WHEN WE ARE WILLING TO HARM OURSELVES FOR LOVE.
Or so we tell ourselves that this is what we are doing.
We say that we would do anything for the one that we love.
We say that we just want them to be happy.
We say that we are willing to put aside our needs, boundaries, wants, etc.
and often we do.
Then we sit back and let our love kick us in the gut with what they want.
We sit there watching them doing what they want,
what they “need” and what we agreed to but we question how it is possible for them to be alright with doing whatever it is,
TO US.
And what are we really wanting from our lover at this moment?
We are wanting them to put us first.
We are wanting to know that they would do the same for us.
Meaning not that they would offer the same experience back,
but that they would actually sacrifice this “thing” for us.
That they see us as enough.
That they desire us, just as is without whatever else they may be wanting.
We want them to see our pain and then not want us to be in it at their hand, so prevent it. Protect us.
We want to be the MOST IMPORTANT THING.
And yet we are so often quick to set aside ourselves and allow the space for our mates, our lovers to be themselves. To enjoy what they need and want, to get the healing that they need however they need…
and we do it willinging at the cost of our own self-esteem and respect.
Sadly once we humans start to allow our respect and esteem to be stripped away in relationships, we lose ourselves and in doing that we lose the intimacy and connection we once had to self and our partner thus we lose the relationship.
How can we expect our partner to respect us if we do not respect ourselves enough to set a healthy boundary and know when we are a NO?
So instead…
Not wanting to control our love.
Not wanting to be conditional.
Not wanting to appear weak or jealous.
We say yes.
A death sentence to most relationships.
Pain and bitterness build up with a sweet smile of fake acceptance and a nod of fake approval.
Our emotional bank accounts go in the red with each pain stabbing event that takes place,
and we wonder over time where the love went?
We wonder why it’s never enough giving and accepting?
We wonder when our pain will come to an end?
Or if it ever will.
Believing that we are strong enough to withhold,
we attempt to stand strong and support our partner.
But an empty beam has no strength to support anything substantial.
In the name of love we exhaust ourselves until we break.
THIS is the tale of so many love stories gone wrong.
In working with thousands of couples over the last couple decades I have repeatedly been witness to this traumatic saga.
There is hope.
There are solutions.
You can repair the shattered hearts and ego’s.
You can reconnect at a deep soul level and recapture trust and respect in your intimate relationship.
But it requires a desire to step out of the comfort and lies you are telling yourself that you are doing this for your love.
That this is what love is even.
Love is not about sacrificing yourself to the point of no return.
Love is not about denying yourself respect in a relationship.
Love is not about embracing constant pain from your mate.
A healthy, harmonious love relationship understands that we are in a relationship to heal at a deeper level.
It understands that we both enter a relationship with baggage and that that baggage will get triggered repeatedly by our mate.
It sees this, accepts this but knows that loving communication that is focused on problem solving NOT being right or understood is key to a successful, happy and soul connected relationship.
It knows that saying yes when we are a no of any level, will do more damage than good.
It does not play games of take away,
it does not hide from its truth or from confrontation.
It comes to the relationship wanting to connect deeper,
to love deeper and to expand in that love.
Relationship is said to be hard,
I believe that relationship is easy.
It’s not difficult getting into one,
It’s not even that difficult to get out of one.
What’s hard is communicating our authentic YES and NO and having faith that it will be accepted by our loved one.
What is even more challenging is consciously hearing in love our partners YES and NO.
Relationship is a clarifying tool to our lives,
It helps us to see who we really are, what we really want in life,
Where we have been settling for so little and how much expansion we have still to gain from.
True love centered relating comes from putting our ego’s to the side to the best of our abilities and wanting to hear and feel where our partner is at in any given situation. It is sitting in compassion with ourselves and our mate, not in pity, fear, shame, guilt or blame.
Realize that in times you fear loss and pain in your relationship that you are stepping away from your heart space, you are no longer hearing yourself or your partner authentically because your ego has run away with your ears and mouth. You are ten steps ahead of what they are trying to share because you are not being present with them or yourself but instead are assuming you already know and are trying to solve the problem alone. You did not arrive here alone! And you will never solve the problem as long as you are acting from the energy of the problem.
Look into your heart today and see where you are stepping away from your heart, away from your relationship and love and allowing yourself to act from pain.
How is this serving your relationship?
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Ready to claim your life back from suffering, fear, doubt and misfortune? Ready to call in the love relationship you desire. The abundance you crave for and the joy you know can be yours.
This Is what I have worked with thousands of people like yourself to have over the last two decades. Reach out to me today.