I WANT TO NEED HIM.
This is a statement that a woman made to me as we were speaking about her couple-hood.
As I listened to her tale of desire to want to need her man,
that she believed that this is the way that we were designed,
and that so much of our discontent in relationships and life as well as not knowing ourselves comes from this very belief that we women “should not” need men.
That we are just as good and can balance life without a significant other, I thought to myself,
SHE IS ABSOLUTELY CORRECT.
Women have burdened themselves with the disease of believing that we don’t need men, that it is a sign of weakness. That we are lower than human if we rely on our male counterparts. Or that if we are relying on them that we are selling ourselves for a lifestyle, for safety.
And so many women do, do just this.
They settle into relationships not for soul union, not for love, but for comfort and safety. They look at the man’s resume, not his heart.
These women are indeed selling themselves.
They are becoming slaves to a lifestyle and a comfort.
They are not acting from soul or love.
And to them I could write a million lines,
but today I am addressing the women who are afraid of being perceived this way.
So much so, that they armour themselves from beautiful relationships, they fight to be seen strong at all cost, they feel weak at the thought of receiving help from their man. They do not know how to be supported by the masculine.
I am one of these women.
So I share from the depths of my feminine heart on this topic.
I am one of those women that has a ridiculous time receiving from my man. I have learned through the years to allow him to open doors, to help grab the groceries, to let him help me in house and home. I have gotten over him not cumming every time we make love or him focusing all his attention on my pleasure and not receiving physically in times.
I have learned that his pleasure sometimes is all about my receiving in our sexual union.
I have learned that he loves to witness me in rapture.
That he feels great pleasure and satisfaction in my bliss.
In what he gives to me.
But, when it comes to money.
When it comes to bills.
When it comes to buying the groceries.
Even if it is a trinket that I have my eye on and he asks me, do you want that? He is ready to purchase it for me. He wants to bring me pleasure. He wants to see me adorned. He wants my happiness.
I know this. But I feel like I am taking from him.
That I should not need this.
That it is not okay.
That he will perceive me as a woman who is there for the financial support.
And I am scared to lean on him.
I am scared that he will see me as weak.
That my heart and love will be missed some how,
that my truth that I have only eyes and desire for him will be washed over in some way because he has “helped” me.
When in truth, it is not even him helping me.
It is a union.
It is a team.
It is US, supporting the whole together.
And it is my pride that stands in the way of the full union.
It is my pride that screams that I should not need him, all the while my soul feels just like the woman above.
I WANT TO NEED HIM.
Because I DO!
I need his strong masculine guidance.
I need his looks of love and adoration.
I need his tenderness.
I need his touch.
I need his heart.
I need him to need me.
And I do not look at him as though he is weak for wanting me.
Or for needing me.
I know that he needs my feminine heart,
my emotions and touch.
He needs to see my rapture and my tears so he can fully feel who he is at his depth as well.
I know that he wants to need me.
We both have lived without each other just fine.
We both have been more than capable of living life and supporting our loved ones, building lives, businesses and we could easily choose to continue to do just that.
But the union of the masculine and the feminine when done by soul, is a union of desire to be together because together we are stronger.
Together we feel more.
We heal deeper.
We expand fully.
It’s not about money or security.
Although together we thrive all the more as well.
It’s not about weakness in coming together.
It’s uncomfortable in truth to be vulnerable and wide open with someone. To have no hold backs.
To feel as though there are no barriers,
nothing you do not want seen or felt.
To want to be witnessed at the deepest levels by your mate,
is uncomfortable AF!
There is no hiding here.
And we women, hold back from needing our men deeply,
and wanting to need them,
we in turn tell God/Universe that we don’t need them either.
It’s hypocritical of us women to say that we are these brilliant life givers, thus manifestors, creators, powerhouses and to know that we are vessels born to receive and then say NO to receiving because we deem it a weakness because it comes from our man.
How are we to ever fully become our greatest selves if we consistently deny our receiving, our pleasure, support, love from the great masculine?
No wonder we women are lost.
