IS GOING MONOGAMOUS AFTER BEING POLYOMOUROUS LEVELING UP YOUR RELATIONSHIP?

👊💥👉IS GOING MONOGAMOUS AFTER BEING POLYOMOUROUS LEVELING UP YOUR RELATIONSHIP?😳👈

 

It’s a personal thing.

Well it should be a personal thing.

 

Recently I saw a status update from a man who was in a polyomourous relationship with a woman and she was in a relationship with another man. She decided that she wanted to “level up ” her relationship with this other man and came to the man I know and shared her decision and reasons. Although he was hurt, he understood and they parted with respect and understanding.

 

Another person recently shared that they had gone through something similar:

 

Can anyone relate? Several love connections have recently decided to monogamously close their new relationships

We’ve stayed in touch, but there’s been no acknowledgment or curiosity of how this transition may affect the feelings of someone who still has active desires. While I believe everyone has the absolute freedom to decide what relationship structure they desire at the moment, I’m having emotions around the lack of attunement or transitional “aftercare”. 😔

 

Now granted this share stirrers a bunch for me and I will be sharing it over the week as we go along but for today I am focusing on the transition from poly to monogamous and why some people feel it is “leveling up” a relationship.

 

As many of you may be aware, I was once upon a time married for almost two decades. It was a monogamous marriage, very traditional, very normal by the standards and we had with it all the typical challenges that come with marriage.

 

I realized over the course of time that I felt trapped. I felt unseen. I felt controlled and like I had to sacrifice pieces of myself to keep the marriage going. I found myself not speaking my truth, hiding my emotions and thoughts around tons of things and it was all eating away at me. I became dead to life, caloused to my heart and feelings, as well as to my sex and a zombie in so many ways.

 

So one day, I decided that things had to change and I asked for a divorce.

 

My purpose was now to discover myself, learn myself, my sex, my body, my likes and dislikes. I felt like I had been living according to what my husband wanted of me and the lack of integrity was ridiculous. So my only focus in finding myself was to remain in integrity at all cost.

 

This concept of radical integrity which I quickly discovered was hard AF!

And scary, it was beautiful beyond measure.

It allowed me a space to do exactly what I wanted.

Learn me.

 

I entered this next phase of my life, dating multiple men, speaking what I wanted, setting boundaries on time, my heart and my sex that I felt good about. I was in control of myself.

 

Giving my best to each partner I chose to share myself with and getting only the aspects of them that they wanted to give, which was of course the best aspects. The fun. The play, the ability to hold space, to listen and share without concern or judgment.

It was beautiful.

 

Or was it?

As time went on, I truly believed that I was most likely not meant for just “one ”. After almost two decades of control and rules that monogamy seemed to impose on couples, I truly believed that it was not healthy or loving. I believed that monogamy was only for small minded, control based relationships where relationships were based in fear, insecurity, need and a desire to control someone else. I counted monogamy as an ego driven style of relating.

 

🙏Open relationships felt more loving and accepting. 🙏

 

It felt safer.

 

I did not have to put all my eggs into one basket.

I did not have to have needs met by one.

And that was a loving thing, to not expect everything from “one.”

 

As time went on, I found myself moving into less open relating and wanting more depth and connection with just a couple of men.

 

Here I landed into a double primary relationship, where I had two men and I was the primary to each of them and they to me.

 

Allowing for my stability in my life.

And for some amount of years we were pretty successful in our poly-based relationship.

 

That was we were successful UNTIL “I” got really stable in who I was, what I wanted, what I liked and did not like and spoke my truth.

 

My one partner was highly upset that  after years of going along with things and being playful and adventurous, I suddenly changed my ways and had harder boundaries in what I wanted and did not enjoy in our sexing. He stated that I did not know myself. Saying that I needed to trust him. You see he was great with me having boundaries around my heart that I had instilled through open relationship where it was vital for me to not get overly attached to anyone and lose myself in them.  But when it came to my boundaries around my sex and body, he was frustrated with me. He wanted to act out his fantasies with my body and he wanted me to want it and trust him in it. Of which I could not because his fantasies were not mine AND he did not penetrate my heart.

 

My other partner, with him I could soften and move into our sexing with ease. I trusted him here. I knew that he wanted for my pleasure and safety not for his fantasy. He had accessed a bit more of my heart and I was wanting to move more into that lush space with him. I wanted to go deeper and commit more. And so I found myself requesting to move to a more monogamous relationship with him.

 

Now granted he chose differently.

He did not want that with me.

He found it with someone else and he set me free.

 

Thank goodness he did too.

Because he gifted me with the best thing ever, my freedom.

Freedom to get very clear on what I really was aligned too and what I really desired in relationship.

 

I had learned so much from all my experiences.

And I knew that what I truly wanted was depth in a relationship.

I knew that I wanted to surrender fully into a relationship and let my heart be held by another.

 

I was tired of the armour that an open relationship had created in its attempt to drop all the armour that had been created in the monogamous marriage of my past.

 

And so fast forward to NOW.

 

👉The relationship that I was not  ready for 25 years ago when I was still married.

 

👉The relationship that I could not have handled just two years ago as I sorted through my feelings, perspectives and views on freedom, commitment and authentic love.

 

👉The relationship that over a decade ago I was not ready for because I believed that immersion was bad and ego based.

 

Today I am monogamous.

And so many people ask me, “WHY?”

 

How can I go from being so open in love, relationship and sex to only having “ONE?”

 

“So in the past you have had non monogamous relationships, but it seems like now you are happy in a monogamous relationship.  So do you think that was because It ultimately wasn’t the right relationship in the past?  Or do you think it was more about where you were in your life and what you wanted at that time vs now?  Or was it more about the partner and what they were comfortable or ok with? Or a combo of all.” – Client inquiry.

 

💥💥💥And to these people and the individuals above who recently went through a transition in their polyomourous loves “leveling up” to monogamy I say this…

 

To some yes, monogamy means all the negative terms I shared and more. It means control and loss of rights. It means that you sacrifice who you are, what you want to explore and who you get to explore with.

 

But when someone is moving from polyamory to monogamy, if they are not being pressured into it but actually want it, it is because they are wanting “more” in their relationship.

 

More:

👉depth

👉commitment

👉transparency

👉trust

👉respect

👉aligned goals

👉connection

👉surrender

👉heart

 

And they have come through the beautiful education of what polyomourous relationships teach and offer and are ready to fully immerse themselves into what they feel is “home.”

 

Why have I come back full force to monogamy?

Simple….

 

💥HE SEE”S ALL OF ME – There is nothing hidden in my relationship. He has witnessed me through a few years in different relationship labels and he has seen my weakness, my fears, my inner battles, my demons. He knows me and he is willing to keep unearthing the parts of me by my side as I go deeper into my soul and heart with him. He continues to choose me, all the while standing strong in who he is and what he needs and wants in our relationship.

 

 

💥WE ARE ALIGNED IN MIND< HEART< SOUL AND BODY – This means that our values are aligned in these areas. We have taken the time not only to delve into each other and truly listen and watch, but to also stand in vulnerability with each other and share. Our lives blend together with ease, not asking either one of us to make massive life changes or be something that we are not. Our views on the world are similar. We live in a dance of joint commitment to relationship happiness and strength instead of who is right or wrong.

 

💥A WHOLE PACKAGE- Not what you might think I mean here. The whole package is all about the alignment and the feeling of “home.” Here is the thing, we may enjoy other destinations when we are world travelers but the feeling of coming home is fantastic if you have a good home. But what if you live in your dream destination and have everything you can ever want for? What if the thought of being a world traveler sounds exhausting and full of drama, even empty? If your home is that spectacular then you just  want to bask in your joy of the home you have and really sink into it. You want to build your life there. This is called full immersion. And it is what the soulmate relationship is all about. I believe that we are all looking for this and we simply don’t believe it’s a real thing because we get led astray and hurt so much that we end up armouring our hearts to it. There is something inside we humans that want the equal yoking and entwinement of the whole being where we become one. This is because we crave at our deepest level to have rock solid trust, love and transparency with another and it can only truly happen when two people commit to each other and make zero room for interruptions, chaos or things that distract.

 

👊I HAD TO WANT AND BE WILLING TO BE HELD LIKE THIS.👊

 

And this is a scary AF place to want to set up camp.

Let me tell you this.

Open relationships allowed for detachment, even encouraged it.

I taught myself that was the most loving thing to do.

 

💥Soul-monogamy💥requires unbelievable trust in surrendering into your mate and removing anything that can be perceived as a barrier. Ultimate transparency and acceptance of self and your partner. The reality is you cannot have soul-monogamy with just anyone. You must be ready for it and you must have the right person show up to meet you in this meadow of the rest of your life. 

 

It is Soul-penetration.

 

Yeah, there is a lot here and I hope that you found something for where you are at in your relationship and style.

There is no right or wrong in relating.

The only thing you ever need to do is find ALIGNMENT for where you are and speak your truth about it.

Your soul and heart are learning, and it is your responsibility to listen to the lessons and have faith in your steps.

 

For me, Soul-monogamy is my true path.

The rules that I was once intolerable of are now my heart’s desire.

I am not controlled by the container that we have built together but instead freed by it to know that I am protected and supported by my choices and my commitment and that my partner is aligned to these as well.

 

Freedom comes with responsibility.

Responsibility is defined by the guidelines that help us to have clarity to know what is needed in any situation or choice to be made.

 

Commit to these things and you will find yourself one day in the arms of your soulmate. 

 

As Always, 

Loving you from here on your journey. 

 

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Helping dynamite powerful souls like yourself discover love and fulfilment is what my passion is. Over the last two decades I have worked with hundreds of women & men such as yourself to call in their soulmate by aligning to their truth. I have guided countless couples not to just rekindle a love that they thought was lost, but to create an empowered turned on and fully aligned partnership based in love with 8 simple steps. If you are a woman or man who is looking for happiness, love and abundance in life and is sick and tired of just getting by, reach out to me for a FREE Clarity Call today where we will define exactly what is holding you back, what you are wanting to call in and the next best steps to achieve your desired life. Message me to set up your FREE Clarity Call today.

DON’T LET YOUR INNER CHILD SABOTAGE YOUR RELATIONSHIP, BECAUSE IT WILL!

