Safety In Relationships – What That REALLY Means!

Safety In Relationships – What That REALLY Means!

 

Relationship. 

Most humans want a relationship, 

They are looking to be loved, to be cherished and cared for. 

One of the main things I hear over and over again in my couple’s work or when working with a client who has recently come out of a relationship is that they “just want to feel safe.”

 

The word safe, the concept of safety in an intimate relationship is one that seems like it should be a ‘no duh’ sorta thing, right?

 

I mean, why would you get into a relationship with someone if you don’t feel safe?

That is causing you some sort of harm. 

Often, though, the word safe does not mean that one is being abused. 

It does not mean that they are being harmed in any physical or emotional fashion even, 

All it is in relation to is that the individual doesn’t feel that they can trust their partner with their most intimate realms, with their needs, fears, complaints, opinions, or true ideas around certain topics without their words and feelings being used against them somewhere down the road. 

 

And these are BIG issues in modern intimate relationships of all manner. 

 

The ability to trust and be vulnerable with our mate is what is required if we are to truly be able to rest in the arms of the relationship and enjoy happiness, connection, and longevity. 

If we are aiming to go the long haul with someone then we must be able to trust them and reveal ourselves. 

 

ALL of ourselves. 

Although NOT all of the time. 

I should make the critical point here that the concept that trust and vulnerability, knowing everything that there is to know about each other and providing a space where there is nothing hidden is and often can be detrimental to the relationship. We must understand that we will never fully know any other human being on this planet in totality. We must as well understand and accept that always stating the “brutal honest truth” is not always the healthiest nor most loving thing for the relationship. Sometimes the “brutal truth” is a criticism that doesn’t need to be stated at that moment and will quickly trigger an old wound that will manifest into an avalanche of pain and disconnection for the couple. Sometimes, these painful “truths” need to be swallowed by the one who is wanting to share them because they only cause harm to the entity of “us” to the relationship and thus to the individuals in the relationship. 

 

We see this consistently in arguments. 

How many times have you found yourself losing sight of the point that you were originally wanting to make or the solution that you were wanting to find because  you or your partner were triggered and thus an argument stirred up and all points were lost?

 

Next thing you know, one harsh word is quickly followed by another and there is an assasination of each person’s character happening. Creating further wounding and separation as each enter the blame game and armour up in their towers against the enemy that they call their soulmate. 

 

Safety in relationship means simply that I can trust you to care about me. 

To want what is best for me. 

To care about my feelings. 

And to not use them against me down the road. 

 

The saying that all is fair in love and war is pretty accurate however, and we tend to file away the things that our partners share with us in deep vulnerability only to use it for ammo another day. 

 

Unfortunately, this tactic only leads to separation, fear to share, to open up and creates a space where both parties do not trust the other. 

 

In early stage relationship ( the courting phase and honeymoon) we desire to learn all that we can about our mate. We are mesmerized by their hearts, how they see life, what they have lived through, what their dreams are and fears. We want them to know that we have their backs, that we are a rock for them that will not waiver. Our rose tinted glasses keep us focused on “what we can do for them” and the beauty of the entity of “us” that makes up this relationship. We intently listen with limited judgement about their past and present. And we offer all the same of ourselves. 

 

Give a couple years of relationship and we almost 100% of the time find a radically different dynamic happening. 

 

Now, we find exhaustion in our partners fears and dreams. 

We look at the relationship and we say, “What have you done for me lately?”

We point out all the times that we were there and they were not. 

We find ourselves drifting off in judgement and criticism in our heads and thoughts when our partner shares with us, and we believe that we know them so well that we already know what they will be sharing about their thoughts and feelings around any given topic. 

 

This is where the statement of:

 

“You always…”

“You never…”

And so many more “YOU” comments are birthed. 

 

From the very first vocalizations of these comments we no longer have our focused on the entity of “us” or a desire to make the relationship better, but instead we have turned our attention to the blaming of our partner and all that they have done to create pain for us. 

 

Not realizing that we have been triggered by something, 

That we are not in alignment or agreement with what they have shared. 

Most often, this is seen when one partner is sharing a feeling.

The other will feel guilt, irritation, frustration, fear, anger  around the feeling shared and it translates to them that their partner is blaming them for the feeling. 

However, no one is responsible for our feelings. 

No one can make/force you to feel anything. 

Feelings come from within. From the way we are viewing things, how we relate that to our past and the perceptions that we are having about our current or future. 

You see, when our partner shares a feeling with us that we do not agree with, we stop being able to hear them accurately after 10 seconds. That is about three sentences worth of sharing before you drift off into your own inner dialogue about what your partner is attempting to share.

 

And before you know it you are reacting to your story line about what is happening instead of the truth. 

 

It’s sorta like your partner says, “ I feel hungry.” 

And you instantly feel guilty for not having food available, ready or making an offer to them to eat something. So your reaction without the conscious thought about why you are responding the way you are is, “ We just had lunch two hours ago.”

Your tone is of frustration or irritation as to “how could they be hungry again?”

Next thing you know the tone of your comment says to your partner, “He/she does not care that I am hungry and instead is angry with me about being hungry. Maybe I should not be hungry. I don’t want my partner to be upset with me.”

 

If this scenario is repeated multiple times over a relationship it creates a pattern. 

And it plays on the program that the majority of us have from childhood that says that we don’t want to be a nuisance or to ask for our needs if its going to cause issues. 

 

And, so we quickly learn that even in our most intimate loving relationships that we are not safe to reveal our feelings or needs. That there are conditions to being loved by this other individual and that we need to abide by them in order to remain in the relationship. 

 

Now the example above may seem silly to some, because if you feel hungry then you feel hungry. The same as if you feel cold. Who are any of us to argue with someone feeling either of these things. We are not in their bodies. 

Yet, over and over again we argue with our mates about how they feel and try to disarm those feelings by making them less or turning our partners feelings into poisonous darts that we assume are deliberately aiming at our egos.

 

Making neither party feel safe in the relationship.

Both are now questioning how much they can reveal, how much they can trust and in turn often choose to not share as much moving forward. 

 

Creating separation and surface level communication, loving, sharing and intimacy. 

Depth dissipates and the two people become individuals again instead of residing in the entity of “us.”

 

Always on the lookout for the next time their partner says something that reminds them of when… and how it made them feel…

 

If we are to have “safety” in a relationship then we need to respect one anothers feelings, understanding that feelings are just that, feelings and there is no right or wrong way to feel. 

It most certainly is not our place to be judge and jury over our mates feelings about anything. 

What we can do to create a safe container for our love to evolve and grow is to become a better witness of our own mind and heart. To acknowledge that we are far from perfect ourselves and that we get triggered by our mates. If we want to have depth and trust in the relationship, then we need to take responsibility for our own realms and feelings and learn how to better communicate them and when so that we do not add to the fires of war but instead speak what is true. Becoming aware of our egos, our pain bodies and how our past impacts our current perceptions and ideas is vital to harvesting a strong, loving, connected relationship. 

 

However ,the only person on this planet that can do that for you is YOU.

And it will require you to want an empowered relationship with yourself first and then with your partner. It will force you to see your shadow self as well as your radiance and to learn timing, non-violent communication, what your real needs, wants and expectations are in your relationship and an upleveld way of sharing them. 

 

Relationships are not for the timid or weak hearted.

If you are among the many that believe that you can just get in one, set it to auto pilot and all is good, you will find yourself lost and alone pretty quickly. At very least feeling empty. 

Relationship with another human being means that you will have to explore a new you, over and over again. And the same of your mate. 

 

For time together, means transformation of the self and the entity of “us.”

 

Ready?

 

As Always, 

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

-KW

The body holds memory in its cells. Your organs, joints and muscles all contain emotional memory. Doing the mental/psychological work is vitally important however it does not release you from the bondage of your trauma. This can only be fully accomplished through physical release and restoration. Louise Hay studied this at great length and taught on the emotional connection to disease, ancient Chinese medicine studied the connection of the mind/body/emotional houses as well. Today science is proving that we are woven together and that by attempting to compartmentalize our very being into sections that we do not achieve the healing and transformation that we desire for any length of time because of this separation.

If you are tired of not having the lasting results in your self-growth and healing that you so badly want for and wonder why, look no further. Reach out to me today for your exploratory consult for structural quantum integration work where you will once and for all release the past traumas, restore vitality and health and have a fresh clarity on who you are and what your future can be.

Email me today for your FREE Explorative Consult for this Exclusive Bodywork Series.

WHY LIE ABOUT LITTLE THINGS IN RELATIONSHIP?

WHY LIE ABOUT LITTLE THINGS?🤔

 

I will never understand this.

We all have told lies.

We all withhold truth sometimes.

Or share something with an exaggeration,

in the perception that we feel it instead of the way that it actually occurred.

 

👉I get it.

👉I am guilty.

 

But to lie about little things.

Especially things that do not matter.

And to do it right to someone’s face,

or even go out of the way to tell a lie?

 

Don’t you get that when you choose to lie about these sorts of things…

 

That when you get up in someone’s face to tell your lies about these meaningless things…

 

👉👉👉That NOW THEY MEAN EVERYTHING.😬🤣🧐🤨

 

And the fact that you had to “fib” about it.

The fact that you are working so hard to step out of alignment and try and get another to believe you,

that you are even going above and beyond to make it known that:

 

🤣 I AM NOT DOING THIS….( fill in the blank)

😂 I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT THAT…

🤣 I AM ONLY DOING WHAT YOU ASKED….

😂 I WOULD NEVER…

 

😬 It wasn’t me! ( As Shaggy Would sing. 🎤🎼)

 

So silly we are when we are trying to cover up our little lies.

So funny it is to just sit back and watch the show that is put together just for us when our friends, family, lovers and others choose to dance around in this land of falsities.

 

I know when I am not in alignment with myself.

When I am grasping at straws because I feel like I am not good enough, or cannot get it right.

When I am wanting for something/someone so badly and not getting my way, that I have been known to  do the above.

 

To step fully out of alignment with my SOUL.

And to try and concoct something.

To create more drama.

To wrap myself up tightly into my own fears.

And cut myself off from reality.

 

You see THIS is exactly what we do when we choose to tell little lies.

When we choose to step away from the truth,

away from what feels right and good at our soul’s core.

 

When we are so far out of alignment,

and our lives seem to be crashing down around us,

no matter how much physical work we are putting in,

and we think…

 

🤔 If Only…

 

*That person was still in my life.

