anyone who says that the physical does not matter is blowing smoke up your booty. We are all human and our bodies matter and anyone who counts themselves as being self-loving, accepting and high vibe that is not taking care of their temple is full of malarkey, to say the least.

 

👊Healthy eating, exercise, mindset, taking care of self and wanting to look good, feel good is sexy AF!

 

A high value man values this in himself and wants it in his partner as well.

 

Life is always about investment.

And we each get to choose where we invest.

Mumford and Sons has a great song “Awaken My Soul” where they have one of my favorite lyrics, “Where you invest your love, your invest your life.”

 

As with anything, whatever we choose to water grows.

People who choose to invest their love in health of all arenas live longer, are less sickly, have more stmina for life and sex, have healthier moods, live a more harmonic balalnced life and view things from a bigger picture mindset.

 

Those who make up the excuse of “I don’t have the time, energy, money.” DO NOT VALUE themselves nor life and will never hold a mate that values these things.

 

🔥🔥🔥I get turned-on like no other watching my man work out, eat a healthy meal and/or check himself out in the mirror as to how his arms or abs are looking in a shirt. His pleasure and care for himself shows that he values health and reveals itself in ALL other areas as well. 👈🤯🔥

 

So you say that you want 👉High Value Man👈 yet you yourself beautiful are not value the true jewels of life and relationship!🤯

 

You are still getting caught up in the immature focus points that will only ever lead you to more lessons being offered and suffering from them.

 

Become the 💃High Value Woman💃 that mirrors the man you want for and he will be called into your life with ease as if over night.

 

👉Want to learn the full list of secrets to manifesting your soulmate?

👉Ready to stop accepting less than what you are worthy of?

👉Sick and tired of letting your wounds hold back the love, sex, money and joy that you feel is yours in your gut?

 

Helping dynamite powerful souls like yourself discover love and fulfilment is what my passion is. Over the last two decades I have worked with hundreds of women & men such as yourself to call in their soulmate by aligning to their truth. I have guided countless couples not to just rekindle a love that they thought was lost, but to create an empowered turned on and fully aligned partnership based in love with 8 simple steps. If you are a woman or man who is looking for happiness, love and abundance in life and is sick and tired of just getting by, reach out to me for a FREE Clarity Call today where we will define exactly what is holding you back, what you are wanting to call in and the next best steps to achieve your desired life. Message me to set up your FREE Clarity Call today.

 

As Always,

 

Stop Existing & Start Living

 

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

WHO DOESN’T WANT TO WAKE UP IN LOVE?

WHO DOESN’T WANT TO WAKE UP IN LOVE?

 

It’s every girl’s dream right?

To wake up wrapped in the one’s arms that you just cannot get enough of. 

That you find yourself just wanting to go deeper with, reveal all of yourself too. 

 

This morning I rolled into my man’s arms and put my head on his chest, smiled, took a deep breath and just relaxed into him. 

 

His presence of being, in his heart and how stable he is puts all my concerns and fears at bay. 

His strength in who he is and in life, even in the chaos brings me peace and direction. 

His smiling eye’s ignite my soul in love. 

His warmth and touch, leads me into greater surrender. 

His inquisitive nature confirms his desire to know me more and to see me in all my radiance. 

 

So what allows me to lean into him?

To open myself up at these levels of not just my physical, sexual being but also to want to merge with him emotionally? Mentally? In confidence of all that is me?

 

How can a woman who has been through divorce, physical assault, rape and more trust the masculine with all her depths?

 

Over and over again, I hear women share how they love their husbands and boyfriends. That they believe that he is “the one.” However, then they speak of not being able to really be themselves. They hide. They mask. They fake it. They say that their orgasm is great, but that they have to use a vibrator to achieve it or that only through oral they gain it.  They tell me how they could never say the truth of their fears and body image to their partner. They speak about how they cannot imagine ever being with anyone else but then say how he does not hear her, see her, understand. 

 

She loves him, but he does not know how to touch her.

Not physically or sexually. 

Not menatlly or emotionally. 

Not spiritually. 

 

He does not harbor a safe home for her. 

So what makes a woman feel safe? 

So safe with her man that she drops her armour and speaks her truth?

That she trusts that he will catch her without doubt?

 

Women want to feel: 

*Sexy

*Unique

*Safe

And her walls only come down when she feels all three of these. 

In today’s relationships, women may feel sexy at times. 

Often they feel more like they must be sexy to get what they want, or that it is only their sex that will attract and commit a partner. 

They do not truly feel sexy however, in their own skin because our culture has trained us that we are never enough and in the same too much. We women compare ourselves to all the things that the world deems beautiful, strong and desirable and often find ourselves falling short in more than one area. 

 

Our uniqueness is overlooked by all including ourselves and so we have reached a space in time and society evolution where we are working hard to make uniqueness about being like everyone else. There are no more winners and losers, no more acceptance that we are not all created equal. In our pursuit to have fairness and kindness, acceptance for all, we have also lost the gift of uniqueness. We see this even in our intimate relationships, where people no longer want to “claim each other” because we have decided that marriage and commitment equal control and limiting each other. But what we are actually saying is, “ I can take you or leave you, no wow factor here, nothing special or unique.”

Both men and women at our core want to be desired and not just for our sex, but for who we are as individuals. We want our partners to desire our essence and love us fully. Accept us as we are and see our radiance. Yet this radiance can only truly be seen if we embrace our uniqueness and stop making it unkind to know that we are different and not created equal. 

 

Safety is primary to the femine to be able to drop down and trust in life, in her relationship, in her sexing, in her emotions and all that we do. Yet, there is limited safety when we are attempting to be and do everything without the support of anyone else, especially a partner. There is zero safety in today’s world as we overload ourselves with surpressnets and hormone `balancers” so that we can mask our truth and not address the true nature of any problem. As long as we continue to not trust our intuition, our critical thinking or what we are witnessing in our manifestation nor take responsibility for the lives that we are creating, we will not feel safe. Safety from the masculine comes secondary to how we women trust ourselves. 

We can not trust the man that we are with if we do not trust our judgements and feelings. If we do not truly know who we are and what our boundaries and non-negotiables are. If we can speak up and let our vulnerability be heard.

 

To wake up in love, means that we are waking up in love with the lives that we have manifested. 

Owning who we are as women. 

 

To wake up in gratitude of being wrapped in the arms of our partner, who supports us, cherishes us, respects us and loves us fully just for being us, means that we have trusted the power of our manifestation to call in the sort of masculine who knows himself too at this level and is worthy of our trust, respect and heart. 

 

This man will on;y come to us when we find this space inside of ourselves. 

When we have learned to love all of our shadows and no longer stand in victimhood, but in queenhood. 

 

This is how we find our true soulmate.

This Is how we fall in love with life. 

Every moment of it, even the cloudy days.

This Is how we wake up in love every day.

 

It requires your heart and desire to take the steps inward and go on the great’s adventure of your life though. 

It requires you to want that love more than anything else. 

It requires you to have the courage to meet the person that you have been searching for all these years…

It requires you to find you. 

 

Are you ready my love?

Walk with me. 

Let’s adventure together and discover you.

Beautiful, magical, powerful, sexy, unique, full of appreciation, trust and creativity. 

YOU.

