What Getting Shot At Taught Me.

 

The bullets whirled past my head and shoulders. 

Horror encompassed every aspect of my being. 

We ran. We ran like there was no tomorrow because we did not know if there was one. 

I can still see the tall wheat grasses, golden in the afternoon sunlight, bending to our thrashing of them with each intensified step. 

I can grasp ahold of my only hope that we would clear the field, clear the firehouse doors and make it to Laura’s house. Laura was the woman I thought of as my grandmother, although she was of no blood relation or family to me. She and her brother Art lived across the field from us in a house that was built a hundred years before. I loved to play barbies in her house breezeway and under the remaining orange grove trees in the spring and summer. Laura would make me iced tea and we would sit in her rusty metal rocking chairs as she told me tales of her youth. Laura was my sanctuary as a child. Her house was a magical mystery from times I only saw in movies and read about and Laura with her long silver hair and dress from something like Little House on the Prairie was a woman who I felt safe with and on this Spring Day in 1980 my mother was hoping to find safety at Lauras as well. 

 

I was four-years old. My parents had been fighting off and on for a few days. My father had a temper, although most of the time he was calm, cool and collected. You never knew exactly what would set him off or when the eruption was going to happen. Life was peaceful and good 95% of the time and as long as everything was according to the order that he wanted it to be. My mother without true understanding pushed his buttons often with her carefree gypsy ways. However, today, today none of this was about any of that. It was about my mother wanting to visit her homeland of Germany and take me with her. It meant that we would be gone for four or five weeks, and I was so very excited about the adventures that lay before us on this journey. My father on the other hand, not so much. He was not good with his daughter leaving the country. 

 

And so, the fight erupted and without notice, the shouting led to fists through walls and breaking glass, doors slamming, and threats being made. I played outside, next to the old water cooler where I had built a shelter. I felt safe, was out of the way, and could still hear everything. But today my mom ran to my little dome habitat and grabbed my hand, told me to drop everything and come. Barbie in hand she pulled me with all her might as we rushed through the yard and into the field toward Laura’s house. Her weeping was loud, and I did not understand what was happening. 

 

Not until I heard the ring of my daddy’s pistol. 

And then I understood. 

 

I understood that he was mad and that something my mom had done had made him so. 

I understood that in order to keep the peace with the man I looked up to, who was my world (because I was daddy’s little girl, he walked on water many days with me), the man who I believed would never hurt me, always keep me safe, loved me, cherished me and that I respected without question… I understood that this peace was shattered. 

So much so that he was willing to shoot at us. 

At me. 

I had witnessed my father’s rage on a few occasions, and I already knew that he was not a man to be reckoned with. His word was the end of the line. He allowed me massive freedom in so many ways but demanded that I earn it. That I prove my worth and that I walk the line he had for me, and he demanded the same in a respect of my mother. 

 

This day in my fourth year of life was a day that bore with it an education around a relationship with a man that I am pretty sure my daddy never wanted me to experience nor have ingrained at the level that it buried itself in my psyche. But that is the path of parenting, we are still humans, and we are wounded humans at that. We allow our ego’s, our fear and pain to overrun us like my dad had done on this day and we act without the foresight of what the repercussions are for those we love. Often these repercussions are years long and sometimes a lifetime. 

 

What my daddy set in motion this day and events prior and after was the lesson of: 

 

PISS A MAN OFF, GET HURT.

Don’t do what you know will keep the peace…

Speak up too much…

Don’t get it right…

Show too much emotion…

Or opinion…

Do anything that is not pleasing to what he wants and there WILL be hell to pay. 

Perhaps even death.

 

I did make friends with the idea of death on this day and a few others that came close in similar events, and that is not a bad thing. I have understood that life is fleeting, and you never know when it’s gift of breath in your lungs will be taken from you, so enjoy the moment while you have it and be the best you that makes you feel good about yourself. Don’t take anything for granted. 

 

Those are the gifts from this traumatic event. 

The hard lessons that I have spent my life retraining myself on however, so that I can release myself from the shackles that I bought into in my youth, the ones that I get triggered daily with in my relationship with my partner, the ones that my clients bring to me and they wonder why I understand so deeply the fear, the need to be approved of, to not rock the apple cart in their relationships, the lessons that have seeped their way out and rebirthed themselves into sabotaging patterns with my friends and children. Those are the nasty boogers that just tear my heart out and demand that I find all the courage that I can muster up to overcome and get out of the comfort of what  my psyche believes is true, and because of this illusion my body has been trained to believe it as well so looks for the feelings that it associates with this “truth” in the day to day relating of life and then reacts from there creating a vicious cycle.

 

But it’s not. 

 

You see, I write this musing today because of a conversation a while back with my partner. I shared the anxiety that I feel so often in our relationship. It’s funny, he does nothing to cause it, but if we have any amount of confrontation, difference of opinion or if I simply perceive that he is pulling away for any reason my inner four-year-old little girl takes off running in fear for her very life. 

Except I can’t blame my mom for upsetting the apple cart, I am the woman in the event rattling the cages and I stand before this man who I believes loves my every cell, has given so much of his life in our short time together to me and has done nothing but prove he will stand in the fire with me. There is no convincing my four-year-old though that she is safe. She has a track record from youth to other relationships to prove that she is not safe.  No matter how drastically different he is or our relationship in comparison to the past …

 

She points to all the childhood moments when her father showed no love or concern but only rage and torment. 

She points to the lies of her high school love and the abandonment she experienced. 

She points to her saga of marriage where every day was about fighting, was about survival, emotional betrayals and sexual expectation’s. Being told she was crazy, being told that she was the problem and then damned for walking away from the marriage. 

She points to the emotional warfare of her narcissistic, stonewalling sexually abusive relationship that followed that ended by her being physically broken and in the hospital. 

She points to the crazy she did not see in her relationships; the way men have always only wanted to control her and called that love. 

 

That four-year old has seen more than any child should ever have too. 

And today she finds herself recognizing her truth. 

She sees the lessons and she knows that they set a tone for a relationship with a man.

They set up an illusion as to what she should expect, should give, and should want in an intimate relationship. Creating weak boundaries. Poor self-worth. And a high level of responsibility for anything that appears to be wrong. A quick retreat. An even quicker need to run, to hide the delicate self.

 

Now, the grown ass woman, she knows this is all BS!!!!

She knows at her core that love does not demand that you see eye to eye or that one caves to the other and gives of themselves that, that deflates the very essence of who one is. The woman knows that love means that you accept the human error of your partner. That you cherish them even when they upset the apple cart. Your cart.

 

She is wise. 

Not blaming her daddy, her mother or anyone she has ever been in relationship with and at the same time not owning it all for herself. Because she can allow herself to feel her pain, her fear, and let her tears fall to the ground where they will grow something beautiful. She can see that we are all victims of victims, wounded children acting from places that we do not recognize and causing us to fear this world. We are all scared. 

 

Scared to lose. 

Fearful of not being enough. 

Or good enough for the one that we love. 

And many of us do not understand that love means letting go, 

While we cling to it with all the hope and enthusiasm as a child on Christmas morning. 

No, we forget that love is fire that can be easily put out through control. 

And that in our desire to control it to keep us and the one we love safe that in turn we make our beloved a slave.

We do not mean to cause harm.

We do not intend on creating trauma. 

Yet we do. 

 

But it always takes two to make lasting damage. 

It takes two who are willing to dance in this sea of the ego. 

 

I have had a life of emotional, physical, sexual abuse. 

I could easily write this with the concept that life is not fair. 

That I am a victim. 

Or stay in the comfort of believing that how I perceive things is accurate for my relationships and that I am not worthy, not enough, too much to handle, too emotional, to ‘broken’ and not loveable. That would have a strange sense of security to it because these are belief structures that I grew up with, that I was shown and taught in significant ways. 

However, that path will never be one that offers me the depth and truth that my soul craves. 

It will only lead me into a deeper concept that love is something that you must sacrifice yourself for and that I am only allowed it “If I do what is required in the way that is demanded.”

It will never offer authentic emotionally mature relating, mature love. 

And I would never achieve healing or happiness. 

I would remain shackled to these false truths and beliefs. 

My reality would not ever be altered. 

And I would simply find no more reason to babble on here. 

Why bother?

 

I share this tale like any of my tales with you because I want to provide you hope.

Hope and lessons, concepts at very least to help you see that you can achieve the life that you want for. You are worthy of it because you have a beating heart and air in your lungs, that is all that is required for your worthiness to have a good life. I want you to know that if a little girl from a nowhere spot in Northern California who grew up with not a whole lot can see that she is worthy and loveable just the way that she is, so can you. 

I want you to be able to take my words and ask yourself, “Why am I accepting these lies as my truths? Why am I accepting so little for my life, for my relationship, my wellbeing? Why am I believing the triggering fear that stems from my body’s reactions to an illusion that it embraces as reality?“ And I want for you to get mad!!! I want you to be frustrated and tired of just letting life go by with some silly concept that you are going to survive it and that your days here mean nothing. 

 

I want you to breathe in the fear of your inner child, 

Comfort that sweet baby, 

And grow the f-ck up. 

Stop letting that kid rule your world with his/her perceptions. 

Look your loved one in the eye and find a drop of faith that they actually love you.

And look yourself in the eye and find a drop of faith that God has a plan for you and that you might just like what is in store. 

 

No matter what your story is, take it from this wounded soul…

You can change that story. 

It’s going to take you wanting to so badly though, that you are willing to sacrifice the comfort of living in what you have been accepting all these years.

But you are worth that sacrifice and life is meant to be a beautiful, fulfilling thing. 

Not just something to exist in. 

 

Loving you from here always. 

Stop Existing & Start Living

-KW

The body holds memory in its cells. Your organs, joints and muscles all contain emotional memory. Doing the mental/psychological work is vitally important however it does not release you from the bondage of your trauma. This can only be fully accomplished through physical release and restoration.  Louise Hay studied this at great length and taught on the emotional connection to disease, ancient Chinese medicine studied the connection of the mind/body/emotional houses as well. Today science is proving that we are woven together and that by attempting to compartmentalize our very being into sections that we do not achieve the healing and transformation that we desire for any length of time because of this separation.

If you are tired of not having the lasting results in your self-growth and healing that you so badly want for and wonder why, look no further.  Reach out to me today for your exploratory consult for structural quantum integration work where you will once and for all release the past traumas, restore vitality and health and have a fresh clarity on who you are and what your future can be.

Email me today.

 

Why Women Give Themselves Up In Relationship.

“ Why did you come home a different path than what you normally do?” Stew asked Rachel before she could even get her car door closed. 

 

“ You are over 15 minutes late and how many times have I told you that I don’t like that? Hmmm…You are so stupid. I can’t trust you with anything. I hope you had fun on your little adventure on the way home.”

 

Rachel could feel her heart racing. 

The tension in her chest, the nausea rising. 

Your stomach was upside down and in knots. 

She felt worthless, stupid, and as if she always messing everything up. 

It could have been a nice evening at home. 

They could have just enjoyed dinner, a glass of wine and chilled watching their favorite show, but no, she messed it up yet again. Stew always made her aware of her screw ups and how disappointed he was in her. He was good at making sure that she held the blame for the “bullsh*t” as he called it, and made sure that she was aware of how little trust he had in her and that she was nothing but a stupid child who needed constant reprimand. 

