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Why Women Give Themselves Up In Relationship.

“ Why did you come home a different path than what you normally do?” Stew asked Rachel before she could even get her car door closed. 

 

“ You are over 15 minutes late and how many times have I told you that I don’t like that? Hmmm…You are so stupid. I can’t trust you with anything. I hope you had fun on your little adventure on the way home.”

 

Rachel could feel her heart racing. 

The tension in her chest, the nausea rising. 

Your stomach was upside down and in knots. 

She felt worthless, stupid, and as if she always messing everything up. 

It could have been a nice evening at home. 

They could have just enjoyed dinner, a glass of wine and chilled watching their favorite show, but no, she messed it up yet again. Stew always made her aware of her screw ups and how disappointed he was in her. He was good at making sure that she held the blame for the “bullsh*t” as he called it, and made sure that she was aware of how little trust he had in her and that she was nothing but a stupid child who needed constant reprimand. 

 

“F-ck You!” Robert yelled at Sally as he slammed the door shut. 

“You are my wife. You should not disrespect me like that.”

 

Sally breathed deeply, trying to keep her composure as she finished getting ready for bed. 

She knew that if she took too long that things would get worse for her. She also knew that if she raced out after him that he would only yell something else and potentially get physical. So she breathed, let a few tears fall, looked herself in the mirror and told herself, ‘Everything is going to be okay, we are going to make it through this.” Then walked calmly as she could with her knees trembling out of the bathroom and into the bedroom where Robert had planted himself on the far edge of the bed, eye’s closed and obviously disgusted and ready to attack. Sally sat down on the bed next to him and said, “Honey, let’s talk about this. I just wanted to know what you wanted with the video, it made me feel uncomfortable.” Robert sprung up off the bed in a rage, yelling…

 

“You are my f-cking wife, you don’t need to know what I want with anything. I can do whatever I want with pictures and videos of you.”

 

Sally sat still as can be, looking down at the bed. 

She knew that she could not say anything else. 

Or be accused of not loving him, not caring, disrespecting and so much more. 

 

Tyson leaned in grabbed Steph’s long hair and pulled her back so that he could whisper in her ear. They were in the thrawls of sex and it was getting really heated. He pulled her head back, wrapped his hand around her hips and said, “You are so f-cking hot. You are so wet. I want to see another woman going down on you. I want to see her enjoying you.” Steph felt a moment of panic in her body, tightness crossed over her breasts. Her heart began to ach. She did not want to wreck his fantasy but she was the furthest thing from aroused at this idea. Tyson loved to “talk dirty” and he loved to paint images of wild and risky events in her ears during sex. Steph hated it all. She just wanted to be with him. Every time Tyson spoke of other men, women, threesomes and moresomes, gang bangs, and risky locations she found herself in a state of fear. She could no longer feel pleasure or be present there in the moment with him. And she did not want to burden her husband with her silliness as he called it when she tried to share that she was not into these things. He always would  paint the tale and then tell her that he could tell how turned on she was from it, that she wanted it. If she said anything different then he would get angry, stonewall her for days and only tell her that she was so closed down and disconnected from herself that she could not even tell when she was aroused. But he knew. 

 

These are all true stories!

These are my clients of the past. ( names changed to keep privacy)

Women who shared with me the deep pain that they went through consistently in their relationships. The stress that these things put them under and now here they sat before me wanting to unravel the mess that had been taught to them, that they had somehow started to believe was true. 

 

Now one might wonder how can anyone believe something of any of these natures if it just is not so. It is obvious to the outside reader of these tales that these are women who are being abused emotionally, physically and mentally. You might say they should just wake up and get a divorce, save themselves. Not always that easy and everyone has their own reasons as to why that is not always on the table. Most of the time the woman in this instance believes that she is responsible for how her partner is treating her and that she even has it coming. 

 

Ingrained in her psyche from the earliest of years, the majority of women are taught to look pretty, be kind, always put others first, keep the peace and do what is needed or expected of them. 

 

These teachings support the nature of the feminine fully to be peace keepers and nurturers. However they do not support a healthy relationship container, nor a healthy individual. 

 

Women suffer from depression, anxiety and other stress related disorders more than men do across the board. 

 

Upto five times more women suffer from such ailments as TMJ, hormone dysfunctions, migraine and an array of autoimmune disorders than men. Over fifty percent of women surveyed in multiple studies said that they suffered from “high stress levels” and that their stress has increased immensely over the last few years where only one in four men said the same. 

 

70% of women claim they don’t orgasm during sex. 

A striking 60% plus claim that their male partner has forced sex on them even after they said that they did not want it. 

It is an understatement to say that that only 60% of women have been sexually violated at some point in their lives, and almost that many have also experienced physical and/or emotional and mental abuse as well from a male close to them. 

 

These acceptances in relationship start in a woman’s youth. 

The expectations that she is taught from age three forward. 

Her relationship with her father, brothers, uncles and other men. 

How she is looked upon, the remarks made, and then the constant awareness that she is responsible for the actions, words and even thoughts of the men that come into her life. 

 

She is trained to care at all cost for the man in her life. 

To sacrifice her own needs and boundaries even. to make sure that he is happy and satisfied and she is taught that if she does not do this that it is to be expected to be “punished.”

 

In today’s world of feminist rights and movements, you would think that these ideas would have been put to rest a decade or so ago at very least, and they are starting to loosen around the feminine but now are turning toward the masculine where we women are attempting to make right the wrongs by inflicting our pain and revenge on men. However, all we are truly doing is creating more pain for both sexes. We are traumatizing all sides and we are putting all the more stress and anxiety on we women as we believe strong heartedly that all men are toxic. We now undervalue the beauty and strength of the masculine leadership, logical minds, ability to nurture in their own way and stand true at their core. These characteristics however are only instilled in the masculine if they are raised to believe in themselves and to value and trust the feminine. Our men of today and of the last few decades have been raised by a scorned feminine. They have witnessed the pain of both sexes and they do not know where they stand or what it means to be a man in our world. 

 

There is truly no safe haven for man or woman in todays world. 

And we have all been raised by victims. 

 

So where does this musing of today take us?

What is the take away that I want for you to gain from this message here?

 

First, I want to share that my above client stories all came to me because the men wanted change for their relationship and woman. Although, none understood what they were truly asking nor what they would get, they were the leaders of the change. They were the ones who said, “Something has to happen here. She needs to find her power, her self-love and worth.”

The women, most of them would have chosen to remain in the same shoes, to not cause a stir in their relationship. They would have sacrificed the rest of their years on this planet not initiating, not speaking their truth, staying the peacekeepers that they were and having limited confrontation. Because that is how a woman thinks and believes. 

She does not want to fight. 

She wants everyone to just get along. 

 

And she will deal with herself, 

Her emotions and fears, 

Her negative thoughts and her broken heart most likely in the parking lot of the grocery store. Alone. Parked and crying until she feels spent and able to move again. 

 

Next, relationship…. All relationship is about power. 

There is delicate harmony to the dance of power, and intimate relationship all the more delicate because it deals with the heart. It deals with our hopes and dreams. It is the one space that many will do what they would never do anywhere else. They will speak the cruelest of words to one they hold so dear because they know that they can get away with it. They will say yes when they are hard no because they do not want to be a disappointment or let the other down. They will accept so much less from their partner and take more on for themselves. And they will do all of this good and bad alike because of their positioning in the relationship and how they have been taught. You see, its all a cookie cutter thought process. Its about what we will accept for ourselves, how we value ourselves and what we have been taught to believe and look for in the opposite sex. 

 

Unfortunately, none of this is healthy. 

None of this has anything to do with love of our mate. 

It only reveals how we view ourselves and what we will accept. 

It shows our scars. 

It shows how easily we will give ourselves away in a multitude of ways and even let our health be destroys all for the attention and approval if only for one second in time from another. 

 

These men, who brought their wives in to “get fixed” all said the same thing in their consult. 

“ I love her. I want her to see how powerful beautiful and radiant she is. I want her to speak her truth even if it hurts. I want her to know that I support her.”

