IS GOING MONOGAMOUS AFTER BEING POLYOMOUROUS LEVELING UP YOUR RELATIONSHIP?

👊💥👉IS GOING MONOGAMOUS AFTER BEING POLYOMOUROUS LEVELING UP YOUR RELATIONSHIP?😳👈

 

It’s a personal thing.

Well it should be a personal thing.

 

Recently I saw a status update from a man who was in a polyomourous relationship with a woman and she was in a relationship with another man. She decided that she wanted to “level up ” her relationship with this other man and came to the man I know and shared her decision and reasons. Although he was hurt, he understood and they parted with respect and understanding.

 

Another person recently shared that they had gone through something similar:

 

Can anyone relate? Several love connections have recently decided to monogamously close their new relationships

We’ve stayed in touch, but there’s been no acknowledgment or curiosity of how this transition may affect the feelings of someone who still has active desires. While I believe everyone has the absolute freedom to decide what relationship structure they desire at the moment, I’m having emotions around the lack of attunement or transitional “aftercare”. 😔

 

Now granted this share stirrers a bunch for me and I will be sharing it over the week as we go along but for today I am focusing on the transition from poly to monogamous and why some people feel it is “leveling up” a relationship.

 

As many of you may be aware, I was once upon a time married for almost two decades. It was a monogamous marriage, very traditional, very normal by the standards and we had with it all the typical challenges that come with marriage.

 

I realized over the course of time that I felt trapped. I felt unseen. I felt controlled and like I had to sacrifice pieces of myself to keep the marriage going. I found myself not speaking my truth, hiding my emotions and thoughts around tons of things and it was all eating away at me. I became dead to life, caloused to my heart and feelings, as well as to my sex and a zombie in so many ways.

 

So one day, I decided that things had to change and I asked for a divorce.

 

My purpose was now to discover myself, learn myself, my sex, my body, my likes and dislikes. I felt like I had been living according to what my husband wanted of me and the lack of integrity was ridiculous. So my only focus in finding myself was to remain in integrity at all cost.

 

This concept of radical integrity which I quickly discovered was hard AF!

And scary, it was beautiful beyond measure.

It allowed me a space to do exactly what I wanted.

Learn me.

 

I entered this next phase of my life, dating multiple men, speaking what I wanted, setting boundaries on time, my heart and my sex that I felt good about. I was in control of myself.

 

Giving my best to each partner I chose to share myself with and getting only the aspects of them that they wanted to give, which was of course the best aspects. The fun. The play, the ability to hold space, to listen and share without concern or judgment.

It was beautiful.

 

Or was it?

As time went on, I truly believed that I was most likely not meant for just “one ”. After almost two decades of control and rules that monogamy seemed to impose on couples, I truly believed that it was not healthy or loving. I believed that monogamy was only for small minded, control based relationships where relationships were based in fear, insecurity, need and a desire to control someone else. I counted monogamy as an ego driven style of relating.

 

🙏Open relationships felt more loving and accepting. 🙏

 

It felt safer.

 

I did not have to put all my eggs into one basket.

I did not have to have needs met by one.

And that was a loving thing, to not expect everything from “one.”

 

As time went on, I found myself moving into less open relating and wanting more depth and connection with just a couple of men.

 

Here I landed into a double primary relationship, where I had two men and I was the primary to each of them and they to me.

 

Allowing for my stability in my life.

And for some amount of years we were pretty successful in our poly-based relationship.

 

That was we were successful UNTIL “I” got really stable in who I was, what I wanted, what I liked and did not like and spoke my truth.

 

My one partner was highly upset that  after years of going along with things and being playful and adventurous, I suddenly changed my ways and had harder boundaries in what I wanted and did not enjoy in our sexing. He stated that I did not know myself. Saying that I needed to trust him. You see he was great with me having boundaries around my heart that I had instilled through open relationship where it was vital for me to not get overly attached to anyone and lose myself in them.  But when it came to my boundaries around my sex and body, he was frustrated with me. He wanted to act out his fantasies with my body and he wanted me to want it and trust him in it. Of which I could not because his fantasies were not mine AND he did not penetrate my heart.

 

My other partner, with him I could soften and move into our sexing with ease. I trusted him here. I knew that he wanted for my pleasure and safety not for his fantasy. He had accessed a bit more of my heart and I was wanting to move more into that lush space with him. I wanted to go deeper and commit more. And so I found myself requesting to move to a more monogamous relationship with him.

 

Now granted he chose differently.

He did not want that with me.

He found it with someone else and he set me free.

 

Thank goodness he did too.

Because he gifted me with the best thing ever, my freedom.

Freedom to get very clear on what I really was aligned too and what I really desired in relationship.

 

I had learned so much from all my experiences.

And I knew that what I truly wanted was depth in a relationship.

I knew that I wanted to surrender fully into a relationship and let my heart be held by another.

 

I was tired of the armour that an open relationship had created in its attempt to drop all the armour that had been created in the monogamous marriage of my past.

 

And so fast forward to NOW.

 

👉The relationship that I was not  ready for 25 years ago when I was still married.

 

👉The relationship that I could not have handled just two years ago as I sorted through my feelings, perspectives and views on freedom, commitment and authentic love.

 

👉The relationship that over a decade ago I was not ready for because I believed that immersion was bad and ego based.

 

Today I am monogamous.

And so many people ask me, “WHY?”

 

How can I go from being so open in love, relationship and sex to only having “ONE?”

 

“So in the past you have had non monogamous relationships, but it seems like now you are happy in a monogamous relationship.  So do you think that was because It ultimately wasn’t the right relationship in the past?  Or do you think it was more about where you were in your life and what you wanted at that time vs now?  Or was it more about the partner and what they were comfortable or ok with? Or a combo of all.” – Client inquiry.

 

💥💥💥And to these people and the individuals above who recently went through a transition in their polyomourous loves “leveling up” to monogamy I say this…

 

To some yes, monogamy means all the negative terms I shared and more. It means control and loss of rights. It means that you sacrifice who you are, what you want to explore and who you get to explore with.

 

But when someone is moving from polyamory to monogamy, if they are not being pressured into it but actually want it, it is because they are wanting “more” in their relationship.

 

More:

👉depth

👉commitment

👉transparency

👉trust

👉respect

👉aligned goals

👉connection

👉surrender

👉heart

 

And they have come through the beautiful education of what polyomourous relationships teach and offer and are ready to fully immerse themselves into what they feel is “home.”

 

Why have I come back full force to monogamy?

Simple….

 

💥HE SEE”S ALL OF ME – There is nothing hidden in my relationship. He has witnessed me through a few years in different relationship labels and he has seen my weakness, my fears, my inner battles, my demons. He knows me and he is willing to keep unearthing the parts of me by my side as I go deeper into my soul and heart with him. He continues to choose me, all the while standing strong in who he is and what he needs and wants in our relationship.

 

 

💥WE ARE ALIGNED IN MIND< HEART< SOUL AND BODY – This means that our values are aligned in these areas. We have taken the time not only to delve into each other and truly listen and watch, but to also stand in vulnerability with each other and share. Our lives blend together with ease, not asking either one of us to make massive life changes or be something that we are not. Our views on the world are similar. We live in a dance of joint commitment to relationship happiness and strength instead of who is right or wrong.

 

💥A WHOLE PACKAGE- Not what you might think I mean here. The whole package is all about the alignment and the feeling of “home.” Here is the thing, we may enjoy other destinations when we are world travelers but the feeling of coming home is fantastic if you have a good home. But what if you live in your dream destination and have everything you can ever want for? What if the thought of being a world traveler sounds exhausting and full of drama, even empty? If your home is that spectacular then you just  want to bask in your joy of the home you have and really sink into it. You want to build your life there. This is called full immersion. And it is what the soulmate relationship is all about. I believe that we are all looking for this and we simply don’t believe it’s a real thing because we get led astray and hurt so much that we end up armouring our hearts to it. There is something inside we humans that want the equal yoking and entwinement of the whole being where we become one. This is because we crave at our deepest level to have rock solid trust, love and transparency with another and it can only truly happen when two people commit to each other and make zero room for interruptions, chaos or things that distract.

 

👊I HAD TO WANT AND BE WILLING TO BE HELD LIKE THIS.👊

 

And this is a scary AF place to want to set up camp.

Let me tell you this.

Open relationships allowed for detachment, even encouraged it.

I taught myself that was the most loving thing to do.

 

💥Soul-monogamy💥requires unbelievable trust in surrendering into your mate and removing anything that can be perceived as a barrier. Ultimate transparency and acceptance of self and your partner. The reality is you cannot have soul-monogamy with just anyone. You must be ready for it and you must have the right person show up to meet you in this meadow of the rest of your life. 

 

It is Soul-penetration.

 

Yeah, there is a lot here and I hope that you found something for where you are at in your relationship and style.

There is no right or wrong in relating.

The only thing you ever need to do is find ALIGNMENT for where you are and speak your truth about it.

Your soul and heart are learning, and it is your responsibility to listen to the lessons and have faith in your steps.

 

For me, Soul-monogamy is my true path.

The rules that I was once intolerable of are now my heart’s desire.

I am not controlled by the container that we have built together but instead freed by it to know that I am protected and supported by my choices and my commitment and that my partner is aligned to these as well.