 

“F-ck You!” Robert yelled at Sally as he slammed the door shut. 

“You are my wife. You should not disrespect me like that.”

 

Sally breathed deeply, trying to keep her composure as she finished getting ready for bed. 

She knew that if she took too long that things would get worse for her. She also knew that if she raced out after him that he would only yell something else and potentially get physical. So she breathed, let a few tears fall, looked herself in the mirror and told herself, ‘Everything is going to be okay, we are going to make it through this.” Then walked calmly as she could with her knees trembling out of the bathroom and into the bedroom where Robert had planted himself on the far edge of the bed, eye’s closed and obviously disgusted and ready to attack. Sally sat down on the bed next to him and said, “Honey, let’s talk about this. I just wanted to know what you wanted with the video, it made me feel uncomfortable.” Robert sprung up off the bed in a rage, yelling…

 

“You are my f-cking wife, you don’t need to know what I want with anything. I can do whatever I want with pictures and videos of you.”

 

Sally sat still as can be, looking down at the bed. 

She knew that she could not say anything else. 

Or be accused of not loving him, not caring, disrespecting and so much more. 

 

Tyson leaned in grabbed Steph’s long hair and pulled her back so that he could whisper in her ear. They were in the thrawls of sex and it was getting really heated. He pulled her head back, wrapped his hand around her hips and said, “You are so f-cking hot. You are so wet. I want to see another woman going down on you. I want to see her enjoying you.” Steph felt a moment of panic in her body, tightness crossed over her breasts. Her heart began to ach. She did not want to wreck his fantasy but she was the furthest thing from aroused at this idea. Tyson loved to “talk dirty” and he loved to paint images of wild and risky events in her ears during sex. Steph hated it all. She just wanted to be with him. Every time Tyson spoke of other men, women, threesomes and moresomes, gang bangs, and risky locations she found herself in a state of fear. She could no longer feel pleasure or be present there in the moment with him. And she did not want to burden her husband with her silliness as he called it when she tried to share that she was not into these things. He always would  paint the tale and then tell her that he could tell how turned on she was from it, that she wanted it. If she said anything different then he would get angry, stonewall her for days and only tell her that she was so closed down and disconnected from herself that she could not even tell when she was aroused. But he knew. 

 

These are all true stories!

These are my clients of the past. ( names changed to keep privacy)

Women who shared with me the deep pain that they went through consistently in their relationships. The stress that these things put them under and now here they sat before me wanting to unravel the mess that had been taught to them, that they had somehow started to believe was true. 

 

Now one might wonder how can anyone believe something of any of these natures if it just is not so. It is obvious to the outside reader of these tales that these are women who are being abused emotionally, physically and mentally. You might say they should just wake up and get a divorce, save themselves. Not always that easy and everyone has their own reasons as to why that is not always on the table. Most of the time the woman in this instance believes that she is responsible for how her partner is treating her and that she even has it coming. 

 

Ingrained in her psyche from the earliest of years, the majority of women are taught to look pretty, be kind, always put others first, keep the peace and do what is needed or expected of them. 

 

These teachings support the nature of the feminine fully to be peace keepers and nurturers. However they do not support a healthy relationship container, nor a healthy individual. 

 

Women suffer from depression, anxiety and other stress related disorders more than men do across the board. 

 

Upto five times more women suffer from such ailments as TMJ, hormone dysfunctions, migraine and an array of autoimmune disorders than men. Over fifty percent of women surveyed in multiple studies said that they suffered from “high stress levels” and that their stress has increased immensely over the last few years where only one in four men said the same. 

 

70% of women claim they don’t orgasm during sex. 

A striking 60% plus claim that their male partner has forced sex on them even after they said that they did not want it. 

It is an understatement to say that that only 60% of women have been sexually violated at some point in their lives, and almost that many have also experienced physical and/or emotional and mental abuse as well from a male close to them. 

 

These acceptances in relationship start in a woman’s youth. 

The expectations that she is taught from age three forward. 

Her relationship with her father, brothers, uncles and other men. 

How she is looked upon, the remarks made, and then the constant awareness that she is responsible for the actions, words and even thoughts of the men that come into her life. 

 

She is trained to care at all cost for the man in her life. 

To sacrifice her own needs and boundaries even. to make sure that he is happy and satisfied and she is taught that if she does not do this that it is to be expected to be “punished.”

 

In today’s world of feminist rights and movements, you would think that these ideas would have been put to rest a decade or so ago at very least, and they are starting to loosen around the feminine but now are turning toward the masculine where we women are attempting to make right the wrongs by inflicting our pain and revenge on men. However, all we are truly doing is creating more pain for both sexes. We are traumatizing all sides and we are putting all the more stress and anxiety on we women as we believe strong heartedly that all men are toxic. We now undervalue the beauty and strength of the masculine leadership, logical minds, ability to nurture in their own way and stand true at their core. These characteristics however are only instilled in the masculine if they are raised to believe in themselves and to value and trust the feminine. Our men of today and of the last few decades have been raised by a scorned feminine. They have witnessed the pain of both sexes and they do not know where they stand or what it means to be a man in our world. 

 

There is truly no safe haven for man or woman in todays world. 

And we have all been raised by victims. 

 

So where does this musing of today take us?

What is the take away that I want for you to gain from this message here?

 

First, I want to share that my above client stories all came to me because the men wanted change for their relationship and woman. Although, none understood what they were truly asking nor what they would get, they were the leaders of the change. They were the ones who said, “Something has to happen here. She needs to find her power, her self-love and worth.”

The women, most of them would have chosen to remain in the same shoes, to not cause a stir in their relationship. They would have sacrificed the rest of their years on this planet not initiating, not speaking their truth, staying the peacekeepers that they were and having limited confrontation. Because that is how a woman thinks and believes. 

She does not want to fight. 

She wants everyone to just get along. 

 

And she will deal with herself, 

Her emotions and fears, 

Her negative thoughts and her broken heart most likely in the parking lot of the grocery store. Alone. Parked and crying until she feels spent and able to move again. 

 

Next, relationship…. All relationship is about power. 

There is delicate harmony to the dance of power, and intimate relationship all the more delicate because it deals with the heart. It deals with our hopes and dreams. It is the one space that many will do what they would never do anywhere else. They will speak the cruelest of words to one they hold so dear because they know that they can get away with it. They will say yes when they are hard no because they do not want to be a disappointment or let the other down. They will accept so much less from their partner and take more on for themselves. And they will do all of this good and bad alike because of their positioning in the relationship and how they have been taught. You see, its all a cookie cutter thought process. Its about what we will accept for ourselves, how we value ourselves and what we have been taught to believe and look for in the opposite sex. 

 

Unfortunately, none of this is healthy. 

None of this has anything to do with love of our mate. 

It only reveals how we view ourselves and what we will accept. 

It shows our scars. 

It shows how easily we will give ourselves away in a multitude of ways and even let our health be destroys all for the attention and approval if only for one second in time from another. 

 

These men, who brought their wives in to “get fixed” all said the same thing in their consult. 

“ I love her. I want her to see how powerful beautiful and radiant she is. I want her to speak her truth even if it hurts. I want her to know that I support her.”

 

However, as the women learned to speak their truth which is where they found their power and self-love and worth, the men found themselves being told the truth more and this caused more pain, more confrontation, fights, anger, rage and sometimes trauma. Some of these couples are no longer together. The men discovered that as amazing and hot as it sounds to be with an empowered woman who will tell you the truth that they could not bare to be with her any longer, they wanted something less testing in their relationship. They did not want to hear her pain, her disagreement, her thoughts. And the women discovered that they needed a man that was willing to truly listen to her as well as himself. They discovered that they required and deserved a man who was willing to work on himself as well and valued her for all her feminine tendencies instead of looking at these natural characteristics as betrayals or disrespect. 

 

And the couple who made it through this edgy space of healing?

Well they discovered who each of them were. 

They learned how to communicate without violence. 

They learned how to stop blaming and jumping to conclusions. 

They learned how to remain present in the issue and moment with each other. 

And above all else, they learned to let go of the need to be right. 

To be seen or understood, even by their partner. 

And that they were never going to fully heal their wounds of the past or overcome the triggers associated with them, but that they could inquire into the self as, “how does this support our relationship right now and what can I do to better hear my partner?”

 

If you take nothing but this last line away with you today, then that my dear reader is enough. 

 

Know that you are worthy. 

You are whole and enough.

And it is always okay to make mistakes, 

You will not get it right all the time. You will not always stand strong in your word even. 

Some days you will fall great distances. 

Because you are human. 

And so is your partner. 

 

As Always, 

Stop Existing & Start Living

 

  • Kendal Rene’

 

INTIMACY, CRAZY EMOTIONAL WOMEN & THE IMPACT ON RELATIONSHIPS.

🙏Intimacy is a totally different dimension. It is allowing the other to come into you, to see you as you see yourself.🙏

 

This is a powerful quote to ponder from Osho.

 

” I stood in the bathroom, scrubbing the bathroom sink, trying to change my outlook. Attempting to calm my ravenous emotions that seemed to be hungry wolves out to kill and destroy what I valued most. Heart racing, gut churning. All I could envision was the worst case scenario and I knew that once again I would be standing alone in life. Certain that the emotionally turbulent seas that I found myself in, my boat crashing upon the shores of my fear, my trauma, my knowing that I was going to mess up yet again and push away love was without a doubt right before me.

 

I had let him in too close.

That was the issue.

I had fallen hopelessly in love with this man and now I had something to lose. Making me lost is an internal sea of fear and lack of worthiness.

 

The more unworthy I felt, the more lost, the more pathetic and all the more certain that THIS was the moment that he would say goodbye.

 

I was being an emotionally unpredictable woman.

I was crying out from my hormonal pit of despair.

Haunted by all the ghosts in my closet and terrified that I could not express my heart.

That he would not  see me, feel me, know me.

Only wanting for these things.

Wanting for HIM to be like no other man before, and fight for me.

Even though the fight at this moment was with me.”

 

Women are emotional creatures to say the least.

Women’s hormonal balance is oh so delicate.

I used to think that it was a bunch of bull bunk that women used to get away with shiz, and it certainly can be. However, so much causes hormonal turbulence and I can bear witness and experience to you that when we women tank on all the “good vibe” hormones we crash into  our own darkest seas and fear our very existence.

But that is another tale for another day.

 

Letting a man into this emotional space,

This space where we often run and hide from our own inner demons and devils is vulnerable AF!

We women grow up learning that men cannot handle this space and that they DO NOT desire a woman who is emotionally up and down.

 

For the most part on a man’s list of qualities desired in a woman you will find in the top five that men want “drama free” or “low drama,” for a woman to be “emotionally sound” and sure AF not “crazy.” Because every man has been with crazy at some point and this is scary to them with good reason.

 

The one minor, not so minor issue is that ALL women have their crazy moments, their hormone raging moments, their deep dark depressions, fear and emotionally unsound feelings.

For the most part if all is well with the woman, you will find that the typical cause of these events is STRESS. You can say she should learn to manage that. Or get some hormone replacement. Get laid…and so many other things. Positive thinking and planning does not always help the stress situation. Sometimes a woman cannot see past the dark clouds of her own inner storms. Trying to be rational causes even more stress  in these moments. Trying to be positive causes anxiety.