👊👊👉DON’T LET YOUR INNER CHILD SABOTAGE YOUR RELATIONSHIP, BECAUSE IT WILL! 😳👈👊
I have an issue with the word, “You.”
I also am incredibly sensitive in nature and empathic you might say. I feel when my partner pulls away emotionally from me and it sends me into a tailspin in my thoughts.
I can be very self-critical, I judge myself before someone else can even get the words together and I have already sentenced myself, convinced that I am at fault, not good enough, not thinking right, feeling right and should just shut up about whatever the subject might be that has created this drama that I don’t want to deal with.
In the same, I was raised an only child (although I am not an only child) and with it I have a blended feeling of righteousness, as though the world ‘should’ just get on board with what I want. I am strong in my opinions about things and not afraid to speak them often.
I also have a blend of being the baby in the family and the eldest child in another way, because I found myself parenting my mother frequently… meaning I was the listening ear, the therapist, the peacekeeper, her friend, her sister…
I was rarely her child.
Except she guarded me and helicopter parented me like the baby.
My father wanted a son and he got me. Leaving me feeling like I was never good enough, never strong enough, a let down and there was nothing that I could do to fix it, so I was the best Tom boy that I could be with my barbies in hand, a baseball bat, fishing pole, and my fascination for nature and wild creatures.
All of this and so much more, created an inner child who is strong willed, temperamental, calculating yet hot headed at times, deeply emotional, fearful of not being worthy or good enough and yet that she is too much to handle and her truth is not acceptable for the world and especially the one she chooses to give her heart too.
And this inner child, well she gets things wrong a lot.
She acts from sheer emotion frequently and thank goodness for the parenting I have done for myself and self-healing and growing to see things so that I can nip them in the butt quicker than in years past.
I have learned that criticism is typically not a healthy stance to take.
For self or others.
And it certainly is not a loving act in an intimate relationship.
It actually creates separation and wraps both parties up into the blame game which steals our personal power and triggers wounds from childhood and past relationships.
Let me explain this just a tad bit more.
Typically when we are being critical with our partner what we are actually attempting to do is to inform them that we have a complaint about their action or behaviour.
An example might be that my partner and I have an agreement in our relationship to check in with each other. He texts me faithfully every morning when he arrives at work saying, “At office.”
I message back that I love him, letting him know that I received the message.
Now let’s say that he skips a day because he got caught up right away in a conversation at work and had to deal with something. One thing led to another as they do and he meant to message but never made it to it.
A few hours go by and my mind has now wandered into places of concern for him, or what happened because this is our pattern, our thing and he did not follow through.
Let’s say that I call him and say,
“What happened? I guess you think it’s okay to just not do what we agreed to and you obviously don’t care about my feelings or concern. I don’t believe you forgot because this is what we have been doing since we got together. It was just selfish of you to not slow down and think about texting me. How long does it take to just say at the office?”
This does not feel good, does it?
It blames him for his actions, my feelings and tells him that he is bad, selfish, I don’t trust him, I can’t trust him, I don’t believe him and that he is bad. It plays on any triggers from his youth about not getting it right and most likely may cause fear of abandonment. It also gives no space for human error and situations that arise for any of us. In truth if I were to say this to him, I would be the one who was being self-centered and not wanting to take any responsibility for my thoughts, feelings or how I am approaching him or his feelings. I am going into victim mode in this stance.
A healthy way to deal with the same situation might be,
“Hey love, just calling to make sure everything is okay. I got a bit scared since you have not texted like normal to let me know you were at the office, I thought we had agreed that we would do that for each other.”
Can you feel the difference?
Can you see the supportiveness, love, compassion and connection building in the second one versus the blame and shame in the first?
Which will lead to a healthy outcome?
Which creates a space for listening and for connection?
Exactly the second one.
Our words mean so much, and communication is vital to a happy, healthy relationship. Often people don’t express issues they are having, they instead express criticism. Expressing your frustration and upset, calmly and with a willingness to receive the others humanness shows unconditional love and support, instead of blame which creates separation, walls, fear and judgement.
The next thing our inner child might try and sabotage our relationship with is CONTEMPT. 😳
Contempt is a nasty little booger.
It goes far past criticism.
Criticism attacks your partner’s character, however contempt assumes a position of moral superiority.
Wowza!
This really shows its nasty head in situations where we get into comparison with our partner.
We tend to be acting strictly from our wound, our pain body in these moments. And we might say things such as,
“Yeah, yeah… you never feel good. You are always tired. Don’t you see what I have been doing for you, this house and family? Stop being so pathetic and just fix yourself already. If I had a dollar for every time you …”
Here is where we step firmly into righteousness land.
Making ourselves better than our partners and pointing them into the land of not good enough no matter what.
Typically our righteousness blinds us from being able to see our partners for who they are and what they are actually doing because we are caught up in our checklist and rules book of how it is supposed to look and the time line that we have impressed upon them ‘getting it right and proving themselves to us.’
Contemp arises because of the fear that we hold inside around abandonment and not being worthy enough to hold onto love.
It stems from a wounded inner child that felt unseen, unloved, not recognized and most likely was reminded of their shortcoming frequently. Anything that triggers it in our adult relating will put us here in the land of comparison and contempt that he/she has it better than us and does not appreciate it or what we have done.
This is a killer to creating lasting love and trust in a relationship and will always lead to our partners feeling like they are damned no matter what they do.
As a child, raised in the manner that I was.
As a virgo, who is super self-critical.
As a woman, who was a little girl who just desired her daddy’s acceptance and love, approval.
And not wanting to get things wrong in general but still being damn good at being human, one of the hardest grown up things that I have had to learn and get right with is, making mistakes and taking responsibility for them.
I believe that this is potentially THE BIGGEST issue in a relationship.
All relationships.
Love, parenting, friendship, work, don’t matter.
I know I am far from alone in learning how to be emotionally mature and own my own bull.
But there’s more to self-responsibility then just saying,
“I own my part.”
We have to follow that up with our actions.
And we have to make changes to not repeat the mistakes.
That says more than anything : I take responsibility for my words/actions here.
However, what happens more than this is DEFENSIVENESS.
And we make excuses for why it happened, almost begging for forgiveness and understanding.
Again we put ourselves into the victim mode instead of self-empowered mode. Plus, we say to our partner with our excuse that we don’t take their concern, feelings, thoughts, needs seriously.
We are not willing to take responsibility but instead point blame to an outside source.
Not saying that one cannot share “why” things happened the way they did, that is not a bad thing and helps our partner understand the full picture. But if we come out the gates without recognizing that our partner has a concern and instead just run over them with excuses and defense moves, or shifting the subject, pointing fingers back at them and such, we are shutting down communication and love.
Defensiveness is normal.
No one likes to be blamed or feel blamed.
But if we are to have a happy and healthy relationship then we have to shift past our normal defaults and practice a deeper, more loving communication style where both sides aim to find resolution in happiness instead of who is right or wrong.
The final wounded inner child tactic of sabotage on your relationship I want to share today is known as stone walling.
This is where the listener withdraws from the conversation. They shut down and simply stop responding to their partner rather than deal with the issue. They may all of a sudden become very busy with something and use maneuvers such as looking away, moving to a different room, saying they have to get to work, or even doing something as simple as doing the dishes or tapping their foot.
Stone walling is a childish behaviour that many people make use of when they feel extreme discomfort in discussing an issue in the relationship that may be too emotional for them at the time.
I had an intimate relationship for years just like this. My partner then, consistently would stone wall any issue. He would just act as though I did not exist anymore. In order for me to be seen by him, I would have to literally grovel and ask for forgiveness for what he perceived I did wrong and he would sit with a stone face and finally say, “Don’t worry about it.”
But that was just a lead into more stone walling.
Where he would tell me not to worry, to forget it.
What he wanted was for me to FIX MY EVIL WAYS.
Although, as it is in many instances in relationship, there was nothing to fix, or the things he was hurt about he had no idea what I could do to make better or right, just leaving me with the statement,
” You know what you did, you know what I want.”
The issue was that all I knew is that I did not like the feeling of being cast out.
I was asking for direction and wanted to do my part, but did not know what he needed from me to make it right.
And sometimes he was mad at me about what others had done, or his perception of events and was upset that he had been triggered but did not know himself what to do.
His path as a child was to coil up and hide.
To become aloof.
Separate as best he could from his pain.
And he brought this pattern to our relationship which in turn triggered my fear of abandonment.
My daddy issues about not being good enough or getting it right and a desire to please him at almost all cost.
So much so, like I did when my dad got upset with me and pulled away, I found myself in this unhealthy relationship acting the same and shrinking into my wounded child to meet his wounded child and we danced together in seperation.
Until one day, like any of these behaviours will lead to if used repeatedly and unconsciously from that sabotaging inner child state, we seperated.
 
A healthy format might have been to say,
“I am really emotional and upset about this right now. I don’t feel safe discussing it and need time to think and calm down. Can we talk later?”
 
Feel the difference from the stone walling?
I do.
And that is why I share this article today with you.
I see these behaviours being used frequently.
We are all guilty of them at different times, and if you think you are not,
THINK AGAIN.
Because you are human and wounded.
These are typical patterns of relating.
However, as we emotionally mature it is our responsibility to own our emotions and feelings, thus our actions and recognize our thoughts that lead to them.
Acting from an emotional mature space means that we as adults in a loving relationship will want to deal with any problem that arises and work through it right away. Where that inner child will choose one or more of these patterns and make excuses, point fingers and avoid.
The inner child will find themselves revisiting the wounds and fear,
sabotaging and recreating the history they did not enjoy living through in their once loving relationship of today.
Just something to ponder on this Friday.
As Always,
Loving you from here.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Helping dynamite powerful souls like yourself discover love and fulfilment is what my passion is. Over the last two decades I have worked with hundreds of women & men such as yourself to call in their soulmate by aligning to their truth. I have guided countless couples not to just rekindle a love that they thought was lost, but to create an empowered turned on and fully aligned partnership based in love with 8 simple steps. If you are a woman or man who is looking for happiness, love and abundance in life and is sick and tired of just getting by, reach out to me for a FREE Clarity Call today where we will define exactly what is holding you back, what you are wanting to call in and the next best steps to achieve your desired life. Message me to set up your FREE Clarity Call today.

WHY CAN’T SHE SEE SHE’S BEAUTIFUL.

💃WHY CAN’T SHE SEE SHE IS BEAUTIFUL?👈💃

 

We ladies can be so needy sometimes and not even realize what we are doing. Granted, today I am sharing some most likely pretty obvious things that we ladies are guilty of asking our men, however my point in sharing these things is to enlightened the women of my page as to what is really going on when we reach out with this sort of inquiry and what we can do to better ourselves.

