EFFING SICK & TIRED OF THE WOKE, CONSCIOUS, DIVINE REAL MAN EPIDEMIC I HEAR FROM BOTH SEXES….
Such utter bullshiz!
It’s a hot topic, right.
Every woman wants just this. A man that is “in touch” with his emotions, spiritually aware, above all the other jokers out there who are not “real” men. A man who will be strong, but not too strong because he better not effing step on her toes, be a good daddy figure, but let her rule the roost, but still know how to support and romance.
Today we have a society of women and men who believe that this ideal that we have concocked is “good and desired” and then we wonder why we do not respect, truly love and trust our partners. We wonder why we are not happy.
Pretty stinking easy to figure out.
We have created an imbalance to the polarities of men and women.
Masculine and feminine.
And we have done just this through the use of becoming “spiritual.”
Gods and goddesses.
Kings and queens.
Divine masculine and feminine.
Conscious lovers.
Woke society.
Can’t you see it?
We are condemning our relationships through judgement, comparison and spiritual labeling as to what is real or not. What is good or not. A man who is just being a (do I dare say it???) a normal dude, average guy, just human is no longer acceptable. Well, maybe he has never been acceptable in truth, I mean men have always had to show what they could offer, their love and ability to get into relationship and partnership with a woman has mostly been based on what value he provides, not what his heart is about, or her heart. Not about love but the value.
Just like we women have long been looked at for our sex and ability to bare children.
In today’s world however, women don’t need men as much for what they can bring to the financial support or safety table of relationship so they are now looking at men to be emotional support, girlfriends with extra tools to use when needed, fathers who are emotionally sensitive and don’t mind changing a diaper or staying home with the kids.
In truth, none of this is bad.
Our world of today certainly requires a couple to support each other on all fronts, especially with child rearing and house chores.
The best relationships and partnerships are always found with the mate that you call your best friend. So it is natural to have and want emotional support from your partner and even expect it more today than in times past. It is required in fact.
With that said, we women tend to really mess up our men in relationships and stir insecurities knowingly and unknowingly. A lot of it has to do with the reality that we attempt to relate to our man as though he is a woman, not understanding that we are triggering him and placing judgement, comparison, and using toxic communication to tell him he is not enough or good enough.
We can say all day long that he should not be so sensitive…
Lol, we want a sensitive dude that is tuned into his emotions but we don’t want him to be sensitive about our unkind communication that we are not aware of.
I hear so many women get frustrated with their man’s ego sensitivity.
They quickly gaslight the situation with a pointing of the fingers to, “well he should just not feel that way, that’s immature of him.”
And then the true gut wrenching statements come out.
“If he were a real man then he would not act/feel/say/do this or that.”
Or…
“A conscious man/woke man/divine masculine, would be mature enough to see this, tap into his enlightened whatever and shut up and feel what I am saying or how I am feeling.”
So this “quality” or “bracket” of man is feeling, but not too feeling, knows always what to do and say? Always puts his stuff to the side for his partner?
It’s all a bunch of bunk.
And we women do not respect that sort of guy.
We respect a man who knows who he is, has purpose in his life and direction, can see his mistakes, is not afraid to fail and get back up, can tap into his heart but not get washed over by emotions. We want to be protected, supported, led, seen and heard and opened up by our man. However none of this is possible if we women slam our men to the ground with such comparisons as I see happening and consistently telling them they are not good enough.
Recently, I have been oh so aware of my own old programs relating to men.
I find myself triggered sometimes with my partner and sometimes unaware of falling into old wounds and loops, but then when I become conscious of what has happened I am often surprised to discover that he was triggered into a wound as well, and not by the event that was happening but by my poor choice of words.
I am frequently reminded that healthy communication is all in the delivery.
Just the other day I fell into an old wound of feeling like my partner was telling me what I felt and thought and I shot off coldly my boundary around my feelings. I told him with shortness and almost a mama bear tone to not do this. I had zero feeling toward what he was sharing and how he was triggered, thus his concerns coming up in what we were sharing with each other. I got caught in my wound and spoke from it which in turn created an unkind toxic communication back to him. Luckily for us, we are both hyper focused on rising above such things and working toward happiness instead of “being right” in a communication. So it was washed to the side pretty quickly.
If our relationship were different, if we each were not always focused on developing ourselves and being as raw and real with each other as possible, and not wanting to truly hear and feel where each other are at, this would have turned out differently.
My statement from my wound would have created a ripple effect and he could have taken it more like a command, a stern parenting, shaming even of my disapproval and thus turned that into I was disapproving of him. Even though that was the furthest thing from the truth, which would have created a backslash of emotionally immature communication to happen where we would have felt great separation and fear seep into our relationship.
