You say that you want a partner for life.
To get married.
To feel secure in your relationship.
But what does this really mean?
All too often I am working with a client who is wanting to find โthe oneโ or is questioning if they have found them already, but wonder how they can guarantee this?
Perhaps, they are single and dating, but not having the results that they hoped for and just keep dating people who let them down or are โcommitment-phobes.โ Or, they have been dating someone for months, perhaps even years and still uncertain about where the relationship is moving too or not. Maybe, they are in a domestic union, or so they believe they are because they have moved-in together and it is no longer in a boyfriend/girlfriend feeling, but more along the lines of a seemingly committed relationship or union but still, there is an uncertainty from one or both people.
If this sounds like something that you are experiencing or have in the past then I am speaking to you today.
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Not all โcommitted relationshipsโ are actually committed. 
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Some people are very comfortable wasting another personโs time in this arena of love and relationship. They will stay with you for a very long time but will never โput a ring on it.โ
Here is the reality, often in our dating and relating world we can be a plan B to our partner. We are not what our partner actually wants, however they will remain around us, in relationship with us, having sex with us and even playing house for the benefits that we provide to them.
Many of my clients have shared stories with me of dating someone for years and then realized that their boyfriend/girlfriend was never going to marry them. Right now, I have a beautiful female client in Europe who is going through this very event. Three years together, they live together, travel the world together and have plans for different things, however any time she broaches the subject of marriage, he disconnects, gets upset and says that she is pushing things too fast and being needy. I, myself have experienced this scenario multiple times and have spent countless empty years of working toward a real partnership for life only to find out five or six years down the road that my boyfriend never saw me as โthe one.โ
Itโs heartbreaking and traumatic to realize that you have spent time, energy, and opened up your heart to someone who actually has zero intent on making a real commitment to you.
If you have been through something like this, then you know the bitterness and resentment that can come from it as well as how detrimental it is to your self-confidence moving forward.
I am always telling my clients that the man leads the physical movement of the relationship, this simply means that it is in his court to take the steps toward commitment with a woman. The commitment of marriage, which should never be taken lightly, is something that the masculine is to drive if he wants to assist his woman in being in her most feminine state of power and support to him. He must be the one to make the call on how the relationship will unfold and where they as a couple are headed. If it is left to the woman, then she will be forced to step into her masculine energy and will lose her respect and desire for him.
I share this because, first we live in a society where women are getting told that itโs good or even okay to chase a man and make the moves, drive the relationship, etc. And although the woman certainly needs to be clear on what she is wanting and needing in a partner and relationship, it is still the man who needs to lead this process. Next, it is well known that men are logical creatures and make their mind up about a woman relatively quickly, that being within a few months of dating. He knows if he sees her as his wife and future or not.
Yet, still so often men in this situation will lead a woman on for some time, as will women with men. How do we know if our hearts have been placed with someone who is serious though?
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Five Subtle Yet Overt Signs Youโre Not in a Relationship That Will Lead to Marriage Commitment Ever!
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The take away here is that even if your lives look intertwined, they may not be. Paying attention to these signs can help you know where the future of your relationship headed or not.
For the singles out there, if you are not ready to take on this level of engagement and commitment with someone by month six of your blossoming relationship or you are seeing this from the person you are dating, be aware that you or this other person is simply saying, โNot it!โ
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Committed relationship is not about sticking your toe in and testing the waters for years, but for diving in and building something together. Because together is always better than alone, although alone is better than inauthentic and being someoneโs comforting plan B.