IS YOUR COUPLEHOOD-PRIVILEGE CAUSING ISSUES IN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS?

 

🌹👩‍❤️‍👨👉IS YOUR COUPLEHOOD-PRIVILEGE CAUSING ISSUES IN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS?

 

It should not be, but it often does in today’s world.

 

This has been a BIG topic as of late and so here I am sharing it with you. I have heard everything from,

 

“Well your kids should be your primary relationship.”

“Is sex the only thing that changes things?”

“Why does your primary relationship have to be your mate/spouse/person you are dating-living with? Why can’t it be a friend?”

“It’s not fair that you spend the majority of your time/attention focused on your husband/wife/girlfriend/boyfriend, what about us/me?”

 

And so many more statements.

I have heard it from monogamous folks, polyomourous folks, and anything inside or outside of this as well. The children, friends, secondary lovers, family members of these couples are all complaining about…

 

👉👩‍❤️‍👨COUPLEHOOD-PRIVILEGE👩‍❤️‍👨👈

 

As if it’s a bad thing.

 

I mean how dare a couple choose each other, make each other a priority, want to focus time, attention, thought on each other and design a life together where they “do life in all ways – TOGETHER.”

 

How dare they make each other PRIMARY!

 

That is so self-centered and selfish of them, right?😂🤣😂

 

Well, the world around us with its desire to strip away labels and make everyone equal and the same certainly would have you believing so, however it’s just not true.

 

I believe that this sort of mindset comes from the same lineage as the one of , “There should be no winners or losers, we are all participants here and need to be treated equally. That’s the only fair thing.”

 

Well baby, life is extremely fair no matter what, I can promise you that.

Life gives you EXACTLY what you put into it.

The problem is that our society has come into this belief that things need to be equally balanced and fair where no one gets their ‘feelings’ hurt and no one gets more of anything (including your love, attention, time in a committed relationship).

 

👉If that were so, then what the heck is the point of getting into a committed relationship?

 

👉Why even look for love or want partnership?

 

And to a great degree what we are witnessing in the dating realm these days is just this…

 

💥A RISE IN CASUAL RELATIONSHIP.💥

 

No one wants to ask of someone else their needs.

People are afraid to share their boundaries.

They don’t want to impose on anyone else, because after all what right do they have to ask anything of the person they are wanting to be intimate with, share time and space with, make plans with, have babies with, go into debt with?

 

Instead, they just stay hushed up.

And this keeps relationships casual, disconnected, superficial and empty.

 

We fear asking because we don’t want to upset the cart, but what we don’t realize is that we are upsetting our own cart.

 

We are not loving or valuing ourselves and what we need and desire in a relationship when we do not state clearly these things.

 

And yet what do we see, with all the hushing and fear, we also have a bunch of extreme vocal victim mindset people out there, first in line to point fingers and blame as to how “others” are not being fair by not being inclusive.

 

They should not be allowed to do/be/have/act in any fashion that is not okay with whomever this complaining victim person is.

 

And it shows up in relationships.

 

Recently I was working with a couple who is monogamous, the wife has a best friend that is female, they are as close as can be, like sisters. Beautiful right?

However, the wife focuses more attention, time, energy to that friendship than she does to the marriage. To her husband. And if he asks for time, a date, or even travel, the wife says, “Well what about Jenny? I told her I was going to do this or that.”

 

The husband frustrated and feeling abandoned in the relationship is on the cusp of looking outside the relationship for other intimacy. After years of this attitude from his beloved wife he is truly struggling. As one might imagine.

 

The wife will make excuses to him about the fact that her friend being single needs her, she does not  have support and companionship like a couple so the wife feels it important to take her friend out to drinks and shows, on ‘girls trips’ multiple times a year.

 

👉THIS IS NOT HEALTHY FOR THE MARRIAGE!

 

Many women get enwrapped in their female friendships.

They support their fellow women as a sister-hood and it truly is beautiful and powerful. We ladies need this.

 

The issue comes in when we make our female friendships our priority to our partnership with our spouse/ the one we are dating and committed to.

 

Simply put,

 

👊YOUR FOCUS SHOULD ALWAYS FALL TO THE ONE YOU ARE WANTING TO DO LIFE WITH.👊

 

Otherwise, you won’t be doing life with them very long. 😳

or at least it will not be happy, connected, intimate, in sync or deep.

 

People get thier booty tickled over not being primary in someone’s life, they feel as though they are just cast away and mean nothing if they are not the center of attention or getting what they deem appropriate time and energy from whomever they want it from. This happens to all of us somewhere along the line, however the emotionally mature soul will understand that we are designed to have ONE primary partner.

 

In a partnership/marriage/intimate relationship this should be the person you are committed to here. ( Monogamous or polyomourous, does not matter.) THIS person gets the majority of the time and ALL others, children, friends, family, other lovers, etc are SECONDARY.

 

Yes dear, it’s a hierarchy and it is to be such so that the primary partnership remains just that – PRIMARY AKA PRIORITY.👊💥👊

 

Putting your priorities anywhere else for very long in a committed relationship will hinder and cause major long term issues in the relationship.

 

I have heard a lot about the negativity of hierarchy in partnership/committed relationships, to be honest I don’t see an issue unless it is being used as though one partner is boss over the other. That is not a partnership to begin with. Partnership means discussions, communication is key, transparency is a must and loving self, respecting yourself enough to speak those truthful words to your partner is a requirement in a happy, healthy partnership. It only becomes an unhealthy hierarchy if one person is fearful of losing the other if they are authentically themselves. If one partner feels they need to hide, change or become something to keep the partnership then it becomes an unbalanced hierarchy.

 

But a hierarchy it still should be.

A family cannot be equal where all family members get to have equal say and rights in making decisions. If we allow our ten year old to decide on family direction then things may be lost in the land of Minecraft. If you put your financial future into the hands of your 16 year old then how well will your golden years fair? And if you just give, give, give to your children, you will exhaust yourself and only find that your children are ungrateful and expectant not understanding real life issues at all.

 

Friendships cannot overrule your partnership either.

They must be secondary. They are friendships and if you feel called to give more here than to your life partner, you might want to reevaluate your partnership, because you are obviously not committed, in love or aligned the way you once were.

 

In an open relationship, if you allow your secondary partner(s) to become the focus point of your life, they will become your primary partner and your primary partner will be gone to someone who will value them properly.

 

In ALL couplehood the “couple” is a UNIT. 

It must be that two become ONE.(the hierarchy)

Having each other’s backs or losing each other to the wolves of all the other relationships that no matter how loving and supportive those outside relationships are, have themselves in mind and at the forefront of their focused desire.

 

YOU MUST DECIDE WHAT YOUR PRIORITY IS.

Where you put your attention will show the truth.

 

Is your couplehood-privilege causing issues in your other relationships? It certainly might be with the way our world operates, but if you truly love your partner, want to do all of life with them and want to know you have each other’s backs….

 

👉Set boundaries.

👉Have difficult conversations with those asking you to give, give, give.

👉get clear on what your couplehood goals and desires are.

👉And clean your relationship house up! Don’t be afraid to take out the trash of the relationships that cannot support your couplehood-privilege or are making demands on you that can destroy the love you have with your partner.

 

As Always,

Loving you from here,

 

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

Helping dynamite powerful souls like yourself discover love and fulfilment is what my passion is. Over the last two decades I have worked with hundreds of women & men such as yourself to call in their soulmate by aligning to their truth. I have guided countless couples not to just rekindle a love that they thought was lost, but to create an empowered turned on and fully aligned partnership based in love with 8 simple steps. If you are a woman or man who is looking for happiness, love and abundance in life and is sick and tired of just getting by, reach out to me for a FREE Clarity Call today where we will define exactly what is holding you back, what you are wanting to call in and the next best steps to achieve your desired life. Message me to set up your FREE Clarity Call today.