 

However, as the women learned to speak their truth which is where they found their power and self-love and worth, the men found themselves being told the truth more and this caused more pain, more confrontation, fights, anger, rage and sometimes trauma. Some of these couples are no longer together. The men discovered that as amazing and hot as it sounds to be with an empowered woman who will tell you the truth that they could not bare to be with her any longer, they wanted something less testing in their relationship. They did not want to hear her pain, her disagreement, her thoughts. And the women discovered that they needed a man that was willing to truly listen to her as well as himself. They discovered that they required and deserved a man who was willing to work on himself as well and valued her for all her feminine tendencies instead of looking at these natural characteristics as betrayals or disrespect. 

 

And the couple who made it through this edgy space of healing?

Well they discovered who each of them were. 

They learned how to communicate without violence. 

They learned how to stop blaming and jumping to conclusions. 

They learned how to remain present in the issue and moment with each other. 

And above all else, they learned to let go of the need to be right. 

To be seen or understood, even by their partner. 

And that they were never going to fully heal their wounds of the past or overcome the triggers associated with them, but that they could inquire into the self as, “how does this support our relationship right now and what can I do to better hear my partner?”

 

If you take nothing but this last line away with you today, then that my dear reader is enough. 

 

Know that you are worthy. 

You are whole and enough.

And it is always okay to make mistakes, 

You will not get it right all the time. You will not always stand strong in your word even. 

Some days you will fall great distances. 

Because you are human. 

And so is your partner. 

 

As Always, 

Stop Existing & Start Living

 

  • Kendal Rene’

 

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WHY WOMEN APPEAR WISHY-WASHY, TOO FLUID AND PASSIVE.

😅🤣🤨AND HE ASKED…ARE YOU UPSET ABOUT SOMETHING? —MY RESPONSE, “ALWAYS.” 👊🤣🤨

 

Perhaps one of the most honest answers a woman has ever given  a man and that’s what we are talking about today…women’s honesty or lack thereof and how it relates to sexual fulfillment.

 

Alright men, today I am going to be your “wing chick…”

And let you in on the female brain and emotions a tad.

You might want to sit down and pour yourself a drink because you will most likely find yourself scratching your head in bewilderment by the time you get done reading this.

 

I just want to start out by saying that the majority of the time we women don’t fully understand why we are feeling or thinking the way that we are feeling or thinking.

 

So guys, don’t think that you will ever understand the feminine.

Cuz’ you won’t.

 

But you can try and gain some insight to what you may perceive as wishy-washy, as too fluid, or passive even. 👈

 

🌹First, realize that what attracts you to your woman is her feminine flow. The fact that she is different from you.

 

🌹You love her smile and laugh. She won’t be smiling and laughing very much if she turns toward her masculine energy and gets up in her head. Over thinking and analyzing, problem solving and leading do not make a woman warm, sexy, or vibrant. They dim her light and laughter. This does not mean that she should not or cannot be a great problem solver or leader, it just means that if she takes up residence there for very long she will lose the luster and find herself turned off to life in general.

 

🌹You adore those moments in bed with her where she surrenders fully to you, where she is the seductress of your dreams and you feel like a king. This sort of surrender is only authentically achieved if she can feel herself fully. If she is having to explain what she is feeling or needing, or feels like she needs to perform for you then she will not embody herself and instead just be “putting on a show.” Which I am guessing you may enjoy but once realized that it is just that, a show, you may not want it. You want the real deal, right? This requires that she be aroused long before the penetration ever happens.

 

👉Foreplay for the next round starts 5 minutes before the current sexual event ends. 🤯

 

What does that mean you may ask?

It means that it should never end.

It means that if you want your woman to be raring to go whenever you are ready, that you gotta realize that men and women DO NOT operate the same sexually. 👈🤨💥

 

What type of an orgasm a woman has, has a lot to do with how long she will be aroused, feeling sexual and be open to more sex and intimacy.

 

The issue is that the majority of women fib to their guys about the sex and the orgasm.

 

That’s right men, more than likely she has been lying to you.🤯

 

I know, it’s not what any guy wants to hear…

and that’s why women don’t tell you the truth.

They feel they are being kind to you by not saying, yeah I did not have an orgasm. Or “you did not even help me to get ready for sex.”

 

Women have a tough time asking for what they need.

They may say, ” I want to have sex.”

But when it comes down to actually asking for what they need, thats a different tale all together and that is because they themselves have no idea what they need most of the time because they are so disconnected from their sex, their hearts and their bodies in general.

 

Women and men alike think that a woman’s best orgasm comes from the clitorus. Or a whole bunch of thrusting hard and fast.

But this is just f-cking.

It’s empty.

And it does not fulfill her or you.

It may get you off, and it might get her a quick release too,

but it is not going to fulfill her or make her feel connected to you.

 

👉In order for her to surrender and have a deep orgasm, she needs to feel you. 👈

 

And it’s more than your manhood I am speaking of here. 😳

 

She needs your heart. <3

 

She needs you to lead her with your confidence,

your passion and desire.

She needs you to kiss her, to touch her.

 

For two decades I have been telling men that if they could just see a woman’s body as one big sexual organ and make love to the entirety of her that they would get so much further with turning their woman on.

 

👉Men back away from kissing.

👉Men love a woman’s body but do not sensually touch it.

👉Men love a womans breasts and hips but forget about them during foreplay and sex.

👉Men are fascinated with female orgasm and pleasure but don’t want to playfully explore to make it happen. EVERY TIME!

👉Men feel threatened by toys and requests.

👉Men don’t put enough emphasis on playing, laughing, courting, snuggling of which all lead her into feeling you more and surrendering to you deeper, as well as being able to tune into her own body more.

 

Foreplay is not just about sexy, sensual touching BTW.

Foreplay is about caring and courting.

Foreplay is about talking and listening.

Foreplay is about letting her feel your emotions.

Foreplay is about adventure and always realizing that no matter how long you have been together, there is a new person before you each day that you need to discover.

 

Now maybe all of this is not news to you.

And that is great if that is the case.

 

👉But how does it relate to a woman being wishy-washy, too fluid or passive even?

 

No matter if your woman is deep in her feminine or locked up in her masculine, she is still a woman. And she has been programmed since birth as well as bears with her generational traumas and mindsets that tell her that she needs to take care of you.

 

That your ideas, needs, etc are priority.

She may internally feel different and say, “No damn it, I matter too.” But 98% of the time she will end up weighing out what she thinks you want vs how she feels or what she wants/needs and she will the majority of the time come back in your favor.

 

This will show up from the quantity and type of sex you are having to what is for dinner and how she sets up the home.

 

If you are among the many men out there who tire at asking your woman what she wants or needs only to get a deer in the headlight look back from her, realize that she is processing in that moment what she believes is the “right” answer to give to have the maximum amount of peace, connection and happiness over all.

 

👉These are the key things women want for.

Peace, Connection and Happiness. 👈

 

They translate down to security in all areas.

Women in general avoid confrontation and anything that we feel may cause it.

 

We are not warriors unless we need to be.

Women are nurturers by nature.

We are caregivers.

Peacekeepers.

Soothers.

 

So when you ask us our opinion about something…

We instantly go into, what’s the best answer for peace, connection and happiness? For my security in life and relationship?

 

You get the deer in the headlight look and we say whatever we feel is right. However, this answer may be completely opposite from what we actually need or desire. Thus, causing us to appear wishy-washy, too emotional, passive, etc.

 

A woman does not change her mind nearly as much as it is perceived that we do. 🤯

 

We just speak what we feel is right and then speak our truth sometime down the road.

 

Now here is how orgasm, foreplay and male connection plays a role in her truth telling or trying to get the right answer that is ingrained in us women to give.

 

The sex and orgasm that comes from the quick fix, the f-cking without heart and soul or connection, all of that just keeps her in a state of “performing” or of giving you the answer that she believes you need and want. It does not fulfill her, heal her, align her in any fashion. It’s fast food sexing and it keeps her operating from a place of emptiness and fear.

 

It pulls her deeper into a space of needing to make the “right” answers to keep peace, connection and happiness instead of opening up and surrendering to you and her.

AUTHENTICALLY.