 

The issue of stress on a woman’s body, mind, hormones, emotions and thus relationship with self and then life and partner is unbelievable.

 

And the feeling of loss is detrimental.

Only creating a greater whirlwind.

 

David Deida speaks about how a woman will test her man to make certain that he is stable at his core and can support her.

He also makes mention often of “standing in her fire.”

This is what he is speaking about.

You see we women in these moments are only witnesses, or mere onlookers ourselves when the fire comes down and we start to rage. It is like we see it happening, part of us is screaming, “No… no… just stop! Shut up! What are you doing/saying? We don’t mean that. Or want to hurt you and us like this.” However, that part of us, that internal witness has been muzzled in these times and we find ourselves hijacked by our pain bodies, our trauma, our fear of loss of not being good enough or being too much. And self-destruction wins. The fire burns and if a man is willing, if he truly loves his woman, and IF he is strong in himself then and only then can he stand in her fire, this fire.

 

🔥AND IT IS A FIRE OF INTIMACY.🔥

It is a fire of her allowing him into her inner realms of fear, of pain, and trauma. Where she wants nothing more than him to grab her, hold her close and say, “I got you. We are going to make it through your pain and fear. I am strong. I am here.”

 

This vulnerably deep space of the feminine that no woman today wants to express out of concern for being called another crazy woman. Of being dropped like a hot potato. Of not being strong enough to just not have these feminine storms.

 

I means sh*t its 2021, we should have evolved past this emotional nature and hormonal imbalances. We should have our sh*t in order, be able to take something to calm our nerves and make us more manageable for ourselves, our relationship and for life.

 

Many women do just this.

Mask the emotion.

Pharmaceutical drugs.

Maryjane.

Alcohol.

Sleep agents.

Work. work. work.

Masterbation and porn.

And many other sidetrackers.

Typically combinations of these above.

 

Of which none actually deal with the cause or are helpful or healthy long term. They just end up creating a numbness to life and a total avoidance to self.

 

It is us women putting down the fight and in turn fleeing.

Fleeing from ourselves.

From our truth. From our pain and our fear.

And ultimately from our relationship, our love, our man.

 

Have you ever wondered why so many men often say she used to be so alive, excited, vibrant. She used to desire me. She used to smile and laugh. Life has just taken it out of her I guess…

 

Yes life took it out and she exhausted herself trying to hold herself together.

She made a choice between everything else in her life including her relationship and family and herself.

 

As many smart women do and always have done.

They step away from what brings perceived trouble and they put their focus on what will bring harmony and peace. Even if it costs them their “aliveness.”

 

And somewhere in this loss of vitality and truth, they convince themselves that they are happy and they are just doing what is needed.

 

I am going to say something different however!

 

This is why there is so much divorce.

This is why women cheat.

This is why women over eat or starve themselves.

This is why they seem like they don’t care or throw themselves into something that may appear meaningless.

 

👉👊BECAUSE THEY ARE HIDING FROM THEMSELVES!👈🤯

 

and they do not know how to communicate what they need from their partner, from life, or from SELF.

 

They have literally been trained to believe that it is not safe, good or acceptable to be a woman. Yet to be a woman, a sexy, smart, strong, confident, great mom, with a great job, and a great homemaker to boot, is expected, and DO NOT forget emotionally stable ALL THE TIME.

 

👊👊👊Women no longer know their place in this world or in relationships. 👊👊👊

 

I personally thank the feminist movement for this back in the 60’s and 70’s. One great step forward for women’s rights, with a ripple impact that may cause us to be among some of the most lost, sad, exhausted and FAKE AF! women ever known to the history of humankind.

 

Women are not the only one’s paying the price here either.

 

Our men, our children and ultimately our world pays with us.

 

👩Women are the “home”makers.

👩Women are the nurturers.

👩Women are the foundation, the center point to family.

👩And they are the cheerleaders of men.

👩They are the cheerleaders of youth.

👩They are the teachers of respect, compassion, empathy, and unconditional love.

 

Today however…

They still try to manage all of this.

They attempt to be all this.

But with it they also carry the load of the masculine.

They weaken themselves by not allowing support out of fear that if they need support they will not be desired.

That the fact that they are human,

that they are a woman,

that “yeah, they may not have it all put together,”

makes them disposable.

 

And that is the FEAR.

 

WOMEN FEAR BEING DISPOSABLE.🤯

 

And they accept it.

They even embrace it.

That is why they lean heavy into feminist statements and beliefs.

That is why they condemn men.

And take the lead so much.

Because they figure that they will be replaced anyway, so why should they let a man into their heart and trust him.

Share this inner realm with him, open their soul to him.

???????

 

👉Every woman today has been walked out on in some way. 👈

 

Every woman has been raped physically, emotionally, menatlly.

Every woman knows that she cannot depend on this world, on men, and often not on family and friends.

 

We are a broken sex.

A wounded multi-generation.

We have lost our power by attempting to gain it.

 

So what is the answer?🤨

 

IT’S ALWAYS AN INSIDE JOB.

 

👊It always comes back to learning to love yourself, being willing to explore your shadow lands and move past, let go of the trauma and put your attention on the present.

 

👊It’s always about doing the cognitive behaviour work to make the impacting changes required to be able to connect, relate and develop positive relationships.

 

👊Learning how you store trauma and negative emotion and programs in your cellular tissue and what you can do to fully purge yourself from them.

 

👊Wanting as well as being willing to transform yourself and build trust in yourself so that you can trust your man, your relationship once again.

 

👊Seeing your own hold backs and how you self-sabotage is vital to healing any relationship and building trust, love and a willingness to open your heart and soul as well as establish healthy emotional responses.

 

👊Learning how to ask for what you want and need from a partner.

 

👉👉😔WOMEN SAY THEY WANT A MAN, A LIFE PARTNER, BUT THEY ARE TYPICALLY UNWILLING TO WAIVER ON LETTING GO OF THEIR WOUNDS TO HAVE ONE.👈👈🤯

 

My partner asked me in the moment of my emotional breakdown shared above, “Are you going to let your trauma and wounds be a self fulfilling prophecy?”

 

My hurt little girl responded with a scorned, “Possibly, what choice do I have? It already is happening. You are going to leave me, I know you will.”

 

He just stood there.

Unwavering.

Looking at me.

 

I wanted him to grab me.

I wanted him to pull me in close and squeeze all this fear out of me.

I wanted him to build a fortress around me and protect me from ME.

 

He could not give this to me.

 

He could hold me, listen, say he loves me and that he does not want any of that. But he could not save me from my own inner demons and devils.

 

THAT was my battle.

I had to save us, not just me.

But first I had to speak my fear.

I had to share my worries.

I had to see my crazy, emotional rollercoaster for what it was.

NOT TRUE.

 

I share this today with you because I have heard a lot lately about the crazy emotional state of the feminine.

 

I know that we women are hard to understand.

I know that we trigger our men into fear and distrust based on our emotional responses.

 

And that in itself is not healthy, right or emotionally mature.

So I share to awaken the women out there who want to heal, want to have happy healthy relationships and trust in love again.

 

I share for the men out there that look at women and say, ” I love her, I want to be with her, BUT…”

Who find themselves triggered by her emotions, her fear, her doubt, her self-sabotage.

 

Gentlemen, stand strong in who you are.

Do not be intimidated.

Do not fear asking her to come back to herself, like my man did for me. Know that she may not respond the way you want in the moment, but that it will sink in. She did hear you.

DO NOT RUN from her at this moment. That will only create more abandonment and fear, it will convince her that she is right and that you will not fight for her.

 

🤺A woman wants and needs her man to fight for her. 🤺

 

She needs him to help her slay her inner demons and devils.

And he does this through his heart.

She does not need him to fix it or her.

She just needs him to create a container for her to pour her fears into and to see that he is capable of not drowning from them.

She needs his leadership in these times, which comes from his ability to be logical in the unlogic. To be sound, solid yet compassionate in her fire.

 

🤺She needs him to conquer her.🤺

 

That same fear energy, that crazy, the uproar, it is stuck creative sexual energy.  It has been lodged due to stress, fear of speaking truth, programs, beliefs and all the little things that seem like nothing but are so much that she will never fess up to being caught up in.

 

And she NEEDS YOU to help her move it.

She yells cruelties because she wants you to kiss her.

She throws plates and shoes because she wants to be made love to.

She weeps before you because she wants you to hold her heart and see her.

 

She needs your physical strength and support.

She needs your emotional stability with compassion and patience.

 

She does not need you to war against her.

But to have her back in her darkest valleys of self.

 

That’s all…lol

 

Big order to fill.

I get it.

And many men cannot do this because they themselves have not or are not willing to build their own inner realms of strength in who they are.

 

As a society we have broken down men.

We have made them evil for being men.

We have scared them away from leadership and told them “not to control” and we have taught them that leading a family, woman, life path is not good.

We  have weakened our men into boys and we have drugged our women into hiding their feminine.

 

And so I ask you reader,

Male or female,

Are you willing and wanting to meet yourself?

To strengthen who you are?

To know what you need and desire in a partner, in a relationship and are you willing to stand in the depths of healing?

 

Because you see, intimate relationships, committed partnerships do one thing for sure…

 

IT FORCES US TO MEET OURSELVES AND TO HEAL.

as well as to support our mate.

 

My whole coaching system is dedicated and centered around these core things. Learning how to navigate and communicate what you want in a relationship by learning your soul-values.

 

 

As always, if you want to learn if coaching is something of potential assistance and value to you calling in your soulmate relationship or reigniting your couplehood then reach out to me today for a FREE Clarity Call! Where we will start the process of discovery, activation and healing to unite you to SOUL!

 

 

Loving you from here.

 

Stop Existing & Start Living

 

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

IS GOING MONOGAMOUS AFTER BEING POLYAMOROUS LEVELING UP YOUR RELATIONSHIP?

👊💥👉IS GOING MONOGAMOUS AFTER BEING POLYAMOROUS LEVELING UP YOUR RELATIONSHIP?😳👈

 

It’s a personal thing.

Well it should be a personal thing.

 

Recently I saw a status update from a man who was in a polyamorous relationship with a woman and she was in a relationship with another man. She decided that she wanted to “level up ” her relationship with this other man and came to the man I know and shared her decision and reasons. Although he was hurt, he understood and they parted with respect and understanding.

 

Another person recently shared that they had gone through something similar:

 

Can anyone relate? Several love connections have recently decided to monogamously close their new relationships

We’ve stayed in touch, but there’s been no acknowledgment or curiosity of how this transition may affect the feelings of someone who still has active desires. While I believe everyone has the absolute freedom to decide what relationship structure they desire at the moment, I’m having emotions around the lack of attunement or transitional “aftercare”. 😔

 

Now granted this share stirrers a bunch for me and I will be sharing it over the week as we go along but for today I am focusing on the transition from poly to monogamous and why some people feel it is “leveling up” a relationship.

 

As many of you may be aware, I was once upon a time married for almost two decades. It was a monogamous marriage, very traditional, very normal by the standards and we had with it all the typical challenges that come with marriage.

