I WANT TO NEED HIM.
This is a statement that a woman made to me as we were speaking about her couple-hood.
As I listened to her tale of desire to want to need her man,
that she believed that this is the way that we were designed,
and that so much of our discontent in relationships and life as well as not knowing ourselves comes from this very belief that we women “should not” need men.
That we are just as good and can balance life without a significant other, I thought to myself,
SHE IS ABSOLUTELY CORRECT.
Women have burdened themselves with the disease of believing that we don’t need men, that it is a sign of weakness. That we are lower than human if we rely on our male counterparts. Or that if we are relying on them that we are selling ourselves for a lifestyle, for safety.
And so many women do, do just this.
They settle into relationships not for soul union, not for love, but for comfort and safety. They look at the man’s resume, not his heart.
These women are indeed selling themselves.
They are becoming slaves to a lifestyle and a comfort.
They are not acting from soul or love.
And to them I could write a million lines,
but today I am addressing the women who are afraid of being perceived this way.
So much so, that they armour themselves from beautiful relationships, they fight to be seen strong at all cost, they feel weak at the thought of receiving help from their man. They do not know how to be supported by the masculine.
I am one of these women.
So I share from the depths of my feminine heart on this topic.
I am one of those women that has a ridiculous time receiving from my man. I have learned through the years to allow him to open doors, to help grab the groceries, to let him help me in house and home. I have gotten over him not cumming every time we make love or him focusing all his attention on my pleasure and not receiving physically in times.
I have learned that his pleasure sometimes is all about my receiving in our sexual union.
I have learned that he loves to witness me in rapture.
That he feels great pleasure and satisfaction in my bliss.
In what he gives to me.
But, when it comes to money.
When it comes to bills.
When it comes to buying the groceries.
Even if it is a trinket that I have my eye on and he asks me, do you want that? He is ready to purchase it for me. He wants to bring me pleasure. He wants to see me adorned. He wants my happiness.
I know this. But I feel like I am taking from him.
That I should not need this.
That it is not okay.
That he will perceive me as a woman who is there for the financial support.
And I am scared to lean on him.
I am scared that he will see me as weak.
That my heart and love will be missed some how,
that my truth that I have only eyes and desire for him will be washed over in some way because he has “helped” me.
When in truth, it is not even him helping me.
It is a union.
It is a team.
It is US, supporting the whole together.
And it is my pride that stands in the way of the full union.
It is my pride that screams that I should not need him, all the while my soul feels just like the woman above.
I WANT TO NEED HIM.
Because I DO!
I need his strong masculine guidance.
I need his looks of love and adoration.
I need his tenderness.
I need his touch.
I need his heart.
I need him to need me.
And I do not look at him as though he is weak for wanting me.
Or for needing me.
I know that he needs my feminine heart,
my emotions and touch.
He needs to see my rapture and my tears so he can fully feel who he is at his depth as well.
I know that he wants to need me.
We both have lived without each other just fine.
We both have been more than capable of living life and supporting our loved ones, building lives, businesses and we could easily choose to continue to do just that.
But the union of the masculine and the feminine when done by soul, is a union of desire to be together because together we are stronger.
Together we feel more.
We heal deeper.
We expand fully.
It’s not about money or security.
Although together we thrive all the more as well.
It’s not about weakness in coming together.
It’s uncomfortable in truth to be vulnerable and wide open with someone. To have no hold backs.
To feel as though there are no barriers,
nothing you do not want seen or felt.
To want to be witnessed at the deepest levels by your mate,
is uncomfortable AF!
There is no hiding here.
And we women, hold back from needing our men deeply,
and wanting to need them,
we in turn tell God/Universe that we don’t need them either.
It’s hypocritical of us women to say that we are these brilliant life givers, thus manifestors, creators, powerhouses and to know that we are vessels born to receive and then say NO to receiving because we deem it a weakness because it comes from our man.
How are we to ever fully become our greatest selves if we consistently deny our receiving, our pleasure, support, love from the great masculine?
No wonder we women are lost.
No wonder so many of us are bitter, non-orgasmic, always choose the wrong man who lets us down.
We should expect all of this and know that we have set ourselves up for suffering in love,
To never feel fully loved or cherished because we are not cherishing ourselves.