*they had done what I wanted.

*they had cared more.

*they saw everything that I sacrificed for them.

*how much I love them.

 

And so many more things.

 

Yes, we sit in our human dramatization in our own world,

in our head and we plot and scheme what “should” be or have happened.

And we sulk in our victimhood.

 

Our world continues to spin and crash.

And we step further and further away from our SOUL.

 

We choose.

We choose to say no to the truth.

No to alignment.

 

And the little lies start to pile up as we try and scrape together anything we can to get the attention that we desire.

To have a second of feeling like we matter.

 

Unfortunately,

The reality is that when we choose to carry the burden of all these little lies and to work so hard at making sure that they are not noticed, not paid attention, that we set the stage for our own demise.

 

🧐🤔HOW CAN YOU EVER TRUST SOMEONE WHO CHOOSES TO LIE ABOUT MEANINGLESS SH*T❓❓❓

 

If someone lies about this sorta stuff…

well the big ticket stuff certainly cannot be trusted.

 

On top of that…

If you have done this or experienced this with a friend, family or lover, then you may find yourself also  questioning EVERYTHING else that they ever did or said.

 

Am I right?😏

 

I am.

You know I am.

Try as much as we do to repair relationships.

To rebuild trust.

To act out of love and compassion.

To make excuses for people.

 

Because we are good people ourselves.

Because we do believe that this person is a good person.

 

The reality is…

 

YOU LIE ABOUT SMALL MEANINGLESS SH*T – YOU LOSE TRUST IN ALL AREAS AND POTENTIALLY FOREVER.  🤥🤥🤥

 

So here is my coachy advice to you.

 

STOP THAT SH*T NOW!

Own up to your drama creation.

Work on getting into alignment with your soul.

Let go of your need for approval.

 

And accept yourself.

 

Now go.

Do as you will.

But realize that more than likely if you are one who has been working hard at those little lies…🤏

You feel like you really need to keep them going.

That you have your reasons.

 

Most likely…

YOU ARE ALREADY BUSTED. 👈

 

Whoever you are lying too, is just popping popcorn and enjoying your show.

 

As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Alignment is EVERYTHING luv.

Is life seeming to be more difficult than you think it should be?

Are you working your a*ss off and not feeling like you are getting anywhere.

 

Well, the issue is that you can work 24/7 in the physical world and if you are out of alignment with your soul, then you will only see a third of the results that you should if that.

 

Love, money, health, your whole life situation.

Success in it, which in my book means you feeling happy and fulfilled depends on alignment.

 

Reach out to me today to learn about:

Canvas, Core, Integrate – Alignment of body and energy for maximum spiritual and emotional healing + blended intuitive coaching.

*This is a structural bodywork series with blended coaching.

FREE Discovery Call at your request.

IS GOING MONOGAMOUS AFTER BEING POLYAMOROUS LEVELING UP YOUR RELATIONSHIP?

👊💥👉IS GOING MONOGAMOUS AFTER BEING POLYAMOROUS LEVELING UP YOUR RELATIONSHIP?😳👈

 

It’s a personal thing.

Well it should be a personal thing.

 

Recently I saw a status update from a man who was in a polyamorous relationship with a woman and she was in a relationship with another man. She decided that she wanted to “level up ” her relationship with this other man and came to the man I know and shared her decision and reasons. Although he was hurt, he understood and they parted with respect and understanding.

 

Another person recently shared that they had gone through something similar:

 

Can anyone relate? Several love connections have recently decided to monogamously close their new relationships

We’ve stayed in touch, but there’s been no acknowledgment or curiosity of how this transition may affect the feelings of someone who still has active desires. While I believe everyone has the absolute freedom to decide what relationship structure they desire at the moment, I’m having emotions around the lack of attunement or transitional “aftercare”. 😔

 

Now granted this share stirrers a bunch for me and I will be sharing it over the week as we go along but for today I am focusing on the transition from poly to monogamous and why some people feel it is “leveling up” a relationship.

 

As many of you may be aware, I was once upon a time married for almost two decades. It was a monogamous marriage, very traditional, very normal by the standards and we had with it all the typical challenges that come with marriage.

 

I realized over the course of time that I felt trapped. I felt unseen. I felt controlled and like I had to sacrifice pieces of myself to keep the marriage going. I found myself not speaking my truth, hiding my emotions and thoughts around tons of things and it was all eating away at me. I became dead to life, caloused to my heart and feelings, as well as to my sex and a zombie in so many ways.

 

So one day, I decided that things had to change and I asked for a divorce.

 

My purpose was now to discover myself, learn myself, my sex, my body, my likes and dislikes. I felt like I had been living according to what my husband wanted of me and the lack of integrity was ridiculous. So my only focus in finding myself was to remain in integrity at all cost.

 

This concept of radical integrity which I quickly discovered was hard AF!

And scary, it was beautiful beyond measure.

It allowed me a space to do exactly what I wanted.

Learn me.

 

I entered this next phase of my life, dating multiple men, speaking what I wanted, setting boundaries on time, my heart and my sex that I felt good about. I was in control of myself.

 

Giving my best to each partner I chose to share myself with and getting only the aspects of them that they wanted to give, which was of course the best aspects. The fun. The play, the ability to hold space, to listen and share without concern or judgment.

It was beautiful.

 

Or was it?

As time went on, I truly believed that I was most likely not meant for just “one ”. After almost two decades of control and rules that monogamy seemed to impose on couples, I truly believed that it was not healthy or loving. I believed that monogamy was only for small minded, control based relationships where relationships were based in fear, insecurity, need and a desire to control someone else. I counted monogamy as an ego driven style of relating.

 

🙏Open relationships felt more loving and accepting. 🙏

 

It felt safer.

 

I did not have to put all my eggs into one basket.

I did not have to have needs met by one.

And that was a loving thing, to not expect everything from “one.”

 

As time went on, I found myself moving into less open relating and wanting more depth and connection with just a couple of men.

 

Here I landed into a double primary relationship, where I had two men and I was the primary to each of them and they to me.

 

Allowing for my stability in my life.

And for some amount of years we were pretty successful in our poly-based relationship.

 

That was we were successful UNTIL “I” got really stable in who I was, what I wanted, what I liked and did not like and spoke my truth.

 

My one partner was highly upset that  after years of going along with things and being playful and adventurous, I suddenly changed my ways and had harder boundaries in what I wanted and did not enjoy in our sexing. He stated that I did not know myself. Saying that I needed to trust him. You see he was great with me having boundaries around my heart that I had instilled through open relationship where it was vital for me to not get overly attached to anyone and lose myself in them.  But when it came to my boundaries around my sex and body, he was frustrated with me. He wanted to act out his fantasies with my body and he wanted me to want it and trust him in it. Of which I could not because his fantasies were not mine AND he did not penetrate my heart.

 

My other partner, with him I could soften and move into our sexing with ease. I trusted him here. I knew that he wanted for my pleasure and safety not for his fantasy. He had accessed a bit more of my heart and I was wanting to move more into that lush space with him. I wanted to go deeper and commit more. And so I found myself requesting to move to a more monogamous relationship with him.

 

Now granted he chose differently.

He did not want that with me.

He found it with someone else and he set me free.

 

Thank goodness he did too.

Because he gifted me with the best thing ever, my freedom.

Freedom to get very clear on what I really was aligned too and what I really desired in relationship.

 

I had learned so much from all my experiences.

And I knew that what I truly wanted was depth in a relationship.

I knew that I wanted to surrender fully into a relationship and let my heart be held by another.

 

I was tired of the armour that an open relationship had created in its attempt to drop all the armour that had been created in the monogamous marriage of my past.

 

And so fast forward to NOW.

 

👉The relationship that I was not  ready for 25 years ago when I was still married.

 

👉The relationship that I could not have handled just two years ago as I sorted through my feelings, perspectives and views on freedom, commitment and authentic love.

 

👉The relationship that over a decade ago I was not ready for because I believed that immersion was bad and ego based.

 

Today I am monogamous.

And so many people ask me, “WHY?”

 

How can I go from being so open in love, relationship and sex to only having “ONE?”

 

“So in the past you have had non monogamous relationships, but it seems like now you are happy in a monogamous relationship.  So do you think that was because It ultimately wasn’t the right relationship in the past?  Or do you think it was more about where you were in your life and what you wanted at that time vs now?  Or was it more about the partner and what they were comfortable or ok with? Or a combo of all.” – Client inquiry.

 

💥💥💥And to these people and the individuals above who recently went through a transition in their polyamorous loves “leveling up” to monogamy I say this…

 

To some yes, monogamy means all the negative terms I shared and more. It means control and loss of rights. It means that you sacrifice who you are, what you want to explore and who you get to explore with.

 

But when someone is moving from polyamory to monogamy, if they are not being pressured into it but actually want it, it is because they are wanting “more” in their relationship.

 

More:

👉depth

👉commitment

👉transparency

👉trust

👉respect

👉aligned goals

👉connection

👉surrender

👉heart

 

And they have come through the beautiful education of what polyomourous relationships teach and offer and are ready to fully immerse themselves into what they feel is “home.”

 

Why have I come back full force to monogamy?

Simple….

 

💥HE SEE”S ALL OF ME – There is nothing hidden in my relationship. He has witnessed me through a few years in different relationship labels and he has seen my weakness, my fears, my inner battles, my demons. He knows me and he is willing to keep unearthing the parts of me by my side as I go deeper into my soul and heart with him. He continues to choose me, all the while standing strong in who he is and what he needs and wants in our relationship.

 

 

💥WE ARE ALIGNED IN MIND< HEART< SOUL AND BODY – This means that our values are aligned in these areas. We have taken the time not only to delve into each other and truly listen and watch, but to also stand in vulnerability with each other and share. Our lives blend together with ease, not asking either one of us to make massive life changes or be something that we are not. Our views on the world are similar. We live in a dance of joint commitment to relationship happiness and strength instead of who is right or wrong.

 

💥A WHOLE PACKAGE- Not what you might think I mean here. The whole package is all about the alignment and the feeling of “home.” Here is the thing, we may enjoy other destinations when we are world travelers but the feeling of coming home is fantastic if you have a good home. But what if you live in your dream destination and have everything you can ever want for? What if the thought of being a world traveler sounds exhausting and full of drama, even empty? If your home is that spectacular then you just  want to bask in your joy of the home you have and really sink into it. You want to build your life there. This is called full immersion. And it is what the soulmate relationship is all about. I believe that we are all looking for this and we simply don’t believe it’s a real thing because we get led astray and hurt so much that we end up armouring our hearts to it. There is something inside we humans that want the equal yoking and entwinement of the whole being where we become one. This is because we crave at our deepest level to have rock solid trust, love and transparency with another and it can only truly happen when two people commit to each other and make zero room for interruptions, chaos or things that distract.