 

I realized over the course of time that I felt trapped. I felt unseen. I felt controlled and like I had to sacrifice pieces of myself to keep the marriage going. I found myself not speaking my truth, hiding my emotions and thoughts around tons of things and it was all eating away at me. I became dead to life, caloused to my heart and feelings, as well as to my sex and a zombie in so many ways.

 

So one day, I decided that things had to change and I asked for a divorce.

 

My purpose was now to discover myself, learn myself, my sex, my body, my likes and dislikes. I felt like I had been living according to what my husband wanted of me and the lack of integrity was ridiculous. So my only focus in finding myself was to remain in integrity at all cost.

 

This concept of radical integrity which I quickly discovered was hard AF!

And scary, it was beautiful beyond measure.

It allowed me a space to do exactly what I wanted.

Learn me.

 

I entered this next phase of my life, dating multiple men, speaking what I wanted, setting boundaries on time, my heart and my sex that I felt good about. I was in control of myself.

 

Giving my best to each partner I chose to share myself with and getting only the aspects of them that they wanted to give, which was of course the best aspects. The fun. The play, the ability to hold space, to listen and share without concern or judgment.

It was beautiful.

 

Or was it?

As time went on, I truly believed that I was most likely not meant for just “one ”. After almost two decades of control and rules that monogamy seemed to impose on couples, I truly believed that it was not healthy or loving. I believed that monogamy was only for small minded, control based relationships where relationships were based in fear, insecurity, need and a desire to control someone else. I counted monogamy as an ego driven style of relating.

 

🙏Open relationships felt more loving and accepting. 🙏

 

It felt safer.

 

I did not have to put all my eggs into one basket.

I did not have to have needs met by one.

And that was a loving thing, to not expect everything from “one.”

 

As time went on, I found myself moving into less open relating and wanting more depth and connection with just a couple of men.

 

Here I landed into a double primary relationship, where I had two men and I was the primary to each of them and they to me.

 

Allowing for my stability in my life.

And for some amount of years we were pretty successful in our poly-based relationship.

 

That was we were successful UNTIL “I” got really stable in who I was, what I wanted, what I liked and did not like and spoke my truth.

 

My one partner was highly upset that  after years of going along with things and being playful and adventurous, I suddenly changed my ways and had harder boundaries in what I wanted and did not enjoy in our sexing. He stated that I did not know myself. Saying that I needed to trust him. You see he was great with me having boundaries around my heart that I had instilled through open relationship where it was vital for me to not get overly attached to anyone and lose myself in them.  But when it came to my boundaries around my sex and body, he was frustrated with me. He wanted to act out his fantasies with my body and he wanted me to want it and trust him in it. Of which I could not because his fantasies were not mine AND he did not penetrate my heart.

 

My other partner, with him I could soften and move into our sexing with ease. I trusted him here. I knew that he wanted for my pleasure and safety not for his fantasy. He had accessed a bit more of my heart and I was wanting to move more into that lush space with him. I wanted to go deeper and commit more. And so I found myself requesting to move to a more monogamous relationship with him.

 

Now granted he chose differently.

He did not want that with me.

He found it with someone else and he set me free.

 

Thank goodness he did too.

Because he gifted me with the best thing ever, my freedom.

Freedom to get very clear on what I really was aligned too and what I really desired in relationship.

 

I had learned so much from all my experiences.

And I knew that what I truly wanted was depth in a relationship.

I knew that I wanted to surrender fully into a relationship and let my heart be held by another.

 

I was tired of the armour that an open relationship had created in its attempt to drop all the armour that had been created in the monogamous marriage of my past.

 

And so fast forward to NOW.

 

👉The relationship that I was not  ready for 25 years ago when I was still married.

 

👉The relationship that I could not have handled just two years ago as I sorted through my feelings, perspectives and views on freedom, commitment and authentic love.

 

👉The relationship that over a decade ago I was not ready for because I believed that immersion was bad and ego based.

 

Today I am monogamous.

And so many people ask me, “WHY?”

 

How can I go from being so open in love, relationship and sex to only having “ONE?”

 

“So in the past you have had non monogamous relationships, but it seems like now you are happy in a monogamous relationship.  So do you think that was because It ultimately wasn’t the right relationship in the past?  Or do you think it was more about where you were in your life and what you wanted at that time vs now?  Or was it more about the partner and what they were comfortable or ok with? Or a combo of all.” – Client inquiry.

 

💥💥💥And to these people and the individuals above who recently went through a transition in their polyamorous loves “leveling up” to monogamy I say this…

 

To some yes, monogamy means all the negative terms I shared and more. It means control and loss of rights. It means that you sacrifice who you are, what you want to explore and who you get to explore with.

 

But when someone is moving from polyamory to monogamy, if they are not being pressured into it but actually want it, it is because they are wanting “more” in their relationship.

 

More:

👉depth

👉commitment

👉transparency

👉trust

👉respect

👉aligned goals

👉connection

👉surrender

👉heart

 

And they have come through the beautiful education of what polyomourous relationships teach and offer and are ready to fully immerse themselves into what they feel is “home.”

 

Why have I come back full force to monogamy?

Simple….

 

💥HE SEE”S ALL OF ME – There is nothing hidden in my relationship. He has witnessed me through a few years in different relationship labels and he has seen my weakness, my fears, my inner battles, my demons. He knows me and he is willing to keep unearthing the parts of me by my side as I go deeper into my soul and heart with him. He continues to choose me, all the while standing strong in who he is and what he needs and wants in our relationship.

 

 

💥WE ARE ALIGNED IN MIND< HEART< SOUL AND BODY – This means that our values are aligned in these areas. We have taken the time not only to delve into each other and truly listen and watch, but to also stand in vulnerability with each other and share. Our lives blend together with ease, not asking either one of us to make massive life changes or be something that we are not. Our views on the world are similar. We live in a dance of joint commitment to relationship happiness and strength instead of who is right or wrong.

 

💥A WHOLE PACKAGE- Not what you might think I mean here. The whole package is all about the alignment and the feeling of “home.” Here is the thing, we may enjoy other destinations when we are world travelers but the feeling of coming home is fantastic if you have a good home. But what if you live in your dream destination and have everything you can ever want for? What if the thought of being a world traveler sounds exhausting and full of drama, even empty? If your home is that spectacular then you just  want to bask in your joy of the home you have and really sink into it. You want to build your life there. This is called full immersion. And it is what the soulmate relationship is all about. I believe that we are all looking for this and we simply don’t believe it’s a real thing because we get led astray and hurt so much that we end up armouring our hearts to it. There is something inside we humans that want the equal yoking and entwinement of the whole being where we become one. This is because we crave at our deepest level to have rock solid trust, love and transparency with another and it can only truly happen when two people commit to each other and make zero room for interruptions, chaos or things that distract.

 

👊I HAD TO WANT AND BE WILLING TO BE HELD LIKE THIS.👊

 

And this is a scary AF place to want to set up camp.

Let me tell you this.

Open relationships allowed for detachment, even encouraged it.

I taught myself that was the most loving thing to do.

 

💥Soul-monogamy💥requires unbelievable trust in surrendering into your mate and removing anything that can be perceived as a barrier. Ultimate transparency and acceptance of self and your partner. The reality is you cannot have soul-monogamy with just anyone. You must be ready for it and you must have the right person show up to meet you in this meadow of the rest of your life. 

 

It is Soul-penetration.

 

Yeah, there is a lot here and I hope that you found something for where you are at in your relationship and style.

There is no right or wrong in relating.

The only thing you ever need to do is find ALIGNMENT for where you are and speak your truth about it.

Your soul and heart are learning, and it is your responsibility to listen to the lessons and have faith in your steps.

 

For me, Soul-monogamy is my true path.

The rules that I was once intolerable of are now my heart’s desire.

I am not controlled by the container that we have built together but instead freed by it to know that I am protected and supported by my choices and my commitment and that my partner is aligned to these as well.

 

Freedom comes with responsibility.

Responsibility is defined by the guidelines that help us to have clarity to know what is needed in any situation or choice to be made.

 

Commit to these things and you will find yourself one day in the arms of your soulmate. 

 

As Always, 

Loving you from here on your journey. 

 

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Helping dynamite powerful souls like yourself discover love and fulfilment is what my passion is. Over the last two decades I have worked with hundreds of women & men such as yourself to call in their soulmate by aligning to their truth. I have guided countless couples not to just rekindle a love that they thought was lost, but to create an empowered turned on and fully aligned partnership based in love with 8 simple steps. If you are a woman or man who is looking for happiness, love and abundance in life and is sick and tired of just getting by, reach out to me for a FREE Clarity Call today where we will define exactly what is holding you back, what you are wanting to call in and the next best steps to achieve your desired life. Message me to set up your FREE Clarity Call today.

DON’T LET YOUR INNER CHILD SABOTAGE YOUR RELATIONSHIP, BECAUSE IT WILL!

