🙏Intimacy is a totally different dimension. It is allowing the other to come into you, to see you as you see yourself.🙏
This is a powerful quote to ponder from Osho.
” I stood in the bathroom, scrubbing the bathroom sink, trying to change my outlook. Attempting to calm my ravenous emotions that seemed to be hungry wolves out to kill and destroy what I valued most. Heart racing, gut churning. All I could envision was the worst case scenario and I knew that once again I would be standing alone in life. Certain that the emotionally turbulent seas that I found myself in, my boat crashing upon the shores of my fear, my trauma, my knowing that I was going to mess up yet again and push away love was without a doubt right before me.
I had let him in too close.
That was the issue.
I had fallen hopelessly in love with this man and now I had something to lose. Making me lost is an internal sea of fear and lack of worthiness.
The more unworthy I felt, the more lost, the more pathetic and all the more certain that THIS was the moment that he would say goodbye.
I was being an emotionally unpredictable woman.
I was crying out from my hormonal pit of despair.
Haunted by all the ghosts in my closet and terrified that I could not express my heart.
That he would not see me, feel me, know me.
Only wanting for these things.
Wanting for HIM to be like no other man before, and fight for me.
Even though the fight at this moment was with me.”
Women are emotional creatures to say the least.
Women’s hormonal balance is oh so delicate.
I used to think that it was a bunch of bull bunk that women used to get away with shiz, and it certainly can be. However, so much causes hormonal turbulence and I can bear witness and experience to you that when we women tank on all the “good vibe” hormones we crash into our own darkest seas and fear our very existence.
But that is another tale for another day.
Letting a man into this emotional space,
This space where we often run and hide from our own inner demons and devils is vulnerable AF!
We women grow up learning that men cannot handle this space and that they DO NOT desire a woman who is emotionally up and down.
For the most part on a man’s list of qualities desired in a woman you will find in the top five that men want “drama free” or “low drama,” for a woman to be “emotionally sound” and sure AF not “crazy.” Because every man has been with crazy at some point and this is scary to them with good reason.
The one minor, not so minor issue is that ALL women have their crazy moments, their hormone raging moments, their deep dark depressions, fear and emotionally unsound feelings.
For the most part if all is well with the woman, you will find that the typical cause of these events is STRESS. You can say she should learn to manage that. Or get some hormone replacement. Get laid…and so many other things. Positive thinking and planning does not always help the stress situation. Sometimes a woman cannot see past the dark clouds of her own inner storms. Trying to be rational causes even more stress in these moments. Trying to be positive causes anxiety.
The issue of stress on a woman’s body, mind, hormones, emotions and thus relationship with self and then life and partner is unbelievable.
And the feeling of loss is detrimental.
Only creating a greater whirlwind.
David Deida speaks about how a woman will test her man to make certain that he is stable at his core and can support her.
He also makes mention often of “standing in her fire.”
This is what he is speaking about.
You see we women in these moments are only witnesses, or mere onlookers ourselves when the fire comes down and we start to rage. It is like we see it happening, part of us is screaming, “No… no… just stop! Shut up! What are you doing/saying? We don’t mean that. Or want to hurt you and us like this.” However, that part of us, that internal witness has been muzzled in these times and we find ourselves hijacked by our pain bodies, our trauma, our fear of loss of not being good enough or being too much. And self-destruction wins. The fire burns and if a man is willing, if he truly loves his woman, and IF he is strong in himself then and only then can he stand in her fire, this fire.
🔥AND IT IS A FIRE OF INTIMACY.🔥
It is a fire of her allowing him into her inner realms of fear, of pain, and trauma. Where she wants nothing more than him to grab her, hold her close and say, “I got you. We are going to make it through your pain and fear. I am strong. I am here.”
This vulnerably deep space of the feminine that no woman today wants to express out of concern for being called another crazy woman. Of being dropped like a hot potato. Of not being strong enough to just not have these feminine storms.
