😏I WAS NOT GOING TO SHARE THIS PHOTO…😳
I was not going to share this photo with you because I took it just for my man. I wanted to keep it intimate and private, for no other’s eyes.
You see I took it one morning a few weeks back after he had gone to work. We had enjoyed a most connective weekend together as we usually do and he had worked out in this shirt that I am wearing the day before.
The shirt smelt like him.
I was missing his essence.
I was missing him.
And like I often do in moments like this, I grab this particular shirt of his and wear it all day.
THIS day I wanted him to know that I was taking him everywhere with me. I even wore his sweaty workout shirt to my office to do client appointments….lol
AND SO I TOOK THIS PICTURE AND TEXTED IT TO HIM.
As you can see, there is nothing to see with this picture.
So outside of the fact that I took it just for him, why would I have an issue sharing this picture until today?
Why would I even be bothered?
After all, my business is to be vulnerable with you.
Share details, stories, thought provoking ideas and educate you on soulmate relationships and how to best go about manifesting that deep love, commitment and connection that all of us hunger for.
The answer to all of this is in your understanding that until my man walked into my life and made himself known to my soul, I have never felt a need to protect an intimate relationship before.
I have never felt territorial and protective.
I have never had the thought,
🙏”This relationship, this moment is sacred to my soul and must be cherished and protected.”🙏
I have been an open book for the most part about my marriage of almost 20 years, my divorce, my affair in that marriage, the rape that I expereinced, the open relationship that followed that marriage and all the men that I have dated and explored. I have taught classes on open/poly style relationships, I have taught on “living the orgasmic life” and how important transparency and freedom is. I have shared all of myself with my followers at this level and those that I have worked with over the last almost two decades.
And now I share my heart and soul about truly being elevated by a soulmate love like I never thought was possible. I had read about it.
Heard about it in the many spiritual books and studies through the years that I had done and I craved it with every fiber of my being.
Craved it so much so,
that I attempted to believe that I had it in another and was heartbroken when I discovered how fake that relationship was.
And did not believe that it was possible or that I was deserving of it so much so, that I allowed myself to settle into a few relationships that were so out of alignment to my soul that all I can say is that those were insightful lessons of self-discovery that I could never have deliberately searched out.
Thank heavens for those rocky relationships and all that I experienced there and learned. Because the reality is that without those relationships and tough lessons about self and soul alignment, without the universe stepping in and breaking things up the way that it did, I would not be aligned to my man today.
😳I WOULD HAVE MISSED HIM.😟
And in truth, I did miss him…
You see the universe is a strange and humourous place.
Both him and I lived a few times over just blocks from each other as we bounced around the Seattle area doing life there in the same years.
We frequented the same coffee locations and stores.
We might have spoken in a line while waiting on a latte.🤣
Then somehow we both found ourselves in Texas.
And we found ourselves in a wound from a relationship.
Both lost in our hearts and souls, armoured up to the point that when we actually met, we did not recognize each other at that deep soul level.
The armour was so heavy that we pushed away from each other without recognition or pain, only to go do our own work on self.
And this is what we did.
We each worked on ourselves.
Until the work became about us taking the next step to heal together and to drop those guards fully.
And so a few years back we came together as though for the first time. And from the first few meetings our souls began to sing a song to each other about love, commitment of lifetimes and a deep connection that was entwined through time and space.
🙏🥰I found myself in the stillness of moments together looking into his eyes and saying, “YES.”
He would chuckle and say be careful what you say yes to.
And I would just respond with that was from my soul.
My soul wants you to know that I am a yes. 🙏🥰
I KNEW WHAT I WAS SAYING YES TO…
IT WAS YES TO UNITING WITH HIM FULLY.
GOING ALL IN.
I could feel the collapse of thousands of years upon us, melding us together and the knowing that still stirs through my core today each moment is brilliantly delicious and confirming.
Now my outside world is readjusting to my heart and soul.
There is much cleanup and repairs that are unway in my business life, my friendships, my family and even shadows that lurk from my past. All that learning about self, those lessons that had to be given, they all bare with them a weight that is being purged.
