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I WANT YOU TO WANT TO.

I WANT YOU TO WANT TO.

 

“I want you to want to do the dishes.” She said to her husband of 23 years as they sat on my couch arguing about what was going wrong in the relationship. 

“And I want you to want to have sex with me,” he quickly responded back. 

 

This two line snippet into a marriage is one that is common for many and it is the old story line of man wants more sex, woman wants man to show he cares by XYZ.

 

What needs to happen to achieve some sort of healthy space for these two however?

And how in the hell did they arrive at this place of not having interest in what the other wants but only a strong focus on what they themselves are not getting from the relationship?

 

It’s important to understand what is actually being said in these statements between these two individuals. 

 

The wife is sharing that she is exhausted in life and feels pulled in too many directions. She wants help at home. And that helps tell her that her husband loves her. That she is worthy of being supported and cared for. It says to her that he values her feelings and appreciates all that she does. 

 

The husband in turn is sharing that he is stressed and exhausted with life and all the directions and problems he is constantly trying to fix. He needs to know that he is more than just an ATM machine, a provider but that he is desired by his wife. The sexual connection to him is not just about the quick act of sex, but that she wants to be with him. It says I love you to him and that she values him as a “man.” That he is enough.

 

They are saying the same things to each other. 

They want to know that their partner cares about them outside of the roles that they provide in life for family, home, and work. They want to know that their partner sees them and wants them. 

 

Basic love language stuff, right?

Yes it is and yet so many choose to disregard the power of the love languages. 

And if we are among the many at this time who are familiar with the concept of love languages we believe that we have a priority love language and that if this is filled then we “should” know that we are loved. However, this is not the case.

 

I have learned personally and in working with thousands of people over the last two decades that the primary love language changes consistently for a large majority of the people. 

If we are a person like the woman above who is focused on Acts of Service and then our mate starts focusing on doing more chores and little things to assist us, we are appreciative for a time frame. Then we grow accustomed to it and start to take it for granted. At this point our focus turns toward where we feel/see lack in our relationship.  So maybe the next love language runner up is time. Since our partner has been helping out more, we have now noticed that they are not as quick to snuggle or suggest a date night or time away. So, now our “feeling” of being loved rests in the hands of this next love language and we feel like they are ignoring us, they don’t care or they would want to set aside time with us. 

 

And so on. 

Might seem hopeless, I know. 

So why bother learning love languages or applying them if you are going to just get the run around and taken for granted and still not get it right with your partner?

 

Because love languages matter. 

But so does understanding that we humans are fickle and adapt to things quickly. 

Our ability to adapt to the normalcy of things in this case creates bitterness in the relationship and  to our mate that they are never good enough, no matter what they do. It will leave our partners feeling used and in an essence they are. 

 

Understanding the fickle nature of humans is powerful, and it releases you from the need and idea that you have to always do something. Instead it frees you into truly being able to connect with your partner. The reality is that we humans desire and need all five love languages. 

At different points of our relationships we will need different things. 

Depending on our history and what our personal challenges are, how we perceive things and how well we know ourselves  will decide what we lean toward. 

And they will be ever changing. 

 

Once upon a time I believed that acts of service was my primary love language and it was because in my life and relationship I was a stay at home mother of five young children and I was constantly doing dishes, laundry, errands and all the homemaker things. I volunteered to the classrooms and sat and did homework and crafty projects with my kids. I prided myself in having it all done. Even the bleached baseboards… however I was bitter AF as well about it. Because all I wanted was a day to rest. I wanted to come in and find that someone saw all the laundry or dishes and had just done them because they needed to be done. I wanted my then husband to see that I was exhausted and not ask me for sex but instead let me sleep in and take care of the kids one Saturday. I wanted him to say, “Hey I booked you a massage for 2pm today so you can have a moment to relax.”

 

None, of that was on the table. And I felt not seen, appreciated or loved. I felt used up. 

Years later, I was offered a relationship that supported some of my needs around acts of service but did not provide me the date nights, the snuggling, the moments of “ I want to spend this moment with just you and get to know you deeper, to listen, to share or dream.” And so my primary love language became time and physical touch. I bounced between the two because I had very little of each. The physical touch offered was only sexual and had to be adventurous or it was obsolete. So I did what was needed to get fed the love language I was craving. 

 

Then years later. I found myself dating someone who constantly wanted to touch me and would not let me have a moment of alone space. Time and physical touch was his focus and with it I became frustrated and exhausted in attempting to provide him his needs when all I was craving was alone time. I share these little excerpts from my personal life to say, “ You are normal.” 

Being fickle is normal. 

Your love languages changing is normal. 

 

And beautiful at that, it shows you exactly where you are at in life and in relationship. 

I hear so often from couples that there is nothing wrong in their relationships, that they think that everything is just fine as is, yet then alone they will complain about one of these things to me. 

Revealing that everything is not fine as is. 

And that is the reality of ALL relationship. It’s never fine as is. 

There is always room for adjustment, growth and improvement. 

Our fickle nature is designed just so we do not grow complacent but instead desire for more in our most precious gift of intimate relating. 

And so that we consistently ask more of ourselves so that we can achieve the relationship that we want for. 

 

In order to have not just a successful relationship based in longevity but also in happiness and satisfaction it is vitally important to understand the power of our fickleness and how we want for our mates to want our love language for us and to offer it consistently. 

 

If we only choose to love our partners the way that we feel love we will resign our mates to a relationship that feels empty and loveless. 

 

So I ask you today to review how you choose to see the requests of your partner. 

I ask you to look at how you show your love and if that matches what your partner needs? If you are uncertain as to the answer, you need not look any further than their complaints on what they want/need? 

 

As Always, 

Stop Existing & Start Living

Coaching for Grown A*s Believers

-Kendal Rene’

 

As Esther Perel says the quality of our relationships, determines the quality of our lives. Make 2022 the year that you learn how to have your best life ever! Reach out to me today to learn the power of erotism, play, ritual and routine in your intimate relationships today.

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What Getting Shot At Taught Me.

 

The bullets whirled past my head and shoulders. 

Horror encompassed every aspect of my being. 

We ran. We ran like there was no tomorrow because we did not know if there was one. 

I can still see the tall wheat grasses, golden in the afternoon sunlight, bending to our thrashing of them with each intensified step. 

I can grasp ahold of my only hope that we would clear the field, clear the firehouse doors and make it to Laura’s house. Laura was the woman I thought of as my grandmother, although she was of no blood relation or family to me. She and her brother Art lived across the field from us in a house that was built a hundred years before. I loved to play barbies in her house breezeway and under the remaining orange grove trees in the spring and summer. Laura would make me iced tea and we would sit in her rusty metal rocking chairs as she told me tales of her youth. Laura was my sanctuary as a child. Her house was a magical mystery from times I only saw in movies and read about and Laura with her long silver hair and dress from something like Little House on the Prairie was a woman who I felt safe with and on this Spring Day in 1980 my mother was hoping to find safety at Lauras as well. 

 

I was four-years old. My parents had been fighting off and on for a few days. My father had a temper, although most of the time he was calm, cool and collected. You never knew exactly what would set him off or when the eruption was going to happen. Life was peaceful and good 95% of the time and as long as everything was according to the order that he wanted it to be. My mother without true understanding pushed his buttons often with her carefree gypsy ways. However, today, today none of this was about any of that. It was about my mother wanting to visit her homeland of Germany and take me with her. It meant that we would be gone for four or five weeks, and I was so very excited about the adventures that lay before us on this journey. My father on the other hand, not so much. He was not good with his daughter leaving the country. 

 

And so, the fight erupted and without notice, the shouting led to fists through walls and breaking glass, doors slamming, and threats being made. I played outside, next to the old water cooler where I had built a shelter. I felt safe, was out of the way, and could still hear everything. But today my mom ran to my little dome habitat and grabbed my hand, told me to drop everything and come. Barbie in hand she pulled me with all her might as we rushed through the yard and into the field toward Laura’s house. Her weeping was loud, and I did not understand what was happening. 

 

Not until I heard the ring of my daddy’s pistol. 

And then I understood. 

 

I understood that he was mad and that something my mom had done had made him so. 

I understood that in order to keep the peace with the man I looked up to, who was my world (because I was daddy’s little girl, he walked on water many days with me), the man who I believed would never hurt me, always keep me safe, loved me, cherished me and that I respected without question… I understood that this peace was shattered. 

So much so that he was willing to shoot at us. 

At me. 

I had witnessed my father’s rage on a few occasions, and I already knew that he was not a man to be reckoned with. His word was the end of the line. He allowed me massive freedom in so many ways but demanded that I earn it. That I prove my worth and that I walk the line he had for me, and he demanded the same in a respect of my mother. 

 

This day in my fourth year of life was a day that bore with it an education around a relationship with a man that I am pretty sure my daddy never wanted me to experience nor have ingrained at the level that it buried itself in my psyche. But that is the path of parenting, we are still humans, and we are wounded humans at that. We allow our ego’s, our fear and pain to overrun us like my dad had done on this day and we act without the foresight of what the repercussions are for those we love. Often these repercussions are years long and sometimes a lifetime. 

 

What my daddy set in motion this day and events prior and after was the lesson of: 

 

PISS A MAN OFF, GET HURT.

Don’t do what you know will keep the peace…

Speak up too much…

Don’t get it right…

Show too much emotion…

Or opinion…

Do anything that is not pleasing to what he wants and there WILL be hell to pay. 

Perhaps even death.

 

I did make friends with the idea of death on this day and a few others that came close in similar events, and that is not a bad thing. I have understood that life is fleeting, and you never know when it’s gift of breath in your lungs will be taken from you, so enjoy the moment while you have it and be the best you that makes you feel good about yourself. Don’t take anything for granted. 