 

Freedom comes with responsibility.

Responsibility is defined by the guidelines that help us to have clarity to know what is needed in any situation or choice to be made.

 

Commit to these things and you will find yourself one day in the arms of your soulmate. 

 

As Always, 

Loving you from here on your journey. 

 

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Helping dynamite powerful souls like yourself discover love and fulfilment is what my passion is. Over the last two decades I have worked with hundreds of women & men such as yourself to call in their soulmate by aligning to their truth. I have guided countless couples not to just rekindle a love that they thought was lost, but to create an empowered turned on and fully aligned partnership based in love with 8 simple steps. If you are a woman or man who is looking for happiness, love and abundance in life and is sick and tired of just getting by, reach out to me for a FREE Clarity Call today where we will define exactly what is holding you back, what you are wanting to call in and the next best steps to achieve your desired life. Message me to set up your FREE Clarity Call today.

I’LL LOVE YOU RIGHT OUT THE DOOR.

👉👉🤯I’LL LOVE YOU RIGHT OUT THE DOOR!👈👈
What a topic this seems to be.
And yet not.
We are living in a world that wants unconditional love.
Free love and acceptance.
We want to be able to have our cake and eat it too.
And I have been an advocate of this movement for a decade!
Only to turn around and say WTF!
So today I am going to share with you my thoughts and conversations on my recent road trip to Kansas City and back home.
It all started with a few posts about the polyomourous lifestyle.
Open relationships and what’s good or not good.
And then it drifted into the ideas and desires of our relationship world that has so many believing that it’s best to have multiple relationships and not tie down a partner.
Because after all…
🦄IF YOU LOVE SOMETHING SET IT FREE.🥰
So here is the jist of what I read from someone else + my added feelings about it…. please imagine that my words are in red… they are actually in parenthesis.
💥“One of the most important things you’ll ever do in your relationship is set your partner free.” (Beautiful sentiment and so true… I couldn’t agree more… what sort of freedom are we talking about?)
💥“An insecure person may interpret that as setting them free to be with someone else or setting them free to run the street! Or simply free to get away from you.” (You can never force someone to stay with you, unless you are using actual force or mental/emotional/financial abuse to some measure. At the end of the day we are all “free” to be with someone or not. Married or not. Setting someone free does not mean you are saying “fine leave me… or is it? because perhaps, and the point behind this article, sometimes that’s exactly what it means. Perhaps the most loving thing is to set your partner free to leave you. – Free to run the street? What does that mean? to hook up as they like? to do drugs/drink/hang with the wrong crowd and bring nothing but drama and trauma back to the home? IDK about you, but that’s not love to allow a loved one, partner or child/sibling/friend to do that. intervention might be needed. Free to have sex with whom ever they choose???? And this is what it comes down to, right?
But this is called defining the relationship. It’s called being aligned. It’s called knowing what you want in a partner and what your most loving self-boundaries are… did you hear that? 👉SELF-BOUNDARIES👈 not I love you so much that I will let you stomp all the f-ck over me telling me that if I don’t say yes to your desire that I don’t love you. As for the insecure part of this statement, well not sure there… Are your needs in a relationship coming from your need to control another person or from your desire to protect your relationship and did you priorly discuss the above items only to have them changed on you?)
💥“But when you love something you don’t smother it, you don’t restrict it, you don’t try to control it! When you love something you want to see it reach its full potential, to be as happy as possible, whether you’re part of creating that happiness or not.”
(ABSOF-CKINGLUTLY!!!! – however why is it that if someone asks for exclusivity with someone that is related to smothering, controlling, handicapping the other? Why is it okay for one side to ask for the other to just put their boundaries/needs/etc down and even risk their health so that another can just pretend to be single yet have all the rewards of a committed couplehood? Well it’s not okay! And either side you sit on, if you are requiring your partner to be/do/act/allow something that they themselves are a f-ck no too, then you are on the un-loving side. 👈Thats is self-centered and immature. Plain and simple, if you are dating a dog🐶 but you are cat 🐱then stop expecting the dog to be good with your cat needs and desires!!!!! and vise versa. Date your species… marry your species! Do you want happiness? Do you want compatibility? do you want to feel understood, seen, heard, loved, accepted, respected? well it comes down to box checks my luv… get right with how you do relationship and what you want in a relationship. Know where you are at in life, and I speak this to you from a deep understanding as I was monogamous and VERY unhappy for almost two decades, then I was polyomourous for a decade, then I went back to monogamous because I was tired….lol yet I was still ‘playing around and not serious in relationship’ THEN I met someone… and I knew at my core it was time to get REAL, to level up my relating and to go deep like I never went before. And you know what changed it all? 🤯ALIGNMENT & HEART CONNECTION🙏I knew it was real for the first time in my life, what I had was worth saying no to the surface level sexing, relating, connecting and my own solitude and individuality. That’s how you know luv!!!)
💥“Setting my partner free to me means allowing them to do what they want to do, have the friends they want to have that make them happy, and support their dreams and aspirations, even if it takes away from us!” – (OKAY… yes to some of this but here are my thoughts, do what you want to do, sure as long as it does not cause trauma/drama/chaos/or sabotage you, me or us. Friends that make them happy… absolutely, as long as we both understand that oposite sex friends can and often do cause issues in relationship. Opposite sex friendships on both sides are doorways waiting to be entered, so be careful because they may actually be your backup line incase our relationship does not work out and just waiting for an opportunity to support you better than me. BTW, that’s called protecting the relationship… if you value it that is and know that your partner is worth the protection. Support dreams and aspirations, well hell yes… did you know that watching your partner do what they love and are good at is one of the ways we build desire for our mates. Seeing them shine is a connective agent and is a win-win for both parties. It allows us to have healthy space and see our partner in a different light. 👉☠Even if it takes away from us☠👈. Yes, this is a death statement. Granted in life and in relationship there are phases to everything and sometimes that means we have to work longer hours to achieve our goals and this may for a time frame take away from the us factor, however this needs to be discussed and agreed upon, and IF both parties are emotionally mature and centered in who they are, not needing constant build up and attention from their partner, then there should be little to no issue. Goals and dreams are good for the whole. If ones partner wants to put more time into another relationship, such as a friendship or if you are in an open relationship a secondary partner, THEN you have to question what does my partner value more? Who is primary? A friendship or secondary lover SHOULD NEVER take primary relationship status unless your primary is not cutting it and you are walking out. If you claim to be in love with your partner and that they are your significant other, you are exclusive with them, they are your primary relationship then realise that, that means that most of your time and attention will be focused toward them. If it’s any other way then you are asking for unalignment to form.
💥“The mistake that many of us make is that once we get in a relationship we make our partners world smaller… not bigger!” – (TRUE THAT!!!!! but not by asking for alignment. Not by having healthy agreed upon boundaries in all areas. Not by defining the relationship to what BOTH parties want and desire. We only make our partner’s world smaller by forcing our will on them and not accepting that if they say otherwise that they don’t love us unconditionally or at all.)
🤯🥰🥰THIS FREE SPIRITED OPEN MINDED AND RELATIONSHIP WOMAN would say bye-bye to her man in two seconds if he wanted a secondary partner or if he requested from me something that was harming to my mind, heart, body or soul. And he would do the same if the tides were turned… this I am certain.
I know what open relating is about, after a decade of living and breathing, teaching it, I get it.
AND I THINK ITS POWERFUL AND BEAUTIFUL.
But it is just as controlling as monogamy if your partner is not aligned to you.
In truth, it teaches great communication skills.
It teaches all about transparency and jealousy.
It gives you permission to explore and get to know yourself like no monogamous relationship will allow.
But once you know who you are and you know what you want,
you certainly might find out that you are sick and tired of the game playing and the uncertainty of always knowing that your love may just walk right out the door and say, “You knew what you were getting into, you should not have become so attached.”
Well my luv, detachment is a powerful tool for sure.
But when we speak of love, commitment and soulmates…
YOU MUST BE WILLING TO IMMERSE yourself fully into that other soul, into the relationship and thus yourself.
Meaning that you will no longer settle for what is not aligned and allow your love to be greater for another than yourself.
From here you will love them right out the door, because they are not your home.
As Always,
Loving you from here.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Helping dynamite powerful souls like yourself discover love and fulfilment is what my passion is. Over the last two decades I have worked with hundreds of women & men such as yourself to call in their soulmate by aligning to their truth. I have guided countless couples not to just rekindle a love that they thought was lost, but to create an empowered turned on and fully aligned partnership based in love with 8 simple steps. If you are a woman or man who is looking for happiness, love and abundance in life and is sick and tired of just getting by, reach out to me for a FREE Clarity Call today where we will define exactly what is holding you back, what you are wanting to call in and the next best steps to achieve your desired life. Message me to set up your FREE Clarity Call today.

I CONTEMPLATE DEATH FREQUENTLY… AND THIS IS WHAT I HAVE LEARNED ABOUT LIFE, LOVE, PLEASURE AND JOY BECAUSE OF IT.