Almost as karmic debt from a millennia is being wiped away as he and I go deeper.
Standing here in the light of all this love, basking in the reality that we are together and that this sacredness that I feel is precious beyond measure.
Bringing with it the desire to protect.
The need to consistently make a stand against the shadows that arise and try to steal the brilliance, the love, the connection.
My thought this morning while walking, hand in hand with him,
This is an intimacy.
And intimacy by definition is about a depth in vulnerability, openness and connection that can only be developed to its fullness when both parties are merged spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically.
As history reveals, such a sacredness in anything is often under attack. We humans as much as we hunger for love, connection, sacredness, our soulmates or anything that feels of the divine nature, we also have urges to destroy and cause chaos when we witness others than ourselves enjoying these delicacies of life.
There is a recognition that we have to have in relationships or anything that we are striving for and believe that we have encountered. This is the recognition of territorialism vs. jealousy.
and protection vs. control.
👉One is from soul, the other from ego. 👈
By doing the inner work on self and aligning to your truth, to your core you will be able to identify with greater ease which you are operating from.
You will feel and witness your inner realms and be able to address if you are just trying to control, please, manage, manipulate or avoid.
OR if you are addressing issues, shadows and maskings that have covered you for years and karmic debts that must be washed away in order for the union with such a sacred relationship to manifest and become rock solid.
However THIS my beautiful reader requires your desire to step forth in courage and meet yourself.
To see yourself in all your shadows and light.
To embrace your inner demons and your past, even finding gratitude for all the unpleasantries that you have experienced.
You must capture your truth.
And the only way to do this is to dive deep into who you are at your soul’s core.
you elevate yourself in love and thus call in your soulmate.
Ready to and able to see you.
Want to learn more on how to call in your soulmate love and unite with self at this depth so you too can heal, gain life fulfillment and find that joy that you crave?
Reach out to me today in the comments to find out more.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Helping dynamite powerful souls like yourself discover love and fulfilment is what my passion is. Over the last two decades I have worked with hundreds of women & men such as yourself to call in their soulmate by aligning to their truth. I have guided countless couples not to just rekindle a love that they thought was lost, but to create an empowered turned on and fully aligned partnership based in love with 8 simple steps. If you are a woman or man who is looking for happiness, love and abundance in life and is sick and tired of just getting by, reach out to me for a FREE Clarity Call today where we will define exactly what is holding you back, what you are wanting to call in and the next best steps to achieve your desired life. Message me to set up your FREE Clarity Call today.
WE ARE THE ONLY SPECIES THAT WANTS TO GO AGAINST OUR BIOLOGY.
Well, mostly we women that is.
Guys will claim THIS, but somewhere inside they get it is not so, they know that they claim it to just keep that doorway there,
where we women tend to want to disregard, ignore and act as though we are above our biology.
It was not that long ago that I was one of these women myself.
I thought that I could manage it.
I truly believed that I could have the relationship and it just be what I was calling it and that both parties were feeling the same way.
I believed that we were elevated in consciousness to the level that sexual desire did not play a role and that I could seriously “just be friends” with my male friends and that they were down for it just being that and even wanted just that.
THEN I came into the awareness that most if not all of my male friends were actually attracted to me and that if given the opportunity would happily walk through the door of a sexual encounter with me. So I justified the friendship by saying that they respected me and my wishes and that it was manageable.
I came to terms, with if a guy was hanging out in my life as a friend of some nature that he most likely wanted to bed me and I then believed that that was just the way it was and I had to accept it, but could still have the friendships, just needed to be aware.
After all, I am one of those women who has never not had a male friendship since I was 2 – years old.
I have had far more “good” friendships with men than with women over the course of my life.
The thought of giving up my male friendships pained me.
Feeling as though I would have no one left in my true friendship circle if I dumped the guys.
Then I had a few conversations with my son’s who are grown and almost grown, with some of these male friends, with male clients and even with my man.