It is through our ability to lean into the masculine, to open our hearts and put down our armour with a man that holds us close and wants to need us as well, who gets that he is our king, our knight, our protector and great lover. That through his honor and ability to carry us deeper into ourselves that we find ourselves.
It is my belief, and a belief that “just might” be backed by a few spiritual scriptures and structures out there as well, that we are meant to support each other. The equal yoking of the masculine and feminine.
THE DESIRE TO BE ROMANCED LIES DEEP IN THE HEART OF EVERY WOMAN.
IT IS FOR SUCH THAT YOU WERE MADE.
I love this quote by John Eldredge.
However, for us to have that desire manifest, we women must open ourselves to God first,
We must learn to listen to our hearts, our soul, our intuition. We must then open ourselves and lay down the shields and swords of our wounded little girls and let the conscious masculine hold us.
See us fully.
We must be open to needing him.
And we must want to need him.
It is only through our wanting,
And our understanding that, that wanting is not a weakness but a powerful space of abundance, flow and love,
That we gain the opportunity to experience true soul union.
Our union with our man mirrors our union with the divine, with God.
The trust we show our mate,
We captivate our men for a reason.
It is because through us he feels life.
And we are lifted by his true heart and desire to serve us.
So if you are a woman like myself who struggles with receiving from the masculine,
If you feel weak or like you will be misperceived in your wanting of his support, his love, his attention, look no further than your heart.
Ask your truth there.
And see him as God.
Wanting your rapture in all of life.
Stop Existing & Start Living
WE ARE THE ONLY SPECIES THAT WANTS TO GO AGAINST OUR BIOLOGY.
Well, mostly we women that is.
Guys will claim THIS, but somewhere inside they get it is not so, they know that they claim it to just keep that doorway there,
where we women tend to want to disregard, ignore and act as though we are above our biology.
It was not that long ago that I was one of these women myself.
I thought that I could manage it.
I truly believed that I could have the relationship and it just be what I was calling it and that both parties were feeling the same way.
I believed that we were elevated in consciousness to the level that sexual desire did not play a role and that I could seriously “just be friends” with my male friends and that they were down for it just being that and even wanted just that.
THEN I came into the awareness that most if not all of my male friends were actually attracted to me and that if given the opportunity would happily walk through the door of a sexual encounter with me. So I justified the friendship by saying that they respected me and my wishes and that it was manageable.
I came to terms, with if a guy was hanging out in my life as a friend of some nature that he most likely wanted to bed me and I then believed that that was just the way it was and I had to accept it, but could still have the friendships, just needed to be aware.
After all, I am one of those women who has never not had a male friendship since I was 2 – years old.
I have had far more “good” friendships with men than with women over the course of my life.
The thought of giving up my male friendships pained me.
Feeling as though I would have no one left in my true friendship circle if I dumped the guys.
Then I had a few conversations with my son’s who are grown and almost grown, with some of these male friends, with male clients and even with my man.
Their shares can be summed up here,
“Why would I hang out with a female if I was not attracted to her? If I wanted to hang out for all the reasons we guys hang out and do what we guys do, then I would certainly choose to hang out with a guy friend, not a female.”
They all came back with, if they were hanging with a female there were desires to be with her intimately.
And I started to really allow myself to feel this.
To get right with male/female relating.
I looked at my conversations, my shared moments with the majority of my male friends and saw the intimateness.
Sure there was no sex, there was no kissing or intimate touch, but we certainly did share intimacy. Only the kind of intimacy that you can get from the opposite sex.
There was even a flirtiness at times.
Beautiful as it is, it is ground that is not stable.
And no matter how respectful and loyal a male friend can be to us women, if given the opportunity to have a door crack open and him get a chance to be with us, he will.
Meaning that if you are a committed woman, in any label of relationship out there (and I have been under a few labels over the course of the last two decades) that if you are pissed, upset, feeling disconnected in any fashion or form with YOUR MAN, and you share confidence with a male friend, know that you are cracking a door open.
If you are a single woman and you have guy friends,
and believe that they can maintain without issues,
understand first you are almost being cruel to the men in your life,
because without realizing it you are teasing them.
Yes just by being you.
Just by doing you.
