I WANT TO NEED HIM.
This is a statement that a woman made to me as we were speaking about her couple-hood.
As I listened to her tale of desire to want to need her man,
that she believed that this is the way that we were designed,
and that so much of our discontent in relationships and life as well as not knowing ourselves comes from this very belief that we women “should not” need men.
That we are just as good and can balance life without a significant other, I thought to myself,
SHE IS ABSOLUTELY CORRECT.
Women have burdened themselves with the disease of believing that we don’t need men, that it is a sign of weakness. That we are lower than human if we rely on our male counterparts. Or that if we are relying on them that we are selling ourselves for a lifestyle, for safety.
And so many women do, do just this.
They settle into relationships not for soul union, not for love, but for comfort and safety. They look at the man’s resume, not his heart.
These women are indeed selling themselves.
They are becoming slaves to a lifestyle and a comfort.
They are not acting from soul or love.
And to them I could write a million lines,
but today I am addressing the women who are afraid of being perceived this way.
So much so, that they armour themselves from beautiful relationships, they fight to be seen strong at all cost, they feel weak at the thought of receiving help from their man. They do not know how to be supported by the masculine.
I am one of these women.
So I share from the depths of my feminine heart on this topic.
I am one of those women that has a ridiculous time receiving from my man. I have learned through the years to allow him to open doors, to help grab the groceries, to let him help me in house and home. I have gotten over him not cumming every time we make love or him focusing all his attention on my pleasure and not receiving physically in times.
I have learned that his pleasure sometimes is all about my receiving in our sexual union.
I have learned that he loves to witness me in rapture.
That he feels great pleasure and satisfaction in my bliss.
In what he gives to me.
But, when it comes to money.
When it comes to bills.
When it comes to buying the groceries.
Even if it is a trinket that I have my eye on and he asks me, do you want that? He is ready to purchase it for me. He wants to bring me pleasure. He wants to see me adorned. He wants my happiness.
I know this. But I feel like I am taking from him.
That I should not need this.
That it is not okay.
That he will perceive me as a woman who is there for the financial support.
And I am scared to lean on him.
I am scared that he will see me as weak.
That my heart and love will be missed some how,
that my truth that I have only eyes and desire for him will be washed over in some way because he has “helped” me.
When in truth, it is not even him helping me.
It is a union.
It is a team.
It is US, supporting the whole together.
And it is my pride that stands in the way of the full union.
It is my pride that screams that I should not need him, all the while my soul feels just like the woman above.
I WANT TO NEED HIM.
Because I DO!
I need his strong masculine guidance.
I need his looks of love and adoration.
I need his tenderness.
I need his touch.
I need his heart.
I need him to need me.
And I do not look at him as though he is weak for wanting me.
Or for needing me.
I know that he needs my feminine heart,
my emotions and touch.
He needs to see my rapture and my tears so he can fully feel who he is at his depth as well.
I know that he wants to need me.
We both have lived without each other just fine.
We both have been more than capable of living life and supporting our loved ones, building lives, businesses and we could easily choose to continue to do just that.
But the union of the masculine and the feminine when done by soul, is a union of desire to be together because together we are stronger.
Together we feel more.
We heal deeper.
We expand fully.
It’s not about money or security.
Although together we thrive all the more as well.
It’s not about weakness in coming together.
It’s uncomfortable in truth to be vulnerable and wide open with someone. To have no hold backs.
To feel as though there are no barriers,
nothing you do not want seen or felt.
To want to be witnessed at the deepest levels by your mate,
is uncomfortable AF!
There is no hiding here.
And we women, hold back from needing our men deeply,
and wanting to need them,
we in turn tell God/Universe that we don’t need them either.
It’s hypocritical of us women to say that we are these brilliant life givers, thus manifestors, creators, powerhouses and to know that we are vessels born to receive and then say NO to receiving because we deem it a weakness because it comes from our man.
How are we to ever fully become our greatest selves if we consistently deny our receiving, our pleasure, support, love from the great masculine?
No wonder we women are lost.
No wonder so many of us are bitter, non-orgasmic, always choose the wrong man who lets us down.
