DON’T LET LIFE GASLIGHT YOU FROM YOUR TRUTH.

 

I REMEMBER TAKING THIS PICTURE WITH MY DOG RUDDY… I HAD JUST TURNED 16.

 

The year was 1992.

It was autumn, my favorite season and I was madly in love with a boy. I got my mom to take this picture of me to send a hard copy  (yeah no texting or email back then) it was snail mail… to my boyfriend who was in boot camp.

We wrote to each other daily.

Hating to be apart, however, the game plan was that he served four years and that would get him the college he wanted plus provide us housing, loans and opportunities once I was of legal age.

I had freshly graduated high school myself, and was working at my mothers clothing store in a small Northern California town that I call home, Chico. Under her thumb I listened to her daily fearfully warn me of his ill intentions. Telling me about how he was most likely cheating on me, running around with his buddies and doing who knows what. She warned me that he would abandon me like my father had abandoned us. Her anger for the masculine was obvious and yet I listened, wanting to know her thoughts but not feeling in alignment with them at my core.

I believed differently.

I trusted him.

I loved him.

And we had plans together.

 

My mother, bless her resting soul, I know had the best desires for me, however through the course of time she managed to teach me one very unuseful thing.

 

TO NOT TRUST MY HEART.

 

Her rampage about my boyfriend often ended with her anger and bitterness toward my father. I would and still do recall her many tales to me of how she hated being married, how she felt controlled but that was the bed she had to be in. She proclaimed her status as a victim to life and to the relationship and she shared openly her pains about it with myself from the youngest of ages. I was forever her sounding board. Although her desires for my life were most likely set in love, they did bare with them the idea that I was going to be used without choice by the masculine and to NOT trust men at all cost. Try as I might to ignore her feelings and beliefs and hold firm to my own, they did manage to seep into my psyche and have caused me much pain through my adult years.

 

Because you see, my mothers fears and experiences ended up laying the foundation to me doing what I felt I “had or should” do in life and relationships instead of following my intuition and heart or soul. As a young adult, I had no idea that I was in as much control of the outcomes of my life as I understand now. I believed that I was a victim to what life handed me and that I had to make the most “logical or smart” choices for my survival as I could.

And so, I got married to a man a decade my senior at 18. I had babies. I worked a job. I focused on setting up the house that appeared “normal and expected of me” and I was unhappy to my core.

 

I did not chase the boy who held my heart at that time.

I let him go, believing that he had abandoned me just like my mother predicted.  And because life tends to give us what we expect, he did walk away from me. Or run from the wrath of my mother, but that’s a different tale for another day.

 

My mom was so happy the day I got married.

She was ecstatic the day I gave birth to my eldest child, a daughter.

I recall her tears on both events and her grabbing me with sheer delight.

 

I wanted to make my mom proud.

I wanted to be different from other teenagers and young adults.

I knew I was intelligent and a self-learner.

I knew that I was pretty logical and sound in my reason,

that I was wise beyond my years.

After all, adults much older than I told me so often.

And perhaps I was.

But I wanted to do right.

And with the learning that my mother taught me to NOT TRUST MY HEART, but instead listen to only my mind and always make the smart play, I opened the gateway to listening to others, especially my husband. 

I knew that my heart was unreliable.

It would do nothing but get me into trouble.

 

So when he would tell me that I was thinking, doing or acting a certain way because of……

Or that what I really wanted was….

Or that I would just enjoy this or that if I allowed myself…

Because he knew, I tended to believe him even though it felt off inside my body and heart.

 

Fast forward a few decades, My second long term relationship with a man ended with him telling me that maybe I just did not know how to be happy and did not know what  love really was.

This man too also told me how I felt, why I felt this way and what I was thinking.

 

Both managed to get me to question my own reasoning, my feelings,my emotions, my actions and thoughts and they were strongly supported in their efforts to lead me on the best course of life by my mothers teachings of don’t listen to your heart but instead make the smartest play for your survival.

 

Neither relationship fulfilled me.

Neither relationship felt right.

Neither relationship was based in love,

they were based in mind.

 

And both relationships were guilty of gaslighting.

They both acted not in my best interest or even the best for the family, but instead acted according to the best interest in my partners desires, needs and ego. Whether that be sexually, business, moving houses, friendships, child rearing or what I did with my spare time or how I showed up as a partner.

What they wanted mattered more than what was right for me.

And I spent a ton of my adult years believing that this was the only way.

 

WOW! Was I ever wrong?

One day I discovered something different.

One day a spiritual teacher of mine confronted me on my allowance of such events and why I was choosing to ignore my greatest gift.

 

My GPS system to my soul, to life and to my power.

This teacher then spent a few years helping me transform my debilitating beliefs and showed me that the things that I feared were nothing to fear if I (get this…) listened to my heart and intuition. Through trial and error in learning myself again and coming home to ME, I rediscovered my path.

 

My power as a soul living a human experience and a co-creator of my life.

 

I found true connection with a partner where I feel certain in revealing myself and am not afraid to challenge him when I feel my soul and heart are not being heard.

 

I have discovered that I can show up just as I am and not need to sacrifice anything of myself to have that love based connection, nor feel safe and be able to trust and surrender in the relationship.

 

I have discovered that this coming home to my heart and soul,

the listening to my intuitions which at my core I have always known to be true, will ONLY GUIDE ME TO MY HIGHEST AND BEST LIFE in all areas.

 

And that is powerful  AF!

 

We adults forget ourselves.

We change the way we transmit things in our brains by not using our creative sides, by ignoring what we feel and our curiosity.

We allow ourselves to create a time loop in our life where every day is groundhog day and we are okay with it because it is comfortable and safe, but we are not happy.

 

Today I challenge you to inquire with the self and to ask “Why am I not happy?” Really allow yourself to dig deep into your heart with this. Move past the ideas and conscripts that you have been taught that THIS IS what happiness is and that it is not okay to not be happy with the lot you have allowed yourself.

 

Ask yourself, “If I truly allowed myself to be/do/have anything that I wanted, how would I be choosing to show up in life, love, relationship right now?”

 

You are worthy of a life that makes you happy.

You are worthy of feeling and knowing that you are powerful.

But you have to first challenge the way you have allowed yourself to be gaslighted in life. Don’t accept that your core, your soul, your heart are faulty and that all that matters is the mind, your feelings about things are gifts from something more than what you believe is you.

