Women Do THIS In Relationships
“I wonder who I will be in this relationship.”
She looks at me excitedly.
A spark in her eye with a childlike enthusiasm as to what aspect of herself she will be meeting as the relationship with a new man unfolds for her.
I hear doctor Jordan B. Peterson in my head right now, speaking on how agreeable women are and that men should be grateful for it because men are the furthest thing from being agreeable. If women were like men (and some are, don’t get me wrong, but women strong in their feminine spirit are simply pretty damn agreeable), so like I was saying, if women were like men in a lack of agreeability then our world would not flourish the way that it does. We humans would be stunted in our evolution process. There would be constant war, because no side would be able to lay down arms and make peace. However women, by our very nature, are peacekeepers. We are nurturers and it makes us feel good to give to those that we love. To support their wants, needs and lives. Women are the reason behind civilization, our social world with all it has to offer, from cities to churches. Our online communities are all based on the village mindset of supporting each other which is a female trait and desire. God made us this way where we want peace and we are often more than willing to sacrifice our own wants and needs to make sure that peace is acquired and those around us are satisfied and taken care of.
Thank heavens women are designed this way. Just look at how irritating, ungrateful, and demanding children can be. If I think about the many directions that I can be taken and the requirements expected of me on any given day when it comes to my children and the harmonizing of their worlds blended with the upkeep of keeping a home, it is obvious that having too much need for structure, or a demand on needing to understand or have things happen the way that I want for them to go would only cause me to have an anxiety attack or worse every second. Add in the feelings, ideas, views and wants of a spouse/co-parent and if you have anything that is too locked into stone you live in a land of constant friction, frustration and suffering for all who are involved.
The simple reality is that women need to be agreeable for their own happiness as well as the happiness of those they care for most. With that said, there must be non-negotiables, healthy boundaries established and guidelines or agreements otherwise the woman will find herself at the constant mercy of those she cares for and will become a victim to life. A human door mat.
THE SELF-AWARENESS OF KNOWING YOU ARE EVER CHANGING
Back to the starting line to this musing.
“ I wonder who I will be in this relationship.”
This self-inquiry is not really a questioning of self, or a lack of self-awareness like it may seem. It is in fact a statement of awareness that she is ever changing and evolving. She is a new woman within the relationship. Now, I can hear many men out there disgusted at this concept and that it is even acceptable, let alone one that is based in self-awareness. But hear me out gents.
In any relationship each party gives up aspects of themselves so that they can be in the relationship with the other person. They also gain new views on life, they want for new things and are often willing to expand themselves to become a better version of themselves not because the relationship requires or demands it of them, but because they want to be their best for the one they love. They understand that a better me is a better us.
If someone is not willing to expand, evolve or accept that the reason we humans are in any relationship is because our soul purpose is constant transformation and development and that the best grounds to achieve just this is in relationship, then that person is spiritually immature.
If a person believes that they should not have to change anything, nor work for the relationship then they are spiritually immature as well. If they have the concept that they should be able to experience great or just a good relationship, to have love, joy, happiness, or success in life by just remaining stagnant and “just as they are,” then they are naive to say the least.
It has long been spoken of and understood that a man looks at his wife and says, “ I never want you to change,” and a woman looks at her husband and says, “ I know the man that you can become.”
Men want stability.
Men are linear in their thinking, views and ideas of the world.
They compartmentalize everything and keep it tidy and organized.
They only pull out one thing at a time that they are focused on or that needs attention, fixing or making itself a focus.
Women are fluid.
Women are more like the ocean with all its currents, storms and life in it. Ever changing and moving.
A woman is not built to be overly stable. It’s impossible in truth, from our hormones to the way our brains are wired, we are a sea of everything connecting intimately and when we put our attention toward something we “feel” all the memories of any other event that is similar.
To be a woman means to live in the dance of our own constant changing ocean.
The only thing consistent about a woman is her inconsistency and ability to feel everything from all of time as though it is right now.
Women were designed to be empathetic, feeling, caring, peace bringers who sometimes know that the only way to have peace is to allow a forest fire to rage first.
