” It’s not about the love, it’s about the expectation of sex.”
Today is the day of love. Today men across the world are standing in obnoxious lines with bundles of over prices roses and chocolates in their arms. They are feeling the pressure of society as well as the hope and expectation to “show” their love from the woman of their obsession. Today, woman across the world are doing their daily shopping and adding in a small box of condoms, as women know that with the gifts of love that has cost their gents possibly a whole pay check or more they will be expected to return the favor of love and show their love and gratitude through the affection of sex.
So here is the issue with how we perceive love and relationship.
Yes I know right about now many who read this musing are wondering how can someone such as myself who preaches and teaches about love, romance, courting and sex be so damn anti-Valentine’s Day.
There are simple issues with this Hallmark day of Love.
The first but not the least is that it is an abusive day for those who are single. Every where you go from late January to mid February you are bombarded with the constant reminder that if you do not have a valentine then there is most likely something wrong with you. We are told from a young age that this day is about showing love and more importantly about showing off that we are loved or that we have someone “special.” When in all reality the majority of people who are out there buying up flowers, wine, chocolate and dinner reservations as well as jewelry are ONLY doing so because of the pressure they feel NOT because of the love that they share.Which leads me to the second BIG time issue I have with Valentines. It is a day where those who are in a relationship are held to expectations that are frequently over the top for many. Valentines is a day of keeping up with the Jones in our private lives. It effects us all and most of the time not in the positive way we hope for. Both sides in the relationship feel an un-needed stress to make something extravagant occur on this day. After all it needs to top last year, or make our lover really know that we cherish and love them. All the better if we can make it a big time event where our friends or family will be amazed. We have to make sure that it is facebook or instagram worthy after all. Which brings us to the third issue with this day of love. All I can say is thank heavens that Valentines day happens in mid February as that does help off set some peoples purchases, because after making it through Christmas and News Years those who get a tax refund need to get it cranked out ASAP so that they can afford the Valentine experience. So often people over spend and business knows that the stress of making a loved one feel your love is something that almost everyone is craving and will certainly pay for, so as the heart balloons raise in the air and the roses adorn the walkways of all our local shopping areas, we can also watch the price tags for these items increase and see the signs of extra marketing happening. After all “every kiss begin’s with …. yep a diamond.” These big purchases funnel us right into the next issue of valentines day, that being that with the pressure to purchase items we also feel the pressure to push our relationships prematurely. We may want to really make our love known and what better day to propose then on the day of love itself. These premature advances in relationship can lead to more trouble and heart ache then we could ever realize. Do to these premature advances we may also deal with premature break ups and the onset of massive depression over taking us at this time of the year. The once ” In a Relationship” status can quickly go to the hope of ” Engaged” and the destitution of “Single.”
The focus of Valentines Day is not on love. It is on gift giving and receiving. It is about expectation and the belief that we can “make” someone love us or feel loved by us. It is in all actuality a very sad day for many who walk this earth and have to bare the media and marketing for many of the reasons I list above and for those who have been “blessed” with a Valentine who makes their love known through extravagant purchases and heart felt promises and courting gestures, it is often a day where they find themselves living out of integrity and feeling the pressure to act and do things that they are not in alignment with for that moment. Some may wonder what I mean by this statement, simply that love is not always shown through gift giving. We all have our primary love styles or languages that help us feel loved. Gifts are always wonderful, but often come with an attachment to the givers needs. Weather the giver is aware of their agenda or not, the receiver is most likely going to feel the pressure and guilt if they are not feeling like doing what they “think” the expectation is that comes with the gift. But, after all it is Valentines Day and he did go through all of this trouble to say, “I love you.” So what the heck grab a box of condoms at the store and make some yummie moans and grunts, get down and dirty and know that more then likely it will all be over in less then 10 minutes. As cruel as this may seem, the facts are there. Love cannot be forced to be felt, and it sure the heck cannot be forced through gift giving. Love is not need based and does not come with attachments and anyone who is truly in love will know that their partner(s) are not expecting any sort of crazy gift on a media induced holiday.
Show your love not through societal norms but through the true longing for deeper intimacy and sacred loving. Show your love through the giving of real love, love that knows that it is to be shared and released every day of a relationship not just on a few occasions in the year. Give your love unconditionally and without any agenda. A man or woman who can open to the power of this sort of love that is NOT need based will reap far more then the pressured few moments of sexual release or blinged out presents.
Love that is open and flowing, unconditional and fully expressed in each moment is love that can endure and expand. Through this sacred loving one can experience deep intimacy that carries with it vibrant life and yes life changing orgasm.