 

START THERE.

 

And As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Summer is upon us.

I have many local DFW workshops coming up to help you get educated, transform the way you move through life, let go of anxiety, fear and find your power once more. Reach out to me for deet’s and links on these, and for anyone looking to go deep in the work of YOU let’s chat about 1:1 mentoring where I can share what my master teachers shared with me so many years bacak that awakened me to my power and truth. Message me now for summer specials.

I WANT TO NEED HIM – The Tale of Today’s Feminine Surrender.

I WANT TO NEED HIM.

 

This is a statement that a woman made to me as we were speaking about her couple-hood.

 

As I listened to her tale of desire to want to need her man,

that she believed that this is the way that we were designed,

and that so much of our discontent in relationships and life as well as not knowing ourselves comes from this very belief that we women “should not” need men.

That we are just as good and can balance life without a significant other, I thought to myself,

 

SHE IS ABSOLUTELY CORRECT.

 

Women have burdened themselves with the disease of believing that we don’t need men, that it is a sign of weakness. That we are lower than human if we rely on our male counterparts. Or that if we are relying on them that we are selling ourselves for a lifestyle, for safety.

 

And so many women do, do just this.

They settle into relationships not for soul union, not for love, but for comfort and safety. They look at the man’s resume, not his heart.

 

These women are indeed selling themselves.

They are becoming slaves to a lifestyle and a comfort.

They are not acting from soul or love.

 

And to them I could write a million lines,

but today I am addressing the women who are afraid of being perceived this way.

So much so, that they armour themselves from beautiful relationships, they fight to be seen strong at all cost, they feel weak at the thought of receiving help from their man. They do not know how to be supported by the masculine.

 

I am one of these women.

So I share from the depths of my feminine heart on this topic.

I am one of those women that has a ridiculous time receiving from my man.  I have learned through the years to allow him to open doors, to help grab the groceries, to let him help me in house and home. I have gotten over him not cumming every time we make love or him focusing all his attention on my pleasure and not receiving physically in times.

 

I have learned that  his pleasure sometimes is all about my receiving in our sexual union.

 

I  have learned that he loves to witness me in rapture.

That he feels great pleasure and satisfaction in my bliss.

In what he gives to me.

 

But, when it comes to money.

When it comes to bills.

When it comes to buying the groceries.

Medical things.

Needs.

 

Even if it is a trinket that I have my eye on and he asks me, do you want that? He is ready to purchase it for me. He wants to bring me pleasure. He wants to see me adorned. He wants my happiness.

I know this. But I feel like I am taking from him.

That I should not need this.

That it is not okay.

That he will perceive me as a woman who is there for the financial support.

 

And I am scared to lean on him.

I am scared that he will see me as weak.

As needy.

That my heart and love will be missed some how,

that my truth that  I have only eyes and desire for him will be washed over in some way because he has “helped” me.

 

When in truth, it is not even him helping me.

It is a union.

It is a team.

It is US, supporting the whole together.

And it is my pride that stands in the way of the full union.

It is my pride that screams that I should not need him, all the while my soul feels just like the woman above.

 

I WANT TO NEED HIM.

Because I DO!

 

I need his strong masculine guidance.

His leadership.

His logic.

His foresight.

I need his looks of love and adoration.

I need his tenderness.

His humor.

I need his touch.

I need his heart.

I need him to need me.

 

And I do not look at him as though he is weak for wanting me.

Or for needing me.

I know that he needs my feminine heart,

my emotions and touch.

He needs to see my rapture and my tears so he can fully feel who he is at his depth as well.

 

I know that he wants to need me.

 

We both have lived without each other just fine.

We both have been more than capable of living life and supporting our loved ones, building lives, businesses and we could easily choose to continue to do just that.

 

But the union of the masculine and the feminine when done by soul, is a union of desire to be together because together we are stronger.

Together we feel more.

We heal deeper.

We expand fully.

 

It’s not about money or security.

Although together we thrive all the more as well.

 

It’s not about weakness in coming together.

Or comfort.

 

It’s uncomfortable in truth to be vulnerable and wide open with someone. To have no hold backs.

To feel as though there are no barriers,

nothing you do not want seen or felt.

To want to be witnessed at the deepest levels by your mate,

is uncomfortable AF!

 

There is no hiding here.

And we women, hold back from needing our men deeply,

and wanting to need them,

we in turn tell God/Universe that we don’t need them either.

 

It’s hypocritical of us women to say that we are these brilliant life givers, thus manifestors, creators, powerhouses and to know that we are vessels born to receive and then say NO to receiving because we deem it a weakness because it comes from our man.

 

How are we to ever fully become our greatest selves if we consistently deny our receiving, our pleasure, support, love from the great masculine?

 

No wonder we women are lost. 

No wonder so many of us are bitter, non-orgasmic, always choose the wrong man who lets us down. 

We should expect all of this and know that we have set ourselves up for suffering in love, 

To never feel fully loved or cherished because we are not cherishing ourselves. 

It is through our ability to lean into the masculine, to open our hearts and put down our armour with a man that holds us close and wants to need us as well, who gets that he is our king, our knight, our protector and great lover. That through his honor and ability to carry us deeper into ourselves that we find ourselves. 

 

 

It is my belief, and a belief that “just might” be backed by a few spiritual scriptures and structures out there as well, that we are meant to support each other. The equal yoking of the masculine and feminine. 

 

THE DESIRE TO BE ROMANCED LIES DEEP IN THE HEART OF EVERY WOMAN.

IT IS FOR SUCH THAT YOU WERE MADE.

 

I love this quote by John Eldredge.

 

However, for us to  have that desire manifest, we women must open ourselves to God first, 

We must learn to listen to our hearts, our soul, our intuition. We must then open ourselves and lay down the shields and swords of our wounded little girls and let the conscious masculine hold us. 

Love us. 

See us fully. 

We must be open to needing him. 

And we must want to need him. 

 

It is only through our wanting, 

And our understanding that, that wanting is not a weakness but a powerful space of abundance, flow and love, 

That we gain the opportunity to experience true soul union.

 

Our union with our man mirrors our union with the divine, with God.

The trust we show our mate, 

The surrender, 

The rapture, 

The need, 

The wanting.

 

We captivate our men for a reason.

