DESIRABLE DOES NOT MEAN ACCEPTED.
Today I was speaking to a man that told me that he thought that I was a highly desirable woman.
Yesterday I was having lunch with a man who told me that he just thinks that the rest of the world looks at me the way he does and sees me in that way.
A few days ago, I was working with a man who said, “Wow, if I could just find someone like you.”
Last week an old lover of mine told me that he never stopped desiring and loving me.
And a few years ago a man who crept into my space and heart told me how desirable I was, and he did so daily for some time.
Prior to him, there were a few more men who claimed the same.
And they all said that they loved me for who I was,
for my radiance, my glow, my light.
They loved how playful and turned on I was to life.
They loved witnessing me with my family,
and watching me teach classes.
They loved my out of the box ways, even though it made them breathe, because they knew that it meant that they needed to grow and that they wanted to be a better man by being around me.
All of these men said that I awoke them to a greater understanding of who they were,
I brought desire back into their lives,
and they never expected that from a relationship in this way.
Each of these men,
beautiful, dynamic men,
from my past are just that…
from my past.
They are not in my current nor in my future,
and even though I hold great love and gratitude for each of them for the lessons that we shared and what they awoke inside of me,
they all share one thing in common outside of believing that I am desirable.
And that is that they could not ever fully accept me.
Yes that highly desirable woman,
that goddess on her knees,
that siren in the bedroom,
that nurturing caring woman who loves her family dearly,
that coach, presenter, teacher who has passion without edge for her work,
that outspoken, take no shit,
got no f-cks left to give about how you view me desirable woman,
who loves to play, has a big heart,
struggles with her own insecurities and fears,
her own lack of worthiness and shame,
but does her damn work each and every day,
because that is the only thing that keeps her going strong.
Yes that desirable woman.
They could not really embrace.
They loved all those pieces,
they wanted me to hold them up,
to be all of me.
To shine as bright as the north star in the heavens.
And loved the light that cascaded down on them.
But they could not handle it. They feared it in truth.
That highly desirable woman.
well there was one great issue they had not conceived of yet,
that on their arm there I was.
Still highly desirable,
not just by them but by many.
and because my light attracted others,
this they feared.
so without understanding,
they all chose their own way to hide from the light,
or maybe better to dim the light as to make it not as attractive to all the competition.
And so the timeless story of boy meets girl,
boy falls in love with girl,
boy gets girl,
boy kills girl,
Not an actual physical death in my case,
but a killing of my radiance over time.
Through fear, shame, guilt, manipulation and falsities,
These men of my past have all fallen prey.
In their deep love and admiration of all that I am and can be,
they could not stand in the light and feel strong in the knowledge that others saw it too.
And so they ventured to take the star down from the heavens to keep it safe.
Not understanding that it was the death of the star or of the relationship with the star.
Now, some of these men would tell you that they fully accepted me, others would be more truthful and admit that it was too much for them,
they all would say that they had no desire to actually put out or even dim the light.
Because they loved that light and they all wanted me to be the best me that I could ever be.
They would tell you that it was not me that they did not fully accept, it was instead some of my ways, some of my beliefs, some of my desires or needs.
They would tell you that I triggered their past wounds.
They would tell you that I triggered their insecurity.
They would tell you that I was too outspoken, or out of the box in my relating.
They would tell you that it takes a lot to hang with me,
to breathe into some of the conversations that happen on a daily, moment to moment basis,
or that my flirty natural state of being was concerning.
They would tell you all of these things.
And they would say it was those things that caused the issues.
And I say what about those things are any different then the list above that you loved and desired so?
it is the triggers, the wounds, the fears and insecurities.
That is what is different.
And therefore these beautiful, lovely, dynamic men of my past simply could never accept me for their own inner saga of thoughts turning to emotions and leading down the path of needing me to “just not be so bright.”
Well at least not so bright for anyone but them.
Just shine on me.
because it was the competition,
the fear of losing the highly desirable woman that they had on their arm and in their bed that was actually the issue.
And since that was linked to me,
Well the solution was simple…
STOP BEING SO DAMN DESIRABLE.
Surely then they would feel safe.
They would be happy.
They could feel strong, stable and confident.
Just so long as I was not so desirable.
So wanted by others.
Change who you are babe,
but don’t change a thing.
Be you 100% babe,
just don’t make me feel insecure by being you.
Be confident, playful, sexy babe,
but only behind closed doors where others will not want for you.
I love the way you look babe,
But don’t look that way in public.
Yes these lovely men from my past,
love them I certainly do,
and so many men out there believe that they love their highly desirable woman fully as well,
but I ask you if that is true?
Can you feel strong and confident in her presence?
Can you feel strong and confident in the knowing that she is wanted by others but chooses you?
Can you feel your power more intensely by being with her,
or do you shake inside and feel the need to fight to keep all others at bay?
Does her beauty and intelligence scare you?
Her lack of need shakes fear to your core?
Does the fact that you cannot control her fluster and irritate?
These are the questions my love.
These you must answer truthfully,
for if you answer in accordance to keep her but it is not your truth,
you will only lose her all the quicker.
THE DESIRABLE IS OFTEN NOT ACCEPTED,
This is the reality of life.
we desire to alter to our wishes,
believing that we can hold it without question,
believing that we have what it takes,
and so we lie about our truth,
we fall prey to fear and triggers,
but we forget that the answer is always the same…
unconditional love and acceptance,
is the foundation to everything beautiful and long term.
It cannot be forced.
It can not be faked.
You either have it or you don’t and if you don’t it means that you need to go within and find it for yourself before you can ever proclaim it for another.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
*Photo Credit @DandeLionImages