I means sh*t its 2021, we should have evolved past this emotional nature and hormonal imbalances. We should have our sh*t in order, be able to take something to calm our nerves and make us more manageable for ourselves, our relationship and for life.
Many women do just this.
Mask the emotion.
Work. work. work.
Masterbation and porn.
And many other sidetrackers.
Typically combinations of these above.
Of which none actually deal with the cause or are helpful or healthy long term. They just end up creating a numbness to life and a total avoidance to self.
It is us women putting down the fight and in turn fleeing.
Fleeing from ourselves.
From our truth. From our pain and our fear.
And ultimately from our relationship, our love, our man.
Have you ever wondered why so many men often say she used to be so alive, excited, vibrant. She used to desire me. She used to smile and laugh. Life has just taken it out of her I guess…
Yes life took it out and she exhausted herself trying to hold herself together.
She made a choice between everything else in her life including her relationship and family and herself.
As many smart women do and always have done.
They step away from what brings perceived trouble and they put their focus on what will bring harmony and peace. Even if it costs them their “aliveness.”
And somewhere in this loss of vitality and truth, they convince themselves that they are happy and they are just doing what is needed.
I am going to say something different however!
This is why there is so much divorce.
This is why women cheat.
This is why women over eat or starve themselves.
This is why they seem like they don’t care or throw themselves into something that may appear meaningless.
👉👊BECAUSE THEY ARE HIDING FROM THEMSELVES!👈🤯
and they do not know how to communicate what they need from their partner, from life, or from SELF.
They have literally been trained to believe that it is not safe, good or acceptable to be a woman. Yet to be a woman, a sexy, smart, strong, confident, great mom, with a great job, and a great homemaker to boot, is expected, and DO NOT forget emotionally stable ALL THE TIME.
👊👊👊Women no longer know their place in this world or in relationships. 👊👊👊
I personally thank the feminist movement for this back in the 60’s and 70’s. One great step forward for women’s rights, with a ripple impact that may cause us to be among some of the most lost, sad, exhausted and FAKE AF! women ever known to the history of humankind.
Women are not the only one’s paying the price here either.
Our men, our children and ultimately our world pays with us.
👩Women are the “home”makers.
👩Women are the nurturers.
👩Women are the foundation, the center point to family.
👩And they are the cheerleaders of men.
👩They are the cheerleaders of youth.
👩They are the teachers of respect, compassion, empathy, and unconditional love.
They still try to manage all of this.
They attempt to be all this.
But with it they also carry the load of the masculine.
They weaken themselves by not allowing support out of fear that if they need support they will not be desired.
That the fact that they are human,
that they are a woman,
that “yeah, they may not have it all put together,”
makes them disposable.
And that is the FEAR.
WOMEN FEAR BEING DISPOSABLE.🤯
And they accept it.
They even embrace it.
That is why they lean heavy into feminist statements and beliefs.
That is why they condemn men.
And take the lead so much.
Because they figure that they will be replaced anyway, so why should they let a man into their heart and trust him.
Share this inner realm with him, open their soul to him.
👉Every woman today has been walked out on in some way. 👈
Every woman has been raped physically, emotionally, menatlly.
Every woman knows that she cannot depend on this world, on men, and often not on family and friends.
We are a broken sex.
A wounded multi-generation.
We have lost our power by attempting to gain it.
So what is the answer?🤨
IT’S ALWAYS AN INSIDE JOB.
👊It always comes back to learning to love yourself, being willing to explore your shadow lands and move past, let go of the trauma and put your attention on the present.
👊It’s always about doing the cognitive behaviour work to make the impacting changes required to be able to connect, relate and develop positive relationships.
👊Learning how you store trauma and negative emotion and programs in your cellular tissue and what you can do to fully purge yourself from them.
👊Wanting as well as being willing to transform yourself and build trust in yourself so that you can trust your man, your relationship once again.
👊Seeing your own hold backs and how you self-sabotage is vital to healing any relationship and building trust, love and a willingness to open your heart and soul as well as establish healthy emotional responses.