 

As Always, 

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Helping dynamite powerful women like yourself discover love and fulfilment is what my passion is. Over the last two decades I have worked with hundreds of women such as yourself to call in their soulmate by aligning to their truth. I have guided countless couples not to just rekindle a love that they thought was lost, but to create an empowered turned on and fully aligned partnership based in love with 8 simple steps. If you are a woman who is looking for happiness, love and abundance in life and is sick and tired of just getting by, reach out to me for a FREE Clarity Call today where we will define exactly what is holding you back, what you are wanting to call in and the next best steps to achieve your desired life. Message me to set up your FREE Clarity Call today.

A WOMAN’S WORTH…

A WOMAN’S WORTH…

 

Today I woke feeling pathetic, unworthy, as though I have no value to this thing called life. 

I sat here this morning over breakfast doing the thing that I possibly detest the most…

Telling my partner my fears, sharing my anxiety, telling him how he deserves a better partner, how woeful I felt I was and that life did not want to accept me for me. 

I quickly came up with many ideas as to why I was in this state of being from my hormones to a mid life crisis and everything in between, however as the day progresses and I reach out to my mentor to see what insight she might have for me I come back into terms with that everything is just as it is supposed to be as scared as I might feel in the moment. 

 

You see I am in transition. 

I am dieing. 

I know that in the next year of my existence here on earth that everything that I currently know, everything that I currently am, my business, my home, my relationship, my goals will even be transformed. 

 

I feel like Schrodinger’s cat.

Am I dead?

Am I alive?

IDK. 

 

In the midst of this transition I have lost myself in so many ways. 

And as I lose who I once was in all areas of my life, I stand here questioning what will become of ME? 

 

It is so easy to just lean into what the world tells me I “should” or “need” do and be. 

I have done that for years in different ways, and every time I do, sure I learn, I expand, I have success to some degree, but I never feel that unbounded love and appreciation for my life nor for self unless I basically give the middle finger to what society is telling me and JUST DO ME. 

 

Doing me take courage, however. 

Doing me requires that I look past all my fear and failure. 

Doing me means  that I stop worrying and start trusting at a deeper level than what I can even imagine possible. 

To actually KNOW that I am supported and that everything is going my way even though I don’t think so at this current moment. 

 

The THING that I have come to realize over this time of death and rebirth is that we women face some serious struggles around our worth. 

 

What makes us worthy in today’s world?

I scroll through my social media and I see beautiful, strong, intelligent and talented women leaning in on all their feminine magic of the physical. I see women whose messages are powerful, flaunting a little extra cleavage, doing yoga in their g-strings, taking pictures with sultry eyes in bed and so much more. 

 

I hear other talented brilliant women talking about how they need to get married and have a kid so they can have importance in this world. 

To be taken seriously even. 

I see women, striving to look younger and older, depending on what they perceive as desirable. 

Many women turn toward their pocket books, their savings and investments to prove that they are worthy of something more than what they have. 

 

The house. 

The car. 

The money in the bank. 

The marriage. 

The kids. 

The body. 

How orgasmic she is.

Her youthfulness. 

Her wisdom. 

Her education level. 

What  her career is. 

Where she has traveled.

What she does for her community and church or family.

 

These things are ALL what we women of today strive to be 1000% in. 

And somehow we try to do it alone. 

We believe that it is up to us. 

That we have to make it happen or we are pathetic if any of it does not come to fruition. 

And I mean A-L-L of it!

 

The “reality” is that no one can do it all and be successful 100% of the time on 100% of the damn thing that this world’s current society puts into our playfield and tells us that we must get right, do right, be successful in and have. 

 

That’s the most important thing, HAVE.

And that is what our worthiness is based on, what we have or not.

 

We translate this idea of worthiness over to value. 

And we are lacking in any area of our lives, or if we are not top our game, showing up like the bada*s babe that we want to be, we condemn ourselves in some fashion or form. 

We totally forget about the things that matter. 

We forget to appreciate all that we have done and survived in life. 

We forget that we are imperfectly perfect and always a work in progress, AND that, that is okay. 

When we are down on our luck, in a bad mood, wrapped up in victim consciousness, feeling as defeated and lost and as though the most value we provide is to be an ATM machine to our kids and maid (mind you we may be sucking at that too in the moment), that those pampered little brats are here because of our strong AF vajayjay’s and determination. 

 

We went through excruciating pain to bring that pain in the a*s brat into this world.  

 

We forget that the man who may look at us and wonder, “why is she so moody and grumpy, not in the mood today,” is laying in our bed because we made him feel like king of the MF world somewhere along the line and he values our smile, our strength, our loving eyes, and our emotions that tap him into his own inner realms that he can’t access without our tender feminine heart. 

 

We forget that our compassion and ability to  feel in this life is a blessing to all those who entrust us with their fear, suffering, hope, dreams and more. 

 

That our wisdom that comes from deep within, the intuition that we have no reason for, but just know is a gift from spirit. For all of time, the feminine has been considered closer to God, more aligned and open to spirit and the universe than the masculine. So why do we question ourselves today?

 

We women are magical. 

We are powerful. 

We are ONE with the universe. 

But we choose to deny our alignment. 

We turn away from all that is natural and designed for us in an attempt to be masculine and bare all the burdens of such. 

 

No wonder we have a society of beautiful, powerful, intelligent and wise women lost in who they are and what they offer this thing called life. 

 

For where our worth lies….

We do not value ourselves.

 

And until we do…

We will remain lost and always aiming to please the world that  we live in instead of who we are.

 

It’s time my beautiful AF bada*s woman to won your value and worth and know who you really are at a deep soul level. 

 

You have all the answers for your happy ever after. 

You just have to trust that you are supported by who you were born to be. 

 

YOU.

 

As Always, 

Stop Existing & Start Existing

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Helping dynamite powerful women like yourself discover love and fulfilment is what my passion is. Over the last two decades I have worked with hundreds of women such as yourself to call in their soulmate by aligning to their truth. I have guided countless couples not to just rekindle a love that they thought was lost, but to create an empowered turned on and fully aligned partnership based in love with 8 simple steps. If you are a woman who is looking for happiness, love and abundance in life and is sick and tired of just getting by, reach out to me for a FREE Clarity Call today where we will define exactly what is holding you back, what you are wanting to call in and the next best steps to achieve your desired life. Message me to set up your FREE Clarity Call today. 