👊👊👉DON’T LET YOUR INNER CHILD SABOTAGE YOUR RELATIONSHIP, BECAUSE IT WILL! 😳👈👊
I have an issue with the word, “You.”
I also am incredibly sensitive in nature and empathic you might say. I feel when my partner pulls away emotionally from me and it sends me into a tailspin in my thoughts.
I can be very self-critical, I judge myself before someone else can even get the words together and I have already sentenced myself, convinced that I am at fault, not good enough, not thinking right, feeling right and should just shut up about whatever the subject might be that has created this drama that I don’t want to deal with.
In the same, I was raised an only child (although I am not an only child) and with it I have a blended feeling of righteousness, as though the world ‘should’ just get on board with what I want. I am strong in my opinions about things and not afraid to speak them often.
I also have a blend of being the baby in the family and the eldest child in another way, because I found myself parenting my mother frequently… meaning I was the listening ear, the therapist, the peacekeeper, her friend, her sister…
I was rarely her child.
Except she guarded me and helicopter parented me like the baby.
My father wanted a son and he got me. Leaving me feeling like I was never good enough, never strong enough, a let down and there was nothing that I could do to fix it, so I was the best Tom boy that I could be with my barbies in hand, a baseball bat, fishing pole, and my fascination for nature and wild creatures.
All of this and so much more, created an inner child who is strong willed, temperamental, calculating yet hot headed at times, deeply emotional, fearful of not being worthy or good enough and yet that she is too much to handle and her truth is not acceptable for the world and especially the one she chooses to give her heart too.
And this inner child, well she gets things wrong a lot.
She acts from sheer emotion frequently and thank goodness for the parenting I have done for myself and self-healing and growing to see things so that I can nip them in the butt quicker than in years past.
I have learned that criticism is typically not a healthy stance to take.
For self or others.
And it certainly is not a loving act in an intimate relationship.
It actually creates separation and wraps both parties up into the blame game which steals our personal power and triggers wounds from childhood and past relationships.
Let me explain this just a tad bit more.
Typically when we are being critical with our partner what we are actually attempting to do is to inform them that we have a complaint about their action or behaviour.
An example might be that my partner and I have an agreement in our relationship to check in with each other. He texts me faithfully every morning when he arrives at work saying, “At office.”
I message back that I love him, letting him know that I received the message.
Now let’s say that he skips a day because he got caught up right away in a conversation at work and had to deal with something. One thing led to another as they do and he meant to message but never made it to it.
A few hours go by and my mind has now wandered into places of concern for him, or what happened because this is our pattern, our thing and he did not follow through.
Let’s say that I call him and say,
“What happened? I guess you think it’s okay to just not do what we agreed to and you obviously don’t care about my feelings or concern. I don’t believe you forgot because this is what we have been doing since we got together. It was just selfish of you to not slow down and think about texting me. How long does it take to just say at the office?”
This does not feel good, does it?
It blames him for his actions, my feelings and tells him that he is bad, selfish, I don’t trust him, I can’t trust him, I don’t believe him and that he is bad. It plays on any triggers from his youth about not getting it right and most likely may cause fear of abandonment. It also gives no space for human error and situations that arise for any of us. In truth if I were to say this to him, I would be the one who was being self-centered and not wanting to take any responsibility for my thoughts, feelings or how I am approaching him or his feelings. I am going into victim mode in this stance.
A healthy way to deal with the same situation might be,
“Hey love, just calling to make sure everything is okay. I got a bit scared since you have not texted like normal to let me know you were at the office, I thought we had agreed that we would do that for each other.”
Can you feel the difference?
Can you see the supportiveness, love, compassion and connection building in the second one versus the blame and shame in the first?
Which will lead to a healthy outcome?
Which creates a space for listening and for connection?
Exactly the second one.
Our words mean so much, and communication is vital to a happy, healthy relationship. Often people don’t express issues they are having, they instead express criticism. Expressing your frustration and upset, calmly and with a willingness to receive the others humanness shows unconditional love and support, instead of blame which creates separation, walls, fear and judgement.
The next thing our inner child might try and sabotage our relationship with is CONTEMPT. 😳
Contempt is a nasty little booger.
It goes far past criticism.
Criticism attacks your partner’s character, however contempt assumes a position of moral superiority.
Wowza!
This really shows its nasty head in situations where we get into comparison with our partner.
We tend to be acting strictly from our wound, our pain body in these moments. And we might say things such as,
“Yeah, yeah… you never feel good. You are always tired. Don’t you see what I have been doing for you, this house and family? Stop being so pathetic and just fix yourself already. If I had a dollar for every time you …”
Here is where we step firmly into righteousness land.
Making ourselves better than our partners and pointing them into the land of not good enough no matter what.
Typically our righteousness blinds us from being able to see our partners for who they are and what they are actually doing because we are caught up in our checklist and rules book of how it is supposed to look and the time line that we have impressed upon them ‘getting it right and proving themselves to us.’
Contemp arises because of the fear that we hold inside around abandonment and not being worthy enough to hold onto love.
It stems from a wounded inner child that felt unseen, unloved, not recognized and most likely was reminded of their shortcoming frequently. Anything that triggers it in our adult relating will put us here in the land of comparison and contempt that he/she has it better than us and does not appreciate it or what we have done.
This is a killer to creating lasting love and trust in a relationship and will always lead to our partners feeling like they are damned no matter what they do.
As a child, raised in the manner that I was.
As a virgo, who is super self-critical.
As a woman, who was a little girl who just desired her daddy’s acceptance and love, approval.
And not wanting to get things wrong in general but still being damn good at being human, one of the hardest grown up things that I have had to learn and get right with is, making mistakes and taking responsibility for them.
I believe that this is potentially THE BIGGEST issue in a relationship.
All relationships.
Love, parenting, friendship, work, don’t matter.
I know I am far from alone in learning how to be emotionally mature and own my own bull.
But there’s more to self-responsibility then just saying,
“I own my part.”
We have to follow that up with our actions.
And we have to make changes to not repeat the mistakes.
That says more than anything : I take responsibility for my words/actions here.
However, what happens more than this is DEFENSIVENESS.
And we make excuses for why it happened, almost begging for forgiveness and understanding.
Again we put ourselves into the victim mode instead of self-empowered mode. Plus, we say to our partner with our excuse that we don’t take their concern, feelings, thoughts, needs seriously.
We are not willing to take responsibility but instead point blame to an outside source.
Not saying that one cannot share “why” things happened the way they did, that is not a bad thing and helps our partner understand the full picture. But if we come out the gates without recognizing that our partner has a concern and instead just run over them with excuses and defense moves, or shifting the subject, pointing fingers back at them and such, we are shutting down communication and love.
Defensiveness is normal.
No one likes to be blamed or feel blamed.
But if we are to have a happy and healthy relationship then we have to shift past our normal defaults and practice a deeper, more loving communication style where both sides aim to find resolution in happiness instead of who is right or wrong.
The final wounded inner child tactic of sabotage on your relationship I want to share today is known as stone walling.
This is where the listener withdraws from the conversation. They shut down and simply stop responding to their partner rather than deal with the issue. They may all of a sudden become very busy with something and use maneuvers such as looking away, moving to a different room, saying they have to get to work, or even doing something as simple as doing the dishes or tapping their foot.
Stone walling is a childish behaviour that many people make use of when they feel extreme discomfort in discussing an issue in the relationship that may be too emotional for them at the time.
I had an intimate relationship for years just like this. My partner then, consistently would stone wall any issue. He would just act as though I did not exist anymore. In order for me to be seen by him, I would have to literally grovel and ask for forgiveness for what he perceived I did wrong and he would sit with a stone face and finally say, “Don’t worry about it.”
But that was just a lead into more stone walling.
Where he would tell me not to worry, to forget it.
What he wanted was for me to FIX MY EVIL WAYS.
Although, as it is in many instances in relationship, there was nothing to fix, or the things he was hurt about he had no idea what I could do to make better or right, just leaving me with the statement,
” You know what you did, you know what I want.”
The issue was that all I knew is that I did not like the feeling of being cast out.
I was asking for direction and wanted to do my part, but did not know what he needed from me to make it right.
And sometimes he was mad at me about what others had done, or his perception of events and was upset that he had been triggered but did not know himself what to do.
His path as a child was to coil up and hide.
To become aloof.
Separate as best he could from his pain.
And he brought this pattern to our relationship which in turn triggered my fear of abandonment.
My daddy issues about not being good enough or getting it right and a desire to please him at almost all cost.
So much so, like I did when my dad got upset with me and pulled away, I found myself in this unhealthy relationship acting the same and shrinking into my wounded child to meet his wounded child and we danced together in seperation.
Until one day, like any of these behaviours will lead to if used repeatedly and unconsciously from that sabotaging inner child state, we seperated.
 
A healthy format might have been to say,
“I am really emotional and upset about this right now. I don’t feel safe discussing it and need time to think and calm down. Can we talk later?”
 
Feel the difference from the stone walling?
I do.
And that is why I share this article today with you.
I see these behaviours being used frequently.
We are all guilty of them at different times, and if you think you are not,
THINK AGAIN.
Because you are human and wounded.
These are typical patterns of relating.
However, as we emotionally mature it is our responsibility to own our emotions and feelings, thus our actions and recognize our thoughts that lead to them.
Acting from an emotional mature space means that we as adults in a loving relationship will want to deal with any problem that arises and work through it right away. Where that inner child will choose one or more of these patterns and make excuses, point fingers and avoid.
The inner child will find themselves revisiting the wounds and fear,
sabotaging and recreating the history they did not enjoy living through in their once loving relationship of today.
Just something to ponder on this Friday.
As Always,
Loving you from here.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Helping dynamite powerful souls like yourself discover love and fulfilment is what my passion is. Over the last two decades I have worked with hundreds of women & men such as yourself to call in their soulmate by aligning to their truth. I have guided countless couples not to just rekindle a love that they thought was lost, but to create an empowered turned on and fully aligned partnership based in love with 8 simple steps. If you are a woman or man who is looking for happiness, love and abundance in life and is sick and tired of just getting by, reach out to me for a FREE Clarity Call today where we will define exactly what is holding you back, what you are wanting to call in and the next best steps to achieve your desired life. Message me to set up your FREE Clarity Call today.

4 TYPES OF MEN THAT WILL NEVER MAKE YOU A PRIORITY.

👊👊💥4 TYPES OF MEN THAT WILL NEVER MAKE YOU A PRIORITY💥👊

 

Or ladies…

This bit of relationship reality can pertain to both sexes, however I will be addressing it toward the women looking for love and commitment with a man.

 

👉👉👉SO YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW TO STOP BEING AN OPTION TO HIM?

 

The simple answer would be, ‘BE A MF HIGH VALUE WOMAN!’

I mean that’s what a lot of relationship coaches will tell you.

Just lean into your feminine.  Relying on the man to do it all will never work, it will however land you in the middle of heartbreak over and over again. You cannot rely on the man to vet the relationship. You as the woman MUST do your inquiry on the front side and take full responsibility for figuring out if he is one of these four types of men or not. If you truly want to find love and commitment then before you ever meet you need to explore who he is and how aligned you really are.

 

You see our world supports swipe dating and this sort of dating desensitizes us to actual connection to another human being.

 

It focuses us on attraction instead of values, how our lives may blend together or not and if a person is emotionally mature.

When we focus on attraction we get caught up in the idea that the most valuable thing is chemistry and if you have chemistry then love will solve all other challenges.

 

👊👊🥰LOVE DOES NOT SOLVE RELATIONSHIP WOES!🥰👊👊

 

 

Sorry to break it to you beautiful, but love is not the answer to everything, as wonderful as it may sound. 👉What solves issues in relationship is emotional maturity and alignment. 👈

 

And there is a major difference between emotional maturity and being in touch with your emotions.  That is a whole nother conversation however, and if you want more in depth coaching on how to discover the difference as well as to develop your own emotional maturity to call in aligned matches, reach out to me in the comments or privately. This is my expertise.

 

Your hyper focus on chemistry is killing your vetting game!

Unfortunately, both sexes are walking into the dating realm looking for the generalized idea of what they deem love and commitment. However, they have no real intentionality in their exploration, meaning they are not being conscious about, “Who is really compatible with me? or What sort of questions should I be asking before I give my heart/solitude/space in my life away? And how do I know if this person is emotionally mature?”

 

The concept of , “Time will tell.” is not something that many people really want to invest in and with good reason. For the majority of the singles who are over fourty years old, midlife dating means that they don’t want to waste time with bad eggs. However 75% of that bracket of singles looking for love are divorced. They have alimony, child support, visitation rights, family court stuff, erectile dysfunction, menopause, job issues, retirement fears, and elderly parents just to name a few things. A completely different set of challenges than those in their twenties and thirties and if you are a midlifer they you get it.

 

EVEN MORE IMPORTANT TO FIND ALIGNMENT AND EMOTIONAL MATURITY THEN JUST LOOKING FOR CHEMISTRY AND PHYSICAL ATTRACTION.

 

👉The idea that if we have mutual chemistry it will lead to love is false! 🤯

 

REALITY: Love only comes over time and life challenges that two people commit to overcome and support each other on.

 

You do not find love on a first, second, or even third date.

That feeling of love at first sight…

Yeah it’s actually lust or limberance.

 

You could say that love is earned.

Might sound conditional, because it most certainly is and should be on the front side. Giving your heart away so freely is naive and immature. It is not self-loving or respectful and it drives me crazy to hear so many ladies out there say, “I can’t help it… I have such a big heart and so much love. I wear my heart on my sleeve.”