 

👊I HAD TO WANT AND BE WILLING TO BE HELD LIKE THIS.👊

 

And this is a scary AF place to want to set up camp.

Let me tell you this.

Open relationships allowed for detachment, even encouraged it.

I taught myself that was the most loving thing to do.

 

💥Soul-monogamy💥requires unbelievable trust in surrendering into your mate and removing anything that can be perceived as a barrier. Ultimate transparency and acceptance of self and your partner. The reality is you cannot have soul-monogamy with just anyone. You must be ready for it and you must have the right person show up to meet you in this meadow of the rest of your life. 

 

It is Soul-penetration.

 

Yeah, there is a lot here and I hope that you found something for where you are at in your relationship and style.

There is no right or wrong in relating.

The only thing you ever need to do is find ALIGNMENT for where you are and speak your truth about it.

Your soul and heart are learning, and it is your responsibility to listen to the lessons and have faith in your steps.

 

For me, Soul-monogamy is my true path.

The rules that I was once intolerable of are now my heart’s desire.

I am not controlled by the container that we have built together but instead freed by it to know that I am protected and supported by my choices and my commitment and that my partner is aligned to these as well.

 

Freedom comes with responsibility.

Responsibility is defined by the guidelines that help us to have clarity to know what is needed in any situation or choice to be made.

 

Commit to these things and you will find yourself one day in the arms of your soulmate. 

 

As Always, 

Loving you from here on your journey. 

 

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Helping dynamite powerful souls like yourself discover love and fulfilment is what my passion is. Over the last two decades I have worked with hundreds of women & men such as yourself to call in their soulmate by aligning to their truth. I have guided countless couples not to just rekindle a love that they thought was lost, but to create an empowered turned on and fully aligned partnership based in love with 8 simple steps. If you are a woman or man who is looking for happiness, love and abundance in life and is sick and tired of just getting by, reach out to me for a FREE Clarity Call today where we will define exactly what is holding you back, what you are wanting to call in and the next best steps to achieve your desired life. Message me to set up your FREE Clarity Call today.

WE WOMEN BOND WITH MEN PHYSICALLY.

💥💥🌹WE WOMEN BOND WITH MEN PHYSICALLY💥💥💥

 

Meaning we bond with men through physical connection.

Sex! and Touch.

 

You have sex with a guy and have an orgasm and you my beautiful are bonding to him.

 

The hormone oxytocin releases which is 👉THE BONDING CHEMICAL!👈

 

Rose tinted glasses are put on and you start to see him as something yummy, and relationship potential.

 

But the issue is that…

 

👉MEN DON’T BOND THROUGH SEX!😳😳😳

 

They want sex, they love sex, but they don’t fall in love and bond through sex.

 

They don’t feel compelled to get all up in their “feelings” because they had some damn good sex with you.

 

And it really just breaks down to basic primal natures here.

Men are created to sow their seed, women to nurture the seed.

 

(*I want to say that I am speaking generalized, of course exceptions apply to this basic human rule and the points I aim to make today are not just toward just women but also men, as they are all about development of the self to create a sustaining happy and healthy relationship with a partner.)

 

Now back to the meat and potatoes of sex, bonding and what ATTRACTS A HIGH VALUE MAN.

 

Let’s first define a high value man.

 

High value (man or women) AKA what society wants us to believe is woke, conscious, divine, spiritual, etc… whatever hootie- tootie popular labels you want to give it which are NOT (sorry, not sorry, just saying and you will see why.) EQUALS or is defined as…

 

👊Emotionally and physically Grown Up!👊

 

Of which the majority of both sexes are not.

 

To be emotionally and physically grown up you are emotionally mature, not meaning caught in your emotions, or overly emotional expressive or led by them, but that you can process them, understand them, look for understanding, compassion, love, empathy and can stand behind your words and values.

 

Being physically grown up means that you are RESPONSIBLE.

You can pay your bills, you take care of your stuff in all areas of life, you don’t have a bunch of chaos and baggage in your life, you are not in victim mode, you are self aware. PLUS…

You are sexually responsible for self and respect boundaries and needs. Such as birth control, safe sex methods, emotional/mental sexual boundaries and do not impose fantasies or past items onto your partner.

 

YOU GET THAT SEX IS NOT JUST PHYSICAL BUT ALSO MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL.

 

And you are human enough to care about the person that you are sleeping with.

 

💥MEN DON’T TYPICALLY BOND THROUGH SEX.💥

 

Meaning they don’t get as attached as women do in sex.

 

Men attach/bond through experiences,

through social activities with their woman,

hobbies, mutual interests, adventures.

 

👉By doing things together.👈

 

Because men are ACTION oriented.

They want to see a woman in action,

see how she deals with things.

What her responses are.

Where she loses her cool.

Her sense of humor, adventure, common grounds with them.

 

Can he drop into his masculine fully with her and trust her?

A man that is in victor consciousness NOT victim consciousness wants a woman he can trust.

 

IF HE IS LOOKING FOR COMMITMENT AND LOVE.

Partnership.

Relationship.

He wants foundation and direction.

 

 

👉What we have in today’s world is a bunch of talk and little to no action in our dating and relating.

 

Outside of some casual hook ups, which both parties enter fully armoured up emotionally and thus physically too. Providing limited pleasure or trust in any area.

 

And we attempt to build lasting relationships on THIS.

 

All that phone chatting,

that texting,

That face timing we women believe is connection and relationship building….

 

WELL IT’S NOT to a man.

 

We think we can build a deep, passionate, connective, emotional connection with  man and he will want to do life with us and take us seriously even if he is a thousand miles away and we only see him once a month.

 

Or he lives not that far away but we only see him one date night a week.

 

These sort of relating ideas keep separation and do not instill a desire from the man long term.

 

That is why so many women wonder,

 

“What happened?”

 

When the man they have been dating for so long all of a sudden ghosts them, disappears, or says that he wants to talk.

 

We women think,

“He must be a commitment phobe or emotionally unavailable.”

 

We hear all day long about those things.

👉👉👊The “wounded masculine.”😳😂🧐

 

 

Well, here is the thing…

 

It’s not about the wounded masculine, although that is a thing…

Most men however are actually just following their design code here and losing interest in you because they are NOT emotionally bonded with you the way that you are with them.

 

💥💥IT IS THAT SIMPLE.💥💥

 

Much like men.

Men are simple creatures.

Yes they are complex.

Yes they  have deep feelings.

Yes they are so many brilliant things.

 

But men, men are simple.

And when it comes to a man bonding to a woman,

opening his heart to her.

That means that he feels like he can TRUST her.

 

And an emotionally mature man, wants these things from a woman in order to that:

 

👊💥👉TRANSPARENCY – Its a popular word for today. Everyone talks about it but hardly anyone understands it, especially in relationship terms with an intimate partner. And if they do understand it at all, even one tenth then they may feel a bit of upset stomach… because transparency in relationship means this: If it is material to the relationship, meaning it may effect you or I, then it needs to be spoken, shared, etc.😳 And often we feel this is an embreaching on our personal boundaries and rights in relationship and that another person has no right to ask things of us or to know unless we are very committed. However, an emotionally mature person will want this from someone earlier on before they buy all the way into the relationship and commit. They will not have trust in you without it. ( men and women alike)

 

👊💥👉EMPATHY- Another hot word of our day and age. But empathy is more than just feeling someone else’s feelings, it’s also caring about their feelings. Women typically have bank accounts full of empathy when they are getting into a man,  so much so that many women become door mats to men and all they care about is how he feels.  THIS IS NOT ATTRACTIVE nor does it instill trust in your guy. He has had plenty of dealings most likely with women like you on this and he knows that it leads to blow up where the truth will come out. He does not want this! If he is truly a grown up man, he will want your truth in the moment and he will want to deal with it right there. Here comes your transparency… Other women get caught up in the contrast between their personal feelings and their guy’s feelings and they may become very entitled with their feelings, not caring about the man’s. This is because they may be bitter and resentful because of past situations and the fear and pain they still carry and have not worked through yet. This too, is NOT ATTRACTIVE or safe for the man. What a grown up man, a high value man is wanting and attracted to, what he can lean in and trust and commit to is him and his woman coming together and genuinely caring about each other’s feelings. That they both want to know where and how the other is.

 

👊💥👉YOU TAKE PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY – A high value man does not want a woman who is jaded, bitter, resentful and blaming men for where she is at in life. Just like you would not want that from him, he feels the same. And if someone is always complaining and not able to take responsibility for their part in past relationship failure and challenges, even if their partner ghosted, cheated, or abused them then they are still stuck in their wound and playing the victim. Taking responsibility for your actions, your choices and what is happening in your life is sexy and attractive.

 

👊💥👉YOU ARE A HEALTHY FIGHTER-  A grown A*s man understands that conflict will happen in intimate relationships. He knows that couples fight, but he wants to know that he can trust you even here to come from love and rock solidness with a desire to do what is right and best for the partnership not just YOU. He does not aim to be right and he will not be attracted to a woman whose mission is to prove that she is right and he is wrong.

 

👉Healthy fighting, especially in intimate relationships is about looking for happiness over rightness. 👈

 

This means that when friction comes up, you are willing to listen to your partner, be present, communicate back to them what you heard, receive any adjustments they may have, and ACCEPT that their viewpoint is true for them.

 

Then to offer your truth, being your viewpoint to them and explain anything in ease and understanding that they may have not fully grasped.

 

Then to come to a realistic agreement about the disagreement.

 

This is healthy conflict communication.

It is not about being right but standing in empathy and compassion with a desire to find happiness for both instead of rightness for one.

 

 

💥💥💥Last but not least…💥💥💥

 

 

👊💥👉YOU HAVE STANDARDS-  This means that your actions match your values. Yes YOUR ACTIONS!

Remember that men are action oriented and they need to see that they can trust you in different situations in life, physically, mentally, emotionally to have the standards of backing your values.

Your words ‘should’ just be a bi-product of your values.

Your actions need to line up to what you say you value.