🧐☠️🤯I CONTEMPLATE DEATH FREQUENTLY… AND THIS IS WHAT I HAVE LEARNED ABOUT LIFE, LOVE, PLEASURE AND JOY BECAUSE OF IT. 🤯💀☠️
“Nothing is permanent.”
There are few things that we can be certain of in our life experience.
Those being:
👉Change.
👉Suffering.
👉Death.
And THAT is all you get!
That is what life offers you my love.
Anything else is for your molding.
It’s very zen of me to focus on death and suffering in truth.
Life is truly about suffering and how we choose to deal with it.
Suffering is not really a bad thing, I say that from my deepest heart space. Suffering brings with it the birth of desire. It creates in its wake the contrast needed for us to learn who we are and what we want to experience in life.
Life is a wild ride and God/universe is its reign holder.
But you my sweet are equally in charge of the way that your life moves. And you do so by accepting that the above three guarantees are just that – 👊GUARANTEES. 👊
From there you get to choose how you will live your life.
And the sad reality is that so many of us humans choose poorly. 😢
Now, don’t let this share today rain on your parade by any means.
It’s actually a share of sunshine, rainbows and unicorns farting glitter dust everywhere. 🤣🧚‍♀️🦄
I find myself contemplating death frequently when I look with depth into my relationship with my man.
Never before have I feared this space of transition, ending, death.
I have never walked into an intimate relationship thinking to myself, “Wow, I better really practice detachment here. This man holds me to a level of my soul that I have always dreamt of but never anticipated to manifest. I fear losing him.”
And that is the truth.
🥰”I FEAR LOSING THIS LOVE.”🥰
I do not fear him leaving me.
I do not fear my saying goodbye.
I do not fear the passing of our love into something that is no longer love, HOWEVER I do respect the reality that someday,
and in my book all too soon, because a thousand years is not long enough to wake in his arms, that we will have to say goodbye to the physical that we know so well and find comfort in.
Life has taught me much about suffering and loss.
From the loss of my parents, the loss of siblings and dear friends.
From the edge of the sword with my grandson and his heart transplant to the loss of financial security, business, health, safety and love.
👉Life has revealed its cruelty and beauty all in the same.
The blessings within the fear. 👈
And what I am certain of is that until we humans fear with respect death, change, and suffering for the blessing that it is we find ourselves never truly living.
We avoid living to our fullest and allowing ourselves to be ravished by life, because we fear these things I share here.
We stand aloof in our hearts and souls, armoured and protected at our gates worrying about a future that we are preventing by staying unattached from the greatest experiences life has to offer.
We run from these blessings by some psychotic idea that we can control life and its outcome.
Which is the same for every living thing on this planet.
Death. ☠️
And by doing so we armour ourselves and hide in our suffering instead of embracing it.
We avoid what we deem bad or evil.
Crap luck.
We drink ourselves into blindness.
We hide under the covers of drugs and medicines.
We harbour our hearts with dis-ease and scarcity.
And we point our fingers outward and blame.
Blame life for these evils and pain that we experience.
Ignoring what we are being blessed with altogether.
The beauty of the opportunity to live fully.
We are fearful that God/universe will come and steal it all away from us if we allow ourselves to be fully immersed into everything sacred, beautiful, yummy and good.
Yet this my love is the sacred romance from God/universe.
This is God courting us into the deepest levels of who we really are and our desires.
We deny our truth and desire for living unbound, fulfilled and in rapture by being irresponsible with the blessings that are bestowed upon us in the blessings of suffering, change and death.
We focus so much on losing, that we step away from our present blessings of love, joy, happiness, fulfillment to focus on what is inevitable.
All things transform. Nothing is permanent.
At first in my relationship with my partner, I avoided my heart.
I spoke non-truths and attempted to hide my heart and soul from him and myself so that I would not feel pain again. I knew at my core that he was what I had been waiting for. I knew that we were deeply bonded as though we had already been soul-merged for a millenia, and it scared me.
I trembled in fear of losing him before we ever became intimate.
I feared him turning away from me, from God snagging him out of my life long before we dated. Long before I admitted my heart to myself I feared the loss. And I did everything in my earthly power to armour against him, to hide myself from the love and connection.
I ran.
And then when we stepped down the path of couple-hood, I still tested the waters of arguing with my soul.
Hiding and not allowing myself the permission to breathe him in.
To feel this love.
Still some days, I wake in fear.
And I want to run because I do not want to experience the pain.
The emptiness.
I fear my heart being torn right out of my body.
At the thought of losing him.
And then I come back home to him and I.
I bring my attention into the present.
And I allow myself to fully be immersed into the NOW.
I stop the worry, the fear, the agonizing over what will certainly come in our distant goodbye of this physical AND instead I breathe into us here and now.
I share this with you today, because I see many people suffering without any end in sight.
I see so many couples agonizing over the things that they have no control over and the fact that they desire control over the natural cycles of life and love.
I see so many couples and singles alike ignoring the beauty of their lives.
The depth of their relationships and sex.
I witness so many dynamic souls hiding from living the abundance and glory that they were born to live and instead pursuing fear and pain.
🤯YOU WERE BORN TO BE RIPPED OPEN BY LIFE AND LOVE!
That is your sole purpose.
You are not to be tamed by life.
You are not to be safe in life.
You are not to be harboured up and feel nothing, detached from your heart and soul.
NO my love, you are here to feel.
To experience.
To transform.
And if you can understand this truth today,
you will meet me in the garden of death and appreciate your NOW.
Because that is all any of us ever have.
👉The NOW.👈
And you are missing it and all its rapture of love, joy, abundance and pleasure that it offers because you are looking so far into the future and fearing what will come for all of us.
☠My take on the lessons of contemplation of this subject is that I would rather die knowing that I have lost myself in the full immersion of loving completely (body, mind, heart and soul) than to continue to hide myself from it.
☠I would rather embrace life and all its wonders and joys by knowing that I have shared every breath of my soul experience in the way that feels most aligned at my core then to blame the world and life for the shortcomings that are not really such but instead opportunities to expand and grow.
☠In looking at life, I see that there really is nothing to fear but fear itself as the saying goes. God is a wild God, a creator of dramatic experiences that birth us into all that we are meant to become.
And if we are to gain every blessing we can in our lives then we must have faith and lean all the way into such beauty as intimate love and commitment of our souls with another that we know at a soul level like no other.
We must stop the insanity of getting caught up in our futures that are never coming and instead Awaken to our present.
Embrace joy, pleasure, love, abundance.
And dance in our shattering, our rapture, our birth.🦄🥰🥳
Because that is exactly what uniting at a soul level with another is.
Are you ready my love for this beauty?
Ask yourself today:
👉🥰👉”What aspect of your love story do you fear will be taken away by life if you give yourself permission to fully immerse into it and receive?”
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
Helping dynamite powerful souls like yourself discover love and fulfilment is what my passion is. Over the last two decades I have worked with hundreds of women & men such as yourself to call in their soulmate by aligning to their truth. I have guided countless couples not to just rekindle a love that they thought was lost, but to create an empowered turned on and fully aligned partnership based in love with 8 simple steps. If you are a woman or man who is looking for happiness, love and abundance in life and is sick and tired of just getting by, reach out to me for a FREE Clarity Call today where we will define exactly what is holding you back, what you are wanting to call in and the next best steps to achieve your desired life. Message me to set up your FREE Clarity Call today.

WHAT MAKES A MAN BEAUTIFUL…

🌹MY MAN IS BEAUTIFUL AND I TELL HIM ALL THE TIME…🌹

 

I recall the first time I told my man that he was beautiful, he looked at me and cocked his head to the side and said, “Huh?” with a smirk on his face of love as he allowed himself to absorb what I had said.

 

I just looked at him softly and said it again,

“You are beautiful.”

 

With the second time his eyes became glossy,

his skin started to radiate a golden glow,

there was a light that came from him,

that was there but was expanded as he felt the love between us and the love in his own heart that he constituted for love that he had for me.

 

And true as that was, this love that was bringing forth emotion of great mass to his eyes as I could watch his heart flutter and stir with  his desire and passion, this love was more for himself than for me.

 

It is his love of himself that allows him to love me so deeply.

It is his acceptance of self that allows him to accept me fully.

It is his desire for health, for stability, and alignment in life, with soul and source that allows him to achieve these things with me and co-create a mature unconditional loving relationship like none I have ever experienced before.

It is his passion to live, to embrace all of life and enjoy its sweetest delicate moments that allows him to see those moments that are often missed in relationships in our commitment to each other.

 

👊👊👊HE LEADS. 👊👊👊

 

He leads our relationship just as if we were on the dance floor of life.

 

For you see, the feminine cannot lead.

The feminine in our greatest power must flow,

must be fluid and able to twirt through life in creativity.

Our purpose at our core as women in creation.

 

We are master creators.

Master manifestors.

Life births through us. 👼

And with it all the blessings that a sacred union can ever hope for.

But these blessings are not possible if the masculine  is not certain in who he is at his core nor what his direction is.

 

I relate a lot to the dance floor.

💃Especially ballroom dancing. 💃

 

I believe that any woman that believes  that she should be leading the relationship and is irritated at her man being the leader needs to do a few things…

 

👉Ask herself why she is with him if she does not support his agenda?

👉Ask herself if she trusts him and if not why?

👉 Inquire deeper to find out within herself who she believes should hold the greatest power in the relationship?

