“I HAVE EMOTIONAL NEEDS.
I HAVE PHYSICAL DESIRES.
I REQUIRE A MAN THAT CAN MATCH THESE THINGS.
So maybe I am picky.
Maybe I am needy some would say.
But I look at it as though I only like to be with a partner that is “high vibe” and can meet me where I am at.
I am a high vibe woman and I want a conscious man who gets me.”
This was the conversation that I recently had with a woman on a discovery call and from the outside perspective you could say that she is correct. That she is deserving of a relationship that can give her what she needs and more power to her for being a turned on woman who knows what she wants and is not afraid to go after it in relationship as well as in life.
I couldn’t agree more.
The problem with this tale that I am not sharing is that this woman is far from “high vibe.”
Now she is what many men would call beautiful.
Some would say hot AF!
They would love to lay with her.
However, they would also classify her as high maintenance.
And this is something that most women certainly try to not be.
The term alone leaves a bad flavor in your mouth.
But then we women wonder what does it even mean?
Most men believe that women in general are high maintenance.
Women have different needs then men in emotional connection, time spent and sex for sure making them appear as though they need more maintence…
Here however is the problem.
Relationships are NOT cars.
Women are not vehicles to drive and maintain.
Nor are men.
You don’t do things to maintain them.
You do the things you do in a relationship to deepen the relationship, the bond, the love. To expand it. To grow together.
If you are merely “maintaining” your relationship or partner then is it/them truly the right fit for you? And why are you doing that relationship to begin with?
Yet we all do this, don’t we?
We all get ourselves into relationship situations with people that need to be “maintained” which is where the term originated.
And some individuals are higher maintenance than others.
I count myself as a low maintenance partner.
I don’t require much you could say.
And some would think that statement to say that I have low self-esteem or poor boundaries. That I don’t desire or even require a partner that matches me, or maybe I am “vibing” so low that I am groovy with a low vibe man.
Trust me I have had low vibe men before, they come with all size pocket books, all types of bodies, and spiritual beliefs as well as political views.
Being low vibe has NOTHING to do with any of those things.
Nor does HIGH VIBE.
Or being “conscious or woke” as our world is loving to say these days.
I can tell you that “high maintenance” on the other hand has everything to do with those.
But has nothing to do with one’s personal needs and boundaries on lifestyle. Such as fitness, diet, personal time or growth, or even personal grooming, etc. These are personal maintenance requirements. We all have them. They do not make us high maintenance, they are just how we choose to live and build our lives unless there is an extreme to any of them and we cannot accept life without them being met constantly.
High maintenance can be any relationship and with either sex.
Now we understand that our children are high maintenance relationships, especially when they are young. If someone is suffering from an illness or is recovering from some situation then they will need more in the relationship then when they are not.
High maintenance like this woman above clearly revealed she was to me on our call is different.
And to help all the “conscious souls” the “chosen woke” and the “high vibe” men and women alike I wanted to clarify what this term truly means for you.
You may think after this list that another word for high maintenance is narcissist.
Because it sorta could be. 🙂 and that’s why it leaves that nasty flavor from saying it and makes you feel like sh*t if you are called it, unless you’re it then you do what you do best IGNORE REALITY.
Inflexible – yes inflexible AF! hard boundaries around what they have planned and “need to do” and when. It’s their schedule and time line above everything and everyone else. The high maintenance relationship/partner expects that others make adjustments to meet their schedule needs at all cost and is highly offended or upset, hurt if others do not. “Spoiled child syndrome here you might say.”
Never satisfied – Finicky you could call them. Sure don’t get me wrong, knowing what you want or need is a positive and sharing it is great. However the high maintenance relationship/partner will not be happy with things going any way but their way. They are among the hardest people to please. They will say that this is good and then be hiding their true feelings until they pop out a few days or weeks later with how you ignored them, never pay attention to what they really want, don’t care and it shows in your actions and that they are tired of having to tell you what they need/want.
Easily upset by limited or lack of communication – or what they perceive as such. The high maintenance relationship/partner will say that they are with a narcissist who does not want to give them time. They will say that they are just wanting emotional connection. And they will claim that if you do not give it at the level and in the fashion that they require that you are ignoring them, not wanting to commit or communicate. If you don’t give them the time, communication and energy that they “need” to feel loved and appreciated then they will retract and put up their walls because you don’t value them. Basically the high maintenance relationship/partner considers every need to be urgent.