It is because through us he feels life.

 

And we are lifted by his true heart and desire to serve us.

So if you are a woman like myself who struggles with receiving from the masculine, 

If you feel weak or like you will be misperceived in your wanting of his support, his love, his attention, look no further than your heart. 

Ask your truth there. 

And see him as God.

Wanting your rapture in all of life. 

 

As Always, 

Stop Existing & Start Living

The Zero Separation Relationship & Why The Wolrd Hates It!

ZERO SEPARATION.
It’s funny, I have never thought of myself or witnessed myself to be a jealous person.
I have not thought myself to be territorial or possessive.
I have never been a woman who has demanded to be the center of attention with my partner.
I have never really missed my partner when they go away for the day.
I have never not been able to sleep without the connection of a lover.
All in all, I am one of those women who does just fine on her own.
with or without a man.
In or out of relationship.
I am not needy or clingy.
I am not one with a bunch of expectations or demands.
And if my man looks at another woman,
that’s okay. We are all human. We can appreciate other humans.
Flirting is a natural and even healthy thing, in or out of a relationship.
I am not a woman who is concerned about my partners attention or even ponders the idea of them cheating on me. Matter of fact for years I was in an open relationship and joked about how my partner could not cheat on me, because I was good with him receiving pleasure from whatever source he desired. That I knew that he would play hard ball finding a woman that was truly okay with open relating and could remain confident and loving in it.
This is all accurate.
For who I was and the relationships I had.
But today, I find myself in a completely different situation.
Today I want zero space between myself and my partner.
I have to convince myself that it is healthiest to have space. That we need to spend time apart, to enjoy time away from each other.
I have to convince myself that other things are important too,
that my life does not just need nor can it maintain by just being engaged with my man.
I have found that I want the world to just go away.
To leave us.
I have daydreams of a sweet little cabin out in a meadow someplace beautiful on ton’s of acres, where just he and I reside.
We have our garden, we walk, we talk, we make love, we watch the sun rise and set, the stars dance only for us. We plan our future and we enjoy each day entwined.
At night our limbs are enwrapped, he pulls me in tight should space emerge. He kisses me softly on the forehead each morning, and grabs me passionately throughout the day. We share our tears, our laughter, our embarrassments and we have zero space for the world to seep in and cause chaos.
He is my rock.
And I am his.
There is only him and I.
And with this I find that I am not jealous.
I am not possessive.
I am territorial AF!
I do have expectations and I do make demands on time and attention. When I feel a pull away, it is as though my very heart is being severed from my chest.
When I feel his armour rise,
It is as though I have been dropped from the highest tower into great rocks below.
And when the outside comes knocking…
It’s all defenses up.
That territorialism is a protection.
Its boundaries spoken and unspoken.
It is primal in my nature to want to secure the home,
the heart, the relationship.
For this relationship is far too valuable.
It has the feeling of life itself, the feeling of coming home.
Its depth bears with it a remembrance and a desire to make sure that it is never lost arises when the world comes knocking at our door.
Now some might look at this and say that a relationship of this nature has limited trust and knowing.
And the me of yesteryear would be first on that bandwagon.
But the thing that I have learned is that it’s not lacking trust,
not in each other or the relationship. It lacks trust in the ideas and wants of the world around.
And although our intent can be good for those we see in such beauty. We can say and even take action to show that we support a relationship of this nature and depth, but in truth we humans are cunning, fickle souls. We see beauty and something inside of us is angered that it is not ours and so without realization we attempt to destroy through drama, manipulations, anger, becoming a victim or finger pointing.
We stir the pot.
We stomp our feet like a child and we demand that this sort of relationship that we claim is so beautiful and we support is actually dangerous.
The zero separation relationship is based on soul entwinement.
I have read about it in such books as Thomas Moore wrote, (Soul Mates, The Soul of Sex, Care of the Soul & More) as well as much ancient texts from tantra and sufi to the Song of Solomn.
I have tasted bites of this sort of relationship throughout my previous ones, but could I fully grasp the desire, the complexity, the hunger of the soul and the pain of being apart if even for a few hours.
It feels addictive in truth.
It makes me question everything.
And yet I cannot deny that I want for nothing else.
He is mine and I am his, is a statement that dances through my heart and mind consistently.
And to think of allowing the world to seep in and possibly poison even one cell of this relationship is sheer heresy.
Yet we are told in society that this sort of close bonding is unhealthy.
That it is an addiction.
That casting out potential danger,
or setting hard boundaries in our lives,
is not good.
To close the gates of our castle is a joke in today’s world.
We live in fear of the “what if I offend” instead of ruling our lives and relationships with a fierceness of protection.
When we are in an intimate bonding with another and our souls yearn at such a deep level as is written about soulmates and twin flame bondings,
then how could we ever allow the world an opportunity to destroy.
Zero separation.
The vacuum that we must create in the casting out of potential harm. Because in such an intimate bonding of the hearts and souls, there truly is no other.
It is just the two.
Becoming one.
And this is what our union of marriage is supposed to be,
however the majority are far from anything even close to this.
We have great disrespect, a lack of loyalty even to what we deem our mate, our life partner, our spouse, our soulmate, our primary partner, our significant other.
We may make the claim that they are our better half or other half,
but in our allowing of the world to seep in and cause chaos, to spew its anger of what it does not have in your face and try and make you feel pity, are you truly honoring your greatest and highest relationship or are you falling in dissent?
Today I ask you to look at the bond that you have with your partner?
And if you are single, I ask you to look back at your relationships and ask,
“How have I been guilty of creating space for the world to poison the beauty and depth of said intimate relationship?”
It’s time my dear to be real with self.
To see where you have opened the gates to the wolves and let them feed.
If your relationship is just one of passing,
a between that keeps you warm, makes you laugh and entertains you, then perhaps you need not be concerned…
but if your relationship is one you claim to be entwined, deeply in love and wanting eternally ( or at least this lifetime), then it’s time to ask and look within.
What is more important?
Your intimate bond or the world and its desires of you?
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Time to take your love into your own hands and heal from past wounds.
Set down your armour and embrace the life and love that you know is yours.
Want to learn how?
Reach out to me today to explore Soul Entwined Relating Now.
 
Photo Credit DandelionImages

HOW TO MANIFEST YOUR GREATEST LOVE STORY OF THIS LIFETIME.