 

Those are the gifts from this traumatic event. 

The hard lessons that I have spent my life retraining myself on however, so that I can release myself from the shackles that I bought into in my youth, the ones that I get triggered daily with in my relationship with my partner, the ones that my clients bring to me and they wonder why I understand so deeply the fear, the need to be approved of, to not rock the apple cart in their relationships, the lessons that have seeped their way out and rebirthed themselves into sabotaging patterns with my friends and children. Those are the nasty boogers that just tear my heart out and demand that I find all the courage that I can muster up to overcome and get out of the comfort of what  my psyche believes is true, and because of this illusion my body has been trained to believe it as well so looks for the feelings that it associates with this “truth” in the day to day relating of life and then reacts from there creating a vicious cycle.

 

But it’s not. 

 

You see, I write this musing today because of a conversation a while back with my partner. I shared the anxiety that I feel so often in our relationship. It’s funny, he does nothing to cause it, but if we have any amount of confrontation, difference of opinion or if I simply perceive that he is pulling away for any reason my inner four-year-old little girl takes off running in fear for her very life. 

Except I can’t blame my mom for upsetting the apple cart, I am the woman in the event rattling the cages and I stand before this man who I believes loves my every cell, has given so much of his life in our short time together to me and has done nothing but prove he will stand in the fire with me. There is no convincing my four-year-old though that she is safe. She has a track record from youth to other relationships to prove that she is not safe.  No matter how drastically different he is or our relationship in comparison to the past …

 

She points to all the childhood moments when her father showed no love or concern but only rage and torment. 

She points to the lies of her high school love and the abandonment she experienced. 

She points to her saga of marriage where every day was about fighting, was about survival, emotional betrayals and sexual expectation’s. Being told she was crazy, being told that she was the problem and then damned for walking away from the marriage. 

She points to the emotional warfare of her narcissistic, stonewalling sexually abusive relationship that followed that ended by her being physically broken and in the hospital. 

She points to the crazy she did not see in her relationships; the way men have always only wanted to control her and called that love. 

 

That four-year old has seen more than any child should ever have too. 

And today she finds herself recognizing her truth. 

She sees the lessons and she knows that they set a tone for a relationship with a man.

They set up an illusion as to what she should expect, should give, and should want in an intimate relationship. Creating weak boundaries. Poor self-worth. And a high level of responsibility for anything that appears to be wrong. A quick retreat. An even quicker need to run, to hide the delicate self.

 

Now, the grown ass woman, she knows this is all BS!!!!

She knows at her core that love does not demand that you see eye to eye or that one caves to the other and gives of themselves that, that deflates the very essence of who one is. The woman knows that love means that you accept the human error of your partner. That you cherish them even when they upset the apple cart. Your cart.

 

She is wise. 

Not blaming her daddy, her mother or anyone she has ever been in relationship with and at the same time not owning it all for herself. Because she can allow herself to feel her pain, her fear, and let her tears fall to the ground where they will grow something beautiful. She can see that we are all victims of victims, wounded children acting from places that we do not recognize and causing us to fear this world. We are all scared. 

 

Scared to lose. 

Fearful of not being enough. 

Or good enough for the one that we love. 

And many of us do not understand that love means letting go, 

While we cling to it with all the hope and enthusiasm as a child on Christmas morning. 

No, we forget that love is fire that can be easily put out through control. 

And that in our desire to control it to keep us and the one we love safe that in turn we make our beloved a slave.

We do not mean to cause harm.

We do not intend on creating trauma. 

Yet we do. 

 

But it always takes two to make lasting damage. 

It takes two who are willing to dance in this sea of the ego. 

 

I have had a life of emotional, physical, sexual abuse. 

I could easily write this with the concept that life is not fair. 

That I am a victim. 

Or stay in the comfort of believing that how I perceive things is accurate for my relationships and that I am not worthy, not enough, too much to handle, too emotional, to ‘broken’ and not loveable. That would have a strange sense of security to it because these are belief structures that I grew up with, that I was shown and taught in significant ways. 

However, that path will never be one that offers me the depth and truth that my soul craves. 

It will only lead me into a deeper concept that love is something that you must sacrifice yourself for and that I am only allowed it “If I do what is required in the way that is demanded.”

It will never offer authentic emotionally mature relating, mature love. 

And I would never achieve healing or happiness. 

I would remain shackled to these false truths and beliefs. 

My reality would not ever be altered. 

And I would simply find no more reason to babble on here. 

Why bother?

 

I share this tale like any of my tales with you because I want to provide you hope.

Hope and lessons, concepts at very least to help you see that you can achieve the life that you want for. You are worthy of it because you have a beating heart and air in your lungs, that is all that is required for your worthiness to have a good life. I want you to know that if a little girl from a nowhere spot in Northern California who grew up with not a whole lot can see that she is worthy and loveable just the way that she is, so can you. 

I want you to be able to take my words and ask yourself, “Why am I accepting these lies as my truths? Why am I accepting so little for my life, for my relationship, my wellbeing? Why am I believing the triggering fear that stems from my body’s reactions to an illusion that it embraces as reality?“ And I want for you to get mad!!! I want you to be frustrated and tired of just letting life go by with some silly concept that you are going to survive it and that your days here mean nothing. 

 

I want you to breathe in the fear of your inner child, 

Comfort that sweet baby, 

And grow the f-ck up. 

Stop letting that kid rule your world with his/her perceptions. 

Look your loved one in the eye and find a drop of faith that they actually love you.

And look yourself in the eye and find a drop of faith that God has a plan for you and that you might just like what is in store. 

 

No matter what your story is, take it from this wounded soul…

You can change that story. 

It’s going to take you wanting to so badly though, that you are willing to sacrifice the comfort of living in what you have been accepting all these years.

But you are worth that sacrifice and life is meant to be a beautiful, fulfilling thing. 

Not just something to exist in. 

 

Loving you from here always. 

Stop Existing & Start Living

-KW

The body holds memory in its cells. Your organs, joints and muscles all contain emotional memory. Doing the mental/psychological work is vitally important however it does not release you from the bondage of your trauma. This can only be fully accomplished through physical release and restoration.  Louise Hay studied this at great length and taught on the emotional connection to disease, ancient Chinese medicine studied the connection of the mind/body/emotional houses as well. Today science is proving that we are woven together and that by attempting to compartmentalize our very being into sections that we do not achieve the healing and transformation that we desire for any length of time because of this separation.

If you are tired of not having the lasting results in your self-growth and healing that you so badly want for and wonder why, look no further.  Reach out to me today for your exploratory consult for structural quantum integration work where you will once and for all release the past traumas, restore vitality and health and have a fresh clarity on who you are and what your future can be.

Email me today.

 

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CASUAL SEX CEATES EMOTIONAL INTIMACY BLOCKAGES & TRUAMA RESPONSE

 

👊👊🤯CASUAL SEX CREATES EMOTIONAL INTIMACY BLOCKAGES AND TRAUMA RESPONSE👈👈👊

It’s why so many people can’t find real love today.

It’s why so many are commitment phobes.

It’s why so many women are under the belief that they need a man with a bigger…

It’s why so many men are scared of women going ‘crazy’ or getting ‘needy’ with them.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨We live in a hookup culture and with that culture we have lost our heart and ability to be truly intimate.

The hook up scene is no longer just for college students,

or players.

👉Anyone can be a player in today’s world.👈

Matter a fact, casual sex, dating and relating is ever growing in the over 40 bracket and the reason is that no one wants to take the time to connect any more.

Many people today of all ages, get into relationship saying they are looking for love, for commitment, for a partner, but what they are actually wanting is easy sustainable sex.  A large majority of twenty and even thirty somethings are not planning on having families. They don’t want children. The vast majority of people from their mid thirties and older have already had children or are no longer in baby making years or are retired. These life situations and desires have created a new ground around relationship containers in general and the majority of people are not interested in long-term commitment any longer.

Recent studies have shown that not only pregnancy rates are down, but the number of people getting married has declined tremendously as well.

You can say that this comes with the belief that you don’t have to be married to be committed or show your love for someone.

 

👉And you are correct.👈

 

Marriage does not make you more committed or more in love.

Although, the commitment factor that we are aiming for with marriage DOES often create a feeling of safety, closeness, protection, stability and allows one or both parties to surrender deeper than not having it. It is an external showing of INTENTION and the solid commitment to that intention on all levels of the partnership.

 

50+ years ago, if a couple wanted to have sex they would get married.

Matter a fact, marriage was the predominant vehicle to having sex.

Today however, in order to get laid, you barely if at all need to make a commitment.

Matter a fact, many people don’t even ask many questions.

You might even not exchange names in some cases.

 

👊👊👊Smash it and Go!🤯

 

It’s this view on sex that is causing so much trauma emotionally and even physically to individuals and those who are attempting couplehood.

 

Many people are in casual relationships BELIEVING it is a serious relationship. ( how is that possible you may wonder. Right? Hopefully this musing helps answer that. Keep reading.)

 

We live in an era of time where individuals have every right to do whatever they want in relationship and with sex.

 

👉We have a label for EVERYTHING.

👉We have new pronouns.

👉We can be whatever race, gender or sexual preference that we want in the moment.

👉We can design our relationship/commitment style however we want.

 

There are no limits.

No boundaries to who we are.

Science has been put on the back burner today when we talk sex, sexual preference, gender, and many other things.

 

We are a woke society that is all inclusive.

And we can SMASH it and GO!!! with no issue.

 

Now, I am not here to make any judgements on anyones preferences or lablels, or when you choose to have sex with a new partner. If you want to have sex on a first date, go to an adult book store to get laid by a total stranger or act out some fantasy or you want to wait till your wedding night, its a personal choice.