I’LL LOVE YOU RIGHT OUT THE DOOR.

👉👉🤯I’LL LOVE YOU RIGHT OUT THE DOOR!👈👈
What a topic this seems to be.
And yet not.
We are living in a world that wants unconditional love.
Free love and acceptance.
We want to be able to have our cake and eat it too.
And I have been an advocate of this movement for a decade!
Only to turn around and say WTF!
So today I am going to share with you my thoughts and conversations on my recent road trip to Kansas City and back home.
It all started with a few posts about the polyomourous lifestyle.
Open relationships and what’s good or not good.
And then it drifted into the ideas and desires of our relationship world that has so many believing that it’s best to have multiple relationships and not tie down a partner.
Because after all…
🦄IF YOU LOVE SOMETHING SET IT FREE.🥰
So here is the jist of what I read from someone else + my added feelings about it…. please imagine that my words are in red… they are actually in parenthesis.
💥“One of the most important things you’ll ever do in your relationship is set your partner free.” (Beautiful sentiment and so true… I couldn’t agree more… what sort of freedom are we talking about?)
💥“An insecure person may interpret that as setting them free to be with someone else or setting them free to run the street! Or simply free to get away from you.” (You can never force someone to stay with you, unless you are using actual force or mental/emotional/financial abuse to some measure. At the end of the day we are all “free” to be with someone or not. Married or not. Setting someone free does not mean you are saying “fine leave me… or is it? because perhaps, and the point behind this article, sometimes that’s exactly what it means. Perhaps the most loving thing is to set your partner free to leave you. – Free to run the street? What does that mean? to hook up as they like? to do drugs/drink/hang with the wrong crowd and bring nothing but drama and trauma back to the home? IDK about you, but that’s not love to allow a loved one, partner or child/sibling/friend to do that. intervention might be needed. Free to have sex with whom ever they choose???? And this is what it comes down to, right?
But this is called defining the relationship. It’s called being aligned. It’s called knowing what you want in a partner and what your most loving self-boundaries are… did you hear that? 👉SELF-BOUNDARIES👈 not I love you so much that I will let you stomp all the f-ck over me telling me that if I don’t say yes to your desire that I don’t love you. As for the insecure part of this statement, well not sure there… Are your needs in a relationship coming from your need to control another person or from your desire to protect your relationship and did you priorly discuss the above items only to have them changed on you?)
💥“But when you love something you don’t smother it, you don’t restrict it, you don’t try to control it! When you love something you want to see it reach its full potential, to be as happy as possible, whether you’re part of creating that happiness or not.”
(ABSOF-CKINGLUTLY!!!! – however why is it that if someone asks for exclusivity with someone that is related to smothering, controlling, handicapping the other? Why is it okay for one side to ask for the other to just put their boundaries/needs/etc down and even risk their health so that another can just pretend to be single yet have all the rewards of a committed couplehood? Well it’s not okay! And either side you sit on, if you are requiring your partner to be/do/act/allow something that they themselves are a f-ck no too, then you are on the un-loving side. 👈Thats is self-centered and immature. Plain and simple, if you are dating a dog🐶 but you are cat 🐱then stop expecting the dog to be good with your cat needs and desires!!!!! and vise versa. Date your species… marry your species! Do you want happiness? Do you want compatibility? do you want to feel understood, seen, heard, loved, accepted, respected? well it comes down to box checks my luv… get right with how you do relationship and what you want in a relationship. Know where you are at in life, and I speak this to you from a deep understanding as I was monogamous and VERY unhappy for almost two decades, then I was polyomourous for a decade, then I went back to monogamous because I was tired….lol yet I was still ‘playing around and not serious in relationship’ THEN I met someone… and I knew at my core it was time to get REAL, to level up my relating and to go deep like I never went before. And you know what changed it all? 🤯ALIGNMENT & HEART CONNECTION🙏I knew it was real for the first time in my life, what I had was worth saying no to the surface level sexing, relating, connecting and my own solitude and individuality. That’s how you know luv!!!)
💥“Setting my partner free to me means allowing them to do what they want to do, have the friends they want to have that make them happy, and support their dreams and aspirations, even if it takes away from us!” – (OKAY… yes to some of this but here are my thoughts, do what you want to do, sure as long as it does not cause trauma/drama/chaos/or sabotage you, me or us. Friends that make them happy… absolutely, as long as we both understand that oposite sex friends can and often do cause issues in relationship. Opposite sex friendships on both sides are doorways waiting to be entered, so be careful because they may actually be your backup line incase our relationship does not work out and just waiting for an opportunity to support you better than me. BTW, that’s called protecting the relationship… if you value it that is and know that your partner is worth the protection. Support dreams and aspirations, well hell yes… did you know that watching your partner do what they love and are good at is one of the ways we build desire for our mates. Seeing them shine is a connective agent and is a win-win for both parties. It allows us to have healthy space and see our partner in a different light. 👉☠Even if it takes away from us☠👈. Yes, this is a death statement. Granted in life and in relationship there are phases to everything and sometimes that means we have to work longer hours to achieve our goals and this may for a time frame take away from the us factor, however this needs to be discussed and agreed upon, and IF both parties are emotionally mature and centered in who they are, not needing constant build up and attention from their partner, then there should be little to no issue. Goals and dreams are good for the whole. If ones partner wants to put more time into another relationship, such as a friendship or if you are in an open relationship a secondary partner, THEN you have to question what does my partner value more? Who is primary? A friendship or secondary lover SHOULD NEVER take primary relationship status unless your primary is not cutting it and you are walking out. If you claim to be in love with your partner and that they are your significant other, you are exclusive with them, they are your primary relationship then realise that, that means that most of your time and attention will be focused toward them. If it’s any other way then you are asking for unalignment to form.
💥“The mistake that many of us make is that once we get in a relationship we make our partners world smaller… not bigger!” – (TRUE THAT!!!!! but not by asking for alignment. Not by having healthy agreed upon boundaries in all areas. Not by defining the relationship to what BOTH parties want and desire. We only make our partner’s world smaller by forcing our will on them and not accepting that if they say otherwise that they don’t love us unconditionally or at all.)
🤯🥰🥰THIS FREE SPIRITED OPEN MINDED AND RELATIONSHIP WOMAN would say bye-bye to her man in two seconds if he wanted a secondary partner or if he requested from me something that was harming to my mind, heart, body or soul. And he would do the same if the tides were turned… this I am certain.
I know what open relating is about, after a decade of living and breathing, teaching it, I get it.
AND I THINK ITS POWERFUL AND BEAUTIFUL.
But it is just as controlling as monogamy if your partner is not aligned to you.
In truth, it teaches great communication skills.
It teaches all about transparency and jealousy.
It gives you permission to explore and get to know yourself like no monogamous relationship will allow.
But once you know who you are and you know what you want,
you certainly might find out that you are sick and tired of the game playing and the uncertainty of always knowing that your love may just walk right out the door and say, “You knew what you were getting into, you should not have become so attached.”
Well my luv, detachment is a powerful tool for sure.
But when we speak of love, commitment and soulmates…
YOU MUST BE WILLING TO IMMERSE yourself fully into that other soul, into the relationship and thus yourself.
Meaning that you will no longer settle for what is not aligned and allow your love to be greater for another than yourself.
From here you will love them right out the door, because they are not your home.
As Always,
Loving you from here.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Helping dynamite powerful souls like yourself discover love and fulfilment is what my passion is. Over the last two decades I have worked with hundreds of women & men such as yourself to call in their soulmate by aligning to their truth. I have guided countless couples not to just rekindle a love that they thought was lost, but to create an empowered turned on and fully aligned partnership based in love with 8 simple steps. If you are a woman or man who is looking for happiness, love and abundance in life and is sick and tired of just getting by, reach out to me for a FREE Clarity Call today where we will define exactly what is holding you back, what you are wanting to call in and the next best steps to achieve your desired life. Message me to set up your FREE Clarity Call today.