 

Self-love and acceptance is vital to an emotionally healthy person and relationship with another. Both sexes have numerous challenges around self-love and it often shows up in our communication with our partners. Personally speaking I can recall many times when I have been guilty of asking these questions myself, granted after doing much deep internal work it is rare today that I ask such things, but I do still realize when the words come off my lips what is actually at play and it has nothing to do with the question asked or my partner.

 

Instead it is 👉ALL ABOUT ME 👈and my own insecurity in the relationship or myself.

 

Here is the reality, we women often are guilty of giving up our power to men when we are in relationship, we do this in so many ways from not being able to make clear decisions when he asks us a questions around what we want/need, we fear hurting his feelings or ego, we get caught up in performance issues, wanting to be perfect all the time, making sure that he believes that he is always pleasing us in bed and will say that there is nothing bothering us in the relationship. Women are great at faking it! All the while we get overly fixated on what he is doing and what’s going on in all areas of his life. We end up operating from a place of diffused hyper focus, meaning we focus on EVERYTHING and see EVERYTHING as a threat.

 

This is giving our power away and not operating from a place of self-love, trust in the relationship or him and only from the defense.

Leading us to needing what might appear like constant validation from him.

 

If you are a woman, in a relationship and guilty of saying any of these following statements or some version of them, then pause for a moment, go internal and breathe into your heart. Hear me now beautiful…

 

 

🥰🌹👉YOU DON’T NEED A MAN TO VALIDATE YOU TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF!👈🌹🥰

 

💃Does this dress/outfit make me look fat/bad? – Perhaps one of the most common and old statements in the book when talking about women, however there is still a reason for it and that is that we ladies are dang good at setting these traps for our men. Most men today know not to take the bait but I ask you this…

 

How would you feel if he said yes?

A general rule of thumb and emotional maturity understanding in relationship and life is DON’T ASK A QUESTION IF YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE ANSWER.

 

So often we ask questions and then get upset or hurt by the response we get because it’s not in alignment to what we had hoped or wanted, then we finger point and blame the other person for being insensitive to our feelings and needs. This is not a mature response nor is it coming from a place of inner power. It sets us into victimhood and has us wounded around every corner.

 

I can tell you that this question is one you should just avoid.

Especially if you are a sensitive soul. Youmay believe that you want the truth, you want to know his opinion and want to know that he finds you attractive and beautiful but I have discovered over the course of a few relationships that if your man cares about you, desires you and is present with you…

 

💥YOU WILL NOT HAVE TO EVER ASK THIS QUESTION. 💥

 

Instead you will get an unasked for response that is something like this, “Wow babe! You’re stunning/hot/beautiful.”

 

You will see your man light up like you were standing before him naked. His turn on will be obvious.

 

💃Have you noticed anything different about me? – We ask this typically when we cut our hair, got our nails done, bought a new dress, etc. We are looking to see how tuned in he is to the subtle changes that we have made. And we are inquiring because we desire to know that he is focused on us at the level that so many women tend to focus on their man.  Again we are searching for acknowledgement and validation from him to make ourselves feel safe and good.

 

We women need to understand that men are pretty simple creatures. Yes they are deep and complex but they are more hyper focused on what is happening right in front of them then looking at every little detail of what is going on in our lives as women. They are designed to be fixers, leaders and protectors. If anything in these areas arises then they are on it, a knight in shining armour ready to serve the woman he loves.  Your change of lipstick color is not on that list and although he may notice how beautiful you are he may not put 1+1 together that your lips are a different color than yesterday.  Taking offense or thinking he is not being present enough from this is simply expecting a man to observe life more like a woman than the man that he is. 

 

At our core we women understand this, and what we are looking for is a need to be seen, appreciated and told we are beautiful, good, worthy of his love instead of knowing we are loveable and whole just as we are.

 

💃Do you think that woman is prettier than me? – Or some version of this. So many women will set  a trap here too and point out an attractive woman by saying something about the other woman’s dress, hair, eyes or what have you to draw her man’s attention there slyly. Again, be careful what you ask!!!! Most men recognize that his woman is looking for the response, “No babe, you are far more beautiful than her.” 

 

The reason we women ask this is because we are feeling insecure in our bodies or in the relationship. This particular question is a major sign of a fear and insecurity under the surface. Sometimes women who feel their mate might be cheating on them will start to ask these questions and pay great attention to where her man’s eyes are going when out to dinner or other public events. Granted with  affair rates ever escalating in committed relationships of today, there are plenty of good reasons for many women to be on the defense. We women need to realise that one reason out of many for why men cheat is because they are attracted to the confidence of another woman that we have lost. And much like a man who exhibits low-self esteem and confidence, it’s not attractive. Realize that when you as a woman reclaim your own power and focus on self-love and self-validation that you start to radiate again.

 

You must shift the narrative in your head to, ” I don’t need validation or approval from anyone to feel good about myself. I can feel good and love myself.”

 

💃What’s wrong babe? – My partner and I are deeply connected emotionally, mentally, energetically and physically. When he is ‘off’ I feel it right away and I feel insecure right away as well. His offness creates a fear in me that I have done something wrong, set him off, that he is pulling away from me and I have a deep desire to reel him back in. My concern rushes through my body and I start to over analyze myself and him.

 

THAT’S THE TRUTH.

 

I am a human woman. I have my fears and concerns and my baggage. Just like anyone. But this inquiry is still no good, even though I am guilty of offering it up to him more frequently then I should.

 

There are going to be times in relationships that our partner or us are out of sorts. We are going to notice this energetic/emotional change. The feminine wants to inquire, talk about it, emotionalize it, share tears and support each other. We women move through these times by venting. Men on the other hand, not so much.

Men need to be able to go internal and contemplate. They need to navigate their own emotions and thoughts without our neediness to be validated by them while they are problem solving. The one thing you can be certain of with a man who is strong in his masculine energy and who he is, is that if he has an issue he will bring it up pretty quickly. He is not going to let it sit and fester.

 

Most of the time when a man grows distant with his woman for a split second it has nothing to do with her or the relationship.

Again men are more hyper focused on what is right before them, unless they are problem solving a greater picture item or planning the future. However, for most life challenges they are dealing with whatever problem has made itself known in front of them. And this could be related to work, health, house, family, etc.

 

Where we women like to wrap it all together and hyper focus from a more global view making everything about us and the relationship.

 

💃What are you thinking? – This should have been number one or two in truth as it’s right in alignment with the last bullet point. We ladies are notorious for asking our men this question when we feel he is not being present with us and often this happens when he is focused on something else such as a sports game, a work project, or just chilling watching birds. Women in general have more issues with silence than men in relationships. Silence equates to disconnect. The natural feminine wants to be vocal and chit chat. Vent and share.

 

However, the natural mascuiline is about directness. It’s logical and based on what is needed versus taking up space with things that are just wasters of time, energy, or focus.

 

💥MEN FOCUS ON WHAT IS IN FRONT OF THEM.💥

 

So when you step into the path and shift his focus from what he was problem solving, contemplating or him just escaping away to his ‘nothing box’ as Mark Gungor shares in his talk, ‘The Tale of Two Brains” which I highly recommend all men and women who are in relationship or want in relationship listen to the full version of on Youtube, that you are shifting the narrative to:

 

“What are you thinking?”

 

Only says, I am feeling insecure and I need you to validate me and tell me we are good, safe and I am good and safe.

 

👊🤯💃LADIES, ALL OF THESE THINGS REFLECT A LEVEL OF NEEDINESS THAT IS NOT SUPPORTIVE TO YOUR RELATIONSHIP OR YOUR MAN.💃🤯👊

Let alone yourelf.

 

It’s high time, we women get clear on loving ourselves.

 

If we want to live a life of abundance and devote ourselves to love and a soulmate relationship, then we have to do our own deep inner work and know that we are worthy without the validation from anyone else.

 

Consistently, handing over our power in relationships and allowing ourselves to feel this level of insecurity creates a wishy-washy energy and makes us appear less attractive, strong, centered and trust worthy to a high value man.

 

We are more likely to step away from our authentic selves and offer up what we feel will keep the peace or to try and become something that we believe he wants instead of being who we truly are.

 

💥A HIGH VALUE MAN DOES NOT WANT THIS VERSION OF YOU. HE WANTS YOUR AUTHENTIC YES OR NO. HE WANTS YOUR BRILLIANCE AND CONFIDENCE.💥

 

And he most certainly does not want to feel like he is responsible for your emotions.

 

Which he is not!

 

👉Ready to step into a conscious, loving, emotionally mature soulmate relationship?

 

👉Desiring to feel complete in yourself and no longer needing validation from any man?

 

👉Wanting to immerse yourself in the relationship of your dreams but tired of calling in men who cannot hold you?

 

Then it’s time to claim your power.

Reach out to me today to learn the secrets and mysteries of the empowered women.

 

As Always,

Loving you from here.

 

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

Helping dynamite powerful souls like yourself discover love and fulfilment is what my passion is. Over the last two decades I have worked with hundreds of women & men such as yourself to call in their soulmate by aligning to their truth. I have guided countless couples not to just rekindle a love that they thought was lost, but to create an empowered turned on and fully aligned partnership based in love with 8 simple steps. If you are a woman or man who is looking for happiness, love and abundance in life and is sick and tired of just getting by, reach out to me for a FREE Clarity Call today where we will define exactly what is holding you back, what you are wanting to call in and the next best steps to achieve your desired life. Message me to set up your FREE Clarity Call today.

4 TYPES OF MEN THAT WILL NEVER MAKE YOU A PRIORITY.

👊👊💥4 TYPES OF MEN THAT WILL NEVER MAKE YOU A PRIORITY💥👊

 

Or ladies…

This bit of relationship reality can pertain to both sexes, however I will be addressing it toward the women looking for love and commitment with a man.

 

👉👉👉SO YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW TO STOP BEING AN OPTION TO HIM?

 

The simple answer would be, ‘BE A MF HIGH VALUE WOMAN!’

I mean that’s what a lot of relationship coaches will tell you.

Just lean into your feminine.  Relying on the man to do it all will never work, it will however land you in the middle of heartbreak over and over again. You cannot rely on the man to vet the relationship. You as the woman MUST do your inquiry on the front side and take full responsibility for figuring out if he is one of these four types of men or not. If you truly want to find love and commitment then before you ever meet you need to explore who he is and how aligned you really are.

 

You see our world supports swipe dating and this sort of dating desensitizes us to actual connection to another human being.

 

It focuses us on attraction instead of values, how our lives may blend together or not and if a person is emotionally mature.

When we focus on attraction we get caught up in the idea that the most valuable thing is chemistry and if you have chemistry then love will solve all other challenges.