 

If you are one who waits till marriage, hopefully you are doing a lot of vetting and getting to know yourself, practicing radical transparency and communication, so that you don’t get to this moment only to find out that you are not aligned here.

 

If you are smashing it and going and thinking you will find love and commitment, but keep finding heart break and more reasons as to why you should keep just smashing and going, remaining in control of your sex and getting the quick hit of sexual gratification but always feeling empty afterward because what you truly want is depth, connection and trust/commitment, then keep reading…

 

🙏 I BELIEVE OUR BODIES ARE SACRED.🙏

 

👉We claim to believe that we know that we deserve better.

👉To be treated better.

👉Loved better.

👉To be respected.

👉To have commitment, honesty, integrity.

👉To not just be “used.”

 

Yet we ourselves do not offer this to our own bodies.

We practice short circuit relating and sexing.

We grab the fast food options of quick release instead of honoring our hearts, bodies and time.

 

You see traditional “casual” sex.

AKA – Hook up/ smash it and go sexing.

Leads us down a path of many multiple partners.

Repeating this process, again and again creates shame for many even when they say it does not. (male and female alike)

Outside of the fear of judgement and the feeling of shame or not being good enough to find someone it can also create trauma physically and emotionally.

 

🤯PHYSICAL LEVEL TRAUMA- Massive multiple partners ‘can’ cause confusion for some people to figure out who they themselves are and what they like because each partner is different and women especially tend to adapt themselves to what the partner likes/needs instead of holding to their own needs/likes and communicating that.

 

You can also become desensitized sexually with mass numbers of partners. Making your body non-sacred and instead just being used as a tool.

 

Just as vibrators desensitize our nervous system to being able to feel fully, we densatize our bodies. Our vagus nerve and limbic system go into trauma response more easily or become mute, preventing us from our full life experiences in ALL categories.

 

🤯EMOTIONAL LEVEL TRAUMA- We bond physically with our partner(s). More for women than men, but all humans DO/CAN bond through sex. https://kendalwilliams.com/we-women-bond-with-men-physically/

 

Men can “pump, pump, eww, goo” or “pump and dump” you may say and not get overly attached but women certainly can get attached at a very deep level after sex, ESPECIALLY good sex. If a woman actually has an orgasm, and if she has more than just a clitorial one, she will be more likely to become attached to her partner, because of the bonding response that we are designed with. (read musing link above)

 

This often leads to heart break stories when she believes that “giving her sex will gain commitment.” Or that she is owed something.

 

If the man is getting attached and then experiences a woman who is emotionally gaurded so remaining in charge of the sex and going for the “smashing and go!” senario, he will feel the same emotional let down and loss as a woman would.

 

👉All instances lead to EMOTIONAL SHUT DOWN BASED ON TRAUMA created by casual sexing/relating without conscious intention.

 

Which creates physical shut down and an inability to surrender to physical pleasure and connection at a deeper level.

 

👉It’s a NUMBING process. 🤯

 

Which is why it’s vitally important to have radically real conversations before you sleep with someone.

 

It’s why I am constantly preaching to know your values.

Know what you are wanting and looking for in a relationship.

Be ready and willing to share upfront THIS key component to preventing yourself more misery and heartbreak.

 

And that is:

👊👊👊What’s your standards in a relationship? How do you operate in a relationship? What are your expectations/requirements/needs in a relationship? What are you REALLY looking for RIGHT NOW. Then INQUIRE back what the other person’s responses are about these same shares.

 

Chemistry (that energetic draw) is great!

But chemistry alone, much like love, will not make a long standing relationship successful.

It will not overcome everything else that comes up in relationships.

 

You must explore deeper.

You must witness our potential mate in many situations.

It takes an average of 100+ hours together consistently to see multiple aspects of another person and for some level of guards to come down.

 

So why are we having sex within the first date or two?

Most new daters have sex somewhere between the third and tenth date. Only having spent an average of 5 to 30 hours together over weeks of time “dating.”

 

👊🔥👊A good rule of thumb outside of deeper inquiry before sex is to NEVER engage in sex with a partner if you:

 

🔥Don’t feel comfortable with the person. If you need a substance to loosen up, YOU ARE NOT COMFORTABLE!

🔥Aren’t aware to your attachment styles and possible attachment caused by sex and have a deeper understanding to what you are wanting from this expereince/moment.

🔥Don’t know what the other person’s real intentions are. You have not yet done the asking!!!!

🔥 Have not discussed what you are wanting in a relationship. If you are wanting monogamy you have also discussed exclusivity. Because they are NOT the same! If you are wanting an open relationship/poly you have discussed what this dynamic is and what you are wanting here.

🔥If you don’t feel safe physically, emotionally and sexually. You need to have discussed safe sex, medical history, pregnancy. You need to have spoken about potential triggers that may come up due to past trauma. As well as, have shared your boundaries and non-negotiables in these three areas for sure.

 

THE IMPORTANCE OF ASKING THESE THINGS AND PUTTING IN THIS TIME AND EFFORT ON OUR SEXUAL CONNECTION IS BECAUSE IF WE CHOOSE TO SLEEP WITH SOMEONE AND IT DOES NOT WORK OUT WE CAN OFTEN TIMES CRUCIFY THE OTHER PERSON FOR “USING US.”

 

We blame them for us feeling hurt.

And we carry this trauma forward into all future relating.

 

🙏You owe it to yourself to honor your sex!🙏

 

 

If you are going to do CASUAL SEX…

Make it 🙏INTENTIONAL CASUAL SEX.🙏

 

Hopefully you found some answers here today on how to do just that.

 

And know that each experience is a part of your journey to self-discovery and is an opportunity to love on yourself and offer yourself respect, honor, time and focus.

 

My whole coaching system is dedicated and centered around these core things. Learning how to navigate and communicate what you want in a relationship by learning your soul-values.

 

As always, if you want to learn if coaching is something of potential assistance and value to you calling in your soulmate relationship or reigniting your couplehood then reach out to me today for a FREE Clarity Call! Where we will start the process of discovery, activation and healing to unite you to SOUL!

 

Loving you from here.

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

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WE WOMEN BOND WITH MEN PHYSICALLY.

💥💥🌹WE WOMEN BOND WITH MEN PHYSICALLY💥💥💥

 

Meaning we bond with men through physical connection.

Sex! and Touch.

 

You have sex with a guy and have an orgasm and you my beautiful are bonding to him.

 

The hormone oxytocin releases which is 👉THE BONDING CHEMICAL!👈

 

Rose tinted glasses are put on and you start to see him as something yummy, and relationship potential.

 

But the issue is that…

 

👉MEN DON’T BOND THROUGH SEX!😳😳😳

 

They want sex, they love sex, but they don’t fall in love and bond through sex.

 

They don’t feel compelled to get all up in their “feelings” because they had some damn good sex with you.

 

And it really just breaks down to basic primal natures here.

Men are created to sow their seed, women to nurture the seed.

 

(*I want to say that I am speaking generalized, of course exceptions apply to this basic human rule and the points I aim to make today are not just toward just women but also men, as they are all about development of the self to create a sustaining happy and healthy relationship with a partner.)

 

Now back to the meat and potatoes of sex, bonding and what ATTRACTS A HIGH VALUE MAN.

 

Let’s first define a high value man.

 

High value (man or women) AKA what society wants us to believe is woke, conscious, divine, spiritual, etc… whatever hootie- tootie popular labels you want to give it which are NOT (sorry, not sorry, just saying and you will see why.) EQUALS or is defined as…

 

👊Emotionally and physically Grown Up!👊

 

Of which the majority of both sexes are not.

 

To be emotionally and physically grown up you are emotionally mature, not meaning caught in your emotions, or overly emotional expressive or led by them, but that you can process them, understand them, look for understanding, compassion, love, empathy and can stand behind your words and values.

 

Being physically grown up means that you are RESPONSIBLE.

You can pay your bills, you take care of your stuff in all areas of life, you don’t have a bunch of chaos and baggage in your life, you are not in victim mode, you are self aware. PLUS…

You are sexually responsible for self and respect boundaries and needs. Such as birth control, safe sex methods, emotional/mental sexual boundaries and do not impose fantasies or past items onto your partner.

 

YOU GET THAT SEX IS NOT JUST PHYSICAL BUT ALSO MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL.

 

And you are human enough to care about the person that you are sleeping with.

 

💥MEN DON’T TYPICALLY BOND THROUGH SEX.💥

 

Meaning they don’t get as attached as women do in sex.

 

Men attach/bond through experiences,

through social activities with their woman,

hobbies, mutual interests, adventures.

 

👉By doing things together.👈

 

Because men are ACTION oriented.

They want to see a woman in action,

see how she deals with things.

What her responses are.

Where she loses her cool.

Her sense of humor, adventure, common grounds with them.

 

Can he drop into his masculine fully with her and trust her?

A man that is in victor consciousness NOT victim consciousness wants a woman he can trust.

 

IF HE IS LOOKING FOR COMMITMENT AND LOVE.

Partnership.

Relationship.

He wants foundation and direction.

 

 

👉What we have in today’s world is a bunch of talk and little to no action in our dating and relating.

 

Outside of some casual hook ups, which both parties enter fully armoured up emotionally and thus physically too. Providing limited pleasure or trust in any area.

 

And we attempt to build lasting relationships on THIS.

 

All that phone chatting,

that texting,

That face timing we women believe is connection and relationship building….

 

WELL IT’S NOT to a man.

 

We think we can build a deep, passionate, connective, emotional connection with  man and he will want to do life with us and take us seriously even if he is a thousand miles away and we only see him once a month.

 

Or he lives not that far away but we only see him one date night a week.

 

These sort of relating ideas keep separation and do not instill a desire from the man long term.

 

That is why so many women wonder,

 

“What happened?”

 

When the man they have been dating for so long all of a sudden ghosts them, disappears, or says that he wants to talk.

