🌹👩❤️👨👉IS YOUR COUPLEHOOD-PRIVILEGE CAUSING ISSUES IN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS?
It should not be, but it often does in today’s world.
This has been a BIG topic as of late and so here I am sharing it with you. I have heard everything from,
“Well your kids should be your primary relationship.”
“Is sex the only thing that changes things?”
“Why does your primary relationship have to be your mate/spouse/person you are dating-living with? Why can’t it be a friend?”
“It’s not fair that you spend the majority of your time/attention focused on your husband/wife/girlfriend/boyfriend, what about us/me?”
And so many more statements.
I have heard it from monogamous folks, polyomourous folks, and anything inside or outside of this as well. The children, friends, secondary lovers, family members of these couples are all complaining about…
As if it’s a bad thing.
I mean how dare a couple choose each other, make each other a priority, want to focus time, attention, thought on each other and design a life together where they “do life in all ways – TOGETHER.”
How dare they make each other PRIMARY!
That is so self-centered and selfish of them, right?😂🤣😂
Well, the world around us with its desire to strip away labels and make everyone equal and the same certainly would have you believing so, however it’s just not true.
I believe that this sort of mindset comes from the same lineage as the one of , “There should be no winners or losers, we are all participants here and need to be treated equally. That’s the only fair thing.”
Well baby, life is extremely fair no matter what, I can promise you that.
Life gives you EXACTLY what you put into it.
The problem is that our society has come into this belief that things need to be equally balanced and fair where no one gets their ‘feelings’ hurt and no one gets more of anything (including your love, attention, time in a committed relationship).
👉If that were so, then what the heck is the point of getting into a committed relationship?
👉Why even look for love or want partnership?
And to a great degree what we are witnessing in the dating realm these days is just this…
💥A RISE IN CASUAL RELATIONSHIP.💥
No one wants to ask of someone else their needs.
People are afraid to share their boundaries.
They don’t want to impose on anyone else, because after all what right do they have to ask anything of the person they are wanting to be intimate with, share time and space with, make plans with, have babies with, go into debt with?
Instead, they just stay hushed up.
And this keeps relationships casual, disconnected, superficial and empty.
We fear asking because we don’t want to upset the cart, but what we don’t realize is that we are upsetting our own cart.
We are not loving or valuing ourselves and what we need and desire in a relationship when we do not state clearly these things.
And yet what do we see, with all the hushing and fear, we also have a bunch of extreme vocal victim mindset people out there, first in line to point fingers and blame as to how “others” are not being fair by not being inclusive.
They should not be allowed to do/be/have/act in any fashion that is not okay with whomever this complaining victim person is.
And it shows up in relationships.
Recently I was working with a couple who is monogamous, the wife has a best friend that is female, they are as close as can be, like sisters. Beautiful right?
However, the wife focuses more attention, time, energy to that friendship than she does to the marriage. To her husband. And if he asks for time, a date, or even travel, the wife says, “Well what about Jenny? I told her I was going to do this or that.”
The husband frustrated and feeling abandoned in the relationship is on the cusp of looking outside the relationship for other intimacy. After years of this attitude from his beloved wife he is truly struggling. As one might imagine.
The wife will make excuses to him about the fact that her friend being single needs her, she does not have support and companionship like a couple so the wife feels it important to take her friend out to drinks and shows, on ‘girls trips’ multiple times a year.
👉THIS IS NOT HEALTHY FOR THE MARRIAGE!
Many women get enwrapped in their female friendships.
They support their fellow women as a sister-hood and it truly is beautiful and powerful. We ladies need this.
The issue comes in when we make our female friendships our priority to our partnership with our spouse/ the one we are dating and committed to.
👊YOUR FOCUS SHOULD ALWAYS FALL TO THE ONE YOU ARE WANTING TO DO LIFE WITH.👊
Otherwise, you won’t be doing life with them very long. 😳
or at least it will not be happy, connected, intimate, in sync or deep.
People get thier booty tickled over not being primary in someone’s life, they feel as though they are just cast away and mean nothing if they are not the center of attention or getting what they deem appropriate time and energy from whomever they want it from. This happens to all of us somewhere along the line, however the emotionally mature soul will understand that we are designed to have ONE primary partner.
In a partnership/marriage/intimate relationship this should be the person you are committed to here. ( Monogamous or polyomourous, does not matter.) THIS person gets the majority of the time and ALL others, children, friends, family, other lovers, etc are SECONDARY.
Yes dear, it’s a hierarchy and it is to be such so that the primary partnership remains just that – PRIMARY AKA PRIORITY.👊💥👊
Putting your priorities anywhere else for very long in a committed relationship will hinder and cause major long term issues in the relationship.
I have heard a lot about the negativity of hierarchy in partnership/committed relationships, to be honest I don’t see an issue unless it is being used as though one partner is boss over the other. That is not a partnership to begin with. Partnership means discussions, communication is key, transparency is a must and loving self, respecting yourself enough to speak those truthful words to your partner is a requirement in a happy, healthy partnership. It only becomes an unhealthy hierarchy if one person is fearful of losing the other if they are authentically themselves. If one partner feels they need to hide, change or become something to keep the partnership then it becomes an unbalanced hierarchy.
But a hierarchy it still should be.
A family cannot be equal where all family members get to have equal say and rights in making decisions. If we allow our ten year old to decide on family direction then things may be lost in the land of Minecraft. If you put your financial future into the hands of your 16 year old then how well will your golden years fair? And if you just give, give, give to your children, you will exhaust yourself and only find that your children are ungrateful and expectant not understanding real life issues at all.
Friendships cannot overrule your partnership either.
They must be secondary. They are friendships and if you feel called to give more here than to your life partner, you might want to reevaluate your partnership, because you are obviously not committed, in love or aligned the way you once were.
In an open relationship, if you allow your secondary partner(s) to become the focus point of your life, they will become your primary partner and your primary partner will be gone to someone who will value them properly.
In ALL couplehood the “couple” is a UNIT.
It must be that two become ONE.(the hierarchy)
Having each other’s backs or losing each other to the wolves of all the other relationships that no matter how loving and supportive those outside relationships are, have themselves in mind and at the forefront of their focused desire.
YOU MUST DECIDE WHAT YOUR PRIORITY IS.
Where you put your attention will show the truth.
Is your couplehood-privilege causing issues in your other relationships? It certainly might be with the way our world operates, but if you truly love your partner, want to do all of life with them and want to know you have each other’s backs….
👉Have difficult conversations with those asking you to give, give, give.
👉get clear on what your couplehood goals and desires are.
👉And clean your relationship house up! Don’t be afraid to take out the trash of the relationships that cannot support your couplehood-privilege or are making demands on you that can destroy the love you have with your partner.
Loving you from here,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Helping dynamite powerful souls like yourself discover love and fulfilment is what my passion is. Over the last two decades I have worked with hundreds of women & men such as yourself to call in their soulmate by aligning to their truth. I have guided countless couples not to just rekindle a love that they thought was lost, but to create an empowered turned on and fully aligned partnership based in love with 8 simple steps. If you are a woman or man who is looking for happiness, love and abundance in life and is sick and tired of just getting by, reach out to me for a FREE Clarity Call today where we will define exactly what is holding you back, what you are wanting to call in and the next best steps to achieve your desired life. Message me to set up your FREE Clarity Call today.