“I do believe in angels! I do believe in angels! I do!”


Among my closest friends, family and even my clients who are open to spiritual world discussions, views and beliefs, it is well known of my many tales around angels. If we were to just look back through my writings, we would see a breadcrumb trail to how I have felt guided since a small girl by these celestial beings. 


There are so many things that I struggle to believe in, to not have doubt around and in all honesty, even angels make this list. I sit here now, in this moment laughing at the honesty of this statement that I constantly doubt that angels exist. The reason for my laughter is that I feel like I have been blessed in my life to almost be drowning in a sea of evidence that they are by my side and active influencers. With all the doubt that my ego attempts to make my own I also find myself comforted in a knowing, a certainty that all I ever need to do is slow down and have a conversation. Which is what I feel called to share with you here today…


As open and authentic in my writing, live streaming and coaching that I can be, as I pride myself in consistently working at being conscious around how I am standing in my own integrity or not, thus in soul alignment or not, there are some instances that are too intimate of a matter to put on public display, although I so always try to bring them up to the surface and share perspectives and ideas as I know that what I face in my life so does many a follower, client or friend and that our words and sharing of our stories can be supportive and healing guidance for others. It is why Jesus and many other great master teachers taught through story. 


Generally speaking when we discuss the concept or “belief” of angels in our modern world and that there may be actual evidence to them existing, or something of the nature, or even that of “heaven” or soul, spirit, a deceased loved one making themselves known, it will immediately be dismissed as silly, crazy, overly creative or hopeful. Naive even. And sometimes all of those. We resist the idea that something that is not of physical nature or of physical evidence such as the table I am sitting at right now that is made from wood and painted with black paint which is made from the chemicals that it is, could ever be real. But for me I disagree because I have seen with my own eyes the display of things that I have no answer for and the direct messages spoken through the language of spirit. 


The word angel comes from old French, from the Greek angelos, or messenger. Which is what angels are: messengers from God (whatever God may represent to you and by whatever that name may be.)


The tale I will tell you here is one from just three nights ago. The last few months have been especially gut wrenching for me around sensitive subjects in my family life. I have faced my own inner demons that attempt to dismantle my life and destroy my soul through the words of fear and the creation of chaos. I have been tested to stand firm in who I know I am, to face those I love with boundaries that make me quiver and my palms sweat. I have felt ever so lost as a mother, a friend, a partner, a guide even over the course of these months. Questioning every thought and feeling that arises within myself. These turbulent emotional times have had me living in a state of anxiety and panic on good days and on bad days, fearful that I am taking my last breath from the agony of pain that my heart has felt and the reality of what I have witnessed my physical well-being doing. As horrible as these events have been, I have found myself in a consistent dance of communication and assurance from something that I cannot see with my eyes but can only feel and witness through the surrender of listening. Letting go of the chattering monkey brain that screams about everything and keeps one locked in a nasty circle of sabotage and blindness is the only way to hear the “voice” of an angel or your soul. Alas, I have not been doing so great with this practice in the face of the emotional turbulence at my door and I found myself three nights past, laying in bed in the darkness with my partner asleep next to me and I, I was in panic. My heart felt like it was going to pound its way out of my chest. My ribs felt like they were going to break, my head explode from pressure and pain. I was scared as I lay there caught in a sea of terrifying thoughts which bred terrifying emotions and created this physical anguish. And that is when it happened…


I hear the words, “Go sit outside and breathe. Listen to Gates of Pearl and find comfort.” This song that popped into my head by Real Slow Motion is an instrumental piece that I refer to as my God Song. I feel the power of the hand of God in my life and find restored faith as if no evil can touch me because this song blasts it out of my life. It is powerful to my soul. And so, I listened. I put my robe on, went to the pool side out back, sat down and did as I was instructed. I looked up into the night sky, a tad disappointed that I could not see stars clearly because of the haze from the city lights. I listened with full expectation of the feeling that I knew I would receive and I was shocked when the song was finished and I felt nothing. Doubt quickly ran through my being and frustration came over me. I tossed my hands up in the air and said, “Well that’s great guys, that did nothing. “ I took my blood pressure and it was 181/116 with my heart racing at 102 beats.  Can someone say emergency! I looked at the pool and was compelled to strip down and take a swim. After I was done swimming for a few laps I retreated back to the pool side, took my blood pressure, feeling much calmer and it was now 167/111 and my heart rate was 96 beats. Not great at all, still an emergency state. Again, I tossed my arms up and this time said, “Well you guys told me to come out here and listen to that song. It did nothing! Now what? Now what? Are you even listening?” I closed my eyes and took a breath of disappointment and fear. It was in this moment that my angels made themselves known…


My phone started playing Calling All Angels by Train, which is not on my saved or favorite list anywhere. I opened my eyes looking up to the heavens and in this moment a shooting star danced across this hazy starless sky right above me. I cried. 