5 Secret Turn-Ons To Seduce A High Quality Man.

 

👊👊🌹5 Secret Turn-Ons To Seduce A High Quality Man🌹👊👊

 

Last night over dinner I looked at my man and asked him,

“What have I done differently than other women that makes you want to commit so deeply and go all in with me?”🤔

 

He responded with, “So much.”

 

And then I began to think about it.

I thought of how just this last week he and I were in Half Price Books looking for Viktor Frankl’s book, Man’s Search for Meaning, when we found ourselves drifting up and down the psychology, spiritual, health, finance and self-growth aisles. Inquiring with each other what we had explored in our past. Having read so many of the same books or similar minds we found ourselves once again connecting and understanding each other’s views and why we mirror one another in so many ways.

 

As I looked at this tiny moment from last week I realized that THIS was just it…

 

👉🤯WE ARE BOTH ATTRACTED TO THE MIRROR.👈😍

 

That mirror being that we match each other on so many levels.

It is far past our attraction to one another’s physical or the chemistry that we certainly have.

 

Our lives have brought us through multiple relationships in our past that taught each of us what we valued and what we did not desire in a partnership. Which is often the case as we emotionally mature through our lives.

 

You see often in relationships we find ourselves calling in the opposite of what we want and we cannot figure out 👉WHY👈?

 

It has to be like this.

As long as we resist doing the inner work and remain emotionally immature, focused on only “me” and being right, a victim to life in essence and not taking responsibility for our emotions and the events in our lives then we MUST call in the opposite of what we desire and want so that we can enhance our clarity and build up our emotional maturity.

 

As we mature in the heart and mind and do the inner work to connect us deeper to our soul we start to find different attributes attractive then what we use too.

 

Beauty changes in our eyes. 🌹

 

The other day when we were walking around the bookstore chatting about our reading history and thoughts on topics, one of the books that popped out on the shelves was, “The Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz.” We have both read it and it bears with it one of the sexiest things a woman can do to turn-on a man and get him to think long term about her.

 

💋💃🔥CONSISTENCY – This really just always comes back to actions match words and you are consistent about what you say, how you think and the way you act.  The majority of people ( male and female) have challenges around this vital ingredient to building a lasting relationship because they suffer from the belief or thinking of:

“I’m not good enough.”

“I’m not likable or lovable.”

THIS very thought process makes it difficult for the majority of people to be, as The Four Agreements puts it, impeccable with their word.

 

👊Yet this single thing is sexy AF when a man or woman portrays it!

 

💋💃🔥BEING A MF GROWN UP! – Adulting has a heck of a lot more to do with how we play with others then with paying bills and holding a job. Although these things are vitally needed as well, in the land of the heart and emotional maturity, adulting has more to do with 👉HOW WE FIGHT👈.

It’s called conflict resolution.

And the vast majority of people operate from the land of, “I am right, you are wrong.” This is all based in ego and again a need to be validated by another in some fashion.

 

👊What’s ever so attractive is a person who can be an actual grown up and listen as well as accept that the other party’s point is true for them.

 

When both parties can do this for each other you can communicate from a higher vibration based in love and a desire to find resolution versus being right and having the other agree that you are right.

 

There is nothing worse than to find yourself in a mis-communication or some form of friction with your partner and have them tell you that YOU are misconstruing things or are wrong in how you remember it, see it or feel about it. This only builds walls between the two of you, not bridges.

 

Being able to see that others’ views and feelings are just where they are and that you can agree to disagree because you are individuals with different  takes is highly seductive and attractive in looking at a lifelong mate.

 

Being a MF Grown Up is NOT about being right and maintaining the friction until the other person caves to your way of seeing or feeling about something. That is not love based nor emotional maturity. Finding resolution in the relationship is however.

 

💋💃🔥 EASY TO BE A ROUND-  No one enjoys being around someone who has a stick up their booty. It’s simple, friendliness, authentic friendliness not that sugar coated fake stuff is a turn-on.

When a person is uptight, anxious, scared of their own shadow and aquard about doing life and relating it reveals the wounds that they have not yet conquered and dealt with.

 

👉The energy we portray says everything about our inner scape.

 

If you are a woman (or a man) who “thinks” they are easy to get along with, has a big heart but no one accepts it, calls yourself friendly but when you are trying to do a relationship you find yourself getting the opposite of what you want and desire?

 

Look no further than the wounds that you bare still and keep coming back too.

 

You know what they are.

It’s what holds your bitterness, your anger, your pity party, your envy and makes you feel insecure.

Want to authentically be friendly and easy going, let go of that high maintenance attitude… then deal with your inner BS.

Until you do this you will continue to feel like no one appreciates your heart and intentions, cares or values what you have to offer. That jaded view will hold you back from fully embracing your confidence, your own self-love and acceptance and  will make your childish attempts at being seductive, attractive and turned-on to life empty and laughable.

 

👊People who authentically smile from within and love life, feel good in their own skin are attractive AF!

 

💋💃🔥BRING JOY NOT DRAMA – #1 desire of men and what the vast majority will put on their dating profile.

“Looking for a drama free woman.”

 

A high quality man (meaning an emotionally mature man) knows that he is not responsible for you emotionally. 🤯🤯🤯

 

And he finds it DAMN Sexy when you get this too!

He is not wanting you to babysit him or mother him and he does not want to have to take care of you in this fashion either.

This is an extreme level of neediness A.K.A High Maintenance that emotionally mature men don’t find attractive.

 

He wants you to know that you are beautiful, powerful, radiant, sexy AF, a queen without him. If he is what validates these things for you then YOU ARE NOT THEM!!!👊

 

And you will jot have joy streaming from your soul.

Drama happens in life.

It happens to all of us.

What a high value man is looking for in a lifelong partnership and love is a woman who does not look at how she can create it but instead how much joy she can bring into life with or without him and this joy for her life also manifests into her making his heart smile by just being her.

 

💋💃🔥HEALTHY LIFESTYLE =SEXY AF! – Anyone who says that the physical does not matter is blowing smoke up your booty. We are all human and our bodies matter and anyone who counts themselves as being self-loving, accepting and high vibe that is not taking care of their temple is full of malarkey, to say the least.

 

👊Healthy eating, exercise, mindset, taking care of self and wanting to look good, feel good is sexy AF!

 

A high value man values this in himself and wants it in his partner as well.

 

Life is always about investment.

And we each get to choose where we invest.

Mumford and Sons has a great song “Awaken My Soul” where they have one of my favorite lyrics, “Where you invest your love, your invest your life.”

 

As with anything, whatever we choose to water grows.

People who choose to invest their love in health of all arenas live longer, are less sickly, have more stmina for life and sex, have healthier moods, live a more harmonic balalnced life and view things from a bigger picture mindset.

 

Those who make up the excuse of “I don’t have the time, energy, money.” DO NOT VALUE themselves nor life and will never hold a mate that values these things.

 

🔥🔥🔥I get turned-on like no other watching my man work out, eat a healthy meal and/or check himself out in the mirror as to how his arms or abs are looking in a shirt. His pleasure and care for himself shows that he values health and reveals itself in ALL other areas as well. 👈🤯🔥

 

So you say that you want 👉High Value Man👈 yet you yourself beautiful are not value the true jewels of life and relationship!🤯

 

You are still getting caught up in the immature focus points that will only ever lead you to more lessons being offered and suffering from them.

 

Become the 💃High Value Woman💃 that mirrors the man you want for and he will be called into your life with ease as if over night.

 

👉Want to learn the full list of secrets to manifesting your soulmate?

👉Ready to stop accepting less than what you are worthy of?

👉Sick and tired of letting your wounds hold back the love, sex, money and joy that you feel is yours in your gut?