We should expect all of this and know that we have set ourselves up for suffering in love,
To never feel fully loved or cherished because we are not cherishing ourselves.
It is through our ability to lean into the masculine, to open our hearts and put down our armour with a man that holds us close and wants to need us as well, who gets that he is our king, our knight, our protector and great lover. That through his honor and ability to carry us deeper into ourselves that we find ourselves.
It is my belief, and a belief that “just might” be backed by a few spiritual scriptures and structures out there as well, that we are meant to support each other. The equal yoking of the masculine and feminine.
THE DESIRE TO BE ROMANCED LIES DEEP IN THE HEART OF EVERY WOMAN.
IT IS FOR SUCH THAT YOU WERE MADE.
I love this quote by John Eldredge.
However, for us to have that desire manifest, we women must open ourselves to God first,
We must learn to listen to our hearts, our soul, our intuition. We must then open ourselves and lay down the shields and swords of our wounded little girls and let the conscious masculine hold us.
See us fully.
We must be open to needing him.
And we must want to need him.
It is only through our wanting,
And our understanding that, that wanting is not a weakness but a powerful space of abundance, flow and love,
That we gain the opportunity to experience true soul union.
Our union with our man mirrors our union with the divine, with God.
The trust we show our mate,
We captivate our men for a reason.
It is because through us he feels life.
And we are lifted by his true heart and desire to serve us.
So if you are a woman like myself who struggles with receiving from the masculine,
If you feel weak or like you will be misperceived in your wanting of his support, his love, his attention, look no further than your heart.
Ask your truth there.
And see him as God.
Wanting your rapture in all of life.
Stop Existing & Start Living
I CAN’T SEE PAST YOU.
I am going to get real with you, raw with you, vulnerable and share something that scares the shit out of me today in this musing.
I sure am not, but here we go anyway 🙂
I recently let down my guards.
I recently decided to just drop the fear of letting love penetrate me to my core,
I recently took down my shield that was protecting my delicate hungry heart,
and I allowed my soul to lead me right into possibly the last relationship of my life.
I possibly opened the floodgates to something that I have craved for, desired and sampled in ways in the past but did not actually believe was possible,
or thought oh that will happen in my golden years if I am lucky.
Folks, I can’t see past him.
WTF am I to do with that?
Never before have I not been able to see a life past someone.
Even my deepest loves in my past I could see life past them,
without them, it may not have been what I wanted for or desired but I could still look past them and know that there was more,
something greater, deeper, more elevating and penetrating.
And here I sit today with the realization that I can’t see past him.
I can’t keep ignoring the words and feelings that rise up in my core,
my soul screams them, my eyes communicate them, my heart shakes and makes me know its desire and to make matters worse he just keeps confirming all of it to me in soft ways and direct ways.
I am done with looking for the gotcha’s.
Done with trying to find what’s wrong, why it would not work, should not work, cannot happen. Done with giving a shit about what the world says….
Sorta taking a Bonnie Raitt approach to this and just going with,
“Let’s give them something to talk about.”
Because the alignment is too f-cking damn good to ignore and turn away from any longer.
I AM ALL ABOUT THE ENERGY.
Everything is energy.
It’s the most potent, important thing when we are looking at anything in our lives. Especially when we are looking at relationships and building a F-ck Yes! Life.
It’s not just chemistry.
Chemistry can fade.
There is New Relationship Energy (NRE) that we all have on the front side of getting together with someone, and it typically lasts anywhere from six months to 3 years if we are lucky, but then it fades and we start to see our partners clearly and as the humans that they are.
We can feel alignment when we are meeting in the wounds of our life and they are sinking up with someone else’s,
We can feel energy when we have physical attraction, mental stimulation, emotional bonding or a feeling that someone “gets us” but true energetic connection goes deeper than all of this.
Real soul alignment is more than that feeling like you are seen or understood.
Energetic Alignment in Intimate relationships is about elevation of the souls.
And it comes from a place of your core.
It comes from two individuals being aligned to who they are first without each other.
Not needing each other, but choosing to add the cherry of the relationship into their already damn good life picture.