Men plant the seed and plan out the harvest.
Women water and nurture that harvest by moving with what mother nature brings, and that may mean that to have the harvest that the man has planned for and planted that the woman must be willing and supportive to whatever changes are needed to have it manifest.
This is why women carry children in their wombs and bear the pain of birthing them, while men plant the seed and protect the grounds that nurture the child.
In every way, a woman is required to be flexible.
She is required to step back from her own needs, wants, feelings, and even life desires often, because her core is to nurture. And you cannot nurture at this level without being agreeable for a major part.
AGREEABILITY IS THE CURSE OF A WOMAN
The unfortunate issue with a woman’s agreeability is that it makes her seem fake, manipulative, insecure, co-dependant, and inauthentic. If a woman’s agreeability is given to the hands of a mate that is not a good leader, strong in who he is but instead is egocentric, self-centered and hungry for only his own desires she can easily fall prey to supporting a man that will become a monster to her. This happens all too often and is a leading cause as to why you hear about so many women staying in unhealthy relationships or at very least finding themselves in one if not multiple. A woman will stay in an unhealthy relationship out of fear of being abandoned, or not believing that she deserves anything better, however she will also stay because she believes that if she has enough patience, love and support for her man that he will turn a corner and become what she always believed he could be.
Men who are confident and not requiring a woman to validate them in any fashion will be untrusting to the agreeable woman, wanting her to stand strong, confident and true to her own wants and needs. Believing that this is what is best for her, and will curb her stormy nature, creating a safer, more stable ground for him to build a future with her. Finding himself consistently offset by her feminine storms, overwhelming emotions, and his need to “fix” or problem solve what appears to be the latest problem, he will find himself exhausted by her storms, never realizing that no harvest comes without a few good rains.
OVERLY AGREEABLE WOMEN HAVE BEEN TRAINED THAT WAY
Yes, trained by society. By church and state, our school systems and Hollywood.
Women are consistently told how to look, speak, act and what we “should” be striving to be like.
In today’s world women are told to act like a man, but to be a sexy creature that holds power over men. We are told that we must do everything that men do, and do it better all the while still do all the things that women do. Think like a man, have no emotion but don’t forget to listen to your heart and want a family and commitment. Don’t let your husband tell you what to do, find a man that respects you by cowering down to you, but demand that your husband be a man that earns your respect as well. Let the boobies fly free, because it’s your right, but be angered at men being men and noticing, while flaunting the latest sexy selfie and eager to see if it’s the one that will go viral.
Overly agreeable can and often does mean, doing WHATEVER it takes to please everyone except the self, and often this can even mean not pleasing the one you are in relationship with.
Overly agreeable often means, taking the easier path and avoiding difficult conversations, which translates to not creating a space for authentic growth of self or the relationship.
Sure being agreeable is a skill that we can all work at getting a tad better at for the most part, and it is much needed to make a marriage work, to keep peace as a focus and create a nurturing ground where you can build a legacy from, however agreeability without boundaries, non-negotables and a love of self will only ever lead to pain, suffering and bitterness.
Women are agreeable by our very nature.
We are ever changing and we certainly adapt to the relationship that we are in, learning new aspects of ourselves, expanding our minds, hearts and perspectives. We women transform ourselves for our men, we are flexible sometimes to a fault and we often bite back our wants, needs, ideas, fears and dreams because we want a bigger picture that we only see in the arms of our man.
So the answer to the agreeable, adaptable, peace making woman?
Is a strong, compassionate, fierce leader of a man, who understands how powerful his woman’s force can be when venturing down a path that needs her full support with him as the anchor and guide and her heart as the compass.
It’s time for men to embrace their core leadership tendencies again and honor the core nurturing nature of their women who only aim to support.
It’s time for women to let go of the reigns of control, damning men who want to lead and protect as the toxic masculine, but in turn see their brilliance and power, their desire to lay safe passage to a bright future where both sexes align, building a life together based on their intrinsic natures.
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
-Rene’ (KW)