 

Helping dynamite powerful souls like yourself discover love and fulfilment is what my passion is. Over the last two decades I have worked with hundreds of women & men such as yourself to call in their soulmate by aligning to their truth. I have guided countless couples not to just rekindle a love that they thought was lost, but to create an empowered turned on and fully aligned partnership based in love with 8 simple steps. If you are a woman or man who is looking for happiness, love and abundance in life and is sick and tired of just getting by, reach out to me for a FREE Clarity Call today where we will define exactly what is holding you back, what you are wanting to call in and the next best steps to achieve your desired life. Message me to set up your FREE Clarity Call today.

 

As Always,

 

Stop Existing & Start Living

 

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

A WOMAN’S WORTH…

A WOMAN’S WORTH…

 

Today I woke feeling pathetic, unworthy, as though I have no value to this thing called life. 

I sat here this morning over breakfast doing the thing that I possibly detest the most…

Telling my partner my fears, sharing my anxiety, telling him how he deserves a better partner, how woeful I felt I was and that life did not want to accept me for me. 

I quickly came up with many ideas as to why I was in this state of being from my hormones to a mid life crisis and everything in between, however as the day progresses and I reach out to my mentor to see what insight she might have for me I come back into terms with that everything is just as it is supposed to be as scared as I might feel in the moment. 

 

You see I am in transition. 

I am dieing. 

I know that in the next year of my existence here on earth that everything that I currently know, everything that I currently am, my business, my home, my relationship, my goals will even be transformed. 

 

I feel like Schrodinger’s cat.

Am I dead?

Am I alive?

IDK. 

 

In the midst of this transition I have lost myself in so many ways. 

And as I lose who I once was in all areas of my life, I stand here questioning what will become of ME? 

 

It is so easy to just lean into what the world tells me I “should” or “need” do and be. 

I have done that for years in different ways, and every time I do, sure I learn, I expand, I have success to some degree, but I never feel that unbounded love and appreciation for my life nor for self unless I basically give the middle finger to what society is telling me and JUST DO ME. 

 

Doing me take courage, however. 

Doing me requires that I look past all my fear and failure. 

Doing me means  that I stop worrying and start trusting at a deeper level than what I can even imagine possible. 

To actually KNOW that I am supported and that everything is going my way even though I don’t think so at this current moment. 

 

The THING that I have come to realize over this time of death and rebirth is that we women face some serious struggles around our worth. 

 

What makes us worthy in today’s world?

I scroll through my social media and I see beautiful, strong, intelligent and talented women leaning in on all their feminine magic of the physical. I see women whose messages are powerful, flaunting a little extra cleavage, doing yoga in their g-strings, taking pictures with sultry eyes in bed and so much more. 

 

I hear other talented brilliant women talking about how they need to get married and have a kid so they can have importance in this world. 

To be taken seriously even. 

I see women, striving to look younger and older, depending on what they perceive as desirable. 

Many women turn toward their pocket books, their savings and investments to prove that they are worthy of something more than what they have. 

 

The house. 

The car. 

The money in the bank. 

The marriage. 

The kids. 

The body. 

How orgasmic she is.

Her youthfulness. 

Her wisdom. 

Her education level. 

What  her career is. 

Where she has traveled.

What she does for her community and church or family.

 

These things are ALL what we women of today strive to be 1000% in. 

And somehow we try to do it alone. 

We believe that it is up to us. 

That we have to make it happen or we are pathetic if any of it does not come to fruition. 

And I mean A-L-L of it!

 

The “reality” is that no one can do it all and be successful 100% of the time on 100% of the damn thing that this world’s current society puts into our playfield and tells us that we must get right, do right, be successful in and have. 

 

That’s the most important thing, HAVE.

And that is what our worthiness is based on, what we have or not.

 

We translate this idea of worthiness over to value. 

And we are lacking in any area of our lives, or if we are not top our game, showing up like the bada*s babe that we want to be, we condemn ourselves in some fashion or form. 

We totally forget about the things that matter. 

We forget to appreciate all that we have done and survived in life. 

We forget that we are imperfectly perfect and always a work in progress, AND that, that is okay. 

When we are down on our luck, in a bad mood, wrapped up in victim consciousness, feeling as defeated and lost and as though the most value we provide is to be an ATM machine to our kids and maid (mind you we may be sucking at that too in the moment), that those pampered little brats are here because of our strong AF vajayjay’s and determination. 

 

We went through excruciating pain to bring that pain in the a*s brat into this world.  

 

We forget that the man who may look at us and wonder, “why is she so moody and grumpy, not in the mood today,” is laying in our bed because we made him feel like king of the MF world somewhere along the line and he values our smile, our strength, our loving eyes, and our emotions that tap him into his own inner realms that he can’t access without our tender feminine heart. 

 

We forget that our compassion and ability to  feel in this life is a blessing to all those who entrust us with their fear, suffering, hope, dreams and more. 

 

That our wisdom that comes from deep within, the intuition that we have no reason for, but just know is a gift from spirit. For all of time, the feminine has been considered closer to God, more aligned and open to spirit and the universe than the masculine. So why do we question ourselves today?

 

We women are magical. 

We are powerful. 

We are ONE with the universe. 

But we choose to deny our alignment. 

We turn away from all that is natural and designed for us in an attempt to be masculine and bare all the burdens of such. 

 

No wonder we have a society of beautiful, powerful, intelligent and wise women lost in who they are and what they offer this thing called life. 

 

For where our worth lies….

We do not value ourselves.

 

And until we do…

We will remain lost and always aiming to please the world that  we live in instead of who we are.

 

It’s time my beautiful AF bada*s woman to won your value and worth and know who you really are at a deep soul level. 

 

You have all the answers for your happy ever after. 

You just have to trust that you are supported by who you were born to be. 

 

YOU.

 

As Always, 

Stop Existing & Start Existing

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Helping dynamite powerful women like yourself discover love and fulfilment is what my passion is. Over the last two decades I have worked with hundreds of women such as yourself to call in their soulmate by aligning to their truth. I have guided countless couples not to just rekindle a love that they thought was lost, but to create an empowered turned on and fully aligned partnership based in love with 8 simple steps. If you are a woman who is looking for happiness, love and abundance in life and is sick and tired of just getting by, reach out to me for a FREE Clarity Call today where we will define exactly what is holding you back, what you are wanting to call in and the next best steps to achieve your desired life. Message me to set up your FREE Clarity Call today. 

 

WE ARE THE ONLY SPECIES THAT WANTS TO GO AGAINST OUR BIOLOGY.

WE ARE THE ONLY SPECIES THAT WANTS TO GO AGAINST OUR BIOLOGY.

 

Well, mostly we women that is.

Guys will claim THIS, but somewhere inside they get it is not so, they know that they claim it to just keep that doorway there,

where we women tend to want to disregard, ignore and act as though we are above our biology.

 

It was not that long ago that I was one of these women myself.

I thought that I could manage it.

I truly believed that I could have the relationship and it just be what I was calling it and that both parties were feeling the same way.

I believed that we were elevated in consciousness to the level that sexual desire did not play a role and that I could seriously “just be friends” with my male friends and that they were down for it just being that and even wanted just that.

 

THEN I came into the awareness that most if not all of my male friends were actually attracted to me and that if given the opportunity would happily walk through the door of a sexual encounter with me.  So I justified the friendship by saying that they respected me and my wishes and that it was manageable.

I came to terms, with if a guy was hanging out in my life as a friend of some nature that he most likely wanted to bed me and I then believed that that was just the way it was and I had to accept it, but could still have the friendships, just needed to be aware.

 

After all, I am one of those women who has never not had a male friendship since I was 2 – years old.

I have had far more “good” friendships with men than with women over the course of my life.

The thought of giving up my male friendships pained me.

Feeling as though I would have no one left in my true friendship circle if I dumped the guys.

 

Then I had a few conversations with my son’s who are grown and almost grown, with some of these male friends, with male clients and even with my man.