 

You want your woman’s truth on all subject matters…

(most likely not going to happen…lol)

But you want to know that she can and will tell you her needs, desires and even initiate because she wants to initiate…

Or she will share what she wants to watch or eat?

Or where she would like to visit for vacation?

Or the fact that she is unhappy about something?

 

👉You want her to feel safe and secure with you?👈

 

Which equates to healing her trust issues that she has accumulated over her lifetime and learned from what society and history teaches?

 

Well, then SLOW THE F-CK DOWN with her. 😳🤯🤨

 

👊Stop f-cking her. 👊

 

🤯Stop distancing yourself from your own heart and body to prevent yourself from not having the stamina you feel is required to get her there and instead, make love to her every moment you are with her and even when you are not.

 

😘Try talking with her.

Asking her how her day was when you come together.

 

😘Kiss her in the morning as though you want to eat her up and kiss her in the evening with reverence.

 

👉Hold her close.

👉Look into her eyes.

👉Make her laugh.

👉Set aside time daily to just be with her.

 

👊👊👊And when you are wanting a little nookie, don’t expect that she can go from zero to 120 in the time frame that you can.

BECAUSE SHE CAN’T!!!!😳

 

You are damaging her body when you expect this.

You are shutting down her heart when you expect that.

You are disconnecting her from you and herself when you expect that.

 

She needs physical foreplay for her body to ignite.

To feel and get aroused.

For her to get  out of her head and into her sex.

And IF you can accomplish all of this (I know just a small tab to complete, but I have faith in you sir…) THEN….

She will provide you both with a most beautiful performance.

It will be authentic, deep, loving, sensual, passionate and fully surrendered to your intimacy and connection.

 

She will carry you to the thresholds of heaven.

She will have you basking in the joy and expansiveness of your unity and sex.

 

From this space of rapture and fulfillment she will speak with more confidence and trust in you and herself.

Your radiant authentic soul will dance with you.

 

Until you forget all that was learned and shared here and take it for granted to wonder once again, why is she so wishy-washy, so emotional and lost, so passive….why?

 

And you will learn one day that feminine needs you to penetrate her fully, heart, body and soul for her to be centered.

 

And to have faith that her words, her needs and desires can be heard without fear.

 

She needs you.

She needs your leadership and strength.

Your guidance and passion.

Your love and presence.

 

Without it she is lost.

 

As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

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This is an 8 week couples coaching series, private coaching with myself for the couple where we will cover commitment, trust, desire, communication, money and sex, values and goals, the entity of “us” and more. Available globally. Private – discounted for a limited time only. Message me for deet’s about this series NOW! Don’t wait. Restore your love and sex in 2021.🥰🥰🥰

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IS GOING MONOGAMOUS AFTER BEING POLYAMOROUS LEVELING UP YOUR RELATIONSHIP?

👊💥👉IS GOING MONOGAMOUS AFTER BEING POLYAMOROUS LEVELING UP YOUR RELATIONSHIP?😳👈

 

It’s a personal thing.

Well it should be a personal thing.

 

Recently I saw a status update from a man who was in a polyamorous relationship with a woman and she was in a relationship with another man. She decided that she wanted to “level up ” her relationship with this other man and came to the man I know and shared her decision and reasons. Although he was hurt, he understood and they parted with respect and understanding.

 

Another person recently shared that they had gone through something similar:

 

Can anyone relate? Several love connections have recently decided to monogamously close their new relationships

We’ve stayed in touch, but there’s been no acknowledgment or curiosity of how this transition may affect the feelings of someone who still has active desires. While I believe everyone has the absolute freedom to decide what relationship structure they desire at the moment, I’m having emotions around the lack of attunement or transitional “aftercare”. 😔

 

Now granted this share stirrers a bunch for me and I will be sharing it over the week as we go along but for today I am focusing on the transition from poly to monogamous and why some people feel it is “leveling up” a relationship.

 

As many of you may be aware, I was once upon a time married for almost two decades. It was a monogamous marriage, very traditional, very normal by the standards and we had with it all the typical challenges that come with marriage.

 

I realized over the course of time that I felt trapped. I felt unseen. I felt controlled and like I had to sacrifice pieces of myself to keep the marriage going. I found myself not speaking my truth, hiding my emotions and thoughts around tons of things and it was all eating away at me. I became dead to life, caloused to my heart and feelings, as well as to my sex and a zombie in so many ways.

 

So one day, I decided that things had to change and I asked for a divorce.

 

My purpose was now to discover myself, learn myself, my sex, my body, my likes and dislikes. I felt like I had been living according to what my husband wanted of me and the lack of integrity was ridiculous. So my only focus in finding myself was to remain in integrity at all cost.

 

This concept of radical integrity which I quickly discovered was hard AF!

And scary, it was beautiful beyond measure.

It allowed me a space to do exactly what I wanted.

Learn me.

 

I entered this next phase of my life, dating multiple men, speaking what I wanted, setting boundaries on time, my heart and my sex that I felt good about. I was in control of myself.

 

Giving my best to each partner I chose to share myself with and getting only the aspects of them that they wanted to give, which was of course the best aspects. The fun. The play, the ability to hold space, to listen and share without concern or judgment.

It was beautiful.

 

Or was it?

As time went on, I truly believed that I was most likely not meant for just “one ”. After almost two decades of control and rules that monogamy seemed to impose on couples, I truly believed that it was not healthy or loving. I believed that monogamy was only for small minded, control based relationships where relationships were based in fear, insecurity, need and a desire to control someone else. I counted monogamy as an ego driven style of relating.

 

🙏Open relationships felt more loving and accepting. 🙏

 

It felt safer.

 

I did not have to put all my eggs into one basket.

I did not have to have needs met by one.

And that was a loving thing, to not expect everything from “one.”

 

As time went on, I found myself moving into less open relating and wanting more depth and connection with just a couple of men.

 

Here I landed into a double primary relationship, where I had two men and I was the primary to each of them and they to me.

 

Allowing for my stability in my life.

And for some amount of years we were pretty successful in our poly-based relationship.

 

That was we were successful UNTIL “I” got really stable in who I was, what I wanted, what I liked and did not like and spoke my truth.

 

My one partner was highly upset that  after years of going along with things and being playful and adventurous, I suddenly changed my ways and had harder boundaries in what I wanted and did not enjoy in our sexing. He stated that I did not know myself. Saying that I needed to trust him. You see he was great with me having boundaries around my heart that I had instilled through open relationship where it was vital for me to not get overly attached to anyone and lose myself in them.  But when it came to my boundaries around my sex and body, he was frustrated with me. He wanted to act out his fantasies with my body and he wanted me to want it and trust him in it. Of which I could not because his fantasies were not mine AND he did not penetrate my heart.

 

My other partner, with him I could soften and move into our sexing with ease. I trusted him here. I knew that he wanted for my pleasure and safety not for his fantasy. He had accessed a bit more of my heart and I was wanting to move more into that lush space with him. I wanted to go deeper and commit more. And so I found myself requesting to move to a more monogamous relationship with him.

 

Now granted he chose differently.

He did not want that with me.

He found it with someone else and he set me free.

 

Thank goodness he did too.

Because he gifted me with the best thing ever, my freedom.

Freedom to get very clear on what I really was aligned too and what I really desired in relationship.

 

I had learned so much from all my experiences.

And I knew that what I truly wanted was depth in a relationship.

I knew that I wanted to surrender fully into a relationship and let my heart be held by another.

 

I was tired of the armour that an open relationship had created in its attempt to drop all the armour that had been created in the monogamous marriage of my past.

 

And so fast forward to NOW.

 

👉The relationship that I was not  ready for 25 years ago when I was still married.

 

👉The relationship that I could not have handled just two years ago as I sorted through my feelings, perspectives and views on freedom, commitment and authentic love.

 

👉The relationship that over a decade ago I was not ready for because I believed that immersion was bad and ego based.

 

Today I am monogamous.

And so many people ask me, “WHY?”

 

How can I go from being so open in love, relationship and sex to only having “ONE?”

 

“So in the past you have had non monogamous relationships, but it seems like now you are happy in a monogamous relationship.  So do you think that was because It ultimately wasn’t the right relationship in the past?  Or do you think it was more about where you were in your life and what you wanted at that time vs now?  Or was it more about the partner and what they were comfortable or ok with? Or a combo of all.” – Client inquiry.