 

6 THINGS THAT CREATES COMMITMENT AND MAKES YOU ATTRACTIIVE AF TO MEN.

6 THINGS THAT CREATES COMMITMENT AND MAKES YOU ATTRACTIVE AF TO MEN.
My friend says to me, “Men just don’t want me the way they want you. I see the way he looks at you in such love and desire and I hear his commitment to you. I want to be that woman that commands a man’s adoration and commitment, but I am not. I am just a plaything to men.”
For years I have had clients and friends watch my romantic relationship, my dating game and now they see my partnership and how my man looks at me, desires me and appreciates me as well as our commitment to each other and they want to know why it is possible? What am I doing that attracts, opens and commits a man in this way? I recall one female client many years back sitting down at her consult, clenching her hands and looking at me full of anxiety as she spouted out, “Teach me to be like you.”
Through the years I have inquired with men about what it is that attracts them, what they are wanting in a relationship and what makes a woman worth commitment instead of just being a plaything?
What I have discovered is pretty amazing.
Men don’t want much….lol
Playful, flirty, sexy but not slutty, nurturing but not controlling, independant, confident, emotionally mature, good chemistry, shared values, and a blendable lifestyle.
But don’t we women want the same in truth?
When we look at dating which should lead us to relationship and then to partnership of some sort or another we often get caught up in chemistry. We base our connection just on this factor and we dismiss how important all these other factor are yet for us women, when we want to not be perceived just as a one night stand or something that is fleeting to a man we need to get very clear on how we are presenting ourselves and how strong in who we are and knowing ourselves. I watch women of all ages panic if they are sexy or not and they struggle with what sexy is, how to become it forgetting that true sexiness is founded in self-love, acceptance and confidence in your own skin. It has absolutely nothing to do with how much skin you are showing, how you bat your eyes or twirl your hair, pop your booty out or how much make up you wear, let alone what you say or your tone. Although these things, when done by a woman who knows herself and appreciates her own beauty and body without the need to have confirmation from any outside source certainly are arousing. But here is the thing about sexiness and what men adore. Men love watching a woman feel good in her own skin. That is why men love “giving women pleasure,” it’s a beautiful sight to just see the authentic state of pleasure. It’s captivating.
So what a man is idealing wanting is a woman who loves herself and is confident.
Confidence and self-love and acceptance support not only our sexiness, but also support our ability to be playful, light hearted and flirty in relationship and life without any of it coming across forced.
Which sadly is the main issue that so many women have.
A forced demeanor.
A forced image.
They are scared to be playful or simply don’t even know what playful or flirty mean or how to become it naturally, just like they don’t understand what sexiness is or confidence let alone being independent.
Women today believe that being confident and independent means they have to prove they don’t need a man. They have to show how strong they are on their own, which leads them to make statements like, “ I don’t like a needy man who wants to text or talk all the time.” or “ I want to enjoy a relationship with a man but he better respect that I have my work, business or kids that come first.” Drawing a line in the sand from the earliest of moments to make it clear that he will only get “this allotted space” in her life and no more, all the while wondering why the man will not commit or take her seriously. This form of confidence and independence leves zero room for relationship and what women don’t get about men is that at their very core they want and need to be needed. Valued. For all of time until recent years, men have always proven themselves worthy of a woman by providing value. It is difficult for a man to believe that a woman just wanting him will last long term, so he must have something more stable to commit to which is his value or purpose. Today’s men struggle with value and purpose in their lives and especially in relationships. So a woman who can be confident and independent but still chooses to need a man and value him instantly gains attraction and commitment from him. Blend this with a playful attitude and ability to be flirty with her man, builds a strong sexiness that is uncompromisable.
An emotionally mature man who has done his own inner work wants a woman who is there for him in many ways. He wants to know that she has his back just like he has hers, meaning that she can be nurturing without enabling his bad habits. He does not desire to be controlled nor controlled in the relationship but to have mutual respect and support in the relationship. This shows up through an early ability to show empathy in the relationship. Not the sort of empathy that you may think where you get overly caught up in how someone else feels, but more so about the fact that you care how they are feeling and how you, yourself are feeling which leads to communication, inquiry and transparency.
For a man to want to commit and have an unwavering attraction for a woman, he needs to know she is vulnerable and able to surrender to him and the relationship. Sure he wants the hot sex and intimacy that comes from it, the surrender that a woman can give in it but even more so he is looking for this feeling of trust and shared goals or vision that only comes forth when he identifies that they have similar values, can see that their lifestyles can blend well, and that he can trust her to invest her heart, soul, mind and time into the relationship by being a woman of her word. Backing her words with action, being consistent in who she reveals herself to be and what her ideas are and not hiding. A man who is looking for commitment wants transparency and consistency so that he can be certain in his decision of “she is the one.”
We women tend to get triggered by old wounds and relationships, allow our fear and negative self-talk to run amuck therefore we appear flighty, uncertain, unaware, manipulative and insecure often. Leading us back to the forced ways and attempting to be what we perceive as sexy, playful, flirty, confident and independent. Making agreements with men that are not truly in alignment with us out of fear of losing yet another “great guy” because we are not good enough.
The exciting truth is that all we women ever have to do to become worthy of a committed and loving man is to fall in love with ourselves and accept who we are. Do the inner work required to truly get right with ourselves and know our core, then come from this place to embody our own organic sexy feminine.
Want to learn the secrets of becoming a seductress to call in your soulmate?
Are you tired of thinking your relationship with a guy is going really great only to have him grow cold and distant overnight and ghost you?
Tired of the endless cycle of heartbreak and questioning why you cannot find a man who is trustworthy and committed?
That’s what I helped countless beautiful women such as yourself do over the last almost two decades. Find their soulmate!
And it’s now your time, don’t you agree?
Reach out to me in comments or private message now about my 6-weeks to Soulmate Love Private Mentoring Summer 2021 Sesh and get $500 off with code word RESPECT.
AS Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

THINGS I HAVE LEARNED FROM DEPRESSION, FEAR & ANXIETY.