 

👊👊🥰LOVE DOES NOT SOLVE RELATIONSHIP WOES!🥰👊👊

 

 

Sorry to break it to you beautiful, but love is not the answer to everything, as wonderful as it may sound. 👉What solves issues in relationship is emotional maturity and alignment. 👈

 

And there is a major difference between emotional maturity and being in touch with your emotions.  That is a whole nother conversation however, and if you want more in depth coaching on how to discover the difference as well as to develop your own emotional maturity to call in aligned matches, reach out to me in the comments or privately. This is my expertise.

 

Your hyper focus on chemistry is killing your vetting game!

Unfortunately, both sexes are walking into the dating realm looking for the generalized idea of what they deem love and commitment. However, they have no real intentionality in their exploration, meaning they are not being conscious about, “Who is really compatible with me? or What sort of questions should I be asking before I give my heart/solitude/space in my life away? And how do I know if this person is emotionally mature?”

 

The concept of , “Time will tell.” is not something that many people really want to invest in and with good reason. For the majority of the singles who are over fourty years old, midlife dating means that they don’t want to waste time with bad eggs. However 75% of that bracket of singles looking for love are divorced. They have alimony, child support, visitation rights, family court stuff, erectile dysfunction, menopause, job issues, retirement fears, and elderly parents just to name a few things. A completely different set of challenges than those in their twenties and thirties and if you are a midlifer they you get it.

 

EVEN MORE IMPORTANT TO FIND ALIGNMENT AND EMOTIONAL MATURITY THEN JUST LOOKING FOR CHEMISTRY AND PHYSICAL ATTRACTION.

 

👉The idea that if we have mutual chemistry it will lead to love is false! 🤯

 

REALITY: Love only comes over time and life challenges that two people commit to overcome and support each other on.

 

You do not find love on a first, second, or even third date.

That feeling of love at first sight…

Yeah it’s actually lust or limberance.

 

You could say that love is earned.

Might sound conditional, because it most certainly is and should be on the front side. Giving your heart away so freely is naive and immature. It is not self-loving or respectful and it drives me crazy to hear so many ladies out there say, “I can’t help it… I have such a big heart and so much love. I wear my heart on my sleeve.”

 

Well ladies (and sensitive gents alike), if you are guilty of this, realize that you need to do a little bit of internal work and learn to love yourself enough to be clear with who you are and what you want and be emotionally strong and stable. This is a major piece to emotional maturity. Handing over your heart and love so easily will only cause you suffering.

 

👊👊💥 MUTUAL ATTRACTION DOES NOT MEAN THAT HE IS THE ONE FOR YOU!💥👊👊

 

He may take the lead and drop you into your feminine.

You may have that knee popping kiss that we see in movies and desire.

He may have all the right bullet points on the resume that you have created in your head.

And you may “feel this energy” that you just want to lose yourself into.

 

None of that means that he is your soulmate however.

None of it means that you are aligned or that he is emotionally mature.

Only going deep into inquiry, asking the right questions, being honest about your intentions around relationship will set the stage for you to better make an informed decision on if he is worth your time, energy, heart and sex.

 

Men can leap through many relationships far easier than women.

Understand that. They are designed to sow their seed. For the majority of women however, if they are wanting love and commitment not just a hookup where they remain armoured up against true connection and unity, this sort of bouncing the spectrum with so many men will shatter them emotionally.

Leaving them feeling unwanted, not valued except for their sex, not lovable and as though they are always an option to the men they set their eye and heart on.

 

👉So what are the 4 types of men that will make you an option?

 

Being an option to someone means that you are not a priority.

Basically speaking, when someone is always too busy ( and we are all busy AF in our lives, especially us midlifers. ) They are saying, 💥”You are not important to me.”💥

 

You can always see where someone’s priorities are seated, because that is exactly where they will be investing their time, energy and heart.  If you are looking for a relationship, a partnership for a lifetime and love, then realize that if you are not creating the space for it in your life then you really do not value it or want it.

 

👊The 4 Types of Men (or Women) Who will NEVER Make You A Priority Are: 👊

 

💥Men who lack purpose and/or passion. – The majority of our world goes to work each day. They identify themselves with their career but they hate what they do. They are not passionate about their work or what they are offering the world and this often goes hand in hand with purpose, because the purpose behind their work is simply to pay the bills.  The issue with passionaless and purposeless people is that they are suffering internally. They suffer from core identity, putting who they are as a career and a responsible person in place of truly knowing themselves. This translates to them typically having destructive behaviors because they lack core foundation and THAT makes them incapable of creating a healthy foundation in a relationship as well. When a person lacks passion/purpose you may see it come out in the use of drugs and alcohol, they may date excessively, become sexaholics or even develop avoidant personalities.

 

👊👊💥REALIZE THIS: EXCESSIVE DATING AND A NEED TO BE AROUND PEOPLE OR HAVE SEX EXCESSIVELY IS A FORM OF SELF-MEDICATION.💥👊👊

 

These sort of men will never make you a priority because they are lost in who they are at a core level.  Our passions and purpose can and will change/transform through our lives, however if we do not know who we are we are not ready for authentic love, relationship or soulmate partnership.

 

💥Men who have a bunch of chaos going in their life. – (Job issues, health, financial, child issues, family, etc). This might seem like the net to meet someone just shrinked incredibly, especially for all the midlifers out there. And I am not saying to totally disregard these men and not date them, just don’t get caught up in the web of believing that you can “fix them” and if you do fix them that they will be yours and love will heal it all. Those of you who want to always fix someone, are falling into the idea that things will change,   you are making excuses for your partners behaviors and attitudes, for their immaturity. Realize that you will only exhaust yourself. Don’t get made at the fact that you are the one choosing these projects only to discover that you are beating your head against a brick wall.

 

👊👊💥STOP BEING IN RELATIONSHIP WITH A PROJECT!💥👊👊

 

You want to play and learn yourself with a project? FINE.

You want to learn about your likes, dislikes, needs and desires with a project? FINE.

But if you are just getting to know someone and they are project central, then get real with yourself and don’t give your heart away.

We can all be projects at times in our lives.

We can all have a bunch of chaos blossom in our lives.

Alignment and emotional maturity however, will show you if you are in a constant construction sight, where the person you have set your eye on is willing and able to build something or not. And from here you can make a decision if you want to support and grow together or if you need to look elsewhere.

 

💥A man who is set in his ways. -Typically this happens as we age. People who are older, who have not been in any or very few or limited significant primary relationships to any degree can become VERY set in their ways which means that they are set in how they do life ALONE, making it a challenge to put someone else, especially on the front side of learning each other, as a priority. They may also suffer from a lack of emotional immaturity because they have not had the relationship challenges and lessons as others.

 

💥A casual relationship man who offers/request monogamy/exclusivity out the gates but has no real desire to be in a committed relationship. – This is a bit harder to identify than the others, because we believe that making a request or offering up exclusivity is a sign of commitment and desire to explore a relationship. However, that is not always the case and you will often find that one or more of the other items will come into play with this person, from above.

 

You must understand what commitment means if you are wanting it, and realize that it is not exclusivity. Nor does it come right away… commitment comes with love.

 

👉LOOK AT THE TRADITIONAL MARRIAGE VOWS IF YOU WANT A GOOD DEFINITION OF WHAT COMMITMENT IS.👈

 

Commitment means, “I’ve got your back!”

For better or worse.

In sickness and health.

Richer or poorer.

 

If you are not willing to wipe the puke off of someone’s face, sit by their bedside in a hospital room for weeks/months on end, support them in a time of financial strife, etc. then you are not committed!

 

You have to want and be willing to commit to all the shiz that comes with someone else when you get into a real authentic relationship and encompass all of what it means to be partners in life.

 

This alone takes courage, emotional maturity, and commitment to the relationship.

Of course loves plays a significant role,

and love grows the commitment.

 

However as long as you stay focused on being wined and dined, romanced and following the energy, the lure of someone’s physical appearance and the chemistry you have in the moment that feels so hot and yummy, YOU WILL NOT BE A PRIORITY TO WHOMEVER THIS OTHER PERSON IS.

 

Get aligned to yourself!

Set your intentions in what you want in a relationship.

Ask the right questions before you have sex, open your heart up and let all the butterflies in your tummy loose.

 

🌹BEFORE YOU PUT THOSE ROSE TINTED GLASSES ON – INQUIRE, INQUIRE, INQUIRE ON IF THIS PERSON IS THE MOST COMPATIBLE FOR YOU.🌹

 

And if you want some help learning those questions to ask,

on developing your core and loving yourself into a place of commanding in respect, and being valued to a level of being someone’s priority, then reach out to me today. Its my passion and purpose to help people like you find their soulmate relationship and thrive in abundance.

 

As Always,

Loving you from here.

 

Stop Existing & Start Living

 

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

Helping dynamite powerful souls like yourself discover love and fulfilment is what my passion is. Over the last two decades I have worked with hundreds of women & men such as yourself to call in their soulmate by aligning to their truth. I have guided countless couples not to just rekindle a love that they thought was lost, but to create an empowered turned on and fully aligned partnership based in love with 8 simple steps. If you are a woman or man who is looking for happiness, love and abundance in life and is sick and tired of just getting by, reach out to me for a FREE Clarity Call today where we will define exactly what is holding you back, what you are wanting to call in and the next best steps to achieve your desired life. Message me to set up your FREE Clarity Call today.

5 Secret Turn-Ons To Seduce A High Quality Man.

 

👊👊🌹5 Secret Turn-Ons To Seduce A High Quality Man🌹👊👊

 

Last night over dinner I looked at my man and asked him,

“What have I done differently than other women that makes you want to commit so deeply and go all in with me?”🤔

 

He responded with, “So much.”

 

And then I began to think about it.

I thought of how just this last week he and I were in Half Price Books looking for Viktor Frankl’s book, Man’s Search for Meaning, when we found ourselves drifting up and down the psychology, spiritual, health, finance and self-growth aisles. Inquiring with each other what we had explored in our past. Having read so many of the same books or similar minds we found ourselves once again connecting and understanding each other’s views and why we mirror one another in so many ways.

 

As I looked at this tiny moment from last week I realized that THIS was just it…

 

👉🤯WE ARE BOTH ATTRACTED TO THE MIRROR.👈😍

 

That mirror being that we match each other on so many levels.

It is far past our attraction to one another’s physical or the chemistry that we certainly have.

 

Our lives have brought us through multiple relationships in our past that taught each of us what we valued and what we did not desire in a partnership. Which is often the case as we emotionally mature through our lives.

