SOMETIMES I JUST NEED AN ADULT PARTICIPATION AWARD…
Can you relate?
Do you sometimes just wish that someone would say,
“Hey I see ya doing all that adulting stuff over there, good job!”
Sometimes do you just wish that someone would acknowledge your pain and struggle with you? Or say hey, life is not fair.
Do you wish that your partner or friend would just recognize that you are off a bit, read your mind, or just pat you on the head per se?
We all want it.
We need it to a degree.
Or so we are raised these days to believe.
We live in a society of adults that were raised with their mama’s praising them for everything, running to their side every time they got a bang on the knee, not allowing them to feel the pain, move through it, problem solve it and “grow a pair” of their own.
We live in a world today where we don’t have winners and losers.
We have a good job for showing the f-ck uppers!
Participation in life is an accomplishment it seems.
And because of this piss poor upbringing we believe that we are entitled to life handing us something without us having to do the actual work for it.
Or feel the pain in the gain to achieve it.
Or to build the muscles to have the strength to succeed in anything.
We have a society of adults who are overgrown infants wanting to suckle at the bottle of life everytime they don’t get the recognition that they “believe” is theirs.
And this leads to tons of issues.
This weekend I read an article on just this and as I sat there with my youngest children who are both boys, screaming and fighting with each other, running onto the play set yelling back at me,
“Mom, mom…. look at me… aren’t you proud of me climbing up the stairs, sliding down the slide, being this high up…”
Wanting recognition for participating in being alive, in being a child.
I wondered how many parents out there would say,
“Good job honey, I am so proud of you. You are such a big kid.”
The majority would, right?
Maybe you would even.
I did not.
I glanced at them, smiled slightly and made eye contact.
That’s all they got from me.
They had nothing to get a big pat on the head for,
and the last thing I want to raise are adults that believe that this world owes them something, that their happiness and centeredness or feeling of being lovable or worthy of blessings should ever come from an outside source of being acknowledged and patted on the ego.
Now you may very well differ and that is great if you do.
Maybe you believe that constant acknowledgement and recognition, false awards and making sure that no one’s feelings get hurt or that no one whacks another a little around in a good tossel or a race is the way that life’s supposed to work.
But I ask you this…
where else in life does this happen?
If you look at any other living creature out there on this planet of ours, where does life baby you? where does it pat you on the head and give you a participation award, go light on you because you are struggling or have gone through whatever sh*t?
The answer is no where.
Now you might say, well Kendal we are not wild animals.
We are advanced with intellect and we live in a civilized society.
For the most part yes.
But it’s a weak society.
A society that allows its liberties and freedoms to be stripped from it because everyone is running scared.
Because no one knows how to put in the elbow grease or take a MF hit on the field of life.
Our society takes offense to EVERYTHING.
You are damned no matter what in today’s world.
If you don’t say it politically correct on whatever given day it is then F-ck! You are ruined for life.
If you don’t make sure that you are always taking care of everyone else’s feelings and thoughts, views and attitudes well then you are horrible and self-centered.
Have boundaries just not with him, her, her, or him.
Take care of yourself unless it interferes with you taking care of me.
Live your truth unless I don’t like it.
You are powerful unless I deem others because you are not doing life the way I think you should.
And oh yeah, pat me on the MF head for being the best friend, the best husband or wife, the best lover, the best… the best….
You know that you could not do life without me.
So tell me so, damn it!
P-A-T M-E O-N T-H-E H-E-A-D!
Tell me that for showing up this morning, breathing and just being here that I am good.
That I you owe me.
That you see me.
That’s not reality.
Life supports the strong.
Life supports the bold.
Life supports those who support themselves.
Life supports the ones who don’t need the recognition and can just put their heads down and do the damn thing they need to do because they know that they need to do it, because that damn thing, is the damn thing that scares the sh*t out of them and their soul is pushing them to do, no matter anyone else.
Especially all those participation award folks.
And when you gain recognition and awards by just doing the damn thing, guess what?
You sure AF don’t hand over accolaids to others who just showed up on the MF sidelines of life that day.
Demanding that they have a right to your time, your money, your love, your space, or your energy in any fashion.
There is a BIG difference between recognition and love I want to add. That is there is a big difference between authentic love and recognition.
And a major issue with this participation award society outside of training us that we are owed a win when we have not earned it, or we are safe in the face of danger because someone has always saved us, or that we always will have someone running to our side to pick up the pieces and kiss our boo-boo’s when a true adult sucks it up and know that they have to hold themselves in all ways the majority of the time and that it is no one else’s responsibility to save us, make us happy or feel safe.
