I struggle deeply with anxiety, depression, procrastination, a fear of success and being worthy of what I want to achieve and provide.

I battle myself daily, fighting for some strange reason to hold tight to the beliefs and programs that I have bought into for the last forty-seven-years of my life, that limit me from being, having and doing everything that I crave to do at my deepest soul level.

Over the last decade I have been in a constant state of transformation in one way or another.

Learning from each step I take on this path that I cannot see clearly before me. But keep walking forward on in faith.

The last three-years however, I have pressed myself up under the avalanche of fear in ways that I have never allowed myself to be buried by before, creating exhaustion, physical illness, a breakdown of my physical bodyโ€™s strength, flexibility, & mobility plus a whole host of other issues that has created a state of utter detachment from life and my world like I used to have.

My lesson here among many, is that pain after a time frame causes us to go numb.

We lose the ability or even desire to feel emotionally at the depths that we once did, we turn away willingly to pleasure, joy, connection and abundance.

And we begin to settle into what we feel is our โ€œ๐–“๐–Š๐–œ ๐–˜๐–™๐–†๐–™๐–Š ๐–”๐–‹ ๐–“๐–”๐–—๐–’.โ€

We start to live by the concept of ACCEPTANCE is where itโ€™s at โ€” be happy with what you have and what you have been given.

Except this sort of acceptance leads to a state of complacency in life, and ๐•”๐• ๐•ž๐•ก๐•๐•’๐•”๐•–๐•Ÿ๐•”๐•ช ๐•œ๐•š๐•๐•๐•ค!

Here we not only make friends with our resistance to saying F-ck Yes! to our dreams and joy, but we fully jump the fence and get into bed with this resistance believing that this is just who we are and how our lives have to be โ€” so it is!

This state of โ€œISโ€ is where we truly f-ck up our lives and let ourselves be conquered by our worst nightmares and fears.


So much so that when itโ€™s brought to our attention in any little way, we find ourselves unconsciously triggered and pissed off at the messenger of our true discomfort.

And we fight once again for the limitations that we have allowed upon our lives.

We tell our stories of hardship, and how we struggled and tried all the things, but it never worked out.

How this and that happened that created some situation that was unavoidable.

How our health took a dive and made it impossible.

How age and stamina are no longer on our side.

That we never had the smarts, support from loved ones, looks, time, or money to really make it happen.

Yes, we tell all the limitation stories that we believe in, to avoid the reality that we just have not done what we need to do to make it happen.

Reasons over results, wins again.

And for the majority of us humans, the majority of our lives, we are blind to these realities.

And most will choose to remain blind, deaf and dumb to them.

Blaming some outside reason for why they have not yet achieved what they truly want in life,

OR, proclaiming that they are happy as a pig in shit with their lives, but not so deep down they wine and cry about how bad life has been, how crappy they feel, how lonely they are, broke they are, how they โ€œwishโ€ life had been different.

๐“๐“ท๐“ญ ๐“ฝ๐“ฑ๐“ฎ๐“ท ๐“ฝ๐“ฑ๐“ฎ๐“ป๐“ฎ ๐“ช๐“ป๐“ฎ ๐“ฝ๐“ฑ๐“ฎ ๐“ฏ๐“ฎ๐”€โ€ฆ

The 1%ers.

The oneโ€™s who say F-ck what otherโ€™s say or think.

F-ck the system of how things are to work.

Yes, the ones who believe that they can, and so they do!

Priding themselves in overcoming all the obstacles and wanting what they want so incredibly badly that the limitations had no chance of hanging out a lifetime.

Knowing that their mindset made up 80% of the battle.

That the true war that was to be fought for their freedom, success, health, happiness and fortune was between their two ears and getting into a total state of integrity.

ษชษดแด›แด‡ษขส€ษชแด›ส: แดกสœแด‡ส€แด‡ สแดแดœส€ แด›สœแดแดœษขสœแด›๊œฑ, ๊œฐแด‡แด‡สŸษชษดษข๊œฑ แด€ษดแด… แด€แด„แด›ษชแดษด แด€สŸสŸ แด€สŸษชษขษด.

Yeah, I have spent the last ten years of life in a constant state of transformation and thus learning of self.

The last three years I have been smothered by a blanket of fear of the future, regret of the past, baring a load of shame, guilt, and lack of worthiness in so many areas of my life.

And all of this is nothing more than my own personal resistance to saying FUCK YES! to life.

and to ME.

So today, from my new home (that I effing love so much) with the love of my life not a room away and the laughter of my youngest two babes in the background, I sit here in front of the fire in deep gratitude for the resistance.

Without it and all the pain and struggle that it brought, I would not be able to feel so refreshed, appreciative and knowing how wonderful life is.

I would not be able to know myself at the levels that I know myself, seeing where my darkest shadow lands are and what demons reside there.

Yes, the darkness is beautiful.

The fear is lovely.

The pain is awakening.

And the magic that I choose to manifest from this depth,

That, that is breathtaking.

These years past have only proven my worthiness, courage, strength, determination and purpose all the more.

Much like if you too have been in a period of upheaval, pain & suffering, know that it is a gift of the greatest magnitude.

From this darkness diamonds emerge.

Stop allowing complacency, limitation of any sort, reasons and excuses, fear, trauma, triggers, and a belief that this just โ€œisโ€ and you have to accept it rule your today, thus your future.

And steal your dreams.

Steal your alignment with soul.

With God.