Such statements as,
“Don’t interrupt me, I am….”
“Let’s get directions.”
“Oh, gosh are you one of those guys who can’t get directions?”
“Such a guy thing to do…”
“Well my old lover/partner/guy I dated always did….”
“I wish you could listen to me the way (insert male friend/old lover here) does/did.”
“Why don’t you just hire someone to do that?”
“No, I got this. I will just take it into the….”
“You’re doing that wrong..”
“You don’t know my body.”
“You don’t feel me.”
“I don’t feel you.”
“A real man would….”
“A conscious/divine/woke man would….”
Don’t get me wrong here. Men have a way of putting their foot in their mouth as well and being insensitive A-holes. And in truth, these statements I share here are brought on because men have not been taught how to pay attention, how to deal with their emotions, and in today’s world men don’t know what it means to be a man any longer. They are damned in all directions and it’s quite defeating for our men to just try and be “good men.”
I find that compassion and grace are the healing agents to figuring out how to best communicate.
Putting ourselves quickly into the receiving of the statement that we are tempted to make often allows us to step back and say, “Wow, that might hurt.”
If we can see the judgement, criticalness, labeling, shaming or guilting of our statements then we can choose to either reword it to get our actual message across better or choose to not share, because it may just do damage and create insecurity in the person and relationship.
Such as the statement of, “A real man would…”
Or “You are not doing it right.”
We women tend to tell our men they are not touching us right, kissing us right, listening to us right, making love to us right, supporting us right. However, we do it from the critical point instead of the space of communication based in love. Something I have learned is “seed planting.” When my partner does something that I really enjoy/need/want I make sure to tell him that I really liked it and how it made me feel. I compliment the good and ignore the not good. Now, if the not good is painful ( say a sexual exploration) I do not hold back from saying “ouch” or “Less pressure” or “softer.” I do not let him believe that its good when I am truly needing a change up. But my communication is closed ended and clear. I do not say shaming statements or critical judgments and I do not bring those times back up unless he says something to me. We are all human. We error. We get caught up in things and we can never know what someone else is feeling or experiencing, so there is no need to condemn the one we love for being human. This is where the grace part comes in.
When looking at our bedroom life, there is no deeper wound a woman can make than to tell a man that he does not know what he is doing here. The quickest way to humiliate a man is to kick him in the bedroom with his skill, presence or stamina. All of these tell him he is inadequate as a lover, in pleasing you, bringing you pleasure and thus he is not good enough. Granted many men need some help with skill, presence and stamina, but if you focus on the good and don’t fake your orgasm but instead share how much you really enjoyed the connection, the touch, how he took his time here or here, I promise you that he will want to be his best. Men want to be their woman’s hero.
Men feel on top of the world when they see their woman in rapture.
But fack rapture followed up with irritation and slamming him into the ground when you finally share the truth is detrimental. If you are going to share a negative with your guy, do it outside of the oment of sex or intimacy and DO NOT compare through a story of an old lover. (palm to the head). The same holds true if you are wanting more intimacy emotionally with your guy. Realize that he will only lean in and trust you with his heart and emotions if he knows that you trust him to lead. Meaning that you are not questioning if you need to stop and get directions or should hire out to do what he wants to do for you, the home, family or other.
Its all interwoven.
We can not correct our man over wanting to be a man and fix things even if he fails at fixing it, and then think that he will be able to hold space for us to vent all our garbage to him and just say the right thing or have the best answer for wherever we are at the moment.
We cannot compare him to friends, old lovers or others and not expect him to show some insecurity, jealousy and even distance. After all men are territorial typically, especially if they see long term with you and they will quickly question if you care more for this other man then them or if you are attracted in any way to the other guy. They will see how you “value” the other man’s whatever and are shrinking them and their value. Creating a barrier to trust and security in your relationship and emotional connection.
What we women need to understand is that often our communication is unkind to men.
We do not give the respect and understanding because we want our men to be able to be egoless as if the ego is ever going anywhere and/or as though a man with an ego intact is low vibe, not divine or conscious and certainly not part of the woke society. What we do not realize is that we all have ego’s. And those who are proclaiming their “high vibe, enlightened” state of being have some of the biggest and they are still men, wanting what all men want.
Feminine connection, physical connection, safety in a woman.
Partnership with the right woman.
His ego is not going anywhere.
Nor is yours.
Kind delivery in our communication is vital however to a happy relationship and partnership.
Learning to not compare, criticize, mother, shame or guilt are just loving things to do do for anyone we love, especially our man.
Our partner.
Our soulmate.
Our best friend.
Let him be your hero.
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Ready to say YES! To your soulmate relationship today?
That’s what I have been helping countless individuals do for the last two decades and now it is your turn. Reach out to me today to explore 1:1 coaching