YOU OPEN UP TO A RELATIONSHIP A THOUSAND FOLD DEEPER, MORE LOVING, MORE FULFILLING AND STRONGER WHEN YOU DO THIS…
My heart was broken.
My trust was broken.
I felt abandoned, lost, unlovable and could never see myself in love again at this level. How could I? He was “the one,” he was the one who opened me at levels of my soul I had never touched, my heart shuddered and longed for him. I was ignited when we were together and I felt like I was in heaven.
And when he chose to say good-bye…
I was crushed.
I clung to the idea of him coming back to me,
I could see him knocking on my door and asking for me to forgive him, that he was mistaken. I convinced my heart and mind that our energetic connection was untouchable.
I told myself that THIS lost love was as good as it got.
I had settled on this concept.
The idea of him. Of us. And that I simply had to remain loyal to him by keeping my heart unattached.
This idea grew to bitterness and a deeper sadness as months went by and they turned to years and he never knocked.
But I had built him into this idea in my head and attached such emotion to it that I armoured myself up to everything and everyone else.
I would date.
I would explore.
I even got into a longer standing, seemingly “committed” relationship and the outside world would say,
“She has moved on. She has healed. She is loving again.”
However my internal world was a drastic F-ck No! to it all.
Stuck in the quicksand of yesteryear with my heart still broken and clinging to the idea and the longing of his love.
I called into my life everything that was not for me.
I called in what would soon need to be let go of.
And I blinded myself to the possibilities of something grander than what I could have dreamt of possible with my lost love.
So blind I was.
So stuck, that I missed him.
I missed the soul that was knocking at my door.
I missed the soul that could take me further, carry me higher, expand my heart into the omniverses and beyond.
And I missed him because of my stubbornness and false loyalty to a love that was no longer mine for the keeping.
One day though something happened.
One day I grew so weary of carrying all this pain and fear of letting go that I just sat it down somewhere along the path.
I was done mourning.
I was done being smaller than what I was born to be.
I was done denying myself the love that I wanted, the connection that my soul craved for, and I was done holding up all this emotional armour to protect myself from ever feeling that sort of pain again,
While speaking words to the opposite and saying that all I wanted was my soulmate love.
Rock solid love and commitment.
A conscious man.
A relationship that was based in love and integrity.
A true union of the souls.
Yes that is what I was saying,
while holding up the armour on my heart and soul,
making sure that I could never be penetrated by such a love.
That day, that I sat the shield and sword down,
my heart cried. And with each tear I found myself awakening to the presence of something magical.
There he was.
Yet again.
He had not left me, he had just stepped back,
doing his own work, taking down his own armour,
identifying what he wanted and who he was at his core.
There he was.
And as I took him in with a soft breath in a hug shared,
my heart recognized.
Months passed,
the story built between us,
We danced on the field in this scary land where we were wanting, were recognizing and we were being asked to trust ourselves and each other. Until one day we could no longer deny,
we could no longer hide.
We could no longer use the shielding of our past loves and losses to hide the radiance of what we had together.
With a great senses of urgency we united,
the outside world questioning us.
Fighting against us even.
With each blow the world has given,
the bonds that entwine us grow ever stronger.
And here I sit today,
present to the beauty and the power.
Aware of the depth and amazed in each day how much deeper we go within each other.
As our hearts speak to one another,
our souls smile in the knowing.
Here he is.
Here he is each morning,
and every night,
He does not knock at my door.
No he does not.
But instead he takes my hand and places his heart within it.
Armour down from a day of battle with the world.
We lay together,
we breathe deep into each other,
feeling as though every cell of our earthly being has come home,
Not needing.
Not clinging.
A feeling of fully being seen, being witnessed and with it a desire.
A desire to jump all the way in.
A desire to melt together.
When we set down our armour,
when we let go of the self-imposed bondage of what we feel is lost,
when we let ourselves rise again,
we allow something unimaginable,
magical to form before us.
We allow someone greater.
More aligned.
To love us.
And our souls smile at our coming home.
To all those out there that have lost a great love,
who are clinging to the idea that that was as good as it gets,
that it can never be any more, any better.
No one can love you like that.
That it is not safe to open up to love again,
or that you owe that lost love some loyalty to hold on to it and be impenetrable to all others,
I share this musing today.
Drop your ideas that clinging to what is not yours for the keeping will ever support your desire for your heart’s true love.
It will only block.
Loving you from a scrumptious land,
deep in my heart.
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers and Lover’s”
 
Stop settling for your Bullsh*t Love!
You are the only thing that is preventing you from the love, the money and the life happiness that you so want for.
Are you ready to take a deep dive into clearing your sh*t once and for all and openning up to your greatness? Join me for the April Session of Unavavailble for BullSh*t! Reach out to me for deets now or go to
https://kendalwilliams.com/unavailable-for-bullsht-exclusive-program/
 
 
 
 
 

TIME TO TEAR DOWN THE WALLS OF YOUR MF NEWTONIAN WORLD.

TIME TO TEAR DOWN THE MF WALLS OF YOUR NEWTONIAN WORLD

 

Some days I am just sick and tired of all the bullsh*t that I hear, see and even think myself. Getting lost in all the fear of what is to come and not wanting for the past to repeat itself… well not at least the sh*t that was no fun.

 

But how is it that we can ever break free from these fears?

How do we break the bondage of our past,

because the reality is that we often KNOW what we are going to get from any given situation in life.

We have been down the road before,

and when a similar road presents itself then we get triggered emotionally to it and we just know what we know.

 

And often we know that it ain’t going to work out the way that we hoped for.

That person is not going to be all that we “think” they are.

That job is not going to be as great as we want it too.

People are people no matter who they are, right.

That’s why we end up dating the same person over and over again even though it’s a different body.

That’s why every year we keep having the same results with our health efforts or our financial situations.

Because the world is always the same.

 

And WE MAKE IT SUCH.

 

We live in the illusion of the predictability of the Newtonian world.

 

Claiming that we are living in alignment with our souls.

That we are living in integrity.

Or that we are WOKE.

 

We wake each morning and start our day with the same rituals as the day before, same times, same habits, same scrolling through Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or even our dating apps. Then off to some news as we finish our coffee and then go shower and head out into our pre-planned agendas.

 

And we argue that THIS is just how it has to be.