If you want to be taken on dates,
experience the male energy,
etc. then perhaps looking at doing just that is the answer.
GO ON A DATE.
And realize that often the best romantic and intimate relationships are based in friendship.
The fact that you think of a man as a good friend,
If you have a trust, a vulnerability there, a fun playfulness with your male friend and you are both open to a relationship that is of more than your pseudo friendship, then maybe the universe has already blessed you with a wonderful man to explore in a romantic fashion.
If you are good with just “managing” these male relationships and keeping them at bay in some fashion, ask yourself:
💃 What am I really gaining from this friendship or looking for with it if I know that he wants me sexually but is just holding back because of what I have stated the boundaries are?
💃 How can this male friendship impact (positively /negatively) an intimate relationship I am in or want to be in?
💃 If I was in an intimate relationship with someone and they were having deep conversations, moments and connections of a vulnerable/intimate yet non-sexual version with another woman frequently what sort of impact would that have on the relationship? Emotionally? Physically?Energetically?
💃 What does significant other or primary relationship mean to me and how does opposite sex relationships outside of this hinder or support?
Now, I know what you might be feeling.
You may say, that is such an emotionally immature way of looking at relationships.
You may say that a “conscious man” is above this.
You may say that there is zero harm from being flirty with your male friends, no matter if you are in a romantic relationship or not with someone else.
You may actually believe and point to lifelong friendships that have never let you down and you are certain that they are “just a brother” to you.
I have thought all of this.
I have believed all of this.
And repeatedly been blown out of the water from these.
We cannot deny our biology.
Men are men.
Women are women.
And we relate differently.
We bond differently.
Men love boobs, booty, legs, hair, our eyes and are wanting to explore us inside and out.
They will smile, chat it up, be helpful and drive from a state away to to show us how much they want to give us their attention.
They will support us in the worst of times.
They will applaud us in the best of times.
And they mean it.
But they still want the woman that stands before them.
They would not be putting their attention on us if they did not desire us in some fashion.
This is why so many men fall in the face of a woman’s attention.
Wars have been based, fought and won for the chance to be with a woman.
It’s just biology.
We women need to get right with it and stop being silly,
thinking that it’s harmless however.
Time to level up your relating.
Stop Existing & Start Believing
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Ready to claim your life back from suffering, fear, doubt and misfortune? Ready to call in the love relationship you desire. The abundance you crave for and the joy you know can be yours.
This Is what I have worked with thousands of people like yourself to have over the last two decades. Reach out to me today.
👉👉👉CAN A MAN BE THE BEST WEIGHT MANAGEMENT SYSTEM, SLEEP AGENT AND STRESS REDUCER OUT THERE?
The right man certainly can be.🤯
Today I speak to all the 👑queens out there who look in the mirror, do those little sidewards poses sucking in your tummies, checkin’ out how the booty looks in those pants, if the “girls” are perky looking today or if you need to grab the extra support bra. How your eyes look. Are you needing extra concealer, are the lines, soft wrinkles and exhaustion from life showing up to boldly or…💃💃💃
Today I am sharing a revelation with you that I have witnessed over the course of time in different ways in my own personal life and with friends and clients alike.
But when I tell you that from a VERY personal and real level, I have never been through such a beautiful transformation as the one that I am in currently in and it all stems from the love of the right man. Now, don’t get me wrong here…
it’s not actually his action of love that is doing anything.
Its not a massive amount of sex.
It’s not really anything other than I can put down all my armour with him and surrender.
Did you catch that big scary word that most queens do not like to speak outloud?
Lay down our armour?🦸♀️
Put down the shields and sword?⚔️
Trust the MF masculine?
I know, I have gone off the deep end for some of you ladies out there. In todays time when we women are able to be self-sufficent and not need relationship, just have the sex we want, when we want and live our lives without the bartering with a man, the concept of surrendering to the masculine seems shear ludicrous and crazy.
I get it.
But are you fulfilled?
Sure you may believe that you are.
You got the career, the kids, the house, the money, the “freedom” but where do you allow yourself to be held?
Where do you allow your softness as the feminine to be revealed?
And if you are a coupled queen, do you truly let your king shine as a man or do you constantly overthrow his throne with your fear of being controlled by him?
