My friend says to me, “Men just don’t want me the way they want you. I see the way he looks at you in such love and desire and I hear his commitment to you. I want to be that woman that commands a man’s adoration and commitment, but I am not. I am just a plaything to men.”
For years I have had clients and friends watch my romantic relationship, my dating game and now they see my partnership and how my man looks at me, desires me and appreciates me as well as our commitment to each other and they want to know why it is possible? What am I doing that attracts, opens and commits a man in this way? I recall one female client many years back sitting down at her consult, clenching her hands and looking at me full of anxiety as she spouted out, “Teach me to be like you.”
Through the years I have inquired with men about what it is that attracts them, what they are wanting in a relationship and what makes a woman worth commitment instead of just being a plaything?
What I have discovered is pretty amazing.
Men don’t want much….lol
Playful, flirty, sexy but not slutty, nurturing but not controlling, independant, confident, emotionally mature, good chemistry, shared values, and a blendable lifestyle.
But don’t we women want the same in truth?
When we look at dating which should lead us to relationship and then to partnership of some sort or another we often get caught up in chemistry. We base our connection just on this factor and we dismiss how important all these other factor are yet for us women, when we want to not be perceived just as a one night stand or something that is fleeting to a man we need to get very clear on how we are presenting ourselves and how strong in who we are and knowing ourselves. I watch women of all ages panic if they are sexy or not and they struggle with what sexy is, how to become it forgetting that true sexiness is founded in self-love, acceptance and confidence in your own skin. It has absolutely nothing to do with how much skin you are showing, how you bat your eyes or twirl your hair, pop your booty out or how much make up you wear, let alone what you say or your tone. Although these things, when done by a woman who knows herself and appreciates her own beauty and body without the need to have confirmation from any outside source certainly are arousing. But here is the thing about sexiness and what men adore. Men love watching a woman feel good in her own skin. That is why men love “giving women pleasure,” it’s a beautiful sight to just see the authentic state of pleasure. It’s captivating.
So what a man is idealing wanting is a woman who loves herself and is confident.
Confidence and self-love and acceptance support not only our sexiness, but also support our ability to be playful, light hearted and flirty in relationship and life without any of it coming across forced.
Which sadly is the main issue that so many women have.
A forced demeanor.
A forced image.
They are scared to be playful or simply don’t even know what playful or flirty mean or how to become it naturally, just like they don’t understand what sexiness is or confidence let alone being independent.
Women today believe that being confident and independent means they have to prove they don’t need a man. They have to show how strong they are on their own, which leads them to make statements like, “ I don’t like a needy man who wants to text or talk all the time.” or “ I want to enjoy a relationship with a man but he better respect that I have my work, business or kids that come first.” Drawing a line in the sand from the earliest of moments to make it clear that he will only get “this allotted space” in her life and no more, all the while wondering why the man will not commit or take her seriously. This form of confidence and independence leves zero room for relationship and what women don’t get about men is that at their very core they want and need to be needed. Valued. For all of time until recent years, men have always proven themselves worthy of a woman by providing value. It is difficult for a man to believe that a woman just wanting him will last long term, so he must have something more stable to commit to which is his value or purpose. Today’s men struggle with value and purpose in their lives and especially in relationships. So a woman who can be confident and independent but still chooses to need a man and value him instantly gains attraction and commitment from him. Blend this with a playful attitude and ability to be flirty with her man, builds a strong sexiness that is uncompromisable.
An emotionally mature man who has done his own inner work wants a woman who is there for him in many ways. He wants to know that she has his back just like he has hers, meaning that she can be nurturing without enabling his bad habits. He does not desire to be controlled nor controlled in the relationship but to have mutual respect and support in the relationship. This shows up through an early ability to show empathy in the relationship. Not the sort of empathy that you may think where you get overly caught up in how someone else feels, but more so about the fact that you care how they are feeling and how you, yourself are feeling which leads to communication, inquiry and transparency.
For a man to want to commit and have an unwavering attraction for a woman, he needs to know she is vulnerable and able to surrender to him and the relationship. Sure he wants the hot sex and intimacy that comes from it, the surrender that a woman can give in it but even more so he is looking for this feeling of trust and shared goals or vision that only comes forth when he identifies that they have similar values, can see that their lifestyles can blend well, and that he can trust her to invest her heart, soul, mind and time into the relationship by being a woman of her word. Backing her words with action, being consistent in who she reveals herself to be and what her ideas are and not hiding. A man who is looking for commitment wants transparency and consistency so that he can be certain in his decision of “she is the one.”
We women tend to get triggered by old wounds and relationships, allow our fear and negative self-talk to run amuck therefore we appear flighty, uncertain, unaware, manipulative and insecure often. Leading us back to the forced ways and attempting to be what we perceive as sexy, playful, flirty, confident and independent. Making agreements with men that are not truly in alignment with us out of fear of losing yet another “great guy” because we are not good enough.
The exciting truth is that all we women ever have to do to become worthy of a committed and loving man is to fall in love with ourselves and accept who we are. Do the inner work required to truly get right with ourselves and know our core, then come from this place to embody our own organic sexy feminine.
Want to learn the secrets of becoming a seductress to call in your soulmate?
Are you tired of thinking your relationship with a guy is going really great only to have him grow cold and distant overnight and ghost you?
Tired of the endless cycle of heartbreak and questioning why you cannot find a man who is trustworthy and committed?
That’s what I helped countless beautiful women such as yourself do over the last almost two decades. Find their soulmate!
And it’s now your time, don’t you agree?
Reach out to me in comments or private message now about my 6-weeks to Soulmate Love Private Mentoring Summer 2021 Sesh and get $500 off with code word RESPECT.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”