LETTING YOU IN ON A LITTLE SECRET TODAY, REALLY A VULNERABLE SHARE OF MY TRUTH…
I love to numb out.
When a wave of emotion or “feelings” come my way and I get that tension in my chest or gut, I look at those feelings and say, “Nope, not today!” and I turn and run from them. I find myself aimlessly surfing through my emails, social media, allowing all my boundaries to get crossed by my friends, family, and my partner. I welcome the sidetracks. I might grab a glass of wine or one too many sippers of my favorite whiskey. I find myself standing in front of the pantry, the freezer or fridge completely blank in my stare, but hungry to my core. Avoiding these scary things that are lurking inside of me.
I find myself wanting to shelter myself with whatever measures I can from the storm of depression, anxiety, fear, anger, loneliness, lostness, guilt, or pain that I don’t want to deal with at that moment. Now, as a coach with thousands of hours of training and in office practice on these subjects plus my own healing that I have gone through since I was in my late teen years, I am very aware of how my actions of avoidance are not great coping mechanisms, in fact they are massively counterproductive.
A lot has shifted in the way that I process my feelings about having feelings since I was 18.
I look back at youthful me, immature me and wish I could jump into a time machine and go back and smack some sense into myself. Back in the day, I numbed out strictly through avoidance of life. Everything was overwhelming to me. I literally was scared of my own shadow and walked pigeon-toed with my head hung, looking at just the steps before me. I was blessed and cursed to have a mother who helicopter parented me (although she did that because of her own codependency issues) and owned a clothing store that I helped run. This enabled me to avoid life, people and flapping my own wings all the more. To make matters better and worse, I home schooled. Which got me through high school a year and half early, kept me out of a shiz storm of trouble most likely but also did not teach me how to cope with the real world. The day I went for my first interview I almost passed out. I threw up and dropped into a three year old tantrum saying that I could not do it, that I was not good enough.
Seriously, a three year old tantrum, I am not kidding here AT ALL.
The kicking, yelling, tears, all of it. The whole show.
I recall my mother who had nothing to do with any of it but drove me there because I was too freaked out to get my diverse license. She was just in tears because she had no idea how to help me. She just told me that if I really did not want to go in, that I did not have too. I looked at her and felt ashamed. I was pathetic and I knew it. I did not want to let her down. So I went in, I got the job. It lasted three days, it was cold calling in a little box which felt like a prison. The worst thing I could imagine, spending hours calling strangers, ‘cus that’s what you should do when you have bad anxiety… just push through. And to a degree, yes, facing the fear and push through is the answer,but not without the tools to support. Of which I had zero.
So what did I do with my patheticness and inability to enter the world?
I shut down of course.
I colored my hair jet black.
I went goth, when goth was not a thing.
I cut my hair short.
And then I dyed it flaming red!
I told my mom that I was good just working at the store with her and living with her.
My mother was happy she was not losing her baby girl.
And thus became the true start of me learning how to numb out.
Step one – avoid what you fear.
Step two- grab a glass of wine.
Step three- change your outside image so you can pretend it never happened and you are not that pathetic person any longer. Which is just avoiding the true problem… The problem of self-love and acceptance is creating self-sabotage and the inability to walk strong in life.
Step four – grab the numbing drug of choice (alcohol, weed, food, sex, work, video games, social media, anything that shelters you and helps you to not feel the feelings of sadness and fear.)
Step five – if none of the above work, hide and sleep, praying the world will end or you won’t wake.
I recently read, “When you’re busy numbing out your feelings, your feelings are in the other room doing push-ups. Then, when you’re done smoking weed or watching Netflix or whatever you were doing to numb out, and you walk into the other room, you’re like, Wait a minute. These feelings are worse than they were before. That’s because you gave them all that time and space to do push-ups.” According to Caroline Fenkel, D.S.W., L.C.S.W., executive director of Newport Academy which is a rehab center for teens that deals with such issues as I was having and worse.
This statement is so very accurate and terrifying.
It is exactly what happens.
And it leaves one in a nasty loop of hopelessness.
The overwhelm of not believing that you are good enough, strong enough, smart enough, equipt. Not knowing what to do and not really being able to hear the answers even when they are presented because the anxiety, fear, anger, depression keeps our cognition at a low level. It’s literally like we are three years old and operating from this space of the world being this big, scary place that WILL squish us if we venture out.
Well, my tale only got worse.
I spent my early adult years acting out and appearing to be a crazy chick.
God bless my poor husband at the time and our children for putting up to the best of their abilities with my issues.
Fast forward, I did manage to step out of my comfort zone and get my drivers license when I was 25. I know right… WOW! Big grown up step that was.
Fast forward through some more shiz, a bunch of heartache, fights, tears, losses and lessons, I did manage to get a bunch of study done, certifications in all sorts of psychological stuff and coaching, nutrition, energetic practices, and more. I discovered that I could numb out with being a f-cking fantastic student and I was just that. A quick learner. A great sponge. But then came a few years in my late twenties and up to 30 that I found myself tremendously lost in a deep depression. Mama to five babies. Remodeling a 1942 house in the middle of the Sierra Nevadas in California, no friends, my husband’s family around but I was alone. And I was done with life.
It got so bad that I could not leave my home. I refused to leave. I was convinced with every fiber of my body that if I left the house something horrible was going to happen. My negative self-talk and separation from society and life had cornered me into the darkest space I had ever ventured and it was ugly there in my mind. The feeling of sadness, anxiety, fear, anger and just feeling lost and not belonging anywhere as well as being totally unimportant to everyone including my husband and children overtook me. I shut down. I stopped eating. I stopped consuming anything but alcohol and some prescription drugs that allowed me to feel nothing.
I was wanting out.
And I had been pondering a plan as to how to go about it.
Now, I am not going to get into that tale any further, but God sent in an earth angel you could say to smack me around and guide me back to the light. Back to hope.
What this earth angel did and said is what I truly want to share with you today.
He told me, “Feel your feelings. You have a right to feel them. You are safe feeling them. We all have them.”
And then he told me to pull my head out of my a*s. That this world needed me and my heart.
He reminded me that I had tons of people in my life that needed me and if nothing else to get my shiz together for them.
Then he went on to not enable me in my guilt, fear, sadness or desire to create or cause myself pain and drama. Because that is what we do even though we do not want to admit it, we actually have this little voice in our head in these times that creates plans of how we can do harm to self to prove to ourselves that no one cares, or to create drama to show us that no one will show up for us, because we are that worthless. We have no desire to harm our loved ones, but the end result is that we do serious damage to self and others in this process.
My earth angel refused to let me create such a drama triangle.
He told me that I had to do this myself and that I had a big girl choice to make in my life right now. I could continue down this path and blow up my world and live in sadness alone, because I would push everyone away. That I WOULD PUSH THEM AWAY. Not them leave of their own free will. Or I could do what I was thinking of and take my life, put an end to it and abandon my loved one, destroy their lives. OR…. I could choose to reclaim my life.
Reclaim my life?
Then he shared his own story of being on the ground with depression and wanting to take a gun and end it all and how he was pulled out by his earth angel in the last moment. He told me how he had to relearn himself and find a safe space inside of himself.
I realized that I was not alone and that if he could do it, so could I.
From there I chose each day to feel.
I chose to take the action steps I needed to to support myself and to learn how to fall in love with ME. To accept myself no matter what.
And I learned to stop looking outside of my own backyard for approval and love.
But I had to stop the insanity of running to the 1,2,3 of numbing out so quickly.
I had to learn what my go-to numbing behaviours were and what they changed too as time went on. I had to keep tabs on them and still do, because those behaviours and desire to hide from my emotions and feelings are still with me, but today I know that its healthy to feel ALL OF LIFE. I know that in order for me to feel the ratures of love with my partner and surrender my heart in my partnership as well as be blessed with the joy of being a grandmother and witnessing my now seven children grow, that I am required to feel.
To feel it all.
In order for me to do the work that I do with countless women and couples, I have to be able to tap into who I am and feel the correct thing to guide them, to support them and that I could not do this if I numbed out.
I would be missing my beautiful blessed life if I allowed myself to hide from me.
I also had to learn how to identify my feelings. I actually started a practice of naming my feelings. Getting okay with them. I journaled on them. I felt them. I became friends with them, even the ones that scared me.
For me to befriend even the negative ones, I had to stop judging my feelings. This was tough. I am a super critical soul. But step by step. I did it more frequently. And I still judge them here and there, but I have learned grace and compassion with my feelings and thus myself to allow for error.
I started a practice of inquiry with my feelings, as though they were my therapist or friend. I asked them, “What do you want me to know?” Then I asked myself, “Is that true?” and I kept asking that until I moved past my fear and ego and found my truth.
Then I learned to not hold onto the feelings but to get moving mindfully and safely. Today you will find me doing random things, I clean with velocity, I take a quick paced walk, I ask to go do an activity with a loved one that gets my body moving and if I don’t want any of that, I let the tears roll. I scream in a pillow, I punch my mattress or the punching bag. I move the emotion from getting stored up and creating physical memory in my body.
Nowadays, I teach a lot of sensational talk with my clients. I teach them to communicate what the sensations in their body are instead of what they “think” or have coming up as an emotion. The mind body connection is powerful and cannot be ignored in the healing process of emotional distress.
I created something called the Pause Button and I use this exercise often with my couples that I work with to help them process through what they are feeling and want to communicate but perhaps are not in the right frame of mind or literal space to do so. This came about because one thing I had to learn to get okay with was hitting pause on my own emotions and allowing myself to step away from a situation, person or even the emotions in that moment. I felt like I was avoiding them, but what I was doing was honoring the reality that it was not a safe space to deal with them right there.
Today, one of my biggest coping mechanisms and numb outs is distraction. I am damn good at it. But what is important to realize about distraction is that it is exhausting AF! You can get too much on your plate in a hurry and have nothing left to give to yourself or others. It’s important to be cognitive of this and learn how to say no to distractions when you realize that you are using them to avoid bigger matters at hand or that they themselves are creating more serious complications such as exhaustion. Allow yourself a rest day or weekend.
And finally, realize that if you are among the millions of souls out there feeling like you don’t fit in. You are lost in who you are. Anxiety, fear, anger, depression has you by the balls that its a life long practice to keep yourself healthy and strong. Much like healthy eating and exercise or making sure that someone you love knows that you love them, you cannot do it just once.
Imagine if you told someone that you loved them just one time in the life of the relationship…
How would that pan out?
Exactly.
You have to keep showing up. You have to keep practicing the seemingly hard steps of loving yourself and learning yourself.
Your whole life, my love.
I assure you though, you can make it through.
You can overcome the darkest storms and find shelter not in the numbing but in the love of you.
If this musing was helpful to you, share it with someone who needs some words of encouragement. If you would like more information on how to implement these self-love and acceptance steps and how these steps can lead you to your F-ck Yes! Life and yoru soulmate relationship then reach out to me today. My true passion is bring individuals such as yourself into alignment with their dreams.
You are worthy.
Claim Your Life Today.
And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Image of me during my fire engine red of lostness at age 17.