If you say you value honesty, but you cannot be honest about where you want to go, what you need from him and then swallow your words around that and expect him to read your mind and get it right, only to bite his head off months later about it, then guess what… your actions DO NOT MATCH YOUR SAID VALUE.

 

It’s that simple.

If you wonder if you guy is a grown up, if he is a high value man, then this one thing is a vital key to finding out.

A “wounded masculine” or emotionally immature man will not want you to have standards. And he certainly will not like you supporting your standards/values with your actions and words.

 

 

👊👊👊BOTTOM LINE👊👊👊

 

MEN CAN GIVE THEIR BODIES AWAY FAR EASIER THAN WOMEN, BUT IT TAKES A LOT MORE SECURITY AND TRUST FOR THEM TO GIVE THEIR EMOTIONAL SIDE AND HEART.🥰

 

The whole package an emotionally and physically mature man is looking for starts with these elements in a woman, NOT being a freak in bed… not being his therapist on the phone for hours on end…not being his maid and cook… and not being his coach on the field of life.

 

As great as all of those things are and can be,

They have a time and place.

True partnership and commitment is based in trust.

 

👉👊😳All of these points I share here are a two way street ladies and gents. Gentlemen, a high value woman wants all the same from YOU!!!!

 

 

Ready to stop settling for less in love and commitment?

Want to call in that high value relationship that is actually a life long partnership?

Wanting your soulmate?

 

That’s what I specialize in, helping dynamic souls like you find love and happiness in a world that seems hopeless most days.

 

As Always,

Loving You From Here.

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

Helping dynamite powerful souls like yourself discover love and fulfilment is what my passion is. Over the last two decades I have worked with hundreds of women & men such as yourself to call in their soulmate by aligning to their truth. I have guided countless couples not to just rekindle a love that they thought was lost, but to create an empowered turned on and fully aligned partnership based in love with 8 simple steps. If you are a woman or man who is looking for happiness, love and abundance in life and is sick and tired of just getting by, reach out to me for a FREE Clarity Call today where we will define exactly what is holding you back, what you are wanting to call in and the next best steps to achieve your desired life. Message me to set up your FREE Clarity Call today.

WHY CAN’T SHE SEE SHE’S BEAUTIFUL.

💃WHY CAN’T SHE SEE SHE IS BEAUTIFUL?👈💃

 

We ladies can be so needy sometimes and not even realize what we are doing. Granted, today I am sharing some most likely pretty obvious things that we ladies are guilty of asking our men, however my point in sharing these things is to enlightened the women of my page as to what is really going on when we reach out with this sort of inquiry and what we can do to better ourselves.

 

Self-love and acceptance is vital to an emotionally healthy person and relationship with another. Both sexes have numerous challenges around self-love and it often shows up in our communication with our partners. Personally speaking I can recall many times when I have been guilty of asking these questions myself, granted after doing much deep internal work it is rare today that I ask such things, but I do still realize when the words come off my lips what is actually at play and it has nothing to do with the question asked or my partner.

 

Instead it is 👉ALL ABOUT ME 👈and my own insecurity in the relationship or myself.

 

Here is the reality, we women often are guilty of giving up our power to men when we are in relationship, we do this in so many ways from not being able to make clear decisions when he asks us a questions around what we want/need, we fear hurting his feelings or ego, we get caught up in performance issues, wanting to be perfect all the time, making sure that he believes that he is always pleasing us in bed and will say that there is nothing bothering us in the relationship. Women are great at faking it! All the while we get overly fixated on what he is doing and what’s going on in all areas of his life. We end up operating from a place of diffused hyper focus, meaning we focus on EVERYTHING and see EVERYTHING as a threat.

 

This is giving our power away and not operating from a place of self-love, trust in the relationship or him and only from the defense.

Leading us to needing what might appear like constant validation from him.

 

If you are a woman, in a relationship and guilty of saying any of these following statements or some version of them, then pause for a moment, go internal and breathe into your heart. Hear me now beautiful…

 

 

🥰🌹👉YOU DON’T NEED A MAN TO VALIDATE YOU TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF!👈🌹🥰

 

💃Does this dress/outfit make me look fat/bad? – Perhaps one of the most common and old statements in the book when talking about women, however there is still a reason for it and that is that we ladies are dang good at setting these traps for our men. Most men today know not to take the bait but I ask you this…

 

How would you feel if he said yes?

A general rule of thumb and emotional maturity understanding in relationship and life is DON’T ASK A QUESTION IF YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE ANSWER.

 

So often we ask questions and then get upset or hurt by the response we get because it’s not in alignment to what we had hoped or wanted, then we finger point and blame the other person for being insensitive to our feelings and needs. This is not a mature response nor is it coming from a place of inner power. It sets us into victimhood and has us wounded around every corner.

 

I can tell you that this question is one you should just avoid.

Especially if you are a sensitive soul. Youmay believe that you want the truth, you want to know his opinion and want to know that he finds you attractive and beautiful but I have discovered over the course of a few relationships that if your man cares about you, desires you and is present with you…

 

💥YOU WILL NOT HAVE TO EVER ASK THIS QUESTION. 💥

 

Instead you will get an unasked for response that is something like this, “Wow babe! You’re stunning/hot/beautiful.”

 

You will see your man light up like you were standing before him naked. His turn on will be obvious.

 

💃Have you noticed anything different about me? – We ask this typically when we cut our hair, got our nails done, bought a new dress, etc. We are looking to see how tuned in he is to the subtle changes that we have made. And we are inquiring because we desire to know that he is focused on us at the level that so many women tend to focus on their man.  Again we are searching for acknowledgement and validation from him to make ourselves feel safe and good.

 

We women need to understand that men are pretty simple creatures. Yes they are deep and complex but they are more hyper focused on what is happening right in front of them then looking at every little detail of what is going on in our lives as women. They are designed to be fixers, leaders and protectors. If anything in these areas arises then they are on it, a knight in shining armour ready to serve the woman he loves.  Your change of lipstick color is not on that list and although he may notice how beautiful you are he may not put 1+1 together that your lips are a different color than yesterday.  Taking offense or thinking he is not being present enough from this is simply expecting a man to observe life more like a woman than the man that he is. 

 

At our core we women understand this, and what we are looking for is a need to be seen, appreciated and told we are beautiful, good, worthy of his love instead of knowing we are loveable and whole just as we are.

 

💃Do you think that woman is prettier than me? – Or some version of this. So many women will set  a trap here too and point out an attractive woman by saying something about the other woman’s dress, hair, eyes or what have you to draw her man’s attention there slyly. Again, be careful what you ask!!!! Most men recognize that his woman is looking for the response, “No babe, you are far more beautiful than her.” 

 

The reason we women ask this is because we are feeling insecure in our bodies or in the relationship. This particular question is a major sign of a fear and insecurity under the surface. Sometimes women who feel their mate might be cheating on them will start to ask these questions and pay great attention to where her man’s eyes are going when out to dinner or other public events. Granted with  affair rates ever escalating in committed relationships of today, there are plenty of good reasons for many women to be on the defense. We women need to realise that one reason out of many for why men cheat is because they are attracted to the confidence of another woman that we have lost. And much like a man who exhibits low-self esteem and confidence, it’s not attractive. Realize that when you as a woman reclaim your own power and focus on self-love and self-validation that you start to radiate again.

 

You must shift the narrative in your head to, ” I don’t need validation or approval from anyone to feel good about myself. I can feel good and love myself.”

 

💃What’s wrong babe? – My partner and I are deeply connected emotionally, mentally, energetically and physically. When he is ‘off’ I feel it right away and I feel insecure right away as well. His offness creates a fear in me that I have done something wrong, set him off, that he is pulling away from me and I have a deep desire to reel him back in. My concern rushes through my body and I start to over analyze myself and him.

 

THAT’S THE TRUTH.

 

I am a human woman. I have my fears and concerns and my baggage. Just like anyone. But this inquiry is still no good, even though I am guilty of offering it up to him more frequently then I should.

 

There are going to be times in relationships that our partner or us are out of sorts. We are going to notice this energetic/emotional change. The feminine wants to inquire, talk about it, emotionalize it, share tears and support each other. We women move through these times by venting. Men on the other hand, not so much.

Men need to be able to go internal and contemplate. They need to navigate their own emotions and thoughts without our neediness to be validated by them while they are problem solving. The one thing you can be certain of with a man who is strong in his masculine energy and who he is, is that if he has an issue he will bring it up pretty quickly. He is not going to let it sit and fester.

 

Most of the time when a man grows distant with his woman for a split second it has nothing to do with her or the relationship.

Again men are more hyper focused on what is right before them, unless they are problem solving a greater picture item or planning the future. However, for most life challenges they are dealing with whatever problem has made itself known in front of them. And this could be related to work, health, house, family, etc.

 

Where we women like to wrap it all together and hyper focus from a more global view making everything about us and the relationship.

 

💃What are you thinking? – This should have been number one or two in truth as it’s right in alignment with the last bullet point. We ladies are notorious for asking our men this question when we feel he is not being present with us and often this happens when he is focused on something else such as a sports game, a work project, or just chilling watching birds. Women in general have more issues with silence than men in relationships. Silence equates to disconnect. The natural feminine wants to be vocal and chit chat. Vent and share.

 

However, the natural mascuiline is about directness. It’s logical and based on what is needed versus taking up space with things that are just wasters of time, energy, or focus.

 

💥MEN FOCUS ON WHAT IS IN FRONT OF THEM.💥

 

So when you step into the path and shift his focus from what he was problem solving, contemplating or him just escaping away to his ‘nothing box’ as Mark Gungor shares in his talk, ‘The Tale of Two Brains” which I highly recommend all men and women who are in relationship or want in relationship listen to the full version of on Youtube, that you are shifting the narrative to:

 

“What are you thinking?”

 

Only says, I am feeling insecure and I need you to validate me and tell me we are good, safe and I am good and safe.

 

👊🤯💃LADIES, ALL OF THESE THINGS REFLECT A LEVEL OF NEEDINESS THAT IS NOT SUPPORTIVE TO YOUR RELATIONSHIP OR YOUR MAN.💃🤯👊

Let alone yourelf.

 

It’s high time, we women get clear on loving ourselves.

 

If we want to live a life of abundance and devote ourselves to love and a soulmate relationship, then we have to do our own deep inner work and know that we are worthy without the validation from anyone else.