👉Ask herself if she wants to co-create the relationship and if so what does that actually look and feel like to her?

 

 

🌹🌹🌹 And depending on what she comes up with from these prompts, if she wants to make the relationship last forever and go deeper in love and trust, then to ask her man to go ballroom dancing or take lessons. 🌹🌹🌹

 

A few years back I was taking ballroom dancing,

and I was shocked at how horrible a lead so many men were.

It was quite sad in truth.

 

As I danced (and mind you I am far from a good dancer in my opinion) I noticed that many men would be too soft with me. They were scared almost to really take the lead and be firm in their stance. They could not hold the container nor pull me back into them. Causing my flow to  be greatly disrupted.

I found that I was stumbling, missing many dance positions, did not feel safe to sway and did not feel held in the chasses.

 

AND THERE WAS ABSOLUTELY NO EFFING WAY THAT I COULD SURRENDER TO THESE MEN DIPPING  ME !

 

Why?

Simple….

 

I could not trust them.

A strong feminine cannot truly lean and trust a weak masculine.

In order for a woman to surrender her heart to man she must trust him and trust in his leadership or she will not be able to surrender.

 

TRUST COMES FROM RESPECT.

 

It is based in respect that it is.

And who can respect wishy-washy?

 

Well most certainly not the feminine.

Many women attempt to “fall” for these soft men,

but they do so because they themselves are dominant in the masculine and all relationships depend on polarities.

Someone must be true north and someone must be true south.

 

Masculine and feminine.

Yin and yang.

 

Often in modern day relationships, we see more the feminine acting in the leadership role and wondering why they are so harsh, lost, discontented, aloof and unorgasmic.

 

This happens because their man is soft.

he cannot lead because he himself does not  know how,

is afraid to step up and do so,

AND because  often she will not allow him to.

 

Believing that by handing over the leadership reigns to her man that she gives up power instead of understanding the harmonic balance of yin and yang and how this is co-creation of their relationship where they each support one another through their own unique organic strengths as man and woman.

 

A man who can lead is beautiful

 

A man that can feel into his heart and lead from this space is radiant.

 

When I look into the eyes of my man and I see all his love for himself,

for me and our life that we build each day together,

I marvel at his brilliance.

 

He allows me to feel how deeply he wants to be with me.

How intensely he wants the best for our life, our union.

He shows me in his look of surrender to me through his leadership that I can trust him, he is certain in his boundaries, his direction is clear and he knows what he wants.

 

I can trust this. 

 

I can trust him because he is this strong leader.

And he acts out of a deep divine love that he lets me see in tender moments when his heart erupts with great intensity.

 

I can trust him, because I choose to surrender to his leadership and let him conquer me so that we can rule our world together.

 

He chose me for this very reason.

And I him.

 

I ask you today, reader of this page…

 

Are you ready to surrender to love and step away from the blindness based in fear of losing power by uniting with your soulmate?

 

Will you keep fighting to me the masculine my sweet woman and wake each morning wanting to ravished but scared of losing your power in allowing it to happen?

 

If you are a woman who wants depth, connection, commitment and that soulmate union but has not found it and fears losing herself in the wrong man, then reach out to me beautiful..

 

Let’s do the deep dive into who you are and what you want so that you can once and for all align and call in the man of your dreams.

 

Message me today.

 

As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

GREAT JOB BEING PRESENT IN THIS SO CALLED RELATIONSHIP, BUT YOUR PRESENCE IS EFFING IT ALL UP.

 

👍GREAT JOB BEING PRESENT IN THIS SO CALLED RELATIONSHIP, BUT YOUR PRESENCE IS EFFING IT ALL UP…👊🤯👊

 

I am sick and tired of hearing about all that matters is your presence in the MF moment.

 

Over and over again, I hear beautiful, soulful, intelligent women talking about all they want is a present, conscious man who gets it.

They speak about how they want this and that. They know that over the course of time they will figure out  if he is really committed to them and emotionally available because it will become clear. And they are somehow strangely okay with the reality that they are going to do what we humans do so well…

 

invest time without reason and get attached.

 

They anticipate that this relationship much like the last one will more than likely cause them pain and suffering, but it is part of the process.

So they just have to bear with it and keep chugging along in hopes that this might be different.

 

After all, if there is love there, they will know it and that love will hold it all together.

Love conquers all. 🥰

 

Well my beautiful, soulful, intelligent woman looking for her soulmate, you could not be further from the truth.

 

😳Love does not conquer all. 🤯

Love like you are viewing it, is not even love.

But love in general cannot conquer incompatibility.

We ladies get caught up in the fantasy world that love is some magical formula that heals everything and makes it all work out someway. But that is truly just a fantasy.

 

And when we women accept or even walk into dating and courting with the idea that we “just need to be present in the moment and it will all work out” we are leaving ourselves wide open for pain and suffering as well as letting ourselves off the hook for what is really needed if we want to develop a soulmate relationship based in authentic love and connection.

 

And that is commitment.

 

Today’s dating world is lacking commitment and I am not speaking about commitment to the person. 🤔🤔🤔

 

I am talking about being committed to the vetting process that dating is.

 

Why are you dating?

Most people, male and female alike, are dating in hopes to find love. To find that “one” person that they want to do life with on all levels till the end of their days.

Yet they date with no commitment to the process of exploring a relationship with this other person let alone entering into a life long partnership with them.

 

And that is why so much casual dating is happening for ALL age brackets these days.

👉👉Neither side wants to commit to the process. 👈👈

 

Ain’t that the sad truth!!!

 

Instead they hope that this “vibe” , this “feeling” , this “mood” that they have is a sign of love.

They call lust, energetic connection.

They get caught up in limerence, infatuated with someone and they think that this is some amazing connection that they are experiencing and so they jump into the deep end of relationship with this other person, hungry for what they have been wanting for.

 

Companionship, connection & sex.

 

Only to find out that this other person was not as far into the pool as they were and might even be a bit crazy, a train wreck, not truthful or just using them for the situation at hand.

 

You see,

when we say, ” I just want to be present in the moment and see where this goes,” or ” Let’s just keep it casual for now and get to know each other.”

What we are saying or accepting here is:

 

😳I am not committed to the process, a fact I cannot even make a commitment. I don’t even want to put that much effort into this thing. I just want companionship, connection and sex with ease. 🤔🤯😳

 

😍But I love you.🥰

 

LOL…

 

That my beautiful, soulful, intelligent woman is NOT love.

 

What is love?

What does it mean when we say, ” I love you.”

 

Well to most people there in today’s world, those words roll off our tongues with far too much ease. They are words that are meant to hold the other in a position that we can make use of until we have decided if we want to explore more or not.

 

That is why so many people intodays dating world keep their daating profiles open, keep opposite sex relationships handy and call them “friends.” We don’t get commitment or love.

 

👉👉👉I love you should mean…

 

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨I am here. I am not caught up on someone else, not my ex or another. I am not looking anywhere else and I am willing and wanting to close the doors to other options.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨You matter to me. You are a valuable, important person to me and in my life and I want to treat you as such.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨WE matter! The you and the me matter, and I value our unity.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨I’ve got your back. No matter what, I will support you. I will not run. I will not hide or turn away. I want to protect you. Protect us. I am making a stand for us. For you.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨I’m not going anywhere. Basically means I am ALL in!

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨I only want you! I am passionate about you. I want to go deeper with you. I am open to you fully. I cannot see past you nor am I looking.

 

Our current dating and relating world does not operate from what love really is.

 

We treat love as though it is only a feeling or some mood.

The reality is that love requires our commitment.

It requires our commitment to the process of discovery of each other without and before we go after the surface level needs and desires of companionship, connection and sex.

 

The majority of relationships today that I see are not based in love or commitment.

People accept friends with benefits, casual relationships and situational unlabeled relationships as some form of actual relationship and even love.

 

But there is zero to no commitment to the relationship.

All either side is wanting to gain from it is companionship, connection and sex.

 

And when they go a little deeper and find themselves married or living together they discover some hard realities that they become shocked by.

 

😳👉👉There is no compatibility.

There is no desire to build a life together that is supportive of each other or a communion of the two.

 

From the very beginning of the courting process,

if you are truly looking for that soulmate…

wanting a lasting love and wanting commitment.

Then you MUST commit to the process of vetting.

And the key to vetting in dating is to ask yourself and your potential partner the right questions.

 

👊Know what you want.

👊Know what you don’t want.

 

Know your values.

Ask their values.

Box check about the important things.

Not the surface level, cover of the book things.

 

Get out of the mind set of egoic love which is based on each person caring only about their needs and what they are getting out of the relationship.

 

Instead  gravitate toward co-creating the relationship and being compassionate in your relating. What can I give in this relationship? How do I see this relationship developing?

 

👊👊👊TIME TO GET REAL!!! 👊👊👊

 

👉Why am I here doing this relationship?

👉What’s my purpose for doing this relationship?

👉Is there an end destination or am I just wanting to enjoy the present moment and go with the flow?

 

Soulmate relationships require your commitment and your desire to tap into who you really are and what you want for your life.

 

If you are just playing around…

then stop effing around and saying you are looking for love but have bad luck with men.

 

It’s your commitment not the men.