No wonder so many of us are bitter, non-orgasmic, always choose the wrong man who lets us down.
We should expect all of this and know that we have set ourselves up for suffering in love,
To never feel fully loved or cherished because we are not cherishing ourselves.
It is through our ability to lean into the masculine, to open our hearts and put down our armour with a man that holds us close and wants to need us as well, who gets that he is our king, our knight, our protector and great lover. That through his honor and ability to carry us deeper into ourselves that we find ourselves.
It is my belief, and a belief that “just might” be backed by a few spiritual scriptures and structures out there as well, that we are meant to support each other. The equal yoking of the masculine and feminine.
THE DESIRE TO BE ROMANCED LIES DEEP IN THE HEART OF EVERY WOMAN.
IT IS FOR SUCH THAT YOU WERE MADE.
I love this quote by John Eldredge.
However, for us to have that desire manifest, we women must open ourselves to God first,
We must learn to listen to our hearts, our soul, our intuition. We must then open ourselves and lay down the shields and swords of our wounded little girls and let the conscious masculine hold us.
See us fully.
We must be open to needing him.
And we must want to need him.
It is only through our wanting,
And our understanding that, that wanting is not a weakness but a powerful space of abundance, flow and love,
That we gain the opportunity to experience true soul union.
Our union with our man mirrors our union with the divine, with God.
The trust we show our mate,
We captivate our men for a reason.
It is because through us he feels life.
And we are lifted by his true heart and desire to serve us.
So if you are a woman like myself who struggles with receiving from the masculine,
If you feel weak or like you will be misperceived in your wanting of his support, his love, his attention, look no further than your heart.
Ask your truth there.
And see him as God.
Wanting your rapture in all of life.
Stop Existing & Start Living
WE ARE THE ONLY SPECIES THAT WANTS TO GO AGAINST OUR BIOLOGY.
Well, mostly we women that is.
Guys will claim THIS, but somewhere inside they get it is not so, they know that they claim it to just keep that doorway there,
where we women tend to want to disregard, ignore and act as though we are above our biology.
It was not that long ago that I was one of these women myself.
I thought that I could manage it.
I truly believed that I could have the relationship and it just be what I was calling it and that both parties were feeling the same way.
I believed that we were elevated in consciousness to the level that sexual desire did not play a role and that I could seriously “just be friends” with my male friends and that they were down for it just being that and even wanted just that.
THEN I came into the awareness that most if not all of my male friends were actually attracted to me and that if given the opportunity would happily walk through the door of a sexual encounter with me. So I justified the friendship by saying that they respected me and my wishes and that it was manageable.
I came to terms, with if a guy was hanging out in my life as a friend of some nature that he most likely wanted to bed me and I then believed that that was just the way it was and I had to accept it, but could still have the friendships, just needed to be aware.
After all, I am one of those women who has never not had a male friendship since I was 2 – years old.
I have had far more “good” friendships with men than with women over the course of my life.
The thought of giving up my male friendships pained me.
Feeling as though I would have no one left in my true friendship circle if I dumped the guys.
Then I had a few conversations with my son’s who are grown and almost grown, with some of these male friends, with male clients and even with my man.
Their shares can be summed up here,
“Why would I hang out with a female if I was not attracted to her? If I wanted to hang out for all the reasons we guys hang out and do what we guys do, then I would certainly choose to hang out with a guy friend, not a female.”
They all came back with, if they were hanging with a female there were desires to be with her intimately.
And I started to really allow myself to feel this.
To get right with male/female relating.
I looked at my conversations, my shared moments with the majority of my male friends and saw the intimateness.
Sure there was no sex, there was no kissing or intimate touch, but we certainly did share intimacy. Only the kind of intimacy that you can get from the opposite sex.
There was even a flirtiness at times.
Beautiful as it is, it is ground that is not stable.
And no matter how respectful and loyal a male friend can be to us women, if given the opportunity to have a door crack open and him get a chance to be with us, he will.
Meaning that if you are a committed woman, in any label of relationship out there (and I have been under a few labels over the course of the last two decades) that if you are pissed, upset, feeling disconnected in any fashion or form with YOUR MAN, and you share confidence with a male friend, know that you are cracking a door open.