Their shares can be summed up here,
“Why would I hang out with a female if I was not attracted to her? If I wanted to hang out for all the reasons we guys hang out and do what we guys do, then I would certainly choose to hang out with a guy friend, not a female.”
They all came back with, if they were hanging with a female there were desires to be with her intimately.
And I started to really allow myself to feel this.
To get right with male/female relating.
I looked at my conversations, my shared moments with the majority of my male friends and saw the intimateness.
Sure there was no sex, there was no kissing or intimate touch, but we certainly did share intimacy. Only the kind of intimacy that you can get from the opposite sex.
There was even a flirtiness at times.
Beautiful as it is, it is ground that is not stable.
And no matter how respectful and loyal a male friend can be to us women, if given the opportunity to have a door crack open and him get a chance to be with us, he will.
Meaning that if you are a committed woman, in any label of relationship out there (and I have been under a few labels over the course of the last two decades) that if you are pissed, upset, feeling disconnected in any fashion or form with YOUR MAN, and you share confidence with a male friend, know that you are cracking a door open.
If you are a single woman and you have guy friends,
and believe that they can maintain without issues,
understand first you are almost being cruel to the men in your life,
because without realizing it you are teasing them.
Yes just by being you.
Just by doing you.
If you want to be taken on dates,
experience the male energy,
etc. then perhaps looking at doing just that is the answer.
GO ON A DATE.
And realize that often the best romantic and intimate relationships are based in friendship.
The fact that you think of a man as a good friend,
If you have a trust, a vulnerability there, a fun playfulness with your male friend and you are both open to a relationship that is of more than your pseudo friendship, then maybe the universe has already blessed you with a wonderful man to explore in a romantic fashion.
If you are good with just “managing” these male relationships and keeping them at bay in some fashion, ask yourself:
💃 What am I really gaining from this friendship or looking for with it if I know that he wants me sexually but is just holding back because of what I have stated the boundaries are?
💃 How can this male friendship impact (positively /negatively) an intimate relationship I am in or want to be in?
💃 If I was in an intimate relationship with someone and they were having deep conversations, moments and connections of a vulnerable/intimate yet non-sexual version with another woman frequently what sort of impact would that have on the relationship? Emotionally? Physically?Energetically?
💃 What does significant other or primary relationship mean to me and how does opposite sex relationships outside of this hinder or support?
Now, I know what you might be feeling.
You may say, that is such an emotionally immature way of looking at relationships.
You may say that a “conscious man” is above this.
You may say that there is zero harm from being flirty with your male friends, no matter if you are in a romantic relationship or not with someone else.
You may actually believe and point to lifelong friendships that have never let you down and you are certain that they are “just a brother” to you.
I have thought all of this.
I have believed all of this.
And repeatedly been blown out of the water from these.
We cannot deny our biology.
Men are men.
Women are women.
And we relate differently.
We bond differently.
Men love boobs, booty, legs, hair, our eyes and are wanting to explore us inside and out.
They will smile, chat it up, be helpful and drive from a state away to to show us how much they want to give us their attention.
They will support us in the worst of times.
They will applaud us in the best of times.
And they mean it.
But they still want the woman that stands before them.
They would not be putting their attention on us if they did not desire us in some fashion.
This is why so many men fall in the face of a woman’s attention.
Wars have been based, fought and won for the chance to be with a woman.
It’s just biology.
We women need to get right with it and stop being silly,
thinking that it’s harmless however.
Time to level up your relating.
Stop Existing & Start Believing
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Ready to claim your life back from suffering, fear, doubt and misfortune? Ready to call in the love relationship you desire. The abundance you crave for and the joy you know can be yours.
This Is what I have worked with thousands of people like yourself to have over the last two decades. Reach out to me today.
I NEVER WANT TO NOT GET LOST IN YOU.
That we come into frequently, I am in love with its pain…
that sounds poetically beautiful, but it’s true.
I never want to lose the surrender of my heart and soul to you.
I never want to be alright with us parting.
I never want to be ok with a rift between us.
I love our rawness.
I love our love.