DON’T LET LIFE GASLIGHT YOU FROM YOUR TRUTH.

 

I REMEMBER TAKING THIS PICTURE WITH MY DOG RUDDY… I HAD JUST TURNED 16.

 

The year was 1992.

It was autumn, my favorite season and I was madly in love with a boy. I got my mom to take this picture of me to send a hard copy  (yeah no texting or email back then) it was snail mail… to my boyfriend who was in boot camp.

We wrote to each other daily.

Hating to be apart, however, the game plan was that he served four years and that would get him the college he wanted plus provide us housing, loans and opportunities once I was of legal age.

I had freshly graduated high school myself, and was working at my mothers clothing store in a small Northern California town that I call home, Chico. Under her thumb I listened to her daily fearfully warn me of his ill intentions. Telling me about how he was most likely cheating on me, running around with his buddies and doing who knows what. She warned me that he would abandon me like my father had abandoned us. Her anger for the masculine was obvious and yet I listened, wanting to know her thoughts but not feeling in alignment with them at my core.

I believed differently.

I trusted him.

I loved him.

And we had plans together.

 

My mother, bless her resting soul, I know had the best desires for me, however through the course of time she managed to teach me one very unuseful thing.

 

TO NOT TRUST MY HEART.

 

Her rampage about my boyfriend often ended with her anger and bitterness toward my father. I would and still do recall her many tales to me of how she hated being married, how she felt controlled but that was the bed she had to be in. She proclaimed her status as a victim to life and to the relationship and she shared openly her pains about it with myself from the youngest of ages. I was forever her sounding board. Although her desires for my life were most likely set in love, they did bare with them the idea that I was going to be used without choice by the masculine and to NOT trust men at all cost. Try as I might to ignore her feelings and beliefs and hold firm to my own, they did manage to seep into my psyche and have caused me much pain through my adult years.

 

Because you see, my mothers fears and experiences ended up laying the foundation to me doing what I felt I “had or should” do in life and relationships instead of following my intuition and heart or soul. As a young adult, I had no idea that I was in as much control of the outcomes of my life as I understand now. I believed that I was a victim to what life handed me and that I had to make the most “logical or smart” choices for my survival as I could.

And so, I got married to a man a decade my senior at 18. I had babies. I worked a job. I focused on setting up the house that appeared “normal and expected of me” and I was unhappy to my core.

 

I did not chase the boy who held my heart at that time.

I let him go, believing that he had abandoned me just like my mother predicted.  And because life tends to give us what we expect, he did walk away from me. Or run from the wrath of my mother, but that’s a different tale for another day.

 

My mom was so happy the day I got married.

She was ecstatic the day I gave birth to my eldest child, a daughter.

I recall her tears on both events and her grabbing me with sheer delight.

 

I wanted to make my mom proud.

I wanted to be different from other teenagers and young adults.

I knew I was intelligent and a self-learner.

I knew that I was pretty logical and sound in my reason,

that I was wise beyond my years.

After all, adults much older than I told me so often.

And perhaps I was.

But I wanted to do right.

And with the learning that my mother taught me to NOT TRUST MY HEART, but instead listen to only my mind and always make the smart play, I opened the gateway to listening to others, especially my husband. 

I knew that my heart was unreliable.

It would do nothing but get me into trouble.

 

So when he would tell me that I was thinking, doing or acting a certain way because of……

Or that what I really wanted was….

Or that I would just enjoy this or that if I allowed myself…

Because he knew, I tended to believe him even though it felt off inside my body and heart.

 

Fast forward a few decades, My second long term relationship with a man ended with him telling me that maybe I just did not know how to be happy and did not know what  love really was.

This man too also told me how I felt, why I felt this way and what I was thinking.

 

Both managed to get me to question my own reasoning, my feelings,my emotions, my actions and thoughts and they were strongly supported in their efforts to lead me on the best course of life by my mothers teachings of don’t listen to your heart but instead make the smartest play for your survival.

 

Neither relationship fulfilled me.

Neither relationship felt right.

Neither relationship was based in love,

they were based in mind.

 

And both relationships were guilty of gaslighting.

They both acted not in my best interest or even the best for the family, but instead acted according to the best interest in my partners desires, needs and ego. Whether that be sexually, business, moving houses, friendships, child rearing or what I did with my spare time or how I showed up as a partner.

What they wanted mattered more than what was right for me.

And I spent a ton of my adult years believing that this was the only way.

 

WOW! Was I ever wrong?

One day I discovered something different.

One day a spiritual teacher of mine confronted me on my allowance of such events and why I was choosing to ignore my greatest gift.

 

My GPS system to my soul, to life and to my power.

This teacher then spent a few years helping me transform my debilitating beliefs and showed me that the things that I feared were nothing to fear if I (get this…) listened to my heart and intuition. Through trial and error in learning myself again and coming home to ME, I rediscovered my path.

 

My power as a soul living a human experience and a co-creator of my life.

 

I found true connection with a partner where I feel certain in revealing myself and am not afraid to challenge him when I feel my soul and heart are not being heard.

 

I have discovered that I can show up just as I am and not need to sacrifice anything of myself to have that love based connection, nor feel safe and be able to trust and surrender in the relationship.

 

I have discovered that this coming home to my heart and soul,

the listening to my intuitions which at my core I have always known to be true, will ONLY GUIDE ME TO MY HIGHEST AND BEST LIFE in all areas.

 

And that is powerful  AF!

 

We adults forget ourselves.

We change the way we transmit things in our brains by not using our creative sides, by ignoring what we feel and our curiosity.