 

💥💥💥And to these people and the individuals above who recently went through a transition in their polyamorous loves “leveling up” to monogamy I say this…

 

To some yes, monogamy means all the negative terms I shared and more. It means control and loss of rights. It means that you sacrifice who you are, what you want to explore and who you get to explore with.

 

But when someone is moving from polyamory to monogamy, if they are not being pressured into it but actually want it, it is because they are wanting “more” in their relationship.

 

More:

👉depth

👉commitment

👉transparency

👉trust

👉respect

👉aligned goals

👉connection

👉surrender

👉heart

 

And they have come through the beautiful education of what polyomourous relationships teach and offer and are ready to fully immerse themselves into what they feel is “home.”

 

Why have I come back full force to monogamy?

Simple….

 

💥HE SEE”S ALL OF ME – There is nothing hidden in my relationship. He has witnessed me through a few years in different relationship labels and he has seen my weakness, my fears, my inner battles, my demons. He knows me and he is willing to keep unearthing the parts of me by my side as I go deeper into my soul and heart with him. He continues to choose me, all the while standing strong in who he is and what he needs and wants in our relationship.

 

 

💥WE ARE ALIGNED IN MIND< HEART< SOUL AND BODY – This means that our values are aligned in these areas. We have taken the time not only to delve into each other and truly listen and watch, but to also stand in vulnerability with each other and share. Our lives blend together with ease, not asking either one of us to make massive life changes or be something that we are not. Our views on the world are similar. We live in a dance of joint commitment to relationship happiness and strength instead of who is right or wrong.

 

💥A WHOLE PACKAGE- Not what you might think I mean here. The whole package is all about the alignment and the feeling of “home.” Here is the thing, we may enjoy other destinations when we are world travelers but the feeling of coming home is fantastic if you have a good home. But what if you live in your dream destination and have everything you can ever want for? What if the thought of being a world traveler sounds exhausting and full of drama, even empty? If your home is that spectacular then you just  want to bask in your joy of the home you have and really sink into it. You want to build your life there. This is called full immersion. And it is what the soulmate relationship is all about. I believe that we are all looking for this and we simply don’t believe it’s a real thing because we get led astray and hurt so much that we end up armouring our hearts to it. There is something inside we humans that want the equal yoking and entwinement of the whole being where we become one. This is because we crave at our deepest level to have rock solid trust, love and transparency with another and it can only truly happen when two people commit to each other and make zero room for interruptions, chaos or things that distract.

 

👊I HAD TO WANT AND BE WILLING TO BE HELD LIKE THIS.👊

 

And this is a scary AF place to want to set up camp.

Let me tell you this.

Open relationships allowed for detachment, even encouraged it.

I taught myself that was the most loving thing to do.

 

💥Soul-monogamy💥requires unbelievable trust in surrendering into your mate and removing anything that can be perceived as a barrier. Ultimate transparency and acceptance of self and your partner. The reality is you cannot have soul-monogamy with just anyone. You must be ready for it and you must have the right person show up to meet you in this meadow of the rest of your life. 

 

It is Soul-penetration.

 

Yeah, there is a lot here and I hope that you found something for where you are at in your relationship and style.

There is no right or wrong in relating.

The only thing you ever need to do is find ALIGNMENT for where you are and speak your truth about it.

Your soul and heart are learning, and it is your responsibility to listen to the lessons and have faith in your steps.

 

For me, Soul-monogamy is my true path.

The rules that I was once intolerable of are now my heart’s desire.

I am not controlled by the container that we have built together but instead freed by it to know that I am protected and supported by my choices and my commitment and that my partner is aligned to these as well.

 

Freedom comes with responsibility.

Responsibility is defined by the guidelines that help us to have clarity to know what is needed in any situation or choice to be made.

 

Commit to these things and you will find yourself one day in the arms of your soulmate. 

 

As Always, 

Loving you from here on your journey. 

 

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Helping dynamite powerful souls like yourself discover love and fulfilment is what my passion is. Over the last two decades I have worked with hundreds of women & men such as yourself to call in their soulmate by aligning to their truth. I have guided countless couples not to just rekindle a love that they thought was lost, but to create an empowered turned on and fully aligned partnership based in love with 8 simple steps. If you are a woman or man who is looking for happiness, love and abundance in life and is sick and tired of just getting by, reach out to me for a FREE Clarity Call today where we will define exactly what is holding you back, what you are wanting to call in and the next best steps to achieve your desired life. Message me to set up your FREE Clarity Call today.

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YOUR PREFERENECES IN A MAN DON’T MATTER.

HAVE YOU REALIZED YET THAT YOUR PREFERENCE DON’T MATTER WHEN IT COMES TO THIS?

 

Know what you want.

Know what you don’t want. 

Don’t get hyper focused on what you don’t want or all you will get is more of that. 

Notice how the universe brings you samplings of the good things for you to explore on your journey to having your heart’s desire fulfilled.

Be grateful for that. 

Be extra grateful for all those not so pleasant samplings as well. 

For the contrast allows you to discover yourself and your truth in what you are aligned to and want the most for. 

That contrast builds your hunger for what is right for you. 

 

But have you noticed beautiful that your preferences really don’t matter when you get soul-aligned and in your heart?

 

Have you noticed that when it comes to finding someone attractive, 

Feeling like your heart is shattering open in love, 

Or finally surrendering to your man in bed, in life, in love and trust that your preferences have no play in the matter. 

And what you “thought” was ideal,”

What you “believed” was aligned, 

Or had some picture in your head because this is what you were told, this is what society, family, your besties said was great and would make you happy was actually the furthest thing from what your soul knew to be perfect. 

 

That match made in heaven that all us women crave to experience, 

That knee popping connection, 

That kiss that makes us know with certainty that he is all we have been looking for, 

That loving gaze that makes us feel cherished like no other human can make us feel, 

That sweet surrender and trust that we did not believe was possible but just find ourselves basking in only in his arms…

That feeling of coming home…

 

That sort of depth and connection is ONLY based in soul-alignment and heart centered love.

It has zero to do with the outside judgements of his book that we so easily get caught up on. 

 

Over the last few weeks I have heard from so many beautiful women about their men that they are married too, getting married to, dating, or wanting to date.

 

All the talk has been based on what these women are wanting in a lifelong, soul- aligned partnership that makes their heart explore in love. 

They want the storybook. 

However, they are judging the story by the cover of the book alone. 

And it’s not even the full cover often that they are looking at. 

They are looking at some subtle details in the print and making a decision about how happy, how pleasurable, how connected, and how good the book is based on these small details on the cover. 

 

“Well you see, I really want deep, fully emerged love making. A partner in life that has my back and respects me. I want a man that knows himself but is not an A-hole. I want him to be solid and know how to lead, emotionally mature, passionate but not controlling. I want him to be a conscious man. A real man.”

 

And so much more.

And then they follow it up with and this is how I know that he is all that…

 

“This man must be this tall, have this skin color, be this age bracket, make this much money, have this much savings, have a cock that is this big, live here, want/not want kids, accept every aspect of me and my life out the gates, let me lead.”

 

AND….

 

“I know he is a real man. A conscious man. Because….he did not pressure me for sex the first time we met. He used to be in the military or is in the military. He looks strong. He does yoga. He reads Tony Robbins. He cares about the environment. He is health conscious. He owns a business….”

 

Or fill in your surface level details to his book cover. 

 

Then these women open the book and start turning the pages to discover that this book is only pictures and get discouraged by how he had the nerve to be just what he is…

 

An empty masculine who was riding through life based on his cock size or how much money was in his bank account, or whatever cover detail you thought was showing you soul-alignment, hoping that you dear woman would just accept that and all the emptiness that would come with it for love and connection. 

 

He was hoping (and obviously maybe you were too) that soul-alignment and heart centered love and connection that your whole being craves at a deep cellular level would be satisfied with the illusion of what money and physical what have yous might bring. 

 

After all, you prefer those things. 

 

Those are the things that bring happiness right?

Those are the things that satisfy you when wrapped in his arms.