Not realizing that in our belief about this predictability we are actually creating our LIMITATIONS around everything that we proclaim that we want for.

 

That these rituals that we all do, are actually creating comfort in what we do not want. Our physical bodies due to the predictability of our lives are programmed to respond emotionally, neurologically and mentally at the same times each day in the same patterns because of our “need” of comfort in what is familiar to us.

 

Now many people today call themselves WOKE.

Meaning conscious.

They are aware of the world around them and that the thoughts they think play a significant impact on the life that they are living and that their emotions are the gauge to if they are living on purpose and from soul or if they are straying from their truth.

They are spiritual.

They are soulful.

They are WOKE.

 

Alas, they look at their lives and they wonder why they still do not have the love, the money and the life happiness that they want for.

Turning to the belief structure that they are paying some karmic debt, or that they are building some spiritual muscle and that once they “prove themselves” then they will be worthy of the love, money and happiness. Or they simply believe that spiritual and woke means you are above the need or desire of any of these things.

 

Still at their deepest heart, they want for it.

And they too, live by the programs created in the body, the mind and the emotions to continuously create the same reality as yesterday.

 

MAKING THE MOST WOKE OF PEOPLE AVERAGE AND ORDINARY IN THEIR SELF-PATTERNING.

 

Sound familiar?

 

Maybe you are guilty of this yourself.

Or maybe you got it all figured out.

In truth that is one of the greatest deceptions of the human ego,

believing that we got it all figured out.

Believing that we “understand” and that we are “doing what we need/should be.”

Believing that we are some enlightened being.

 

Now, granted you are an enlightened being.

You are your own guru.

You sure AF don’t need me or anyone else preaching to you the 1, 2, 3’s of how to have the life that you want.

 

You got all the answers right there in that pretty mind and heart of yours.

 

Your issue is that you don’t see that you have all the answers.

You don’t believe that you know what the next step is for your life.

 

YOU ARE MF AFRAID TO CHANGE THINGS UP!

And so….

here you are.

Doing the same damn things that you always do.

 

Accepting the newtonian world and all its predictability for your reality, then crying about how things never change no matter how hard you work at it, no matter how much you journal, meditate, go out and look for new people, push your boundaries, practice this or that, read this or that, educate yourself, exercise, eat good food, etc.

 

As long as you sit back and expect that predictability to become non-predictable and do something different without you taking the reigns and accessing the quantum reality of your life with a little analytical focus, then you will continue to be right about everything that you probably don’t want to be right about.

 

You have got to become aware and understand why you are trapping yourself in the same thoughts day after day.

 

You have got to slow the f-ck down and start to analyze instead of just reacting to your emotional waves and all the “feels” that you have.

 

You have got to see, I mean really f-cking SEE how your internal world and your expectations and rituals in it are manifesting your physical reality.

 

And THEN…

 

You have to actually get sick of your own BullSh*t!

 

Because baby,

sure there is bunch of sh*t going on in our world right now.

Our world society is full of fear.

Our world economy is questionable.

 

But it’s just a bunch of malarkey if you are buying into that any of what is going on has a true impact on the quantum realm,

where your true reality is.

 

It’s your expectations and beliefs.

It’s your comfort with suffering and keeping what you don’t want familiar,

that is keeping you on replay in your life.

 

I was just chatting with a woman yesterday that shared how she had one of her highest income months as an entrepreneur in February of 2121, she made over $84,000 in her little at home business.

 

But the economy sucks you say.

No one can afford anything you say.

It’s the wrong time to start up a business you say.

 

Really?

 

I was just chatting with a man last week that was so excited, he has been unemployed for 2 weeks and he was starting to buy into the BS of COVID making jobs hard to secure, but just two weeks in he landed his dream job,making almost three times the income that he was all these years when the economy was not impacted by a pandemic or political upheaval.

 

But you cannot find work, you say?

That you are overqualified, underqualified, it does not work like that?

 

Really?

 

I was just speaking with a woman that is part of my Manifest Your Man Workshop and she was sharing how she has been on so many yummy dates lately. How connective the men are that she is meeting. How she really feels like this is the time of her life to meet her true soulmate and she is seeing so many conscious men coming into her options.

 

But I suppose that if you are among the many singles out there you may believe that people are not dating right now.

That people don’t want to take time or money to go do things.

That there is nothing to go do even for a date.

 

Really?

 

These are all your MF programs that you have locked in and that keep you safe in your newtonian world.

 

And this is what is stopping you from living the life that you say you want.

 

The love, the money, the life happiness,

IT IS THERE FOR YOUR HAVING.

 

But You are the only one that can take down the walls to your predictable world of comfort and suffering.

 

If you are ready to take action reach out to me,

if not, cool beans.

Keep doing you, like you are.

 

No matter,

loving you from the quantum field of open possibility.

 

As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

 

Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

If you are ready to be Unavailable for Bullsh*t and want to break your walls down around living a predictable life so that you can claim the abundance, love and joy that your soul knows is yours.

Lets chat and get you into my April 1st, 2021 Session of Unavailable for Bullsh*t where you will be able understand and implement the 8 pillars of love, money and life happiness.

 

PM me or add in comments that you want deet’s on this elite 8-week 1:1 mentoring opportunity now.

 

Watch Lets Be Real… You Suck At Metacognition

 

The THING You Need To Know To Call In Your Soulmate/Twinflame Relationship.