But on top of all of this vitally important life success training that is NOT happening, and the lack of character building that our society is struggling with or ability to KNOW WTF we are as individuals in any area of life without someone else leading us first and telling us that it’s okay, we have a society believing that recognition is a sign of love.
That applauds equal love.
So far from the truth we have fallen.
This is why so many people are lost and will fall for false love, end up being used and abused, and trying to constantly be something for someone else that they are not.
This is why so many are out of soul alignment.
They misjudge what true love is and they do not know themselves.
They are blocked from their core.
From their strength.
I ask you, how important is it that you get the pat on the head?
Do you believe that recognition and constant approval and noticing of the fact that you exist is actual love?
Do you find your strength here?
Or can you feel your weakness?
Time to wake the f-ck up my love.
You are worthy.
You are lovable.
You are valuable.
You are beautiful.
Recognize these facts in your core.
Stop needing the false approval of this world.
You must choose if you are a sheep or if you are a lion.
Life favors one,
the other is blinded by the wool it chooses to hide behind.
Stop Existing & Start Living
My heart felt like it was being crushed.
My chest had a weight on it that no matter how I tried to calm my breathing,
no matter the stretching and massaging that I provided my chest,
the pressure and constriction simply would not stop.
There was this low grade level of anxiety rising in my system as I could feel my body fighting with me.
But why was this happening?
I was not fearful of travel.
I was not feeling out of sorts with my lover who was sitting right there with me.
There was nothing that I could consciously come up with in this moment that would support the pain that I was in.
Fast forward a few hours….
We had landed. Gotten our car. And made it to the fauntleroy ferry in West Seattle. I was feeling far calmer now then just a few hours prior in the Uber ride to the airport.
However as soon as our Jeep rolled onto the ferry and we got parked the overwhelming feelings of being crushed and the anxiety made themselves known again.
Breathing deep as I could in the moment I quickly walked myself to the upper deck of the ferry and called my breath as I looked out over the harbor to Vashon Island. The wind encompassed me with the soft smell of sea salt in it,
the waves crashed up against the sides of the ferry, the sun let me feel delicate moments of warmth on the skin that was revealed and here I was in this moment,
There was no reason in this moment to stand here on this ferry and cry,
yet the tears came anyway.
And as they did the release into whatever was holding in my chest and begging me to let it go left with them.
Here on the ferry overlooking the water I surrendered to the unknown.
I let myself go into what logically made no sense.
I was happy.
I was excited to share my love of Washington with my lover for a few days.
I was feeling relaxed until I was not.
And my mind wanted answers.
My mind wanted to become Sherlock Holmes and figure it all out,
make reason for the pain,
and my holding of it.
But my soul and heart understood its truth.
My body and mind had been arguing you could say.
They were not in alignment.
And THAT is what was causing me to suffer.
WIthout realizing it I was not surrendering to the beauty and release of this trip. I was holding onto an old concept,
I was holding onto the version of me who used to live here in Seattle all those years ago and STRUGGLE in life.
who missed so much of the greatness of this place.
Here I was 15 years later, holding onto these fragments of self.
Not letting myself release fully into who I have become.
Who I have grown into being and the life that I have today.
The fear of the old me was actually creating physical pain in the current. The old thought programs and beliefs around money and relationships that I use to try to exist in life were being unmasked in my energy and my current state of who I AM was being asked by my old sabotaging thoughts and ideas to lay down and shut up.
And here was the significant constriction that I was feeling.
The feeling like I could not breathe.
The feeling like my chest was going to explode and my ribs were being broken from the inside out.
The agony in my gut.
And the intense headache that came with it all as my whole being just wanted to flee the idea of this trip I had planned.
I was not surrendering to me.
I was not surrendering to this moment.
I was not surrendering to life or what it was blessing me with.
And I was not surrendering all because of an old concept and old beliefs that were trying to make themselves current.
I was out of alignment.
The issue with my alignment was causing me the pain and the fear.
The only thing that could save me was my own surrender into the depths of the unknown,
into this moment.
into this experience.
into life and what it was offering me.
And as I did so,
the tears streamed down my face,
the wind whipped itself around me,
the waves crashed against the ferry boat,
the sun shone through the clouds and asked to warm my skin,
and I took a deep breath letting it all go.
My world was right again.