Those are the things that you remain focused on when you fight with him.

Those are the things that you value.

They make you feel love, safe, respected, cherished.

Those things make you respect him.

Trust him.

 

So all you have to do beautifully from this concept of “soulmate love and connection” is to make your ideal list and check the ever so important boxes listed above about finding the man with the best cover and ALL your needs, desires and heart longings in a relationship will be satisfied. You will be home with him, in that relationship and all should just work out perfectly based on the bank and the physical appearance. Based on what he does for a living or how “tough” or “conscious” he is making himself out to be.

 

So why are you still not satisfied?

Why do you still not feel him in sex?

Why are you not feeling that depth, that heart quivering yearning to not leave his side ever?

Why are you still fighting for separation in your relationship and laying out the here is you and here is me and you sir will respect this line?

 

When all you want beautiful is for him to take you to the depths of your soul that you have never been taken too before.

 

You want him to carry you to the gates of heaven in your sexing without hassle and you want to dance in rapture even when you argue…

 

All you crave is to know…

And to fear losing him. 

All you want is that sort of love that the storybooks talk of.

 

There is a line in the movie Princess Bride where Princess Buttercup finds out that her true love Westly had been murdered by pirates, she says, “ I will never love again.”

 

As depressing as this statement is, in the hopelessness of her loss you cannot deny that you beautiful woman crave that love with a man that makes you want to never love again should something ever happen. 

 

You want him to destroy you.

You want him to get into your veins. 

You want his essence to last lifetimes in your soul.

 

You want to know that no one could ever lift you to the heights that he did. 

Ever see you so purely like he did. 

Ever understand you, hold you, lead you, explore you, LOVE YOU…

The way he does, 

And all you know is that it is this “feeling” of coming home.

That sort of love and soul-aligned bonding does not come from the cover of his book. 

It is not based on those surface level preferences. 

 

What you are wanting is far more valuable. 

And it only comes from exploring his book. 

His essence. 

And from deep diving into all of yourself beautiful so that you can deep dive into him. 

When your desire to explore the chapters of life with him becomes more important than what his cover says to your friends and family, and when you cannot explain what it is exactly that has you wanting him to pour through your veins for all of eternity, but all you know is that you hate separation from him. You want to protect him and the relationship as though it were your own heart and soul because it is, and you just feel at home.

 

Open.

Expansive.

In love.

Surrendered to him. 

And that is just what you want to be.

 

Here beautiful you discover what “soulmate” love and alignment really is. 

And the boxes that get checked are the important ones, not that surface level shiz.

 

As Always, 

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Helping dynamite powerful souls like yourself discover love and fulfilment is what my passion is. Over the last two decades I have worked with hundreds of women & men such as yourself to call in their soulmate by aligning to their truth. I have guided countless couples not to just rekindle a love that they thought was lost, but to create an empowered turned on and fully aligned partnership based in love with 8 simple steps. If you are a woman or man who is looking for happiness, love and abundance in life and is sick and tired of just getting by, reach out to me for a FREE Clarity Call today where we will define exactly what is holding you back, what you are wanting to call in and the next best steps to achieve your desired life. Message me to set up your FREE Clarity Call today.

 

 

 

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WHY WOMEN KEEP MEN IN ORBIT.

 

WHY WOMEN KEEP MEN IN ORBIT.

 

We women are like Saturn. 

We have many moons in our orbit and these moons (although not 82 like Saturn most likely) are men. They are the men of our past. They are our male friends. They are our work husbands. 

They are the men that we count as family even though they are not family. They are the men, the men that make us feel some way, give us something that our partner cannot. 

 

Whether we admit it or not, almost every woman has a man or two if not ten in orbit. 

And we count these orbiting men as innocent. 

We do not see them as a threat because we can manage the relationship. 

We believe that they can hold the boundary that we have placed and that they are good with exactly where we have put them. 

Or, we simply are blind to the reality that the majority of the time, men only will orbit because they are hoping that our gravitational pull changes and draws them in closer to us for whatever reason. 

 

A single woman keeps multiple men in her orbit for any reason from friendship, to safety, to having someone to help out financially or with a tire that needs changing. She may keep a guy on the back burner just in case she wants some drama free sex or needs a plus one for a work event. The reasons are endless, however the men that get to be in her orbit are there for a reason.

 

A coupled woman, although less likely to have as many men in orbit, still often have a few under the guise of friendship. Often a coupled woman will have her male friend at work and jokingly refer to him as her work husband, she can rely on him for many things and of course it is all needed to keep her sanity and job security. They are a team. It is innocent. She may also have friends or “extended family” that are men that hang out and are typically supportive in the mental and emotional fields for her, perhaps old friends from college or roommates. There have always been boundaries or if there were ever more intimate matters at hand, it was a thing of the past and has no impact on her couplehood.  

 

So we women, with all of our reasons blindly and sometimes not so blindly keep men in our orbit for reasons that we can only understand and justify. Believing that our boundaries that we have said will maintain the container that we desire or at least want to paint the image of that we desire.

 

Reality is that ALL of these guys somehow feed us. 

 

They feed us what we are lacking in our lives, single or coupled.

They provide us with outlets, support, engagement, turn on that we are not getting from the man that we are partnered with or our life. 

 

And so, the true question for many women is how many men does it take to make up the perfect man?

 

Because we know that we cannot have it all in one package. 

We do not trust that it is possible. 

And our relationships of past and perhaps even current reveal to us the very truth of this. 

 

Believing that we can maintain the situation, we disregard what we are actually doing to these men that orbit us. 

 

We are giving them hope.

Hope that a door will crack open. 

Hope that they will have an opportunity to be the knight in shining armour in some capacity to come in and save us, support us, help us, fix it for us or just hold space. 

That our partner cannot fulfill.

 

And so we see no harm as women to sit down to coffee or lunch with our male friend that we dated back in college who is still single or has a relationship that he complains about the disconnect in. 

 

We believe that if we confirm our love for our partner, or that we are in a serious relationship that our male friend will respect it and not have hope. He more than likely will respect it, but in the back of his mind he will be saying, 

 

“Yeah, yeah… you might be happy and committed but here you are with me and where is your man now? If you are that fulfilled, that satisfied then why are you confiding in me? Why are you flirting with me? Why? Why? Why?”

 

You see no matter how badly we humans desire to be this evolved people, that can move past the physical desires, the primal natures… the truth is that we are all still primal at our core and we operate at a deep psychological and emotional level from this primal state. 

 

We desire sex. 

We desire power.

We desire connection.

We desire control. 

And we are territorial. 

 

The thing with that territorial nature is that the way to gain territory is to take over the lands of another. This is how you conquer. 

 

The best takeovers are always done through patience, right in front of the face of your enemy and almost with their approval and support. 

 

When a woman starts to rely on her male friends for more and more support, when she sees how he is always there for her, how he listens and supports, her heart opens to him and she gains trust in him. She has respect for him because he has been holding the boundaries and she believes that she can trust him. 

 

As beautiful as that sounds it is the perfect breeding ground for a slow and precise takeover. 

Ripe for the taking at the first opportunity of a door opening. 

And the woman willingly will open that gateway. 

 

The gravitational pull will quickly shift in the friend’s favor.

 

So what is a woman to do?

What is a man in a relationship with a woman with these moons in orbit supposed to do?

 

The first thing is to be aware and to not allow blindness out of fear of losing the friendships. 

Be aware and communicate authentic truth with your partner. 

 

Discuss the concerns. 

 

Ladies, get real with yourselves about what is lacking in your relationship or life that you feel is being fulfilled from the relationships with the masculine that your man cannot give you. This Is a scary thing to consider, and no one person can ever be expected to fulfill every need of another, however if we do not get clarity around what is missing or has never been then we put ourselves and our relationships at risk of massive pain and suffering, even potential failure.

 

Many women proclaim that  they don’t trust other women. 

That they have always gotten along better with men than women. 

That they are a tomboy, raised with brothers, etc. etc. and that guys understand them better. 

Personally, I understand this very well and fall under these categories.

That said, awareness is key. 

Truth is key. 

Communication is everything. 

And checking in with what relationship holds priority at any given time is vital to relationship success.