 

You see often in relationships we find ourselves calling in the opposite of what we want and we cannot figure out 👉WHY👈?

 

It has to be like this.

As long as we resist doing the inner work and remain emotionally immature, focused on only “me” and being right, a victim to life in essence and not taking responsibility for our emotions and the events in our lives then we MUST call in the opposite of what we desire and want so that we can enhance our clarity and build up our emotional maturity.

 

As we mature in the heart and mind and do the inner work to connect us deeper to our soul we start to find different attributes attractive then what we use too.

 

Beauty changes in our eyes. 🌹

 

The other day when we were walking around the bookstore chatting about our reading history and thoughts on topics, one of the books that popped out on the shelves was, “The Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz.” We have both read it and it bears with it one of the sexiest things a woman can do to turn-on a man and get him to think long term about her.

 

💋💃🔥CONSISTENCY – This really just always comes back to actions match words and you are consistent about what you say, how you think and the way you act.  The majority of people ( male and female) have challenges around this vital ingredient to building a lasting relationship because they suffer from the belief or thinking of:

“I’m not good enough.”

“I’m not likable or lovable.”

THIS very thought process makes it difficult for the majority of people to be, as The Four Agreements puts it, impeccable with their word.

 

👊Yet this single thing is sexy AF when a man or woman portrays it!

 

💋💃🔥BEING A MF GROWN UP! – Adulting has a heck of a lot more to do with how we play with others then with paying bills and holding a job. Although these things are vitally needed as well, in the land of the heart and emotional maturity, adulting has more to do with 👉HOW WE FIGHT👈.

It’s called conflict resolution.

And the vast majority of people operate from the land of, “I am right, you are wrong.” This is all based in ego and again a need to be validated by another in some fashion.

 

👊What’s ever so attractive is a person who can be an actual grown up and listen as well as accept that the other party’s point is true for them.

 

When both parties can do this for each other you can communicate from a higher vibration based in love and a desire to find resolution versus being right and having the other agree that you are right.

 

There is nothing worse than to find yourself in a mis-communication or some form of friction with your partner and have them tell you that YOU are misconstruing things or are wrong in how you remember it, see it or feel about it. This only builds walls between the two of you, not bridges.

 

Being able to see that others’ views and feelings are just where they are and that you can agree to disagree because you are individuals with different  takes is highly seductive and attractive in looking at a lifelong mate.

 

Being a MF Grown Up is NOT about being right and maintaining the friction until the other person caves to your way of seeing or feeling about something. That is not love based nor emotional maturity. Finding resolution in the relationship is however.

 

💋💃🔥 EASY TO BE A ROUND-  No one enjoys being around someone who has a stick up their booty. It’s simple, friendliness, authentic friendliness not that sugar coated fake stuff is a turn-on.

When a person is uptight, anxious, scared of their own shadow and aquard about doing life and relating it reveals the wounds that they have not yet conquered and dealt with.

 

👉The energy we portray says everything about our inner scape.

 

If you are a woman (or a man) who “thinks” they are easy to get along with, has a big heart but no one accepts it, calls yourself friendly but when you are trying to do a relationship you find yourself getting the opposite of what you want and desire?

 

Look no further than the wounds that you bare still and keep coming back too.

 

You know what they are.

It’s what holds your bitterness, your anger, your pity party, your envy and makes you feel insecure.

Want to authentically be friendly and easy going, let go of that high maintenance attitude… then deal with your inner BS.

Until you do this you will continue to feel like no one appreciates your heart and intentions, cares or values what you have to offer. That jaded view will hold you back from fully embracing your confidence, your own self-love and acceptance and  will make your childish attempts at being seductive, attractive and turned-on to life empty and laughable.

 

👊People who authentically smile from within and love life, feel good in their own skin are attractive AF!

 

💋💃🔥BRING JOY NOT DRAMA – #1 desire of men and what the vast majority will put on their dating profile.

“Looking for a drama free woman.”

 

A high quality man (meaning an emotionally mature man) knows that he is not responsible for you emotionally. 🤯🤯🤯

 

And he finds it DAMN Sexy when you get this too!

He is not wanting you to babysit him or mother him and he does not want to have to take care of you in this fashion either.

This is an extreme level of neediness A.K.A High Maintenance that emotionally mature men don’t find attractive.

 

He wants you to know that you are beautiful, powerful, radiant, sexy AF, a queen without him. If he is what validates these things for you then YOU ARE NOT THEM!!!👊

 

And you will jot have joy streaming from your soul.

Drama happens in life.

It happens to all of us.

What a high value man is looking for in a lifelong partnership and love is a woman who does not look at how she can create it but instead how much joy she can bring into life with or without him and this joy for her life also manifests into her making his heart smile by just being her.

 

💋💃🔥HEALTHY LIFESTYLE =SEXY AF! – Anyone who says that the physical does not matter is blowing smoke up your booty. We are all human and our bodies matter and anyone who counts themselves as being self-loving, accepting and high vibe that is not taking care of their temple is full of malarkey, to say the least.

 

👊Healthy eating, exercise, mindset, taking care of self and wanting to look good, feel good is sexy AF!

 

A high value man values this in himself and wants it in his partner as well.

 

Life is always about investment.

And we each get to choose where we invest.

Mumford and Sons has a great song “Awaken My Soul” where they have one of my favorite lyrics, “Where you invest your love, your invest your life.”

 

As with anything, whatever we choose to water grows.

People who choose to invest their love in health of all arenas live longer, are less sickly, have more stmina for life and sex, have healthier moods, live a more harmonic balalnced life and view things from a bigger picture mindset.

 

Those who make up the excuse of “I don’t have the time, energy, money.” DO NOT VALUE themselves nor life and will never hold a mate that values these things.

 

🔥🔥🔥I get turned-on like no other watching my man work out, eat a healthy meal and/or check himself out in the mirror as to how his arms or abs are looking in a shirt. His pleasure and care for himself shows that he values health and reveals itself in ALL other areas as well. 👈🤯🔥

 

So you say that you want 👉High Value Man👈 yet you yourself beautiful are not value the true jewels of life and relationship!🤯

 

You are still getting caught up in the immature focus points that will only ever lead you to more lessons being offered and suffering from them.

 

Become the 💃High Value Woman💃 that mirrors the man you want for and he will be called into your life with ease as if over night.

 

👉Want to learn the full list of secrets to manifesting your soulmate?

👉Ready to stop accepting less than what you are worthy of?

👉Sick and tired of letting your wounds hold back the love, sex, money and joy that you feel is yours in your gut?

 

Helping dynamite powerful souls like yourself discover love and fulfilment is what my passion is. Over the last two decades I have worked with hundreds of women & men such as yourself to call in their soulmate by aligning to their truth. I have guided countless couples not to just rekindle a love that they thought was lost, but to create an empowered turned on and fully aligned partnership based in love with 8 simple steps. If you are a woman or man who is looking for happiness, love and abundance in life and is sick and tired of just getting by, reach out to me for a FREE Clarity Call today where we will define exactly what is holding you back, what you are wanting to call in and the next best steps to achieve your desired life. Message me to set up your FREE Clarity Call today.

 

As Always,

 

Stop Existing & Start Living

 

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

GREAT JOB BEING PRESENT IN THIS SO CALLED RELATIONSHIP, BUT YOUR PRESENCE IS EFFING IT ALL UP.

 

👍GREAT JOB BEING PRESENT IN THIS SO CALLED RELATIONSHIP, BUT YOUR PRESENCE IS EFFING IT ALL UP…👊🤯👊

 

I am sick and tired of hearing about all that matters is your presence in the MF moment.

 

Over and over again, I hear beautiful, soulful, intelligent women talking about all they want is a present, conscious man who gets it.

They speak about how they want this and that. They know that over the course of time they will figure out  if he is really committed to them and emotionally available because it will become clear. And they are somehow strangely okay with the reality that they are going to do what we humans do so well…

 

invest time without reason and get attached.

 

They anticipate that this relationship much like the last one will more than likely cause them pain and suffering, but it is part of the process.

So they just have to bear with it and keep chugging along in hopes that this might be different.

 

After all, if there is love there, they will know it and that love will hold it all together.

Love conquers all. 🥰

 

Well my beautiful, soulful, intelligent woman looking for her soulmate, you could not be further from the truth.

 

😳Love does not conquer all. 🤯

Love like you are viewing it, is not even love.

But love in general cannot conquer incompatibility.

We ladies get caught up in the fantasy world that love is some magical formula that heals everything and makes it all work out someway. But that is truly just a fantasy.

 

And when we women accept or even walk into dating and courting with the idea that we “just need to be present in the moment and it will all work out” we are leaving ourselves wide open for pain and suffering as well as letting ourselves off the hook for what is really needed if we want to develop a soulmate relationship based in authentic love and connection.

 

And that is commitment.

 

Today’s dating world is lacking commitment and I am not speaking about commitment to the person. 🤔🤔🤔

 

I am talking about being committed to the vetting process that dating is.

 

Why are you dating?

Most people, male and female alike, are dating in hopes to find love. To find that “one” person that they want to do life with on all levels till the end of their days.

Yet they date with no commitment to the process of exploring a relationship with this other person let alone entering into a life long partnership with them.

 

And that is why so much casual dating is happening for ALL age brackets these days.

👉👉Neither side wants to commit to the process. 👈👈

 

Ain’t that the sad truth!!!

 

Instead they hope that this “vibe” , this “feeling” , this “mood” that they have is a sign of love.

They call lust, energetic connection.

They get caught up in limerence, infatuated with someone and they think that this is some amazing connection that they are experiencing and so they jump into the deep end of relationship with this other person, hungry for what they have been wanting for.

 

Companionship, connection & sex.

 

Only to find out that this other person was not as far into the pool as they were and might even be a bit crazy, a train wreck, not truthful or just using them for the situation at hand.

 

You see,

when we say, ” I just want to be present in the moment and see where this goes,” or ” Let’s just keep it casual for now and get to know each other.”

What we are saying or accepting here is:

 

😳I am not committed to the process, a fact I cannot even make a commitment. I don’t even want to put that much effort into this thing. I just want companionship, connection and sex with ease. 🤔🤯😳

 

😍But I love you.🥰

 

LOL…

 

That my beautiful, soulful, intelligent woman is NOT love.

 

What is love?

What does it mean when we say, ” I love you.”

 

Well to most people there in today’s world, those words roll off our tongues with far too much ease. They are words that are meant to hold the other in a position that we can make use of until we have decided if we want to explore more or not.