True soul alignment is a feeling of coming home.
And when you reach that feeling of coming home you most likely will not be able to see a relationship past this one that elevates you into wanting so much more from life and yourself.
Soul based relating is about expansion in love.
It is about reaching your edge and knowing that you can go further because you are limitless and together you are limitless.
It’s a love that extends past time and space.
My experience over the last six weeks of my life is one of great momentum.
Going zero to 300 you could say.
A hundred years traveled in a little over a month,
the feeling of making up for lifetimes of lost time.
A merger of energy so great that I simply don’t have words to describe.
A shattering of my heart that is breathtaking and welcoming.
And here is something I have recognized in my work with thousands of people through the years who have been through this process of coming into soul aligned relationships of this depth and magnitude:
You can see the steps as to how you arrived right where you are at and how f-cking perfect everything is. How the synchronicities, the crazy little coincidences, how people, places and timelines guided you to this moment, to this relationship and how had you chosen differently you would have set things back or even missed it.
YOU HAD TO BECOME A MATCH TO THIS ENERGY.
And that is the truth.
We forget how WE,
Yes, we and only we can do this for ourselves. That we have to become a match to the person that we want to call into our lives.
All this talk about soulmates, twin flames, etc….
and the thing that we forget to realize is that we only get to have these powerful, dynamic fully turned on passionate and limitless relationships WHEN we choose to do our damn work and get rock solid in our core as to who the f-ck we are and what we want in life.
We have to be unwavering and selfish MF’s to get our energy aligned to this kind of empowered relationship.
Until we do so,
we spend our time learning about ourselves,
about what we want and what we do not want.
We take ourselves through the school of love and relationship and gain our education into SELF.
And then if we become self-aware.
If we become “woke” as some would say,
then without reservation, without even trying you find yourself just lined up to the most precious, yummy, juicy, fully absorbing, ignited relationship that you can imagine.
You will see how you were sampling pieces of it in previous experiences. You were being given the gift of being able to recognize this relationship quickly when you finally decided to become a match to it.
And when it comes for you,
there will just be a KNOWING.
The questions stop.
Your ego may try to put up a fight,
it may attempt to sabotage out of fear of getting hurt again,
but under that you will still have this undeniable feeling of CERTAINTY.
And the world won’t matter.
Your fears will not hold a candle to the power of your heart.
Other opinions, judgement, perceptions you will just turn away from without worry,
because you will just KNOW.
Like you know yourself,
you will recognize this soul aligned relationship.
And you will continue to run forward in faith and enthusiasm.
And you most likely will not be able to look past this relationship.
Beautiful isn’t it?
Intimacy share dear reader:
I sat here the other morning, alone, drinking my coffee, breathing in the crisp morning air, feeling this soul with me energetically even though we were not physically together. I closed my eyes and saw his. And with a breath I fast forwarded through this life,
I sat at the doorstep of death and I took it in.
I felt the goodbye of the physical and I felt his hand in mine.
And I welcomed it because it was a spectacular sharing of a lifetime,
and I knew that not even death could take this from us.
It’s powerful and pure.
It’s limitless and it is what we all crave and desire.
We may settle for logical, smart and fun.
We may settle for “good enough.”
But we always remain hungry until we access our core and get aligned and right with self.
And then leap in faith into life and let ourselves be carried to what we KNOW is home.
“I can see the rest of my breaths in this lifetime in your arms.”
Yes I can.
I encourage you today my love, to look deep within yourself and ask yourself if you are settling or contemplating settling for just “good enough” in your relationship, in your love?
How does that knowing that you are settling make you feel?
Sit with that for a second if you can.
Stop making excuses.
Stop looking for the reasons and focusing on the fear of what if…
Instead know that you are worthy of a great penetrative love.
You are worthy of accessing heaven and experiencing a soul merger that you know at your core can be so,
but you currently have no knowledge or relationship with.
You must be willing to meet yourself though.
You must be willing to let go of your ego based loving ways,
you’re codependent habits and desires,
and you must be willing to be complete and whole in WHO YOU ARE FIRST.