 

As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers

 

Helping dynamite powerful souls like yourself discover love and fulfilment is what my passion is. Over the last two decades I have worked with hundreds of women & men such as yourself to call in their soulmate by aligning to their truth. I have guided countless couples not to just rekindle a love that they thought was lost, but to create an empowered turned on and fully aligned partnership based in love with 8 simple steps. If you are a woman or man who is looking for happiness, love and abundance in life and is sick and tired of just getting by, reach out to me for a FREE Clarity Call today where we will define exactly what is holding you back, what you are wanting to call in and the next best steps to achieve your desired life. Message me to set up your FREE Clarity Call today.

UNICORN & SNOWFLAKE MEN – WHAT WOMEN THEY WANT, BUT WON’T RESPECT.

 

UNICORN & SNOWFLAKE MEN – WHAT WOMEN THINK THEY WANT, BUT WON’T RESPECT.

 

And that is what it all comes down to. 

RESPECT.

Maybe I am a bad, bad, girl who just is not consciousness enough or done as deep of a dive as I need into my own inner work to be able to respect, surrender and thus really unite in love with one of these sacred space holding, cacao ceremony, “spiritual” dudes who is what we can call the modern gentlemen. 

The nice guy. 

The guy that “respects” (by kissing her booty and letting her be the man) a woman and let’s her be powerful because he knows that we are all equal. 

 

Lordy, let’s just f-cking get real here. 

Ladies and unicorn snowflake, woke divine masculine men….

WE ARE NOT ALL EQUAL!

 

Women are powerful. 

And should be accepted as such. 

But men are powerful too…

And should be accepted as such. 

However, we are powerful in different ways.

Think ying/yang.

 

Today’s world is emasculating men.

 

And men are not happy or healthy because of this depolarization. 

Women are far from happy and emotionally drained because of it. 

 

Yesterday I wrote some on this topic, focused on how we women want a sensitive man but only sensitive to what we want him to be. This epidemic of conscious, woke, divine real men that is turning our men into something that we women cannot respect nor trust. Which stirred quite the convo between my man and I.  This morning while brushing our teeth and getting ready for the day he looks at me and says, “You know I just recently learned that women like you want a masculine man. I have looked at what I see as a strong woman and been frustrated. Believing that a strong, conscious woman who knows herself appears to want one of these unicorn “woke” men who always smiles, has the right things to say and keeps his masculine primal at bay. I can do the yoga. I can meditate. I can do my own inner work. I can be conscious. But I cannot put down my primal instinct and I did not believe that I could be my primal self and have my warrior queen, too.”

 

Linda Liv Doktar, I guess was in the same mood as myself yesterday, because my guy then asked me, “did you see what Linda posted?”

 

Nope, I was caught up with my private clients yesterday and some self-care things, plus rushing back to my man. 

Well, I read Linda’s post and I was laughing while saying, “Yes! – Yes! -Yes!”

A woman who desires a primal man. 

Gets what is required for us powerful warrior queens who are always turned on, activated in life, hustling in our self-made success stories and keeping harmony and balance to our full and thriving lives. That sort of woman cannot hang with the blokes who want to kiss our a*ses. 

 

My sun rises and sets in my man’s hands because he is not afraid to man-handle me. 

Meaning he knows how to stand in my fire. 

He knows how to lead me. 

He is not fearful of me. 

He let’s me feel him fully in his energy, his thoughts, his feelings. 

And of course in the bedroom.

He does not hide his primal, protective, fierce nature from me. 

ANYWHERE.

And that makes me weak in the knees. 

Much like Linda said in her share, “I want to be dominated and told what to do.” 

Matter a fact, I need that for my own well-being and ability to surrender my deepest self to life and to my man. A woman simply cannot surrender her deepest self however to a man that is wishy washy, wearing the best societal mask of the moment and trying to say all the “right” things. I need to know that I can trust my man to be honest with me. 

I need to see that he is not afraid to take initiative and set a direction. 

I need to know that he trusts his own words and actions. 

And I require a man who knows how to dominate me in his love, protection, primal energy and leadership. 

 

So he better f-cking know who he is and where he is going in life. 

Or I will not follow. 

I will not respect. 

I will not trust.

And he will not hold my heart. 

 

I have been in all too many relationships with these men who are “woke” who are “sensitive to the feminine” and that’s as far as they made it with me. 

 

Some sort of relationship. 

I also felt the need to set them in their place about the reality that they would NEVER have a partnership with me.

 

I knew from the first moments that I could not respect them to the level required for me to become their life partner and give myself over to them. I could not trust their “sweet” ways to hold me safe and lead with certainty. I knew I could drop them to their knees with my own dominance and make them crumble if I wanted. 

 

That’s not leadership. 

And you know what?

In studies it has been shown that 74% of men would rather be alone in their lives instead of feeling disrespected. 

 

This is because to a man, a primal man who is on purpose and is not fearful of his own energy or his woman, he views respect and love as equal. They are the same and you cannot have one without the other. 

 

THIS is why men are so powerfully attracted to some women, will do anything for these women, and commit to her fully. When a woman knows how to trigger feelings of respect and admiration in her man, he will surrender his heart to her.

 

So many women however, have no clue how to make use of the principle of respect to create this unfair advantage in making themselves irresistibly attractive and commitment worthy to the right men.

 

Thus creating the space for repetitive heartbreak and suffering when it comes to love. 

Now I could go on and on about this topic, and most likely will keep writing on it over time, but for today let me be very clear with you lovies….

 

If you are a woman who wants to feel safe in her relationship. 

Wants to stop questioning if her guy is really into her or if he loves you.

Wants to know that he wants and will commit to you.

Wants to rope the moon for you as well as ravish you in every way you desire. 

And wants to stop your fear of when he will leave…

 

Then hear me now…

 

Get the consulting needed on the fine art of respect. 

Through respect we women can seduce, open and commit the right man to us. 

He will not be the man that is depolarized to be more feminine than masculine. 

You will have to actually want his masculine and see how you as a strong woman who is always taking care of business needs his strength to get you out of your head and fully embodied into who you are in heart, soul and sex. But once you get a taste of the yumminess of what this primal masculine does for you and how he supports with his rock solid love, respect and honor of not just you, but himself and the partnership you will scratch your head in bewilderment of why you chose to spend all those years ditzing around with men who have no clue how to lead the feminine. 

 

And are not worthy of your warrior queen heart and soul. 

 

Want to learn the secrets of becoming a seductress through learning the art of respect with a primal man?

 

Are you tired of thinking your relationship with a guy is going really great only to have him grow cold and distant overnight and ghost you?

 

Tired of the endless cycle of heartbreak and questioning why you cannot find a man who is trustworthy and committed?

 

That’s what I helped countless beautiful women such as yourself do over the last almost two decades. Find their soulmate!

And it’s now your time, don’t you agree?

Reach out to me in comments or private message now about my 6-weeks to Soulmate Love Private Mentoring Summer 2021 Sesh and get $500 off with code word RESPECT.

 

As Always, 

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

COVETING YOUR SEX AND YOUR MONEY, WHICH ARE YOU GUILTY OF?

COVETING YOUR SEX AND YOUR MONEY, WHICH ARE YOU GUILTY OF?

 

Recently I was speaking with a fellow educator, author and public speaker on this matter and he brought up this very question of what we choose to covet more. As I thought about his inquiry, I realized that if I look at my track record and what I am far easier about letting someone be intimate with, to share that I would have to say that it is my body. Thus my sex. 

 

Matter a fact, just this week my life partner and I were speaking about finances, making some large purchases, potentially starting a new business line, how we each foresee the future of our combining money and how we are going to handle financial responsibilities in our partnership. As he asked me my take on these things, I found myself with sweaty palms, a nervous gut, my heart rate increasing and feeling unsafe in some measure. 

 

I realized that I was feeling very vulnerable around money. 

And that I had not shared a bank account with a man, nor major financial items for over a decade. My reasoning was that I had felt burned in my marriage many years back by sharing and I wanted to protect myself, that fear that was activated way back then was supported in a follow up close relationship of sharing almost everything, and had I allowed the merging of finances then, I would have been financially destroyed at the end of that relationship as well. 

 

So here I sat, with this conversation before me around finances. 

And I wanted to run. 

I wanted to hide. 

But I wanted to commit myself as well. 

 

When it comes to money, at least for me, I am pretty tight lipped about it. If I am low in the pocketbook, no one will really know just like if I am rolling in the green. I find that our money is a place of immense intimacy. And for me to share, let alone merge, it means far more than bedding me.

 

Think about it…

 

Which are you easier to allow another person to engage with?

Your body or your bank account?

Your sex or your investments?

 

We as humans generally are easier with our sex. 

We will “hook up” with someone, pressure for sex even, sooner than we will ask for financial help or give it. And the thought of handing over our financial affairs to someone that we just met at the bar or an event, even a person we have been out with a few times versus opening our legs or penetrating another, is laughable to say the least.

 

It just is not a thing. 

(Unless you are a financial dominatrix that is, but that is a special skills set for a unique clientele.)

 

With that said, what do we women want men to prove to us and show us?

We want a financially responsible man, a man that has his shiz together with money, and we want to be romanced of course. 

 

We want to know this stuff pretty early on in the relationship as well.