Jane Austen once said, ” When I fall in love it will be forever.”
A beautiful sentiment this statement brings to so many about love.
Romance. Intimacy and matters of the heart.
However, we often feel that we are in love when in truth we are in need and so we move from relationship to relationship looking for each soul we come in contact with to be the one, when it is an impossibility.
We “fall in love” because we are weak in whom we are and in need to feel complete, to feel loved, worthy, and needed. This falling process reveals to us that we are not whole beings, thus making anyone that we “fall in love” with not the one. We are unable to find the one until we elevate ourselves to a state of self-awareness and truth that matches our soul expression for this life experience and in order for us to unit with “the one” they too must be in pursuit of the same.
We desire to be in love.
To be elevated by love, not to fall.
Our soul understands that relationship, the true union of two souls coming together in love will not cause us to sacrifice any aspect of who our true self is, but instead it will ignite us and expand us as we unit. We get at a core level that love is based in freedom.
And our freedom is birthed through the observations that we make when we are united with another at a soul level.
When two souls unite in love they experience a bond that sets them each on fire, creating a purification process that must happen in order for the union to hold strong. This is what Jane Austen was referring to in her statement above, ” When I fall in love it will be forever,” because when two souls come together in such authentic love, they recognize each other and it is a bonding for life.
But not life as we know it.
It is the life of the soul.
This is where we speak of the term “soulmate” or “twinflame” and we simplify it into modern terms of “the one.” At our cores we are always in search of this eternal love, this union with what we feel is our other half and a soul that will complete us. The irony of it is that we must first become that that we wish to achieve through this union. In order for us to become whole we must become wise and wisdom comes from experience. We learn ourselves through others. The contrasting of relationships, the learning of our boundaries, our likes and dislikes in all areas of life and relating, what we need and what are non-negotiables. One cannot become whole in self until one understands themselves and can love the darkest aspects of self as well. Wholeness in self is created from a space of respect, responsibility, love, courage and ability to transform what is needed to advance one’s soul and life.
The most equipt learning ground for these soul transformations and union with soul is relationship.
Especially intimate relationships.
Once we unite with ourselves at a deep understanding (not a perfection) we open up the opportunity to magnetize to us a like soul that is on the same path, at the same velocity.
Frequencies match.
The souls most likely have shared much in common in this lifetime and others (if you believe in reincarnation), magnifying their bonds all the more. All other “love” relationships fall short, causing us suffering so that we can clarify whom we are and prepare ourselves for a true union with another.
To be in love with one’s soulmate is by far one of the greatest gifts we can extend to ourselves through our coming home to self, it is most certainly for a lifetime and it is not something that occurs with every relationship.
If you are among the many out there longing to discover love and wonder where Mr./Mrs. Right is…
Will you ever discover “the one?”
Why does love always hurt so bad and cause you such heartache?
Or simply why you are not finding the depth and connection that you know should be available and you have witnessed with others, then I ask you to realize one thing…
There are many that are not the one, as it should be.
There can only ever be “the one” and in order for you to achieve this soul union you must learn yourself and learn to love yourself.
This journey of love is based on your ability to be whole with whom you are and not look for anything outside of self.
Be willing and in love with the reality that you must walk away from anything that is not actually for you…
Including ALL “the ones” that are not YOUR ONE.
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
💃💃💃ANNOUNCING BECOMING UNAVAILABLE FOR THAT FREE CONSULTS!
 
8 Pillars of Love, Money and Life Happiness
 
👉For a LIMITED Time.
These consults are open for the next 30 days only. (Feb. 20th to March 201th, 2021)
*All consults are FREE for this program.
*All consults are done on phone or FB livestream messenger.
*Consults are open to individuals and couples.
*Program is focused on 8 Pillars of Love, Money and Life Happiness.
*Find out the deets for this signature elite program that is opening up for registration to an elite 15 clients on April 1st, 2021.
* You must do the prerequisite of the consult to join this game changing, life altering mentoring opportunity.
Message me in comments or PM me with I am interested in UNAVAILABLE FOR THAT!
Today to set up your FREE Call now.

The Soulful AF B*tch.

I AM A PROUD SOULFUL AF B*TCH AND DAMN BEAUTIFUL BECAUSE OF IT…
Don’t care what you got to say.
Your judgement.
Your criticism.
Your desire to rule my castle.
I will not serve you this way or that,
I serve only my beautiful soul.
That’s what attracts you.
That’s what makes you want to own me,
to harness these chambers.
That’s the lure,
the great appeal,
that causes your demise.
You may think I am b*tchy,
aloof and superficial.
You may look at me and call me names.
You may say I am childish and naive,
believing all the storybook lines.
But baby,
I know that magic exists.
I have seen it with my own two eyes.
It pours from my heart and soul,
when staying aligned.
So when I say “NO” to you,
It is an act of love.
Although it may cause you anger and pain,
I tell you no lie.
I am a proud soulful AF b*tch and damn beautiful because of it.
‘Cuz I am the magic in my life.
The great mothers womb is within my being,
I birth only my truth in each step I take and word I speak.
You cannot handle the reigns of my soul,
they will only burn you to the ground.
Unless you are willing to stand strong in whom you are as well,
and hear my passionate hearts desire.
Know that freedom is my quest.
Love is what sets its sails.
Love of self, so I can love you deeper and know who I am.
But only those who have the same mission,
who have tended to their gates,
who have been lost in the submission,
to the greatness of who they are,
will ever tread these waters,
Side by side,
hand in hand.
Baby I know magic exists.
But you may think me mean.
You may believe that I am unkind.
And that is something I will have to be alright with,
as you will see me as you portray from your desire.
Your illusion.
I am a proud soulful AF b*tch and damn beautiful because of it.
I will not serve you this way or that,
because I serve me,
perhaps you should venture out and discover your magic,
and know you are free.
Free to set boundaries,
Free to say an authentic yes or no.
Free to dance without bondage.
Because baby you are beautiful.
And you are your magic.
————————————————————————–
To all the b*cthes, the as*sholes, the MF selfish peeps out there, who have big AF hearts, tons of compassion, love to serve the world communities and are bombarded with those who hunger for every last drop of you.
Know that you are worthy AF!
And in your boundary setting,
in your alignment to who you are,
that although you may not always please everyone all the time,
or even ever,
that you are beautiful AF!
It is because of souls like you that magic happens each day.
Your kindness, authenticity and joy is not forsaken or lost in these etimes of the hungry who cannot feed themselves.
Know that you owe no one anything,
only yourself the respect to be true to YOU.
So speak up with your boundaries.
Say loud and proud NO WAY.
For when you say NO to someone else and it is authentic and true,
you say YES to you and become magic in your life.
As Always,
Loving you from a soulful space.
And remember,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

WHY SOME PEOPLE THINK I AM A B*TCH… WATCH NOW!

💃💃💃ANNOUNCING BECOMING UNAVAILABLE FOR THAT FREE CONSULTS!
👉For a LIMITED Time.
These consults are open for the next 30 days only. (Feb. 20th to March 201th, 2021)
*All consults are FREE for this program.
*All consults are done on phone or FB livestream messenger.
*Consults are open to individuals and couples.
*Program is focused on 8 Pillars of Love, Money and Life Happiness.
*Find out the deets for this signature elite program that is opening up for registration to an elite 15 clients on April 1st, 2021.
* You must do the prerequisite of the consult to join this game changing, life altering mentoring opportunity.
Message me in comments or PM me with I am interested in UNAVAILABLE FOR THAT!
Today to set up your FREE Call now.