This is your work.
This is the only earning you will ever have to do.
Become elevated to who you are and that soul aligned relationship will magically appear overnight.
what you desire and want,
wants and desires you too.
It’s time that you say F-ck Yes To YOU Love.
Elevate your love.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Ready to elevate your love and life in 2021?
Ready to call in that soul aligned relationship that you cannot see past?
Let’s get you aligned to your core love.
Reach out to me for information on my 1:1 and group coaching programs starting in January 2021 and the early bird discounts for those coming later this month.
CATCH ME IN THE EXHALE
The exchange of more than breath.
The release of more than just air.
The letting go.
The exchange that can only be experienced when a deep intimacy is present.
We crave to experience it,
We value and fear it.
We know its worth,
But we have little concept of it.
True intimacy eludes us in our relationships and often throughout our lives..
We hear the tales of intimate love,
Intimacy in our sex,
With God and spirit.
But we hardly grasp what it legitimately is.
That is until we have it upon us.
Breathing its existence into every fiber of our being.
And then we know.
Then it is unquestioned.
Intimacy is the most powerful energy connection that two people can share.
It exceeds the physical dimensions.
It can be felt from opposite sides of the planet,
It is a breathtaking connection of the rarest form.
But why is it so elusive to the majority of people,
For the majority of our lives?
Especially when we crave it,
Work toward it,
Value it and believe that we have it often to only discover that we are not even touching its rim when our reality awakens us to how distant we are in our lives from self, lovers and mates as well as God?
How do we so easily mistaken intimacy for the physical,
Or for communication or time shared?
How do we believe that intimacy is a physical sexual act,
Or something that can only be held in a container with just one?
When intimacy is expansive.
Just like the exhale,
It’s in the letting go and allowing of.
It’s in the leaning into its ebb and flow,
It’s in the energy of the exchange.
The crossing of energetic paths and the meeting of souls that are aligned.
It is the energetics of connection.
It is the depth that we journey into,
That exceeds words, actions and thought.
There is no distance that can prevent us from touching our lover intimately,
Through our sexual energy when we have this connection.
We can go there on the waves of emotion felt,
The visions we share,
The heartbeat of our combined ripples in time.
It is the exhale to our lovemaking,
It is the exhale from our running toward,
It is the exhale in our surrender,
And the exaltation of our joy in our meeting.
Intimacy is an energetic connection that has no reason to the ordinary.
It has no explanation as to why we have it with some and why no matter how hard we work to achieve it with others that it can never be.
There is no true methodology to create it.
It balances on the tightrope of vulnerability and unconditional love.
It needs witnessing and embracing for its truth.
And it can never live when it is controlled, harnessed or demanded to exist when it is not in its natural state.
You must catch it in the exhale of your very existence,
And in the exhale of all that you know and have known.
Because here is the only place where you can discover its beauty and strength.
Its depth and value,
It is the only place that you will be able to appreciate it for what it is and see that it is nothing like that, that you have experienced thus far.
When you release into the exhale of intimacy you will allow yourself to drift without question. You will enjoy the simplest of things and find yourself speaking without a need for words.
The silence of your energetic communication will be met with eye’s of knowing and hearts abound with love.
You will fall in trust into intimacy,
Because it is there to soothe you.
It is there to comfort and hold you in the knowing.
Can you feel it?
Have you felt it?
Or are you still captivated by the illusion of what you believe it should be and unhappy with the results of what you have?
Do you find yourself scratching your head in bewilderment at what I speak of.
Unable to grasp its power.
Unwilling still to lean into the challenging space of the unknown.
And let go.
Exhale into all that you crave with life,
With your lover or mate,
Your child and friend,
With God and self.
Intimacy is about the revealing of your deepest self.
It is about taking down all the barriers and being seen.
Intimacy has no boundaries.
Not physical nor space.
And that is the challenge of the human mind.
We resist the inability to control.
We fear what we have no say in.
And so we turn our backs on the beauty of what we crave.
We hide and complain,
We fight for the limitations of it and we disregard the fact that it us that is setting up the walls to this beautiful energetic connection.
