AND I CAME CRASHING BACK INTO MY HEART… JUST LIKE THAT.
He grabbed me,
kissed me and pushed me back onto the bed.
I was rambling on and on about my frustration,
my anger. Lost in thought and the mind.
I was distant from him.
Distant from me.
And lost beyond measure.
I could not feel my heart,
in truth I did not even want to right then.
I had been triggered and I was pissed.
Not at him.
At life in general.
My flow had been disrupted,
I had allowed it to happen and I was out of control of my life in that instant. The chaos of kids, work, house and family stirred around me and I just wanted solitude and peace but had no way of obtaining it because inside I was a storm that I had not even slowed to recognize.
And that was what he did.
He slowed me.
He grabbed a hold of me and led me back to my heart.
That space that I was forced into feeling my truth.
That space where I knew I was not alone in this world,
that space where he was not going to let me run from him, from us, from me.
And he passionately took hold of me there.
He moved with clarity, direction and determination.
I tried to fight his lead.
My mouth was rambling, but he kissed me and would not take my ego based words.
I pushed up against him and ran from feeling him physically, mentally, emotionally.
But he tore off my clothes and laid me naked, vulnerable before him. Devouring my flesh like a hungry wild animal and forcing me to come back to him.
Pressing himself into me,
not letting me go.
I fought with myself to feel.
I fought with the urge to physically stop his love at that moment.
Where days before I found myself lost in a trance of our eyes gazing during our sexing, here I lay closing my eyes and wanting to hide.
Hiding from the reveal of my soul.
Hiding from my pain in feeling lost and angry.
Hiding by throwing up my armour and not allowing myself to feel.
Not allowing his intensity to penetrate my core.
My armour was weakening.
And tears fell.
My chest became tense as I attempted to hold back my breaking,
the cracking of my armour, the cracking of my heart and the desire to fully open to his touch, his kiss, his presence, his love.
His breath softly moving across my breast,
my heart beat instensing,
I could feel him.
As I came back to him,
back to us,
he let out the affirming words of, “Yes. yes.yes.”
I knew that he too felt me dropping.
Felt me feeling him.
And as I laid down my armour my pleasure arose.
with mine his came too.
And I was drawn in.
I was seen.
I was held.
I was fulfilled.
And my trust grew.
This is the taking of the feminine that the masculine must learn.
It is in deep love and devotion.
It is in divine leadership and surrender all the saame,
and it is based in soul consciousness.
Often mistaken for control or for a desire to have one’s way,
the difference is in the emotional investment in the moment, in the relationship and the centeredness in self.
The masculine is meant to lead the femeine home to her heart.
And it is the masculine that must remain strong in these moments, strong in love. Not cowering to the feminines fires but standing firm in who they are and in their purpose beyond their mate, beyond their fear or ego or desire to control her fires, but in turn they must handle her with care and passion, clarity and direction. She must feel his leadership as well as his surrender to his own heart to be able to trust him to lead her back to her own.
This is the dance.
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