My body let go of everything that it was holding,
and it let go of the need to falsely try and control what it could not control.
It let go of this moment in life and allowed the moment to JUST BE.
Without a need to know what was going to come next.
Without the need to hold onto the moment and ask that it never change or leave.
My SOUL was again in the driver’s seat,
and in it I was aligned.
Some would look at moments like this or times that they feel these same constrictions and fears, anxiety and “gut reactions” as signs to turn and go another direction.
and sometimes they can mean just that for sure,
However often they are signs that we are on the tipping edge of everything that we desire to be birthed into our world and our old versions of self are there testing us.
Asking us if we are sure that we truly want everything that we have proclaimed that we do.
Many people at this moment misread what their body, mind and emotions are speaking to them and they turn away from EVERYTHING.
They will say,
“That’s just too risky.”
“I need to see it to believe it.”
“I need to know that this person is as invested as I am.”
” I don’t want to hurt so and so or get hurt.”
“Timing is wrong, I can feel it.”
And they step away from life.
They step away from some of the best moments of living.
They turn away from the experiences that will grow them into that next version and they do it all in the name of “having a feeling.”
They do it based on logic.
They do it because they look at the suffering and pain,
the anxiety as a symbol that THIS IS NOT THE PATH.
When that is not at all what is being said.
Your SOUL is saying this FEAR that you are having right now is here telling you that THIS….
THIS is the perfect path that will transform you into that next beautiful version of who you were born to become.
This fear that you are having is here because you have control issues and life is not for controlling, it is here for you to love and enjoy,
and in your loving and enjoying of each delicate moment and your release into the unknown you BIRTH YOURSELF.
And you BECOME.
But you must SURRENDER.
In the small moments as well as the big ones.
Because the universe/God is not looking at the size of the moments,
but at your ability to be in alignment with SOURCE.
That is the meaning of FAITH.
That is having CERTAINTY that you will always get what you want for and need.
That is how you make MAGICK in your life and THRIVE.
Can you surrender to life?
We are all being asked to do just this.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Message me for deets on the Magick Minute.
I have too many tabs open.
I cannot compute any longer.
My breaker box is on overload and it’s causing me to numb out.
Just this morning I was explaining to my lover that I am a person who does not do well with a bunch of unfinished projects just sitting around. It causes me stress and if I cannot get them completed by myself, if they are out of my control then I end up numbing myself out to them and thus to life.
I love dreaming things into reality.
There is no better feeling than to witness the birth of a dream being realized.
I love seeing things being built.
watching the walls of a project go up and picking out all the little details to make it my own.
I love seeing something come into reality.
It feels good.
It feels fulfilling.
It has a certain charge to it.
And it makes you want to explore more,
dream more, feel more, witness more.
But when you get too many tabs open,
you end up with chaos.
And I don’t know about you but when my outside world has too many projects to complete and I look around,
I feel overwhelmed and anxious.
I don’t know where to start and I start to doubt myself.
All my self sabotage programs come up and I start to hear the roar of you are not good enough, there is not enough of you to go around, get your shit together, you are messy, you are scattered, you are lost.
And to a degree these programs are damn f-cking correct.
I am feeling chaotic, lost and like there is not enough of me to go around.
And so, I turn myself off to feeling it.
These thoughts create a mindset that I know at my core will not do me any favors, so it is best to just disconnect from them. Shut that shit down or go into a panic or a rage about the mess of life.
My head in these times gets so overloaded with thoughts and my internal check list is longer than you can imagine.
So I attempt to shut it all down and turn away from it.
But there is a mighty big issue with this attitude that I am prone to.
You see you don’t get to just shut down one feeling.
or one thought line.
You don’t get to just turn away from this one thing,
or detach from it and look another direction without the same distancing happening there too.
That background thought processor is on overdrive and it’s running crazy.
The checklist is flashing warning lights at you when you close your eyes.
And you wake up and what are you greeted with?
All the tabs that you left open that were draining your energy even though you closed the lid to the computer to let it rest.
Closing the lid, or detaching yourself from the list of chaos that is causing you overwhelm and anxiety can work in short spurts IF…
IF you open back up shortly thereafter and get the shit taken care of.
But if you just bounce from project to project ( tab to tab)
and never finish it up you drain yourself and never allow yourself to shut fully down to recharge.
In this case recharging means,
projects complete to you can be PRESENT in the moment with whatever you are doing to relax, to step away, to charge yourself.
