WHY DO WE AVOID OUR PLEASURE?
This is the question I sit here with,
pondering how could I have ever been so silly as to avoid everything that felt good,
to quickly turn away from positive direction,
out of fear.
Fear of anything,
fear of fucking it all up,
of not being good enough,
or maybe fear of being too much,
fear that I was not worthy of whatever it may be,
and so I turned away.
And used all my logic to make it happen and look appropriately.
I spent years doing this.
I still catch myself doing all too much in my opinion.
But I think that perhaps our biggest fear is the fear of not trusting ourselves. We have made some poor decisions in the past, so how can we trust self here?
This is the one that can get us all.
And so we often psych ourselves out from following the lead of “feel good” and we turn around out of fear that we cannot trust ourselves. That we should shut down and ignore, move away from whatever it is that we are wanting.
You see though,
we cannot just lay something down like a feeling or a desire in one area of our lives, or around the energy of one subject area of life and not expect the energy to seep out to all areas.
All of life is interwoven.
If we shut our passion down,
we start to lose passion in all areas of life.
If we shut down playfulness in one area of life,
we lose the fun in all areas of life.
We prevent ourselves from feeling all the emotions of life,
then inevitably we lose feeling for all areas of life,
and we drown in our fear of feeling.
But we humans,
we love to take things away from ourselves so that we can prove that we are good people, that we are trustworthy, loyal, committed, safe…. etc.
and we start the whole proving ourselves by doing the take away from self typically for the sake of love.
Our version of love is really great at stealing so much beauty in life.
We believe that we must not be so many things when in love,
all the things that were okay when single suddenly cannot be experienced or it be looked upon as though we have commitment issues. So no opposite sex friends ( we don’t care how long you have known them, you are in love now, you never need to speak to the opposite sex again, your love is your everything), do not be overly kind or smile, look into the eyes of the opposite sex again, do not take kindness from the opposite sex, always say no to help from anyone that is not the same sex as you unless they are your love.
We turn away from all the emotions,
the turn on, the play, the openness, the conversations even that add wisdom and creative thought into our lives.
We turn it away to “show” or should I say PROVE our love.
All of these things bring pleasure into our lives though.
We are shutting down and turning away from our pleasure,
in belief that by shutting it all down we will gain more pleasure because we now have this ….
And this relationship will fulfill our everything and we “should” not need for anything outside of this relationship.
After all that is what love gives us.
But nothing is farther from the truth.
We are still human.
We still need connections from many.
We still have much learning to do and that requires a relationship with others outside of THIS RELATIONSHIP that is to be our everything.
But we shut it down.
We shut it down hard too.
We make sure not to notice,
not to connect,
but instead to guard and hide.
We shame and guilt ourselves should we even catch the eye of someone smiling our direction, blaming ourselves for the look on our face, the laughter we were showing or the garments on our body.
And so we shame our energy.
We shame our magnetism.
We shame our joy.
We shame our turn on for life,
and the saddest truth of all is that all this shaming has us shaming our love.
Because love is not about judgement and control.
Love is not about hiding and condemning.
Love is not about sacrificing our friendships and desires.
Love is about being lifted up by another who wants the best for us and wants our joy,
wants our light to shine bright.
Not dim it.
Love wants us to enjoy life and reap the pleasures of this life.
Love wants us to bask in it and show it to the world.
which is where most of us reside when supposedly “in love”
wants to control, judge, condemn, feel jealousy and insecurity.
Ego wants you to hide who you are and change to fit the ideas and insecurities of others needs.
Ego fears all other relationships.
Ego fears your joy and your light.
Ego does not see how it turns you off and shuts you down over time in the name of love.
It believes that it is saving you,
saving your relationship,
saving your love.
Ego does not have faith.
It does not trust.
And it is quick to find fault anywhere but with itself.
Ego has us turn away from EVERYTHING that is pleasure and good for us,
but it has us run into the arms of all the pleasure that condemns us.
Ego will have us act in rage.
Ego will carry us the bottle to drink our sorrows away in.
Ego will have us “I’ll show you” as we sex with people we do not want to, to prove yet another point.
Ego will have us mask our feelings and hide with drugs and food.
Ego will get us to retract from life, to become workaholics.
Ego will do its job for sure…
the job it feels it must and that is to KEEP YOU SAFE AT ALL COST.
And it will do so under the guise of love everytime.
It will make you question yourself and your love.
And here is where we lose our power.
Here is where we lose ourselves.
Here is where we step out of alignment with SOUL, with God.
Because SOUL and God do not feel the same way about any of this that you are feeling through your ego.
The fact that you are having negative feelings, fear or insecurity, judgement and jealousy, a desire to control shows just how out of alignment you are. You could not feel this much pain if your inner self did not feel differently.
That is what being out of alignment means.
When you feel drastically different from that that your inner being feels.
And do you honestly believe in your heart of hearts that TRUE LOVE ever desires for you to not shine?
For you to deny yourself joy, happiness, connection?
Do you believe that true love wants to control you?
Yet you sit there turning away from your joy,
your happiness and your expansion,
andall the pleasure that these things bring you,
based on the concept that you need to prove your love by doing just this.
I get it.
I too am guilty of this ego game.
I have shunned my truth in the face of what I thought to be love.
I have hidden myself from my truth based on fear and judgement.
I have said no to myself when I was a fuck yes because I was afriad of not being good enough or making a mistake.
I have been there.
I have made poor choices based on this ego.
I have avoided my intuition out of fear of not being able to trust myself.
And I have suffered the results.
The regret of not saying yes to living,
to growing and expanding self,
to love and connection.
To abundance and joy.
It’s a nasty bi-product of saying no to the alignment of self.
The ego is a bitch my dear.
We all have one.
Our power is reestablished by witnessing our emotions and seeing for the guidance system that they are.
Are you ready to learn your truth?
To live the life that you feel called too and love fully?
Stop Existing & Start Living
Coaching for Grown A*s Believers
October Asskickery Month is almost upon us.
Are you wanting to make some changes in your life, love or sex?
Want to take action but do not know where to start?
Need a swift kick to get what you want?
Reach out to me about this global opportunity to have that F-ck Yes Life that you are wanting for now.