 

We women think,

“He must be a commitment phobe or emotionally unavailable.”

 

We hear all day long about those things.

👉👉👊The “wounded masculine.”😳😂🧐

 

 

Well, here is the thing…

 

It’s not about the wounded masculine, although that is a thing…

Most men however are actually just following their design code here and losing interest in you because they are NOT emotionally bonded with you the way that you are with them.

 

💥💥IT IS THAT SIMPLE.💥💥

 

Much like men.

Men are simple creatures.

Yes they are complex.

Yes they  have deep feelings.

Yes they are so many brilliant things.

 

But men, men are simple.

And when it comes to a man bonding to a woman,

opening his heart to her.

That means that he feels like he can TRUST her.

 

And an emotionally mature man, wants these things from a woman in order to that:

 

👊💥👉TRANSPARENCY – Its a popular word for today. Everyone talks about it but hardly anyone understands it, especially in relationship terms with an intimate partner. And if they do understand it at all, even one tenth then they may feel a bit of upset stomach… because transparency in relationship means this: If it is material to the relationship, meaning it may effect you or I, then it needs to be spoken, shared, etc.😳 And often we feel this is an embreaching on our personal boundaries and rights in relationship and that another person has no right to ask things of us or to know unless we are very committed. However, an emotionally mature person will want this from someone earlier on before they buy all the way into the relationship and commit. They will not have trust in you without it. ( men and women alike)

 

👊💥👉EMPATHY- Another hot word of our day and age. But empathy is more than just feeling someone else’s feelings, it’s also caring about their feelings. Women typically have bank accounts full of empathy when they are getting into a man,  so much so that many women become door mats to men and all they care about is how he feels.  THIS IS NOT ATTRACTIVE nor does it instill trust in your guy. He has had plenty of dealings most likely with women like you on this and he knows that it leads to blow up where the truth will come out. He does not want this! If he is truly a grown up man, he will want your truth in the moment and he will want to deal with it right there. Here comes your transparency… Other women get caught up in the contrast between their personal feelings and their guy’s feelings and they may become very entitled with their feelings, not caring about the man’s. This is because they may be bitter and resentful because of past situations and the fear and pain they still carry and have not worked through yet. This too, is NOT ATTRACTIVE or safe for the man. What a grown up man, a high value man is wanting and attracted to, what he can lean in and trust and commit to is him and his woman coming together and genuinely caring about each other’s feelings. That they both want to know where and how the other is.

 

👊💥👉YOU TAKE PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY – A high value man does not want a woman who is jaded, bitter, resentful and blaming men for where she is at in life. Just like you would not want that from him, he feels the same. And if someone is always complaining and not able to take responsibility for their part in past relationship failure and challenges, even if their partner ghosted, cheated, or abused them then they are still stuck in their wound and playing the victim. Taking responsibility for your actions, your choices and what is happening in your life is sexy and attractive.

 

👊💥👉YOU ARE A HEALTHY FIGHTER-  A grown A*s man understands that conflict will happen in intimate relationships. He knows that couples fight, but he wants to know that he can trust you even here to come from love and rock solidness with a desire to do what is right and best for the partnership not just YOU. He does not aim to be right and he will not be attracted to a woman whose mission is to prove that she is right and he is wrong.

 

👉Healthy fighting, especially in intimate relationships is about looking for happiness over rightness. 👈

 

This means that when friction comes up, you are willing to listen to your partner, be present, communicate back to them what you heard, receive any adjustments they may have, and ACCEPT that their viewpoint is true for them.

 

Then to offer your truth, being your viewpoint to them and explain anything in ease and understanding that they may have not fully grasped.

 

Then to come to a realistic agreement about the disagreement.

 

This is healthy conflict communication.

It is not about being right but standing in empathy and compassion with a desire to find happiness for both instead of rightness for one.

 

 

💥💥💥Last but not least…💥💥💥

 

 

👊💥👉YOU HAVE STANDARDS-  This means that your actions match your values. Yes YOUR ACTIONS!

Remember that men are action oriented and they need to see that they can trust you in different situations in life, physically, mentally, emotionally to have the standards of backing your values.

Your words ‘should’ just be a bi-product of your values.

Your actions need to line up to what you say you value.

If you say you value honesty, but you cannot be honest about where you want to go, what you need from him and then swallow your words around that and expect him to read your mind and get it right, only to bite his head off months later about it, then guess what… your actions DO NOT MATCH YOUR SAID VALUE.

 

It’s that simple.

If you wonder if you guy is a grown up, if he is a high value man, then this one thing is a vital key to finding out.

A “wounded masculine” or emotionally immature man will not want you to have standards. And he certainly will not like you supporting your standards/values with your actions and words.

 

 

👊👊👊BOTTOM LINE👊👊👊

 

MEN CAN GIVE THEIR BODIES AWAY FAR EASIER THAN WOMEN, BUT IT TAKES A LOT MORE SECURITY AND TRUST FOR THEM TO GIVE THEIR EMOTIONAL SIDE AND HEART.🥰

 

The whole package an emotionally and physically mature man is looking for starts with these elements in a woman, NOT being a freak in bed… not being his therapist on the phone for hours on end…not being his maid and cook… and not being his coach on the field of life.

 

As great as all of those things are and can be,

They have a time and place.

True partnership and commitment is based in trust.

 

👉👊😳All of these points I share here are a two way street ladies and gents. Gentlemen, a high value woman wants all the same from YOU!!!!

 

 

Ready to stop settling for less in love and commitment?

Want to call in that high value relationship that is actually a life long partnership?

Wanting your soulmate?

 

That’s what I specialize in, helping dynamic souls like you find love and happiness in a world that seems hopeless most days.

 

As Always,

Loving You From Here.

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

Helping dynamite powerful souls like yourself discover love and fulfilment is what my passion is. Over the last two decades I have worked with hundreds of women & men such as yourself to call in their soulmate by aligning to their truth. I have guided countless couples not to just rekindle a love that they thought was lost, but to create an empowered turned on and fully aligned partnership based in love with 8 simple steps. If you are a woman or man who is looking for happiness, love and abundance in life and is sick and tired of just getting by, reach out to me for a FREE Clarity Call today where we will define exactly what is holding you back, what you are wanting to call in and the next best steps to achieve your desired life. Message me to set up your FREE Clarity Call today.

Posted on

IS YOUR COUPLEHOOD-PRIVILEGE CAUSING ISSUES IN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS?

 

🌹👩‍❤️‍👨👉IS YOUR COUPLEHOOD-PRIVILEGE CAUSING ISSUES IN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS?

 

It should not be, but it often does in today’s world.

 

This has been a BIG topic as of late and so here I am sharing it with you. I have heard everything from,

 

“Well your kids should be your primary relationship.”

“Is sex the only thing that changes things?”

“Why does your primary relationship have to be your mate/spouse/person you are dating-living with? Why can’t it be a friend?”

“It’s not fair that you spend the majority of your time/attention focused on your husband/wife/girlfriend/boyfriend, what about us/me?”

 

And so many more statements.

I have heard it from monogamous folks, polyomourous folks, and anything inside or outside of this as well. The children, friends, secondary lovers, family members of these couples are all complaining about…

 

👉👩‍❤️‍👨COUPLEHOOD-PRIVILEGE👩‍❤️‍👨👈

 

As if it’s a bad thing.

 

I mean how dare a couple choose each other, make each other a priority, want to focus time, attention, thought on each other and design a life together where they “do life in all ways – TOGETHER.”

 

How dare they make each other PRIMARY!

 

That is so self-centered and selfish of them, right?😂🤣😂

 

Well, the world around us with its desire to strip away labels and make everyone equal and the same certainly would have you believing so, however it’s just not true.

 

I believe that this sort of mindset comes from the same lineage as the one of , “There should be no winners or losers, we are all participants here and need to be treated equally. That’s the only fair thing.”

 

Well baby, life is extremely fair no matter what, I can promise you that.

Life gives you EXACTLY what you put into it.

The problem is that our society has come into this belief that things need to be equally balanced and fair where no one gets their ‘feelings’ hurt and no one gets more of anything (including your love, attention, time in a committed relationship).

 

👉If that were so, then what the heck is the point of getting into a committed relationship?

 

👉Why even look for love or want partnership?

 

And to a great degree what we are witnessing in the dating realm these days is just this…

 

💥A RISE IN CASUAL RELATIONSHIP.💥

 

No one wants to ask of someone else their needs.

People are afraid to share their boundaries.

They don’t want to impose on anyone else, because after all what right do they have to ask anything of the person they are wanting to be intimate with, share time and space with, make plans with, have babies with, go into debt with?

 

Instead, they just stay hushed up.

And this keeps relationships casual, disconnected, superficial and empty.

 

We fear asking because we don’t want to upset the cart, but what we don’t realize is that we are upsetting our own cart.

 

We are not loving or valuing ourselves and what we need and desire in a relationship when we do not state clearly these things.

 

And yet what do we see, with all the hushing and fear, we also have a bunch of extreme vocal victim mindset people out there, first in line to point fingers and blame as to how “others” are not being fair by not being inclusive.

 

They should not be allowed to do/be/have/act in any fashion that is not okay with whomever this complaining victim person is.

 

And it shows up in relationships.

 

Recently I was working with a couple who is monogamous, the wife has a best friend that is female, they are as close as can be, like sisters. Beautiful right?

However, the wife focuses more attention, time, energy to that friendship than she does to the marriage. To her husband. And if he asks for time, a date, or even travel, the wife says, “Well what about Jenny? I told her I was going to do this or that.”

 

The husband frustrated and feeling abandoned in the relationship is on the cusp of looking outside the relationship for other intimacy. After years of this attitude from his beloved wife he is truly struggling. As one might imagine.