 

That is why so many people intodays dating world keep their daating profiles open, keep opposite sex relationships handy and call them “friends.” We don’t get commitment or love.

 

👉👉👉I love you should mean…

 

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨I am here. I am not caught up on someone else, not my ex or another. I am not looking anywhere else and I am willing and wanting to close the doors to other options.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨You matter to me. You are a valuable, important person to me and in my life and I want to treat you as such.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨WE matter! The you and the me matter, and I value our unity.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨I’ve got your back. No matter what, I will support you. I will not run. I will not hide or turn away. I want to protect you. Protect us. I am making a stand for us. For you.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨I’m not going anywhere. Basically means I am ALL in!

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨I only want you! I am passionate about you. I want to go deeper with you. I am open to you fully. I cannot see past you nor am I looking.

 

Our current dating and relating world does not operate from what love really is.

 

We treat love as though it is only a feeling or some mood.

The reality is that love requires our commitment.

It requires our commitment to the process of discovery of each other without and before we go after the surface level needs and desires of companionship, connection and sex.

 

The majority of relationships today that I see are not based in love or commitment.

People accept friends with benefits, casual relationships and situational unlabeled relationships as some form of actual relationship and even love.

 

But there is zero to no commitment to the relationship.

All either side is wanting to gain from it is companionship, connection and sex.

 

And when they go a little deeper and find themselves married or living together they discover some hard realities that they become shocked by.

 

😳👉👉There is no compatibility.

There is no desire to build a life together that is supportive of each other or a communion of the two.

 

From the very beginning of the courting process,

if you are truly looking for that soulmate…

wanting a lasting love and wanting commitment.

Then you MUST commit to the process of vetting.

And the key to vetting in dating is to ask yourself and your potential partner the right questions.

 

👊Know what you want.

👊Know what you don’t want.

 

Know your values.

Ask their values.

Box check about the important things.

Not the surface level, cover of the book things.

 

Get out of the mind set of egoic love which is based on each person caring only about their needs and what they are getting out of the relationship.

 

Instead  gravitate toward co-creating the relationship and being compassionate in your relating. What can I give in this relationship? How do I see this relationship developing?

 

👊👊👊TIME TO GET REAL!!! 👊👊👊

 

👉Why am I here doing this relationship?

👉What’s my purpose for doing this relationship?

👉Is there an end destination or am I just wanting to enjoy the present moment and go with the flow?

 

Soulmate relationships require your commitment and your desire to tap into who you really are and what you want for your life.

 

If you are just playing around…

then stop effing around and saying you are looking for love but have bad luck with men.

 

It’s your commitment not the men.

 

As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers

 

Helping dynamite powerful souls like yourself discover love and fulfilment is what my passion is. Over the last two decades I have worked with hundreds of women & men such as yourself to call in their soulmate by aligning to their truth. I have guided countless couples not to just rekindle a love that they thought was lost, but to create an empowered turned on and fully aligned partnership based in love with 8 simple steps. If you are a woman or man who is looking for happiness, love and abundance in life and is sick and tired of just getting by, reach out to me for a FREE Clarity Call today where we will define exactly what is holding you back, what you are wanting to call in and the next best steps to achieve your desired life. Message me to set up your FREE Clarity Call today.

HOW TO MAKE YOUR MAN CRAVE YOU FOREVER + COMMIT.

 

HOW TO MAKE YOUR MAN CRAVE YOU FOREVER + COMMIT.

 

My man makes me juicy hot without even trying, but it’s not him. It’s what I do to him to get him to crave me in such a powerful way. 

 

I love when my partner looks at me with a smile of appreciation and desire in his eye. 

The look in his eyes and on his face ignites my soul and makes me feel like a queen. 

His queen. Like the only woman on the planet.

 

I love when my guy walks up from behind me and grabs ahold of my waist, pulls my hair back and kisses my neck. When he breathes me in.

 

I love when he loses his presence in what I am saying or his work because he got caught up in my radiance and his heart and he can do nothing but sit in awe.

 

I love that he messages me how he misses me. 

Did not want to leave for the day.

How he desires forever.

I love how he takes me fiercely in our lovemaking, how he leads in passion and asks for my surrender through him.

 

And I am reminded by all of this and more that when we have found the right person they will meet us and mirror us and when they are not the right partner we will feel used, off balance in some way. 

 

That feeling of coming home. 

Men and women alike crave just that. 

Completion. 

A homecoming that our soul knows can only truly be accomplished in the union with a true partner for our lives. That one that we cannot see past. That we want to make plans for thousands of years because we cannot ever seem to get enough of them.

 

But what stirs the creation of this craving?

What creates a foundation of a feeling of “home” that makes a man want to go deep and commit?

 

I am sure you have heard of the four A’s when it comes to human personality and needs in a relationship, these four A’s however for men are all the more important. 

 

How the A’s Make Your Man Crave and Commit to You: 

 

Attention – This one might seem needy to the modern woman, because we are not attracted to anyone who demands a ton of attention in our busy lives. Who wants to be the center stage character in ALL aspects of our lives. After all we are mothers, boss babes, mompreneurs, sisters, daughters, and besties. We have our obligations to so many, so we want support in our intimate relationship from a strong man who can take care of himself. He needs us, yes, but he doesn’t want us to coddle him.  What I refer to by the word attention doesn’t refer to this emotionally immature man though, I am saying that attention means to be present. Your presence in the relationship is worth gold. When you are together with your man, from the earliest dating moments, give him your undivided attention. Not your phone. Not the world around you. Stay present there with him in your thoughts. Realize that all the men of your past often travel with you into your new relationships, all those that have ever let you down and scorned you are yelling in your ear while you are on this date, in this moment with this great guy. Your fears and concerns, your hopes and desires are all there wanting their time on your mental and emotional stage. To be present with a man means to stay THERE IN THE CURRENT MOMENT with him and him alone. Most people are rarely present because they are worried about past or concerned about the future, add in a social media ding and you my beauty are not present.  – Such a turn off!!!!

 

Affection – Yes human touch! We need conscious (present) touch at least six times a day for mental health. The majority of us don’t get this. We get and give touch, but we don’t actually experience positive touch. Wanted. On both sides. There is a lot of assumed touch. And this armours us up. Men and women alike, making it where we believe that we don’t like it or need it, however even the most resistant man desires affection. A present small gesture can mean the world. I know for me and my relationship, I am always aware as to how my body is turned. Am I turned to my man or not? Is my body language open or closed to him? If I am too far away or something is in the way of our closeness, I move it or myself to get closer. I reach out and touch my man’s foot with mine. My knee to his leg. I grab ahold of his arm with my hand and I firmly let him know that I am there, that I want him in my touch. My touch is far more in your face these days than when we were just starting out, but even back then I looked for opportunities to touch him. And when we hug and kiss, just hold each other (past and present) I take a breath and slow down. I get presents with him when we are coming together. I want him to feel me and I desire to feel him.

 

Appreciation – I have worked with possibly thousands of men at this point in my career and the one thing that so many divorced men have shared with me or men who were in a serious committed relationship in some fashion shared with me about their major disappointments, were centered around the feeling that all their efforts in the relationship and with their woman were not seen or appreciated. They consistently felt like yeah she may have said, “thank you,” but it was mute to what was needed. Appreciation, gratitude for someone thinking about the little things, for wanting to make life better, for working their a*s off, and so much more. One of the things I do with couples frequently is an Appreciation Game where I have each partner share appreciation for a set time frame and the other partner just sits in silence and receives. Take it in. Such a simple exercise, yet we hardly stop in our busy lives to appreciate each other. We think things but we do not communicate them. Taking a moment here and there to acknowledge the good of our partners is a game changer. We take the time all too frequently to tell them what is wrong with them, their errors and our complaints and we believe that our complaining will get us the results we desire, when in truth, if we focus on the good we will encourage more of what we want. It’s all energy baby! Where attention goes, energy flows. 

 

Acceptance – THIS ONE I cannot share enough with all the beautiful ladies in the house. We women really suck at this and we should not. We should get this because what do we women want? To be accepted. We want to be really seen, heard and appreciated for just who we are, not for what we do for someone or how they want us to be. Yet, over and over again we ladies get into commitment with a guy based on the man that we see he can become not who he is. Men want for us women to never change, they fall in love with who we are RIGHT NOW and sometimes that can be unreasonable because life enforces change, it is the one true constant, but if we get into relationship wanting our partner to be something that they are not, then we are saying,” I don’t appreciate who you are, love who you are, accept you as you are. You are not enough as you are but I will settle with the hope that you will become what I want.” – YUCK! Let me just gag myself right now. Granted I have been guilty of this, if I look at my partner today and truly though that I wanted him to be anything other than who he is, I would only be damning my relationship. I would be looking past him to create something else instead of looking at him with a heart full of amazement in how lucky I am, how grateful I am for him being the man that he is RIGHT NOW! I want nothing more, although as our lives evolve and we build our future together we each will change, this is certain. Our growth can only be together though if we each love each other in all our faults and beauty as we are fully in the now, not hoping for change but receiving each other as is. This one thing means the universe to most men. Acceptance. Men in general do not feel accepted in life. Our societal evolution has stolen from the masculine a right of passage, what being a man IS. Our males are lost in our world because they are condemned by their natural primal nature and desires and told that they are not healthy nor good and they have not been provided leadership as to what an emotionally mature man is like. When we queens look at our men with total acceptance and tell them how we see them, feel them and appreciate them, their armoured masculine hearts melt into love.

 

There are many things that make a man crave a woman and want to commit to her. 

These four A’s are paramount however. 

The other major contributing factors to get a man to crave and commit would be: 

 

Respect – The lack of respect is what makes the majority of relationships fall apart and not be able to go the distance. Often things from our past or our current create a disrespect. The only way that we can establish respect when it is not there in some area is to address it head on. If our partner is doing something that hinders our ability to respect them fully then we MUST come out to them about it and request for a behaviour change and share what is coming up for us around it. Remember that each individual in the relationship has a right to ask for what they need in the relationship, once requested it is up to the other as to what they will do with the request and how to best serve themselves and the relationship. No matter what the response is we then are given the option to either accept our partner’s choice or to walk away. If the behaviour change that we are asking to be shifted is non-negotiable to us then we have to understand that and do what is right for us. Thus right for the relationship. The only way we can ever respect another is to first respect ourselves, our boundaries and our needs. 