You open my caverns to worlds I had believed were lost.
I hunger for the rapture of your touch,
for how your loving gaze ignites every fiber of my being,
as I catch you watching me from afar.
I can stare into your eyes for years,
lost in how I melt into nothing,
and yet feel everything.
My heart spasms in ecstasy as you draw me in and make me aware.
Aware of your intent.
Aware of your purpose.
Aware of just how you know that you will lead me.
Lead me home.
Back to us,
back to where we rest together,
entwined and free.
I carry you on my lips,
you run through my veins,
I AM LOST IN YOU.
They say that when two souls unit as one that there is a bond that is unmeasurable,
there is a pain found in the most microscopic time spent away from each other,
a hunger and yearning that has no reason.
Because the souls have no sense of time.
Once united the souls only desire is to remain together.
The world can wash away,
vision outside of us is blind.
And I am lost in you.
Craving only for your touch.
Your eyes upon mine.
Lost in this life trance of feeling found.
My shields are down.
My heart is surrendered.
My soul elated.
My body open.
There is no armour that I can hold.
A love beyond reason.
Beyond physical or anything one can comprehend.
I AM LOST IN YOU.
And in all my lostness, I AM FOUND.
I am home.
This poetry of soul goes out to all those who believe that they have found their soulmates, their twin flames and the one that sets them on fire.
There is a place that we can find peace,
that grace abounds,
and love overflows.
We touch on it in relationship here and there,
awakening us to the reality that there is something more.
Our souls know who we are and when they meet,
there is a SOUL YES that occurs.
It is unspoken.
Unmeasured to anything else.
It cannot be forced or created with skill or even time.
We can mimic, mask and attempts to believe that we have it,
but only until it graces our life path,
and opens our hearts,
do we truly KNOW.
A love like this is beyond reason.
A love like this breaks down all our armour and demands for us to surrender to it or be lost in hiding forever.
A love of this nature is what our storybooks try to depict,
and we ever have the sense it is out there awaiting us.
But the majority grow weary and tired.
Hungry for connection.
And settle for something less.
Always wanting for what they know is possible.
For those of you who feel the SOUL YES,
who have no doubt or question,
who look into the eyes of your lover,
and speak the silent language that only souls speak.
This musing is for you.
YOU ARE LOST.
and YOU ARE FOUND.
Let down your armour.
Bask in your awakening of coming home.
From my soul on fire to yours,
Always loving you from here.
Remember you are worthy.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
It’s time to live out loud, free and in love.
Manifest your soul relationship today.
Reach out to me for mentoring and the law of attraction in love, abundance and life happiness now.
CATCH ME IN THE EXHALE
The exchange of more than breath.
The release of more than just air.
The letting go.
The exchange that can only be experienced when a deep intimacy is present.
We crave to experience it,
We value and fear it.
We know its worth,
But we have little concept of it.
True intimacy eludes us in our relationships and often throughout our lives..
We hear the tales of intimate love,
Intimacy in our sex,
With God and spirit.
But we hardly grasp what it legitimately is.
That is until we have it upon us.
Breathing its existence into every fiber of our being.
And then we know.
Then it is unquestioned.
Intimacy is the most powerful energy connection that two people can share.
It exceeds the physical dimensions.
It can be felt from opposite sides of the planet,
It is a breathtaking connection of the rarest form.
But why is it so elusive to the majority of people,
For the majority of our lives?
Especially when we crave it,
Work toward it,
Value it and believe that we have it often to only discover that we are not even touching its rim when our reality awakens us to how distant we are in our lives from self, lovers and mates as well as God?
How do we so easily mistaken intimacy for the physical,
Or for communication or time shared?
How do we believe that intimacy is a physical sexual act,
Or something that can only be held in a container with just one?
When intimacy is expansive.
Just like the exhale,
It’s in the letting go and allowing of.
It’s in the leaning into its ebb and flow,
It’s in the energy of the exchange.
The crossing of energetic paths and the meeting of souls that are aligned.
It is the energetics of connection.