👊Learning how to ask for what you want and need from a partner.
👉👉😔WOMEN SAY THEY WANT A MAN, A LIFE PARTNER, BUT THEY ARE TYPICALLY UNWILLING TO WAIVER ON LETTING GO OF THEIR WOUNDS TO HAVE ONE.👈👈🤯
My partner asked me in the moment of my emotional breakdown shared above, “Are you going to let your trauma and wounds be a self fulfilling prophecy?”
My hurt little girl responded with a scorned, “Possibly, what choice do I have? It already is happening. You are going to leave me, I know you will.”
He just stood there.
Looking at me.
I wanted him to grab me.
I wanted him to pull me in close and squeeze all this fear out of me.
I wanted him to build a fortress around me and protect me from ME.
He could not give this to me.
He could hold me, listen, say he loves me and that he does not want any of that. But he could not save me from my own inner demons and devils.
THAT was my battle.
I had to save us, not just me.
But first I had to speak my fear.
I had to share my worries.
I had to see my crazy, emotional rollercoaster for what it was.
I share this today with you because I have heard a lot lately about the crazy emotional state of the feminine.
I know that we women are hard to understand.
I know that we trigger our men into fear and distrust based on our emotional responses.
And that in itself is not healthy, right or emotionally mature.
So I share to awaken the women out there who want to heal, want to have happy healthy relationships and trust in love again.
I share for the men out there that look at women and say, ” I love her, I want to be with her, BUT…”
Who find themselves triggered by her emotions, her fear, her doubt, her self-sabotage.
Gentlemen, stand strong in who you are.
Do not be intimidated.
Do not fear asking her to come back to herself, like my man did for me. Know that she may not respond the way you want in the moment, but that it will sink in. She did hear you.
DO NOT RUN from her at this moment. That will only create more abandonment and fear, it will convince her that she is right and that you will not fight for her.
🤺A woman wants and needs her man to fight for her. 🤺
She needs him to help her slay her inner demons and devils.
And he does this through his heart.
She does not need him to fix it or her.
She just needs him to create a container for her to pour her fears into and to see that he is capable of not drowning from them.
She needs his leadership in these times, which comes from his ability to be logical in the unlogic. To be sound, solid yet compassionate in her fire.
🤺She needs him to conquer her.🤺
That same fear energy, that crazy, the uproar, it is stuck creative sexual energy. It has been lodged due to stress, fear of speaking truth, programs, beliefs and all the little things that seem like nothing but are so much that she will never fess up to being caught up in.
And she NEEDS YOU to help her move it.
She yells cruelties because she wants you to kiss her.
She throws plates and shoes because she wants to be made love to.
She weeps before you because she wants you to hold her heart and see her.
She needs your physical strength and support.
She needs your emotional stability with compassion and patience.
She does not need you to war against her.
But to have her back in her darkest valleys of self.
Big order to fill.
I get it.
And many men cannot do this because they themselves have not or are not willing to build their own inner realms of strength in who they are.
As a society we have broken down men.
We have made them evil for being men.
We have scared them away from leadership and told them “not to control” and we have taught them that leading a family, woman, life path is not good.
We have weakened our men into boys and we have drugged our women into hiding their feminine.
And so I ask you reader,
Male or female,
Are you willing and wanting to meet yourself?
To strengthen who you are?
To know what you need and desire in a partner, in a relationship and are you willing to stand in the depths of healing?
Because you see, intimate relationships, committed partnerships do one thing for sure…
IT FORCES US TO MEET OURSELVES AND TO HEAL.
as well as to support our mate.
My whole coaching system is dedicated and centered around these core things. Learning how to navigate and communicate what you want in a relationship by learning your soul-values.
As always, if you want to learn if coaching is something of potential assistance and value to you calling in your soulmate relationship or reigniting your couplehood then reach out to me today for a FREE Clarity Call! Where we will start the process of discovery, activation and healing to unite you to SOUL!
Loving you from here.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”