Do you in essence cuckold your man?😲🤔🤯
You “give him sex” but you do not actually receive him or let him receive you?
Coupled or single,
What we desire in a relationship on both sides of the coin is connection.
Put simply connection DOES NOT come from two physical bodies engaging in sex or physical touch.
Connection comes from emotional bonding and trust.
Connection comes from being able to embody one’s self with deep presence and thus can actually feel at an emotional and energetic level their partner.
They are willing to reveal themselves fully.
They are willing to be seen authentically.
They are willing to be naked in every way with their lover.
These things can NEVER be achieved with our armour up.
These things cannot happen without surrender from our deepest heart center with our lover.
And as long as we choose to uphold that emotional/energetic armour in our sexing, in our relationships, with our intimacy we will also bear the effects of the armour which are actual weight of the physical body.
Stress of the mind.
Emotional overload and imbalances.
We will not be able to lay our heads down and truly rest.
Because the weight of life,
the guarding of our hearts,
and the exhaustion of us “acting out a role for survival” will only create restlessness of our souls.
When we enter a soulmate relationship,
a union with our true significant other we have zero desire to hold onto our swords and weapons. We do not want barriers to our heart.
👊👊👊We want UNION.
Zero space between.
And when we truly enter a relationship of this divine nature we also reap the rewards here in the physical if we are willing to surrender to this sort of depth and authentic connection in love.
WE STAND NAKED IN EVERY WAY BEFORE OUR SOULMATE.
And here we find our truest freedom.
Our most unbound love.
We discover who we really are,
and we open ourselves to him.
And he as a heart centered man,
strong in his masculine and purpose driven in his life understands that the way he penetrates your heart as his queen is also how he penetrates his world.
He must lean fully into your gates in love and trust of the feminine or he his lack of surrender will be felt and you will not be able to trust him.
However you my dear queen must remember that it is a two way street ALWAYS.
If you as a woman refuse to trust yourself,
if you refuse to get out of your mind space,
If you refuse to speak your truth,
if you refuse to take responsibility for your emotions, your orgasms, your choices, your triggers and your fear,
then he cannot lean into your gates in trust.
A king cannot lead his queen to the most delicious moments of connection and intimacy if his queen does not respect him in his masculine. And a queen can never respect a king who does not know whom he is and who has healthy boundaries and a stable heart center.
So can a man be the best weight management system, sleep agent and stress reducer out there?
Yes the right man certainly can.
The right man + the right woman can conquer their world together.
They will thrive and live unbound in their love.
They will be healthy physically, emotionally, sexually, financially and spiritually.
Unfortunately it is my opinion from my over two decades of working with couples that the harsh reality is that about 85% of unions are not soul based but need based.
And it shows my dear queen in your face.
In your eyes.
In your body.
In how you speak of yourself.
In how you show up in your life.
I love you beautiful.
You are worthy of a king that is worthy of you.
But you have to first want to find him and then be willing to lay down your armour.
Loving you from 18 pounds lighter, radiance in my face and eyes, a good night’s sleep in my mans arms and lovin’ the skin I am in with a surrendered heart to my King 👑
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Queens let’s chat about getting you back into your rightful throne.
Based in that beautiful heart center, let me show you the steps to putting down the armour with your soulmate or how to call in your soulmate if that’s where you are at and how to fully become embodied in love and orgasm today.
FAR FROM F-CKING PERFECT.
That’s what I am.
And no matter where one goes,
There one still is.
That’s the life lesson we all need to learn.
Funny how we want to hide and mask who we are. We want to put under cover our imperfections or ride on the coat tails of those things that truly don’t make us who we are.
We want to flaunt our genius and our trauma.
In hopes that others will think grander of what we have overcome, when in truth the most powerful soul aligned and beautiful thing we can ever do is surrender to our perfectly imperfect humanness.
That surrender is shown with our ability to laugh and let go of all our needs of acting like we got it all goin’ on and perfect.
As though we have no troubles,
We have no doubts.
We have life figured out.
As though we know ourselves when the last thing we ever reveal is truth in who we are.
The soul that let’s the ego stand embarrassed is a soul on fire with self-love.
If you are anything like me,
You may find yourself looking in the mirror,
Your life choices.
You may make excuses and call bullsh*t on yourself all in the same moment.