It is the depth that we journey into,
That exceeds words, actions and thought.
There is no distance that can prevent us from touching our lover intimately,
Through our sexual energy when we have this connection.
We can go there on the waves of emotion felt,
The visions we share,
The heartbeat of our combined ripples in time.
It is the exhale to our lovemaking,
It is the exhale from our running toward,
It is the exhale in our surrender,
And the exaltation of our joy in our meeting.
Intimacy is an energetic connection that has no reason to the ordinary.
It has no explanation as to why we have it with some and why no matter how hard we work to achieve it with others that it can never be.
There is no true methodology to create it.
It balances on the tightrope of vulnerability and unconditional love.
It needs witnessing and embracing for its truth.
And it can never live when it is controlled, harnessed or demanded to exist when it is not in its natural state.
You must catch it in the exhale of your very existence,
And in the exhale of all that you know and have known.
Because here is the only place where you can discover its beauty and strength.
Its depth and value,
It is the only place that you will be able to appreciate it for what it is and see that it is nothing like that, that you have experienced thus far.
When you release into the exhale of intimacy you will allow yourself to drift without question. You will enjoy the simplest of things and find yourself speaking without a need for words.
The silence of your energetic communication will be met with eye’s of knowing and hearts abound with love.
You will fall in trust into intimacy,
Because it is there to soothe you.
It is there to comfort and hold you in the knowing.
Can you feel it?
Have you felt it?
Or are you still captivated by the illusion of what you believe it should be and unhappy with the results of what you have?
Do you find yourself scratching your head in bewilderment at what I speak of.
Unable to grasp its power.
Unwilling still to lean into the challenging space of the unknown.
And let go.
Exhale into all that you crave with life,
With your lover or mate,
Your child and friend,
With God and self.
Intimacy is about the revealing of your deepest self.
It is about taking down all the barriers and being seen.
Intimacy has no boundaries.
Not physical nor space.
And that is the challenge of the human mind.
We resist the inability to control.
We fear what we have no say in.
And so we turn our backs on the beauty of what we crave.
We hide and complain,
We fight for the limitations of it and we disregard the fact that it us that is setting up the walls to this beautiful energetic connection.
It is our eyes that are blinded by fear.
Hidden from our sight by ego.
We can not recognize under the veils that we cover ourselves with the falsities of fear.
And so it remains elusive.
And we sit in our inner chaos,
desiring what we believe it is,
Wanting always for more.
And never satisfied.
Always lost and empty to some degree in the relationship of life.
With our lovers, ourselves and God.
But it is time my love.
It is time to let go and exhale.
That is where you will catch me at.
That is the space that I choose to surrender into and meet you there.
“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field. I’ll meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass the world is too full to talk about.” Rumi.
Here my love.
Here is where you will find me,
Witnessing self and life.
Exhaling into intimacy.
Will you catch me in the exhale?
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
It’s time to receive the lover of your dreams.
It’s time to stop fearing the what ifs.
It’s time to say yes to your F-ck Yes Life,
Now and forever more.
Reach out to me for coaching opportunities globally.
So there I was leg up on the lip of my shower,
shaving the back of my thigh,
hot water washing down my back,
irritating me because it was washing out my conditioner prematurely,
when it came to me.
I figured out why I have a resistance to love.
Not just to love,
but to allowing myself to fall deeply,
penetratively in love with my man,
with my life,
I was flabbergasted at my realization. 🤦♀️
How could I be so silly to not have caught this before.
Perhaps I was just unwilling to see it.
Perhaps I was not ready to fully let go.
Perhaps a whole lot of shit to be frank about it,
and the reality is simple.
have been holding myself back from the feelings and experiences that I have desired for the last two plus years almost.
Crazy as it sounds.
It is true.
And thanks to my shower today and now nicely shaved legs,
I was blessed with the ability to change it.
Because you see you cannot change something until you awaken to the fact that it needs changed in the first place.
Which is why life is the way that it is.