 

The wife will make excuses to him about the fact that her friend being single needs her, she does not  have support and companionship like a couple so the wife feels it important to take her friend out to drinks and shows, on ‘girls trips’ multiple times a year.

 

👉THIS IS NOT HEALTHY FOR THE MARRIAGE!

 

Many women get enwrapped in their female friendships.

They support their fellow women as a sister-hood and it truly is beautiful and powerful. We ladies need this.

 

The issue comes in when we make our female friendships our priority to our partnership with our spouse/ the one we are dating and committed to.

 

Simply put,

 

👊YOUR FOCUS SHOULD ALWAYS FALL TO THE ONE YOU ARE WANTING TO DO LIFE WITH.👊

 

Otherwise, you won’t be doing life with them very long. 😳

or at least it will not be happy, connected, intimate, in sync or deep.

 

People get thier booty tickled over not being primary in someone’s life, they feel as though they are just cast away and mean nothing if they are not the center of attention or getting what they deem appropriate time and energy from whomever they want it from. This happens to all of us somewhere along the line, however the emotionally mature soul will understand that we are designed to have ONE primary partner.

 

In a partnership/marriage/intimate relationship this should be the person you are committed to here. ( Monogamous or polyomourous, does not matter.) THIS person gets the majority of the time and ALL others, children, friends, family, other lovers, etc are SECONDARY.

 

Yes dear, it’s a hierarchy and it is to be such so that the primary partnership remains just that – PRIMARY AKA PRIORITY.👊💥👊

 

Putting your priorities anywhere else for very long in a committed relationship will hinder and cause major long term issues in the relationship.

 

I have heard a lot about the negativity of hierarchy in partnership/committed relationships, to be honest I don’t see an issue unless it is being used as though one partner is boss over the other. That is not a partnership to begin with. Partnership means discussions, communication is key, transparency is a must and loving self, respecting yourself enough to speak those truthful words to your partner is a requirement in a happy, healthy partnership. It only becomes an unhealthy hierarchy if one person is fearful of losing the other if they are authentically themselves. If one partner feels they need to hide, change or become something to keep the partnership then it becomes an unbalanced hierarchy.

 

But a hierarchy it still should be.

A family cannot be equal where all family members get to have equal say and rights in making decisions. If we allow our ten year old to decide on family direction then things may be lost in the land of Minecraft. If you put your financial future into the hands of your 16 year old then how well will your golden years fair? And if you just give, give, give to your children, you will exhaust yourself and only find that your children are ungrateful and expectant not understanding real life issues at all.

 

Friendships cannot overrule your partnership either.

They must be secondary. They are friendships and if you feel called to give more here than to your life partner, you might want to reevaluate your partnership, because you are obviously not committed, in love or aligned the way you once were.

 

In an open relationship, if you allow your secondary partner(s) to become the focus point of your life, they will become your primary partner and your primary partner will be gone to someone who will value them properly.

 

In ALL couplehood the “couple” is a UNIT. 

It must be that two become ONE.(the hierarchy)

Having each other’s backs or losing each other to the wolves of all the other relationships that no matter how loving and supportive those outside relationships are, have themselves in mind and at the forefront of their focused desire.

 

YOU MUST DECIDE WHAT YOUR PRIORITY IS.

Where you put your attention will show the truth.

 

Is your couplehood-privilege causing issues in your other relationships? It certainly might be with the way our world operates, but if you truly love your partner, want to do all of life with them and want to know you have each other’s backs….

 

👉Set boundaries.

👉Have difficult conversations with those asking you to give, give, give.

👉get clear on what your couplehood goals and desires are.

👉And clean your relationship house up! Don’t be afraid to take out the trash of the relationships that cannot support your couplehood-privilege or are making demands on you that can destroy the love you have with your partner.

 

As Always,

Loving you from here,

 

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

Helping dynamite powerful souls like yourself discover love and fulfilment is what my passion is. Over the last two decades I have worked with hundreds of women & men such as yourself to call in their soulmate by aligning to their truth. I have guided countless couples not to just rekindle a love that they thought was lost, but to create an empowered turned on and fully aligned partnership based in love with 8 simple steps. If you are a woman or man who is looking for happiness, love and abundance in life and is sick and tired of just getting by, reach out to me for a FREE Clarity Call today where we will define exactly what is holding you back, what you are wanting to call in and the next best steps to achieve your desired life. Message me to set up your FREE Clarity Call today.

Posted on

“ON THE MARKET” TILL YOU PUT A RING ON MY FINGER.

💍”ON THE MARKET” TILL YOU PUT A RING ON MY FINGER.

 

So some say.

How do you feel about this?

Would love to hear all the comments on this topic.

 

Recently I was privy to a conversation around “what defines couplehood?” And to my surprise (and yet not) so many men and women alike focused on the legal aspects of what makes you  a couple.

 

Making statements such as,

“How do you file your taxes? There you have your answer if you are single or a couple.”

 

“According to legal paperwork you have to fill out, ‘dating’ or ‘engaged’ is not an option for selection, so you are single unless married.”

 

“If someone passes away and you are not married then you are just considered friends no matter the time you have no rights, so you are single unless married.”

 

And so many more statements along these lines.

 

True as these statements are when looking at couplehood from a legal aspect, the question is not one of legalities unless you only value the legal and not the heart.

 

🌹💍🌹 SO WHAT DEFINES COUPLEHOOD?🌹💍🌹

 

Is it monogamy?

Exclusivity?

What about those couples who are in an open relationship? Swingers? Poly?

Are they not couples because they have agreed upon multiple partners?

 

Is it the legal aspect, a ring, an “I DO.” and a contract that binds?

What about those who are living together but have not crossed that line yet, are engaged? Or maybe don’t believe in marriage but believe in love and commitment?

 

👉🤯DO YOU CONTINUE TO SHOP FOR THE BEST MATE UNTIL A RING AND CONTRACT ARE DRAWN UP? -NO MATTER THE LIVING ARRANGEMENT, THE SPOKEN COMMITMENT, THE PLANNING?

 

And how does this equate to love and commitment?

 

Would you want to marry someone who is still shopping for the better choice even though they tell you they are in love with you?

 

Here is what one woman said, and I quote:

“Until you’re married you are single 👌

Now you may be courting, dating or in a committed relationship,

but you’re still “on the market” until you’re no longer available.”

 

Last time I looked at this thread 44 people agreed and loved this woman’s sentiment.

And maybe you are one of them.

 

I cannot help it, as polarizing as it may be to some, I strongly disagree.

 

This statement says – ” I AM NOT COMMITTED NOR IN LOVE.”

 

IF YOU WANT:

👊Commitment

👊Trust

👊Rock Solid

👊The ability to surrender to love.

 

Then baby you gotta give up the market.

 

If you count yourself “still available until paperwork and a ring” you will NEVER find the above list of vital ingredients to a strong, stable, loving relationship.

 

You will NEVER feel loved nor safe.

 

👉Because you CANNOT trust someone who is always looking for something better.👈👈👈

 

The issue with this statement is that love, one’s heart and soul, true soul connection is being ignored in the pursuit for the shiniest new object that can fill the greatest amount of earthly needs.

 

THIS LEAVES WHOMEVER YOU ARE WITH FEELING REPLACEABLE.🤯

 

Uncertainty is the foundation to lack of trust.

Which translates to lack of respect.

And no desire to open the heart.

 

This way of viewing love (if you can even call it that) is based in need alone.

 

And in my opinion after working with thousands of individuals and couples over the last almost two decades I can tell you honestly THIS is the cause of so much pain and suffering.

 

More often than not, couples come to me because they discover that they never loved their partner fully. They never felt fully aligned, or matched to them.

 

However, their partner had the money, the house, the romance, the looks, the stamina, the intelligence, was a ‘great’ guy or sweet woman… blah… blah…blah…

 

And then they find themselves one day on a trip with friends, having a few too many drinks and having an affair with the resort tennis instructor from Italy because he is the shiny new object that rocks their boat and makes them feel alive.

 

And after all, they are not married.

So they owe nothing to the person at home.

Forget the last however many years…

Forget the lifelong plans…

The goals and dreams supposedly shared.

 

OR…

 

Maybe they are married.

And, “Oops, I slipped, it won’t happen again. I drank too much.”

 

I can tell you this, no matter the agreements what defines couplehood is COMMITMENT, TRUST, TRANSPARENCY.

 

And above all else LOVE.

 

And when you are really  in love with someone,

you have zero desire to dilute that  love with outside influences.

You see the beauty in the mirror of your partner.

You respect them, honor them, appreciate them and realize that communication, authenticity and a desire to make your relationship rock solid is priority.

 

YOU ARE NOT LOOKING FOR SOMETHING BETTER.

 

💍Ring or no ring…

It Doesn’t matter.

 

Although it may to those in your life.

 

🤯Perhaps your family and friends will not honor, respect or see the relationship as committed UNLESS there is a ring and a contract signed?

 

🤯Perhaps you will find yourself always fighting off the wolves who want to test your commitment until they see that there is a “REAL” boundary there?

 

All that matters however, is how you define couplehood.

How do you view love?

Commitment?

What are your values around relationships?

 

If you are with someone and still looking for something better, but holding onto them because “something is better than nothing” then at very least BE REAL with the one you are with and tell them that this is how you feel.

 

Give them the option to hang with you while you explore or to find someone who will want them for them and match their needs/wants/desires in a relationship that’s aligned to their soul.

 

👊👊CAUSE BABY, IT AIN’T TRUE LOVE NOR YOUR SOULMATE CONNECTION IF YOU ARE STILL OPEN TO THE MARKET.👊👊

 

And I share that from personal experience. 🙄

 

👉Ready to get real and call in that soulmate love that makes you want for no other?

 

👉Sick and tired of feeling like love is fleeting and something that is not possible to hold on to?