 

Well ladies (and sensitive gents alike), if you are guilty of this, realize that you need to do a little bit of internal work and learn to love yourself enough to be clear with who you are and what you want and be emotionally strong and stable. This is a major piece to emotional maturity. Handing over your heart and love so easily will only cause you suffering.

 

👊👊💥 MUTUAL ATTRACTION DOES NOT MEAN THAT HE IS THE ONE FOR YOU!💥👊👊

 

He may take the lead and drop you into your feminine.

You may have that knee popping kiss that we see in movies and desire.

He may have all the right bullet points on the resume that you have created in your head.

And you may “feel this energy” that you just want to lose yourself into.

 

None of that means that he is your soulmate however.

None of it means that you are aligned or that he is emotionally mature.

Only going deep into inquiry, asking the right questions, being honest about your intentions around relationship will set the stage for you to better make an informed decision on if he is worth your time, energy, heart and sex.

 

Men can leap through many relationships far easier than women.

Understand that. They are designed to sow their seed. For the majority of women however, if they are wanting love and commitment not just a hookup where they remain armoured up against true connection and unity, this sort of bouncing the spectrum with so many men will shatter them emotionally.

Leaving them feeling unwanted, not valued except for their sex, not lovable and as though they are always an option to the men they set their eye and heart on.

 

👉So what are the 4 types of men that will make you an option?

 

Being an option to someone means that you are not a priority.

Basically speaking, when someone is always too busy ( and we are all busy AF in our lives, especially us midlifers. ) They are saying, 💥”You are not important to me.”💥

 

You can always see where someone’s priorities are seated, because that is exactly where they will be investing their time, energy and heart.  If you are looking for a relationship, a partnership for a lifetime and love, then realize that if you are not creating the space for it in your life then you really do not value it or want it.

 

👊The 4 Types of Men (or Women) Who will NEVER Make You A Priority Are: 👊

 

💥Men who lack purpose and/or passion. – The majority of our world goes to work each day. They identify themselves with their career but they hate what they do. They are not passionate about their work or what they are offering the world and this often goes hand in hand with purpose, because the purpose behind their work is simply to pay the bills.  The issue with passionaless and purposeless people is that they are suffering internally. They suffer from core identity, putting who they are as a career and a responsible person in place of truly knowing themselves. This translates to them typically having destructive behaviors because they lack core foundation and THAT makes them incapable of creating a healthy foundation in a relationship as well. When a person lacks passion/purpose you may see it come out in the use of drugs and alcohol, they may date excessively, become sexaholics or even develop avoidant personalities.

 

👊👊💥REALIZE THIS: EXCESSIVE DATING AND A NEED TO BE AROUND PEOPLE OR HAVE SEX EXCESSIVELY IS A FORM OF SELF-MEDICATION.💥👊👊

 

These sort of men will never make you a priority because they are lost in who they are at a core level.  Our passions and purpose can and will change/transform through our lives, however if we do not know who we are we are not ready for authentic love, relationship or soulmate partnership.

 

💥Men who have a bunch of chaos going in their life. – (Job issues, health, financial, child issues, family, etc). This might seem like the net to meet someone just shrinked incredibly, especially for all the midlifers out there. And I am not saying to totally disregard these men and not date them, just don’t get caught up in the web of believing that you can “fix them” and if you do fix them that they will be yours and love will heal it all. Those of you who want to always fix someone, are falling into the idea that things will change,   you are making excuses for your partners behaviors and attitudes, for their immaturity. Realize that you will only exhaust yourself. Don’t get made at the fact that you are the one choosing these projects only to discover that you are beating your head against a brick wall.

 

👊👊💥STOP BEING IN RELATIONSHIP WITH A PROJECT!💥👊👊

 

You want to play and learn yourself with a project? FINE.

You want to learn about your likes, dislikes, needs and desires with a project? FINE.

But if you are just getting to know someone and they are project central, then get real with yourself and don’t give your heart away.

We can all be projects at times in our lives.

We can all have a bunch of chaos blossom in our lives.

Alignment and emotional maturity however, will show you if you are in a constant construction sight, where the person you have set your eye on is willing and able to build something or not. And from here you can make a decision if you want to support and grow together or if you need to look elsewhere.

 

💥A man who is set in his ways. -Typically this happens as we age. People who are older, who have not been in any or very few or limited significant primary relationships to any degree can become VERY set in their ways which means that they are set in how they do life ALONE, making it a challenge to put someone else, especially on the front side of learning each other, as a priority. They may also suffer from a lack of emotional immaturity because they have not had the relationship challenges and lessons as others.

 

💥A casual relationship man who offers/request monogamy/exclusivity out the gates but has no real desire to be in a committed relationship. – This is a bit harder to identify than the others, because we believe that making a request or offering up exclusivity is a sign of commitment and desire to explore a relationship. However, that is not always the case and you will often find that one or more of the other items will come into play with this person, from above.

 

You must understand what commitment means if you are wanting it, and realize that it is not exclusivity. Nor does it come right away… commitment comes with love.

 

👉LOOK AT THE TRADITIONAL MARRIAGE VOWS IF YOU WANT A GOOD DEFINITION OF WHAT COMMITMENT IS.👈

 

Commitment means, “I’ve got your back!”

For better or worse.

In sickness and health.

Richer or poorer.

 

If you are not willing to wipe the puke off of someone’s face, sit by their bedside in a hospital room for weeks/months on end, support them in a time of financial strife, etc. then you are not committed!

 

You have to want and be willing to commit to all the shiz that comes with someone else when you get into a real authentic relationship and encompass all of what it means to be partners in life.

 

This alone takes courage, emotional maturity, and commitment to the relationship.

Of course loves plays a significant role,

and love grows the commitment.

 

However as long as you stay focused on being wined and dined, romanced and following the energy, the lure of someone’s physical appearance and the chemistry you have in the moment that feels so hot and yummy, YOU WILL NOT BE A PRIORITY TO WHOMEVER THIS OTHER PERSON IS.

 

Get aligned to yourself!

Set your intentions in what you want in a relationship.

Ask the right questions before you have sex, open your heart up and let all the butterflies in your tummy loose.

 

🌹BEFORE YOU PUT THOSE ROSE TINTED GLASSES ON – INQUIRE, INQUIRE, INQUIRE ON IF THIS PERSON IS THE MOST COMPATIBLE FOR YOU.🌹

 

And if you want some help learning those questions to ask,

on developing your core and loving yourself into a place of commanding in respect, and being valued to a level of being someone’s priority, then reach out to me today. Its my passion and purpose to help people like you find their soulmate relationship and thrive in abundance.

 

As Always,

Loving you from here.

 

Stop Existing & Start Living

 

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

Helping dynamite powerful souls like yourself discover love and fulfilment is what my passion is. Over the last two decades I have worked with hundreds of women & men such as yourself to call in their soulmate by aligning to their truth. I have guided countless couples not to just rekindle a love that they thought was lost, but to create an empowered turned on and fully aligned partnership based in love with 8 simple steps. If you are a woman or man who is looking for happiness, love and abundance in life and is sick and tired of just getting by, reach out to me for a FREE Clarity Call today where we will define exactly what is holding you back, what you are wanting to call in and the next best steps to achieve your desired life. Message me to set up your FREE Clarity Call today.

5 Secret Turn-Ons To Seduce A High Quality Man.

 

👊👊🌹5 Secret Turn-Ons To Seduce A High Quality Man🌹👊👊

 

Last night over dinner I looked at my man and asked him,

“What have I done differently than other women that makes you want to commit so deeply and go all in with me?”🤔

 

He responded with, “So much.”

 

And then I began to think about it.

I thought of how just this last week he and I were in Half Price Books looking for Viktor Frankl’s book, Man’s Search for Meaning, when we found ourselves drifting up and down the psychology, spiritual, health, finance and self-growth aisles. Inquiring with each other what we had explored in our past. Having read so many of the same books or similar minds we found ourselves once again connecting and understanding each other’s views and why we mirror one another in so many ways.

 

As I looked at this tiny moment from last week I realized that THIS was just it…

 

👉🤯WE ARE BOTH ATTRACTED TO THE MIRROR.👈😍

 

That mirror being that we match each other on so many levels.

It is far past our attraction to one another’s physical or the chemistry that we certainly have.

 

Our lives have brought us through multiple relationships in our past that taught each of us what we valued and what we did not desire in a partnership. Which is often the case as we emotionally mature through our lives.

 

You see often in relationships we find ourselves calling in the opposite of what we want and we cannot figure out 👉WHY👈?

 

It has to be like this.

As long as we resist doing the inner work and remain emotionally immature, focused on only “me” and being right, a victim to life in essence and not taking responsibility for our emotions and the events in our lives then we MUST call in the opposite of what we desire and want so that we can enhance our clarity and build up our emotional maturity.

 

As we mature in the heart and mind and do the inner work to connect us deeper to our soul we start to find different attributes attractive then what we use too.

 

Beauty changes in our eyes. 🌹

 

The other day when we were walking around the bookstore chatting about our reading history and thoughts on topics, one of the books that popped out on the shelves was, “The Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz.” We have both read it and it bears with it one of the sexiest things a woman can do to turn-on a man and get him to think long term about her.

 

💋💃🔥CONSISTENCY – This really just always comes back to actions match words and you are consistent about what you say, how you think and the way you act.  The majority of people ( male and female) have challenges around this vital ingredient to building a lasting relationship because they suffer from the belief or thinking of:

“I’m not good enough.”

“I’m not likable or lovable.”

THIS very thought process makes it difficult for the majority of people to be, as The Four Agreements puts it, impeccable with their word.

 

👊Yet this single thing is sexy AF when a man or woman portrays it!

 

💋💃🔥BEING A MF GROWN UP! – Adulting has a heck of a lot more to do with how we play with others then with paying bills and holding a job. Although these things are vitally needed as well, in the land of the heart and emotional maturity, adulting has more to do with 👉HOW WE FIGHT👈.

It’s called conflict resolution.

And the vast majority of people operate from the land of, “I am right, you are wrong.” This is all based in ego and again a need to be validated by another in some fashion.

 

👊What’s ever so attractive is a person who can be an actual grown up and listen as well as accept that the other party’s point is true for them.

 

When both parties can do this for each other you can communicate from a higher vibration based in love and a desire to find resolution versus being right and having the other agree that you are right.

 

There is nothing worse than to find yourself in a mis-communication or some form of friction with your partner and have them tell you that YOU are misconstruing things or are wrong in how you remember it, see it or feel about it. This only builds walls between the two of you, not bridges.

 

Being able to see that others’ views and feelings are just where they are and that you can agree to disagree because you are individuals with different  takes is highly seductive and attractive in looking at a lifelong mate.

 

Being a MF Grown Up is NOT about being right and maintaining the friction until the other person caves to your way of seeing or feeling about something. That is not love based nor emotional maturity. Finding resolution in the relationship is however.

 

💋💃🔥 EASY TO BE A ROUND-  No one enjoys being around someone who has a stick up their booty. It’s simple, friendliness, authentic friendliness not that sugar coated fake stuff is a turn-on.

When a person is uptight, anxious, scared of their own shadow and aquard about doing life and relating it reveals the wounds that they have not yet conquered and dealt with.

 

👉The energy we portray says everything about our inner scape.

 

If you are a woman (or a man) who “thinks” they are easy to get along with, has a big heart but no one accepts it, calls yourself friendly but when you are trying to do a relationship you find yourself getting the opposite of what you want and desire?

