There I was listening to old songs as we drove. The music and the wine blending perfectly in my being.
Imagine Dragons, Incubus, Mumford and Sons, and Awolnation.
Song after heart pounding song.
My voice went with the words, my lips moved softly to form them.
My heart jerked trying to escape memories.
It was no good though.
I had my heart in a spot where I knew it had to be.
There it was, trapped by my bones and muscles.
It could not run.
It could try and shut down, but my voice would penetrate it no matter. My ears would open and allow those words to drift down,
Down to that wound.
That wound that wanted to remain.
This is how I show my love.
This is how I show my love
I made it in my mind because
I blame it on my ADD baby
This is how an angel cries
Blame it on my own sick pride
Blame it on my ADD baby
Blame it on my ADD
Sail!
Yes, maybe I should cry for help as the song goes.
Yes, I do believe that I am killing myself.
At least a piece of me must die in this moment.
It must let go of its diseased fear and die,
So that the rest of me may live.
So that the rest of me might not just heal,
But SHINE!
There I was listening to these old songs that had so much emotion caught in each word that my heart was ready to burst.
“Can you please pull over,” I requested.
Into a parking lot we went and the car stopped.
Not a second too soon too, as I threw myself out of the passenger side to release myself from the constriction of the space that I could run from.
Feeling like my heart was ready to burst, I ALLOWED myself to crumble. There at the trunk of my car, exhaust huffing by my face I crumbled to the ground.
The pavement was warm from the day that had passed still.
The night air was muggy and heavy, much like my heart.
Lifting my eye’s to to the star’s that I could not see,
I was reminded that in order to be seen and to SHINE bright,
we must allow the darkness to come for us.
We must in this dark space, learn to see our own brilliance.
And we must blaze a trail of our own.
Like the stars in the sky that danced before my tear filled eye’s,
I was being given the opportunity to EXPAND.
Let it out!
Let the pain go.
Let the tears wash you clean.
Let the heaviness bury the old you.
Let the breeze carry you away and refresh your soul.
Let GO and Let GOD.
YES.
ALLOW for your healing.
Crumble.
CRASH.
And RISE.
RISE, into the new day.
Rise into the new you.
RISE.
It is your day.
Your day to shine,
And show your love.
And Remember,
Stop Existing & Start Living.
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