 

Their shares can be summed up here,

“Why would I hang out with a female if I was not attracted to her? If I wanted to hang out for all the reasons we guys hang out and do what we guys do, then I would certainly choose to hang out with a guy friend, not a female.”

 

They all came back with, if they were hanging with a female there were desires to be with her intimately.

 

And I started to really allow myself to feel this.

To get right with male/female relating.

I looked at my conversations, my shared moments with the majority of my male friends and saw the intimateness.

Sure there was no sex, there was no kissing or intimate touch, but we certainly did share intimacy. Only the kind of intimacy that you can get from the opposite sex.

 

That vibe.

That feeling.

There was even a flirtiness at times.

 

Beautiful as it is, it is ground that is not stable.

And no matter how respectful and loyal a male friend can be to us women, if given the opportunity to have a door crack open and him get a chance to be with us, he will.

Meaning that if you are a committed woman, in any label of relationship out there (and I have been under a few labels over the course of the last two decades) that if you are pissed, upset, feeling disconnected in any fashion or form with YOUR MAN, and you share confidence with a male friend, know that you are cracking a door open.

 

If you are a single woman and you have guy friends,

and believe that they can maintain without issues,

understand first you are almost being cruel to the men in your life,

because without realizing it you are teasing them.

Yes just by being you.

Just by doing you.

 

If you want to be taken on dates,

experience the male energy,

etc. then perhaps looking at doing just that is the answer.

GO ON A DATE.

 

And realize that often the best romantic and intimate relationships are based in friendship.

The fact that you think of a man as a good friend,

If you have a trust, a vulnerability there, a fun playfulness with your male friend and you are both open to a relationship that is of more than your pseudo friendship, then maybe the universe has already blessed you with a wonderful man to explore in a romantic fashion.

 

If you are good with just “managing” these male relationships and keeping them at bay in some fashion, ask yourself:

 

💃 What am I really gaining from this friendship or looking for with it if I know that he wants me sexually but is just holding back because of what I have stated the boundaries are?

💃 How can this male friendship impact (positively /negatively) an intimate relationship I am in or want to be in?

💃 If I was in an intimate relationship with someone and they were having deep conversations, moments and connections of a vulnerable/intimate yet non-sexual version with another woman frequently what sort of impact would that have on the relationship? Emotionally? Physically?Energetically?

💃 What does significant other or primary relationship mean to me and how does opposite sex relationships outside of this hinder or support?

 

Now, I know what you might be feeling.

You may say, that is such an emotionally immature way of looking at relationships.

You may say that a “conscious man” is above this.

You may say that there is zero harm from being flirty with your male friends, no matter if you are in a romantic relationship or not with someone else.

You may actually believe and point to lifelong friendships that have never let you down and you are certain that they are “just a brother” to you.

 

I have thought all of this.

I have believed all of this.

And repeatedly been blown out of the water from these.

 

We cannot deny our biology.

Men are men.

Women are women.

And we relate differently.

We bond differently.

 

Men love boobs, booty, legs, hair, our eyes and are wanting to  explore us inside and out.

 

They will smile, chat it up, be helpful and drive from a state away to to  show us how much they want to  give us their attention.

They will support us in the worst of times.

They will applaud us in the best of times.

 

And they mean it.

But they still want the woman that stands before them.

They would not be putting their attention on us if they did not desire us in some fashion.

 

This is why so many men fall in the face of a woman’s attention.

Wars have been based, fought and won for the chance to be with a woman.

 

It’s just biology.

 

We women need to get right with it and stop being silly,

thinking that it’s harmless however.

 

Time to level up your relating.

 

As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Believing

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Ready to claim your life back from suffering, fear, doubt and misfortune? Ready to call in the love relationship you desire. The abundance you crave for and the joy you know can be yours.

This Is what I have worked with thousands of people like yourself to have over the last two decades. Reach out to me today.

WHAT WOULD YOU SAY IF – I WERE TO TELL YOU I WANTED YOUR SEX, HIS SEX, HIS SEX AND HIS….

WHAT WOULD YOU SAY IF….

I WERE TO TELL YOU I WANT YOUR SEX…

HIS SEX… HIS SEX… AND HIS…..

 

That’s a hard pill to swallow no matter if you are a man or a woman hearing it from your partner.

 

When the one you have invested your life with,

shared so many firsts with,

are doing this thing called life with,

comes to you and says that they desire to explore another,

or a few others.

 

The first reaction is fear.

The next anger.

And then you question,

“whats wrong with me, why am I not good enough.”

 

It feels like your partner has just told you that you mean nothing to them.

It feels like they just drove a million swords into your heart,

into your love and happiness.

And you find yourself not trusting.

feeling lonely, jealous and mad AF!

 

Whether they have acted on the desire of exploring another or not,

Most people struggle with their partners sharing a hunger for anyone but them.

Most feel threatened that their partner would ever even admire someone else.

Let alone say that they may want to explore someone else.

This goes against everything that we have taught since marriage came into play thousands of years ago.

 

But I tell you this little tidbit of truth in relationships.

No matter if you are in a monogamous or open relationship,

it is crazy stupid to think that all our desire,

all our noticing of others,

all of our attractions end for anyone else on this planet and is to ONLY be directed toward the one that we have sworn our sex too, our hearts too, our lives with.

 

The belief that desiring another is not healthy is perhaps one of the most toxic beliefs that can fall into a relationship.

It causes shame, guilt and separation in the relationship.

It prevents each party from being truly authentic with self or each other, and it creates a victim mindset.

 

Think about it,

In our culture that values but does not uphold monogamy we have programmed ourselves to believe everything that is not coming from love.

 

We say that we unconditionally love someone.

We say that we value honesty and truth above anything.

we say that we want our partner to shine,

to be happy and feel their best.

We claim that freedom is high on our list of desires.

We say that we do not want to own anyone.

And then we do everything in our power to do just the opposite.

 

And we start by preventing our partner from feeling their truth.

and ourselves as well.

 

We start by saying that from here forth we are it for each other.

Neither of us will EVER think about, look at or have a desire for anything or anyone outside of this relationship.

 

And if one of us do,

well we certainly better never admit it,

but if we do have a thought or feeling and it gets seen by the other then that will cause great jealousy and fear.

It will prove that the desiring partner is not to be trusted.

It will prove that the love was not real.

It will prove that there is a lack of commitment.

 

Here we have some of the greatest lies told to humans in relationships.

 

THE LIE THAT JEALOUSY IS NORMAL AND IT IS AN INDICATOR OF LOVE.

 

Jealousy has zero to do with love and everything to do with fear and lack of self-worth. It is about controlling someone else through emotional warfare to hold them in place to where we remain comfortable and feel safe. Jealousy is a sign of insecurity in the one feeling it and has NOTHING to do with actual love.

 

THE LIE THAT YOU SHOULD MEET YOUR PARTNERS EVERY NEED AND IF YOU DON’T THEN YOU ARE INADEQUATE OR THEY ARE TOO NEEDY.

 

This is a most unreal expectation placed on all of us in a relationship.

No one will ever be able to meet someone elses every need. No where else in our life experience are we expected to fulfill every need met for any person in our lives, children, friends or work related, we understand that it takes a village to meet all the needs. However when it comes to our sexual/romantic relationships we believe differently.

 

Here we get trapped in the concept that our partner MUST be our everything. That they must complete us. And if they do not or we cannot for them then we are not good enough or they are not.  If we do everything that we can to fulfill every need and fall short then perhaps our partners are too needy, perhaps they want for too much and are even using us or taking us for granted.

 

When in truth these expectations are simply unreal, causing shame, guilt and feelings of a lack of worthiness or enoughness in one or both parties.

 

THE IDEA THAT YOUR INSECURITIES ARE YOUR PARTNER’S RESPONSIBILITY TO TIP TOE AROUND AND NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO WORK ON.

