How to lose a woman in three steps.


Or man for that matter. Like most of my musings shared, these words can be taken to heart by either sex. 


So, you want a relationship you say.

You’re wanting to get yourself the girl, the dream girl and live happily ever after. 

Now you are ready to venture out to work on yourself, (well hopefully you do, because this is the only way you will land the deal with your dream girl FYI) you understand that you have to become a better man to level yourself up to match what you are wanting in a partner, and so you do. 

You do the reading, you get the coach or therapist help, you unpack your past and take responsibility along with forgive yourself, you work on your diet and fitness, upleveling your body, you explore your emotions and get more comfortable with how to manage them, you start to explore spirituality, meditation, yoga maybe and you learn some of the psychological and scientific things behind the practices, you look at how you are living, what you truly want for your future, your finances, your family life, where you want to live and what you want to accomplish and you start to take action steps to achieve these things, you learn to laugh at yourself and enjoy life in the present moment, and you learn how to communicate in a healthy fashion. You may even explore how to sexually please her fully and more about your orgasmic potential. 

You do all of this with the desire to manifest your dream girl. 


And then she walks into your life. 

You bask in this amazing magical experience. 

Drinking up the precious moments and reveling in her beauty and mystery. 

She is so into you, she is perfect, beyond what you ever thought she would be. 

An angel from above. 


And then one day, she looks at you and say’s…


“I can’t be in this relationship with you any longer.”


You are stunned. “But why?”


“You are too needy.”



What is she talking about.


And that is when she turns the lights on for you in your bewildered mind. She shares that she sees who you really are. She has been watching you and she is very aware at a deep cellular level that everything you did, everything you found interest and passion in, that you learned and adapted to, had NOTHING to do with you and a wanting to simply be a better you because that made you feel good about you, fulfilled who you were as a human, a man, nor were you doing it because you wanted to keep it up for a lifetime because you felt is was what was good and right for your life. 


No you did it all just to get the girl. 

To capture her. 

And you did it because you needed the relationship with her so she would make you feel happy and complete. 


Like a shot to your heart, you can feel her explanation sinking down into the deepest truths of your core and you know that she is right and sees you just as you really are now. 

You know that you were only working so hard because you were hunting her. 

Your passion and desire had nothing to do with your actual interest  in any of these things, they just were in alignment to the woman that you wanted to have by your side and therefore they became your interests. 


And so is the tale of  an untold number of marriages, intimate relationships and commitments between the sexes. I have seen this event unfold both professionally with my clients and in my private life as well. 


When Craig and I first started exploring being together I shared this fear with him. I shared how I had experienced this in previous relationships of all different intimate levels and that it never ended well and he revealed to me the longevity of his interests. Showing me that they were not of the fleeting nature but that his interests were of his own. 


The universe was bringing us together because we both had walked a path of self-discovery for ourselves and we wanted a partner that had walked their own because they wanted to for just that reason alone. 


I know the rarity of this and desire to impress on you the importance of standing in your own integrity at all cost. It is this boldness of authentic integrity that will draw close your ideal love partner, life mate, soulmate for this lifetime expression or will bring you what you want for just a fleeting moment. 


You MUST MATCH your mate, and be authentically you doing it. 


If you are wanting a relationship to make you feel happy or complete, you will never call in that other half. You will sacrifice pieces of yourself that you should never sacrifice and you will not ever expand who you are into that next level version fully. 


You see the three steps to losing a woman are pretty simple and they happen when we hunt for something that we do not match and have it land in our lap per sey but are not ready for it. Not aligned to it. Have not become it yet. 


You can lose the girl a few weeks in, 

A few months or years down the road. 

You can get married, buy a house and have a couple babies. 

None of that assures that she is yours for the keeping. 


I speak to you gents out there today, who have looked at your woman and thought, “Wow! I don’t deserve her.” 


I speak to you men out there that seem to never have the luck with the ladies for the long term and wonder what causes her to drift away, to not desire you, to no longer want you like she did. 

Why did she stop being so playful and sexual? 

Why would she rather hang with friends or take an extra shift at work? 

Why does she argue everything you say?


Simple my dear man…

You lost her with these three steps somewhere along the line. 


  1. YOU LOST HER RESPECT. – you did this by not committing to yourself upfront. If you were not showing up in your strength and power, if you were wavering on who you were, if you were just going through the motions and faking it, you lost her respect. If you allowed her to wear the pants on all decisions and did not take charge with the physical direction of the relationship (i.e. how many times you get together, exploring new adventures together, calling, texting, deciding when to move in together, to get married, etc.) then she lost respect. If she could not count on your word meaning something and your actions following those words, she lost respect for you. If you said that you cared and then ignored her direct requests or subtle ones, she lost respect for you. If you said that you were one thing and then started to show you were something else, you better damn well believe her respect for you left the mother-fucking building my dear.
  2. YOU LOST HER DESIRE FOR YOU – See above. Its pretty simple there are two kinds of desire 1) primal, straight up animalist desire, its short lived and fulfills a need of the moment. I desire water because I am dehydrated. 2) of the heart and soul, this is the long term desire that is needed in long-term relationships. It is based on respect first. A woman must respect a man for the long term and be able to trust him,that trust is mostly centered around him being a man of integrity. It means that she can count on him to be stable emotionally, financially, mentally and in his word and actions. She must know that he will not waver even in her testing of him. And that he has the entity of “us” as a priority along with standing strong in who he is as a man and fulfilling his own purpose and interests. 
  3. YOU DROPPED YOUR LEAD. – See both above. Plus, you stopped courting her. It is well understood today in the world of relationship psychology that women grow bored with a monogamous relationship long before men do. Yep you read that right. A man holds his desire for the woman longer than the woman does a man. A man is fascinated simply by her, he is enthralled in the sex he is having, in the brief momenst of connection and he is content longer. Where a woman grows bored. She needs to be taken by the man, he needs to consistently lead her back to him. He does this through inquiry, showing he cares about her day, her thoughts and feelings. He leads her by making sure that he is not using her for his place of stress release through sex, but that instead he wants to take both of them away from the worlds troubles to a place where they can embrace if but only for a moment. He does not forget to court her, to romance her, to create adventure and play. He understands that a woman needs to be lead out of her head and back into her heart, her sex and that it takes attention and time to do this. 


And you sweet sir, most likely if you stopped to read this are guilty of one if not all of these steps. 

You may have been wondering why things changed?

Why can’t you turn her on any more?

Why she does not want to have sex, or to bask in the sex very long?

Why do you feel like she has no depth?

Where the friendship, the connection, the intimacy has gone?


Its these three steps at play. 

And sure, it is a bunch of work for you. 

You may think, why bother? I should just toss in the towel. 

She is too high maintenance. 



And if you are among the many out there who believe that relationships should be easy, not require too much of you, that you should just be able to set it on autopilot. You did all the work in the hunt. The chase. Now you need to rest. 


Then yeah, just hang up the towel right now baby. 

You are not ready for a relationship. 


Or do your work. 


And keep doing the damn work for the entity of “us.”

And keep doing it. 

And stand in your integrity. 

At all costs. 

Because THAT is the only way that your dream girl will manifest and stay in your life for your lifetime. 


As Always, 

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”