Many women want to be “taken care of” in some fashion and even feel that it is part of their needs or that it should be expected. In today’s world of high maintenance relationships, money plays more of a role in the getting and maintaining of the relationship than the sex. 

Again proving that we put less importance on our sex and body than we do on our bank accounts. 

 

However there are some major challenges with this way of relating. 

Let me clearly state, there is zero wrong with wanting a partner that is financially responsible and can hold their own, has their shiz together and/or can even “take care of their partner” in some measure in this way, however today’s world and much gratitude to all the feminist movements of our past and current, women can and often do earn just as much as men. We can take care of ourselves and it is silly to believe that if we are really wanting a partnership, a true union and to fall in love that we are not basing it on each other’s bank accounts or investments but on our hearts and the essence of each other. 

 

Do we coming together make a better you and a better me, thus a better us? Or do we drain each other in some way or have a relationship that is one sided?

 

The two leading factors of divorce today: Sex & Money.

 

Here is the issue, we never drop our guards around our money out of fear of getting screwed over and we never drop our armour around our sex, because that would require us to be vulnerable with our hearts as well, because we are afraid of getting screwd over and hurt there as well. 

 

We do enter relationship and attempt to build partnership with surface level, fast food sex that is easily handed over in hopes of being cared for financially by our mate. And generally the man will hand over romance and his financial resume with ease to “prove” or convince to the woman that he is good enough to get into relationship with. 

 

So women hand over sex and men show bank statements with roses attached and a trip. 

 

And THIS is what we base love on. 

THIS is what we proclaim to be chemistry, energetic connection, even romance.

It’s all a bunch of malarkey!

 

If you need romance to feel safe in your relationship, you’re setting yourself up for heartache and failure. If you need to prove that you have this or that then you are setting yourself up for failure and drama. If you are jumping into bed right away to feel connection, but “think” that the sex is a sign of love and commitment, then you are fooling yourself and will only discover pain. 

 

We women think that romance should be a prerequisite of getting into a relationship. 

We believe that it proves that he is caring, taking it serious, wanting to go deeper, and is mature. 

We think that it is a sign of emotional maturity even, because he shared some feelings after a bottle of wine and some sex. 

And we are eager to open ourselves up physically and “act” vulnerable because we believe that’s what is required of us as a prerequisite to the relationship. 

 

Money & Sex. 

But what if the opposite were true? 

What if we had to earn these things, and the earning came from us first actually being in a relationship and revealing who we really are, as well as taking the time to get to know someone. 

What if we waited a few dates in to have the sex?

What if we waited to romance each other?

But instead chose to inquire and communicate how we do sex and money in relationship upfront so that we knew if we were in alignment or not on these two major subject of relationship and partnership?

 

What does that look like, you may ask?

 

Healthy dating, which leads to healthy relationships and then to healthy partnerships starts with healthy communication.

 

And that looks like this early on: 

 

“How do you operate around sex? I like to spend this amount of time with the person I am dating and I like to do it like this (number of dates per week, calls, daily texts, overnighters , trips) I prefer monogamy and exclusivity, as that is what I am looking for in partnership and commitment as well. I do not like to dilute my energy and time in the dating process. How does that sound to you and are you open to doing this in our relationship?”

 

Unhealthy communication around this same subject would look like this:

 

“When I am dating someone I expect monogamy and exclusivity from the start if I am going to invest any further time with someone.”

 

It’s all in the delivery. 

 

The majority of relationships today, like always are either casual relationship where the sex flows easy, or transactional where there is the expectation that you give sex for financial safety and you give financial safety for sex.

 

There is a cost associated to a relationship. 

And anyone who says that there is not they are crazy in the head or a taker who does not do their fair share of carrying the cost, nor appreciate it. 

 

There is dinner, movies, presents, gas, travel, time and so much more. 

All the little things. 

Our world runs on money. 

Our relationship does as well. 

 So why not address this up front pretty early on?

 

“How do you operate with money in a relationship?

“How do you use money in a relationship? – do you like sharing expenses? Do you like to treat and plan events as well as receive a treat and planned out event? Or do you want just the man to lead and take care of it? Or you always have to pay your own way?”

 

These inquiries show how giving a person is and what their capacity to receive is as well. 

I have read a few studies about how men respect women who invest ( yes ladies, I just said that invest) in the relationship more than they respect the woman who just takes. 

 

Men are not expecting the woman to invest an equal financial amount. 

They are not expecting women to foot the bill or to always go dutch ( well the right men are not), 

But a woman who can give and receive, a woman who makes plans and prepares events, dates and grabs the drink round every now and then, is something rare. In general, we women will fall either hard core on “ I GOT THIS!” and insist on not receiving to prove that we don’t need a man, which is silly because why then are we even wanting to explore relationship with a man, of courses we need men, just like they need us, but not for money or sex. But for depth, connection, expansion and life partnership. Or we women, expect that the guy will bear the full load always and dare he want a partner in the land of money. We will offer up our sex but not our money.

 

To have a partnership, we must let go of our fears of being vulnerable with the subjects that make or break relationships, and instead be willing to broach these topics sooner than later or we will forever find ourselves in the nasty loop or transactional relationship where we forever feel alone and used.

 

On both sides. 

 

As Always, Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Ready to say YES! To your soulmate relationship today?

That’s what I have been helping countless individuals do for the last two decades and now it is your turn beautiful Reach out to me today to explore 1:1 coaching

HE IS NOT READY TO FALL IN LOVE & COMMIT IF….

👩‍❤️‍👨HE IS NOT READY TO FALL IN LOVE & COMMIT IF…
 
Put simply he is not ready to commit or able to fall in love till he pulls his head out of his a*s!
I have said for years to men and women alike that there is an unresounding pop that occurs for a man between the ages of 35 and 50 typically…
And that is when his head pops.
 
There is more to falling in love and committing than this though.
And what causes a man to have this “pop” anyway you may wonder?
 
Well to understand love and commitment we have to understand emotional maturity first
I recall sitting by the fireside while camping with my man last fall and we had a discussion about just this topic of emotional maturity as well as “box checks” a.k.a. common grounds between us or that are needed to have a united and strong partnership, which requires guess what?
 
Yep, emotional maturity!
 
EMOTIONAL MATURITY MEANS THAT YOU ARE NOT STUCK IN VICTIM OR RIGHTEOUS CONSCIOUSNESS.
 
And this simply is not the case for most men and women alike.
We are too caught up in our wounds and have not taken the time, nor do we have the desire to truly do the soul searching work to develop a strong core. We don’t do the damn work that is needed for self. The healing power of doing your own personal, spiritual, emotional, mental health work is beyond words, and it is required if you want to have a healthy partnership with someone and truly know that what you have is love and commitment.
 
But we are clueless about what love and commitment really are.
We believe that what men need (and women for that matter) to fall in love and commit is respect, appreciation, acceptance, connection and LOTS OF SEX.
Well especially men, right?
 
We as humans need all of these things.
They do not guarantee love, commitment and certainly not rock solid partnership.
In today’s world we get caught up on partnership meaning: connection and sex.
A commitment to be with someone exclusively.
Most of the time that means monogamous, however not always. There are a vast array of relationship labels today that are accepted, but the focus is exclusive “primary” partner, no matter the label. Monogamy and exclusivity DOES NOT equate to a committed partnership.
Ester Perel calls this epidemic of relationship, stable ambiguity. There is the appearance of stability and commitment in the relationship however the ambiguous part is,
“Where is the relationship going?”
 
And you cannot know where the relationship is going if you as a man cannot identify what commitment looks like. Until a man knows what his path to commitment looks like and what his end goal is in the vetting process of dating and relationship to get to partnership, he will remain frustrated in his efforts to find “the one,” and will break a few hearts along the way, leading women on that believed that they were “this one.”
 
Back to pulling your head out of your a*s and developing emotional maturity gents.
So typically a man needs a humbling life experience to have his head pop. This can be a marriage or significant relationship break up that causes financial strife, emotional pain. It can mean a health issue or the loss of a career, a home, or some other significant major obstacle that impacts him at a deeper level of soul where he starts to question life and ask for more from himself.
 
In a man’s early years and typically a first marriage scenario, men are looking for a wife AND mother to their children. They are looking for characteristics that are different from a man in middle life. By the time we are in our late thirties to early fifties, over 50% of the dating population is looking for partnership based on lifelong alignment. Wanting to know that someone wants to truly commit to having their back and love them no matter what happens. That they could be laying in bed dying from cancer and this other soul will be there every step of the way in love and wanting, not just willing to support them through it. Love them through it. They want more than just someone that is appealing to the eye. They want to trust them fully. And they are not willing to give up their hearts to anyone who is not proving to be worthy of their trust.
However they have to get out of victim and/or righteous consciousness to achieve these goals.
Simply put, male or female, if you are dating and someone in the first three dates goes into a b*tch sesh on their ex and how it was all their fault and the shiz that they did and how they were not at fault. They had no part in it. THAT IS A SERIOUS RED FLAG, that they are not emotionally mature. So they will not be able to have constructive arguments or see a viewpoint outside of their own. Until we can learn to own our part in every aspect of our life experiences, good and bad alike, we are not practicing emotional maturity and we do not know ourselves.
If a person is exhibiting entitlement, it means that they are caught up in the tunnel of ME,ME, ME land and they are going to be superficial and self-centered in their actions and needs. Creating an inability to truly connect, because you cannot trust a person stuck in such myopic attitudes.
 