 

Look no further than the wounds that you bare still and keep coming back too.

 

You know what they are.

It’s what holds your bitterness, your anger, your pity party, your envy and makes you feel insecure.

Want to authentically be friendly and easy going, let go of that high maintenance attitude… then deal with your inner BS.

Until you do this you will continue to feel like no one appreciates your heart and intentions, cares or values what you have to offer. That jaded view will hold you back from fully embracing your confidence, your own self-love and acceptance and  will make your childish attempts at being seductive, attractive and turned-on to life empty and laughable.

 

👊People who authentically smile from within and love life, feel good in their own skin are attractive AF!

 

💋💃🔥BRING JOY NOT DRAMA – #1 desire of men and what the vast majority will put on their dating profile.

“Looking for a drama free woman.”

 

A high quality man (meaning an emotionally mature man) knows that he is not responsible for you emotionally. 🤯🤯🤯

 

And he finds it DAMN Sexy when you get this too!

He is not wanting you to babysit him or mother him and he does not want to have to take care of you in this fashion either.

This is an extreme level of neediness A.K.A High Maintenance that emotionally mature men don’t find attractive.

 

He wants you to know that you are beautiful, powerful, radiant, sexy AF, a queen without him. If he is what validates these things for you then YOU ARE NOT THEM!!!👊

 

And you will jot have joy streaming from your soul.

Drama happens in life.

It happens to all of us.

What a high value man is looking for in a lifelong partnership and love is a woman who does not look at how she can create it but instead how much joy she can bring into life with or without him and this joy for her life also manifests into her making his heart smile by just being her.

 

💋💃🔥HEALTHY LIFESTYLE =SEXY AF! – Anyone who says that the physical does not matter is blowing smoke up your booty. We are all human and our bodies matter and anyone who counts themselves as being self-loving, accepting and high vibe that is not taking care of their temple is full of malarkey, to say the least.

 

👊Healthy eating, exercise, mindset, taking care of self and wanting to look good, feel good is sexy AF!

 

A high value man values this in himself and wants it in his partner as well.

 

Life is always about investment.

And we each get to choose where we invest.

Mumford and Sons has a great song “Awaken My Soul” where they have one of my favorite lyrics, “Where you invest your love, your invest your life.”

 

As with anything, whatever we choose to water grows.

People who choose to invest their love in health of all arenas live longer, are less sickly, have more stmina for life and sex, have healthier moods, live a more harmonic balalnced life and view things from a bigger picture mindset.

 

Those who make up the excuse of “I don’t have the time, energy, money.” DO NOT VALUE themselves nor life and will never hold a mate that values these things.

 

🔥🔥🔥I get turned-on like no other watching my man work out, eat a healthy meal and/or check himself out in the mirror as to how his arms or abs are looking in a shirt. His pleasure and care for himself shows that he values health and reveals itself in ALL other areas as well. 👈🤯🔥

 

So you say that you want 👉High Value Man👈 yet you yourself beautiful are not value the true jewels of life and relationship!🤯

 

You are still getting caught up in the immature focus points that will only ever lead you to more lessons being offered and suffering from them.

 

Become the 💃High Value Woman💃 that mirrors the man you want for and he will be called into your life with ease as if over night.

 

👉Want to learn the full list of secrets to manifesting your soulmate?

👉Ready to stop accepting less than what you are worthy of?

👉Sick and tired of letting your wounds hold back the love, sex, money and joy that you feel is yours in your gut?

 

Helping dynamite powerful souls like yourself discover love and fulfilment is what my passion is. Over the last two decades I have worked with hundreds of women & men such as yourself to call in their soulmate by aligning to their truth. I have guided countless couples not to just rekindle a love that they thought was lost, but to create an empowered turned on and fully aligned partnership based in love with 8 simple steps. If you are a woman or man who is looking for happiness, love and abundance in life and is sick and tired of just getting by, reach out to me for a FREE Clarity Call today where we will define exactly what is holding you back, what you are wanting to call in and the next best steps to achieve your desired life. Message me to set up your FREE Clarity Call today.

 

As Always,

 

Stop Existing & Start Living

 

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

SOULMATE INTIMACY BREEDS TERRITORIALISM AND PROTECTION.

 

😏I WAS NOT GOING TO SHARE THIS PHOTO…😳

 

I was not going to share this photo with you because I took it just for my man. I wanted to keep it intimate and private, for no other’s eyes.

 

You see I took it one morning a few weeks back after he had gone to work. We had enjoyed a most connective weekend together as we usually do and he had worked out in this shirt that I am wearing  the day before.

 

The shirt smelt like him.

I was missing his essence.

I was missing him.

And like I often do in moments like this, I grab this particular shirt of his and wear it all day.

THIS day I wanted him to know that I was taking him everywhere with me. I even wore his sweaty workout shirt to my office to do client appointments….lol

 

AND SO I TOOK THIS PICTURE AND TEXTED IT TO HIM.

 

As you can see, there is nothing to see with this picture.

So outside of the fact that I took it just for him, why would I have an issue sharing this picture until today?

Why would I even be bothered?

 

After all, my business is to be vulnerable with you.

Share details, stories, thought provoking ideas and educate you on soulmate relationships and how to best go about manifesting that deep love, commitment and connection that all of us hunger for.

 

The answer to all of this is in your understanding that until my man walked into my life and made himself known to  my soul, I have never felt a need to protect an intimate relationship before.

I have never felt territorial and protective.

I have never had the thought,

 

🙏”This relationship, this moment is sacred to my soul and must be cherished and protected.”🙏

 

I have been an open book for the most part about my marriage of almost 20 years, my divorce, my affair in that marriage, the rape that I expereinced, the open relationship that followed that marriage and all the men that I have dated and explored. I have taught classes on open/poly style relationships, I have taught on “living the orgasmic life” and how important transparency and freedom is. I have shared all of myself with my followers at this level and those that I have worked with over the last almost two decades.

 

And now I share my heart and soul about truly being elevated by a soulmate love like I never thought was possible. I had read about it.

Heard about it in the many spiritual books and studies through the years that I had done and I craved it with every fiber of my being.

 

Craved it so much so,

that I attempted to believe that I had it in another and was heartbroken when I discovered how fake that relationship was.

 

And did not believe that it was possible or that I was deserving of it so much so, that I allowed myself to settle into a few relationships that were so out of alignment to my soul that all I can say is that those were insightful lessons of self-discovery that I could never have deliberately searched out.

 

Thank heavens for those rocky relationships and all that I experienced there and learned. Because the reality is that without those relationships and tough lessons about self and soul alignment, without the universe stepping in and breaking things up the way that it did, I would not be aligned to my man today.

 

😳I WOULD HAVE MISSED HIM.😟

 

And in truth, I did miss him…

You see the universe is a strange and humourous place.

Both him and I lived a few times over just blocks from each other as we bounced around the Seattle area doing life there in the same years.

We frequented the same coffee locations and stores.

We might have spoken in a line while waiting on a latte.🤣

 

Then somehow we both found ourselves in Texas.

And we found ourselves in a wound from a relationship.

Both lost in our hearts and souls, armoured up to the point that when we actually met, we did not recognize each other at that deep soul level.

 

The armour was so heavy that we pushed away from each other without recognition or pain, only to go do our own work on self.

 

And this is what we did.

We each worked on ourselves.

Until the work became about us taking the next step to heal together and to drop those guards fully.

And so a few years back we came together as though for the first time. And from the first few meetings our souls began to sing a song to each other about  love, commitment of lifetimes and a deep connection that was entwined through time and space.

 

🙏🥰I found myself in the stillness of moments together looking into his eyes and saying, “YES.”

 

He would chuckle and say be careful what you say yes to.

And I would just respond with that was from my soul.

My soul wants you to know that I am a yes. 🙏🥰

 

I KNEW WHAT I WAS SAYING YES TO…

IT WAS YES TO UNITING WITH HIM FULLY.

GOING ALL IN.

 

I could feel the collapse of thousands of years upon us, melding us together and the knowing that still stirs through my core today each moment is brilliantly delicious and confirming.

 

Now my outside world is readjusting to my heart and soul.

There is much cleanup and repairs that are unway in my business life, my friendships, my family and even shadows that lurk from my past. All that learning about self, those lessons that had to be given, they all bare with them a weight that is being purged.

Almost as karmic debt from a millennia is being wiped away as he and I go deeper.

 

Standing here in the light of all this love, basking in the reality that we are together and that this sacredness that I feel is precious beyond measure.

 

Bringing with it the desire to protect.

The need to consistently make a stand against the shadows that arise and try to steal the brilliance, the love, the connection.

 

My thought this morning while walking, hand in hand with him,

This is an intimacy.

 

And intimacy by definition is about a depth in vulnerability, openness and connection that can only be developed to its fullness when both parties are merged spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically.

 

As history reveals, such a sacredness in anything is often under attack. We humans as much as we hunger for love, connection, sacredness, our soulmates or anything that feels of the divine nature, we also have urges to destroy and cause chaos when we witness others than ourselves enjoying these delicacies of life.

 

There is a recognition that we have to have in relationships or anything that we are striving for and believe that we have encountered. This is the recognition of territorialism vs. jealousy.

and protection vs. control.

 

👉One is from soul, the other from ego. 👈

 

By doing the inner work on self and aligning to your truth, to your core you will be able to identify with greater ease which you are operating from.

You will feel and witness your inner realms and be able to address if you are just trying to control, please, manage, manipulate or avoid.

OR if you are addressing issues, shadows and maskings that have covered you for years and karmic debts that must be washed away in order for the union with such a sacred relationship to manifest and become rock solid.

 

However THIS my beautiful reader requires your desire to step forth in courage and meet yourself.

To see yourself in all your shadows and light.

To embrace your inner demons and your past, even finding gratitude for all the unpleasantries that you have experienced.

You must capture your truth.

And the only way to do this is to dive deep into who you are at your soul’s core.

 

From here…

you elevate yourself in love and thus call in your soulmate.

Ready to and able to see you.

 

Want to learn more on how to call in your soulmate love and unite with self at this depth so you too can heal, gain life fulfillment and find that joy that you crave?

 

Reach out to me today in the comments to find out more.

 

As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

Helping dynamite powerful souls like yourself discover love and fulfilment is what my passion is. Over the last two decades I have worked with hundreds of women & men such as yourself to call in their soulmate by aligning to their truth. I have guided countless couples not to just rekindle a love that they thought was lost, but to create an empowered turned on and fully aligned partnership based in love with 8 simple steps. If you are a woman or man who is looking for happiness, love and abundance in life and is sick and tired of just getting by, reach out to me for a FREE Clarity Call today where we will define exactly what is holding you back, what you are wanting to call in and the next best steps to achieve your desired life. Message me to set up your FREE Clarity Call today.

COMMITMENT DOES NOT CARE ABOUT YOUR “FEELINGS.”

👊COMMITMENT DOES NOT CARE ABOUT YOUR “FEELINGS.”😳

 

“But Kendal my feelings matter.

If I am not feeling him then there must be something wrong in the relationship. Maybe he is the problem?

Maybe he is not being present with me?

 

What am I to do when he makes me feel anxious, scared, unsettled, fearful of losing him?

