I am too much.
Truly I am.
The way I share,
the way I love,
the way I enjoy,
the way I act,
the way I sex,
the way I can let go,
the way I parent,
the way I live.
It is all too much and then some.
Yet I am happy being too much.
Even though it costs me relationships,
arguments, hurt feelings and lot’s of change.
I am too much,
and it is just who I am.
But my too much,
is still not enough,
because my too much,
won’t give you what you want and may need.
How can this be?
Too much is not enough???🤔
You see it is the very fact that in being too much,
I push the limits.
I push the limits on everything,
especially on love, on relationship, on sex and my over all way of living.
Too much means that I am demanding in these things.
Too much means that I know what I want,
and I am not afraid to go after it.
Too much means that if I feel like I need more of something or that I cannot achieve it in the way before me that I will go and get it another way,
and tell you about it.
Too much means that I share.
I share in massive amounts,
because I want you to know.
I want you to step into the pool of living with me,
in integrity.
I want to grow,
and experience,
and I want to do it with those who want it too.
The other too muchers out there.
Yes, too much means that I understand that life is very polyamorous in so many ways. I know that my heart can expand to the depths, to the horizons that I choose. I know that I can love many and deeply. And I do.
I do this daily.
I do it openly,
and it makes me too much.
For many.
My too much is not enough,
even though you proclaim it is everything.
My too much is not enough,
even though you claim not to want to change me.
My too much is not enough,
even though you enjoy when it suites your desires.
My too much is not enough,
because it will push you to your limits.
It will make you uncomfortable.
It will test your heart.
It will call to your soul.
It will demand for you to fly or to walk away.
I am too much,
and it is a life long heartache,
as I share of my too muchness,
with those who love it and then hate it.
I am too much and with it comes the pain of loss,
as people ebb and flow,
and say they cannot do it.
With feeble excuses,
they move into knew life choices,
they run away from my too much,
to all that is comforting and less challenging.
Here is the reality of life for anyone who is truly too much.
We share deeply of ourselves,
we love deeply of those who dance with us in moments of our lives,
and we know that our too much will burn them.
And with the fire they will run.
Run into the arms of another.
Run into the comforts of average.
Run into the excuses of ego,
of jealous,
Yes that is what will happen,
because my too much is not enough.
And it will push you into the pain of reality.
The pain that you cannot hold me.
You cannot control me.
You cannot conquer me.
You can only dance with me.
And dance I will for hours and days,
for months and years,
and even decades.
But it is ultimately your choice,
how long the dance lasts.
Grow and expand.
Breathe in the feelings.
Breathe in the beauty,
the boldness,
the joy,
the play,
the adventure.
But heed the desire to stop it’s flow,
for in that moment is when the dance will end.
As always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
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    1 Response to "When Too Much isn’t Enough."

    • Billy Perdue

      My Lovely Kendal,
      I’m afraid that I will have to disagree with you on this one. Your beauty, your words, the sexuality that you exude, and the confidence that underlies all of it is most certainly too much for most. Of that I have no doubt, but I am a whole different animal. There was no mold to break, a mold couldn’t begin to restrain me and the very subtle but very powerful energy that you literally feel pulsating as you near me. If what you describe is your too much, then what I have is an extreme abundance of overwhelming and inexplicable energy. It is what draws women to me even when they have no initial interest. I am not particularly remarkable, at least not in a way that can be put into words. And all the same they come when I desire. But, I warn them as you have me that I am too much for them. They won’t last two weeks before they start to break. You walk through fire and that I can stand the heat, but I walk on the edge where you must be able to keep your mind focused on self preservation when you can’t stop thinking about what our dance will be like. I have always thought that I was too much, but not in an overbearing way. No, a much more subtle way that happens in such a way that by the time I have you completely lost in a mixed state of love and something words can’t do justice it’s too late. I have given you my all and asked you for nothing in return, but you are lost and feel as though running away will be the only thing that saves you…but not before you ask for one last dance.
      I am very open minded and have the ability to share myself with more than one person without getting entangled in or the other. Likewise I am able to give fully to each without showing favorable attention to one.
      You have found someone that is probably more like you than you would care to believe or admit. I can fully engage in the dance for the duration and at any point have the ability to realize the music has stopped and walk away with amazing memories and no regrets.
      We might be mystical creatures to the masses, but we are able to transcend what they have been conditioned to think is the only way.
      That leads me to answer the question you most certainly have by now. Why am I seeking your assistance? Because the laws of attraction, the dance that ensues, and the parting of our ways are not what I perceive as my issue. No, it is the deeper energy, the Fuck Yes Life, the breathing, the feeling, and the experience that your dialogue begs one to desire more than singular experiences.

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