Which is what a man needs to fall in love and commit….
A space to do so.
Men need to actually desire a partner not just a lover.
We humans tend to reach out for physical connection when we are not yet ready to receive love because we are in such pain and don’t believe that we are worthy of it, but crave it.
Creating a disharmony in ourselves and preventing a synergy for true partnership. There is no way a man can truly fall in love and commit if he is consistently in a space of pain and using some sort of self medication to overcome and mask it. This causes a man to become self-centered and selfish, not from a disingenuous place but from a tunnel vision place where he is unable to see past himself.
In midlife we are starving for connection and sex, however we are fearful of going deeper into relationship because we don’t know what partnership looks like in midlife. We don’t know how to harmonize and balance money, roles, responsibilities, ex-relationships, children, lifestyles, etc. We don’t know what it really means to be a partner in our midlife.
 
Men are driven by a desire to connect emotionally and physically with the feminine. Typically a man cannot kick back with his buds and discuss how he feels about things. He cannot get into his heart with other men and he desires the viewpoint of the feminine heart on such edgy matters as “feelings.” He also desires the female body and all your femininity.
This desire for connection and sex does not mean that a man is wanting partnership, however.
It means that he may be looking for a relationship, which is different from partnership as explained earlier with Perels labeling of this being stable ambiguity.
 
For a man to create the space to fall in love and commit, he must contemplate what he is really wanting outside of connection and sex.
 
Sadly, the majority of men and women alike NEVER give this much thought.
Which is what we see showing up in relationships by all the surface level relating and doing the bare minimum to maintain the relationship, which is also a major culprit to why so many marriages fail.
 
And so we come back to understanding what TRUE PARTNERSHIP is.
Until a man can identify and understand what true partnership is, outside of dating and relationship he will not be able to fall in love and commit.
 
He MUST KNOW what he wants outside of connection and sex.
And he must understand his path to achieve it.
 
It is a s simple and complex as that.
Until he reaches that space inside of himself where he want to trust a woman with his heart and desires to have her there to have and to hold, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part…
 
He will not be able to pledge his faith, his heart, his commitment and he will not claim her as his love.
 
And she will feel it.
She will question his love and commitment to her.
 
True partnership commitment will always come down to WANTING to have someone’s back no matter what, and to want them to do the same for you.
 
Until a person truly reaches this space of wanting the US in commitment they will continue to be bouncing through relationships of stable ambiguity.
So ask yourself today, “Why do I do relationships?”
“How do I get to a place of true commitment and knowing that this is the person that I want to commit to?”
“What questions do I need to ask early on or things do I need to share to support this path?”
 
And if you want help on this path of discovering your soulmate, want to learn the right inquiry and how to go about clearing the space to call in a committed love and life partnership, reach out to me today. This is what I have helped countless singles do over the last almost two decades.
 
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

DON’T LET LIFE GASLIGHT YOU FROM YOUR TRUTH.

 

I REMEMBER TAKING THIS PICTURE WITH MY DOG RUDDY… I HAD JUST TURNED 16.

 

The year was 1992.

It was autumn, my favorite season and I was madly in love with a boy. I got my mom to take this picture of me to send a hard copy  (yeah no texting or email back then) it was snail mail… to my boyfriend who was in boot camp.

We wrote to each other daily.

Hating to be apart, however, the game plan was that he served four years and that would get him the college he wanted plus provide us housing, loans and opportunities once I was of legal age.

I had freshly graduated high school myself, and was working at my mothers clothing store in a small Northern California town that I call home, Chico. Under her thumb I listened to her daily fearfully warn me of his ill intentions. Telling me about how he was most likely cheating on me, running around with his buddies and doing who knows what. She warned me that he would abandon me like my father had abandoned us. Her anger for the masculine was obvious and yet I listened, wanting to know her thoughts but not feeling in alignment with them at my core.

I believed differently.

I trusted him.

I loved him.

And we had plans together.

 

My mother, bless her resting soul, I know had the best desires for me, however through the course of time she managed to teach me one very unuseful thing.

 

TO NOT TRUST MY HEART.

 

Her rampage about my boyfriend often ended with her anger and bitterness toward my father. I would and still do recall her many tales to me of how she hated being married, how she felt controlled but that was the bed she had to be in. She proclaimed her status as a victim to life and to the relationship and she shared openly her pains about it with myself from the youngest of ages. I was forever her sounding board. Although her desires for my life were most likely set in love, they did bare with them the idea that I was going to be used without choice by the masculine and to NOT trust men at all cost. Try as I might to ignore her feelings and beliefs and hold firm to my own, they did manage to seep into my psyche and have caused me much pain through my adult years.

 

Because you see, my mothers fears and experiences ended up laying the foundation to me doing what I felt I “had or should” do in life and relationships instead of following my intuition and heart or soul. As a young adult, I had no idea that I was in as much control of the outcomes of my life as I understand now. I believed that I was a victim to what life handed me and that I had to make the most “logical or smart” choices for my survival as I could.

And so, I got married to a man a decade my senior at 18. I had babies. I worked a job. I focused on setting up the house that appeared “normal and expected of me” and I was unhappy to my core.

 

I did not chase the boy who held my heart at that time.

I let him go, believing that he had abandoned me just like my mother predicted.  And because life tends to give us what we expect, he did walk away from me. Or run from the wrath of my mother, but that’s a different tale for another day.

 

My mom was so happy the day I got married.

She was ecstatic the day I gave birth to my eldest child, a daughter.

I recall her tears on both events and her grabbing me with sheer delight.

 

I wanted to make my mom proud.

I wanted to be different from other teenagers and young adults.

I knew I was intelligent and a self-learner.

I knew that I was pretty logical and sound in my reason,

that I was wise beyond my years.

After all, adults much older than I told me so often.

And perhaps I was.

But I wanted to do right.

And with the learning that my mother taught me to NOT TRUST MY HEART, but instead listen to only my mind and always make the smart play, I opened the gateway to listening to others, especially my husband. 

I knew that my heart was unreliable.

It would do nothing but get me into trouble.

 

So when he would tell me that I was thinking, doing or acting a certain way because of……

Or that what I really wanted was….

Or that I would just enjoy this or that if I allowed myself…

Because he knew, I tended to believe him even though it felt off inside my body and heart.

 

Fast forward a few decades, My second long term relationship with a man ended with him telling me that maybe I just did not know how to be happy and did not know what  love really was.

This man too also told me how I felt, why I felt this way and what I was thinking.

 

Both managed to get me to question my own reasoning, my feelings,my emotions, my actions and thoughts and they were strongly supported in their efforts to lead me on the best course of life by my mothers teachings of don’t listen to your heart but instead make the smartest play for your survival.

 

Neither relationship fulfilled me.

Neither relationship felt right.

Neither relationship was based in love,

they were based in mind.

 

And both relationships were guilty of gaslighting.

They both acted not in my best interest or even the best for the family, but instead acted according to the best interest in my partners desires, needs and ego. Whether that be sexually, business, moving houses, friendships, child rearing or what I did with my spare time or how I showed up as a partner.

What they wanted mattered more than what was right for me.

And I spent a ton of my adult years believing that this was the only way.

 

WOW! Was I ever wrong?

One day I discovered something different.

One day a spiritual teacher of mine confronted me on my allowance of such events and why I was choosing to ignore my greatest gift.

 

My GPS system to my soul, to life and to my power.

This teacher then spent a few years helping me transform my debilitating beliefs and showed me that the things that I feared were nothing to fear if I (get this…) listened to my heart and intuition. Through trial and error in learning myself again and coming home to ME, I rediscovered my path.

 

My power as a soul living a human experience and a co-creator of my life.

 

I found true connection with a partner where I feel certain in revealing myself and am not afraid to challenge him when I feel my soul and heart are not being heard.

 

I have discovered that I can show up just as I am and not need to sacrifice anything of myself to have that love based connection, nor feel safe and be able to trust and surrender in the relationship.

 

I have discovered that this coming home to my heart and soul,

the listening to my intuitions which at my core I have always known to be true, will ONLY GUIDE ME TO MY HIGHEST AND BEST LIFE in all areas.

 

And that is powerful  AF!

 

We adults forget ourselves.

We change the way we transmit things in our brains by not using our creative sides, by ignoring what we feel and our curiosity.

We allow ourselves to create a time loop in our life where every day is groundhog day and we are okay with it because it is comfortable and safe, but we are not happy.

 

Today I challenge you to inquire with the self and to ask “Why am I not happy?” Really allow yourself to dig deep into your heart with this. Move past the ideas and conscripts that you have been taught that THIS IS what happiness is and that it is not okay to not be happy with the lot you have allowed yourself.

 

Ask yourself, “If I truly allowed myself to be/do/have anything that I wanted, how would I be choosing to show up in life, love, relationship right now?”

 

You are worthy of a life that makes you happy.

You are worthy of feeling and knowing that you are powerful.