If you are a single woman and you have guy friends,
and believe that they can maintain without issues,
understand first you are almost being cruel to the men in your life,
because without realizing it you are teasing them.
Yes just by being you.
Just by doing you.
If you want to be taken on dates,
experience the male energy,
etc. then perhaps looking at doing just that is the answer.
GO ON A DATE.
And realize that often the best romantic and intimate relationships are based in friendship.
The fact that you think of a man as a good friend,
If you have a trust, a vulnerability there, a fun playfulness with your male friend and you are both open to a relationship that is of more than your pseudo friendship, then maybe the universe has already blessed you with a wonderful man to explore in a romantic fashion.
If you are good with just “managing” these male relationships and keeping them at bay in some fashion, ask yourself:
💃 What am I really gaining from this friendship or looking for with it if I know that he wants me sexually but is just holding back because of what I have stated the boundaries are?
💃 How can this male friendship impact (positively /negatively) an intimate relationship I am in or want to be in?
💃 If I was in an intimate relationship with someone and they were having deep conversations, moments and connections of a vulnerable/intimate yet non-sexual version with another woman frequently what sort of impact would that have on the relationship? Emotionally? Physically?Energetically?
💃 What does significant other or primary relationship mean to me and how does opposite sex relationships outside of this hinder or support?
Now, I know what you might be feeling.
You may say, that is such an emotionally immature way of looking at relationships.
You may say that a “conscious man” is above this.
You may say that there is zero harm from being flirty with your male friends, no matter if you are in a romantic relationship or not with someone else.
You may actually believe and point to lifelong friendships that have never let you down and you are certain that they are “just a brother” to you.
I have thought all of this.
I have believed all of this.
And repeatedly been blown out of the water from these.
We cannot deny our biology.
Men are men.
Women are women.
And we relate differently.
We bond differently.
Men love boobs, booty, legs, hair, our eyes and are wanting to explore us inside and out.
They will smile, chat it up, be helpful and drive from a state away to to show us how much they want to give us their attention.
They will support us in the worst of times.
They will applaud us in the best of times.
And they mean it.
But they still want the woman that stands before them.
They would not be putting their attention on us if they did not desire us in some fashion.
This is why so many men fall in the face of a woman’s attention.
Wars have been based, fought and won for the chance to be with a woman.
It’s just biology.
We women need to get right with it and stop being silly,
thinking that it’s harmless however.
Time to level up your relating.
Stop Existing & Start Believing
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Ready to claim your life back from suffering, fear, doubt and misfortune? Ready to call in the love relationship you desire. The abundance you crave for and the joy you know can be yours.
This Is what I have worked with thousands of people like yourself to have over the last two decades. Reach out to me today.
👉👉👉CAN A MAN BE THE BEST WEIGHT MANAGEMENT SYSTEM, SLEEP AGENT AND STRESS REDUCER OUT THERE?
The right man certainly can be.🤯
Today I speak to all the 👑queens out there who look in the mirror, do those little sidewards poses sucking in your tummies, checkin’ out how the booty looks in those pants, if the “girls” are perky looking today or if you need to grab the extra support bra. How your eyes look. Are you needing extra concealer, are the lines, soft wrinkles and exhaustion from life showing up to boldly or…💃💃💃
Today I am sharing a revelation with you that I have witnessed over the course of time in different ways in my own personal life and with friends and clients alike.
But when I tell you that from a VERY personal and real level, I have never been through such a beautiful transformation as the one that I am in currently in and it all stems from the love of the right man. Now, don’t get me wrong here…
it’s not actually his action of love that is doing anything.
Its not a massive amount of sex.
It’s not really anything other than I can put down all my armour with him and surrender.
Did you catch that big scary word that most queens do not like to speak outloud?
Lay down our armour?🦸♀️
Put down the shields and sword?⚔️
Trust the MF masculine?