This includes your sex life,
playful events, dates, experiences and just chilling with the family or friends.
Lately, I have noticed that I have too many tabs open.
And it’s causing me to numb out to everything because I am burned out mentally and emotionally with things.
I am starting to feel the spin of constant thoughts that won’t leave me to rest no matter what I try to do to step away and give myself a break.
My mind is on hyper drive.
And without rest I am having trouble being present in my life,
in my sex, in my work, in my daily yoga or just watching a movie.
This lack of presence and hyperdrive of thoughts has the nasty effect of stunting desire.
And leaves you with a feeling of, “I am bored.”
And when you are bored and desireless,
you don’t have much motivation,
much turn on for life or love or creation,
you don’t really care because caring would start up those engines of anxiety and overwhelm and your tank is empty to why bother.
So hands go up to the heaven,
you drop to your knees,
leane back on the floor and say….
Too many tabs open.
It’s not a great space.
But right now in our world, I believe that many of us are feeling this way. We have been busy entertaining ourselves with home repairs, projects galore, picking up extra work, etc, etc,
and we have been more aware of all the spots in our life that we are not satisfied, that perhaps we feel blaise, or that we are just settling, just getting by.
Our souls are not designed for blaise or getting by.
We were not born with the desire to settle in life.
We are all creators.
We are all born to LIVE.
So what is the answer to, too many tabs open and what it causes in the long haul?
Close the effing tabs!
Deal with your shit.
and then allow yourself a reboot.
Give your mental, emotional and physical bodies a break.
It does not take long to recharge,
but if you keep those tabs open and just go through the motions of taking a break then you are doing yourself a disservice.
Today I encourage you to take things off your mental list by delegating, writing it down and hiring out what you can. Looking at what you actually need to get done and what you “think” you need to get done and letting go of anything that is causing you mental or emotional stress that is NOT NEEDED.
Then DO THE DAMN THINGS that will clear your tabs.
Once that’s done, go find humor.
Go find play.
And make your work be about being present in your body.
You have not allowed yourself to embody yourself all this time because your internal space was taken up with chaos and overwhelm, but now you can.
Give yourself permission to breathe into YOU.
You are worthy of THRIVING.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Learn the secrets of rebooting your life and thriving with 1:1 global access coaching now. It’s time you started living fully.
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STOP YOUR DAMN STINKING THINKING LUV.
You know what I mean
You are sitting around wanting.
Craving all those things.
Desiring a life you don’t currently have,
And thinking the way to achieve it is by focusing on the not having of it.
Thats such stinking thinking luv.
Its polluting up your mind and your feelings about everything that you have.
If you really want the life you currently don’t have then realize that the only fucking way to get what you want is to apply your focus to that, that you WANT.
And the FEELING of it.
But NO EFFING way will you do that, huh.
No thats not logical.
You have this problem.
This challenge before you.
You must FIX what is broken
You must PROVE you are worthy.
It can’t be that easy to just start feeling good.
In this very moment,
To make up your damn mind to LOVE your MOFO life just as it is and feel BLESSED.
No way can it be so simple to change your life by applying your focus to being how you want right now instead of looking somewhere else,
Someplace outside of who you are and what you have.
No your stinking thinking has you believing that your happiness,
Is something you must search for.
Something you must look outside yourself for.
Something that you must work for or show your worth for.
Your stinking thinking has you focused on giving up your power to this world outside yourself in hopes that by doing so you will achieve this elusive thing called HAPPINESS.
And the sad and funny truth is that happiness is not found in things or other people.
Its found in your heart luv.
Its found by you truly embodying YOU.
But you were never taught that.
You were never shown its safe to be you.
To feel you.
Instead the lies and illusions of looking elsewhere were given to you and now the void within is so vast you feel lost.
You have the relationship,
The house and snazzy car.
You have the education.
The success and even money in the bank.
You have seen this world.
And you still FEEL empty as fuck!
You still feel lost in who you really are and it all just seems pointless at best most days.
You are so beautiful in your misgivings of this thing called life.
You are so simple in you desire for happiness and fullness.
But its your MOFO stinking thinking thats making it all so complicated.
So disheartening and making you miss the richness you already possess.
You are RICH.
YOU are ABUNDANT.
And happiness is within you.
Will you CHOOSE to see and feel it or will you continue to give your power and joy away to the illusions and grandeur of this world that tells you to focus on the problems,
Whats your decision luv?
And as always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
” Coaching for Grown A*s Believers ”