You may sit with your lover and wonder what they see in you.
Why are they still hanging out?
And in the same feel ever so grateful for the unconditional deep love they bring you into.
You may find yourself not wanting to mess up in life.
You may be super self critical and know that there is so much more that you could be and should be doing, hoping that no one discovers just how human you really are.
How far from f-cking perfect you actually reside.
Oh but baby,
You know what is beautiful beyond measure?
You know what show’s courage and strength like no other?
Taking the mask down.
Allowing yourself to see all those imperfections and loving yourself all the more.
Letting joy and play bless your life,
Knowing that when you truly connect,
Armour down with those you love,
That this is soul alignment.
That feeling of beauty that washes through you.
That feeling of happiness that shows itself upon your face.
That feeling of love that fills your heart.
That is truly who you are,
When you stand revealed in authenticity.
That is your soul aligned.
That is your truth.
And when you hide and run from what you deem imperfections, flaws and weakness you hide from YOU.
You hide from your strength.
And you stand in armour before those you love.
So go now,
Look in the mirror of self-criticism and hatred,
Smile into those beautiful eyes of yours,
Run your hands across that body in gratitude for the temple that it is and all that it allows you to experience.
Stand there and speak up your life.
Speak up your heart.
Speak up your truth,
And laugh at all those human imperfections.
You are beautiful beyond measure.
In love from my f-cking imperfect temple to yours,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers “
AS THE SAYING GOES… EVERY BODY IS BEAUTIFUL.
Some days however this forty-four year mama of seven has a tough f-cking time loving the skin I am in.
Some days all I can see are the stretch marks,
that my breasts are not as perky as I wish they were.
All I see are the few extra pounds,
the “love handles” that I do not love.
The jiggle and the wiggle of what I want to be lean and firm.
All I see is how imperfect this skin is.
And here I AM…
Each day is a challenge to balance body well-being, work and motherhood.
Add in my desire to connect daily with my man and I find it often extremely difficult to stay focused on the practices that I know help me to love the skin that I am in and see my inner radiance and my sexyiness as a woman who has given life multiple times over.
Yesterday I felt GORGEOUS.
Today I struggle.
My children yelp for my attention.
They fight and bicker as siblings do.
I look about this house of mine with all the chores that need completed. My list grows ever longer with work items, clients that need attention, friends that need support, taxes that need finished, and laundry… there is always laundry and dishes.
Today I see nothing but the drudgery of this day.
Trapped here in this body that as I pass a mirror I am frustrated with.
The scale never says what I want.
The skinny jeans that I am holding on to with hope of fitting in once again are collecting dust as they nag me from my closet shelf.
I pass by a mirror,
check myself out,
That is today.
Yesterday, I was lean, strong, turned on and felt full of desire for life.
For my man.
For our future together.
I was a rapture of juiciness and love.
I stretched my body out in the clean white sheets of our bed,
feeling each muscle move and open.
I arched my back and opened my chest to the heavens and drew my man in to kiss on it.
I felt yummy.
I felt beautiful.
I wanted to be in my skin.
And with that love and want my day was smooth and peaceful, passionate and fulfilling.
I felt no hast.
Only good vibes.
That was yesterday.
I am all of this, all the time.
As each woman is.
Our bodies and how we feel in them from waking to falling back asleep again has a radical impact on our life views and the energy that we put out into this world.
When we women feel yummy and juicy in our bodies.
When we are turned on to life, to our partners and to ourselves,
our worlds are juicy and supportive of our natural creative abilities.
Our view on life is expansive and we are strong in whom we are.
When we love the skin that we are in.
We are powerful.
EVERY BODY IS BEAUTIFUL.
And this is very true.
Our tiger stripes of pride,
our crows feet of laughter and wisdom.
Every grey hair and random hormone one that pops up where hair should never be.
We wrestle with our ego’s.
We fear that we are not desirable.
if we are not what we deem perfect.
See the world appreciating on social media, magazines and TV.
Real or fake.
Depending on what season we are in,
we are told what our beauty standards should be and how we should aim to meet them.
To be beautiful is to be young?
To be beautiful is to be slim?
To be muscular?
TO BE BEAUTIFUL IN TRUTH IS A FEELING.