I know, I have gone off the deep end for some of you ladies out there. In todays time when we women are able to be self-sufficent and not need relationship, just have the sex we want, when we want and live our lives without the bartering with a man, the concept of surrendering to the masculine seems shear ludicrous and crazy.
I get it.
But are you fulfilled?
Sure you may believe that you are.
You got the career, the kids, the house, the money, the “freedom” but where do you allow yourself to be held?
Where do you allow your softness as the feminine to be revealed?
And if you are a coupled queen, do you truly let your king shine as a man or do you constantly overthrow his throne with your fear of being controlled by him?
Do you in essence cuckold your man?😲🤔🤯
You “give him sex” but you do not actually receive him or let him receive you?
Coupled or single,
What we desire in a relationship on both sides of the coin is connection.
Put simply connection DOES NOT come from two physical bodies engaging in sex or physical touch.
Connection comes from emotional bonding and trust.
Connection comes from being able to embody one’s self with deep presence and thus can actually feel at an emotional and energetic level their partner.
They are willing to reveal themselves fully.
They are willing to be seen authentically.
They are willing to be naked in every way with their lover.
These things can NEVER be achieved with our armour up.
These things cannot happen without surrender from our deepest heart center with our lover.
And as long as we choose to uphold that emotional/energetic armour in our sexing, in our relationships, with our intimacy we will also bear the effects of the armour which are actual weight of the physical body.
Stress of the mind.
Emotional overload and imbalances.
We will not be able to lay our heads down and truly rest.
Because the weight of life,
the guarding of our hearts,
and the exhaustion of us “acting out a role for survival” will only create restlessness of our souls.
When we enter a soulmate relationship,
a union with our true significant other we have zero desire to hold onto our swords and weapons. We do not want barriers to our heart.
👊👊👊We want UNION.
Zero space between.
And when we truly enter a relationship of this divine nature we also reap the rewards here in the physical if we are willing to surrender to this sort of depth and authentic connection in love.
WE STAND NAKED IN EVERY WAY BEFORE OUR SOULMATE.
And here we find our truest freedom.
Our most unbound love.
We discover who we really are,
and we open ourselves to him.
And he as a heart centered man,
strong in his masculine and purpose driven in his life understands that the way he penetrates your heart as his queen is also how he penetrates his world.
He must lean fully into your gates in love and trust of the feminine or he his lack of surrender will be felt and you will not be able to trust him.
However you my dear queen must remember that it is a two way street ALWAYS.
If you as a woman refuse to trust yourself,
if you refuse to get out of your mind space,
If you refuse to speak your truth,
if you refuse to take responsibility for your emotions, your orgasms, your choices, your triggers and your fear,
then he cannot lean into your gates in trust.
A king cannot lead his queen to the most delicious moments of connection and intimacy if his queen does not respect him in his masculine. And a queen can never respect a king who does not know whom he is and who has healthy boundaries and a stable heart center.
So can a man be the best weight management system, sleep agent and stress reducer out there?
Yes the right man certainly can.
The right man + the right woman can conquer their world together.
They will thrive and live unbound in their love.
They will be healthy physically, emotionally, sexually, financially and spiritually.
Unfortunately it is my opinion from my over two decades of working with couples that the harsh reality is that about 85% of unions are not soul based but need based.
And it shows my dear queen in your face.
In your eyes.
In your body.
In how you speak of yourself.
In how you show up in your life.
I love you beautiful.
You are worthy of a king that is worthy of you.
But you have to first want to find him and then be willing to lay down your armour.
Loving you from 18 pounds lighter, radiance in my face and eyes, a good night’s sleep in my mans arms and lovin’ the skin I am in with a surrendered heart to my King 👑
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Queens let’s chat about getting you back into your rightful throne.
Based in that beautiful heart center, let me show you the steps to putting down the armour with your soulmate or how to call in your soulmate if that’s where you are at and how to fully become embodied in love and orgasm today.
FAR FROM F-CKING PERFECT.
That’s what I am.
And no matter where one goes,
There one still is.
That’s the life lesson we all need to learn.