We allow ourselves to create a time loop in our life where every day is groundhog day and we are okay with it because it is comfortable and safe, but we are not happy.

 

Today I challenge you to inquire with the self and to ask “Why am I not happy?” Really allow yourself to dig deep into your heart with this. Move past the ideas and conscripts that you have been taught that THIS IS what happiness is and that it is not okay to not be happy with the lot you have allowed yourself.

 

Ask yourself, “If I truly allowed myself to be/do/have anything that I wanted, how would I be choosing to show up in life, love, relationship right now?”

 

You are worthy of a life that makes you happy.

You are worthy of feeling and knowing that you are powerful.

But you have to first challenge the way you have allowed yourself to be gaslighted in life. Don’t accept that your core, your soul, your heart are faulty and that all that matters is the mind, your feelings about things are gifts from something more than what you believe is you.

 

START THERE.

 

And As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Summer is upon us.

I have many local DFW workshops coming up to help you get educated, transform the way you move through life, let go of anxiety, fear and find your power once more. Reach out to me for deet’s and links on these, and for anyone looking to go deep in the work of YOU let’s chat about 1:1 mentoring where I can share what my master teachers shared with me so many years bacak that awakened me to my power and truth. Message me now for summer specials.

YOU CAN’T TRUST THE WOKE MASCULINE.

 

HE IS NOT NICE.

HE IS NOT SWEET.

My man is neither of these. 

And thank heavens that he is not. 

I could not surrender my feminine heart to a man that was not strong. 

That did not stand firm in whom he is at his core.

I could not respect a man who allowed the world to walk all over him. 

Or allowed me to.

 

How is a woman ever to trust a man who waivers in his boundaries, 

In his energy, in who he is depending on what life is bringing to him. 

There is zero leadership in the masculine that believes that he is to be nice and sweet. 

Yet today we live in a world where our men are told that THIS is exactly what they should strive for. That inorder to be a “good guy” a “respectable man” that honors women and others that he needs to be nice and sweet. 

Men today are looked down upon and harshly judged for being masculine. 

For being strong willed. 

Wanting to lead their families. 

Having opinions and ideas that are different then their woman’s. 

 

Men are encouraged to treat their women like delicate china, yet know that she is boss. 

This is considered to be “honoring the feminine.”

Understand that your woman has emotions, that she can be irrational, that she has stress and that all the burden is ultimately on her back, not yours as a man. Love her for the fact that she is choosing to bear the full load. 

 

THIS IS THE EMPOWERED FEMININE.

And you are damn effing lucky that she is with you “sweet man.”

Who says nice guys finish last?

Nice guys are the masculine of the 2000’s. 

It’s how we mothers have raised our boys. 

Be nice to women AT ALL COST. 

Including your core. 

Including your boundaries and your truth. 

Swaying to her will no matter what. 

Or you will be disrespecting women. 

You will be a man like all men of time past who just use women for your gratification and pleasure. You will only see women as a tool, as something to own. 

 

Yes, we mothers have done a great job at raising our men of the 2000’s to lay down their souls so that the women they choose don’t feel the pain that we and women of many generations have felt brought on by men. 

 

But, I dare ask you if this is healthy?

Is this bringing women any more safety with men or trust in them?

Is this truly preventing women from being sexually objectified?

Or are our men only now hiding under the coats of “nice and sweet”?

Are they presenting a “respectable gentleman” with an ill hatred toward women because they feel  and see the shaming of the masculine, but smile in our faces, hold doors open and attentively listen to our venting because they know that this “woke” masculine is the pathway to getting a woman to think that she is safe?

 

Women of today struggle with trusting men. 

They struggle surrendering to men. 

They starve themselves from truly leaning into their feminine hearts because they have been raised to believe that men are evil. 

 

What if the reality was that in order for a woman to respect and trust a man, 

She had to be certain that he was who he presented himself to be?

What if she had to test him, had to see if he would waiver on his boundaries, on his beliefs and what he stood for based on what she said or did?

 

Can we ever lay down our armour and trust anyone who tells us what we want to hear or just gives us what we want without any question or concern?

 

Of course not. 

The “woke masculine” is proving to be a masculine that leans into being in touch with their feminine and supportive of the feminine. They are kind at all measures. They meditate and are spiritually enlightened men. They do yoga. They eat clean. They love animals and they don’t litter. They are educated. And they don’t push for sex. They do not see color, nor religion. They are accepting of all sexual preferences and relationship labels. 

They are “woke.” 

 

This is the image that is painted. 

And it is a masculine that I for one sure AF do not trust. 

 

Weak in who they are. 

And none of the above items make them “good guys.”

You know what an empowered woman wants and needs in her man?

Do you know what it takes to get a woman to trust and lay down her armour, to let her penetrate her heart and soul?

 

A “good man” who has purpose and direction. 

Who knows who he is and is not afraid to state it. 

A man who can speak his mind as well as his feelings and not be waivered by the ebbs and flows of life or his woman. He must be willing to fight for his woman, his family and his truth above everything else. Sometimes that means that he does see differences in people. It might mean that he believes in guns and protecting the things he loves at all cost instead of turning the other cheek because it’s more socially acceptable. It may mean that he differs with his woman, her family, or her friends. He may not be down for just saying yes and pleasing everyone. He may have hard boundaries around his time, his space, his money, his health and his heart. 

A “good man” does not act from a space of concern of what others will perceive him as. 

He does not speak from a place  of fear of being accepted. 

 

He knows who he is. 

You can trust in his consistency. 

You can see his strength, his love and his commitment in his eyes and how he chooses to show up in life. 

And he treats his woman the way he treats his life. 

He loves her wide open in respect for himself, 

Out of love for himself. 

And he stays true.

 

Socially unacceptable is the “good man.”

But he is the only man that we women will ever be able to trust and surrender our hearts to. 

 

My man is not nice. 

He is not sweet. 

He is, however, a “good-good man.”

And when I look in his eyes I feel safely held. 

I feel guided by his heart to go deeper into mine. 

I feel his power and strength and I know for certain that I can count on how he will show up in life and with me in any second of our lives together, 

Because he is consistently living from his core. 

 

“Every man knows that his highest purpose in life cannot be reduced to any particular relationship. If a man prioritizes his relationship over his highest purpose, he weakens himself, disserves the universe, and cheats his woman of an authentic man who can offer his full, undivided presence.”

David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man

 

As Always, 

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Ready to explore authentic relationships based on your core? 

Tired of settling for nice guys who just cannot seem to hold you in your beautiful feminine but instead hold you in your masculine energy?

Sick and tired of not truly feeling your man,not being able to trust him?

Reach out to me today to learn all about the Sacred Romance Program for the Empowered Woman. 

I WANT TO NEED HIM – The Tale of Today’s Feminine Surrender.

I WANT TO NEED HIM.

 

This is a statement that a woman made to me as we were speaking about her couple-hood.

 

As I listened to her tale of desire to want to need her man,

that she believed that this is the way that we were designed,

and that so much of our discontent in relationships and life as well as not knowing ourselves comes from this very belief that we women “should not” need men.

That we are just as good and can balance life without a significant other, I thought to myself,

 

SHE IS ABSOLUTELY CORRECT.