 

Consistently, handing over our power in relationships and allowing ourselves to feel this level of insecurity creates a wishy-washy energy and makes us appear less attractive, strong, centered and trust worthy to a high value man.

 

We are more likely to step away from our authentic selves and offer up what we feel will keep the peace or to try and become something that we believe he wants instead of being who we truly are.

 

💥A HIGH VALUE MAN DOES NOT WANT THIS VERSION OF YOU. HE WANTS YOUR AUTHENTIC YES OR NO. HE WANTS YOUR BRILLIANCE AND CONFIDENCE.💥

 

And he most certainly does not want to feel like he is responsible for your emotions.

 

Which he is not!

 

👉Ready to step into a conscious, loving, emotionally mature soulmate relationship?

 

👉Desiring to feel complete in yourself and no longer needing validation from any man?

 

👉Wanting to immerse yourself in the relationship of your dreams but tired of calling in men who cannot hold you?

 

Then it’s time to claim your power.

Reach out to me today to learn the secrets and mysteries of the empowered women.

 

As Always,

Loving you from here.

 

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

Helping dynamite powerful souls like yourself discover love and fulfilment is what my passion is. Over the last two decades I have worked with hundreds of women & men such as yourself to call in their soulmate by aligning to their truth. I have guided countless couples not to just rekindle a love that they thought was lost, but to create an empowered turned on and fully aligned partnership based in love with 8 simple steps. If you are a woman or man who is looking for happiness, love and abundance in life and is sick and tired of just getting by, reach out to me for a FREE Clarity Call today where we will define exactly what is holding you back, what you are wanting to call in and the next best steps to achieve your desired life. Message me to set up your FREE Clarity Call today.

4 TYPES OF MEN THAT WILL NEVER MAKE YOU A PRIORITY.

👊👊💥4 TYPES OF MEN THAT WILL NEVER MAKE YOU A PRIORITY💥👊

 

Or ladies…

This bit of relationship reality can pertain to both sexes, however I will be addressing it toward the women looking for love and commitment with a man.

 

👉👉👉SO YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW TO STOP BEING AN OPTION TO HIM?

 

The simple answer would be, ‘BE A MF HIGH VALUE WOMAN!’

I mean that’s what a lot of relationship coaches will tell you.

Just lean into your feminine.  Relying on the man to do it all will never work, it will however land you in the middle of heartbreak over and over again. You cannot rely on the man to vet the relationship. You as the woman MUST do your inquiry on the front side and take full responsibility for figuring out if he is one of these four types of men or not. If you truly want to find love and commitment then before you ever meet you need to explore who he is and how aligned you really are.

 

You see our world supports swipe dating and this sort of dating desensitizes us to actual connection to another human being.

 

It focuses us on attraction instead of values, how our lives may blend together or not and if a person is emotionally mature.

When we focus on attraction we get caught up in the idea that the most valuable thing is chemistry and if you have chemistry then love will solve all other challenges.

 

👊👊🥰LOVE DOES NOT SOLVE RELATIONSHIP WOES!🥰👊👊

 

 

Sorry to break it to you beautiful, but love is not the answer to everything, as wonderful as it may sound. 👉What solves issues in relationship is emotional maturity and alignment. 👈

 

And there is a major difference between emotional maturity and being in touch with your emotions.  That is a whole nother conversation however, and if you want more in depth coaching on how to discover the difference as well as to develop your own emotional maturity to call in aligned matches, reach out to me in the comments or privately. This is my expertise.

 

Your hyper focus on chemistry is killing your vetting game!

Unfortunately, both sexes are walking into the dating realm looking for the generalized idea of what they deem love and commitment. However, they have no real intentionality in their exploration, meaning they are not being conscious about, “Who is really compatible with me? or What sort of questions should I be asking before I give my heart/solitude/space in my life away? And how do I know if this person is emotionally mature?”

 

The concept of , “Time will tell.” is not something that many people really want to invest in and with good reason. For the majority of the singles who are over fourty years old, midlife dating means that they don’t want to waste time with bad eggs. However 75% of that bracket of singles looking for love are divorced. They have alimony, child support, visitation rights, family court stuff, erectile dysfunction, menopause, job issues, retirement fears, and elderly parents just to name a few things. A completely different set of challenges than those in their twenties and thirties and if you are a midlifer they you get it.

 

EVEN MORE IMPORTANT TO FIND ALIGNMENT AND EMOTIONAL MATURITY THEN JUST LOOKING FOR CHEMISTRY AND PHYSICAL ATTRACTION.

 

👉The idea that if we have mutual chemistry it will lead to love is false! 🤯

 

REALITY: Love only comes over time and life challenges that two people commit to overcome and support each other on.

 

You do not find love on a first, second, or even third date.

That feeling of love at first sight…

Yeah it’s actually lust or limberance.

 

You could say that love is earned.

Might sound conditional, because it most certainly is and should be on the front side. Giving your heart away so freely is naive and immature. It is not self-loving or respectful and it drives me crazy to hear so many ladies out there say, “I can’t help it… I have such a big heart and so much love. I wear my heart on my sleeve.”

 

Well ladies (and sensitive gents alike), if you are guilty of this, realize that you need to do a little bit of internal work and learn to love yourself enough to be clear with who you are and what you want and be emotionally strong and stable. This is a major piece to emotional maturity. Handing over your heart and love so easily will only cause you suffering.

 

👊👊💥 MUTUAL ATTRACTION DOES NOT MEAN THAT HE IS THE ONE FOR YOU!💥👊👊

 

He may take the lead and drop you into your feminine.

You may have that knee popping kiss that we see in movies and desire.

He may have all the right bullet points on the resume that you have created in your head.

And you may “feel this energy” that you just want to lose yourself into.

 

None of that means that he is your soulmate however.

None of it means that you are aligned or that he is emotionally mature.

Only going deep into inquiry, asking the right questions, being honest about your intentions around relationship will set the stage for you to better make an informed decision on if he is worth your time, energy, heart and sex.

 

Men can leap through many relationships far easier than women.

Understand that. They are designed to sow their seed. For the majority of women however, if they are wanting love and commitment not just a hookup where they remain armoured up against true connection and unity, this sort of bouncing the spectrum with so many men will shatter them emotionally.

Leaving them feeling unwanted, not valued except for their sex, not lovable and as though they are always an option to the men they set their eye and heart on.

 

👉So what are the 4 types of men that will make you an option?

 

Being an option to someone means that you are not a priority.

Basically speaking, when someone is always too busy ( and we are all busy AF in our lives, especially us midlifers. ) They are saying, 💥”You are not important to me.”💥

 

You can always see where someone’s priorities are seated, because that is exactly where they will be investing their time, energy and heart.  If you are looking for a relationship, a partnership for a lifetime and love, then realize that if you are not creating the space for it in your life then you really do not value it or want it.

 

👊The 4 Types of Men (or Women) Who will NEVER Make You A Priority Are: 👊

 

💥Men who lack purpose and/or passion. – The majority of our world goes to work each day. They identify themselves with their career but they hate what they do. They are not passionate about their work or what they are offering the world and this often goes hand in hand with purpose, because the purpose behind their work is simply to pay the bills.  The issue with passionaless and purposeless people is that they are suffering internally. They suffer from core identity, putting who they are as a career and a responsible person in place of truly knowing themselves. This translates to them typically having destructive behaviors because they lack core foundation and THAT makes them incapable of creating a healthy foundation in a relationship as well. When a person lacks passion/purpose you may see it come out in the use of drugs and alcohol, they may date excessively, become sexaholics or even develop avoidant personalities.

 

👊👊💥REALIZE THIS: EXCESSIVE DATING AND A NEED TO BE AROUND PEOPLE OR HAVE SEX EXCESSIVELY IS A FORM OF SELF-MEDICATION.💥👊👊

 

These sort of men will never make you a priority because they are lost in who they are at a core level.  Our passions and purpose can and will change/transform through our lives, however if we do not know who we are we are not ready for authentic love, relationship or soulmate partnership.

 

💥Men who have a bunch of chaos going in their life. – (Job issues, health, financial, child issues, family, etc). This might seem like the net to meet someone just shrinked incredibly, especially for all the midlifers out there. And I am not saying to totally disregard these men and not date them, just don’t get caught up in the web of believing that you can “fix them” and if you do fix them that they will be yours and love will heal it all. Those of you who want to always fix someone, are falling into the idea that things will change,   you are making excuses for your partners behaviors and attitudes, for their immaturity. Realize that you will only exhaust yourself. Don’t get made at the fact that you are the one choosing these projects only to discover that you are beating your head against a brick wall.

 

👊👊💥STOP BEING IN RELATIONSHIP WITH A PROJECT!💥👊👊

 

You want to play and learn yourself with a project? FINE.

You want to learn about your likes, dislikes, needs and desires with a project? FINE.

But if you are just getting to know someone and they are project central, then get real with yourself and don’t give your heart away.

We can all be projects at times in our lives.

We can all have a bunch of chaos blossom in our lives.

Alignment and emotional maturity however, will show you if you are in a constant construction sight, where the person you have set your eye on is willing and able to build something or not. And from here you can make a decision if you want to support and grow together or if you need to look elsewhere.

 

💥A man who is set in his ways. -Typically this happens as we age. People who are older, who have not been in any or very few or limited significant primary relationships to any degree can become VERY set in their ways which means that they are set in how they do life ALONE, making it a challenge to put someone else, especially on the front side of learning each other, as a priority. They may also suffer from a lack of emotional immaturity because they have not had the relationship challenges and lessons as others.

 

💥A casual relationship man who offers/request monogamy/exclusivity out the gates but has no real desire to be in a committed relationship. – This is a bit harder to identify than the others, because we believe that making a request or offering up exclusivity is a sign of commitment and desire to explore a relationship. However, that is not always the case and you will often find that one or more of the other items will come into play with this person, from above.

 

You must understand what commitment means if you are wanting it, and realize that it is not exclusivity. Nor does it come right away… commitment comes with love.

 

👉LOOK AT THE TRADITIONAL MARRIAGE VOWS IF YOU WANT A GOOD DEFINITION OF WHAT COMMITMENT IS.👈

 

Commitment means, “I’ve got your back!”

For better or worse.

In sickness and health.

Richer or poorer.

 

If you are not willing to wipe the puke off of someone’s face, sit by their bedside in a hospital room for weeks/months on end, support them in a time of financial strife, etc. then you are not committed!