Funny how we want to hide and mask who we are. We want to put under cover our imperfections or ride on the coat tails of those things that truly don’t make us who we are.
We want to flaunt our genius and our trauma.
In hopes that others will think grander of what we have overcome, when in truth the most powerful soul aligned and beautiful thing we can ever do is surrender to our perfectly imperfect humanness.
That surrender is shown with our ability to laugh and let go of all our needs of acting like we got it all goin’ on and perfect.
As though we have no troubles,
We have no doubts.
We have life figured out.
As though we know ourselves when the last thing we ever reveal is truth in who we are.
The soul that let’s the ego stand embarrassed is a soul on fire with self-love.
If you are anything like me,
You may find yourself looking in the mirror,
Your life choices.
You may make excuses and call bullsh*t on yourself all in the same moment.
You may sit with your lover and wonder what they see in you.
Why are they still hanging out?
And in the same feel ever so grateful for the unconditional deep love they bring you into.
You may find yourself not wanting to mess up in life.
You may be super self critical and know that there is so much more that you could be and should be doing, hoping that no one discovers just how human you really are.
How far from f-cking perfect you actually reside.
Oh but baby,
You know what is beautiful beyond measure?
You know what show’s courage and strength like no other?
Taking the mask down.
Allowing yourself to see all those imperfections and loving yourself all the more.
Letting joy and play bless your life,
Knowing that when you truly connect,
Armour down with those you love,
That this is soul alignment.
That feeling of beauty that washes through you.
That feeling of happiness that shows itself upon your face.
That feeling of love that fills your heart.
That is truly who you are,
When you stand revealed in authenticity.
That is your soul aligned.
That is your truth.
And when you hide and run from what you deem imperfections, flaws and weakness you hide from YOU.
You hide from your strength.
And you stand in armour before those you love.
So go now,
Look in the mirror of self-criticism and hatred,
Smile into those beautiful eyes of yours,
Run your hands across that body in gratitude for the temple that it is and all that it allows you to experience.
Stand there and speak up your life.
Speak up your heart.
Speak up your truth,
And laugh at all those human imperfections.
You are beautiful beyond measure.
In love from my f-cking imperfect temple to yours,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers “
OUR TRUST IS BUILT ON THE FOUNDATION OF TRUTH…
But is that true?
We would like to believe that it is just this way,
however if we are honest with ourselves there is something that is so much more rare, more important and powerful in letting us know that we can trust someone…
All relationships need trust in order to be successful.
For us to open to love fully,
to surrender our deepest hearts to another,
to open our bodies to pleasure with our mate,
or to reveal our pain,
we must have TRUST.
Through the course of time and engagement with different people in different relationships we learn that trust is hard to have.
We discover that many people all though they “think” themselves trustworthy, believe that they are worthy of being trusted and that their actions and words support that more than often it is not so.
More frequently then not we learn that those that we trust in are acting from a self-centered aspect only giving of themselves and speaking out of a desire to receive and therefore will make themselves into anything needed to be perceived as steadfast and true.
But a person who does not know themselves,
who is not able to be true to their own thoughts, feelings and needs and is willing to “pretend” or mask is a person that is far from trustworthy.
Only when we can stand firm in self,
uneeding of anyone else to affirm to us that we are good, loveable, worthy, trustworthy, etc. can we be true to someone else.
And that is what we are wanting in our relationships.
Especially in our most intimate primary love relationships.
We want to know that our partner is true.
We want to know that if the sh*t were to hit the fan that they are there for us, no matter.
We want to know that they have our backs in battle and in love.
We want to know that even if they do not agree with us that they value the relationship more than they value being right or making a point.
We want ROCK SOLID.
And rock solid comes from unshakable trust in each other.
Trust is established, built and supported not by truth but by support of each other despite opinions, beliefs and even truth.
Trust must come from a harmony of knowing that we are supported fully but also that our partner will be honest with us.
Meaning that they will always share their feelings and thoughts around things no matter how different or challenging, but will not allow for those feelings and thoughts to take center stage and offset the unity and foundation of the relationship.
There must be an understanding that there is a difference between truth and honesty.