It is our eyes that are blinded by fear.
Hidden from our sight by ego.
We can not recognize under the veils that we cover ourselves with the falsities of fear.
And so it remains elusive.
And we sit in our inner chaos,
desiring what we believe it is,
Wanting always for more.
And never satisfied.
Always lost and empty to some degree in the relationship of life.
With our lovers, ourselves and God.
But it is time my love.
It is time to let go and exhale.
That is where you will catch me at.
That is the space that I choose to surrender into and meet you there.
“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field. I’ll meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass the world is too full to talk about.” Rumi.
Here my love.
Here is where you will find me,
Witnessing self and life.
Exhaling into intimacy.
Will you catch me in the exhale?
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
It’s time to receive the lover of your dreams.
It’s time to stop fearing the what ifs.
It’s time to say yes to your F-ck Yes Life,
Now and forever more.
Reach out to me for coaching opportunities globally.
YOU LOVE HER POWER BUT YOU FEAR IT AS WELL.
The wild woman.
Her beauty and mystery,
something that you desire to taste more of.
The way she moves,
the curl of her lips as she speaks.
You watch her every move wanting more.
She is free and open,
she laughs and plays as though she has an innocent heart,
but the fire in her eyes reveals a woman who knows herself,
a woman who was born to lead and command great army’s if need be.
You feel her power by just standing in her presence.
You feel her hunger when you come near.
She is wild and crazy,
she is untamable and unfiltered,
She is coy, collected and breathless.
And you want her.
You want to experience her touch,
her kiss, the smell of her soft skin.
You want to hold her gently as well passionately.
She tests your manliness,
she toys with your thoughts and energy.
She is deliberate.
And you know this.
But you want more.
Believing that you can hold her.
Believing that you can carry her.
Believing that you want nothing more than her radiant light to expand through all the heavens,
you cannot imagine a world without her beaming beauty and strength,
and yet you fear it.
Deep inside your being there is terror.
It is unsettling and true.
You do not feel worthy of her,
you question if you are strong enough.
She rattles your inner most cages and shakes you to your soul,
can you conquer this greatness of the wild woman,
and do you even truly want to?
Will she let you penetrate her soul?
Or will you just be among the many who have tried and only fell by entering her body?
You want to be the one.
You desire her so.
You want to be the one that takes her breath away,
the way she does yours.
And so you try….
you stand firm in her fires,
you open yourself to utter destruction.
You know that you love her,
and feel confident if just for this moment in time that you can hold strong and breathe her in and hold her.
But the wilderness of the wild woman’s soul is not to be captured nor contained by any.
She was born free and free she must remain.
She is a goddess,
she is a witch,
she is a siren,
and a Queen.
She knows her power and will allow for it only to be pushed down for so long,
and then you will feel her rise once again and claim her rightful throne,
and under her foot will fall many.
All those who wanted to own her,
to conquer and control.
These are the boys who thought they were men.
These are the men who thought they were kings.
But they shunned her light as they spoke sweet words of love.
They harnessed her joy as they held her tight in their insecurities.
They jailed her passion, her sensualness and power with their jealousy and fear.
And she allowed them.
She let them rule her for a time,
in hope that she could be happy.
Here in the misery of her weakened state,
She is a wild woman.
And in her beauty you will be lost,
you will desire and crave,
you will want for her light to never dim,
but will you be like all the rest who have fallen?
Claiming her as your own.
Trapping her power.
Wanting it all for yourself.
As if it were something that you could take or understand.
Far from average she is.
She was never meant to be tamed.
There is no domesticating a wild woman,
you would be wiser to destroy the most beautiful of stain glass windows, then to try.
If you love her let her remain free.
Watch her dance for you as she will.
She will make you laugh and feel full in her intoxicating ways.
Let her move you as only the wild can.
But never, never hold on too tight.
Or know that her light may be put out with your hand.
Delicate and strong,
the wilderness will always call her.
She is a wild woman,
and you are but a man.
To all my beautiful wild women out there.
You know who you are. 🙂
My sisters you are deserving of kings,
enjoy all the men that you want,
but never settle for a throne that is not yours.
