WHY WOMEN KEEP MEN IN ORBIT.
We women are like Saturn.
We have many moons in our orbit and these moons (although not 82 like Saturn most likely) are men. They are the men of our past. They are our male friends. They are our work husbands.
They are the men that we count as family even though they are not family. They are the men, the men that make us feel some way, give us something that our partner cannot.
Whether we admit it or not, almost every woman has a man or two if not ten in orbit.
And we count these orbiting men as innocent.
We do not see them as a threat because we can manage the relationship.
We believe that they can hold the boundary that we have placed and that they are good with exactly where we have put them.
Or, we simply are blind to the reality that the majority of the time, men only will orbit because they are hoping that our gravitational pull changes and draws them in closer to us for whatever reason.
A single woman keeps multiple men in her orbit for any reason from friendship, to safety, to having someone to help out financially or with a tire that needs changing. She may keep a guy on the back burner just in case she wants some drama free sex or needs a plus one for a work event. The reasons are endless, however the men that get to be in her orbit are there for a reason.
A coupled woman, although less likely to have as many men in orbit, still often have a few under the guise of friendship. Often a coupled woman will have her male friend at work and jokingly refer to him as her work husband, she can rely on him for many things and of course it is all needed to keep her sanity and job security. They are a team. It is innocent. She may also have friends or “extended family” that are men that hang out and are typically supportive in the mental and emotional fields for her, perhaps old friends from college or roommates. There have always been boundaries or if there were ever more intimate matters at hand, it was a thing of the past and has no impact on her couplehood.
So we women, with all of our reasons blindly and sometimes not so blindly keep men in our orbit for reasons that we can only understand and justify. Believing that our boundaries that we have said will maintain the container that we desire or at least want to paint the image of that we desire.
Reality is that ALL of these guys somehow feed us.
They feed us what we are lacking in our lives, single or coupled.
They provide us with outlets, support, engagement, turn on that we are not getting from the man that we are partnered with or our life.
And so, the true question for many women is how many men does it take to make up the perfect man?
Because we know that we cannot have it all in one package.
We do not trust that it is possible.
And our relationships of past and perhaps even current reveal to us the very truth of this.
Believing that we can maintain the situation, we disregard what we are actually doing to these men that orbit us.
We are giving them hope.
Hope that a door will crack open.
Hope that they will have an opportunity to be the knight in shining armour in some capacity to come in and save us, support us, help us, fix it for us or just hold space.
That our partner cannot fulfill.
And so we see no harm as women to sit down to coffee or lunch with our male friend that we dated back in college who is still single or has a relationship that he complains about the disconnect in.
We believe that if we confirm our love for our partner, or that we are in a serious relationship that our male friend will respect it and not have hope. He more than likely will respect it, but in the back of his mind he will be saying,
“Yeah, yeah… you might be happy and committed but here you are with me and where is your man now? If you are that fulfilled, that satisfied then why are you confiding in me? Why are you flirting with me? Why? Why? Why?”
You see no matter how badly we humans desire to be this evolved people, that can move past the physical desires, the primal natures… the truth is that we are all still primal at our core and we operate at a deep psychological and emotional level from this primal state.
We desire sex.
We desire power.
We desire connection.
We desire control.
And we are territorial.
The thing with that territorial nature is that the way to gain territory is to take over the lands of another. This is how you conquer.
The best takeovers are always done through patience, right in front of the face of your enemy and almost with their approval and support.
When a woman starts to rely on her male friends for more and more support, when she sees how he is always there for her, how he listens and supports, her heart opens to him and she gains trust in him. She has respect for him because he has been holding the boundaries and she believes that she can trust him.
As beautiful as that sounds it is the perfect breeding ground for a slow and precise takeover.
Ripe for the taking at the first opportunity of a door opening.
And the woman willingly will open that gateway.
The gravitational pull will quickly shift in the friend’s favor.
So what is a woman to do?
What is a man in a relationship with a woman with these moons in orbit supposed to do?
The first thing is to be aware and to not allow blindness out of fear of losing the friendships.
Be aware and communicate authentic truth with your partner.
Discuss the concerns.
Ladies, get real with yourselves about what is lacking in your relationship or life that you feel is being fulfilled from the relationships with the masculine that your man cannot give you. This Is a scary thing to consider, and no one person can ever be expected to fulfill every need of another, however if we do not get clarity around what is missing or has never been then we put ourselves and our relationships at risk of massive pain and suffering, even potential failure.
Many women proclaim that they don’t trust other women.
That they have always gotten along better with men than women.
That they are a tomboy, raised with brothers, etc. etc. and that guys understand them better.
Personally, I understand this very well and fall under these categories.
That said, awareness is key.
Truth is key.
Communication is everything.
And checking in with what relationship holds priority at any given time is vital to relationship success.
Going within and exploring what you are wanting and desiring, what is best for you and your commitments and being honest with yourself that men no matter how trusted a friend they are have a reason as to why they choose to remain in our orbit.
And it is more than likely in hope of being pulled into our atmosphere.
*Please note that this musing is written based on a majority perspective and of course understands that not all male/female relationships are rooted in sexual attraction or hopes.
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