I wept for this world that I was experiencing. I sobbed at the loss that I was feeling and saw before me. I let loose my tears at the knowing that everything is perfect, no matter how I perceive this world and the events or situations. I allowed my heart to cry its tears, my soul to release and my mind to witness that my angels had made themselves known, confirming that they were right there by my side. I was not alone. I was being guided by the messengers of God and that heaven’s plan was in action. 

Tears turned to laughter as I listened to the lyrics and felt my spirit rising. As the song came to an end, I stilled myself and listened to the wind blowing through the trees. A few breaths later, I turned my head upward and asked, “So you are here. With me. I am exhausted by all of this and still do not understand. Before I go back to bed, what… What is the message that you have for me tonight?”  


I closed my eyes again, took a breath and another song came on, this time it was Lightning Crashes by Live. A song about motherhood, intentions, relationship and hope. It is about the angel baby in her arms and the life the mother leads. It is about reality in this role that many women are blessed with. I had never heard this song till this night to my knowledge but once again, as I listened and opened my eyes, right above me another shooting star appeared with the tale of a golden comet coming into the atmosphere. A plane took off from the airport not far away and made its departure into the heavens as the star danced by it. And I laughed as I wept with a knowing. 


Message received. 


Quietly I said, “ I hear you. Now PLEASE, please let my blood pressure be lowered, something more normal, let my bottom number be in the 80’s.”


Taking my blood pressure yet again, the little device sounded off – “128/83 with bpm of 69.”


I went back to bed.


This is one of just a few stories from the month of May in my life and world. I have been experiencing multiple conversations over the last 30 days with angels, my buddies as I call them. I believe in their presence in my life as I do in yours as well. 


There is a quote in the book Proof of Angels by Ptolemy Tompkins and Tyler Beddoes that says. “There is something about angels that makes it impossible for people to forget about them for too long.”  How true this statement is. I have spent a lifetime speaking to my celestial buddies, I get mad and frustrated with them like they are my kin, I curse and stomp my feet at times when I feel ignored or disregarded. I often act like a spoiled child when I feel like they are shunning me, my relationship with my angels that watch over me is one of deep loyal bonding. A familiarity and family-hood. I may often doubt that they exist, but it is only in the times that I blind my heart, my ears, my eyes and my perception to witnessing their presence. It is my choice to see them or not, to communicate or not, to listen or not. They are eternally there always, this I am confident and always guiding and loving unconditionally.


When we mortals choose to allow the chaos of fear and doubt to creep into our lives and minds we in an essence are allowing what Jesus and Paul knew well and spoke of in the New Testament, that it is demons or that which is evil, corrupt, impure and not acting from source, from soul truth to masquerade in our world and lives. They would not have bothered to speak of the chaos, drama and trauma that such forces created if it was not vital for us to understand. 

Such evils mix truth with lies, so that they can spiritually bypass the innocent, the confused, the hungry for healing and truth. Blinded by one’s own anger and pain, we open a doorway to these things and we find ourselves residing in turmoil and agony deep within where the evils that swirl around us gain opportunity with their deceit and they make use of the often unknowing vessels that are close to others. 


We are all spiritual beings living a physical life wanting for spiritual alignment and confirmation to our human mind that there is something more. There is purpose and meaning behind this life that often brings more suffering than joy. 


I live a deeply spiritual life. 

I always have and cannot picture a day that I do not. 

Even in the midst of the most troubling times, I have a knowing. 

I have belief and faith. 

And when I slow myself down and surrender to listening, to truly hearing I know that my angel buddies are there cradling me, nurturing me, assuring me and providing a map. 


I ask you today dear reader, do you believe you are guided? 

Have you felt the hand of something you cannot explain in your life?


You are loved. 


Listen to the stillness in your mind, for it is there that you will find them. 

But you must reach a place of surrender. 


Loving you from here always.


Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”


  • Rene’ S. (KW)