 

👉Looking for the one who makes your heart and soul soar but uncertain how to identify if he/she is the one?

 

Helping dynamite powerful souls like yourself discover love and fulfilment is what my passion is. Over the last two decades I have worked with hundreds of women & men such as yourself to call in their soulmate by aligning to their truth. I have guided countless couples not to just rekindle a love that they thought was lost, but to create an empowered turned on and fully aligned partnership based in love with 8 simple steps. If you are a woman or man who is looking for happiness, love and abundance in life and is sick and tired of just getting by, reach out to me for a FREE Clarity Call today where we will define exactly what is holding you back, what you are wanting to call in and the next best steps to achieve your desired life. Message me to set up your FREE Clarity Call today.

 

As Always,

 

Stop Existing & Start Living

 

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

Posted on

WHAT MAKES A MAN BEAUTIFUL…

🌹MY MAN IS BEAUTIFUL AND I TELL HIM ALL THE TIME…🌹

 

I recall the first time I told my man that he was beautiful, he looked at me and cocked his head to the side and said, “Huh?” with a smirk on his face of love as he allowed himself to absorb what I had said.

 

I just looked at him softly and said it again,

“You are beautiful.”

 

With the second time his eyes became glossy,

his skin started to radiate a golden glow,

there was a light that came from him,

that was there but was expanded as he felt the love between us and the love in his own heart that he constituted for love that he had for me.

 

And true as that was, this love that was bringing forth emotion of great mass to his eyes as I could watch his heart flutter and stir with  his desire and passion, this love was more for himself than for me.

 

It is his love of himself that allows him to love me so deeply.

It is his acceptance of self that allows him to accept me fully.

It is his desire for health, for stability, and alignment in life, with soul and source that allows him to achieve these things with me and co-create a mature unconditional loving relationship like none I have ever experienced before.

It is his passion to live, to embrace all of life and enjoy its sweetest delicate moments that allows him to see those moments that are often missed in relationships in our commitment to each other.

 

👊👊👊HE LEADS. 👊👊👊

 

He leads our relationship just as if we were on the dance floor of life.

 

For you see, the feminine cannot lead.

The feminine in our greatest power must flow,

must be fluid and able to twirt through life in creativity.

Our purpose at our core as women in creation.

 

We are master creators.

Master manifestors.

Life births through us. 👼

And with it all the blessings that a sacred union can ever hope for.

But these blessings are not possible if the masculine  is not certain in who he is at his core nor what his direction is.

 

I relate a lot to the dance floor.

💃Especially ballroom dancing. 💃

 

I believe that any woman that believes  that she should be leading the relationship and is irritated at her man being the leader needs to do a few things…

 

👉Ask herself why she is with him if she does not support his agenda?

👉Ask herself if she trusts him and if not why?

👉 Inquire deeper to find out within herself who she believes should hold the greatest power in the relationship?

👉Ask herself if she wants to co-create the relationship and if so what does that actually look and feel like to her?

 

 

🌹🌹🌹 And depending on what she comes up with from these prompts, if she wants to make the relationship last forever and go deeper in love and trust, then to ask her man to go ballroom dancing or take lessons. 🌹🌹🌹

 

A few years back I was taking ballroom dancing,

and I was shocked at how horrible a lead so many men were.

It was quite sad in truth.

 

As I danced (and mind you I am far from a good dancer in my opinion) I noticed that many men would be too soft with me. They were scared almost to really take the lead and be firm in their stance. They could not hold the container nor pull me back into them. Causing my flow to  be greatly disrupted.

I found that I was stumbling, missing many dance positions, did not feel safe to sway and did not feel held in the chasses.

 

AND THERE WAS ABSOLUTELY NO EFFING WAY THAT I COULD SURRENDER TO THESE MEN DIPPING  ME !

 

Why?

Simple….

 

I could not trust them.

A strong feminine cannot truly lean and trust a weak masculine.

In order for a woman to surrender her heart to man she must trust him and trust in his leadership or she will not be able to surrender.

 

TRUST COMES FROM RESPECT.

 

It is based in respect that it is.

And who can respect wishy-washy?

 

Well most certainly not the feminine.

Many women attempt to “fall” for these soft men,

but they do so because they themselves are dominant in the masculine and all relationships depend on polarities.

Someone must be true north and someone must be true south.

 

Masculine and feminine.

Yin and yang.

 

Often in modern day relationships, we see more the feminine acting in the leadership role and wondering why they are so harsh, lost, discontented, aloof and unorgasmic.

 

This happens because their man is soft.

he cannot lead because he himself does not  know how,

is afraid to step up and do so,

AND because  often she will not allow him to.

 

Believing that by handing over the leadership reigns to her man that she gives up power instead of understanding the harmonic balance of yin and yang and how this is co-creation of their relationship where they each support one another through their own unique organic strengths as man and woman.

 

A man who can lead is beautiful

 

A man that can feel into his heart and lead from this space is radiant.

 

When I look into the eyes of my man and I see all his love for himself,

for me and our life that we build each day together,

I marvel at his brilliance.

 

He allows me to feel how deeply he wants to be with me.

How intensely he wants the best for our life, our union.

He shows me in his look of surrender to me through his leadership that I can trust him, he is certain in his boundaries, his direction is clear and he knows what he wants.

 

I can trust this. 

 

I can trust him because he is this strong leader.

And he acts out of a deep divine love that he lets me see in tender moments when his heart erupts with great intensity.

 

I can trust him, because I choose to surrender to his leadership and let him conquer me so that we can rule our world together.

 

He chose me for this very reason.

And I him.

 

I ask you today, reader of this page…

 

Are you ready to surrender to love and step away from the blindness based in fear of losing power by uniting with your soulmate?

 

Will you keep fighting to me the masculine my sweet woman and wake each morning wanting to ravished but scared of losing your power in allowing it to happen?

 

If you are a woman who wants depth, connection, commitment and that soulmate union but has not found it and fears losing herself in the wrong man, then reach out to me beautiful..

 

Let’s do the deep dive into who you are and what you want so that you can once and for all align and call in the man of your dreams.

 

Message me today.

 

As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

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COMMITMENT DOES NOT CARE ABOUT YOUR “FEELINGS.”

👊COMMITMENT DOES NOT CARE ABOUT YOUR “FEELINGS.”😳

 

“But Kendal my feelings matter.

If I am not feeling him then there must be something wrong in the relationship. Maybe he is the problem?

Maybe he is not being present with me?

 

What am I to do when he makes me feel anxious, scared, unsettled, fearful of losing him?

 

He separates from me and acts angry or irritated by me?

He puts up his armour and closes down, thus shuts me out and that triggers me. He should understand what he is doing to me. “

 

OMFG! my beautiful queens out there.

This sort of mindset and “feelings” is not of a QUEEN. 💃👑

They are of a woman who is handing over all her power to the ebbs and flows of being human and allowing herself to get triggered by such.

 

You talk of “owning your own shiz” yet you constantly point out how the world, ESPECIALLY your man is triggering you and not showing up for you how you need.

How best supports your “feelings.”

 

You say that you are strong,

that you are empowered,

that you are wanting to lean into him and have a partnership,

a lifelong love story.

Yet there you are wondering if it will hold and questioning every little hiccup.

👉YOU👈 are allowing, and I might go so far as to bolding say, you are inviting your old lovers, husbands, boyfriends, relationships and daddy issues and wounds into your love story.

 

In other words beautiful queen 👑…

You are looking for the gotchas!

 

Now, don’t get me wrong here.

Being aware about the red flags that can certainly fly is vitally important when you are starting a relationship and even a few years in.

No matter where you are in a relationship, if things change for no known reason and your man starts to act drastically different, then yeah PAY ATTENTION.  👀💥

Be aware and don’t let those rose tinted glasses mask potential major issues.

 

But here is the trouble my luv,

and what I see so often in couplehood of today,

We women are sewing red flags or pulling them out of old relationships hands and then trying to get our man to hold them and claim them as his own.

 

We are attempting to manifest old shiz into TODAY.

And for some crazy reason, we accept these false flags as reality.

 

We proclaim that they are real because of the way that we “feel.”🤨

 

WE GET CAUGHT UP IN OUR EMOTIONS, OUR FEELINGS AND FORGET REALITY.

 

We quickly overlook and side step everything that he is doing.

How he is showing up for us.

How his actions and words align.

And we point our fingers in fear to things that might be out of humanly control, or are simply just responses to stress, irritation, outside sources that have zero to do with our relationship or may cause threat in his eyes.

 

We want the knight in shining armour.

We want him to show up.

We want him to have our back and love us unconditionally.

But we have been taught that his protective nature is dangerous and controlling.

To steer away from men like that.

That these sort of men view women as property.

 

👉💃👑Here is the thing my beautiful queen…👈💃👑

 

He is a man.

His primal nature is there and if he is being true to himself,

then he MUST honor that primal nature.

He must “feel” that protective nature.

He must allow himself to be on the defense and ready for anything.

He must be linear in his thinking AND if you as his queen are to RESPECT him then you must get on board with all his masculine needs to be a man and lead his course the way that he knows best.

 

Not sayin’ that you “yes sir” him by any means.

That is not respect.

That is getting along,

that is being a peacekeeper at all cost,

that is not standing in your own power.

 

But what I am saying is to recognize that if you are with a man and he is accepting and loving of himself then he will most likely NOT give a crap about what the outside world says is right or not and he will be acting from his core and on purpose with the best interest of you, the relationship and himself.

 

And you my beautiful queen,

will often feel threatened by his leadership because you have been raised to believe that the massculine is unsafe.

You feel like he is trying to control you.

Rule you even.

 

This is where you have to come back to knowing yourself,

knowing him and being willing to look at how he is truly showing up.