 

Going within and exploring what you are wanting and desiring, what is best for you and your commitments and being honest with yourself that men no matter how trusted a friend they are have a reason as to why they choose to remain in our orbit. 

 

And it is more than likely in hope of being pulled into our atmosphere. 

 

*Please note that this musing is written based on a majority perspective and of course understands that not all male/female relationships are rooted in sexual attraction or hopes.

 

As Always, 

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Helping dynamite powerful souls like yourself discover love and fulfilment is what my passion is. Over the last two decades I have worked with hundreds of women & men such as yourself to call in their soulmate by aligning to their truth. I have guided countless couples not to just rekindle a love that they thought was lost, but to create an empowered turned on and fully aligned partnership based in love with 8 simple steps. If you are a woman or man who is looking for happiness, love and abundance in life and is sick and tired of just getting by, reach out to me for a FREE Clarity Call today where we will define exactly what is holding you back, what you are wanting to call in and the next best steps to achieve your desired life. Message me to set up your FREE Clarity Call today.

 

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YOUR MAN IS COMMITTED TO YOU IF…

 

YOUR MAN IS COMMITTED TO YOU IF…

 

Men speak different commitment languages than we women do. 

And sometimes they are difficult to understand. 

Am I right ladies?

 

It’s typically not in our face. 

They are not as emotional typically about their love for us. 

And yet they are. 

If you look into the eyes of a man in love with his woman you will see a light, a passion, a furry and a fear. He will anger more easily. He will be more sensitive. He will laugh frequently and he will want to connect. However, he may not write sonnets and poetry or a hit love song for us.

 

Your man is committed to you if he can truly know you. 

If you allow him to see you, feel you and you show that he can trust you.

Today’s world has women being commitment phobes more than men. 

Women are untrusting of the masculine and don’t believe that there are any good guys out there, they are not wanting to settle for just someone that is okay, they want the whole package. They want the “WOW” factor you could say for them to say yes and mean it.

And there is nothing wrong with not wanting to commit to a relationship that is not aligned and you find yourself truly in love fully with the person. The issue is that the wow factor for many women still resembles an outside persona, and can tend to be very superficial even. 

I have spoken with many  women who are caught up on the size of a potential partner’s manhood just as much as they want to know the size of his bank account. As if either of these two things guarantee love, happiness, or soul alignment.

 

All these things do is to support our men not feeling accepted in a relationship. 

Acceptance is probably the number one challenge that men have in relationships and being able to fully lean into and trust a potential life partner. 

 

There is the old statement about how men never want their woman to change, while women enter relationships looking at what the man can become. We say that we see all this greatness in our guy and that’s all we want for him, for him to be his best and that we support it. However, what we’re actually stating is that we are not 100% with the man that he is right now! 

 

So we enter the relationship conditionally.

Expecting change.

Not happy with who he is. 

And he can feel that ladies. 

He knows that you are not accepting of him. 

And that keeps him from wanting to commit, it keeps his heart shut down to you. 

Granted he may still fall in love, he may push through the lack of acceptance, 

After all, your beautiful eyes looking up at him during an intimate moment can wash all his concerns away, but it still will reside there under the surface and haunt him.

Simple fact: he needs to feel accepted by you.

And in order for you to accept him….

You need to freakin’ accept yourself first. 

 

Get this ladies, ACCEPTANCE is one of the ways our men show us that they are committed and feeling love for us. They look for ways to show that they accept us for just being us. They might tell us how beautiful we are first thing in the morning. They may kiss us with our teeth not brushed. They may watch us shower or dress. They will cuddle us when we are sick. They will hold us when we cry. They will shut up and NOT try to fix the problem but just let us share.

 

Which leads me to another thing guys do when they are revealing they are committed and in love…

They show empathy. Empathy is a two way street of revealing. To truly have empathy we have to be emotionally mature. We have to want to be transparent with our partner and share our feelings as much as we want them to share theirs. Empathy is about seeking happiness in conflict instead of being right, it shows that we value and respect our partners needs, desires and wants instead of focusing on finger pointing. When your man shows empathy he is saying that he has an emotional bond with you and values your heart and feelings. 

 

When your man is in “the feels” with you his primal protective nature will stand out loud and proud. His presence level when you are out and about will be on fire, he will be more consciously aware of the surroundings. He will want to make sure that you are kept safe. Not because you are fragile and weak, not because you need him to save you, but because you are special to him and he wants to make sure that he is protecting you not just through showing you empathy, but also physically from any harm that may be in your midst. The protective lover reveals himself by opening doors, seating himself to see the room, looking around spaces and corners, perhaps making sure that you walk on the inside furthest away from danger, etc. This protective nature plays a role emotionally as well, because he does not want to cause your heart pain either. He wants to guard you and show you his love so he will be more conscious of his actions and words as well. 

 

Which leads yet to another thing men in love and committing to a woman will do.

He will learn you. 

Yes he will learn your love languages ladies. 

He will learn what is meaningful to you and he will want to perform these acts for you, because he wants you to feel loved and cherished. He wants you to know how he adores and respects you. How he honors you. He will not insist that you feel love the way he deems right or understands. Just like he will learn your body and learn what pleasures you. He will want to see you smile, laugh, relax, feel safe and orgasm because this will bring him fulfillment and show his love and commitment to you.

 

Men move at all speeds in a relationship. Depending on how hungry they are for the feminine, depending on what their wounding from previous relationships are like and how much work they have taken upon themselves to heal and trust themselves again and certainly depending on how long they have witnessed us women in life. If a man has taken the time to view his lady love in different situations, and feels that he has truly seen her then he is far more motivated to progress the relationship along. Sometimes, this progression happens early on with him showing inclusivity. When a man asks you to come to a work function, meet his friends or family or asks for input on plans he is saying I want to go deeper with you. He is saying that your thoughts about things matter to him and that he wants you to see more of him on all levels as well. He is also showing that he trusts you as he would not be opening up these parts of his life to you if he did not want to lean and trust more.

 

Now when a man sets his mark, feels that he wants to deepen things even more and he feels as though you are aligned and can have a common mission you could say in life then he will show you his love and commitment to you, to the love he is feeling and to the relationship by leading it.  He will want to progress. He will let his desire be known. This is where he may suggest living together, or spending more time together, or make long term plans. He will inquire what your goals are, needs or ideas are for the coming years. He will no longer just speak about the next date or a trip but be speaking about years in the future. 

 

Your man’s commitment to you is revealed to you as you reveal yourself to him and he believes that you are aligned. 

 

So beautiful woman, let him see you.

Feel you. 

And experience your truth. 

Stop hiding or masking. 

Stop giving him what you believe he wants to see and feel.

That will only cause uncertainty. 

 

And As Always, 

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

It’s time to live out loud, free and in love.

Manifest your soul relationship today.

Reach out to me for mentoring and the law of attraction in love, abundance and life happiness now.

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THIS IS THE MOST UNDERVALUED THING IN LOOKING FOR GUIDANCE TODAY.

