Happy Valentine’s Day Luv!
It’s your annual Hallmark reminder day that your love life is what it is.
Maybe you are single and have been for years or even decades and find yourself sitting here today wishing you were not.
Sick and tired of doing all the things life has for you ALL BY YOURSELF.
Maybe you are coupled, formally as in marriage with a ring on the finger and madly in love with your partner even after all these years…
Or maybe you are contemplating why you are still hanging out putting up with all the things that a partnered life can bring with it, wishing for something new, or just space to be alone, because you feel alone in your relationship anyway.
Maybe, you are coupled in some fashion, playing the field of dating, looking for love and the right person, enjoying the person you are enjoying, but know that they are not your forever.
Maybe you have decided that open-relationship, fantasy play, swinging, BDSM or something else that is non-traditional is the way to survive this thing called commitment, love and relationship, or the lack of it.
Maybe you are happy.
Maybe you are not.
Over 60% of couples are not!
The same is true for singles.
The issue is that we are most always focused on problems and what we are lacking in relationship or outside of it.
And as long as we sit around in our lives focused on problems and looking for them, then we will certainly have them. You will never get out of a problem by looking for a solution from the same state of awareness as the problem. This keeps you blind.
Yet, that is what we do.
We focus on a problem in our relationship and we emotionalize with it, bringing forth even more like minded thoughts that translate to like felt feelings and emotions and we keep acting from this place expecting different results.
I can promise you that you will never get what you are looking for from here.
In any subject area of your life, for that matter.
You bring your attention to something that is working in your life. Go as far away from the problem as you can and focus on things that are working, that do feel good, that does make you happy or give you a more positive feeling. That you find easier to have fulfillment in or satisfaction in. And then get help with the things that you are not good at.
Today being Valentine’s Day I was scrolling through a decade plus of writings. Over the course of my time working with people such as yourself in the land of their relationships and intimacy, I personally have explored so many avenues myself. I was married for almost two decades, then dating without commitment, then in an open relationship, suffered massive heart break, then dating just a few, then dating just one and now feel like I have come home to my soul.
Over the course of time, since I began my search for “the one” way back at 15 years old, all I ever wanted was the feeling of coming home. Lost in the visions of my head, like memories from another life, I could always feel what my soulmate felt like and he felt like home. I came close to this feeling once before, but there was still anxiety and a knowing that it was not aligned somewhere deep inside of me. The day I lost that relationship, my world truly did stand still. I was lost for a moment in time. However, like all good sagas and traumatic events, we never can see the blessing within the storm until we come out of the storm. Until we are able to step away from the problem and view our situation with more clarity.
This was true for me the day the earth stood still.
In fast-forwarding 4 years however, I see the blessing. And stand here today in gratitude for that loss, for it was not really a loss. It was a gain.
I gained the opportunity to find my home.
To not have to sacrifice who I am.
To be witnessed by my life partner in a way that no one could ever see me, feel me.
And to get lost in his presence.
I gained from that past relationship a KNOWING.
I met so many aspects of home in that past relationship that I could taste them, feel them and most importantly RECOGNIZE them when they manifested in my partnership with Craig.
My true home.
You see I would have been blind without that love story of my past.
I would have been unable to appreciate and to know what I have today without the seeming loss of yesteryear.
I would not be as certain as I am in our alignment and soul bond, if I had not felt what I felt and seen what I saw 4 years ago. I have always been that person that finds gratitude and blessing in the darkest hour of our lives, and so far, God has not let me down. But with this, there is a knowing that I know, a clarity that we humans are all powerful when it comes to manifesting and calling in our truest desires IF WE ALIGN TO THEM.
As I was looking through my writings of all time, I found a musing from two years ago.
A LETTER TO MY MR.FOREVER
Craig and I were not a couple when I wrote this, we knew each other and were friends, I had feelings but did not recognize yet just what those feelings were awakening me too. The familiar land that was calling me home to it, the hunger in my own heart and soul and desire to be lost in him.
I turned away.
I attempted ignoring.
Yet our conversations, our gaze into each other, the synchronicities that arose.
When I look back to the writing of this musing, I see my soul telling me its truth of direction and I see just how him, and I manifested each other.
How we finally came together after all our journeys of this lifetime.
ALIGNED AND READY TO BE WITH EACH FULLY.
I was committed to just being single, playing the field, not opening my heart again at any depth. I did not believe that I would find home 2-years ago.
I cannot speak for Craig but feel that he was in similar shoes of some sort.
A lack of belief that it was out there waiting for him.
An uncertainty that he would be safe to be seen by a woman, to open his heart and to trust.
We were both wounded and hungry to be seen and held but guarded and not allowing.
Except it was so easy for each of us to be with each other, our friendship was pure, real, loving and compassionate. We were soft with each other and not questioning. And this created the birth space for us to meet our soul’s desire. Saying yes to more and more opportunities to be close, to explore each other’s views, attitudes, ideas and feelings, we each jumped at the opportunity to travel any distance to have a moment with each other, a moment where we could just breathe.
Little did I know that I had wrote what I wanted, and it was being delivered to my doorstep in love.
But it was.
And this morning, I woke next to him, as I do every morning, I breathed in this feeling of home.
I touched my foot on his, wrapped my arm around his and silently in my heart smiled in gratitude.
I AM HOME.
This musing goes out to everyone who is happy, not so happy, heartbroken and lost.
It goes out to those who are single or coupled.
As a confirmation that your home is out there.
Align yourself, gain clarity, be in gratitude for all that you have been blessed with, because you have.
In loving service,