 

He separates from me and acts angry or irritated by me?

He puts up his armour and closes down, thus shuts me out and that triggers me. He should understand what he is doing to me. “

 

OMFG! my beautiful queens out there.

This sort of mindset and “feelings” is not of a QUEEN. 💃👑

They are of a woman who is handing over all her power to the ebbs and flows of being human and allowing herself to get triggered by such.

 

You talk of “owning your own shiz” yet you constantly point out how the world, ESPECIALLY your man is triggering you and not showing up for you how you need.

How best supports your “feelings.”

 

You say that you are strong,

that you are empowered,

that you are wanting to lean into him and have a partnership,

a lifelong love story.

Yet there you are wondering if it will hold and questioning every little hiccup.

👉YOU👈 are allowing, and I might go so far as to bolding say, you are inviting your old lovers, husbands, boyfriends, relationships and daddy issues and wounds into your love story.

 

In other words beautiful queen 👑…

You are looking for the gotchas!

 

Now, don’t get me wrong here.

Being aware about the red flags that can certainly fly is vitally important when you are starting a relationship and even a few years in.

No matter where you are in a relationship, if things change for no known reason and your man starts to act drastically different, then yeah PAY ATTENTION.  👀💥

Be aware and don’t let those rose tinted glasses mask potential major issues.

 

But here is the trouble my luv,

and what I see so often in couplehood of today,

We women are sewing red flags or pulling them out of old relationships hands and then trying to get our man to hold them and claim them as his own.

 

We are attempting to manifest old shiz into TODAY.

And for some crazy reason, we accept these false flags as reality.

 

We proclaim that they are real because of the way that we “feel.”🤨

 

WE GET CAUGHT UP IN OUR EMOTIONS, OUR FEELINGS AND FORGET REALITY.

 

We quickly overlook and side step everything that he is doing.

How he is showing up for us.

How his actions and words align.

And we point our fingers in fear to things that might be out of humanly control, or are simply just responses to stress, irritation, outside sources that have zero to do with our relationship or may cause threat in his eyes.

 

We want the knight in shining armour.

We want him to show up.

We want him to have our back and love us unconditionally.

But we have been taught that his protective nature is dangerous and controlling.

To steer away from men like that.

That these sort of men view women as property.

 

👉💃👑Here is the thing my beautiful queen…👈💃👑

 

He is a man.

His primal nature is there and if he is being true to himself,

then he MUST honor that primal nature.

He must “feel” that protective nature.

He must allow himself to be on the defense and ready for anything.

He must be linear in his thinking AND if you as his queen are to RESPECT him then you must get on board with all his masculine needs to be a man and lead his course the way that he knows best.

 

Not sayin’ that you “yes sir” him by any means.

That is not respect.

That is getting along,

that is being a peacekeeper at all cost,

that is not standing in your own power.

 

But what I am saying is to recognize that if you are with a man and he is accepting and loving of himself then he will most likely NOT give a crap about what the outside world says is right or not and he will be acting from his core and on purpose with the best interest of you, the relationship and himself.

 

And you my beautiful queen,

will often feel threatened by his leadership because you have been raised to believe that the massculine is unsafe.

You feel like he is trying to control you.

Rule you even.

 

This is where you have to come back to knowing yourself,

knowing him and being willing to look at how he is truly showing up.

 

And guess what…

 

If he is a wise man he will be doing all of this and more with you as well. He wants your love, that is for sure. He wants to feel your heart. He wants you to feel safe with him. He wants you to desire him because you want him not because of what he offers you.

 

💥But more than all this,

He wants your respect and acceptance. 👀💥

 

This is shown mainly through your commitment to him.

 

👊AND COMMITMENT DOES NOT CARE ABOUT YOUR “FEELINGS.”👊

 

It takes discipline to commit.

Commit to your heart and soul.

Commit to love.

Commit to honor.

Commit to show up.

Commit to open your eyes and look past your fear and wounds.

Commit to not let your fleeting triggers destroy your love story.

Commit to him even when he is having a human moment.

Commit to him even when your “feelings” say “how dare he make me feel this way.”

 

You want to own your own shiz beautiful queen?

Well there ya’ go!

 

Have the discipline to commit to your love story and actually realize that it will require you make a stand in the face of everything and everyone else that you:

 

👑Want him.

👑Support him.

👑Love him.

👑Accept him.

👑Respect him.

👑Choose him.

 

That choice is a daily decision.

Do you get that?

You have to choose him, choose love, choose connection, choose to commit to the process of having a lifelong partnership and storybook love.

 

It will require work.

On you beautiful queen.

 

And it will require you to stop allowing yourself to be misguided by your “feelings” and “moods”.

 

Love is not a mood.

It is a commitment.

 

💃Are you truly ready to make that commitment and do the work required?

 

💃Perhaps it is time you asked yourself why you want to have a relationship and be in love anyway?

 

👊👊👊80%+ of modern “love based” relationships are based in needing validation.👊👊👊

 

“I need you to love me so that I can love myself and know I have value in this world.”

 

THIS IS NOT LOVE!

This is need.

 

Time to get clear on what you are wanting.

Not wanting.

And who you are.

 

Time to deep dive and heal your trauma my beautiful queen so you can write the love story that your soul desires once and for all.

 

Are you ready?

 

As Always,

 

Stop Existing & Start Living

 

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers

 

Helping dynamite powerful souls like yourself discover love and fulfilment is what my passion is. Over the last two decades I have worked with hundreds of women & men such as yourself to call in their soulmate by aligning to their truth. I have guided countless couples not to just rekindle a love that they thought was lost, but to create an empowered turned on and fully aligned partnership based in love with 8 simple steps. If you are a woman or man who is looking for happiness, love and abundance in life and is sick and tired of just getting by, reach out to me for a FREE Clarity Call today where we will define exactly what is holding you back, what you are wanting to call in and the next best steps to achieve your desired life. Message me to set up your FREE Clarity Call today.

WHO DOESN’T WANT TO WAKE UP IN LOVE?

WHO DOESN’T WANT TO WAKE UP IN LOVE?

 

It’s every girl’s dream right?

To wake up wrapped in the one’s arms that you just cannot get enough of. 

That you find yourself just wanting to go deeper with, reveal all of yourself too. 

 

This morning I rolled into my man’s arms and put my head on his chest, smiled, took a deep breath and just relaxed into him. 

 

His presence of being, in his heart and how stable he is puts all my concerns and fears at bay. 

His strength in who he is and in life, even in the chaos brings me peace and direction. 

His smiling eye’s ignite my soul in love. 

His warmth and touch, leads me into greater surrender. 

His inquisitive nature confirms his desire to know me more and to see me in all my radiance. 

 

So what allows me to lean into him?

To open myself up at these levels of not just my physical, sexual being but also to want to merge with him emotionally? Mentally? In confidence of all that is me?

 

How can a woman who has been through divorce, physical assault, rape and more trust the masculine with all her depths?

 

Over and over again, I hear women share how they love their husbands and boyfriends. That they believe that he is “the one.” However, then they speak of not being able to really be themselves. They hide. They mask. They fake it. They say that their orgasm is great, but that they have to use a vibrator to achieve it or that only through oral they gain it.  They tell me how they could never say the truth of their fears and body image to their partner. They speak about how they cannot imagine ever being with anyone else but then say how he does not hear her, see her, understand. 

 

She loves him, but he does not know how to touch her.

Not physically or sexually. 

Not menatlly or emotionally. 

Not spiritually. 

 

He does not harbor a safe home for her. 

So what makes a woman feel safe? 

So safe with her man that she drops her armour and speaks her truth?

That she trusts that he will catch her without doubt?

 

Women want to feel: 

*Sexy

*Unique

*Safe

And her walls only come down when she feels all three of these. 

In today’s relationships, women may feel sexy at times. 

Often they feel more like they must be sexy to get what they want, or that it is only their sex that will attract and commit a partner. 

They do not truly feel sexy however, in their own skin because our culture has trained us that we are never enough and in the same too much. We women compare ourselves to all the things that the world deems beautiful, strong and desirable and often find ourselves falling short in more than one area. 

 

Our uniqueness is overlooked by all including ourselves and so we have reached a space in time and society evolution where we are working hard to make uniqueness about being like everyone else. There are no more winners and losers, no more acceptance that we are not all created equal. In our pursuit to have fairness and kindness, acceptance for all, we have also lost the gift of uniqueness. We see this even in our intimate relationships, where people no longer want to “claim each other” because we have decided that marriage and commitment equal control and limiting each other. But what we are actually saying is, “ I can take you or leave you, no wow factor here, nothing special or unique.”

Both men and women at our core want to be desired and not just for our sex, but for who we are as individuals. We want our partners to desire our essence and love us fully. Accept us as we are and see our radiance. Yet this radiance can only truly be seen if we embrace our uniqueness and stop making it unkind to know that we are different and not created equal. 

 

Safety is primary to the femine to be able to drop down and trust in life, in her relationship, in her sexing, in her emotions and all that we do. Yet, there is limited safety when we are attempting to be and do everything without the support of anyone else, especially a partner. There is zero safety in today’s world as we overload ourselves with surpressnets and hormone `balancers” so that we can mask our truth and not address the true nature of any problem. As long as we continue to not trust our intuition, our critical thinking or what we are witnessing in our manifestation nor take responsibility for the lives that we are creating, we will not feel safe. Safety from the masculine comes secondary to how we women trust ourselves. 

We can not trust the man that we are with if we do not trust our judgements and feelings. If we do not truly know who we are and what our boundaries and non-negotiables are. If we can speak up and let our vulnerability be heard.

 

To wake up in love, means that we are waking up in love with the lives that we have manifested. 

Owning who we are as women. 

 

To wake up in gratitude of being wrapped in the arms of our partner, who supports us, cherishes us, respects us and loves us fully just for being us, means that we have trusted the power of our manifestation to call in the sort of masculine who knows himself too at this level and is worthy of our trust, respect and heart. 

 

This man will on;y come to us when we find this space inside of ourselves. 

When we have learned to love all of our shadows and no longer stand in victimhood, but in queenhood. 

 

This is how we find our true soulmate.

This Is how we fall in love with life. 

Every moment of it, even the cloudy days.

This Is how we wake up in love every day.

 

It requires your heart and desire to take the steps inward and go on the great’s adventure of your life though. 

It requires you to want that love more than anything else. 

It requires you to have the courage to meet the person that you have been searching for all these years…

It requires you to find you. 

 

Are you ready my love?

Walk with me. 

Let’s adventure together and discover you.

Beautiful, magical, powerful, sexy, unique, full of appreciation, trust and creativity. 

YOU.

 

As Always, 

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Helping dynamite powerful women like yourself discover love and fulfilment is what my passion is. Over the last two decades I have worked with hundreds of women such as yourself to call in their soulmate by aligning to their truth. I have guided countless couples not to just rekindle a love that they thought was lost, but to create an empowered turned on and fully aligned partnership based in love with 8 simple steps. If you are a woman who is looking for happiness, love and abundance in life and is sick and tired of just getting by, reach out to me for a FREE Clarity Call today where we will define exactly what is holding you back, what you are wanting to call in and the next best steps to achieve your desired life. Message me to set up your FREE Clarity Call today.