THANK HEAVENS MY GRANDSON’S HEART TRANSPLANT WAS DONE BY AN EXCELLENT SURGEON WITH EXPERIENCE.
Right?
I mean can you imagine if the task had been handed over to a store clerk or a mechanic?
That sounds crazy right?
We would never allow that to happen.
Surgery of any kind is serious business.
It’s our health, our life.
It bears serious implications if not done well.
So of course you would never think to turn over the knife to someone who does not know how to use it or understand the human body.
Yet we do this frequently in other parts of our life.
We do it with ease.
We do not even stop to hesitate.
We just lay it all down and take the best priced option typically.
Or the quickest sounding.
We may ask if they have understanding, experience or degrees but we don’t slow down and actually inquire about their hands on knowledge.
And depending on what area of life you are asking for help and guidance in, the person you are turning toward may need certain skill sets or wisdom about what “could” happen or how things work in the real world, not just what they read in a textbook or saw on a training video.
I would say that you get what you pay for,
However our new world which has an on sloth of “experts ” and “guru’s” reveals something totally different in my opinion.
Being part of many coaching communities I see tons of new coaches coming on board, building their businesses, working with people, learning from mistakes as we all do and also getting told,
“Just proclaim yourself an expert in the field and you are one.”
This is the truth though.
If someone proclaims themselves such.
If someone shows up enough on social media and in livestreams.
If someone writes well and can be believable to some level.
If someone puts on the face that others want to see for that trade.
THEN…
They are experts.
They suddenly have wisdom that they did not earn.
They suddenly can just lean on tales they have heard as their own and make others believers of their experiences.
They are foxy little wolves in sheeps clothing for sure.
And this is what our world is full of.
It’s frustrating to myself and I am sure to others out there in the world who see this occurrence happening daily.
We see the damage that it causes.
The relationships that it destroys.
The pain and suffering that individuals are going through because of poor leadership and guidance.
But we as a society do not value experience.
REAL LIFE EXPERIENCE.
We want the virgin to give us the mind blowing sex tips.
We want the priest to tell us what to expect in the delivery room.
We want the mechanic to tell us how to build our health practice.
We want the person who has never been in a relationship to share the best strategies on how to deal with our mate.
We want the person who eats nothing but fast food and is sedentary to show us how to get the body and health of our dreams.
It’s worse than asking the devil for the steps to get to the kingdom of heaven. Sure he may know them, but is he likely going to share them? And what he does share are you going to blindly trust because he says I know God.
At least the devil does know God.
Is a fallen angel.
And does know what it takes to get there.
But we rely on those who do not know their bum from a hole in the ground for vital, life altering guidance in so many areas of life and we do so just because they have proclaimed something.
Because we are to effing lazy to inquire.
To pay attention.
To do the research.
To listen to our intuition about someone.
Or we hand the reins over because they are cheaper or claim to get quicker results.
Or give us answers that feel more comfortable than the truth.
They were nice.
They were pretty.
They had a nice voice.
I liked their shirt.
Experience.
It truly is the most undervalued thing we have these days.
We do not value wisdom.
We have lost ourselves in some strange concept that youthfulness is powerful and wise.
Wisdom is built on the foundation of failure.
And failure only comes from life experience.
Learning what works and what does not.
Wisdom, life skill, understanding…
TAKES TIME.
But you want it quick.
You want it handed to you.
And that will cost you dearly.
But at least you may learn from your error and gain wisdom.
Right?
So there is something good after all to come from choosing poor leadership and guidance.
What area are you feeling you may need support in?
What subject area of your life needs guidance from someone who has walked there before and come through the thick of it only to rise back into the light, a stronger, more wise soul?
Will you choose wisely those you allow to guide your life, your love, your money, your freedom and health?
Or will you do what is easiest?
As Always,
In service.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Ready to claim your life back from suffering, fear, doubt and misfortune? Ready to call in the love relationship you desire. The abundance you crave for and the joy you know can be yours.
This Is what I have worked with thousands of people like yourself to have over the last two decades. Reach out to me today.
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Trust, Truth & Establishing Rock Solid In Couplehood.

OUR TRUST IS BUILT ON THE FOUNDATION OF TRUTH…

But is that true?

 

We would like to believe that it is just this way,

however if we are honest with ourselves there is something that is so much more rare, more important and powerful in letting us know that we can trust someone…

 

All relationships need trust in order to be successful.

For us to open to love fully,

to surrender our deepest hearts to another,

to open our bodies to pleasure with our mate,

or to reveal our pain,

we must have TRUST.

 

Through the course of time and engagement with different people in different relationships we learn that trust is hard to have.

We discover that many people all though they “think” themselves trustworthy, believe that they are worthy of being trusted and that their actions and words support that more than often it is not so.

More frequently then not we learn that those that we trust in are acting from a self-centered aspect only giving of themselves and speaking out of a desire to receive and therefore will make themselves into anything needed to be perceived as steadfast and true.

 

But a person who does not know themselves,

who is not able to be true to their own thoughts, feelings and needs and is willing to “pretend” or mask is a person that is far from trustworthy.

 

Only when we can stand firm in self,

uneeding of anyone else to affirm to us that we are good, loveable, worthy, trustworthy, etc. can we be true to someone else.

 

And that is what we are wanting in our relationships.

Especially in our most intimate primary love relationships.

We want to know that our partner is true.

 

We want to know that if the sh*t were to hit the fan that they are there for us, no matter.

We want to know that they have our backs in battle and in love.

We want to know that even if they do not agree with us that they value the relationship more than they value being right or making a point.

 

We want ROCK SOLID.

 

And rock solid comes from unshakable trust in each other.

Trust is established, built and supported not by truth but by support of each other despite opinions, beliefs and even truth.

Trust must come from a harmony of knowing that we are supported fully but also that our partner will be honest with us.

 

Meaning that they will always share their feelings and thoughts around things no matter how different or challenging, but will not allow for those feelings and thoughts to take center stage and offset the unity and foundation of the relationship.

 

There must be an understanding that there is a difference between truth and honesty.

 

Truth is subject to one’s own perception and experiences and then made into a fact unless scientifically revealed. Even our own truth in history is subject to opinion and written by those who conquered for the most part. Often truth is based in a need to be right or to set something straight.

 

Where honesty, although still subject to one’s own perceptions and experience is a sharing of our core views, beliefs and feelings. True honesty is based on surrender and trust of being received.

 

OUR TRUST IS BUILT ON SUPPORT.

 

If you know that you cannot fall, how far can you go in life?

What sort of life challenges can you overcome?

 

If you know that there is no goodbye in your relationship, how deep can you surrender to your soul and into the revealing of it with another?

 

If you know that even if you are wrong in a choice or opinion that your back is had in every turn without question, how much more powerful and even able to hear and see the truth could you be?

 

Trust equals freedom to be you and surrender fully into the relationship.

How are you showing up for your love?

 

As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Explore the depths of what is needed to build trust and enjoy a rock solid commitment with your partner.  Reach out to me for my elite couples coaching today.

 

LISTEN TO IN COUPLEHOOD TRUTH VS. SUPPORT LIVESTREAM NOW.

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I HATE YOU… YOU EVIL PIECE OF SH*T!

I HATE YOU…. YOU EVIL PIECE OF SH*T!

 

I will show you my pain.

I will make you feel how badly you have hurt me.

I can’t believe you ever loved me.

I can’t trust you ever again.

You need to pay for what you have done.

I am broken because of you.

You owe me closure, explanations.

I want to hear it from your lips.

How dare you do this to us.

 

 

And so many other things that we say in the midst of break up and tossing our pain out there in the world at the ones that we proclaim to have loved and lost.

 

Often in break up we fall prey to the belief that we need to be a victim in the break up.

 

We want to appear the victim.

Or at least we think that we are the victim,

that we are not an active game player in the relationship destruction.

 

After all WE DID EVERYTHING POSSIBLE to make it work.

 

It is the other person’s doing that things are crashing down.

It is the other person’s fault that we are hurting, lost, angry.

We blame the other person for the chaos, the violence, the hatred.

 

And something inside of us wants the other to feel piss poor about the break up and show their pain to us, fight us, antagonize us, maybe even beg for the relationship and want us.

 

Yes we want often in relationship break up to do the most painful thing we can think,

and that is to get our partner to want us back,

to get them to see their wrongs and then we want to CRUSH THEM.

 

And if they do not stand in the fight with us then we do everything in our power to instigate their pain and anger.

We antagonize, and we fully step out of alignment with who we really are.

 

In all of these ego based reactions to break up,

we forget the most important thing in the relationship.

 

We forget the two people who love each other.

We forget our hearts.

We forget our cores.

And we hand over ALL our personal power and self- respect by acting immaturely and acting out in rage and hatred.

 

We believe that we need to show how badly we are hurting,

how much our hearts desire to be united with this other person or how much we want and need them by leaning fully into our pain bodies and stepping away from WHO WE TRULY ARE.

 

And so we become a Taylor Swift song and we slash tires, throw bricks, carve our names in furniture and cars, flatten tires, destroy our lovers property, try to deface them through slander and attempt to destroy their worlds, their relationships by letting the world know our pain.

 

We act out and we attack.

 

Whether we are the one’s doing the breaking up or the one’s getting broken up with, often at least one party if not both believe that break up can only happen if they turn the other into a persecutor and themselves into a victim.