Hold your power and joy before you.
Feel into your hearts and pussies for answers,
ignore the trumpting judgments of those who do not see your truth and radiance,
they are blinded by the shadows of their own fear.
You are a wild woman and always will remain.
Open yourself to the universe,
open yourself once again to the gift of receiving.
It is here in your womb that you know your truth.
Listen with your heart of the wild.
Now run forward my fellow Queen.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
What are you waiting for my love?
Let’s get you your power back.
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PHOTO CREDIT @DANDELION iMAGES
It is frequently assumed that I go on many dates with many men..
It is assumed that to be a coach who teaches people how to have more, and deeper better sex that I must be loose or easy to bed.
That sex is something I am addicted too even.
Its often assumed that because I am the mother of seven that I am uncontrollable and quenchless in my thirst for sex or orgasm.
People often say to me,
” you would think that a sex coach would have figured out what causes pregnancy by now.”
Many look at me with horrified questioning eyes as they inquire if I will have any more children or why I am not currently married.
The assumptions roll through thier minds and almost escape thier lips.
Perhaps even you dear reader and follower wonder and question.
Perhaps you are among the assumers.
And I want you to know that I thank you.
I thank you for all that you feel.
All that you think.
And all that you sometimes goofily share in your assumptions.
I see your humanness.
And I do not judge it.
As you judge me.
I know what my truth is.
I know whom I love.
I know that my heart,
My message and my calling is felt and seen by those it is meant for.
Not everyone can be like a taco as my best friend would say.
And even though I may have a body part that resembles,
I am still not a taco.
I write this musing this evening to shed the light on how we judge what we do not understand.
How we cast stones with certainty,
But are enraged when they are thrown back without due reason in our opinion.
Today I share with you from a place I choose to call the labyrinth of mirrors.
This is the place where we can choose to see ourselves in ALL we come in contact with on our life journey,
Or we can turn away from them,
Look downward and become lost in the maze of our own fears and self criticism.
What do you choose my sweet human?
To be judge and jury to all in your life
And that you meet on your path.
Or to be human.
To be human means to be compassionate.
To self and to others.
To know that we do not know what anothers shoes are like.
What the path they have traveled took them through.
To be human means that you stand as witness not judge.
And to witness another is one of the greatest gifts we can ever offer.
To allow ourselves to be witnessed is the next.
Just yesterday I was working with a dear client of mine. This man has love streaming from every energy fiber he has. And yet he struggles with allowing himself the simple pleasure of recieving that love back.
I left him with the words,
” One day I hope you give me the gift of you allowing yourself to recieve my love.”
Now that statement may instantly bring up assumptions and judgments in you about me.
Or my coaching practice.
What does Kendal do with her clients?
Is she in romantic relations with them.
And you can assume.
You can judge.
And you can cast your head down and keep stubling through your maze.
Be my guest.
What I can tell you is that each day it is revealed and I am reminded of the deep intimacy I hold with these souls that are labled my clients.
They are not my clients.
They are my lovers.
I love each of them deeply.
The intimacy, vulnerability, rawness and depth that they trust me with is without messure one of the greatest gifts of this life time for me.
I love my clients.
I love them for thier willingness to stop bouncing off the walls of thier maze and instead to sit still and let them selves be revealed through the mirrors that are presented on thier path.
I love them for thier courage to catch thier inner judge and jury and fire them daily,
While loving themselves at a more intense level.
I love them for the tender moments that they give grace…
I love them for the humor and laughter as they learn how to skip through thier errors and self defeating patterns.
Yes they are my lovers.
And I love them for the blessings that they are.
Now back to that dating thing….
I have dated a few men in my time.
And I have dated many at the same time.
But the men of my current…
The men I choose daily.
These men you may or may never meet…
Some can be captured in picture.
Others in story.
More than one?
Yes in deed.
And does it matter whom they are to you?
Well lets just see if you have been listening.
They have your answer.
But the mirror will never lie.
As Always My Loves,
Stop Existing & Start Living
Coaching for Grown A*s Believers