You know these moment’s where you just go WTF am I doing?
Yepper’s that has been me this morning.
God most certainly wants me to acknowledge my perceived need that I have to know the HOW before receiving my DESIRE.
I have picked up on my statement of , how twice so far in a conversation about property investment.
I love the idea of the investment property,
I love the idea of the cash flow that it could bring into my life,
I love the idea of venturing out into this land of real-estate investing.
My logical mind though keeps saying, ” Yeah, yeah, that is GREAT! But how?”
Where is the money to invest coming from?
How can you make an offer before you have all your ducks lined up and accounted for?
How can you say, “Yes let’s do this or that, and NOT yet even have any concept as to the HOW?”
WOW! OMFG! WOW.
Is this my brain saying that?
I cannot even BELIEVE I am thinking it and having the negative, doubtful thoughts which are creating my emotional response to follow to it,
So, here is the gig…
The whole real-estate thing is neither here nor there in truth. It can effect my household and over all finances and well-being in that area, but it is not my actual passion, focus or desire. It belongs to someone else that I love and care fore and that I support.
Which makes it really bad that I am being the doubting Thomas in my energy and inquiry, but because I feel partly invested into the impact of what it can do for over all family life and I want this person to have success for themselves, my FEAR is creeping up and letting its negative little head be seen and heard.
SO I can say that I am in this state of needing the HOW –
Because I care so much.
That is all ego though.
It is not because I care so much, it is not because I of anything other than my program of feeling like like nothing can happen unless you have a plan for it first.
Funny, because this is not how I run my personal life and business.
No, when it comes to what I am working on or setting as an intention, desire or goal, I JUST GO FOR IT.
Or do I?
Here is my epiphany of this morning….
I have trained myself to think that I am JUST GOING FOR IT, without reservation or need to know the HOW, when in fact somewhere inside of me, my ego is flashing me with “How, How, How!”
The how causes constriction in my being through the introduction of doubt and possible failure.
The how causes resistance to my desired life and outcomes by bluntly saying, “You ain’t gotta freakin’ clue as to the how, so how is it to ever work?”
The how rests itself up on a pedestal and looks down at me and assures me that if I were worthy, then I would KNOW the HOW.
Now the TRUTH is much different.
The truth smiles and says, “You got this because you are f*cking Bada*s!”
The truth say’s lean in and breath in your desires, your wants and your hopes, they are placed within your heart to be not just chased but received, God put them there for your taking.
The truth get’s itself up under our bums and PUSHES US UP, so that we can meet and match our desires and get ready to open to more blessing.
The challenge is that we are scared of our GREATNESS.
The challenge is that we for more comfort in remaining lost then we do in stepping into our soul calling.
When we face the expression that our soul wants and needs to let be seen, to let shine, it requires us to FEEL.
And feeling is scary, so we say that to feel is to be weak.
We destroy our feelings by covering them with medications, alcohol, addictions of all sorts including work and religion.
And then we ASK,
“Where is my path?”
” I just feel so lost, so unconnected, disillusioned and empty.”
In order to come back to soul though we have to STOP RESISTING what is right within ourselves.
The message of heart.
The message of emotion.
Or we resign ourselves to ignoring our feelings and emotions and REMAIN a lost soul in this thing called life that we are refusing to LIVE.
So yes, my epiphany for today is just this…
I am guilt of buying the bullsh*t of my ego and still thinking I need the HOW before I step fully into my purpose.
Step fully into my radiance.
Step fully into my light.
Step fully into me soul calling
Step fully into being the BadA*s that I know I can be and that God is waiting for me to Step Into.
I am sharing this intimacy with you.
I am sharing that I am often scared to SAY YES to myself.
Scared to SAY YES to my soul calling.
To my heart.
Listen to my emotions, my feelings and to that soft voice deep inside.
You know the one.
the one that you try and bury,
but it will not go away.
The one that keeps sharing your desires.
Keeps sharing your purpose.
Keeps nudging you to Be-DO-Have more!
You know the one.
I COMMIT to be my BadA*s from here on out.
Stop Existing & Start Living
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