 

We are told that if our partner loves us then they will do everything in their power to not hurt us. To not harm our feelings and that if our feelings get hurt that it is a direct attack from someone who is being selfish and uncaring. We walk into a relationship expecting the other to magically never trigger us into any negative feelings or thoughts and to be able to read our past memories and current moods and thoughts without us having to say anything to them. And when they do not… OMFG! how disrespectful and uncaring.

The blame game is among one of our favorite games to play because it takes our responsibility away from managing ourselves and allows us to manipulate our partners emotions by having them believe that they are so powerful because of the love that we hold for them to make or break us in any given moment. We expect them to change and to grow, to become better so that we can somehow avoid the hassle of ownership of our own mind, hearts and actions. “You made me feel….” ” You should have known…” etc.

 

The truth is that NO ONE is responsible for our feelings or thoughts. Our hyperactive sensitivity has nothing to with this world or anyone else in it, instead it shows how insecure we are in ourselves about who we are and how we choose to turn over our power consistently in the pursuit to get what we want the most in that moment… control over someone else’s actions, thoughts and feelings.  The only person who can ever help us or change us is the person in the mirror and until we fall in love with that person and fully accept them in all their humanness we will never feel secure in the arms of another.

 

THE BELIEF THAT COMMITMENT IS SYNONYMOUS WITH EXCLUSIVITY.

 

Commitment = Exclusivity is the common belief. If you desire or need any other romantic/sexual or emotional relationship then you are not committed. Matter a fact you are considered to have commitment fears and issues.  This is sort of like saying if you have more than one child you can only be committed to one child and none of the others. There is only so much love to go around. Only so much concern. If you are committed then you should not ever have any curiosity. You should never feel a connection with anyone else.

And if you do, well you are not committed. You are not to be trusted. And certainly do not value the love that you share.

 

When the truth is that these two are not the same.

To be committed is to be dedicated and loyal to someone.

That does not mean that you have to exclude every other person from your life and all relationships that may trigger your partner.

Commitment is something that is unique by definition to each individual, because loyalty or dedication means something different to each.

Yet in many relationships we believe that once we are with someone that we can no longer have friends of the opposite sex, that we have to be completely different around the opposite sex, and we have to close off our personalities, close down the things that we enjoy and avoid at all cost or risk the perception that we are not committed in our relationship. This also comes back to the concept that we are responsible for our partners’ insecurities.

But it is not true.

 

THE IDEA THAT YOUR VALUE TO YOUR PARTNER IS DIRECTLY PROPORTIONAL TO THE AMOUNT OF TIME AND ENERGY THEY SPEND WITH YOU, AND ZERO-SUM COMPETITION WITH EVERYTHING ELSE THEY VALUE IN LIFE – INCLUDING OTHER RELATIONSHIPS.

 

When we are in a romantic relationship we feel like we need to attach at the hip.  After all, this person is our person. This is our best friend, our lover, our life partner. We should want to spend as much time together as possible, right. And if they care, if they really love us then there will be zero competition with anything else in their lives. They will want to be with us more than they want to learn that new skill, or play with their hobby, more than they want to work on themselves or build their career, and they most certainly will ALWAYS choose us over any other relationship.

 

Just because we are in a romantic relationship does not mean that all of our desire for everything else should go away.  It does not mean that we stop wanting to explore and expand alone. It does not mean that we must spend every possible waking moment together nor that we need to experience every first with each other. These are ridiculous, illogical ideas that can not be manifested without killing desire for our partner and creating boredom.

In order for us to crave our partners we must expand as an individual. We must have a life outside of our mate.  So often people feel like they have lost themselves, that they don’t know who they are anymore or that their partner does not see them anymore. This all stems from the fact that they prevented the space for growth as an individual and thus lost the magic of the relationship.

 

THE IDEA THAT BEING OF VALUE TO YOUR PARTNER SHOULD ALWAYS MAKE UP A LARGE PORTION OF HOW YOU VALUE YOURSELF.

 

You complete me is a common statement that you hear in romantic relationships.  The idea of being completed by someone lends to it the concept that because we feel fulfilled by a relationship that if that person ever changes or needs for something else or more that in turn we are not of as much value to them therefore we lose our own self-value because the thing that shows of the evidence of being worthy and valuable/lovable has changed.

 

This is crazy. Self-worth, love and value should never be sought for or hinge on anything outside of ourselves and our relationship to self and if we believe in God then to God or Source. The outside world and everyone in it just like ourselves are ever changing. We have no control over what occurs outside of ourselves and if we hinge our value on such we will never be strong in who we are or know ourselves. We will never feel safe or be able to trust.

 

THE IDEA THAT THERE IS A “ONE” OR SOULMATE AND THAT THIS INSURMOUNTABLE LOVE CAN OVERCOME ANY OBSTACLES OR DIFFERENCES.

 

We buy into the idea that there is only “one” true love and that when we find it that it will be able to conquer all challenges.  However, when that does not happen then we feel shortchanged, untrusting and question if love even exists.  The reality is that love, any love has its limits because we do not think of love in an unconditional way. We mix love up with need therefore the love that we desire to achieve in our relationships often comes with many hidden expectations as well as feelings of a need to control it out of fear of losing it. 

The concept of “the one” is beautiful and brings with it the idea that we are uniquely made just for someone else, meaning that we are indispensable to our partner. However this like so many other toxic beliefs in relationships is illogical. We each are unique no matter what, however if we are so needed by someone else is that love or need that is ruling our relationship and thus heart and with that is there any room for each individual to grow, change or transform as life will do to all of us? There is not under the guise of this belief. Because if we evolve as individuals then we may grow out of certain needs with our soulmate. Thus creating separation and a disconnect if both are not growing singularly as well as a couple.

In truth what we see with “the one” is that we are each “the one” for RIGHT NOW for someone and they for us. And maybe that relationship is romantic, maybe it is not.  But what we are to gain from the relationship experience is a greater knowing of self through the experience of another who challenges us, triggers us and calls us forth to become so much more of who we truly are.

 

These relationship myths and beliefs are an under current to our society. They are put on pedestals in our culture from movies and songs, to paintings and literature. They are focused upon in our spiritual study and ingrained in us from our pastors, family and friends.

All of them lead us to a false concept of love.

Unreal expectations of relationships for self and our partners and separation of self by preventing us from not owning our hearts, our thoughts and feelings, let alone our desires and needs out of fear of losing what we call love that is actually control over another.

 

No matter the label that you put on your relationship the question that you should ask of yourself and your partner of RIGHT NOW is,

“Can I be me unapologetically and authentically without a fear of losing you because of me being me? “

 

If you can both answer yes truthfully then you have love and acceptance of self and each other. These are the building blocks to an ever evolving relationship and life.

 

If not, then you need to ask yourself if sacrificing yourself for your lifetime will ever bring you the happiness and love that you are hoping it will?

 

As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Want to learn more about authentic relating and how to develop a relationship based in unconditional love? Reach out to me to learn more about my couples and individual coaching today.

It’s time to realize that you are worthy of a beautiful relationship.

Let’s Get Real About What Define The Relationship Really Means.

 

“I like you pretty good, let’s see where this goes.”

 

Maybe I have commitment issues some would say,

and I have been told this from past lovers.

They were convinced that because I refused to be labeled,

because I refused to DTR ( define the relationship) that I was not good with commitment.

 

They could not just accept my looks of love and desire for what they were.

They could not accept the sweet and tender vulnerable moments shared for what they were,

They could not just go with the passion shared and the hours and days or even weeks spent enthralled with each other.

 

No, they wanted the MF LABEL.

And for some reason, the label is what made everything real.

Not the actual effing relationship that was presenting itself each day, each moment.

No, they could not trust that.

They needed the words spoken,

just how they wanted to hear them too mind you,

for it to actually be real.

 

Nothing mattered but the label.