A BIG ROUND OF APPLAUSE TO ALL THE BETWEENER RELATIONSHIPS…

A BIG ROUND OF APPLAUSE TO ALL THE BETWEENER RELATIONSHIPS…

 

I am sitting here this cold dreary day in North Texas in total utmost gratitude for all those men that have graced my life with their energy, time, connection, sex and more.

Those men that I have laid in bed with enjoying what seemed like endless pillow talk, laughter and life shares.

Those men that made my heart sink from the loss of their presence in mine.

And for those men that infuriated me, made me feel crazy, were narcissistic, power hungry control freaks but also made me laugh and believe in the moment.

The men who caused me bodily harm.

The men who tried to destroy my dreams, my relationships and my self-esteem.

 

Yes to all these masculine, I give thanks and honor.

For without them I would not know what I want today in a man, in a life partner.

I would not be aware of my worthiness.

I would not be woken to my greatness as a woman.

And without these men,

I would continue on a path of dancing with “betweeners.”

 

First let me explain what I mean by “betweener.”

 

BETWEENER: A relationship that you know is not long lasting or “the one” but you choose to play with for a certain period of time while you figure your shiz out.

 

Betweener relationships help us heal.

They help us clarify what we want and need in a relationship.

They are educators.

 

And we ALWAYS, yes always know that they are between “real” relationships because there is something, just something that just does not fit.

 

Often this comes up in the feelings of:

*not being able to fully commit

*a nagging sense that they are not 100% with you

*insecurity in the relationship

*lack of turn on or passion

*our bodies will act shut down sexually

*we won’t feel safe stating our truth or just doing us

*there is a feeling of this is short term, a second guessing

 

These are betweener relationships.

Anytime, we know that we are not ready or able to jump into the deep end with someone, then we should get real with ourselves that we are not really aligned to this other person either for a lifemate sorta situation.

 

Often betweener relationships are lower vibration relationships.

Meaning that we call them into our relationship experience when we are wounded, heart broken or feeling lost in our lives, in who we are as individuals.

They are relationships asking us to accept less than what our heart and soul is desiring for and that most certainly reveals itself in the heart centered connection that we DO NOT have with a betweener.

 

But thank goodness for these relationships.

No matter how long they last for,

some we end up marrying,

some we date off and on for years,

and some are just flashes in the pan.

However, all of them bring forth great beauty and lessons to us if we so choose to receive them as such.

 

Knowing that we are co-creators to our reality and life experiences,

taking the responsibility for just that can allow us as individuals to see why each of these people walked into our lives when they did.

 

Perhaps they were there to help us get firm in a boundary.

Maybe they were there showing us such great beauty and love so that when our soulmate manifested that we could recognize them with greater ease.

Some betweeners, ask us to speak up louder, shine brighter or see our ego’s in more light.

Others ask us to learn how to guard our hearts and honor our truth with self-compassion and respect.

 

No matter the lesson.

They are powerful educators.

And today I just want to applaud all the “betweeners’ ‘ of my life,

because thanks to you bloaks I know who I am and what I want in a man.

 

Thanks to you I have done the clarifying of my heart’s desire and learned to slow down and listen with my heart and my intuition.

Which is exactly how we avoid betweeners and recognize “the one” that is right for us.

That soulmate love.

 

Loving you from this overcast day in Texas.

Remember that you are worthy of a great love.

A true connection of heart, mind, body and soul.

 

And to have that,

you MUST LISTEN to your Soul GPS.

Your heart and stop disregarding its directional offerings because you fear a life of being alone.

 

As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

And Queens who want a Conscious Man 🙂

 


Conscious Coffee with Kendal – Passion, Commitment and Betweener’s

 

<3 Another Valentine’s day Is Upon Us… <3

 

 

And some ladies in the house are ALONE.

Well no Queen is ever alone in spirit,  because we effing love ourselves,

right ladies?

But we may not have the man of our dreams in bed next to us.

That man who is consciously aware,

emotionally intelligent,

spiritually sound,

committed,

passionate,

makes us laugh,

and when he looks at us has us melt.

 

Yeah that guy.

Well to all you single queens in the house,

make 2021 the last year that you wake up without your soulmate next to you.

 

Check out this live training this month where I teach you 10 hacks to calling in the conscious man of your dreams.

 

Click THIS link below to read all about it and reserve your seat for 7+ hours of training plus 2-weeks of private access to me where we will get you on point and the vibe of your love.

 

https://kendalwilliams.com/manifestyourmanprogram/

 

Here are what other Queens are saying about this class:

 

“Working through this course changed my world. Every training got me more into alignment with who I am and what I really want in a relationship with a man.”

Cecilia Jones

 

“Kendal is absolutely magical and her energy and passion is contagious. I loved how she brought humor and truth to all these important areas of being a woman and how vulnerable she was in her personal tales. It truly allowed me to feel her and to know that I could call in my true love.”

Kristie Lamar

 

“I have been struggling with dating for years. After a nasty divorce I really had given up on love, but then I found this course and I kid you not, not four months after working through Kendal’s course I met a man that was everything I had ever wanted. I am happy to share that we are now engaged and planning our future together. In so much gratitude for all the education and resources that were offered here in this course. “

Jen Santers

 

DON’T WAIT ANOTHER DAY!!!!

ACCESS THE BONUS 5+Hours of Training Now!

 

https://kendalwilliams.com/manifestyourmanprogram/

WHEN I MAKE LOVE TO YOU.

WHEN I MAKE LOVE TO YOU.

 

I make love to me as well.

You open me to depths of my soul that no other has even come close.

I witness my joy,

my warmth,

my desire,

all in your arms,

and I feel carried in your presence.

 

As you look at me,

with eyes on fire with passion and admiration,

I feel the sweetness of your heart,

as well as its hunger.

 

When my breasts touch your chest,

and you pull me closer,

I feel decades passing through us.

There is no time nor space,

it is but only the here and now.

 

As you enter my body with yours,

I breathe deep with anticipation,

I feel athirst for your nectors that feed my soul.