 

Women have burdened themselves with the disease of believing that we don’t need men, that it is a sign of weakness. That we are lower than human if we rely on our male counterparts. Or that if we are relying on them that we are selling ourselves for a lifestyle, for safety.

 

And so many women do, do just this.

They settle into relationships not for soul union, not for love, but for comfort and safety. They look at the man’s resume, not his heart.

 

These women are indeed selling themselves.

They are becoming slaves to a lifestyle and a comfort.

They are not acting from soul or love.

 

And to them I could write a million lines,

but today I am addressing the women who are afraid of being perceived this way.

So much so, that they armour themselves from beautiful relationships, they fight to be seen strong at all cost, they feel weak at the thought of receiving help from their man. They do not know how to be supported by the masculine.

 

I am one of these women.

So I share from the depths of my feminine heart on this topic.

I am one of those women that has a ridiculous time receiving from my man.  I have learned through the years to allow him to open doors, to help grab the groceries, to let him help me in house and home. I have gotten over him not cumming every time we make love or him focusing all his attention on my pleasure and not receiving physically in times.

 

I have learned that  his pleasure sometimes is all about my receiving in our sexual union.

 

I  have learned that he loves to witness me in rapture.

That he feels great pleasure and satisfaction in my bliss.

In what he gives to me.

 

But, when it comes to money.

When it comes to bills.

When it comes to buying the groceries.

Medical things.

Needs.

 

Even if it is a trinket that I have my eye on and he asks me, do you want that? He is ready to purchase it for me. He wants to bring me pleasure. He wants to see me adorned. He wants my happiness.

I know this. But I feel like I am taking from him.

That I should not need this.

That it is not okay.

That he will perceive me as a woman who is there for the financial support.

 

And I am scared to lean on him.

I am scared that he will see me as weak.

As needy.

That my heart and love will be missed some how,

that my truth that  I have only eyes and desire for him will be washed over in some way because he has “helped” me.

 

When in truth, it is not even him helping me.

It is a union.

It is a team.

It is US, supporting the whole together.

And it is my pride that stands in the way of the full union.

It is my pride that screams that I should not need him, all the while my soul feels just like the woman above.

 

I WANT TO NEED HIM.

Because I DO!

 

I need his strong masculine guidance.

His leadership.

His logic.

His foresight.

I need his looks of love and adoration.

I need his tenderness.

His humor.

I need his touch.

I need his heart.

I need him to need me.

 

And I do not look at him as though he is weak for wanting me.

Or for needing me.

I know that he needs my feminine heart,

my emotions and touch.

He needs to see my rapture and my tears so he can fully feel who he is at his depth as well.

 

I know that he wants to need me.

 

We both have lived without each other just fine.

We both have been more than capable of living life and supporting our loved ones, building lives, businesses and we could easily choose to continue to do just that.

 

But the union of the masculine and the feminine when done by soul, is a union of desire to be together because together we are stronger.

Together we feel more.

We heal deeper.

We expand fully.

 

It’s not about money or security.

Although together we thrive all the more as well.

 

It’s not about weakness in coming together.

Or comfort.

 

It’s uncomfortable in truth to be vulnerable and wide open with someone. To have no hold backs.

To feel as though there are no barriers,

nothing you do not want seen or felt.

To want to be witnessed at the deepest levels by your mate,

is uncomfortable AF!

 

There is no hiding here.

And we women, hold back from needing our men deeply,

and wanting to need them,

we in turn tell God/Universe that we don’t need them either.

 

It’s hypocritical of us women to say that we are these brilliant life givers, thus manifestors, creators, powerhouses and to know that we are vessels born to receive and then say NO to receiving because we deem it a weakness because it comes from our man.

 

How are we to ever fully become our greatest selves if we consistently deny our receiving, our pleasure, support, love from the great masculine?

 

No wonder we women are lost. 

No wonder so many of us are bitter, non-orgasmic, always choose the wrong man who lets us down. 

We should expect all of this and know that we have set ourselves up for suffering in love, 

To never feel fully loved or cherished because we are not cherishing ourselves. 

It is through our ability to lean into the masculine, to open our hearts and put down our armour with a man that holds us close and wants to need us as well, who gets that he is our king, our knight, our protector and great lover. That through his honor and ability to carry us deeper into ourselves that we find ourselves. 

 

 

It is my belief, and a belief that “just might” be backed by a few spiritual scriptures and structures out there as well, that we are meant to support each other. The equal yoking of the masculine and feminine. 

 

THE DESIRE TO BE ROMANCED LIES DEEP IN THE HEART OF EVERY WOMAN.

IT IS FOR SUCH THAT YOU WERE MADE.

 

I love this quote by John Eldredge.

 

However, for us to  have that desire manifest, we women must open ourselves to God first, 

We must learn to listen to our hearts, our soul, our intuition. We must then open ourselves and lay down the shields and swords of our wounded little girls and let the conscious masculine hold us. 

Love us. 

See us fully. 

We must be open to needing him. 

And we must want to need him. 

 

It is only through our wanting, 

And our understanding that, that wanting is not a weakness but a powerful space of abundance, flow and love, 

That we gain the opportunity to experience true soul union.

 

Our union with our man mirrors our union with the divine, with God.

The trust we show our mate, 

The surrender, 

The rapture, 

The need, 

The wanting.

 

We captivate our men for a reason.

It is because through us he feels life.

 

And we are lifted by his true heart and desire to serve us.

So if you are a woman like myself who struggles with receiving from the masculine, 

If you feel weak or like you will be misperceived in your wanting of his support, his love, his attention, look no further than your heart. 

Ask your truth there. 

And see him as God.

Wanting your rapture in all of life. 

 

As Always, 

Stop Existing & Start Living

WHEN WE ARE WILLING TO HARM OURSELVES FOR LOVE.

WHEN WE ARE WILLING TO HARM OURSELVES FOR LOVE.
 
Or so we tell ourselves that this is what we are doing.
We say that we would do anything for the one that we love.
We say that we just want them to be happy.
We say that we are willing to put aside our needs, boundaries, wants, etc.
and often we do.
 
Then we sit back and let our love kick us in the gut with what they want.
We sit there watching them doing what they want,
what they “need” and what we agreed to but we question how it is possible for them to be alright with doing whatever it is,
TO US.
 
And what are we really wanting from our lover at this moment?
We are wanting them to put us first.
We are wanting to know that they would do the same for us.
Meaning not that they would offer the same experience back,
but that they would actually sacrifice this “thing” for us.
 
That they see us as enough.
That they desire us, just as is without whatever else they may be wanting.
We want them to see our pain and then not want us to be in it at their hand, so prevent it. Protect us.
 
We want to be the MOST IMPORTANT THING.
And yet we are so often quick to set aside ourselves and allow the space for our mates, our lovers to be themselves. To enjoy what they need and want, to get the healing that they need however they need…
and we do it willinging at the cost of our own self-esteem and respect.
 
Sadly once we humans start to allow our respect and esteem to be stripped away in relationships, we lose ourselves and in doing that we lose the intimacy and connection we once had to self and our partner thus we lose the relationship.
 
How can we expect our partner to respect us if we do not respect ourselves enough to set a healthy boundary and know when we are a NO?
 
So instead…
 
Not wanting to control our love.
Not wanting to be conditional.
Not wanting to appear weak or jealous.
We say yes.
 
