What does this mean you may wonder, to show up in your own sovereignty or supreme power and authority? It simply means to show up in the relationship ready and willing to bare your truth to this other soul. That is the most loving thing we can ever offer someone else and ourselves.
What does truth mean though?
To be honest?
To be truthful?
To not lie?
And so much more.
As I have shared many times before truth in fact has nothing to do with facts,
Truth is what we perceive it which is why perception means so very much in relationships.
If someone perceives you one way then unfortunately that is the image that they see of you and even sadder, you may even lean into this image without wanting to and support it. Because all perception is based on some reality of it somewhere along the line.
Just this weekend, three people in my life said something of similar nature to me. All three of these people mean the world to me, they are near and dear to my heart and I would do just about anything for, however their individual words triggered some massive pain for me because it revealed a perception that they obviously have of me that is not so. And even though I can show all the supportive evidence that they are wrong in their statements, they cannot see it.
They will end up most likely gaslighting the situation without awareness and proclaiming that I was just being too sensitive. And perhaps they are correct, because any of their statements as a stand alone could just be perceived as “joking around,” however disrespectful they actually were.
The reality is that they have a perception of me.
And the deeper reality is that there is some truth in the perception, even though it is dated.
And that is the issue with perception, truth and boundaries.
They change based on individuals.
Self and those we choose to have relationships with plus timeframes.
But every now and then, what occurs is that our truth in who we are and how we aim to live our lives is severely challenged by the outside world’s perception of who we may have been or past events, experiences and even mistakes that we have made. For example the person who went to jail because they committed a crime in their twenties. They served the time, they paid the legal price and they are set free. Fast forward a decade or two, is it fair for all those close to that person to constantly remind them of “who they are” based on back then and the events that occurred? Or should who they are be based on who they are showing up as NOW and in more recent time.
What is the proper amount of time to allow someone to change?
To transform and have different mindsets, views, even desires and habits in life?
And how is it respectful or loving to another to dictate what their truth is?
In my opinion, it all comes back to a few things:
Time – it is said that time heals all wounds and for the most part it does heal, but it heals by reducing our memory about what occurred. That is why the narcissist nature in people lean on it so much. Often to get what we want from another person we just have to wait them out. However, time does heal and those who are not naive to its power and remain in wisdom, recalling the events and the lessons learned from the time can get to a place of healing by finding gratitude for all events and respecting their own responsibility in the events. The issue comes in when we choose to alter, expand upon and NOT let go of the past but just replay it to appease our own pain, anger and resentments which are all based in ego not love. This act will prevent our loved ones from being able to reveal their TRUTH in who they are NOW.
Self-love – We can never allow another to move forward in their lives as long as we are hating on our own lives or needing drama to feel connection. A person who is practicing self- love and doing the self-love things such as personal, emotional, mental, spiritual and physical development, in taking care of themselves on all levels including setting healthy personal boundaries will also anticipate and even expect that from those they choose to do relationship with. They will honor such things and want to see the changes being made verse focusing on past behaviours and dredging such behaviours up in any fashion.
Respect and Love – We live in a world that has lost respect and love in general. And it is because we have not been taught how to love and respect ourselves. We have grown up in a society where sarcasm, joking loosely with just about anyone and stating things “bluntly” is accepted. This leaves hardly any room for us to feel into where we are at, nor where someone else may be at in their lives. Often triggers in relationships come from lack of awareness and presence and the belief that what we say or do “does not have an impact on others’ ‘ and if it does, then that is solely their issue. There is no kindness or love in that thought. True we are not responsible for another’s emotions, feelings or actions, however taking responsibility for our own and understanding that to everything there is an effect and asking is this the impact or effect that I want to have on this person or in their life or in mine is a great place to start when supporting our own healing and transformation or anothers.
Our Pain Bodies – Eckhart Tolle I believe made this famous, the viewing of our pain and our anger as though it is a body that we armour ourselves with and from here we lash out at the world and even those we love. It is true, often we find ourselves in pain and trauma and from this wounded space we react to the world around us. Reacting to the world instead of being proactive and coming from a place of love and respect. From the pain body we consistently push back and without realization create pain in others lives.
Awareness – This is the biggest one out of this list and it should have been #1. When we are operating from our pain bodies, have limited self-love and respect and do not understand time we tend to be less consciously aware as to how our actions and words impact others and the world that we live in. With lack of awareness we are blind to others needs, pains or how they are developing themselves and changing. We are more likely to stomp over others’ boundaries physically, emotionally and timewise and we increase the possibility of triggering and creating further pain or separation in relationships because of this lack of awareness.
So back to the original topic of showing up in your own sovereignty in a relationship to have true partnership.
First understand that a relationship is different from partnership.
We have many sorts of relationships in life, but when we speak about partnership we are speaking about a relationship that covers all areas of our lives and that we desire to fully meld with another in union. Having a bond emotionally, physically, financially, mentally, and spiritually.
It is coming together in full union and support for each other.
In order to do this with the best success, we must show up in the relationship that comes prior to the partnership in our own supreme power and authority. We must be willing to stand firm in who we are and have done the work required for us to know who we are so that we can do just so. Meaning that we are consistently practicing healthy boundaries on all levels, that we are practicing true self-love and developing ourselves as well as allowing ourselves to heal and transform.
Until, we do the deep inner work on self and the acceptance and love of self, we will not be prepared to show up in our truth, able to speak how we feel at any given moment from a place of love and authenticity verses what the majority of people do which is to speak their fasle truth that is based in perceptions, fear, control and ego.
We limit ourselves by not knowing ourselves and being able to communicate in a kind and emotionally mature fashion about our needs and requirements in life and relationship, therefore we are unable to be rock solid partners until we do just such.
I bring this truth talk to you today because of the three souls who brought so much triggering emotion up for me over this weekend and stirred conversation in my partnership that if we had been any two other individuals in relationship together would have allowed the triggers and perceptions to become truth and create space between us, however because we are both intensely committed to ourselves showing up authentically and in love with each other and having the hard conversations required to always remain in our own individual truth that builds our rock solid foundation as a couple that is committed to healing, loving and building a lifelong partnership.
Sharing our truth is f-cking hard as hell.
It is not for those who just want average and ordinary and certainly not for those that just believe that they can maintain a relationship and are not desiring a partnership that will go beyond the measures of the common relationship of couplehood.
These identifying words mean nothing without truth.
Each partner’s truth at the hardest of moments to share.
Because it is in our truth that we stay aligned and that we build trust with each other, and our truth requires our sovereignty to self.
Wishing you the courage to have your own sovereignty in relationship on your path to partnership.
Loving you from my rock solid partnership.
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