It is nothing that our bodies will ever look like.
Never measure up to.
It is not a weight on a scale.
It is not to mimic our favorite celebrity or model.
It is a feeling.
And no one on this planet can make us feel that way permanently.
when our men look at us with love and adoration,
Do you truly believe that they see all our flaws?
Do you believe that they care that your makeup is not perfect?
Your hair needs attention?
That you are not revealing your most perfect pose,
(you know that one that you practice for selfies).
They see your beauty.
And not just your inner beauty.
They stand in awe at the goddess that they have in their life.
They are in love and desire for how our glance makes them feel.
They love watching us move.
Even the wiggle and the jiggle.
They love those little laugh lines they helped put upon your beautiful face.
They love the strength of your body.
How they can get lost in our touch.
And that feeling of beauty that they give to us…
That is our true radiance.
They are helping us to access WHO WE REALLY ARE.
They make it easy to be in alignment with our SOUL.
With our true beauty.
Because they don’t see our fear of imperfection.
They know our truth.
YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.
YOUR BODY IS BEAUTIFUL.
Love the skin you’re in.
And be compassionate to your heart, mind and body the days you do not.
WOMAN YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Calling all you BadA*s Mama’s Out There who want to love your body and feel empowered.
Reach out to me for a private 1:1 consultation to feel empowered in your skin EVERYDAY.
I NEVER WANT TO NOT GET LOST IN YOU.
That we come into frequently, I am in love with its pain…
that sounds poetically beautiful, but it’s true.
I never want to lose the surrender of my heart and soul to you.
I never want to be alright with us parting.
I never want to be ok with a rift between us.
I love our rawness.
I love our love.
You open my caverns to worlds I had believed were lost.
I hunger for the rapture of your touch,
for how your loving gaze ignites every fiber of my being,
as I catch you watching me from afar.
I can stare into your eyes for years,
lost in how I melt into nothing,
and yet feel everything.
My heart spasms in ecstasy as you draw me in and make me aware.
Aware of your intent.
Aware of your purpose.
Aware of just how you know that you will lead me.
Lead me home.
Back to us,
back to where we rest together,
entwined and free.
I carry you on my lips,
you run through my veins,
I AM LOST IN YOU.
They say that when two souls unit as one that there is a bond that is unmeasurable,
there is a pain found in the most microscopic time spent away from each other,
a hunger and yearning that has no reason.
Because the souls have no sense of time.
Once united the souls only desire is to remain together.
The world can wash away,
vision outside of us is blind.
And I am lost in you.
Craving only for your touch.
Your eyes upon mine.
Lost in this life trance of feeling found.
My shields are down.
My heart is surrendered.
My soul elated.
My body open.
There is no armour that I can hold.
A love beyond reason.
Beyond physical or anything one can comprehend.
I AM LOST IN YOU.
And in all my lostness, I AM FOUND.
I am home.
This poetry of soul goes out to all those who believe that they have found their soulmates, their twin flames and the one that sets them on fire.
There is a place that we can find peace,
that grace abounds,
and love overflows.
We touch on it in relationship here and there,
awakening us to the reality that there is something more.
Our souls know who we are and when they meet,
there is a SOUL YES that occurs.
It is unspoken.
Unmeasured to anything else.
It cannot be forced or created with skill or even time.
We can mimic, mask and attempts to believe that we have it,
but only until it graces our life path,
and opens our hearts,
do we truly KNOW.
A love like this is beyond reason.
A love like this breaks down all our armour and demands for us to surrender to it or be lost in hiding forever.
A love of this nature is what our storybooks try to depict,
and we ever have the sense it is out there awaiting us.
But the majority grow weary and tired.
Hungry for connection.
And settle for something less.
Always wanting for what they know is possible.
For those of you who feel the SOUL YES,
who have no doubt or question,
who look into the eyes of your lover,
and speak the silent language that only souls speak.
This musing is for you.
YOU ARE LOST.
and YOU ARE FOUND.
Let down your armour.
Bask in your awakening of coming home.
From my soul on fire to yours,
Always loving you from here.
Remember you are worthy.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
It’s time to live out loud, free and in love.
Manifest your soul relationship today.
Reach out to me for mentoring and the law of attraction in love, abundance and life happiness now.