Emotional Maturity – I have been preaching a lot about this lately because it is vitality important and the reality is that the majority of men and women alike lack emotional maturity. Being an adult in our relationships and in life is sexy AF! In order to become it one must apply daily focus on self-growth, love and evolution. Wanting to take responsibility for their own feelings, emotions, actions and life and understanding how powerful that truly is. 

 

Variety – Can you imagine eating at the same restaurant every day, three times a day for the rest of your life? That sounds like a miserable hamster wheel in my opinion and life gives us enough of the hamster wheel in itself between work, responsibilities, family and such. What we are looking for in partnership and relationship is a feeling of certainty, trust, “home” but also blended nicely with uncertainty. Men love a woman who is willing to invest herself into the relationship and help create variety. This translates to being playful, flirty, and spontaneous. Be willing and wanting to explore new things together both inside and outside the bedroom, even take it upon yourself to initiate something new or set up an adventure date. Don’t always demand that he lead on everything. Men are attracted and appreciative to our creativity and forwardness as well. 

 

Sovereignty – As much as he wants to be your knight in shining armour and save you… he also wants to know that you can carry yourself and have his back all in the same. He adores, respects and craves the woman who takes responsibility for her own happiness, emotions and life but chooses to have him by her side and  build a life together. The right man does not want you to give your power away to him but wants to lift you up so you can fly higher. An emotionally mature man knows that this means that you do not need him to feel worthy, loved or happy and he does not need you for that either. Two complet and strong individuals who have chosen to unite and become stronger in their home with each other. – Now that’s hawt AF!

 

Exude Radiance – Yesterday I was having a  crappy day. I felt pathetic and useless. I did not feel radiant and strong, yet my partner grabbed me in one moment, looked at with his tender loving penetrative look and smiled. I asked what he was smiling at and he responded, “ You are glowing. Even though you are not happy today, you are still glowing.” Radiance is in our energy. It encompasses all of our being and it even shines through on gloomy days. A woman who is truly radiant is so because even on bad days she is aligned to her soul. She accepts and loves herself and knows that all of her and her emotions are perfect. Her heart leads her and her man can see this in her actual energy. Her eyes, smile, hair, walk, the way she moves and breathes. This ignites him at a deep primal level and makes him want her all the more.So stop letting your energy be benign and bland.  REALITY most women don’t radiate, they mask and attempt to create fake shine.

 

Getting a man to crave you and commit truly just means that you have come fully into who you are and aligned to your soul. You trust your heart. You receive yourself in all your messiness and glory. And you are not afraid to say no to any relationship that does not match who you are at your core just to settle for not being alone. 

 

That soulmate man of yours beautiful, he is looking for all the same that you are and if you want him to find you and reveal himself then it is up to you to do the same for yourself first.

As Always, 

Stop Existing & Start Existing

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Helping dynamite powerful women like yourself discover love and fulfilment is what my passion is. Over the last two decades I have worked with hundreds of women such as yourself to call in their soulmate by aligning to their truth. I have guided countless couples not to just rekindle a love that they thought was lost, but to create an empowered turned on and fully aligned partnership based in love with 8 simple steps. If you are a woman who is looking for happiness, love and abundance in life and is sick and tired of just getting by, reach out to me for a FREE Clarity Call today where we will define exactly what is holding you back, what you are wanting to call in and the next best steps to achieve your desired life. Message me to set up your FREE Clarity Call today.

A WOMAN’S WORTH…

A WOMAN’S WORTH…

 

Today I woke feeling pathetic, unworthy, as though I have no value to this thing called life. 

I sat here this morning over breakfast doing the thing that I possibly detest the most…

Telling my partner my fears, sharing my anxiety, telling him how he deserves a better partner, how woeful I felt I was and that life did not want to accept me for me. 

I quickly came up with many ideas as to why I was in this state of being from my hormones to a mid life crisis and everything in between, however as the day progresses and I reach out to my mentor to see what insight she might have for me I come back into terms with that everything is just as it is supposed to be as scared as I might feel in the moment. 

 

You see I am in transition. 

I am dieing. 

I know that in the next year of my existence here on earth that everything that I currently know, everything that I currently am, my business, my home, my relationship, my goals will even be transformed. 

 

I feel like Schrodinger’s cat.

Am I dead?

Am I alive?

IDK. 

 

In the midst of this transition I have lost myself in so many ways. 

And as I lose who I once was in all areas of my life, I stand here questioning what will become of ME? 

 

It is so easy to just lean into what the world tells me I “should” or “need” do and be. 

I have done that for years in different ways, and every time I do, sure I learn, I expand, I have success to some degree, but I never feel that unbounded love and appreciation for my life nor for self unless I basically give the middle finger to what society is telling me and JUST DO ME. 

 

Doing me take courage, however. 

Doing me requires that I look past all my fear and failure. 

Doing me means  that I stop worrying and start trusting at a deeper level than what I can even imagine possible. 

To actually KNOW that I am supported and that everything is going my way even though I don’t think so at this current moment. 

 

The THING that I have come to realize over this time of death and rebirth is that we women face some serious struggles around our worth. 

 

What makes us worthy in today’s world?

I scroll through my social media and I see beautiful, strong, intelligent and talented women leaning in on all their feminine magic of the physical. I see women whose messages are powerful, flaunting a little extra cleavage, doing yoga in their g-strings, taking pictures with sultry eyes in bed and so much more. 

 

I hear other talented brilliant women talking about how they need to get married and have a kid so they can have importance in this world. 

To be taken seriously even. 

I see women, striving to look younger and older, depending on what they perceive as desirable. 

Many women turn toward their pocket books, their savings and investments to prove that they are worthy of something more than what they have. 

 

The house. 

The car. 

The money in the bank. 

The marriage. 

The kids. 

The body. 

How orgasmic she is.

Her youthfulness. 

Her wisdom. 

Her education level. 

What  her career is. 

Where she has traveled.

What she does for her community and church or family.

 

These things are ALL what we women of today strive to be 1000% in. 

And somehow we try to do it alone. 

We believe that it is up to us. 

That we have to make it happen or we are pathetic if any of it does not come to fruition. 

And I mean A-L-L of it!

 

The “reality” is that no one can do it all and be successful 100% of the time on 100% of the damn thing that this world’s current society puts into our playfield and tells us that we must get right, do right, be successful in and have. 

 

That’s the most important thing, HAVE.

And that is what our worthiness is based on, what we have or not.

 

We translate this idea of worthiness over to value. 

And we are lacking in any area of our lives, or if we are not top our game, showing up like the bada*s babe that we want to be, we condemn ourselves in some fashion or form. 

We totally forget about the things that matter. 

We forget to appreciate all that we have done and survived in life. 

We forget that we are imperfectly perfect and always a work in progress, AND that, that is okay. 

When we are down on our luck, in a bad mood, wrapped up in victim consciousness, feeling as defeated and lost and as though the most value we provide is to be an ATM machine to our kids and maid (mind you we may be sucking at that too in the moment), that those pampered little brats are here because of our strong AF vajayjay’s and determination. 

 

We went through excruciating pain to bring that pain in the a*s brat into this world.  

 

We forget that the man who may look at us and wonder, “why is she so moody and grumpy, not in the mood today,” is laying in our bed because we made him feel like king of the MF world somewhere along the line and he values our smile, our strength, our loving eyes, and our emotions that tap him into his own inner realms that he can’t access without our tender feminine heart. 

 

We forget that our compassion and ability to  feel in this life is a blessing to all those who entrust us with their fear, suffering, hope, dreams and more. 

 

That our wisdom that comes from deep within, the intuition that we have no reason for, but just know is a gift from spirit. For all of time, the feminine has been considered closer to God, more aligned and open to spirit and the universe than the masculine. So why do we question ourselves today?

 

We women are magical. 

We are powerful. 

We are ONE with the universe. 

But we choose to deny our alignment. 

We turn away from all that is natural and designed for us in an attempt to be masculine and bare all the burdens of such. 

 

No wonder we have a society of beautiful, powerful, intelligent and wise women lost in who they are and what they offer this thing called life. 

 

For where our worth lies….

We do not value ourselves.

 

And until we do…

We will remain lost and always aiming to please the world that  we live in instead of who we are.

 

It’s time my beautiful AF bada*s woman to won your value and worth and know who you really are at a deep soul level. 

 

You have all the answers for your happy ever after. 

You just have to trust that you are supported by who you were born to be. 

 

YOU.

 

As Always, 

Stop Existing & Start Existing

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Helping dynamite powerful women like yourself discover love and fulfilment is what my passion is. Over the last two decades I have worked with hundreds of women such as yourself to call in their soulmate by aligning to their truth. I have guided countless couples not to just rekindle a love that they thought was lost, but to create an empowered turned on and fully aligned partnership based in love with 8 simple steps. If you are a woman who is looking for happiness, love and abundance in life and is sick and tired of just getting by, reach out to me for a FREE Clarity Call today where we will define exactly what is holding you back, what you are wanting to call in and the next best steps to achieve your desired life. Message me to set up your FREE Clarity Call today. 

 