A death sentence to most relationships.
Pain and bitterness build up with a sweet smile of fake acceptance and a nod of fake approval.
Our emotional bank accounts go in the red with each pain stabbing event that takes place,
and we wonder over time where the love went?
We wonder why it’s never enough giving and accepting?
We wonder when our pain will come to an end?
 
Or if it ever will.
Believing that we are strong enough to withhold,
we attempt to stand strong and support our partner.
 
But an empty beam has no strength to support anything substantial.
 
In the name of love we exhaust ourselves until we break.
 
THIS is the tale of so many love stories gone wrong.
In working with thousands of couples over the last couple decades I have repeatedly been witness to this traumatic saga.
 
There is hope.
There are solutions.
You can repair the shattered hearts and ego’s.
You can reconnect at a deep soul level and recapture trust and respect in your intimate relationship.
 
But it requires a desire to step out of the comfort and lies you are telling yourself that you are doing this for your love.
 
That this is what love is even.
 
Love is not about sacrificing yourself to the point of no return.
Love is not about denying yourself respect in a relationship.
Love is not about embracing constant pain from your mate.
 
A healthy, harmonious love relationship understands that we are in a relationship to heal at a deeper level.
It understands that we both enter a relationship with baggage and that that baggage will get triggered repeatedly by our mate.
It sees this, accepts this but knows that loving communication that is focused on problem solving NOT being right or understood is key to a successful, happy and soul connected relationship.
It knows that saying yes when we are a no of any level, will do more damage than good.
 
It does not play games of take away,
it does not hide from its truth or from confrontation.
It comes to the relationship wanting to connect deeper,
to love deeper and to expand in that love.
 
Relationship is said to be hard,
I believe that relationship is easy.
It’s not difficult getting into one,
It’s not even that difficult to get out of one.
What’s hard is communicating our authentic YES and NO and having faith that it will be accepted by our loved one.
 
What is even more challenging is consciously hearing in love our partners YES and NO.
Relationship is a clarifying tool to our lives,
It helps us to see who we really are, what we really want in life,
Where we have been settling for so little and how much expansion we have still to gain from.
 
True love centered relating comes from putting our ego’s to the side to the best of our abilities and wanting to hear and feel where our partner is at in any given situation. It is sitting in compassion with ourselves and our mate, not in pity, fear, shame, guilt or blame.
 
Realize that in times you fear loss and pain in your relationship that you are stepping away from your heart space, you are no longer hearing yourself or your partner authentically because your ego has run away with your ears and mouth. You are ten steps ahead of what they are trying to share because you are not being present with them or yourself but instead are assuming you already know and are trying to solve the problem alone. You did not arrive here alone! And you will never solve the problem as long as you are acting from the energy of the problem.
 
Look into your heart today and see where you are stepping away from your heart, away from your relationship and love and allowing yourself to act from pain.
 
How is this serving your relationship?
 
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
Ready to claim your life back from suffering, fear, doubt and misfortune? Ready to call in the love relationship you desire. The abundance you crave for and the joy you know can be yours.
 
This Is what I have worked with thousands of people like yourself to have over the last two decades. Reach out to me today.

THIS IS THE MOST UNDERVALUED THING IN LOOKING FOR GUIDANCE TODAY.

THANK HEAVENS MY GRANDSON’S HEART TRANSPLANT WAS DONE BY AN EXCELLENT SURGEON WITH EXPERIENCE.
Right?
I mean can you imagine if the task had been handed over to a store clerk or a mechanic?
That sounds crazy right?
We would never allow that to happen.
Surgery of any kind is serious business.
It’s our health, our life.
It bears serious implications if not done well.
So of course you would never think to turn over the knife to someone who does not know how to use it or understand the human body.
Yet we do this frequently in other parts of our life.
We do it with ease.
We do not even stop to hesitate.
We just lay it all down and take the best priced option typically.
Or the quickest sounding.
We may ask if they have understanding, experience or degrees but we don’t slow down and actually inquire about their hands on knowledge.
And depending on what area of life you are asking for help and guidance in, the person you are turning toward may need certain skill sets or wisdom about what “could” happen or how things work in the real world, not just what they read in a textbook or saw on a training video.
I would say that you get what you pay for,
However our new world which has an on sloth of “experts ” and “guru’s” reveals something totally different in my opinion.
Being part of many coaching communities I see tons of new coaches coming on board, building their businesses, working with people, learning from mistakes as we all do and also getting told,
“Just proclaim yourself an expert in the field and you are one.”
This is the truth though.
If someone proclaims themselves such.
If someone shows up enough on social media and in livestreams.
If someone writes well and can be believable to some level.
If someone puts on the face that others want to see for that trade.
THEN…
They are experts.
They suddenly have wisdom that they did not earn.
They suddenly can just lean on tales they have heard as their own and make others believers of their experiences.
They are foxy little wolves in sheeps clothing for sure.
And this is what our world is full of.
It’s frustrating to myself and I am sure to others out there in the world who see this occurrence happening daily.
We see the damage that it causes.
The relationships that it destroys.
The pain and suffering that individuals are going through because of poor leadership and guidance.
But we as a society do not value experience.
REAL LIFE EXPERIENCE.
We want the virgin to give us the mind blowing sex tips.
We want the priest to tell us what to expect in the delivery room.
We want the mechanic to tell us how to build our health practice.
We want the person who has never been in a relationship to share the best strategies on how to deal with our mate.
We want the person who eats nothing but fast food and is sedentary to show us how to get the body and health of our dreams.
It’s worse than asking the devil for the steps to get to the kingdom of heaven. Sure he may know them, but is he likely going to share them? And what he does share are you going to blindly trust because he says I know God.
At least the devil does know God.
Is a fallen angel.
And does know what it takes to get there.
But we rely on those who do not know their bum from a hole in the ground for vital, life altering guidance in so many areas of life and we do so just because they have proclaimed something.
Because we are to effing lazy to inquire.
To pay attention.
To do the research.
To listen to our intuition about someone.
Or we hand the reins over because they are cheaper or claim to get quicker results.
Or give us answers that feel more comfortable than the truth.
They were nice.
They were pretty.
They had a nice voice.
I liked their shirt.
Experience.
It truly is the most undervalued thing we have these days.
We do not value wisdom.
We have lost ourselves in some strange concept that youthfulness is powerful and wise.
Wisdom is built on the foundation of failure.
And failure only comes from life experience.
Learning what works and what does not.
Wisdom, life skill, understanding…
TAKES TIME.
But you want it quick.
You want it handed to you.
And that will cost you dearly.
But at least you may learn from your error and gain wisdom.
Right?
So there is something good after all to come from choosing poor leadership and guidance.
What area are you feeling you may need support in?
What subject area of your life needs guidance from someone who has walked there before and come through the thick of it only to rise back into the light, a stronger, more wise soul?
Will you choose wisely those you allow to guide your life, your love, your money, your freedom and health?
Or will you do what is easiest?
As Always,
In service.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Ready to claim your life back from suffering, fear, doubt and misfortune? Ready to call in the love relationship you desire. The abundance you crave for and the joy you know can be yours.
This Is what I have worked with thousands of people like yourself to have over the last two decades. Reach out to me today.