 

You have to want and be willing to commit to all the shiz that comes with someone else when you get into a real authentic relationship and encompass all of what it means to be partners in life.

 

This alone takes courage, emotional maturity, and commitment to the relationship.

Of course loves plays a significant role,

and love grows the commitment.

 

However as long as you stay focused on being wined and dined, romanced and following the energy, the lure of someone’s physical appearance and the chemistry you have in the moment that feels so hot and yummy, YOU WILL NOT BE A PRIORITY TO WHOMEVER THIS OTHER PERSON IS.

 

Get aligned to yourself!

Set your intentions in what you want in a relationship.

Ask the right questions before you have sex, open your heart up and let all the butterflies in your tummy loose.

 

🌹BEFORE YOU PUT THOSE ROSE TINTED GLASSES ON – INQUIRE, INQUIRE, INQUIRE ON IF THIS PERSON IS THE MOST COMPATIBLE FOR YOU.🌹

 

And if you want some help learning those questions to ask,

on developing your core and loving yourself into a place of commanding in respect, and being valued to a level of being someone’s priority, then reach out to me today. Its my passion and purpose to help people like you find their soulmate relationship and thrive in abundance.

 

As Always,

Loving you from here.

 

Stop Existing & Start Living

 

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

Helping dynamite powerful souls like yourself discover love and fulfilment is what my passion is. Over the last two decades I have worked with hundreds of women & men such as yourself to call in their soulmate by aligning to their truth. I have guided countless couples not to just rekindle a love that they thought was lost, but to create an empowered turned on and fully aligned partnership based in love with 8 simple steps. If you are a woman or man who is looking for happiness, love and abundance in life and is sick and tired of just getting by, reach out to me for a FREE Clarity Call today where we will define exactly what is holding you back, what you are wanting to call in and the next best steps to achieve your desired life. Message me to set up your FREE Clarity Call today.

I’LL LOVE YOU RIGHT OUT THE DOOR.

👉👉🤯I’LL LOVE YOU RIGHT OUT THE DOOR!👈👈
What a topic this seems to be.
And yet not.
We are living in a world that wants unconditional love.
Free love and acceptance.
We want to be able to have our cake and eat it too.
And I have been an advocate of this movement for a decade!
Only to turn around and say WTF!
So today I am going to share with you my thoughts and conversations on my recent road trip to Kansas City and back home.
It all started with a few posts about the polyomourous lifestyle.
Open relationships and what’s good or not good.
And then it drifted into the ideas and desires of our relationship world that has so many believing that it’s best to have multiple relationships and not tie down a partner.
Because after all…
🦄IF YOU LOVE SOMETHING SET IT FREE.🥰
So here is the jist of what I read from someone else + my added feelings about it…. please imagine that my words are in red… they are actually in parenthesis.
💥“One of the most important things you’ll ever do in your relationship is set your partner free.” (Beautiful sentiment and so true… I couldn’t agree more… what sort of freedom are we talking about?)
💥“An insecure person may interpret that as setting them free to be with someone else or setting them free to run the street! Or simply free to get away from you.” (You can never force someone to stay with you, unless you are using actual force or mental/emotional/financial abuse to some measure. At the end of the day we are all “free” to be with someone or not. Married or not. Setting someone free does not mean you are saying “fine leave me… or is it? because perhaps, and the point behind this article, sometimes that’s exactly what it means. Perhaps the most loving thing is to set your partner free to leave you. – Free to run the street? What does that mean? to hook up as they like? to do drugs/drink/hang with the wrong crowd and bring nothing but drama and trauma back to the home? IDK about you, but that’s not love to allow a loved one, partner or child/sibling/friend to do that. intervention might be needed. Free to have sex with whom ever they choose???? And this is what it comes down to, right?
But this is called defining the relationship. It’s called being aligned. It’s called knowing what you want in a partner and what your most loving self-boundaries are… did you hear that? 👉SELF-BOUNDARIES👈 not I love you so much that I will let you stomp all the f-ck over me telling me that if I don’t say yes to your desire that I don’t love you. As for the insecure part of this statement, well not sure there… Are your needs in a relationship coming from your need to control another person or from your desire to protect your relationship and did you priorly discuss the above items only to have them changed on you?)
💥“But when you love something you don’t smother it, you don’t restrict it, you don’t try to control it! When you love something you want to see it reach its full potential, to be as happy as possible, whether you’re part of creating that happiness or not.”
(ABSOF-CKINGLUTLY!!!! – however why is it that if someone asks for exclusivity with someone that is related to smothering, controlling, handicapping the other? Why is it okay for one side to ask for the other to just put their boundaries/needs/etc down and even risk their health so that another can just pretend to be single yet have all the rewards of a committed couplehood? Well it’s not okay! And either side you sit on, if you are requiring your partner to be/do/act/allow something that they themselves are a f-ck no too, then you are on the un-loving side. 👈Thats is self-centered and immature. Plain and simple, if you are dating a dog🐶 but you are cat 🐱then stop expecting the dog to be good with your cat needs and desires!!!!! and vise versa. Date your species… marry your species! Do you want happiness? Do you want compatibility? do you want to feel understood, seen, heard, loved, accepted, respected? well it comes down to box checks my luv… get right with how you do relationship and what you want in a relationship. Know where you are at in life, and I speak this to you from a deep understanding as I was monogamous and VERY unhappy for almost two decades, then I was polyomourous for a decade, then I went back to monogamous because I was tired….lol yet I was still ‘playing around and not serious in relationship’ THEN I met someone… and I knew at my core it was time to get REAL, to level up my relating and to go deep like I never went before. And you know what changed it all? 🤯ALIGNMENT & HEART CONNECTION🙏I knew it was real for the first time in my life, what I had was worth saying no to the surface level sexing, relating, connecting and my own solitude and individuality. That’s how you know luv!!!)
💥“Setting my partner free to me means allowing them to do what they want to do, have the friends they want to have that make them happy, and support their dreams and aspirations, even if it takes away from us!” – (OKAY… yes to some of this but here are my thoughts, do what you want to do, sure as long as it does not cause trauma/drama/chaos/or sabotage you, me or us. Friends that make them happy… absolutely, as long as we both understand that oposite sex friends can and often do cause issues in relationship. Opposite sex friendships on both sides are doorways waiting to be entered, so be careful because they may actually be your backup line incase our relationship does not work out and just waiting for an opportunity to support you better than me. BTW, that’s called protecting the relationship… if you value it that is and know that your partner is worth the protection. Support dreams and aspirations, well hell yes… did you know that watching your partner do what they love and are good at is one of the ways we build desire for our mates. Seeing them shine is a connective agent and is a win-win for both parties. It allows us to have healthy space and see our partner in a different light. 👉☠Even if it takes away from us☠👈. Yes, this is a death statement. Granted in life and in relationship there are phases to everything and sometimes that means we have to work longer hours to achieve our goals and this may for a time frame take away from the us factor, however this needs to be discussed and agreed upon, and IF both parties are emotionally mature and centered in who they are, not needing constant build up and attention from their partner, then there should be little to no issue. Goals and dreams are good for the whole. If ones partner wants to put more time into another relationship, such as a friendship or if you are in an open relationship a secondary partner, THEN you have to question what does my partner value more? Who is primary? A friendship or secondary lover SHOULD NEVER take primary relationship status unless your primary is not cutting it and you are walking out. If you claim to be in love with your partner and that they are your significant other, you are exclusive with them, they are your primary relationship then realise that, that means that most of your time and attention will be focused toward them. If it’s any other way then you are asking for unalignment to form.
💥“The mistake that many of us make is that once we get in a relationship we make our partners world smaller… not bigger!” – (TRUE THAT!!!!! but not by asking for alignment. Not by having healthy agreed upon boundaries in all areas. Not by defining the relationship to what BOTH parties want and desire. We only make our partner’s world smaller by forcing our will on them and not accepting that if they say otherwise that they don’t love us unconditionally or at all.)
🤯🥰🥰THIS FREE SPIRITED OPEN MINDED AND RELATIONSHIP WOMAN would say bye-bye to her man in two seconds if he wanted a secondary partner or if he requested from me something that was harming to my mind, heart, body or soul. And he would do the same if the tides were turned… this I am certain.
I know what open relating is about, after a decade of living and breathing, teaching it, I get it.
AND I THINK ITS POWERFUL AND BEAUTIFUL.
But it is just as controlling as monogamy if your partner is not aligned to you.
In truth, it teaches great communication skills.
It teaches all about transparency and jealousy.
It gives you permission to explore and get to know yourself like no monogamous relationship will allow.
But once you know who you are and you know what you want,
you certainly might find out that you are sick and tired of the game playing and the uncertainty of always knowing that your love may just walk right out the door and say, “You knew what you were getting into, you should not have become so attached.”
Well my luv, detachment is a powerful tool for sure.
But when we speak of love, commitment and soulmates…
YOU MUST BE WILLING TO IMMERSE yourself fully into that other soul, into the relationship and thus yourself.
Meaning that you will no longer settle for what is not aligned and allow your love to be greater for another than yourself.
From here you will love them right out the door, because they are not your home.
As Always,
Loving you from here.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Helping dynamite powerful souls like yourself discover love and fulfilment is what my passion is. Over the last two decades I have worked with hundreds of women & men such as yourself to call in their soulmate by aligning to their truth. I have guided countless couples not to just rekindle a love that they thought was lost, but to create an empowered turned on and fully aligned partnership based in love with 8 simple steps. If you are a woman or man who is looking for happiness, love and abundance in life and is sick and tired of just getting by, reach out to me for a FREE Clarity Call today where we will define exactly what is holding you back, what you are wanting to call in and the next best steps to achieve your desired life. Message me to set up your FREE Clarity Call today.

WHAT ME DROP ALL MY STANDBY MEN.