 

And because I am a person who understands what labels are actually about,

I have a really tough time getting down with defining any relationship for that matter.

 

And here is why.

 

You see labels and definitions of relationships have NOTHING to do with love or commitment for that matter.

 

They don’t have anything to do with trust either,

and they are not offering any more security for either party as well.

 

What they do is allow us to compartmentalize the relationship, cause separation because now we segregate this relationship from the rest of our lives.

 

Labels allow us to define what the relationship “should” look and feel like. How it “should” play out and what the expectations are within the pretty little box that we have put it into allows for.

 

Labels are often asked for because one party or both are wanting validation for their existence and level of importance in the relationship.

 

This validation gives a false sense of security.

Which makes the partners feel safe and believe that NOW since the relationship has been properly defined that neither party will step out of the box that it has been filed in.

 

And that is what DTR is all about folks.

Validation of self through another, false security and control.

 

Because with this DTR what we are wanting is the safety ultimately of knowing ( well believing) that our partner is now “OUR PROPERTY” as defined by the label provided.

And of course they are down with abiding by the rules of this definition.

 

Funny little note, most people just assume that other people’s definitions and rules of the label are exactly what their own are and never stop to discuss these important things with the person that they are trying to do a relationship with and get a label on.

 

In my opinion,

(and maybe…. just maybe… I have worked with just a few couples over the last few decades) that one of the major reasons so many couples are not satisfied or in full alignment with their partner is because they miss this vitally important conversation on the front side.

 

The conversation around, “Why do you do relationships? And what are your needs/desires/expectations within a relationship?”

 

Can you imagine if we started having these inquiries between ourselves and our lovers?

 

And what if….

what if our lovers answered authentically.

 

OMFG! That would be amazing.

But often because so many have limited worth and self- esteem issues,

they find themselves needing to feel safe through the validation of their partner instead and therefore answer accordingly to get the result that they want from their partner instead of being truthful and having a truly intimate conversation around their differences.

 

All relationships at some point come to a place where the definition sorta just manifests organically.

But it is an energy that a couple will grow into as time and depth in the relationship is established,

not some words stated because partners feel pressure from what they have been told is important to ask for come date three or month six, or whatever the f-ck timeline you are working on.

 

If you are among the many people out there that feels that need the label to lean and trust more,

or to not have your jealousy anymore,

or to be able to be more vulnerable or intimate with your partner,

and believes that the label is a sign of love,

then you truly need to explore what your definition of love really is about.

 

And ask yourself if this label is truly what you are wanting or if you are actually requesting to set up agreements with your partner as to what your relationship rules are and are not.

 

Then ask yourself how this desire to label and set up these tidy little box homes for your relationship to get cramped in is actually serving the relationship or your supposed love for this other person?

 

What if you became extremely present with your partner and chose to focus on all their good traits each time you were together?

 

What if instead of fearing them doing something that might destroy the relationship, you chose to commit to look for how well they are showing up in it right now and how much beauty you are enjoying with them right now?

 

What if you opted to actually practice authentic unconditional love with them and just wanted to enjoy them in all their radiance because your desire for them was to be that person who can hold loving space without a need to contain their soul and own them?

 

What if you chose to just allow them to be them and you to be you?

 

What if you choose consciously to come into the relationship each new day as though it was a new relationship that you were excited and appreciative of?

 

What if you started to define your relationship by saying,

” I like you pretty good, let’s see where this goes.”

 

Can you imagine how much more depth, love, compassion, witnessing, love, trust, and joy would come through your partner and the relationship?

 

Or continue on your path,

you know the one.

The one that has you believing that controlling your partner and defining your relationship and owning them as property in any f-cking fashion is LOVE.

 

And enjoy all the trauma that creates and the broken expectations and pain.

 

Because that is the result when we attempt to control the human spirit and not allow others to live authentically.

 

Not to mention,

When we do this it is only supporting our fear and at our core we feel the out of alignment that is caused with God and our soul.

 

Level Up Your Love Now.

 

And Remember,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Want to level up your relationship or learn more on authentic relating skills that can rekindle, ignite and bring average relationships into Enlightened?

 

Reach out to me about my Passion Coaching for Couples Program today.

Here Is Why You Are Not Receiving Your Blessings.

 

Blessings are abound my love,

but you refuse to see them.

 

Your life is expanding,

your fortune is growing,

your soul is speaking to you and guiding you with each breath that you take,

but you my love,

ignore and choose to focus on things of past that do not matter.

You choose to pull forth your fears instead of your blessings and desires.

Why my love?

Why do you insist on living a saga instead of a dream?

Why do you choose to suffer and rage,

to fear and struggle instead just simply letting go of all of those things that you were caught up in yesterday and last month or year,

and instead firmly step into what you want and who you truly are?

 

You question and huff why good things happen to everyone else and not to you,

you fixate on life being hard.

And ignore the blessings and abundance,

the quick manifestation,

the miracles that just seem to happen each day,

you ask for help and it is always there,

always showing up for you and never being acknowledged,

yet you say how important gratitude is to you,

you say that you are awakened,

you say that you are doing your best,

you say so much,

but what you are doing much of is fearing life.

 

And that, that you fear will continue to scare you.

You give it reason,

you give it purpose and strength.

You give it life my love.

And no one on this planet can ever help you out of this drama that you so eagerly keep yourself in.

 

The excuses and reasons,

the finger pointing.

The blame and bitterness,

it is nothing more than resistance to your blessings.

To your worthiness and an ignoring of the glory that is all about you.

 

Today.

And Always.

 

But you turn away.

You close your eyes,

just as you may choose to disregard this message and blame the economy,

the government,

the world crisis,

your health or another human.

you may blame your broken heart,

or your upbringing,

but all of that blame,

yes all of it,

is your resistance to your birth right of worthiness and well being.

 

You were not born to struggle.

You were not born to fear.

You were not born to live in such drama and pain.

 

Wellbeing is who you are.

Wellbeing is what life’s all about,

It is the natural flow of our lives as abundance in all things that we love, and bringing us joy are part of the natural tides of our lives.

 

So why do you resist your nature my love?

Why do you desire so to not live the glory that God wants for you and offers each moment?

Why do you keep fighting for your lack?

 

When all you ever need to do is say yes to your blessings.

Yes to you.

yes to everything that is always being offered to best support and love  you now.

 

Get out of your past failures and fears,

step away from the pain and know that you can put it down,

put your attention on what you want.

Bring your heart into alignment with joy.

Into alignment with love.

And let yourself triumph over the fear of yesterday.

 

You are a king.

You are a queen.

You are the creator of your day.

 

Today.

And Always.

 

So say goodbye to reasons and excuses.

Claim your life now,

the way that it has always been intended.

 

Say Yes — To YOU!

 

And As Always,

 

Stop Existing & Start Living

 

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

WATCH – You Want THIS But You Can’t Have It. Remember to like and leave a comment. 🙂

 

 

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Why Women Don’t Trust Men.

Tears that cannot be seen are still tears felt.
 
Often I meet people in some of the most difficult spaces of their lives.
They come to me in thier wounding,
in their fear,
in their bitterness and revenge.
Trauma masks them from their truth.
They are lost.
And with thier lostness they have comfort.
 
It is this way for anyone who has experienced pain.
And the pain much of the time is rooted in our thoughts of ego,
which continues to trap us in a nasty loop of past fears, thoughts, feelings and expereinces.
Due to this loop we feel comfort, but we never feel fulfilled or happy as well.
 
Abandonment is one of the the major culprits to this pain.
To these tears that are unseen.
 
Abandonment happens when we least expect it too, does it not?
 
Last night I was having a discussion with a close friend about this very topic. We sat over a bottle of guava rum and had some deep dives into vulnerable shares around relationships and how we could each see a pattern in our past relationships with men. The men that touched us in such a power way, the one’s who openned our hearts, expanded our thinking and taught us incredible lessons about our lives and who we are as women.
 