Sure we get ample opportunity to see what needs to happen,
we feel it at our cores often,
but we humans tend to disregard anything that is not smack dab in our faces presenting a challenge.
AKA a PROBLEM.
Which is why we create problems for ourselves.
We need them to expand.
To grow and to create the life that we are called to live.
Problems allow us to witness what needs attention,
what needs improvement,
And often they rise up from our “feelings”
yes those nasty things that we are told to not pay much attention too because they will misguide us.
But the reality is that our feelings are there to guide us.
They are there to tell us when we are not in alignment to our souls path.
And that causes us pain.
Of some sort.
So what do we do?
We get into a sticky painful situation,
and we COMMIT to change our evil ways.
We commit to work harder.
To not trust so easily.
To take better care of our bodies and our hearts.
We commit to trying harder.
And the list goes on.
And don’t get me wrong, commitments make our realities.
However, the trick is knowing what you committed to and if the commitment is in alignment with your soul’s desire.
You see, this commitment that I made about two and half years ago, was not ultimately in alignment with my heart or soul. It was a commitment made out of pain.
Intense pain, my heart was breaking and I was scared and angry at this for happening. I was not understanding why it was happening or how this could even be. And in my suffering I stated to the person who I blamed with great emotional attachment,
” I will NEVER love again.”
I went on to tell him that I would never trust a man again or surrender the way I had with him, that if this is what it got me then it was too big a price to pay and I was committing to not not allow myself to get hurt again at this level.
You may think that those were just words,
that I could just ignore and carry on.
That someone awesome could turn around and walk into my life and change my commitment.
perhaps that might be so.
But it has not been so for me.
Instead my other commitments to myself that I wrote down prior to this one above, started to knock heads with this commitment and even though I had manifested a wonderful man into my world,
not just any man BTW,
but a man that I scripted out in my journal and who has 75% of my list of desires in a man,
yeah… not bad for a day’s worth of journaling work.
Yeah, not even he could break through this commitment to love.
And so, it has been that the last two years I have consistently kept myself “safe from love” not allowing myself to feel what I have wanted to feel fully and getting repeatedly upset with the world and my life and soul because of it but not catching the root of my issue.
This morning as I thought about it,
and as life would have it all week long,
I have had plenty of opportunity to read through old journal entries as I clean up areas of my home.
My soul most certainly is on a mission to CONFIRM to me that I am really great at holding commitment to myself.
Especially commitments made with strong emotional attachment.
A few years back,
when I was struggling financially to get over the $100k a year mark in my practice, I committed to myself and wrote it faithfully for months on end in my journal that,
“I commit to make no less than $95,000 a year from this moment forward.”
That year I made $146k.
And I have not looked back since.
I also wrote,
” I commit to having my schedule booking out 4 months in advance.”
And it still remains so that my schedule is booking 4 to 6 month in advance.
” I commit to being recognized on TV.”
And shortly thereafter, was called by Lifetime TV to work on an episode of Married at First Sight.
My list of commitments is long.
My list of emotionally supported commitments is long.
Some emotions however, support my soul’s desires.
And some do not.
My shower realization is that although commitments are thought to be a good thing,
and they most certainly do mean the world.
That what we as individuals need to understand,
is the true power of our words.
Of our commitments to self.
And what we say in passion sticks with us and sometimes can get buried under our day to day lives and thoughts.
Sometimes these commitments we carry for a lifetime,
and they can be the root cause to us not thriving no matter how hard we work,
to not feeling love, no matter how hard we love,
to not feeling safe,
no matter how hard we try and make ourselves trust.
Commitments make our realities.
Let’s start being conscious of them,
and changing the ones that no longer serve.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Watch: Say It With Me!Commit to NOT Lick Your Phone
Take advantage right now of a lifetime opportunity to work with me in my intensive 4 week mastermind where you get to work 1:1 with me to learn the keys that I woke up to back in 2009 and changed my whole life outcome with. Let me guide you through the turbulence of the storms and show you the power of letting go of fear so that you can create the life of dreams, you know that you desire and deserve it. Let’s make it happen. Message me for deet’s