👉👉👉WHAT MADE ME DROP ALL MY STANDBY MEN…🤯
Yeppers, I just said that.
I admitted to having standby men.
It’s funny this morning sitting in bed with my man, having coffee like we do every morning together and scrolling through some articles and shares, we stumbled upon this very topic.
I was shocked at how many women admitted to having standby men and how many more said that it was the only way to have a relationship if you were a smart woman.
And in truth, I have been one of those women for many, many years.
When I got out of my almost 20 year marriage and began my journey of self-discovery and learning all about my likes and dislikes in men, sex and relationship I made it VERY well understood that I was not looking for anything long term, permenant or overly committed.
No ring going on my finger again.
And I held my heart close, I ignored and pretended that I was not caught up on my relationship wounds and that I had forgave both my ex-husband and myself for anything that was ill in our marriage.
And with all of this illusion to my truth, I entered the world of dating for the first time in my early thirties.
It was so exciting.
Men seemed to appreciate me, applaud me, desire me and court me. I had never felt such arousement of my ego and I ate it up.
In truth, these men supported my healing journey greatly and helped me to really feel comfortable in my own skin and expand myself in many areas, but their support stroked my ego and it became addictive.
A silent addiction that clouded my judgement and also made me hostage to trying to be so much that I was not at my soul to maintain and manage the multiple men in my intimate world.
I started to believe with great resilience that THIS version of me was the only version that could get a man, keep a man’s interest and that if I were to let out my true silly, introverted, nerdy “just a girl”self that I would be alone and unwanted.
And so I held my character.
I enjoyed what pleasures this “freestyle love” offered me.
And I believed that this was the way.
I was never going to really be seen, accepted or connected at the soul level that I wanted so I might as well take these beautiful, yummy connections of the mind, body and sometimes energy with a splash of heart as the best it is going to be.
After all they were often what so many would call orgasmic.
I was living in integrity.
I was stating exactly where I was at in my life, in my sex, in my relationship desires.
I was not asking for anyone to save me, support me or anything other than respect my boundaries and let me live my “open relationship” way.
For the most part I was happy.
Well, what I thought was happy.
I felt free.
But also alone.
And still unseen.
No space for this free love girl who is open in so many ways to ever be dim in her energy or turned-off even bored to the life that she had created.
I was hungry for depth.
I was hungry for soul passion.
I was hungry for alignment of the heart, mind, spirit and body.
I wanted to find someone who I did not believe existed.
And so, I found someone stable.
Spiritual, yoga, educated, open relationship minded.
And I thought that we could do life together well.
But I knew that I was a no to him forever.
I told him multiple times, “Do not ask me the question.”
My soul knew.
And so I found myself with a secondary partner to the one above.
Stable, playful, romantic, educated, spiritual. And so much more.
I thought, I wish I could do life with him.
I could see forever, but did I trust him fully?
No. But I wanted to.
And he asked me a few times if I would spend forever with him,
“And I smiled and said we will see.”
But my soul knew.
It knew I was a no.
That the trust could not be built.
And so I found myself in a state of fear.
Of my world being flipped upside down as I said goodbye to both of these men. And I said to spirit,
“I just want playful. Light hearted, not serious.”
And that is exactly what I got.
A man who was all of this.
And came with everything else that these can bring at times.
But I had been taught over the decade before to never put all your eggs in one basket.
That open relating was real love. And that if someone was not on board with you being open and sharing yourself that they were controlling you and too conditional/needy.
And so I had a black book of standby men.
Old boy friends, lovers and just friends.
Clients who did not want to be clients but something more.
Fellow coaches and a knowing that if none of these standby men,
pleased me that there was a sea of many more.
Once again, this relationship was supported by standby men.
You see, this man that I had called in, sure enough fit what I asked for, however he did not fit my mind, heart, body, life or soul.
He fit a moment on my life path.
And that’s it.
Much like the previous relationships, I did not feel safe with him.
I did not feel seen and accepted.
I did not feel challenged and encouraged to expand myself.
I did not feel true team.
The solidness that I craved was always lost in a fear that I could not be me. That I had to keep up the show.
And I felt his need not his want of me.
He was not centered.
Nor were the previous two+.
They all required standby men to hold my castle in place and light my towers.
Each standby man had his own skill, ability to pull something out of my personality like no one else, teaching me about my wants, needs and goals in love, life, relationship and business.
But no one man cut it fully.
And I truly did not believe that it was a possibility.
Now granted I still will be the first to say,
“It’s unfair to put one person in charge of all your needs.”
We cannot be everything for someone.
As humans we need multiple people/relationships.
Coming from monogamy to polyomoury and back even harder to monogamy, I do not say it lightly.
What I can tell you, is that 85% of supposed committed love based relationships are fake and destined to perish. I see it daily in my office. People hang onto relationships out of fear of not knowing what they will do next and that something is better than nothing.
They do not hang on because of soul love nor commitment.
What else I can tell you is that if more of us were to focus on doing our soul work we would discover a love and relationship that could handle the test of time. We would know at our core that we were a yes to them no matter what life presented.
When you are a YES to your true soulmate,
You feel it deep in your cells.
You don’t try and make things work with a soulmate,
you just do.
Because there is no other way.
When your soul says yes at this sort of level,
There is no room or desire for diluting the time, energy, heart and emotion that you want to share and give to this other person.
You are turned toward them,
focused and open fully to them.
You want to protect the love, the relationship and this other soul.
Suddenly what you deemed control you view as support and protection.
You see love where you saw fear.
So why do you need standby men any longer?
Why are you planning for failure before you even get started in a relationship?
Why are you covering all your bases?
If you feel called to have standby men realize THIS:
👉YOUR HEART & SOULS NOT IN IT! AND THIS RELATIONSHIP IS NOT THE ONE!👈
And that is what got me to say goodbye to all those standby men…
My need to control turned into surrender.
My surrender came from trust.
My trust came from witnessing.
My witnessing came from my heart’s pull.
My full immersion into trust, love and alignment with another.
Soul Union.
None of these happen if souls are not truly aligned.
YOU WILL ALWAYS KEEP YOURSELF OPEN AS LONG AS YOU KNOW THAT HE’S NOT THE ONE.
(*the one in this story refers to ‘the one you can fully surrender to in heart, mind, body and soul, this may or maynot translate to a spouse figure.)
As Always,
Stop EXisting & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
Helping dynamite powerful souls like yourself discover love and fulfilment is what my passion is. Over the last two decades I have worked with hundreds of women & men such as yourself to call in their soulmate by aligning to their truth. I have guided countless couples not to just rekindle a love that they thought was lost, but to create an empowered turned on and fully aligned partnership based in love with 8 simple steps. If you are a woman or man who is looking for happiness, love and abundance in life and is sick and tired of just getting by, reach out to me for a FREE Clarity Call today where we will define exactly what is holding you back, what you are wanting to call in and the next best steps to achieve your desired life. Message me to set up your FREE Clarity Call today.

“ON THE MARKET” TILL YOU PUT A RING ON MY FINGER.

💍”ON THE MARKET” TILL YOU PUT A RING ON MY FINGER.

 

So some say.

How do you feel about this?

Would love to hear all the comments on this topic.

 

Recently I was privy to a conversation around “what defines couplehood?” And to my surprise (and yet not) so many men and women alike focused on the legal aspects of what makes you  a couple.

 

Making statements such as,

“How do you file your taxes? There you have your answer if you are single or a couple.”

 

“According to legal paperwork you have to fill out, ‘dating’ or ‘engaged’ is not an option for selection, so you are single unless married.”

 

“If someone passes away and you are not married then you are just considered friends no matter the time you have no rights, so you are single unless married.”

 

And so many more statements along these lines.

 

True as these statements are when looking at couplehood from a legal aspect, the question is not one of legalities unless you only value the legal and not the heart.

 

🌹💍🌹 SO WHAT DEFINES COUPLEHOOD?🌹💍🌹

 

Is it monogamy?

Exclusivity?

What about those couples who are in an open relationship? Swingers? Poly?

Are they not couples because they have agreed upon multiple partners?

 

Is it the legal aspect, a ring, an “I DO.” and a contract that binds?

What about those who are living together but have not crossed that line yet, are engaged? Or maybe don’t believe in marriage but believe in love and commitment?

 

👉🤯DO YOU CONTINUE TO SHOP FOR THE BEST MATE UNTIL A RING AND CONTRACT ARE DRAWN UP? -NO MATTER THE LIVING ARRANGEMENT, THE SPOKEN COMMITMENT, THE PLANNING?

 

And how does this equate to love and commitment?

 

Would you want to marry someone who is still shopping for the better choice even though they tell you they are in love with you?

 

Here is what one woman said, and I quote:

“Until you’re married you are single 👌

Now you may be courting, dating or in a committed relationship,

but you’re still “on the market” until you’re no longer available.”

 

Last time I looked at this thread 44 people agreed and loved this woman’s sentiment.

And maybe you are one of them.

 

I cannot help it, as polarizing as it may be to some, I strongly disagree.

 

This statement says – ” I AM NOT COMMITTED NOR IN LOVE.”

 

IF YOU WANT:

👊Commitment

👊Trust

👊Rock Solid

👊The ability to surrender to love.

 

Then baby you gotta give up the market.

 

If you count yourself “still available until paperwork and a ring” you will NEVER find the above list of vital ingredients to a strong, stable, loving relationship.

 

You will NEVER feel loved nor safe.

 

👉Because you CANNOT trust someone who is always looking for something better.👈👈👈

 

The issue with this statement is that love, one’s heart and soul, true soul connection is being ignored in the pursuit for the shiniest new object that can fill the greatest amount of earthly needs.

 

THIS LEAVES WHOMEVER YOU ARE WITH FEELING REPLACEABLE.🤯

 

Uncertainty is the foundation to lack of trust.

Which translates to lack of respect.

And no desire to open the heart.

 

This way of viewing love (if you can even call it that) is based in need alone.

 

And in my opinion after working with thousands of individuals and couples over the last almost two decades I can tell you honestly THIS is the cause of so much pain and suffering.

 

More often than not, couples come to me because they discover that they never loved their partner fully. They never felt fully aligned, or matched to them.

 

However, their partner had the money, the house, the romance, the looks, the stamina, the intelligence, was a ‘great’ guy or sweet woman… blah… blah…blah…

 

And then they find themselves one day on a trip with friends, having a few too many drinks and having an affair with the resort tennis instructor from Italy because he is the shiny new object that rocks their boat and makes them feel alive.

 

And after all, they are not married.

So they owe nothing to the person at home.

Forget the last however many years…

Forget the lifelong plans…

The goals and dreams supposedly shared.

 

OR…

 

Maybe they are married.

And, “Oops, I slipped, it won’t happen again. I drank too much.”

 

I can tell you this, no matter the agreements what defines couplehood is COMMITMENT, TRUST, TRANSPARENCY.

 

And above all else LOVE.

 

And when you are really  in love with someone,

you have zero desire to dilute that  love with outside influences.