But you have to first challenge the way you have allowed yourself to be gaslighted in life. Don’t accept that your core, your soul, your heart are faulty and that all that matters is the mind, your feelings about things are gifts from something more than what you believe is you.

 

START THERE.

 

And As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Summer is upon us.

I have many local DFW workshops coming up to help you get educated, transform the way you move through life, let go of anxiety, fear and find your power once more. Reach out to me for deet’s and links on these, and for anyone looking to go deep in the work of YOU let’s chat about 1:1 mentoring where I can share what my master teachers shared with me so many years bacak that awakened me to my power and truth. Message me now for summer specials.

YOU’RE NOT HIGH VIBE YOU’RE HIGH MAINTENANCE.

“I HAVE EMOTIONAL NEEDS.
I HAVE PHYSICAL DESIRES.
I REQUIRE A MAN THAT CAN MATCH THESE THINGS.
So maybe I am picky.
Maybe I am needy some would say.
But I look at it as though I only like to be with a partner that is “high vibe” and can meet me where I am at.
I am a high vibe woman and I want a conscious man who gets me.”
This was the conversation that I recently had with a woman on a discovery call and from the outside perspective you could say that she is correct. That she is deserving of a relationship that can give her what she needs and more power to her for being a turned on woman who knows what she wants and is not afraid to go after it in relationship as well as in life.
I couldn’t agree more.
The problem with this tale that I am not sharing is that this woman is far from “high vibe.”
Now she is what many men would call beautiful.
Some would say hot AF!
They would love to lay with her.
However, they would also classify her as high maintenance.
And this is something that most women certainly try to not be.
The term alone leaves a bad flavor in your mouth.
But then we women wonder what does it even mean?
Most men believe that women in general are high maintenance.
Women have different needs then men in emotional connection, time spent and sex for sure making them appear as though they need more maintence…
Here however is the problem.
Relationships are NOT cars.
Women are not vehicles to drive and maintain.
Nor are men.
You don’t do things to maintain them.
You do the things you do in a relationship to deepen the relationship, the bond, the love. To expand it. To grow together.
If you are merely “maintaining” your relationship or partner then is it/them truly the right fit for you? And why are you doing that relationship to begin with?
Yet we all do this, don’t we?
We all get ourselves into relationship situations with people that need to be “maintained” which is where the term originated.
And some individuals are higher maintenance than others.
I count myself as a low maintenance partner.
I don’t require much you could say.
And some would think that statement to say that I have low self-esteem or poor boundaries. That I don’t desire or even require a partner that matches me, or maybe I am “vibing” so low that I am groovy with a low vibe man.
Trust me I have had low vibe men before, they come with all size pocket books, all types of bodies, and spiritual beliefs as well as political views.
Being low vibe has NOTHING to do with any of those things.
Nor does HIGH VIBE.
Or being “conscious or woke” as our world is loving to say these days.
I can tell you that “high maintenance” on the other hand has everything to do with those.
But has nothing to do with one’s personal needs and boundaries on lifestyle. Such as fitness, diet, personal time or growth, or even personal grooming, etc. These are personal maintenance requirements. We all have them. They do not make us high maintenance, they are just how we choose to live and build our lives unless there is an extreme to any of them and we cannot accept life without them being met constantly.
High maintenance can be any relationship and with either sex.
Now we understand that our children are high maintenance relationships, especially when they are young. If someone is suffering from an illness or is recovering from some situation then they will need more in the relationship then when they are not.
High maintenance like this woman above clearly revealed she was to me on our call is different.
And to help all the “conscious souls” the “chosen woke” and the “high vibe” men and women alike I wanted to clarify what this term truly means for you.
You may think after this list that another word for high maintenance is narcissist.
Because it sorta could be. 🙂 and that’s why it leaves that nasty flavor from saying it and makes you feel like sh*t if you are called it, unless you’re it then you do what you do best IGNORE REALITY.
Inflexible – yes inflexible AF! hard boundaries around what they have planned and “need to do” and when. It’s their schedule and time line above everything and everyone else. The high maintenance relationship/partner expects that others make adjustments to meet their schedule needs at all cost and is highly offended or upset, hurt if others do not. “Spoiled child syndrome here you might say.”
Never satisfied – Finicky you could call them. Sure don’t get me wrong, knowing what you want or need is a positive and sharing it is great. However the high maintenance relationship/partner will not be happy with things going any way but their way. They are among the hardest people to please. They will say that this is good and then be hiding their true feelings until they pop out a few days or weeks later with how you ignored them, never pay attention to what they really want, don’t care and it shows in your actions and that they are tired of having to tell you what they need/want.
Easily upset by limited or lack of communication – or what they perceive as such. The high maintenance relationship/partner will say that they are with a narcissist who does not want to give them time. They will say that they are just wanting emotional connection. And they will claim that if you do not give it at the level and in the fashion that they require that you are ignoring them, not wanting to commit or communicate. If you don’t give them the time, communication and energy that they “need” to feel loved and appreciated then they will retract and put up their walls because you don’t value them. Basically the high maintenance relationship/partner considers every need to be urgent.
Critical Minded on Steroids- these sort of relationships/partners will ask for help or assume that everyone should see that they need help and then when they get it, they b*tch about how something is done. “he always loads the dishwasher wrong.” “If I want something done right, then I have to do it myself.” ” I needed this brand, nothing else will work.” Partners who chastise their partners for such things and are fussy to the level that they cannot accept that people are different in the way they handle and do things might want to realize that they are high maintenance and wearing their partners out.
Never satisfied – This truly is part B to the above but stands alone as well. High maintenance relationships/partners are never happy with self, with others, life, money, health, house, car, travel, anything. No matter what, it’s never enough. Which is why all the above items are here too. You will never be able to be enough for the high maintenance relationship.
Can’t handle surprises or change – I recall going to Costa Rica with a lover who had been married once upon a time. When we arrived we noticed that my suitcase was wet. He had put two bottles of white wine in my suitcase in the states for travel and we both assumed that the bottles had broke. He was horrified and troubled. He looked at me with fearful eye’s and took full blame for the event, saying that he should have never put them in my suitcase. They should have gone in his bag. I was so happy to be away with him on this trip seeing a new destination, I simply said, ” that’s okay, I am sure we can get the clothes laundered and if need be buy whatever is needed in the interim. It’s just wine and thankfully its white wine.” he was shocked and kept checking on my emotional status for the next few hours while we got to our hotel. He explained that his ex would have ruined the whole trip over this.
The high maintenance relationship/partner does just this, ruins the date, the trip, the event, the moment because something wonky happens. Life has zero room to happen with this type of person, making the relationship all the more stressful.
Status is a must typically- not all high maintenance relationships/partners require a big bank account or at least a six figure income or more of a partner. Some focus on emotional needs more than financial, however many do require certain financial needs to be met. These relationships cannot be happy with anything that is just status quo or “less than” what they perceive is “needed” and that is how they look at it. They “need” the designer purse, shoes, the mansion, the 5 star this or that. Or you are saying they don’t matter and you don’t value them. They will say that the higher the consciousness of the man (typically speaking here) or partner then of course their bank account will match their consciousness, their “high vibe” and that they demand this matching. The high maintenance financial relationship/partner can never date or be with someone who cannot meet their financial needs.
Emotional Neediness at extreme levels- like I already said, we all have emotional needs and women have different needs than men generally. Women need to vent and be heard more so than men and men need more space than women. However the high maintenance relationship/partner takes emotional needs to a new level. Demanding that you listen to them no matter what is going on in your life. You could be sick in bed with food poisoning and the high maintenance relationship/partner will find an urgent event in their life that takes priority over you. They will then get their panties in a wad if you don’t jump to “helping” them however they deem fit in a timely fashion.
All this maintenance is exhausting to say the least.
Which is why so many people try to avoid being it or getting into a relationship with someone who is it.
Yet, much like the narcissist, the high maintenance person is great at fooling people.
Manipulation is part of the game.
They are cunning like a fox and just as beautiful often.
However they will show you quickly who they really are by revealing the above items and you may notice that when in their presence you feel “less” in some fashion.
You may feel like they are always watching you, jealous over silly things, demanding on time and space. You will notice that any retraction from them will cause a whirlwind of trouble emotionally for them because the reality is that the high maintenance person is low vibe, needing your vibe to lift them up and make them feel worthy, lovable, valued and alive. Without you there to carry them they feel lost in themselves because that is their true nature.
Lost and empty.
They are easily bought.
Because their only boundaries are based on their said “needs” that they believe they cannot achieve for themselves so they must require it in their relationships.
And above all else,
the high maintenance partner, much like the narcissist partner typically cannot see these traits in self. Making it difficult for them to heal and even more tragic for those that love them to support them by telling them the truth.
“The world does not revolve around you nor does it owe you anything!”
High maintenance partners will not tolerate such ridiculous dishonoring.
Simply put the high maintenance relationship/partner is draining AF!
So if you are one STOP IT.
And if you are with one, wake the f-k up and stop the insanity of taking responsibility for this lost soul who is leeching off your energy, time and bank account.
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living”
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
Narcissits and HMR are exhausting low vibe relationships that you don’t deserve in your life. Want to learn how to raise your vibe and call in a soulmate relationship that supports who you are and fulfills your hearst desire? Reach out to me today.