 

And guess what…

 

If he is a wise man he will be doing all of this and more with you as well. He wants your love, that is for sure. He wants to feel your heart. He wants you to feel safe with him. He wants you to desire him because you want him not because of what he offers you.

 

💥But more than all this,

He wants your respect and acceptance. 👀💥

 

This is shown mainly through your commitment to him.

 

👊AND COMMITMENT DOES NOT CARE ABOUT YOUR “FEELINGS.”👊

 

It takes discipline to commit.

Commit to your heart and soul.

Commit to love.

Commit to honor.

Commit to show up.

Commit to open your eyes and look past your fear and wounds.

Commit to not let your fleeting triggers destroy your love story.

Commit to him even when he is having a human moment.

Commit to him even when your “feelings” say “how dare he make me feel this way.”

 

You want to own your own shiz beautiful queen?

Well there ya’ go!

 

Have the discipline to commit to your love story and actually realize that it will require you make a stand in the face of everything and everyone else that you:

 

👑Want him.

👑Support him.

👑Love him.

👑Accept him.

👑Respect him.

👑Choose him.

 

That choice is a daily decision.

Do you get that?

You have to choose him, choose love, choose connection, choose to commit to the process of having a lifelong partnership and storybook love.

 

It will require work.

On you beautiful queen.

 

And it will require you to stop allowing yourself to be misguided by your “feelings” and “moods”.

 

Love is not a mood.

It is a commitment.

 

💃Are you truly ready to make that commitment and do the work required?

 

💃Perhaps it is time you asked yourself why you want to have a relationship and be in love anyway?

 

👊👊👊80%+ of modern “love based” relationships are based in needing validation.👊👊👊

 

“I need you to love me so that I can love myself and know I have value in this world.”

 

THIS IS NOT LOVE!

This is need.

 

Time to get clear on what you are wanting.

Not wanting.

And who you are.

 

Time to deep dive and heal your trauma my beautiful queen so you can write the love story that your soul desires once and for all.

 

Are you ready?

 

As Always,

 

Stop Existing & Start Living

 

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers

 

Helping dynamite powerful souls like yourself discover love and fulfilment is what my passion is. Over the last two decades I have worked with hundreds of women & men such as yourself to call in their soulmate by aligning to their truth. I have guided countless couples not to just rekindle a love that they thought was lost, but to create an empowered turned on and fully aligned partnership based in love with 8 simple steps. If you are a woman or man who is looking for happiness, love and abundance in life and is sick and tired of just getting by, reach out to me for a FREE Clarity Call today where we will define exactly what is holding you back, what you are wanting to call in and the next best steps to achieve your desired life. Message me to set up your FREE Clarity Call today.

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HOW TO MAKE YOUR MAN CRAVE YOU FOREVER + COMMIT.

 

HOW TO MAKE YOUR MAN CRAVE YOU FOREVER + COMMIT.

 

My man makes me juicy hot without even trying, but it’s not him. It’s what I do to him to get him to crave me in such a powerful way. 

 

I love when my partner looks at me with a smile of appreciation and desire in his eye. 

The look in his eyes and on his face ignites my soul and makes me feel like a queen. 

His queen. Like the only woman on the planet.

 

I love when my guy walks up from behind me and grabs ahold of my waist, pulls my hair back and kisses my neck. When he breathes me in.

 

I love when he loses his presence in what I am saying or his work because he got caught up in my radiance and his heart and he can do nothing but sit in awe.

 

I love that he messages me how he misses me. 

Did not want to leave for the day.

How he desires forever.

I love how he takes me fiercely in our lovemaking, how he leads in passion and asks for my surrender through him.

 

And I am reminded by all of this and more that when we have found the right person they will meet us and mirror us and when they are not the right partner we will feel used, off balance in some way. 

 

That feeling of coming home. 

Men and women alike crave just that. 

Completion. 

A homecoming that our soul knows can only truly be accomplished in the union with a true partner for our lives. That one that we cannot see past. That we want to make plans for thousands of years because we cannot ever seem to get enough of them.

 

But what stirs the creation of this craving?

What creates a foundation of a feeling of “home” that makes a man want to go deep and commit?

 

I am sure you have heard of the four A’s when it comes to human personality and needs in a relationship, these four A’s however for men are all the more important. 

 

How the A’s Make Your Man Crave and Commit to You: 

 

Attention – This one might seem needy to the modern woman, because we are not attracted to anyone who demands a ton of attention in our busy lives. Who wants to be the center stage character in ALL aspects of our lives. After all we are mothers, boss babes, mompreneurs, sisters, daughters, and besties. We have our obligations to so many, so we want support in our intimate relationship from a strong man who can take care of himself. He needs us, yes, but he doesn’t want us to coddle him.  What I refer to by the word attention doesn’t refer to this emotionally immature man though, I am saying that attention means to be present. Your presence in the relationship is worth gold. When you are together with your man, from the earliest dating moments, give him your undivided attention. Not your phone. Not the world around you. Stay present there with him in your thoughts. Realize that all the men of your past often travel with you into your new relationships, all those that have ever let you down and scorned you are yelling in your ear while you are on this date, in this moment with this great guy. Your fears and concerns, your hopes and desires are all there wanting their time on your mental and emotional stage. To be present with a man means to stay THERE IN THE CURRENT MOMENT with him and him alone. Most people are rarely present because they are worried about past or concerned about the future, add in a social media ding and you my beauty are not present.  – Such a turn off!!!!

 

Affection – Yes human touch! We need conscious (present) touch at least six times a day for mental health. The majority of us don’t get this. We get and give touch, but we don’t actually experience positive touch. Wanted. On both sides. There is a lot of assumed touch. And this armours us up. Men and women alike, making it where we believe that we don’t like it or need it, however even the most resistant man desires affection. A present small gesture can mean the world. I know for me and my relationship, I am always aware as to how my body is turned. Am I turned to my man or not? Is my body language open or closed to him? If I am too far away or something is in the way of our closeness, I move it or myself to get closer. I reach out and touch my man’s foot with mine. My knee to his leg. I grab ahold of his arm with my hand and I firmly let him know that I am there, that I want him in my touch. My touch is far more in your face these days than when we were just starting out, but even back then I looked for opportunities to touch him. And when we hug and kiss, just hold each other (past and present) I take a breath and slow down. I get presents with him when we are coming together. I want him to feel me and I desire to feel him.

 

Appreciation – I have worked with possibly thousands of men at this point in my career and the one thing that so many divorced men have shared with me or men who were in a serious committed relationship in some fashion shared with me about their major disappointments, were centered around the feeling that all their efforts in the relationship and with their woman were not seen or appreciated. They consistently felt like yeah she may have said, “thank you,” but it was mute to what was needed. Appreciation, gratitude for someone thinking about the little things, for wanting to make life better, for working their a*s off, and so much more. One of the things I do with couples frequently is an Appreciation Game where I have each partner share appreciation for a set time frame and the other partner just sits in silence and receives. Take it in. Such a simple exercise, yet we hardly stop in our busy lives to appreciate each other. We think things but we do not communicate them. Taking a moment here and there to acknowledge the good of our partners is a game changer. We take the time all too frequently to tell them what is wrong with them, their errors and our complaints and we believe that our complaining will get us the results we desire, when in truth, if we focus on the good we will encourage more of what we want. It’s all energy baby! Where attention goes, energy flows. 

 

Acceptance – THIS ONE I cannot share enough with all the beautiful ladies in the house. We women really suck at this and we should not. We should get this because what do we women want? To be accepted. We want to be really seen, heard and appreciated for just who we are, not for what we do for someone or how they want us to be. Yet, over and over again we ladies get into commitment with a guy based on the man that we see he can become not who he is. Men want for us women to never change, they fall in love with who we are RIGHT NOW and sometimes that can be unreasonable because life enforces change, it is the one true constant, but if we get into relationship wanting our partner to be something that they are not, then we are saying,” I don’t appreciate who you are, love who you are, accept you as you are. You are not enough as you are but I will settle with the hope that you will become what I want.” – YUCK! Let me just gag myself right now. Granted I have been guilty of this, if I look at my partner today and truly though that I wanted him to be anything other than who he is, I would only be damning my relationship. I would be looking past him to create something else instead of looking at him with a heart full of amazement in how lucky I am, how grateful I am for him being the man that he is RIGHT NOW! I want nothing more, although as our lives evolve and we build our future together we each will change, this is certain. Our growth can only be together though if we each love each other in all our faults and beauty as we are fully in the now, not hoping for change but receiving each other as is. This one thing means the universe to most men. Acceptance. Men in general do not feel accepted in life. Our societal evolution has stolen from the masculine a right of passage, what being a man IS. Our males are lost in our world because they are condemned by their natural primal nature and desires and told that they are not healthy nor good and they have not been provided leadership as to what an emotionally mature man is like. When we queens look at our men with total acceptance and tell them how we see them, feel them and appreciate them, their armoured masculine hearts melt into love.

 

There are many things that make a man crave a woman and want to commit to her. 

These four A’s are paramount however. 

The other major contributing factors to get a man to crave and commit would be: 

 

Respect – The lack of respect is what makes the majority of relationships fall apart and not be able to go the distance. Often things from our past or our current create a disrespect. The only way that we can establish respect when it is not there in some area is to address it head on. If our partner is doing something that hinders our ability to respect them fully then we MUST come out to them about it and request for a behaviour change and share what is coming up for us around it. Remember that each individual in the relationship has a right to ask for what they need in the relationship, once requested it is up to the other as to what they will do with the request and how to best serve themselves and the relationship. No matter what the response is we then are given the option to either accept our partner’s choice or to walk away. If the behaviour change that we are asking to be shifted is non-negotiable to us then we have to understand that and do what is right for us. Thus right for the relationship. The only way we can ever respect another is to first respect ourselves, our boundaries and our needs. 