My chest expands as I surrender,

softly, fiercely,

at your hand,

I am breathless with your touch.

 

My eagerness to be taken by you is never ending.

My body aches and yearns for your devouring.

And as you breathe,

my flesh tingles,

my mouth waters,

and I am wet.

 

I am now the ravenous one.

And you are my home.

 

————————————————————————-

 

To all my followers who crave a relationship, a love that penetrates them to their core.

 

Yearning for the entwinement with “the one” that twin soul, that soulmate, that knows you beyond words or life memories of this time.

 

These are the images, the feelings and vibrations that we were born to expereince and we are in search for in our love, in our sex, in our relating. We do not hunger for surface level, superficial relationships, no matter how often we choose to settle for them.

What we desire is the fulfillment of what we know is our home.

And you my dear follower/reader can have just this.

 

But how you may wonder?

If you currently are not looking into the eyes of home, ‘then how can you call that sort of love in?

 

It’s all about authenticity and integrity with self.

It’s all about loving self beyond your darkness and mistakes.

It’s all about KNOWING that YOU ARE WORTHY,

worthy of this connection.

 

And in these things your vibrations will meet.

And you too my dear will experience home.

 

As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

2020 was a nasty year for relationships.

Couples and singles alike.

Hard to meet new people.

Difficult to do anything with your current partner.

The stress and worry exhausted many relationships,

and I am here to share with you that 2021 does not have to be the same.

Reach out to me today for my exclusive offers for 2021 for couples to bring back the passion, singles to find true love and more.

LIMITED Opportunities to work with me 1:1

THE UNTOLD PLAN YOU MUST HAVE FOR 2021.

THE UNTOLD PLAN YOU MUST HAVE FOR 2021.
And so it came,
The year where we all pretty much stayed home or inside as the year rolled into a new one.
Sitting here in Boulder Colorado on the turning of this year watching fire works pop off from the base of the mountains, looking into empty streets and sidewalks as I sat on the edge of my hotel bed with champagne in one hand, snuggled in the arms of my man, I allowed my sleepy self to take in the calmness.
Off in the distance a man yelled out,
“Happy New Year!”
And I felt my heart sink.
I was right where I wanted to be.
With whom I wanted be.
Filled with peace, love and anticipation for the new year and a wondering as to where the next twelve months would take us.
In this space, my soul cried out to me that there was an untold plan.
It was no special plan just for my life unfolding in the next year or even decade but an untold plan for our world.
One that if we are to make our individual lives great and heal our world communities that each of us must pay attention to.
Be woke too, you could say.
And that is the great universal shift of consciousness. Now we hear alot about this topic, its not an uncommon or untold subject for sure, however you must admit that one of the greatest gifts of 2020 was the recruitment for each of us to become more solo focused and yet be concerned and aware of our fellow humans well-being. We were asked to go inward, to quarantine and distance ourselves from the masses. We were asked to hold concern for everyone’s health not just our own.
And even though, much of 2020 has been spent in fear and in concern over the weakest links in our world society, the beauty of this lesson is still prevalent.
And that is that if we are to evolve as a world society,
And thus as individuals,
That the requirements to do that are that we must evolve and elevate our thinking and feelings about others. That true growth and understanding comes first from going within ones self, and from this space of our own inner realms we can best support and nuture others.
The answeres and awareness we all long for as we cross the threshold into a new year are within ourselves.
If we continue to rely on others opinions, judgements and ideas of what we should or should not do, or what is best for us and we continue to listen to chaos then we will never raise our own vibrations and be able to connect to our truth.
With all the pandemic craze and the worry and fighting over rights, race and who’s going to be president it became almost unimaginable that any of us could even think about connecting to God deeper or ourselves.
The focus was kept on chaos.
The focus was kept on fear.
The focus was kept on separation. And not for the good of all but to create a diversion between the worlds people, targeting neighbor against neighbor, brother against sister.
And here we sit,
On the first day of a new year,
Asking ourselves,
” Whats in store for the future?”
Do you feel uncertain?
Lost?
As though your hope that when the clock struck midnight all that troubled you and the world would just seize to exist and life would suddenly be safe, good, and comfortable to a degree again but then was disappointed to discover that nothing had changed…
Welcome to 2021,
The year where its time to accept that the unspoken plan for you and our world is not to keep handing over the reigns of your life to anyone who will take them,
But instead that unspoken plan is to WAKE THE F-CK UP and claim your life.
Take responsibility for who you are.
And know that a better you equals a better world community.
Know that you do matter.
That you are worthy.
That your truth needs to be heard.
All those hopes, desires and dreams that you have for this year and your life….
Understand that the only way you will ever accomplish them is if you stop lollygagging about waiting for the world around you to do something different to make it happen.
As long as you sit back and wait for some imaginary person to come along and grant you permission to start living your best life now,
You will sadly sit and wait out the rest of your days on this earth empty and wanting for something.
The untold plan for 2021 that we must have is pretty simple…
Its the plan of action to dig deep into who each of us truly are, to stop accepting so little from ourselves, and stop allowing for others to dictate our lifes direction.
The plan is to be a F-ck Yes! To self first.
And when we feel lost or afraid to know that what we are being asked to do it to turn inward.
To go into silence with self and to feel our deepest heart.
Here in that state of calm we will gain our answers and by being selfish at this level we are in truth making the most loving, conscious choices for all those around us as well.
I ask you on this first day of a new year to take a moment and place your hand on your heart,
If you have lost people over the last twelve months, whether to death or just a separation brought on by differences of ideas and opinions or even a need to say goodbye,
I ask you in this moment to breathe into your chest.
Into your heart and feel.
Feel that loss.
Feel the opening of opportunity as well that the space from that relationship is creating for you.
Feel who you truly are outside of anyone else.
Because this is where you need to be.
This is where your answers will birth from.
And the untold plan…
Well thats for you to discover as you lean into your heart,
That beautiful precious heart of yours and listen.
Here is to wishing you a year filled with truth and love. A year of self discovery where you want to be a better human for yourself first and the world second. Where you know that all you ever have to do is turn inward and listen to your soul.
Loving you today from Boulder Colorado and always.
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A* s Believers “
Lets rock out the new year by getting you in full alignment to your F-ck Yes Life today. Reach out to me to find out how.