You see the beauty in the mirror of your partner.

You respect them, honor them, appreciate them and realize that communication, authenticity and a desire to make your relationship rock solid is priority.

 

YOU ARE NOT LOOKING FOR SOMETHING BETTER.

 

💍Ring or no ring…

It Doesn’t matter.

 

Although it may to those in your life.

 

🤯Perhaps your family and friends will not honor, respect or see the relationship as committed UNLESS there is a ring and a contract signed?

 

🤯Perhaps you will find yourself always fighting off the wolves who want to test your commitment until they see that there is a “REAL” boundary there?

 

All that matters however, is how you define couplehood.

How do you view love?

Commitment?

What are your values around relationships?

 

If you are with someone and still looking for something better, but holding onto them because “something is better than nothing” then at very least BE REAL with the one you are with and tell them that this is how you feel.

 

Give them the option to hang with you while you explore or to find someone who will want them for them and match their needs/wants/desires in a relationship that’s aligned to their soul.

 

👊👊CAUSE BABY, IT AIN’T TRUE LOVE NOR YOUR SOULMATE CONNECTION IF YOU ARE STILL OPEN TO THE MARKET.👊👊

 

And I share that from personal experience. 🙄

 

👉Ready to get real and call in that soulmate love that makes you want for no other?

 

👉Sick and tired of feeling like love is fleeting and something that is not possible to hold on to?

 

👉Looking for the one who makes your heart and soul soar but uncertain how to identify if he/she is the one?

 

Helping dynamite powerful souls like yourself discover love and fulfilment is what my passion is. Over the last two decades I have worked with hundreds of women & men such as yourself to call in their soulmate by aligning to their truth. I have guided countless couples not to just rekindle a love that they thought was lost, but to create an empowered turned on and fully aligned partnership based in love with 8 simple steps. If you are a woman or man who is looking for happiness, love and abundance in life and is sick and tired of just getting by, reach out to me for a FREE Clarity Call today where we will define exactly what is holding you back, what you are wanting to call in and the next best steps to achieve your desired life. Message me to set up your FREE Clarity Call today.

 

As Always,

 

Stop Existing & Start Living

 

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

5 Secret Turn-Ons To Seduce A High Quality Man.

 

👊👊🌹5 Secret Turn-Ons To Seduce A High Quality Man🌹👊👊

 

Last night over dinner I looked at my man and asked him,

“What have I done differently than other women that makes you want to commit so deeply and go all in with me?”🤔

 

He responded with, “So much.”

 

And then I began to think about it.

I thought of how just this last week he and I were in Half Price Books looking for Viktor Frankl’s book, Man’s Search for Meaning, when we found ourselves drifting up and down the psychology, spiritual, health, finance and self-growth aisles. Inquiring with each other what we had explored in our past. Having read so many of the same books or similar minds we found ourselves once again connecting and understanding each other’s views and why we mirror one another in so many ways.

 

As I looked at this tiny moment from last week I realized that THIS was just it…

 

👉🤯WE ARE BOTH ATTRACTED TO THE MIRROR.👈😍

 

That mirror being that we match each other on so many levels.

It is far past our attraction to one another’s physical or the chemistry that we certainly have.

 

Our lives have brought us through multiple relationships in our past that taught each of us what we valued and what we did not desire in a partnership. Which is often the case as we emotionally mature through our lives.

 

You see often in relationships we find ourselves calling in the opposite of what we want and we cannot figure out 👉WHY👈?

 

It has to be like this.

As long as we resist doing the inner work and remain emotionally immature, focused on only “me” and being right, a victim to life in essence and not taking responsibility for our emotions and the events in our lives then we MUST call in the opposite of what we desire and want so that we can enhance our clarity and build up our emotional maturity.

 

As we mature in the heart and mind and do the inner work to connect us deeper to our soul we start to find different attributes attractive then what we use too.

 

Beauty changes in our eyes. 🌹

 

The other day when we were walking around the bookstore chatting about our reading history and thoughts on topics, one of the books that popped out on the shelves was, “The Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz.” We have both read it and it bears with it one of the sexiest things a woman can do to turn-on a man and get him to think long term about her.

 

💋💃🔥CONSISTENCY – This really just always comes back to actions match words and you are consistent about what you say, how you think and the way you act.  The majority of people ( male and female) have challenges around this vital ingredient to building a lasting relationship because they suffer from the belief or thinking of:

“I’m not good enough.”

“I’m not likable or lovable.”

THIS very thought process makes it difficult for the majority of people to be, as The Four Agreements puts it, impeccable with their word.

 

👊Yet this single thing is sexy AF when a man or woman portrays it!

 

💋💃🔥BEING A MF GROWN UP! – Adulting has a heck of a lot more to do with how we play with others then with paying bills and holding a job. Although these things are vitally needed as well, in the land of the heart and emotional maturity, adulting has more to do with 👉HOW WE FIGHT👈.

It’s called conflict resolution.

And the vast majority of people operate from the land of, “I am right, you are wrong.” This is all based in ego and again a need to be validated by another in some fashion.

 

👊What’s ever so attractive is a person who can be an actual grown up and listen as well as accept that the other party’s point is true for them.

 

When both parties can do this for each other you can communicate from a higher vibration based in love and a desire to find resolution versus being right and having the other agree that you are right.

 

There is nothing worse than to find yourself in a mis-communication or some form of friction with your partner and have them tell you that YOU are misconstruing things or are wrong in how you remember it, see it or feel about it. This only builds walls between the two of you, not bridges.

 

Being able to see that others’ views and feelings are just where they are and that you can agree to disagree because you are individuals with different  takes is highly seductive and attractive in looking at a lifelong mate.

 

Being a MF Grown Up is NOT about being right and maintaining the friction until the other person caves to your way of seeing or feeling about something. That is not love based nor emotional maturity. Finding resolution in the relationship is however.

 

💋💃🔥 EASY TO BE A ROUND-  No one enjoys being around someone who has a stick up their booty. It’s simple, friendliness, authentic friendliness not that sugar coated fake stuff is a turn-on.

When a person is uptight, anxious, scared of their own shadow and aquard about doing life and relating it reveals the wounds that they have not yet conquered and dealt with.

 

👉The energy we portray says everything about our inner scape.

 

If you are a woman (or a man) who “thinks” they are easy to get along with, has a big heart but no one accepts it, calls yourself friendly but when you are trying to do a relationship you find yourself getting the opposite of what you want and desire?

 

Look no further than the wounds that you bare still and keep coming back too.

 

You know what they are.

It’s what holds your bitterness, your anger, your pity party, your envy and makes you feel insecure.

Want to authentically be friendly and easy going, let go of that high maintenance attitude… then deal with your inner BS.

Until you do this you will continue to feel like no one appreciates your heart and intentions, cares or values what you have to offer. That jaded view will hold you back from fully embracing your confidence, your own self-love and acceptance and  will make your childish attempts at being seductive, attractive and turned-on to life empty and laughable.

 

👊People who authentically smile from within and love life, feel good in their own skin are attractive AF!

 

💋💃🔥BRING JOY NOT DRAMA – #1 desire of men and what the vast majority will put on their dating profile.

“Looking for a drama free woman.”

 

A high quality man (meaning an emotionally mature man) knows that he is not responsible for you emotionally. 🤯🤯🤯

 

And he finds it DAMN Sexy when you get this too!

He is not wanting you to babysit him or mother him and he does not want to have to take care of you in this fashion either.

This is an extreme level of neediness A.K.A High Maintenance that emotionally mature men don’t find attractive.

 

He wants you to know that you are beautiful, powerful, radiant, sexy AF, a queen without him. If he is what validates these things for you then YOU ARE NOT THEM!!!👊

 

And you will jot have joy streaming from your soul.

Drama happens in life.

It happens to all of us.

What a high value man is looking for in a lifelong partnership and love is a woman who does not look at how she can create it but instead how much joy she can bring into life with or without him and this joy for her life also manifests into her making his heart smile by just being her.

 

💋💃🔥HEALTHY LIFESTYLE =SEXY AF! – Anyone who says that the physical does not matter is blowing smoke up your booty. We are all human and our bodies matter and anyone who counts themselves as being self-loving, accepting and high vibe that is not taking care of their temple is full of malarkey, to say the least.

 

👊Healthy eating, exercise, mindset, taking care of self and wanting to look good, feel good is sexy AF!

 

A high value man values this in himself and wants it in his partner as well.

 

Life is always about investment.

And we each get to choose where we invest.

Mumford and Sons has a great song “Awaken My Soul” where they have one of my favorite lyrics, “Where you invest your love, your invest your life.”

 

As with anything, whatever we choose to water grows.

People who choose to invest their love in health of all arenas live longer, are less sickly, have more stmina for life and sex, have healthier moods, live a more harmonic balalnced life and view things from a bigger picture mindset.

 

Those who make up the excuse of “I don’t have the time, energy, money.” DO NOT VALUE themselves nor life and will never hold a mate that values these things.

 

🔥🔥🔥I get turned-on like no other watching my man work out, eat a healthy meal and/or check himself out in the mirror as to how his arms or abs are looking in a shirt. His pleasure and care for himself shows that he values health and reveals itself in ALL other areas as well. 👈🤯🔥

 

So you say that you want 👉High Value Man👈 yet you yourself beautiful are not value the true jewels of life and relationship!🤯

 

You are still getting caught up in the immature focus points that will only ever lead you to more lessons being offered and suffering from them.

 

Become the 💃High Value Woman💃 that mirrors the man you want for and he will be called into your life with ease as if over night.

 

👉Want to learn the full list of secrets to manifesting your soulmate?

👉Ready to stop accepting less than what you are worthy of?

👉Sick and tired of letting your wounds hold back the love, sex, money and joy that you feel is yours in your gut?

 

Helping dynamite powerful souls like yourself discover love and fulfilment is what my passion is. Over the last two decades I have worked with hundreds of women & men such as yourself to call in their soulmate by aligning to their truth. I have guided countless couples not to just rekindle a love that they thought was lost, but to create an empowered turned on and fully aligned partnership based in love with 8 simple steps. If you are a woman or man who is looking for happiness, love and abundance in life and is sick and tired of just getting by, reach out to me for a FREE Clarity Call today where we will define exactly what is holding you back, what you are wanting to call in and the next best steps to achieve your desired life. Message me to set up your FREE Clarity Call today.

 

As Always,

 

Stop Existing & Start Living

 

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”