Critical Minded on Steroids- these sort of relationships/partners will ask for help or assume that everyone should see that they need help and then when they get it, they b*tch about how something is done. “he always loads the dishwasher wrong.” “If I want something done right, then I have to do it myself.” ” I needed this brand, nothing else will work.” Partners who chastise their partners for such things and are fussy to the level that they cannot accept that people are different in the way they handle and do things might want to realize that they are high maintenance and wearing their partners out.
Never satisfied – This truly is part B to the above but stands alone as well. High maintenance relationships/partners are never happy with self, with others, life, money, health, house, car, travel, anything. No matter what, it’s never enough. Which is why all the above items are here too. You will never be able to be enough for the high maintenance relationship.
Can’t handle surprises or change – I recall going to Costa Rica with a lover who had been married once upon a time. When we arrived we noticed that my suitcase was wet. He had put two bottles of white wine in my suitcase in the states for travel and we both assumed that the bottles had broke. He was horrified and troubled. He looked at me with fearful eye’s and took full blame for the event, saying that he should have never put them in my suitcase. They should have gone in his bag. I was so happy to be away with him on this trip seeing a new destination, I simply said, ” that’s okay, I am sure we can get the clothes laundered and if need be buy whatever is needed in the interim. It’s just wine and thankfully its white wine.” he was shocked and kept checking on my emotional status for the next few hours while we got to our hotel. He explained that his ex would have ruined the whole trip over this.
The high maintenance relationship/partner does just this, ruins the date, the trip, the event, the moment because something wonky happens. Life has zero room to happen with this type of person, making the relationship all the more stressful.
Status is a must typically- not all high maintenance relationships/partners require a big bank account or at least a six figure income or more of a partner. Some focus on emotional needs more than financial, however many do require certain financial needs to be met. These relationships cannot be happy with anything that is just status quo or “less than” what they perceive is “needed” and that is how they look at it. They “need” the designer purse, shoes, the mansion, the 5 star this or that. Or you are saying they don’t matter and you don’t value them. They will say that the higher the consciousness of the man (typically speaking here) or partner then of course their bank account will match their consciousness, their “high vibe” and that they demand this matching. The high maintenance financial relationship/partner can never date or be with someone who cannot meet their financial needs.
Emotional Neediness at extreme levels- like I already said, we all have emotional needs and women have different needs than men generally. Women need to vent and be heard more so than men and men need more space than women. However the high maintenance relationship/partner takes emotional needs to a new level. Demanding that you listen to them no matter what is going on in your life. You could be sick in bed with food poisoning and the high maintenance relationship/partner will find an urgent event in their life that takes priority over you. They will then get their panties in a wad if you don’t jump to “helping” them however they deem fit in a timely fashion.
All this maintenance is exhausting to say the least.
Which is why so many people try to avoid being it or getting into a relationship with someone who is it.
Yet, much like the narcissist, the high maintenance person is great at fooling people.
Manipulation is part of the game.
They are cunning like a fox and just as beautiful often.
However they will show you quickly who they really are by revealing the above items and you may notice that when in their presence you feel “less” in some fashion.
You may feel like they are always watching you, jealous over silly things, demanding on time and space. You will notice that any retraction from them will cause a whirlwind of trouble emotionally for them because the reality is that the high maintenance person is low vibe, needing your vibe to lift them up and make them feel worthy, lovable, valued and alive. Without you there to carry them they feel lost in themselves because that is their true nature.
Lost and empty.
They are easily bought.
Because their only boundaries are based on their said “needs” that they believe they cannot achieve for themselves so they must require it in their relationships.
And above all else,
the high maintenance partner, much like the narcissist partner typically cannot see these traits in self. Making it difficult for them to heal and even more tragic for those that love them to support them by telling them the truth.
“The world does not revolve around you nor does it owe you anything!”
High maintenance partners will not tolerate such ridiculous dishonoring.
Simply put the high maintenance relationship/partner is draining AF!
So if you are one STOP IT.
And if you are with one, wake the f-k up and stop the insanity of taking responsibility for this lost soul who is leeching off your energy, time and bank account.
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living”
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Narcissits and HMR are exhausting low vibe relationships that you don’t deserve in your life. Want to learn how to raise your vibe and call in a soulmate relationship that supports who you are and fulfills your hearst desire? Reach out to me today.