Emotional Maturity – I have been preaching a lot about this lately because it is vitality important and the reality is that the majority of men and women alike lack emotional maturity. Being an adult in our relationships and in life is sexy AF! In order to become it one must apply daily focus on self-growth, love and evolution. Wanting to take responsibility for their own feelings, emotions, actions and life and understanding how powerful that truly is. 

 

Variety – Can you imagine eating at the same restaurant every day, three times a day for the rest of your life? That sounds like a miserable hamster wheel in my opinion and life gives us enough of the hamster wheel in itself between work, responsibilities, family and such. What we are looking for in partnership and relationship is a feeling of certainty, trust, “home” but also blended nicely with uncertainty. Men love a woman who is willing to invest herself into the relationship and help create variety. This translates to being playful, flirty, and spontaneous. Be willing and wanting to explore new things together both inside and outside the bedroom, even take it upon yourself to initiate something new or set up an adventure date. Don’t always demand that he lead on everything. Men are attracted and appreciative to our creativity and forwardness as well. 

 

Sovereignty – As much as he wants to be your knight in shining armour and save you… he also wants to know that you can carry yourself and have his back all in the same. He adores, respects and craves the woman who takes responsibility for her own happiness, emotions and life but chooses to have him by her side and  build a life together. The right man does not want you to give your power away to him but wants to lift you up so you can fly higher. An emotionally mature man knows that this means that you do not need him to feel worthy, loved or happy and he does not need you for that either. Two complet and strong individuals who have chosen to unite and become stronger in their home with each other. – Now that’s hawt AF!

 

Exude Radiance – Yesterday I was having a  crappy day. I felt pathetic and useless. I did not feel radiant and strong, yet my partner grabbed me in one moment, looked at with his tender loving penetrative look and smiled. I asked what he was smiling at and he responded, “ You are glowing. Even though you are not happy today, you are still glowing.” Radiance is in our energy. It encompasses all of our being and it even shines through on gloomy days. A woman who is truly radiant is so because even on bad days she is aligned to her soul. She accepts and loves herself and knows that all of her and her emotions are perfect. Her heart leads her and her man can see this in her actual energy. Her eyes, smile, hair, walk, the way she moves and breathes. This ignites him at a deep primal level and makes him want her all the more.So stop letting your energy be benign and bland.  REALITY most women don’t radiate, they mask and attempt to create fake shine.

 

Getting a man to crave you and commit truly just means that you have come fully into who you are and aligned to your soul. You trust your heart. You receive yourself in all your messiness and glory. And you are not afraid to say no to any relationship that does not match who you are at your core just to settle for not being alone. 

 

That soulmate man of yours beautiful, he is looking for all the same that you are and if you want him to find you and reveal himself then it is up to you to do the same for yourself first.

As Always, 

Stop Existing & Start Existing

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Helping dynamite powerful women like yourself discover love and fulfilment is what my passion is. Over the last two decades I have worked with hundreds of women such as yourself to call in their soulmate by aligning to their truth. I have guided countless couples not to just rekindle a love that they thought was lost, but to create an empowered turned on and fully aligned partnership based in love with 8 simple steps. If you are a woman who is looking for happiness, love and abundance in life and is sick and tired of just getting by, reach out to me for a FREE Clarity Call today where we will define exactly what is holding you back, what you are wanting to call in and the next best steps to achieve your desired life. Message me to set up your FREE Clarity Call today.

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UNICORN & SNOWFLAKE MEN – WHAT WOMEN THEY WANT, BUT WON’T RESPECT.

 

UNICORN & SNOWFLAKE MEN – WHAT WOMEN THINK THEY WANT, BUT WON’T RESPECT.

 

And that is what it all comes down to. 

RESPECT.

Maybe I am a bad, bad, girl who just is not consciousness enough or done as deep of a dive as I need into my own inner work to be able to respect, surrender and thus really unite in love with one of these sacred space holding, cacao ceremony, “spiritual” dudes who is what we can call the modern gentlemen. 

The nice guy. 

The guy that “respects” (by kissing her booty and letting her be the man) a woman and let’s her be powerful because he knows that we are all equal. 

 

Lordy, let’s just f-cking get real here. 

Ladies and unicorn snowflake, woke divine masculine men….

WE ARE NOT ALL EQUAL!

 

Women are powerful. 

And should be accepted as such. 

But men are powerful too…

And should be accepted as such. 

However, we are powerful in different ways.

Think ying/yang.

 

Today’s world is emasculating men.

 

And men are not happy or healthy because of this depolarization. 

Women are far from happy and emotionally drained because of it. 

 

Yesterday I wrote some on this topic, focused on how we women want a sensitive man but only sensitive to what we want him to be. This epidemic of conscious, woke, divine real men that is turning our men into something that we women cannot respect nor trust. Which stirred quite the convo between my man and I.  This morning while brushing our teeth and getting ready for the day he looks at me and says, “You know I just recently learned that women like you want a masculine man. I have looked at what I see as a strong woman and been frustrated. Believing that a strong, conscious woman who knows herself appears to want one of these unicorn “woke” men who always smiles, has the right things to say and keeps his masculine primal at bay. I can do the yoga. I can meditate. I can do my own inner work. I can be conscious. But I cannot put down my primal instinct and I did not believe that I could be my primal self and have my warrior queen, too.”

 

Linda Liv Doktar, I guess was in the same mood as myself yesterday, because my guy then asked me, “did you see what Linda posted?”

 

Nope, I was caught up with my private clients yesterday and some self-care things, plus rushing back to my man. 

Well, I read Linda’s post and I was laughing while saying, “Yes! – Yes! -Yes!”

A woman who desires a primal man. 

Gets what is required for us powerful warrior queens who are always turned on, activated in life, hustling in our self-made success stories and keeping harmony and balance to our full and thriving lives. That sort of woman cannot hang with the blokes who want to kiss our a*ses. 

 

My sun rises and sets in my man’s hands because he is not afraid to man-handle me. 

Meaning he knows how to stand in my fire. 

He knows how to lead me. 

He is not fearful of me. 

He let’s me feel him fully in his energy, his thoughts, his feelings. 

And of course in the bedroom.

He does not hide his primal, protective, fierce nature from me. 

ANYWHERE.

And that makes me weak in the knees. 

Much like Linda said in her share, “I want to be dominated and told what to do.” 

Matter a fact, I need that for my own well-being and ability to surrender my deepest self to life and to my man. A woman simply cannot surrender her deepest self however to a man that is wishy washy, wearing the best societal mask of the moment and trying to say all the “right” things. I need to know that I can trust my man to be honest with me. 

I need to see that he is not afraid to take initiative and set a direction. 

I need to know that he trusts his own words and actions. 

And I require a man who knows how to dominate me in his love, protection, primal energy and leadership. 

 

So he better f-cking know who he is and where he is going in life. 

Or I will not follow. 

I will not respect. 

I will not trust.

And he will not hold my heart. 

 

I have been in all too many relationships with these men who are “woke” who are “sensitive to the feminine” and that’s as far as they made it with me. 

 

Some sort of relationship. 

I also felt the need to set them in their place about the reality that they would NEVER have a partnership with me.

 

I knew from the first moments that I could not respect them to the level required for me to become their life partner and give myself over to them. I could not trust their “sweet” ways to hold me safe and lead with certainty. I knew I could drop them to their knees with my own dominance and make them crumble if I wanted. 

 

That’s not leadership. 

And you know what?

In studies it has been shown that 74% of men would rather be alone in their lives instead of feeling disrespected. 

 

This is because to a man, a primal man who is on purpose and is not fearful of his own energy or his woman, he views respect and love as equal. They are the same and you cannot have one without the other. 

 

THIS is why men are so powerfully attracted to some women, will do anything for these women, and commit to her fully. When a woman knows how to trigger feelings of respect and admiration in her man, he will surrender his heart to her.

 

So many women however, have no clue how to make use of the principle of respect to create this unfair advantage in making themselves irresistibly attractive and commitment worthy to the right men.

 

Thus creating the space for repetitive heartbreak and suffering when it comes to love. 

Now I could go on and on about this topic, and most likely will keep writing on it over time, but for today let me be very clear with you lovies….

 

If you are a woman who wants to feel safe in her relationship. 

Wants to stop questioning if her guy is really into her or if he loves you.

Wants to know that he wants and will commit to you.

Wants to rope the moon for you as well as ravish you in every way you desire. 

And wants to stop your fear of when he will leave…

 

Then hear me now…

 

Get the consulting needed on the fine art of respect. 

Through respect we women can seduce, open and commit the right man to us. 

He will not be the man that is depolarized to be more feminine than masculine. 

You will have to actually want his masculine and see how you as a strong woman who is always taking care of business needs his strength to get you out of your head and fully embodied into who you are in heart, soul and sex. But once you get a taste of the yumminess of what this primal masculine does for you and how he supports with his rock solid love, respect and honor of not just you, but himself and the partnership you will scratch your head in bewilderment of why you chose to spend all those years ditzing around with men who have no clue how to lead the feminine. 

 

And are not worthy of your warrior queen heart and soul. 

 

Want to learn the secrets of becoming a seductress through learning the art of respect with a primal man?

 

Are you tired of thinking your relationship with a guy is going really great only to have him grow cold and distant overnight and ghost you?

 

Tired of the endless cycle of heartbreak and questioning why you cannot find a man who is trustworthy and committed?

 

That’s what I helped countless beautiful women such as yourself do over the last almost two decades. Find their soulmate!

And it’s now your time, don’t you agree?

Reach out to me in comments or private message now about my 6-weeks to Soulmate Love Private Mentoring Summer 2021 Sesh and get $500 off with code word RESPECT.

 

As Always, 

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”