6 THINGS THAT CREATES COMMITMENT AND MAKES YOU ATTRACTIIVE AF TO MEN.

6 THINGS THAT CREATES COMMITMENT AND MAKES YOU ATTRACTIVE AF TO MEN.
My friend says to me, “Men just don’t want me the way they want you. I see the way he looks at you in such love and desire and I hear his commitment to you. I want to be that woman that commands a man’s adoration and commitment, but I am not. I am just a plaything to men.”
For years I have had clients and friends watch my romantic relationship, my dating game and now they see my partnership and how my man looks at me, desires me and appreciates me as well as our commitment to each other and they want to know why it is possible? What am I doing that attracts, opens and commits a man in this way? I recall one female client many years back sitting down at her consult, clenching her hands and looking at me full of anxiety as she spouted out, “Teach me to be like you.”
Through the years I have inquired with men about what it is that attracts them, what they are wanting in a relationship and what makes a woman worth commitment instead of just being a plaything?
What I have discovered is pretty amazing.
Men don’t want much….lol
Playful, flirty, sexy but not slutty, nurturing but not controlling, independant, confident, emotionally mature, good chemistry, shared values, and a blendable lifestyle.
But don’t we women want the same in truth?
When we look at dating which should lead us to relationship and then to partnership of some sort or another we often get caught up in chemistry. We base our connection just on this factor and we dismiss how important all these other factor are yet for us women, when we want to not be perceived just as a one night stand or something that is fleeting to a man we need to get very clear on how we are presenting ourselves and how strong in who we are and knowing ourselves. I watch women of all ages panic if they are sexy or not and they struggle with what sexy is, how to become it forgetting that true sexiness is founded in self-love, acceptance and confidence in your own skin. It has absolutely nothing to do with how much skin you are showing, how you bat your eyes or twirl your hair, pop your booty out or how much make up you wear, let alone what you say or your tone. Although these things, when done by a woman who knows herself and appreciates her own beauty and body without the need to have confirmation from any outside source certainly are arousing. But here is the thing about sexiness and what men adore. Men love watching a woman feel good in her own skin. That is why men love “giving women pleasure,” it’s a beautiful sight to just see the authentic state of pleasure. It’s captivating.
So what a man is idealing wanting is a woman who loves herself and is confident.
Confidence and self-love and acceptance support not only our sexiness, but also support our ability to be playful, light hearted and flirty in relationship and life without any of it coming across forced.
Which sadly is the main issue that so many women have.
A forced demeanor.
A forced image.
They are scared to be playful or simply don’t even know what playful or flirty mean or how to become it naturally, just like they don’t understand what sexiness is or confidence let alone being independent.
Women today believe that being confident and independent means they have to prove they don’t need a man. They have to show how strong they are on their own, which leads them to make statements like, “ I don’t like a needy man who wants to text or talk all the time.” or “ I want to enjoy a relationship with a man but he better respect that I have my work, business or kids that come first.” Drawing a line in the sand from the earliest of moments to make it clear that he will only get “this allotted space” in her life and no more, all the while wondering why the man will not commit or take her seriously. This form of confidence and independence leves zero room for relationship and what women don’t get about men is that at their very core they want and need to be needed. Valued. For all of time until recent years, men have always proven themselves worthy of a woman by providing value. It is difficult for a man to believe that a woman just wanting him will last long term, so he must have something more stable to commit to which is his value or purpose. Today’s men struggle with value and purpose in their lives and especially in relationships. So a woman who can be confident and independent but still chooses to need a man and value him instantly gains attraction and commitment from him. Blend this with a playful attitude and ability to be flirty with her man, builds a strong sexiness that is uncompromisable.
An emotionally mature man who has done his own inner work wants a woman who is there for him in many ways. He wants to know that she has his back just like he has hers, meaning that she can be nurturing without enabling his bad habits. He does not desire to be controlled nor controlled in the relationship but to have mutual respect and support in the relationship. This shows up through an early ability to show empathy in the relationship. Not the sort of empathy that you may think where you get overly caught up in how someone else feels, but more so about the fact that you care how they are feeling and how you, yourself are feeling which leads to communication, inquiry and transparency.
For a man to want to commit and have an unwavering attraction for a woman, he needs to know she is vulnerable and able to surrender to him and the relationship. Sure he wants the hot sex and intimacy that comes from it, the surrender that a woman can give in it but even more so he is looking for this feeling of trust and shared goals or vision that only comes forth when he identifies that they have similar values, can see that their lifestyles can blend well, and that he can trust her to invest her heart, soul, mind and time into the relationship by being a woman of her word. Backing her words with action, being consistent in who she reveals herself to be and what her ideas are and not hiding. A man who is looking for commitment wants transparency and consistency so that he can be certain in his decision of “she is the one.”
We women tend to get triggered by old wounds and relationships, allow our fear and negative self-talk to run amuck therefore we appear flighty, uncertain, unaware, manipulative and insecure often. Leading us back to the forced ways and attempting to be what we perceive as sexy, playful, flirty, confident and independent. Making agreements with men that are not truly in alignment with us out of fear of losing yet another “great guy” because we are not good enough.
The exciting truth is that all we women ever have to do to become worthy of a committed and loving man is to fall in love with ourselves and accept who we are. Do the inner work required to truly get right with ourselves and know our core, then come from this place to embody our own organic sexy feminine.
Want to learn the secrets of becoming a seductress to call in your soulmate?
Are you tired of thinking your relationship with a guy is going really great only to have him grow cold and distant overnight and ghost you?
Tired of the endless cycle of heartbreak and questioning why you cannot find a man who is trustworthy and committed?
That’s what I helped countless beautiful women such as yourself do over the last almost two decades. Find their soulmate!
And it’s now your time, don’t you agree?
Reach out to me in comments or private message now about my 6-weeks to Soulmate Love Private Mentoring Summer 2021 Sesh and get $500 off with code word RESPECT.
AS Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

UNICORN & SNOWFLAKE MEN – WHAT WOMEN THEY WANT, BUT WON’T RESPECT.

 

UNICORN & SNOWFLAKE MEN – WHAT WOMEN THINK THEY WANT, BUT WON’T RESPECT.

 

And that is what it all comes down to. 

RESPECT.

Maybe I am a bad, bad, girl who just is not consciousness enough or done as deep of a dive as I need into my own inner work to be able to respect, surrender and thus really unite in love with one of these sacred space holding, cacao ceremony, “spiritual” dudes who is what we can call the modern gentlemen. 

The nice guy. 

The guy that “respects” (by kissing her booty and letting her be the man) a woman and let’s her be powerful because he knows that we are all equal. 

 

Lordy, let’s just f-cking get real here. 

Ladies and unicorn snowflake, woke divine masculine men….

WE ARE NOT ALL EQUAL!

 

Women are powerful. 

And should be accepted as such. 

But men are powerful too…

And should be accepted as such. 

However, we are powerful in different ways.

Think ying/yang.

 

Today’s world is emasculating men.

 

And men are not happy or healthy because of this depolarization. 

Women are far from happy and emotionally drained because of it. 

 

Yesterday I wrote some on this topic, focused on how we women want a sensitive man but only sensitive to what we want him to be. This epidemic of conscious, woke, divine real men that is turning our men into something that we women cannot respect nor trust. Which stirred quite the convo between my man and I.  This morning while brushing our teeth and getting ready for the day he looks at me and says, “You know I just recently learned that women like you want a masculine man. I have looked at what I see as a strong woman and been frustrated. Believing that a strong, conscious woman who knows herself appears to want one of these unicorn “woke” men who always smiles, has the right things to say and keeps his masculine primal at bay. I can do the yoga. I can meditate. I can do my own inner work. I can be conscious. But I cannot put down my primal instinct and I did not believe that I could be my primal self and have my warrior queen, too.”

 

Linda Liv Doktar, I guess was in the same mood as myself yesterday, because my guy then asked me, “did you see what Linda posted?”

 

Nope, I was caught up with my private clients yesterday and some self-care things, plus rushing back to my man. 

Well, I read Linda’s post and I was laughing while saying, “Yes! – Yes! -Yes!”

A woman who desires a primal man. 

Gets what is required for us powerful warrior queens who are always turned on, activated in life, hustling in our self-made success stories and keeping harmony and balance to our full and thriving lives. That sort of woman cannot hang with the blokes who want to kiss our a*ses. 

 

My sun rises and sets in my man’s hands because he is not afraid to man-handle me. 

Meaning he knows how to stand in my fire. 

He knows how to lead me. 

He is not fearful of me. 

He let’s me feel him fully in his energy, his thoughts, his feelings. 

And of course in the bedroom.

He does not hide his primal, protective, fierce nature from me. 

ANYWHERE.

And that makes me weak in the knees. 

Much like Linda said in her share, “I want to be dominated and told what to do.” 

Matter a fact, I need that for my own well-being and ability to surrender my deepest self to life and to my man. A woman simply cannot surrender her deepest self however to a man that is wishy washy, wearing the best societal mask of the moment and trying to say all the “right” things. I need to know that I can trust my man to be honest with me. 

I need to see that he is not afraid to take initiative and set a direction. 

I need to know that he trusts his own words and actions. 

And I require a man who knows how to dominate me in his love, protection, primal energy and leadership. 

 

So he better f-cking know who he is and where he is going in life. 

Or I will not follow. 

I will not respect. 

I will not trust.

And he will not hold my heart. 

 

I have been in all too many relationships with these men who are “woke” who are “sensitive to the feminine” and that’s as far as they made it with me. 

 

Some sort of relationship. 

I also felt the need to set them in their place about the reality that they would NEVER have a partnership with me.

 

I knew from the first moments that I could not respect them to the level required for me to become their life partner and give myself over to them. I could not trust their “sweet” ways to hold me safe and lead with certainty. I knew I could drop them to their knees with my own dominance and make them crumble if I wanted. 

 

That’s not leadership. 

And you know what?

In studies it has been shown that 74% of men would rather be alone in their lives instead of feeling disrespected. 

 

This is because to a man, a primal man who is on purpose and is not fearful of his own energy or his woman, he views respect and love as equal. They are the same and you cannot have one without the other. 

 

THIS is why men are so powerfully attracted to some women, will do anything for these women, and commit to her fully. When a woman knows how to trigger feelings of respect and admiration in her man, he will surrender his heart to her.

 

So many women however, have no clue how to make use of the principle of respect to create this unfair advantage in making themselves irresistibly attractive and commitment worthy to the right men.

 

Thus creating the space for repetitive heartbreak and suffering when it comes to love. 

Now I could go on and on about this topic, and most likely will keep writing on it over time, but for today let me be very clear with you lovies….

 

If you are a woman who wants to feel safe in her relationship. 

Wants to stop questioning if her guy is really into her or if he loves you.

Wants to know that he wants and will commit to you.

Wants to rope the moon for you as well as ravish you in every way you desire. 

And wants to stop your fear of when he will leave…

 

Then hear me now…

 

Get the consulting needed on the fine art of respect. 

Through respect we women can seduce, open and commit the right man to us. 

He will not be the man that is depolarized to be more feminine than masculine. 

You will have to actually want his masculine and see how you as a strong woman who is always taking care of business needs his strength to get you out of your head and fully embodied into who you are in heart, soul and sex. But once you get a taste of the yumminess of what this primal masculine does for you and how he supports with his rock solid love, respect and honor of not just you, but himself and the partnership you will scratch your head in bewilderment of why you chose to spend all those years ditzing around with men who have no clue how to lead the feminine. 

 

And are not worthy of your warrior queen heart and soul. 

 

Want to learn the secrets of becoming a seductress through learning the art of respect with a primal man?

 

Are you tired of thinking your relationship with a guy is going really great only to have him grow cold and distant overnight and ghost you?

 

Tired of the endless cycle of heartbreak and questioning why you cannot find a man who is trustworthy and committed?

 

That’s what I helped countless beautiful women such as yourself do over the last almost two decades. Find their soulmate!

And it’s now your time, don’t you agree?

Reach out to me in comments or private message now about my 6-weeks to Soulmate Love Private Mentoring Summer 2021 Sesh and get $500 off with code word RESPECT.

 

As Always, 

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”