Truth is subject to one’s own perception and experiences and then made into a fact unless scientifically revealed. Even our own truth in history is subject to opinion and written by those who conquered for the most part. Often truth is based in a need to be right or to set something straight.
Where honesty, although still subject to one’s own perceptions and experience is a sharing of our core views, beliefs and feelings. True honesty is based on surrender and trust of being received.
OUR TRUST IS BUILT ON SUPPORT.
If you know that you cannot fall, how far can you go in life?
What sort of life challenges can you overcome?
If you know that there is no goodbye in your relationship, how deep can you surrender to your soul and into the revealing of it with another?
If you know that even if you are wrong in a choice or opinion that your back is had in every turn without question, how much more powerful and even able to hear and see the truth could you be?
Trust equals freedom to be you and surrender fully into the relationship.
How are you showing up for your love?
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Explore the depths of what is needed to build trust and enjoy a rock solid commitment with your partner. Reach out to me for my elite couples coaching today.
LISTEN TO IN COUPLEHOOD TRUTH VS. SUPPORT LIVESTREAM NOW.
AND I CAME CRASHING BACK INTO MY HEART… JUST LIKE THAT.
He grabbed me,
kissed me and pushed me back onto the bed.
I was rambling on and on about my frustration,
my anger. Lost in thought and the mind.
I was distant from him.
Distant from me.
And lost beyond measure.
I could not feel my heart,
in truth I did not even want to right then.
I had been triggered and I was pissed.
Not at him.
At life in general.
My flow had been disrupted,
I had allowed it to happen and I was out of control of my life in that instant. The chaos of kids, work, house and family stirred around me and I just wanted solitude and peace but had no way of obtaining it because inside I was a storm that I had not even slowed to recognize.
And that was what he did.
He slowed me.
He grabbed a hold of me and led me back to my heart.
That space that I was forced into feeling my truth.
That space where I knew I was not alone in this world,
that space where he was not going to let me run from him, from us, from me.
And he passionately took hold of me there.
He moved with clarity, direction and determination.
I tried to fight his lead.
My mouth was rambling, but he kissed me and would not take my ego based words.
I pushed up against him and ran from feeling him physically, mentally, emotionally.
But he tore off my clothes and laid me naked, vulnerable before him. Devouring my flesh like a hungry wild animal and forcing me to come back to him.
Pressing himself into me,
not letting me go.
I fought with myself to feel.
I fought with the urge to physically stop his love at that moment.
Where days before I found myself lost in a trance of our eyes gazing during our sexing, here I lay closing my eyes and wanting to hide.
Hiding from the reveal of my soul.
Hiding from my pain in feeling lost and angry.
Hiding by throwing up my armour and not allowing myself to feel.
Not allowing his intensity to penetrate my core.
My armour was weakening.
And tears fell.
My chest became tense as I attempted to hold back my breaking,
the cracking of my armour, the cracking of my heart and the desire to fully open to his touch, his kiss, his presence, his love.
His breath softly moving across my breast,
my heart beat instensing,
I could feel him.
As I came back to him,
back to us,
he let out the affirming words of, “Yes. yes.yes.”
I knew that he too felt me dropping.
Felt me feeling him.
And as I laid down my armour my pleasure arose.
with mine his came too.
And I was drawn in.
I was seen.
I was held.
I was fulfilled.
And my trust grew.
This is the taking of the feminine that the masculine must learn.
It is in deep love and devotion.
It is in divine leadership and surrender all the saame,
and it is based in soul consciousness.
Often mistaken for control or for a desire to have one’s way,
the difference is in the emotional investment in the moment, in the relationship and the centeredness in self.
The masculine is meant to lead the femeine home to her heart.
And it is the masculine that must remain strong in these moments, strong in love. Not cowering to the feminines fires but standing firm in who they are and in their purpose beyond their mate, beyond their fear or ego or desire to control her fires, but in turn they must handle her with care and passion, clarity and direction. She must feel his leadership as well as his surrender to his own heart to be able to trust him to lead her back to her own.
This is the dance.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
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