I sat there and shared about the four past relationships that I find most significant and that I can say that three of them I was deeply and still am today even (if I am real with you and I in this moment) in love with. These men awakened the woman that I am today. And I am ever grateful for them blessing my life as they had.
 
All four of these relationships, professed their undying love for me.
They all asked me to marry.
They all went deep into my heart and soul and penetrated me like no other. Each built on the one before,
taking me into new relams of love.
Oh the stories I could share, and have in other musings.
These four men,
they changed my world forever and taught me to love.
 
They also crushed me in ways that I am sure none of them ever intended of.
Their words of, ” I will fight for you.” – ” I love you unconditionally and want nothing more than your happiness.” – “I can see forever with you.” – “I would NEVER do anything to hurt you.” – You are my world.”
 
Yes, these words as if from a storybook romance,
so lovely, so enticing.
So real for the moment they were spoken,
were the words that also crushed me after a period of time.
 
These words became poison and what they all loved – me,
they tried to kill in their own way by severing through retraction, removal, disposal and even physically action down the road of our relationship.
 
Now, here is the thing I want you to get from this musing:
Was there pain? yes.
Is there still pain? In moments, yes.
But I am more in gratitude than pain at this point, some of these relationship I speak of were from 20 years past even.
Some just a few years back.
It is the lessons, the patterns that I see and want to share with you today.
 
All four men chose to say good bye.
All four shared this pattern in that good bye,
the pattern of not speaking their integrity.
 
They chose to hide from me,
from thier hearts truth.
They chose to lie to my face day in and day out,
even when I inquired directly about what I was feeling from them.
They chose to run and hide instead of face me and say goodbye with clarity and heart.
They chose to abandon.
And this lack of integrity,
caused unfinished business between us,
and shame for them.
They supported my programs of:
 
” I am not good enough.”
“I am unlovable.”
” I am disposable like trash.”
“I am not worthy of true love or even truth.”
“I am not worthy to have someone fight for me.”
“I cannot trust men.”
“I am not safe.”
 
What I see often in my couples work with clients are all these programed statements and beliefs in women and the men not underestanding why she feels this way or what he has done to cause it.
 
I tell you sweet men of the world,
it is your lack of integrity.
 
When you do not stand in your truth to your core,
when you waiver,
when you hide like a little boy behind your mother’s skirts,
you support these fears of the feminine.
When you tell us that all is well, when it is not,
you support these fears of the feminine.
When you take without care,
demand that she gives you her sex, her heart, her smile even though she is not a yes,
you support these fears of the feminine.
When you do not stand in her fire but instead try to coddle and fix,
father, shame, guilt, or teach,
you support these fears of the feminine.
When you shut down your heart to hide from us,
when you close off and retract your love through ignoring,
you support these fears of the feminine.
 
When you promise what you have no right to promise,
making firm statments of forever,
preaching your unconditional, undying devotion without the understanding of what you are actually saying,
you support these fears of the feminine.
 
And most of all…
when that moment comes,
if it does,
when you know that she is not the one,
you choose to say goodbye as a coward,
without an eye to eye meeting of the hearts,
when you ghost,
go distant and even turn it into her fault because you are not man enough to stand in your truth,
 
Yes my sweet men of the world….
HERE, here you create these fears of the feminine.
 
The advice I have for you,
is simple.
 
Realize that abandonment does not happen at the moment that you choose to walk away,
your abandonment happened long before,
it was in the very first stages of your lack of integrity.
When you chose to not speak it and be it,
you abndoned not just her,
you banadoned yourself as well.
And this is why she cannot trust.
This is why she cannot surrender.
This is why you will find yourself repeating the same issues with a different women in your life.
 
If you want to have your woman fully,
learn to stand true in who you are.
Even if you do not have an answer for her in a moment,
or unable to fix what has gone astray,
if you feel lost in your emotions,
speak just that sweet man.
 
“My integrity in this moment, is that I don’t know.”
 
Whatever your truth may be,
she will respect and love you for it,
if she knows that she can trust you.
 
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
Message me for deet’s on learning how to create an authentic relationship based in love, integrity and desire.
*Photoe credit to www.photographyinwonderland.com

#1 Strategy to Deepening Any Relationship.

He held me in his vulnerability.
His heart racing.
His hands with a soft tremble.
I could feel heat radiating from his chest as he pressed firmly but in love into me.
His breath softly crossing over my neck as his face found itself burried in my long hair.
 
It was his vulnerability.
And yet it was ours.
 
There we stood,
embraced in a deeply connective hug under the stary sky.
The crisp air rustling the leaves as crickets chirped.
 
My soul was taking it all in.
It was a precious moment.
A moment of depth,
of truly connecting,
of holding space and of witnessing.
 
Not many words were needed,
the energy told everything.
And it was the energy of truth.
It was the energy of revealing.
It was the energy of unconditional love and acceptance.
 
The wounds that merged our souls,
the sharing that brought on this moment,
it was all as it should be.
And there we were,
two individuals,
barely knowing each other,
yet KNOWING one another deeper than we were willing to share with most.
 
My heart found gratitude,
my mind was silent.
There was no fear in this moment.
There was no blame or guilt,
no shame.
It was just a moment of acceptance.
 
Of BEING.
 
And so it was.
 
This moment was a lifetime connective piece to this relationship.
And the best thing was,
we both felt it.
 
Yet so many relationships,
of all labels never expereince this and if they do,
things tend to get a little weird after such a moment in time.
We suffer from what is known as vulnerability hangover,
where we have risked allowing our softer side, or our insecurities, fears, or what we perceive as weaknesses to be seen and then we wake up and feel SHAME for the reveal of our depths.
 
And that is what true vulnerability is,
uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure.
 
But if we desire like Berne Brown speaks of,
greater clarity in our purpose or deeper or meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.
 
And this is seen just in this little tale of mine.
This lovely soul allowed himself to be exposed.
He risked revealing his emotional state,
and he did it because his soul wanted to be witnessed, ‘to be truly seen and held.
 
He stepped out with courage and desire,
and allowed for his vulnerability to be the path of connection in this moment.
 
And because he did so,
he gave us both the gift of authentic relating.
Of being able to come together in our humanness and hold each others hearts.
 
He created the space to receive grace.
Grace for self.
Grace for and from another,
thus grace from God.
Who asks us to love unconditionally,
ourselves,
our neighbours,
and to step forward in certainty,
with hearts of children.
 
And children are deeply couragous in their vulnerabilty.
 
As children we inately understand that in order to grow,
to transform and to connect that we must allow ourselves to be seen,
with no shame as to how we are being percieved,
with no judgment for what we are wanting or not wanting,
for how we are feeling.
As children,
we just are.
And in that state of being we dare to state our truth in any given moment.
But as we grow into adults,
we loose touch with the value of being seen.
We instead replace it with the normalcy of fearing what others will think.
We run too and fro,
never feeling like we are enough,
and believing that running in the hustle is the way to achieve this elusive thing called happiness.
 
And so we hide.
We mask and we cover ourselves in shrouds of uncertainty.
Pretending that we are untouchable.
That we are strong.
That we do not need help.
That we have it all figured out.
And we shake our heads at those let themselves be seen.
We believe that eotional displays are a sign of weakness.
 
All the while craving,
hungering for thi svery connection.
Wanting for nothing mpre than to be understood.
 
Vulnerability.
Can it be?
The thing,
the thing that must be birthed in order for us to no longer be chasing happiness and fulfillment,
and instead,
JUST BE IT.
 
 
Yes my beautiful,
here is what you do not want to hear,
but your soul knows true.
 
Taking the steps in vulnerabilty,
and allowing yourself to be held,
is the leaning into the path that leads to your joy.
 
I ask you today,
where can you show a deeper piece of yourself,
and lift the mask that you wear?
 
And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
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