 

But folks THIS IS NOT LOVE.

 

And if you truly ever loved someone,

if you wanted and could see a life with that person,

if you had a life blossoming with them,

if you found yourself in your heart,

expanding, growing, exploring love and relationship,

and you want to do so much good for that person and for yourself then WHY do you want to dishonor the relationship, yourself, them and most importantly LOVE in this fashion of becoming a victim?

 

Emotional maturity in relationship is a powerful tool,

no matter the events occuring in the relationship.

If we have a strong standing in who we are as individuals and if we truly have self- love and respect then we may feel the anger, the pain but having emotional maturity and respect for self and for the love will guide us. We will also be able to see our role in the relationship break up.

 

Because there are no such things as victims in a relationship break up. Even in the worst break ups, where physical violence has occured ( and I have had this happen in my lifetime) we each play a role. We are active participants in the events that are happening to us.

 

Emotional maturity, spiritual maturity, maturity in general is about taking responsibility for self.

 

If you think you did not have that coming….

Think again love.

You are a co-manifestor to your reality.

You are an active creator to your life.

Your thoughts.

Your fears.

Your actions.

Your lack of knowing yourself and upholding who you are,

not doing your own internal work and getting right with YOU,

loving you unconditionally, accepting you unconditionally, lying to yourself and using your partner and others, life as a mask to your own internal issues,

 

PLAYED A MF BIG A*S ROLE IN THIS MOMENT.

In your pain.

 

The reality is this love…..

 

Break ups MUST happen in relationships that are OUT OF ALIGNMENT with the people who are in the relationship.

 

Relationships have expiration dates.

 

A reason.

A season.

A lifetime.

 

Even the lifetime one’s come to a physical end.

The sooner we humans get right with the fact that all relationships end, the better our relationships can be. The more fulfilling, loving and the more harmonious our breakups can be.

 

Imagine ending a relationship in love instead of hatred and pain?

 

Imagine two people loving themselves so much so that their love for each other and the relationship allowed them to end it in love as well.

 

In honor.

In respect.

And did not mean that they needed to destroy the other to prove their love.

 

Because destroying the other IS NOT LOVE.

It is ego.

And it is not love to self or honor of self either.

It is fear.

It is not soul based.

It is ego based and immature.

 

But instead imagine realizing that the relationship has served its time and purpose, finding gratitude for all this it taught you, openned you up too, brought into your life and helped you gain clarity around.

Imagine being in love with the time and lessons that were shared.

And knowing that its expiration was upon your doorstep, but that it did not  mean that you had to be in pain or anger.

Instead that you could love this other person and yourself so much that you could let go and move forward in confidence that all things happen for a reason.

 

This is love.

And ending relationship in love uplifts both parties.

Ending relationships in love supports the lives and future relationships of both parties.

Ending relationship in love expands who we are,

heals us, opens us and is one of the greatest gifts that we can offer OURSELVES.

 

Imagine this relationship break up and ask yourself today,

How mature am I my relationships?

Do I take responsibility for myself in them?

Do I truly act from love or do I let my ego get in the way and become a victim?

 

And As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Ready to elevate your love and life in 2021?

 

Ready to call in that soul aligned relationship that you cannot see past?

 

Let’s get you aligned to your core love.

 

Reach out to me for information on my 1:1 and group coaching programs starting in January 2021 and the early bird discounts for those coming later this month.

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WHEN YOU DON’T WANT TO FACE WHO YOU ARE.

WHEN YOU DON’T WANT TO FACE WHO YOU ARE.
 
You find yourself out of MF Alignment in your life left and right.
Nothing works for you.
 
People get super judgy,
you cannot seem to do anything right,
and the more you focus on how you are not getting it right,
you mess it up even more and you find yourself overwhelmed,
overworked, depressed, anxious and lost.
 
You try everything it seems,
but nothing fits right.
You tell yourself that you are in alignment with your love life,
with your finances,
your passion and your work,
You claim to love who you are even though you still know you have work to do,
and you understand from a mental space how important your thoughts and feelings are to manifesting your desired life.
 
YOU GET IT.
You really do,
but you are still fucking it up somehow.
 
And this makes you crazy on the inside.
This makes you feel unworthy,
makes you feel like no one cares,
and your ego runs wild with its success of overtaking you in all areas.
But you don’t see it clearly.
Instead you go into self-loathing,
you dance in the land of feeling not good enough,
and you beat yourself down even more.
 
You are caught in the tidle wave of ego owning your ass.
And you are drowning.
 
And strangly you are enjoying it.
As crazy as that seems,
I mean why in the world would you focus on making yourself feel bad?
why would you support manifesting hell in your life?
Its not fun.
Its not making you happy.
Its not serving you at all.
But yet YOU ARE DOING IT.
 
And you are loving it.
It feels good to be right about something.
It feels good to manifest exactly what you have always received and keeping things the way that you are familiar with,
the way that you expect,
keeps you comfortable.
 
It won’t rattle your cage.
It keeps you safe because you KNOW WITHOUT A DOUBT what you are getting.
 
And if you had chosen to drop all this shitty shit and allow yourself joy, happiness and love to flow in instead,
you would have then to much to loose.
 
I mean if you allow yourself to actually be happy and abundant,
then what if it changes back to what you have always known to be true?
 
Then you will find yourself possibly in worse shoes then where you are now,
comfortable with your suffering that you have set up residence in.
 
And so you make sure that before you can actually enjoy the blessings that are on thier way to you from all these years of desiring a better life,
that you push it all away from you.
 
You run away from it and cause a scene so that you can point fingers and say,
“See I knew that was going to happen, because that is the way it always is. “
 
You commit to your suffering.
You commit to keeping yourself right where you have always been.
You are one MF loyal AF human to your undesired life.
 
Good job my dear powerhouse manifestor.
You rock in your ability to get what you ask for.
In calling in what you focus on.
 
You are a MF magician.
That is for sure.
 
So stop bitching about the shitty shit that you got going on.
You have been focused on it showing up and being here all this time and so it has to show up and be here.
 
And the funnier thing is,
you think that by acting like someone that you are not,
by providing life a fake smile,
by focusing in on actions that are not in alignment to you authentically,
by looking at the world and those who are aligned and making good shit happen,
that if you copy cat them that life will just magically give you what they have,
well…
 
Your are stupid.
 
Cuz, life will never give you another humans expereinces.
Life will ONLY give you your expereinces.
 
Your energy is yours.
And you can have everything that you want and that you see others creating as well,
but you gotta get aligned to YOU first and be MF HAPPY with who you are first.
 
Or not…..
 
You can also just keep doing what you have been and getting what you have been and pointing fingers,
getting triggered and have knee jerk reactions to everything that you are not happy with,
and just keep that beautiful focus on getting what you don’t want by talking about it to everyone you can,
by waking up and daydreaming about your misery and how rough life has been,
by being jelly over others,
and by effing duplicating what you think will get you there,
but ignoring WHO THE FUCK YOU REALLY ARE.
 
Because you are afraid of your power,
afriad of your happiness and abundance,
afraid of the opinions, judgements and ideas of others if you actually JUST BE BEAUTIFUL YOU.
 
And because of you not facing this truth my dear MF Manifestor,
you will continue to put yourself on repeat to everything that you do not want.
 
As long as you keep denying your truth and trying to make others truth yours,
you will never have what you want.
But you will continue to get what you focus on.
 
That is for sure.
becaus ethat is how it works.
 
Life does nolt give a shit about what you think is fair or not.
Life does not hear that you do not want this or that.
Life does not care about your forced actions.
 
Life gives you what you focus on.
Life gives you what you are commited too.
And THAT,
THAT is why you got everything that you expect.
 
So what are you going to do about it?
 
We will all find out soon enough,
your life will show us.
Your manifestations will certainly show exactly what you have been commited too.
 
COMMIT WISELY.
 
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start living
“Coaching for Grown Ass Believers”
 
Want ro get clear focus to over coming the struggles of life?
Take advantage if Asskickery October.
Where I will Lovington kick your ASS into alignment of your goals.
No mattwr where you are in this world.
Reach out to me.
Offer is limited.